I’m gay and married to a man. My boomer mother still has hopes that I’ll have kids.

I'm so sorry for your struggles :(

I hope this doesn't come off as flippant, but I'd be saying "No they're not; just stop." if someone told me that their friends were interested in any aspect of my life.

I used to get the “everyone is asking me” nonsense from my late mother in law. I lost it one time and told her “everyone” needs to mind their own GD business.

Tell them that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.

"Yes, we want kids. We are struggling with infertility, which you know. Why do you keep asking? It's hurtful and rude. Knock it off. From now on I will immediately terminate the conversation if you start this." Then back it up.

When my husband came out as sterile, my FIL treated him like a second class person for a long while.

It was heartbreaking.

Because boomers see grandkids as trophies to show off, not human beings. They’re trying to pass on their social obligations to you so they can feel like somebody important in their own circles.

Just another case of keeping up with the Jones’. This is their whole life. My mom was “gram-auntie” to my cousin’s kid and she would compete with her sister for kid points because neither of her daughters (me and my sis) wanted kids. It was weird.

I almost died from being pregnant with my last baby. My boomer MIL: Are you having another baby one day?

Boomers are out of touch with reality per usual. They’ll sit in their 4 bedroom paid off homes while their adult children can’t afford housing/childcare and then can’t understand why they aren’t having kids

"WTF are boomers doing?"

Being Fools.

I'll see myself out.

But you are correct, don't let anyone dictate your life choices but you.

I had 2 kids because I wanted them. My parents didn’t catch on to “grand parenting” until my second baby when it dawned on them that this was it. My mom is the most awkward person with babies. Really makes me wonder about my childhood.

….aaaand then they retired and leave the country half the year. They’re sad this year because the baby is growing up too fast. So, maybe don’t go then?!? Or don’t go for six months if you’re worried she’ll forget you?

My sibling (the favourite) is likely NOT to have children, even though my mother does this whole “no pressure but you should do it” dance. So if they screw up grand parenting my two children, that’s it for them.

I bet my mom is also off on holiday right now telling someone they wish they could spend more time with the grandkids but I’m the one who is so independent and stubborn…

Trust me. They'll demand grandkids and then when you have them they'll spend next to zero time with them and constantly question every parenting decision you make while having zero helpful suggestions (beat the shit out of them when they act up is not a helpful suggestion).

My wife broke her leg this summer and was left unable to walk for 2 months. I had to work and getting the parents on either side to watch our son was a nightmare. They're all retired but apparently had no time in their busy fox news watching schedules

My Mom called me on my 24th birthday to remind me that she had 2 kids by that age, and what was I waiting for. Mind you not in a relationship, just being a 24 year old enjoying life. Trying to explain that it's different escapes some of them.

My boomer mom didn’t stop asking until I was 39 and had colon cancer. Nothing in that area works anymore. When I was 10yo I decided I didn’t want kids. People can be awful.

To be clear - your husband’s mother is the one being demanding when it is your husband’s genetic anomalies creating the issue for the two of you? I can only assume she doesn’t know, because that would be peak boomer.

I obviously wouldn’t want to share anyone’s health information without consent, but knowing my husband - he’d be the one to tell his own parents that the bad genes they gave him are the cause of all of this strife. As it is, a big part of the reason he doesn’t want kids are the genetic issues that clearly run in his dad’s family and he told his dad as much. His dad is caught up in the idea of their name dying and his “line ending,” but it absolutely should end and my husband said he would never risk a child with the health issues they all have.

We (gen xers) made a vow to never ask our kids about having kids. When they first mentioned thinking about it, we told them our stance. They were very appreciative.

Why are they so interested in their children's sex lives? "Have you been raw dogging my daughter enough?" Basically what they're asking and some how this is socially acceptable?

My husband and I got married young. We traveled, bought a house and enjoyed the first 10 years of our marriage before having kids. My mother drove me crazy asking when we were going to have kids. It was constant and the asking got worse every time someone she knew had another grandchild.

