"It's 60 degrees in December and there are microplastics in my balls, nevertheless I persist"
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  • 354 points gimmespaceyaspaceman

    Ahhh, what a time to be alive an have receding gums

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    147 points ShredGuru

    Teeth are luxury bones under capitalism. You wanna keep em, you gotta pay big dental 5k a year.

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    49 points Bortron86

    Outside bones, outside bones,
    Don't forget your teeth are just outside bones!

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    20 points gimmespaceyaspaceman

    It honestly kinda trips me out sometimes that they just kinda poke out of your mouth, and you show them to people when they tell you jokes

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    29 points wetcoffeebeans

    "Good joke, now enjoy validation as I show my bones in approval."

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    7 points npsimons

    Sharp, meat-rending bones, that in any other predatory species would be seen as a threat.

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    7 points wandthatbakes

    My favorite fun fact is they aren’t bones because they contain pulp and they don’t regenerate the way that bones do. pulp

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    7 points TrashSiren

    My favourite fun fact is that teeth are in a way, highly specialised skin cells. Which is why sharks have them on their skin. But they are called "denticles".

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    1 points wandthatbakes

    Ohhhhhh I like that one thank you!!

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    4 points PM_Me_Good_LitRPG

    Now do the eyes!

    (outside brain)

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    7 points gimmespaceyaspaceman

    Never said I had teeth

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    3 points Cuttyflame123

    or just, brush and floss

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    3 points ShredGuru

    That's fucking cute

    You must have iron teeth.

    I just do that shit to have them fall out slower.

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    2 points bb_kelly77

    It seems to be making mine fall out faster

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    2 points FlowerBuffPowerPuff

    https://youtu.be/BOEYSLlQy9s

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    2 points Bubbly-Grass8972

    Try dental schools. They want to address yr problems. That’s their whole motivation.

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    6 points gprime312

    Brush your teeth

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    3 points gimmespaceyaspaceman

    I can't find them

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    4 points bigasswhitegirl

    Where did you last see them

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    4 points gimmespaceyaspaceman

    The mirror, but I lost the mirror

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    7 points hongooi

    And have microplastics in your balls

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    5 points Paizzu

    If your balls are full of microplastics, where's the pee supposed to be stored?

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  • 106 points sparkly_butthole

    In 200 years, someone is going to quote this the same way we quote "I think, therefore I am."

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    20 points piezombi3

    Actually I was getting maya angelou "and still I rise" vibes from it.

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    8 points xiaorobear

    It is also a riff on "Nevertheless, she persisted."

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    3 points SunnyServing

    Not too far off from Undertale's "Despite everything, it's still you".

    /r/hopeposting is right over there btw guys :)

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  • 86 points TheComplimentarian

    One day you will have something happen to you, and you will survive it, and ever after people will ask, “How did you keep going after that?”

    And the answer is, “What’s the other option?”

    We persist.

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    18 points demlet

    I mean, lots of people choose the other option...

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    42 points EarthRester

    and thus ain't nobody asking them how they kept going.

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    17 points hellish_existance

    damn. shits logically sound af

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    4 points demlet

    You got me there.

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    4 points TheComplimentarian

    Surprisingly, no one asks them how they did it.

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    2 points aivlysplath

    Tactless people might ask their family members how they did it afterwards though.

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    3 points TheComplimentarian

    Tactless people ask that anyway. My wife and I lost three parents in a year, and people would ask about it. Seriously?

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    2 points aivlysplath

    Yeah I don’t understand how people can’t quell their morbid curiosity in the face of grief. It’s disturbing.

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    3 points skeenerbug

    Humans are curious, dumb creatures

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    3 points demlet

    Survival instinct. We stare at tragedies because we're trying to learn how to avoid them, even if we might not realize that's what we're doing. We want to know how people died for the same reason. Some people just aren't very good at repressing that instinct I guess.

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    3 points Windfade

    I got cats to feed.

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    2 points MasterSpliffBlaster

    My business was destroyed in a cyclone in march

    For 8 months ive gritted my teeth, bend in the wind and slowly rebuilt while keeping my staff employed

    This week I got fucked up at gaga and we reopen next week

    Such is the sands of time

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  • 45 points Bortron86

    Does Gumby even have balls?

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    11 points ShredGuru

    What happens when Gumby's gums recede? Is there even bone underneath?

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    20 points Bortron86

    When Gumby's gums recede, all that is left is "by".

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    2 points MasterSpliffBlaster

    Gums recede because there is a loss of bone

    Gumby is one big exposed root surface it would seem

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    5 points Shoelace_cal

    Gum balls

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    2 points OttoVonPlittersdorf

    I do believe that he can have them whensoever he should so choose.

