Right, they were asking St. Attila to make sure their aim was true. The grenade was made from Saint Nicholas' emissions, just like Attila used to do when he was still alive.
...and the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats....
whoever drinks it has to be santa for their entire remaining lifespan. The church chooses who has to be subjected to this fate based off of who gives the other person the crappiest gift at the Vatican's office christmas party
It is condensation from humidity where the remains are, something with the sea water nearby or whatever it was. It’s been tested and it is indeed water. Not oil as originally claimed. Read up on it awhile back so I can’t provide much detail without looking it up again lol
When I first started using reddit this would have been the top comment chain. I don't know who to blame, gen z, tik tok, bots, micro plastic...but commentors have gotten incredibly annoying with their brain dead "jokes".
Thank you for actually adding something worth reading.
When did you start using Reddit? I've been here since about 2012 and the top comment was almost always a pun thread with people saying "I hate it here."
2012 Reddit was already ruined with memes, turning it into 9gag, pre 2012 reddit was news forum, I came here from Digg exodus and back then frontpage was always breaking news, with top comments of more sources, insight etc. it was amazing place. Sometimes breaking news even before mainstream media would. It was absolutely insane.
I'd be surprised if this was the case purely because the condensation would be pulling the salt away with it. This going on for 1700 years wouldn't leave much salt behind
You would be correct. Researchers from the University of Bari tested the "manna" and determined it to just be water. Their hypothesis was that it was simple condensation from the cave.
But what to they know - it's much more likely the the bones have secreted 85L of magic juice over the last 1700 years, right?
Usually the case with any "relic" is that the church won't let anyone study it because, universally, they know that this stuff is horseshit.
There are "saints" with several dozen of the same body parts circulating around dozens of countries, all "officially" the same part of the saint. If you DNA tested them, chances are that NONE of them could be that person.
If you tested this stuff, guaranteed it's something modern that they've put on the body, or something like water dripping off something nearby.
I'm not religious but if I were, Catholicism is the only one I would want to be part of. They have creepy churches, a spooky city, demons, latin, crazy rituals, and can yank the devil out of people with holy water. Way more fun than Mormonism.
Saint Nicolas was a real priest who devoted his life to homeless and poor children. In Benelux we still celebrate him visiting our homes every year on the 6th of December.
Then America stole and adapted these ideas ( like they did with Halloween)
The personification of Santa clause as you know it is a made up person by Coca Cola. Before that brought to America by the Dutch, and changed from a man on a horse with a lakey to a man on a sledge with elf’s and reindeers, based on collecting a various type of legends/mythos and sages from all over Europe. ( like saint nicolas, Father Christmas, even Odin comes to play before that with visiting at winter/yule with the ‘wild hunt’)
On the rare occasion when the Vatican gets called in to do an exorcism and actually decides to do it, they source from the collection vials they have stored in the achieves. This is trueholy water to them.
I wonder what they actually do with Santa’s bone juice?
Stockpile it and turn it into consecrated grenades, throwing knives, and other martial weaponry as a hedge against the return of Krampus.
So that's how the Holy Hand Grenade is made
1! 2! 4!
3, sir!
3! chucks grenade
Nope, 3!=6.
r/unexpectedfactorial
5 is right out!
He says 5.
1.....2.....5....
3 sir!
3!
Lobbeths thy holy hand grenade
At least get the quote right!!
Three shall be the number of the counting. No more. No less
Yes! 1, 2, and 24
Surely that was St Attila though?
I quote scriprure
'Saint Attila raised the grenade and asked the Lord to bless it to blow enemies to tiny bits.'
Right, they were asking St. Attila to make sure their aim was true. The grenade was made from Saint Nicholas' emissions, just like Attila used to do when he was still alive.
TIL there wasn't actually a St. Attila
Sounds like a real hun to me.
Lol. That came from the silly mind of Terry Gilliam.
...and the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats....
I thought for a millisecond you were saying stock.
Like chicken stock.
Santa stock. Ho ho Bone broth
Chicken broth grenades, of course. Consecrated
If we concentrate the broth, do they get stronger?