I got pregnant. She was thrilled. When I was 6 months along, her and my stepfather sold their house and moved 4 hours away. She has rarely been involved in my daughters life. Never attended a game, school event, play. Has never taken my daughter out shopping, to the zoo, a playground, a park, nothing. It's holidays only.

A couple weeks ago I told my husband that I wasn't inviting my mother to Christmas this year. Our relationship isn't great and I've been LC for the last 6 months after years of her BS. My daughter said "good, that means we can enjoy the holidays and not fake like we're happy she's here."

So much for wanting to be a grandparent.

I'd tell her "I'm waiting for you to die".

Has your mother offered to pay for IVF treatments or surrogacy? Is she willing to become a full time nanny once the baby is born or pay for $1800 a month daycare and contribute to a 529 savings account every month?

Boomers are only concerned with what they want. That's why the planet's fucking trashed and the economy's in the shitter. That's the start and end of it.

I’m a 49F, single and childless, and my boomer mother keeps telling me there’s still time. I’m in the midst of perimenopause and I also can’t fathom being 77 when my kid graduates high school. No thank you. AND my sister resents me because the weight of our mother’s child-rearing expectations all falls on her.

Its about status to most of them, and for those boomers its about showing off the grandbaby on Facebook and bragging to their friends about it

Your mil might not be that way but for a lot of boomers they are.

They can want grandkids all they want but if they can’t be supportive then they need to be told to stay out of it

Having kids because they want to be grandparents is never the answer.

Tell them that you're trying as hard as you can and ask them to pray for you, then change the subject. If you make it a little awkward they will want to move on

I have one kiddo, and apparently that’s not good enough. They always want more and more.

I feel like I would reach a point where my anger at being pestered about it outweighed my trauma of the attempts and I would just start describing the miscarriages in graphic detail if she wants to be so in the loop about it.

We had one child, or rather, I had one child from my first marriage.

My mother pestered us until I had a hysterectomy about when were we giving her MORE grandchildren. I finally told her that it wasn’t happening. If it hadn’t happened by now, it wasn’t going to, and since our kid was (at the time) nineteen years old, we were fine with this. Mom sulked until my brother got married seven years later, and they didn’t have the first baby for two more years after that. Now that my brother and his wife are having The Long-Awaited Boy Who Will Carry On The Family Name? My girl and their oldest, my niece? Definitely not the favored and blessed grandchildren. It doesn’t help that my parents and SIL are sulking because I’m more interested in my own grandchildren (our daughter is engaged, and her intended comes with three girls, so we now have grandgirls, who we love and adore) than on The Golden Penis.

My MIL? JFC. She wanted to know when we’d be giving her a “real” grandchild. I told her that she could appreciate her son’s child that he had currently (husband is the only son, he has sisters), or we would ensure there would be no more kids on our side. She threw a giant hissy fit about how we were depriving her, and I told her that she wasn’t going to get her way by having a tantrum.

We were not interested in having another child, and having that woman play favorites.

So, both Boomers act like we’re the worst for not having more children, but also treat our girl like she’s an afterthought.

I mean it sounds like her friends just need to hear you say never.

Sorry you're going through it.

I never considered it was anyone else’s business but my own, because it is not. Stop entertaining any questions that you don’t need to answer.

I’ll never forget being on the phone with my dad after I received news that my uterus was permanently scarred after repeated miscarriages, and my dad saying “Well, my neighbor has 13 grandchildren!”

…. Okay???????

We're anal only. No Kids ever. 🤷‍♂️

I ´am a sailor and all my life my mom ressented me for not having kids, now i tell her that i have some in ports around the caribeans 🤪 and 54 years old i donnot want anymote

My dad: I demand Thing X from you.

Me: Dad, go out and get fucked.

The end.

I’m so glad my mother in law doesn’t care about this stuff, we don’t want kids and no one has ever asked. Im very lucky

I just tell them my kids are fluffy and she should be grateful that I allow her visitation to her grandkittens (especially since I am Child Free by choice. She did NOT like it, but it did stop a lot of the bitching about it.

Yea….. my ex mother in law did this exact same shit.