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    2 points demlet

    Based on his voice, no.

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    2 points AUsernameThatIsTaken

    They’re called cumbies

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    2 points terdferguson

    I'm not sure why this made me think of Eddie Murphy as gumby in SNL skits but that mist have been a thic outfit.

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  • 18 points MustardCoveredDogDik

    Do not go gentle into that good night

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    6 points SolidusBruh

    We will not vanish without a fight!

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  • 18 points Hades_Mercedes

    "Roll me, Homie

    My hips all bony, I getting sores, I getting lonely"

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    6 points rLrrL

    deep cut reference

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  • 14 points Former-Ad9272

    "It's 60⁰ in December..."

    Checks weather app

    High of 0⁰ tomorrow

    "...Lucky!"

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    5 points Loorrac

    Feels like 78 in Houston

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    2 points monty624

    80 in Phoenix :(

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    2 points jdore8

    Got a heat wave where I am, 27 degrees and dropping the next few days.

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    2 points Former-Ad9272

    Jeez! Don't get a sunburn! 😂

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    2 points scapesober

    Just come live in the desert, it will prep you for the future anyway

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    2 points Former-Ad9272

    I can't just yet. Outside chores are going to suck tomorrow, but every day like this is a day closer to expanding my ice fishing prospects 😂

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    2 points geeses

    Stocks are down...

    Checks stock market

    All time high

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    2 points balllzak

    Given that the date is cut off, this brand new sentence is probably several years old.

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    2 points Miserable_Hour_2337

    I’m in Wyoming and it was 51 today and has only mildly snowed once all winter where I live. This shit is wild.

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    2 points Former-Ad9272

    Wow! You guys are having a heat wave! Don't get me wrong, I prefer to see winter weather in December. That being said I'm not looking forward to doing outdoor chores tomorrow morning. -10⁰ is just a little rough for that kind of thing.

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  • 10 points Nice_Albatross_5486

    This is modern day stoicism at its finest

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    5 points LessThanHero42

    Reminds me of this

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  • 5 points 0x7E7-02

    That's why you need to rub one out pretty often, so you can get those plastics out of the balls.

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    3 points TheComplimentarian

    If you do it right, you'll be shooting Lego bricks, and that makes up for the stock dip.

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  • 4 points TouchOfAmbrose

    Unexpected poetry?

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    2 points Mean-Age-5134

    Nevertheless is such a melodic word when spoken with a little sarcasm that it definitely seems that way, doesn’t it?

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    2 points TouchOfAmbrose

    Absolutely. Plus the line usage is very poetic in form.

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  • 5 points old_tyro

    I feel this in my exposed roots

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  • 5 points Pulga_Atomica

    That's a real skookum choocher.

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  • 3 points beefprime

    In this place, purpose is a burden... and you, my friend, must unburden yourself.

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  • 3 points TheEarlOfZinger

    Try flossing

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  • 3 points Liquid_Chaos87

    60 degrees?...Where? We are supposed to be a high of 7 on Sunday. Give me the 60.

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  • 3 points reddit_sells_you

    The movies portray the apocalypse as an event that happens over a day or a week.

    In reality, the apocalypse is decades long and this is just the beginning.

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  • 3 points ProtoKun7

    Not really surprised about the microplastics if it's Gumby.

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  • 3 points shaoshi

    Hey look, this guy has stocks!

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  • 3 points MasterSpliffBlaster

    Relax, its december, stock houses always cash out just before xmas so they have holiday money to play with their families

    Your balls on the other hand…

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  • 3 points Its_Pyro_

    I love how you put the post in the title

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  • 3 points account_depleted

    My balls laugh at microplastics.  Soon Anyone can kick me in the balls & I'll laugh.

    But until then I'll curl up in a ball & cry.

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  • 4 points UsafAce45

    Wait…how do you know there are…nvm, I’m sure you checked.

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    7 points Melodic_Eggplant_252

    If you have them, they are in yours too.

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  • 2 points Apprehensive_Ad3857

    Yeah.. It's 18 degrees here..

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    2 points blackhodown

    We just had a 60 degree day in Idaho which is insane for mid December.

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  • 2 points BeauShowTV

    If your stocks are down, that's all you.

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    -1 points Appleslicer

    You might be up if got lucky gambling on meme stocks, but the average 401k is still down from a year and a half ago.

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    3 points borkthegee

    No way bro the average 401k is up massively. Market is at all time high. You have to be truly incompetent to not be at your all time high.

    For example I see in one of my bog standard 401k accounts is up from 35k to 50k since last summer. That's almost doubling.