I feel like the broth itself comes out freshly consecrated
Yeah, but concentrated consecration sounds like a kick ass metal song.
Consecration concentrate
A broth-er in alms.
Christmas consommé, if you will. There again, he's a fat bastard and you're going to have to skim it all the time.
They collect it on feast day, I think that tells you the answer
Makes GREAT syrup. Delicious on crepes
People do the weirdest, most disturbing things sometimes, and this is absolutely crepey.
Nah fr, I'm Eastern Orthodox and find it very strange when people use "relics" like this
not the human bone broth T_T
Christians are fucking weird, man
It's essentially a blood sacrifice cult, so this is pretty on-brand really.
I have heard Christianity referred to as a Death Cult and y'know I gotta say, looking at the activities of those cultists today, it's kinda spot on
Pretty sure they're openly worshipping a lich, but that's not even that weird for them tbh
You can actually buy in diluted form as a relic
Anyone ran the substance through a lab - a laboratory, not a labrador, fcs - it'd be a shame if it happened to be a health hazard.
They did, and found that it’s just water from condensation. Source
Moist by Santa.
When you want to smell like reindeer ass, use Moist by Santa.
Shocking
Only once you add a current.
You telling me you're surprised 1700 year old bones don't just leak bone marrow
Yes. It’s water condensation.
But it touched his bones and that's something
Right? Not quite "holy water" but probably "holy" water
Yeah. A guitar pick is just a little piece of plastic but if it's one that a band threw into the crowd it's special. Same thing here.
Instructions unclear - Gonna pull a Nic Cage and steal Santa's bones to make guitar pics.
You'd have to try hard to keep a lab from running it through himself on his own
My stash of Maui Wowie got ran through a Labrador once, had to follow him around with a little bag for three days
They tap the Santa Mana as a red/white dual land.
Or is it red/green?
Im pretty sure it's all three
It's naya, nah yeah?
https://preview.redd.it/rrcv6px9e76g1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=f2bf89af4d0449ea609d23ab01e51eda86e017bf
This is a good theory
if I mix it with estrogen would I turn into Mrs. Claus?
It’s the Catholic Church- they sell it.
For spell usage I bet.
Apply to a melee weapon. It grants +10% damage against undead and demons.
Uh, no. +10% against naughty children.
Does the bone juice hurting?
No, Santa is dead and feels no pain
r/bonehurtingjuice
That’s how they make egg nog, of course.
I believe it's the key ingredient in Santa Liquor
We probably don’t even want to know
So this is what Santa Water is in Vampire Survivors
Holy fuck I never thought of that... you're a genius
Oh my god it has to be
Is the liquid purple?
Yep the dev is from Puglia region
(Santa just means holy in italian)
Then why isn't it called Holy Acqua?
I don’t think they take the Italian naming very seriously. A bunch of characters are named after different types of cheese
Also Arca Ladonna and Porta Ladonna are way too close to Porca Madonna which is Italian blasphemy
No clue. I watched a little documentary/interview from the maker a few days back, which is the only reason I know :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQVdR8mJrds
Damn that seems so incredibly obvious that I can’t believe how much my mind was blown by reading that.
Whoa: that is fucking crazy
It’s peppermint extract
That’s how peppermint mocha is done
I was thinking peppermint schnapps, but yeah.
Tap: Add 🌳☀️🔥 to your manna pool.
This comes on the field pre-tapped tho
Somethings coming alright.
🎶Santa, baby…🎶
That’s what the voltaic key is for silly billy. It’s obviously an artifact at this point.
You lose the game at the end of turn.
Two days in a row with this shit…
Urza’s Bone Juice Power Plant
What's this strange oil?
... It's probably nothing.
When mystery liquids emitting from religious relics is studied, it’s almost always something like a sewage leak, condensation etc
thought i was in the wrong subreddit for a second there
This feels more the mana is generated during upkeep, and you have to use it or lose it when the phase ends.
Naya is an interesting choice, bones from underground of religious figure(s) feels more Abzan (💀🌳☀️) to me.