Pro tip: she doesn’t give a shit about having grand kids. She doesn’t want to help you with them. She wants to be able to show them off on Facebook and tell everyone how great of a grandparent she is, while only seeing your kids on major holidays when she demands to see them and she pretends like she raises them herself and gets all fucking butthurt when your kids glare at her blankly and wonder who that crazy bitch is that keeps trying to force them to hug her and take pictures with her.

Easy solution…. Rip off the bandaid and stand up for yourself and your partner and tell her you aren’t and go get a vasectomy done so she can never win.

Mine were the opposite. Told me and my wife when we were in our early 30s that we were TOO YOUNG to have children. Wanted us to basically parent THEM for the rest of our lives, while also not working outside the home. Either extreme is toxic as hell.

It doesn't ease up if/when you do have kids, btw. They'll pester you about another, often before the one you're pregnant with is even born, or just after. There's no winning.

I've been firmly one and done since I was pregnant. The only people who give me problems with it are my boomer grandmothers. They just can't wrap their heads around it for some reason. I enjoy being a mother. We can't financially afford another, and I can't mentally and emotionally handle another. It's that simple for me. My MOM of all people keeps telling them one is enough nowadays, but it just doesn't sink in for them.

I also had to do lovenox and heparin shots for half my pregnancy. I don't wanna do it again. It wasn't terrible, but like...no thanks, you know?

"Stop asking about how often I'm getting creampied. Especially at the dinner table." That'll learn 'em.

Nope nope nope. Gen X'er with a Millennial and a Gen Z kids. We have granddogs and I am plenty happy with that.

My father made such a big deal out of wanting grandchildren for years. Now that she's here? He could not be bothered. The first time we took her to meet him, a very long trip with a baby, we couldn't get him off his fucking phone. He didn't even send her a Christmas present. 

Pretend she’s being honest when she says her friends want to know.  Ask her why it’s so important to her friends to know this and give her advice on shutting down intrusive questions. 

What is it with these narcissistic folks that they think they have the right to make these 'demands' ? I'm a boomer (can't help it, was born on the 1940s) and I NEVER would have harangued my kids like that. And I know that there were quite a few hiccups along the way to the four grandchildren that we now have - a miscarriage, a genetic anomaly scare (fortunately not with a bad outcome), IVF for my DIL in her late 30s with significant health issues. Sure, I very much envied my friends and family members who were already grandparents before ours came along. but that was private.

I wish you lots of luck !

Your reproduction - or lack of it - is YOUR business and no one else’s. You do not owe anyone an explanation.

You have my full and complete permission to tell these people to butt out.

If they keep harassing you about it, tell them that every time they bring it up, you will walk out, hang up the phone, stop texting, etc. Then do it.

My mum keeps making comments that her friends all have grandchildren and she doesn't. A lot of her friends had their own kids at a young age, and then their kids are having kids at a young age. My mum had me at 34, and I'm now 29 (I'm the youngest of 3, there's 4 years between each birth).

I have told her many times that the idea of having children absolutely terrifies me and I have nightmares about it. I also don't like being around children for long periods of time. I'm also single, and finishing university and I'm about to start a decent career. Yet she still holds out hope that one day I'll change my mind!

My brother had a vasectomy 4 years ago (I found this out at Christmas when joking about him having unknown kids around the world) and my sister has changed her mind on having kids with her husband. We've all got cats instead, fortunately my mum likes cats and it keeps her quiet long enough lol.

"I'm not having kids just because you can't handle your friends asking you about when I'm having kids. I dont even know your friends."

Boomers are the most conformist peer pressure ass generation ever.

Urgh I’m so sorry that your MIL is so flippant and selfish about this really sensitive topic. As others have said, a lot of boomers like having grandchildren as an extension of you and as such, themselves. It’s so selfish and doesn’t feel at all empathic for you and your partner.

I was told at 14 that due to medical issue's it would be dangerous to have kids but doable. At 25 I was told pregnancy is out of the question, I would die if I tried. So my boomer parents have had 26 years to come to terms with never being grandparents. My Mom even says I don't have the temperament to deal with kids lol.

