Hi! My husband and I are currently going through the process of adopting a new cat. I am in a veterinary position where I am exposed to plenty of rescue cats, but do not have a lot of experience with rescuing and rehoming. I have finally found a very special kitty that I love. He seems to be social and loving with me, but I took my husband to meet him today and he was terrified of him. Kitty was trying to flee and hide, no hissing or swatting and eventually let him pet him, but just extremely uncomfortable and refusing to take treats or play when normally he is very food motivated. He came into rescue after being removed from a domestic violence situation and I’m worried that he won’t warm up to my husband. I know it takes time, but I am feeling heartbroken that their introduction didn’t go as well as I was hoping and I’m worried that if we do end up bringing him home, kitty might have too much trauma and won’t learn to trust him. Does anyone have any experience with how to make this transition easier? My husband was so disappointed that he didn’t love him, but understands this may take a while. Looking for any feedback/advice/tips. Thanks in advance!!
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Two thoughts:
If kitty is afraid of men due to the past violence, then kitty’s best shot at real lasting loving adoption is with people like you and your husband- who understand the challenge. Most adopter homes will have men in them or visiting.
A terrified cat can be rehabbed. Maybe try fostering this cat. And take every VERY SLOWLY. Kitty quarantined in small space for 3 days, bedroom 3 weeks (or until kitty wants to explore) husband always staying still, quiet, always letting cat move and make decisions, never approaching kitty- see if there’s any hope. It took one of my scardy cats 6 months to stop fleeing under the couch at the sight of my husband. Now she sleeps in a princess tent on the bed next to him.
Good luck!
I really hope you’ll have a chat with yoir husband
I hope its somethin simple and easily remedied like a smell. Sometimes cat flip out when there is a certain smell that triggers them even if its on a longtime human cat friend. Perhaps your husband was usin a particular aftershave, shampoo, cologne that triggered the kitty cat. Maybe another try but instead usin your shampoo on visit day instead?
Yeah we were thinking about trying again and it would be a few weeks until we bring him home so we have time to do a few more meetings. Do you think it would be helpful to put something in his kennel that smells like my husband so he can get used to his scent or something? Would that just like invade his space and make him less comfortable while he’s still in the clinic?
If it is simple like smell, that would very unsettlin fer kitty in its safeplace. If it is smell, it could be because its associated with a person whom yelled or was in another way scary or threatenin. Smell is only a guess though. It could unfortunately be somethin entirely different such as the way he looks. I've met some cats that are afraid of children.
Edit: you said that eventually, kitty allowed pets... this is progress, so perhaps keep up what was done before, allow kitty to come to him and they may find he isnt all that scary at all
I could definitely see the cat's background affecting things. I will say I don't have experience with exact situation (my neighbor has outdoor cats that have just never been around men, they literally run away from them), but I've worked to socialize feral cats that are generally terrified of humans. It'll take some time for this cat to acclimate to the new home and new humans in his life.
Start small with how much access he has in your home, if you have a room you can set up for him, just have your husband try and spend as much time as he can passively occupying the room with him so your cat can observe him without the fear of being approached. Sitting low to the ground so he's on the cat's level will help, have him try to speak softly and be mindful of rapid movements early on. Would highly recommend squeeze tube treats like Inaba Churu or Hartz Squeeze Ups for working at closing the distance and building up positive associations. Feed him on a schedule, if possible feed wet food so it's extra enticing, and have your husband on feeding duty. From there it's just time, patience, and consistency to help this cat feel secure around him.
Probably afraid of male energy Give him time and allow them to gain some trust