Social anxiety is my biggest demon. It's haunted me since I was very young and, while it has gotten more manageable, I'm in my mid 20s and it's still holding me back so bad. It was a LOT worse, but it still affects me so much. On a daily basis.
I've been out for new years with a very close friend, I was having fun until we left for afters at some strangers house. They're very kind and safe people, but I'm on the brink of a panic attack the entire time. I excused myself to the bathroom and meditated as much as I could which just about got me an additional half hour or so. I'm grounded, I'm repeating mantras and empowering words, yet I'm still so close to having a panic attack (I have a diagnosed panic disorder). I can suppress it temporarily but then it converts into depression.
Buddhism is the #1 thing that has helped my mental health my entire life, but I can't figure out how to help my social anxiety. I've been through so many prescription drugs and therapy which doesn't seem to make any difference to this massive demon on my shoulders. I'm autistic if that makes it any clearer as to how my brain works, I think that's been a major factor.
I'm spiralling and mentally beating myself up right now for multiple reasons. I'm trying to escape that mental cycle, but it's hard. Maybe I want reassurance, maybe I want guidance, maybe I want personal accounts, really don't know. This subreddit is the only place I feel I can get true compassion and whole hearted advice, I feel safe around other Buddhists, so I guess what's why I'm here.
To ease any concerns - I'm both physically and mentally safe. I'm with my best friend who knows everything and is soon going to help me escape this environment back to where I feel safe.
Have you tried EMDR therapy? I've been doing it every week for a while now, and it seems to have made a huge difference to my social anxiety so far.
I still feel awkward and say the wrong things, I still get overwhelmed and hit my social limit, but the anxiety is much better. It's more 'in my head' now, I don't have the same physical reaction as I used to, so it's more manageable.
I also have autism and I've struggled with social anxiety. It sucks, and I really hope you can find something that helps.
Wish I had some buddhism related advice, but I'm just learning.
Practice being with groups of people.
Take a dharma class. You will have a common goal with other people - self improvement.
Hey, I'm autistic and have social anxiety too. However I've actually realised that a lot of my "social anxiety" is just overstimulation - I'm fine talking to/hanging out with somebody one on one, but once I'm in a group my nervous system just cannot handle everything that's going on and it makes me feel panicky. It could possibly be the same for you? I take pregabalin and propanolol and they do really help a lot to calm my nervous system down in situations like that. But I also just avoid environments where I know I'm going to feel overwhelmed. It's fun for some but it's not fun for me, and that's okay!
Also, what kind of therapy have you tried? CBT didn't work for me but DBT is much better, and I'm thinking of trying somatic therapies too. I've read that CBT doesn't work for a lot of autistic people.
Try tonglen …
Look into Internal Family System therapy or else look into Lama Allione book- how to feed the demon. It is best if you can consult her. Her method is extremely powerful but it is better to do with guidance
I'm autistic and ADHD as well, and I also have anxiety.
It's interesting, because Zen Buddhism really helped me to calm my mind.
Frankly, what I suggest outside of Buddhist practices is to practice forgiveness, not on others, but yourself. You have to understand that this is the way your nervous system is, the way it's wired, and you just have to accept that it's part of who you are.
I would also suggest you look into the concept of internalized ableism. You don't have to be what society tells you or mandates how you ought to be. You can just be, and that's okay.
Also accept that like any condition, it fluctuates. Some days you feel great, some days you need to just be on your own, and to just accept that this doesn't make you any lesser of a person, it just means you have a condition to accommodate and manage, and the truth is, nobody else is going to know what it's like other than others that share your condition.
In other words, practice forgiveness on yourself. Autism, ADHD, anxiety, or any condition, medical or mental aren't personal failings, they are simply some things you have to live with, and others need to practice compassion.
Hope that helps!