Counts as a snow source
⤵️: Add🎄
I always hated the Ice mana, I'm glad they dropped that for the St. Nick run.
Original Recipe Coke.
Including the cocaine.
You know he's not keeping that delivery schedule on cookies and hot chocolate alone... All I'm saying is, Rudolph's nose wasn't red for no reason.
What is this from?
"I Think You Should Leave" on Netflix!
Cant recommend enough its really funny!
Most of the skits I don’t even know what’s happening and don’t know it’s funny til the end. Great show
I Think You Should Leave. A sketch comedy series by Tim Robinson.
Do you really have herpes?
I Think You Should Leave
Fine, but where is this gif from first?
I think you should leave
Y'all are really rude. We just wanted to know where the gif is from.
I think you should leave
Y'all are really hurting my feelings now. I just wanted to know where the gif was from.
🎶The skeletons will pull your hair. Up but not out. 🎶
You said the thing about how the bones are their money like four times
r/drinkityoucoward
whoever drinks it has to be santa for their entire remaining lifespan. The church chooses who has to be subjected to this fate based off of who gives the other person the crappiest gift at the Vatican's office christmas party
hides my crucifix shaped pencil eraser I was gonna give to the Pope to symbolize religion becoming less and less prominent
Wait, so if Santa is nothing more than a pile of bones, who the hell keeps leaving coal in my stocking?
Henry
That's Vecna to you buddy!
Henry's come to see us!
Jesus Christ be praised!
IS it coal, though? Leave it in there and see if your stocking is damp when you unpack it next year.
Krampus?
I imagine that isn't oil but rather condensation that accumulates on salts that were used to preserve the body.
I have no clue if salts were used but I do know that salts will accumulate water if they're stored in a place with unstable temperature / humidity
It is condensation from humidity where the remains are, something with the sea water nearby or whatever it was. It’s been tested and it is indeed water. Not oil as originally claimed. Read up on it awhile back so I can’t provide much detail without looking it up again lol
When I first started using reddit this would have been the top comment chain. I don't know who to blame, gen z, tik tok, bots, micro plastic...but commentors have gotten incredibly annoying with their brain dead "jokes".
Thank you for actually adding something worth reading.
When did you start using Reddit? I've been here since about 2012 and the top comment was almost always a pun thread with people saying "I hate it here."
2012 Reddit was already ruined with memes, turning it into 9gag, pre 2012 reddit was news forum, I came here from Digg exodus and back then frontpage was always breaking news, with top comments of more sources, insight etc. it was amazing place. Sometimes breaking news even before mainstream media would. It was absolutely insane.
"We did it, Reddit!"
I'd be surprised if this was the case purely because the condensation would be pulling the salt away with it. This going on for 1700 years wouldn't leave much salt behind
If you have a holy miracle you want to keep going though, you have some incentive to sprinkle some new salt on it every now and then though
It’s actually just a long tradition of naughty priests spitting in the bottle when nobody’s looking.
“This is for the coal, bastard.” hawk-tuah
I would not even believe the 1700 year claim without some scientific tests to confirm it either tbh
Maybe they regularly season Santa?
Reminds me of that statue in India that cried so they would bathe and drink it. It was a leaking sewer line......
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeping_crucifix_in_Mumbai
You would be correct. Researchers from the University of Bari tested the "manna" and determined it to just be water. Their hypothesis was that it was simple condensation from the cave.
But what to they know - it's much more likely the the bones have secreted 85L of magic juice over the last 1700 years, right?
Usually the case with any "relic" is that the church won't let anyone study it because, universally, they know that this stuff is horseshit.
There are "saints" with several dozen of the same body parts circulating around dozens of countries, all "officially" the same part of the saint. If you DNA tested them, chances are that NONE of them could be that person.
If you tested this stuff, guaranteed it's something modern that they've put on the body, or something like water dripping off something nearby.
Catholicism is fucking weird
You mean you DONT have the bones of famous people that you regularly collect the fluids out of?
What else are you supposed to do with your bone fluids?
Address the moisture issue that's causing them.
Or rebrand the leak as mystic to enable further panhandling. Dealer's choice.