"I don't want to talk about that. It’s a deeply personal and generally upsetting topic." Is all you need to say. Every time. Anyone who doesn't respect that doesn't respect you. Assuming they are not afflicted with Alzheimer's or something, that's what you say, and if they continue, say nothing and/or leave

my dad only mentioned grandkids once - when i was buying a car at 25 and he went to help. he made me get a four door instead of a coupe, for "kids". i am 36 now and have a cat and he has said nothing more about it. kinda looked the other way when my mom started calling salem her grandcat lol

Boomers be like that. I've stopped trying to be polite or subtle about boundaries.

Dealing with stuff like that I'll tell them we will not talk about that subject any more, and if they bring it up I'll stick to my guns, no more visits or chats until enough time has passed for me not to be as pissed off about the incident. Works out well enough

Op, I am sorry to hear this. If it is not truly possible for you and you husband to have children that should be good enough. I do not understand this compulsive need for being grandparents it is like it is some kind of race that has to be won. If I ever have grand children they will be loved if I ne er have any that is also OK I do not need thwm for my life to have meaning.

I answered this permanently by asking if my sister and I, who have both avoided marriage and children might possibly have been influenced by their bang up job raising kids. Or their super functional marriage. Hasn’t come up again.

Incredibly selfish behaviour by your MIL. I’m an old Gen Xer and would love to be a grandfather, but would never pressure my kids about it. If/when it happens…Yay!…but being a good dad to my adult children is way more important than become a grandparent.

Tell her to go fuck herself. It could not possibly be any less of her business.

First, I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this. People, especially boomers, have no common sense when it comes to being sensitive about pregnancies.

My boomer MIL was the same way when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I wanted to keep the news just to the immediate families—the first trimester is scary as it is.

She claimed “no one” had miscarriages back in the day when she was having kids. Oh??? Really??? No one had them?? Effing moron.

Hi op, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Instead of mil pretending her friends are all asking when you’re gonna have kids…. She needs some grace herself to stop bringing up a difficult and deeply upsetting topic.

She’s just….. I don’t care who I upset I just want what I want and i want it now!

Where’s her empathy for her son for goodness sake. I don’t think it’s necessarily boomer crap, just selfishness!

I'd go into as much detail as you can about everything you're doing to get pregnant. Make it as uncomfortable for them as you can.

Demand siblings from them.

It’s a deeply personal and generally upsetting topic.

Tell her that.

Tell her by text or email that it is something you do NOT want to discuss any further with her and that it is off limits.

Boomers vote.

yea my dad expected kids but I am taking my time since I had to pay for everything myself. I can afford them now but finding the right partner will be the challenge.

My nephew was born in 2000, we were visiting him and his parents in 2019, I wasn't paying attention to the beginning of the conversation but my sister started telling our boomer "mom" about how when my nephew was born she was told she'd die if she tried having another baby, and she struggled badly having him.

I have an extremely hard time believing that topic came out of nowhere. Our "mom" has bothered me for grandkids since I was 15yo and I don't know exactly how long she's bothered my siblings but it can't be good, IMO. The thing is that she's put me personally through so much illegal shit that it's astonishing she doesn't have a record; and she's told me about several illegal things she subjected my older siblings to. She genuinely can't be trusted with grandkids.

I came home from a bisalp and when I told her she just goes "those tubes will just grow back"... It's the same story as always, just wants whatever she wants and won't hear anything else, couldn't care less that I've been saying no ever since I was 15.

I’m 66 and have always considered the fertility of my four grown children to be none of my business. If they want to talk, I’m there, and if they don’t want to talk, that’s fine too. I would never invade their privacy.

Sit her down and give her intimate details of your sex life. Just keep going. Tell her about creampies and positions. If she’s so interested, maybe she can give you tips? I would make her feel soooo uncomfortable.

Tail-ended boomer here, and we’re not all like that. We say we’re happy with granddogs if that’s what they choose, and we mean it.

“ In my husband’s high school friend group, three couples, including us, are struggling to get pregnant or have “. I don’t know the size of your high school or town, but 3 couples from the same school having reproductive issues could be environmental. Any unusual or heavy use chemicals in your area?