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    2 points WordleFanatic

    That’s not double at all. 

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    4 points borkthegee

    But it sure as shit positive

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    2 points WordleFanatic

    No doubt

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    2 points hadrosaur

    How did you do in wordle today? i got it in 3

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    2 points WordleFanatic

    Sadly, today was 4. Yesterday was 3. 

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    0 points Appleslicer

    The average 401k is down from a year and a half ago. Most people have a limited amount of control over what their employer invests their 401k into. The current market is propped up entirely by the AI bubble.

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    3 points borkthegee

    Sorry but this is completely false, and since you have no sourcing or evidence, theres little point in continuing. The market, every major ETF, and every major 401k comp is up massively. Is what it is.

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    1 points Appleslicer

    That is true and I have plenty of sources and evidence, but apparently posting them against the rules of this sub.

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    3 points borkthegee

    Fidelity 401k Q3 2025 analysis: Up 9% from 2024 https://about.fidelity.com/data-and-insights/q3-2025-retirement-analysis

    Corporate bond total return (proxy for 401k bonds): Up 10% from 2024 https://fred.stlouisfed.org/data/BAMLCC0A0CMTRIV

    I literally cannot find any single part of this market that 401k's have exposure to that is down lol

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    1 points Appleslicer

    Again, the sub won't let me post my links, apparently they're considered to be political in nature. Your Fidelity link seems to be conflating contribution rates with growth rates, and corporate bonds are leveraged against debt, which also isn't indicative of growth.

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    2 points BeauShowTV

    The S&P 500 is far from a meme stock and it's up more than average.

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    -1 points Appleslicer

    The S&P is currently being propped up by the AI bubble, which I would consider to be a collection of meme stocks.

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    2 points BeauShowTV

    Lmao, ok. It's still up.

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    -1 points Appleslicer

    And the average 401k is still down from a year and a half ago.

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    2 points BeauShowTV

    That isn't true either.

    Edit: There's no way this isn't a troll or bot. See ya.

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    1 points Appleslicer

    It is, but posting links is apparently against the rules of this sub, so ¯\(ツ)/¯

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    2 points lozo78

    But you are incorrect. A quick Google showed the last 18 months have seen great returns for the average 401k.

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  • 2 points Old173

    The horrors persist but so do I

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  • 2 points gayjospehquinn

    He doesn't live near me clearly.

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  • 2 points informat7

    The stock market is up +15% this year. If your stocks are down that's on you.

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  • 2 points raised_by_toonami

    The modern day Maya Angelou.

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  • 2 points DrRagnorocktopus

    The winds in MatSu Alaska have gotten so fucking bad lately. We've always had horrifying winds every winter, but nowhere near as bad as what we've been getting lately. We had tornado force winds last week, in excess of 80 mph(130kph) in certain areas. In 2022 the winds got up to over 100mph(160kph). Infrastructure has kinda kept up for the most part, but I fear the MatSu valley may become just a natural wonder like Yellowstone or Lake Maracaibo if the world doesn't make some serious changes to energy production.

    But hey, at least kids don't have to worry about risking frostbite when trick or treating anymore./s

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  • 2 points Lilfrankieeinstein

    Yikes.

    I can’t imagine living somewhere that doesn’t experience 60’ in December. Cold weather sucks.

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  • 2 points dalamarnightson

    Its been consistently in the 30s here. Dk where OP lives. And it snowed today.

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  • 2 points Adams5thaccount

    its 70+ in vegas this week

    i wanna be clear that this is really fuckin wierd even by our standards

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  • 2 points Basic_Bichette

    looks at thermometer

    -23°

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  • 2 points RoosterzX

    It's a new sentence but I fear it will become more common.

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  • 2 points BetterThanSydney

    Read this Werner Herzog's voice.

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  • 2 points ironhead1-

    Sounds like something LukeTheNotable would say

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  • 2 points CatarmyGaming

    Why did I read this like a poem 😭

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  • 0 points Kahnza

    That's two sentences

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    4 points Shoelace_cal

    The second one isn’t new

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  • -1 points coreyjdl

    Your stocks shouldn't be down unless you JUST bought them. Checking the Dow, it's up over everytime frame beyond 1 day, but only an idiot would work with retirement funds on one day time frames.

    You should floss.

    It's normally in the 60s give or take in December around here. I just found where it was 85 the day before Christmas in 1955. Should be so lucky this year.

    Microplastics may be an issue though, seems like they're impacting your ability to look up things, like how stocks are doing, or use the historical weather data that's free and easy to find on wunderground.com, or how to to do hygiene.

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