"My house, my rules, remember? Adapt or leave".

It IS really that simple (for me, at least).

You’re describing preschoolers.

This sounds so frustrating.

Don’t invite them over again. If they complain, stop talking to them until further notice.

My mom is like this with my kid. I told her I dont take kindly to people questioning my parenting in my own home. If my rules make her uncomfortable, she’s free to leave. Unfortunately this only shut her up when my intent was to make her to leave.

My life goal is to never end up being the subject of this sub.

My parents aren't bad boomers, they haven't become selfish or entitled luckily.

But one bullet point there did strike me. In their old age, little things are suddenly pressing for them. Like your "where is the honey?" example. Little roadblocks in their life are now almost treated as emergencies. The other day my dad needed to borrow a tool. He called me at night about it, I said I'd bring it tomorrow. He texted me three times during the day, while I was working, to ask for status updates. Even though he knew I'd be coming by after work. "Hey - where is that tool?" "Are you still bringing that tool?"

I'm not sure what the phenomenon is really. Capable people who never let things get to them, and now little hurdles throw them for a loop and are treated like mini-crises.

This is why we tried exactly one Christmas hosting my parents and now they stay in a hotel lol

• they’re on different sleep schedules. Mom goes to bed at 8, wakes up at 4. Dad naps throughout the day and has tinnitus, so he needs the tv blasting at like 1, 3, and 5 AM

• dog is special needs and barks incessantly due to anxiety. Parents act like it’s normal and need to be asked to handle their dog (she is very sweet but very loud)

• they need a shitload of snacks in order to survive despite our cooking for them or going out, so there goes all the spare space in my kitchen

• we’re cord cutters so dad was watching fox business on his phone at full volume in the main gathering space

• out of toilet paper every half day and the toilets clogged 4 separate times over 4 days. I have zero clue why someone is using that much when no one is sick

That first Christmas, my husband and I went to drink at the Whole Foods bar just to catch a break. Yeesh.

I still remember the occasion I had to tell my dad, “Hey Pop, I sit at the head of my table!”

One of the happiest days of my life was telling my boomer parent in my home that “ no you cannot sit in the living room and watch TV while you eat, we eat at the dining room table in my house. Remember, my house so these are my rules”. He complied and still does because he won’t admit it was just bullshit to control us as kids.

My place isn’t big enough for overnight guests - so my parents stay at a hotel. But even if I get a big enough place - they can stay at a hotel bc it gives everyone much needed space and time away from each other.

I live in a one bedroom apartment and when my parents visit me, they usually just stay with me and take my room. My dog sleeps in my king-size bed with me, but when they stay I sleep on the couch and he sleeps on the floor next to me. Now, I’m fanatical about keeping the bedding clean, especially with guests, (he only sleeps on the outside of the covers at the foot of the bed) But, during their last visit my dad made a little snide comment about my dog sleeping in the bed. I looked him straight in the eye and deadpanned “that’s HIS bed, you’re just borrowing it” which shut him up.

About 18 years ago one of my younger brothers was hosting Easter dinner and dropped the "my house, my rules and if you don't like it, leave". My dad and brother were heated and arguing over something stupid, and when my brother dropped that, dad short-circuited and just stared for a minute before totally losing his shit and storming out. He rage exited in the car leaving my mom stranded. It was kind of glorious. The dysfunction was constant but rarely did it end with something epic like that. That was also the last year we did Easter dinner together.

They've been in charge for so long, they cannot conceive of not being the alpha dominant in-charge ruler of all they survey.

Fortunately, I never have to put up with that shit, because a) my dad and stepmom live in another state and don't travel any more, so they never stay with me, and b) even if they did travel, I live in a one-bedroom apartment with no space for even a single guest.

But when I visit them, it's not too difficult for me to shift back into the habits I had when I last lived with my parents. I can put up with them for a few days on the rare occasion when I visit.

I did this when my dad made a racist remark: “we don’t speak this that in this house.” Totally befuddled but he accepted it!

I remember turning the tables back on my father in my first house. Dad sat down on my sofa right next to my freshly bought ounce of weed

Dad "WTF is that?"

Me "Weed obviously"

Dad "I'm flushing it"

Me "the fuck you are. My house, my rules''

I lit a pre rolled one up right in front of him. He left very soon after that

Boomer Visit Rule #1: When you visit, you stay at a hotel.

After I got married and got my own home, my mom visited and tried this same kind of thing. I shut that down pretty quick. I told her this wasn't how we did things and to stop doing different.

Sorry dude but grow a spine and tell them off. You are justified in being frustrated, but if you let them walk over you, then they will. From what you've told us, you wouldn't be out of line for laying down the law for while they are staying with you

I remember playing the reverse Uno card of “my house, my rules” on my stepdad as an adult. He realized how ridiculous it is and we had a good laugh. It was actually a turning point in our relationship.

Silly silly silly...
I don’t understand why people raised by Boomers are so confused by this.