They're just pouring tap water in and selling it.
Holy bath water is not a concept I was ready for
Oh you mean witchcraft?
Orthodox church does that too
Seems a little un-… nevermind
/r/dadjokes:
Have you heard the one about the pencil?
It’s pointless.
Orthodox churches are just regional servers for the Catholicism MMO.
I'm not religious but if I were, Catholicism is the only one I would want to be part of. They have creepy churches, a spooky city, demons, latin, crazy rituals, and can yank the devil out of people with holy water. Way more fun than Mormonism.
Catholicism won the aesthetic war 1500 years ago and no one has even come close.
Mfs will spend hundreds of years to build a cathedral soley so it can have a metric ass load of aura.
Agreed. Protestants would, at least, try to sell it in a TV show
The Templars were a Catholic army.
Oh yeah, I forgot he was a real saint that existed.
Saint Nicolas was a real priest who devoted his life to homeless and poor children. In Benelux we still celebrate him visiting our homes every year on the 6th of December. Then America stole and adapted these ideas ( like they did with Halloween)
The personification of Santa clause as you know it is a made up person by Coca Cola. Before that brought to America by the Dutch, and changed from a man on a horse with a lakey to a man on a sledge with elf’s and reindeers, based on collecting a various type of legends/mythos and sages from all over Europe. ( like saint nicolas, Father Christmas, even Odin comes to play before that with visiting at winter/yule with the ‘wild hunt’)
Netherlands has it on the 5th
The new Mars Volta lyrics are dope
XMAS SKELETONS
SEEPING OUT SANTA DELIGHT™
...they collect it for....what?
An article on the bones linked by another redditor says they dilute it in water and then that is placed into little relics that can be purchased.
They dilute water in water?
To con little old ladies
for the feast of course
Bone hurting juice
Perfect opening for a Xmas horror novel.
Like a holiday-themed version of John Carpenter’s Prince Of Darkness; with the whole “liquid Satan” thing.
https://preview.redd.it/pgec5n0sc76g1.jpeg?width=297&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d747ba4514b78f17a4bc1e38c042db8c57dc29ea
https://preview.redd.it/p1dqfnvol76g1.jpeg?width=166&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9e5572387ddde169e3c901d47f6155410825127
collects it once a year on his Feast Day and ?
https://preview.redd.it/dc33upmlp76g1.jpeg?width=1320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9016af05c1e5e99fe182a4e6dbd30eb21d9d16ad
It'll turn out that a lavatory is leaking on the upper floor like with that statue
https://i.redd.it/66vcgtcc776g1.gif
Tastes like gingerbread and peppermint
Is this why we leave milk out for Santa? For the bones? FOR THE BONES‽
There was a similar story with a jesus statue dripping water from its toes
eventually they found a leaky pipe
Depending on the place this is either natural condensation or lack of maintenence
Act like the occult is crazy while siphoning oil from the bone remains of a 1700 year old corpse.
1,700 years old, how is this a new sentence?
OP got kidnapped by time travelers and ended up here.
Counter-point: no they aren't.
The remains in the sarcophagus are quite factually leaking. You can find articles on this going back over a decade.
The Church actually collects the liquid.
Now, drink the Christmas spirits!
I wonder if it tastes like peppermint schnapps?
Check if it's alcoholic. They may've found the Christmas Spirit
If my bone was only touched once a year, I’d be leaking constantly too
Seems like something the Catholic Church would do
It turns people into Elf slaves for factory labor.
On the rare occasion when the Vatican gets called in to do an exorcism and actually decides to do it, they source from the collection vials they have stored in the achieves. This is true holy water to them.
/s
/j
The weeping crucifix of Mumbai was from a sewage pipe leak...
So who wants to take bets on what kind of plumbing issue is the actual cause? Sewer? Toilet?
They finally have concentrated Christmas
This is the first I'm hearing about the Italians having Santa's bones.
https://preview.redd.it/fral5oq1ab6g1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dff9e66742deeabaad60693d24de8967d1dd4acb
Feast day… ? They are 100% drinking it