The rules were always perfectly clear. You just misunderstood the scope!

“My house, my rules” was never about property. It was about jurisdiction. You could move out, buy a house, start a family, pay a mortgage—but authority doesn’t transfer with the deed. Authority is portable. It travels. Like luggage. Like trauma.

So of course when they visit your home, it seamlessly becomes “your house, my rules.” That’s not hypocrisy; that’s consistency. The constitution doesn’t expire just because you have hardwood floors.

Naturally, the rules are now calibrated to their current operating system.

Silence at night, because they are asleep and therefore reality should pause. Noise in the morning is acceptable because they are awake and therefore reality should resume. This is not selfishness—it’s physics.

You must allow them a full hour to boot up in the morning. No questions. No interaction. No stimuli. But the second you wake up, you should already know where the honey is.

Time is relative. This is Einstein-level stuff.

Bathroom doors? Obviously closed now. Not because of logic, but because tradition. Toilet paper orientation has also been corrected. You may have lived incorrectly for years, but don’t worry—they noticed immediately.

Heat must run constantly, because their comfort zone is now one precise temperature, and missing it by even a degree is a medical emergency. Sustainability is a young person’s hobby.

And the dog—this is my favorite part—the dog must understand that while the room is usually theirs, it is temporarily not theirs, and this should not cause confusion or distress. The dog is being unreasonable.

What you’re experiencing isn’t entitlement. It’s continuity of command. They aren’t visiting you; they’re briefly inspecting the outpost you’ve been allowed to manage.

The rules didn’t change! You just forgot who they were always for.

Silly OP.

“Given your age, I think it would be best for you to book a hotel next visit!”

•Toilet paper rolls are flipped around

This takes the complaining about boomers to a whole other level. 🤣

Okay, the third one is somewhat reasonable. I need my coffee first thing in the morning before I dare talk to people. The rest of them, not so much.

Remind them of the rule they had for you when you were growing up: (pretty sure this was pretty standard for most boomers)

You are a guest in your relative's house. Follow their house rules.

You’ve got to start setting and keeping boundaries, treat them like they’re 3. Basic commands. No deep exploration of feelings or reasons. Just facts. They act lien this bc you let them get away with it. You absolutely have to teach people how to treat you

I don't put up with shit like that.

My mother was big on this,  & had no hesitation about enforcing that with my grandparents.  That turned into most visiting happening at their place, because mom didn't like having company. 

Imagine her shock when years later,  I have my own apartment,  and she tried to bulldoze her way in, because she decided that this particular day was when she was coming over to pick up some stuff my sister had stored with me. She didn't back down until I threatened to call the cops. During this, sis and I compared notes,  & figured out mom was lying to her about me demanding that her stuff needed to go, and I didn't want her moving back with me. (Convenient apartment in town vs rural, at least an hour away from everything. )

Um, no, I had other plans? Touch base in advance,  and needs to be a good time for me, or it ain't happening.  

And guess who didn't move back in with mom.

That's what hotels are for. They have the money, but they're cheap.

Wait, Toilet paper rolls flipped around? To what? Hang in front or behind? Then we'll know who the monster is. /s

I see my parents maybe twice a year. We live about an 8 hour drive apart. Generally on major holidays. I can deal with it for a few days but I don’t know if I could handle them living down the street.

They can’t ACTUALLY do anything about it if you don’t follow their rules. Some of those things are just annoying things they do. So for that I’d wage a silent war. Make them as uncomfortable as possible without being hostile or overt. What I mean is annoy them back. Use all the hot water, have loud sex, hell even walk around nude if you’re brave enough. They’ll find a hotel faster than you can say “my house my rules”.

100% set in their ways, everything has to be done their way, or it's chaos that they can't deal with.

It always was.

r/raisedbynarcissists,

Being old and set in their ways is an excuse. They have likely been set in their ways since the 70s. My 92 year old grandmother has more flexibility

I'd straight up tell them both to get a hotel or get fucked.

For some reason it was the toilet paper direction switch that sent me. I don't care which way (over back is correct 🫣) you don't change things like that in another person's home.

They demand respect but offer none

My boomer mother would do this any time she visited. She'd always rearrange my kitchen to how she liked it, demand I do chores the moment I woke up (your house is a mess) and then sit & talk loudly if anyone watched tv. She'd also tell my youngest picky eater kid that her food was awful. So I told her to stop and that it was MY house. She looked so offended.

That was her last visit because I went no contact for various other reasons.

I feel this. My father in law is living with us for the foreseeable future. More than once, he has asked if I can keep my son quiet in the morning after I take my daughter to school cause he’s not a morning person. I told him flat out, no, I will not keep my 6 year old quiet at 8:15 in the morning so you can sleep until noon.

Boomer here who was raised by Greatest Generation parents. It was, “My house, my rules” way back then.

My father, a boomer, used to always joke "the older you get the smarter your father will seem". This is the man that threw an empty butane canister (one of those green camp stove ones) into a camp fire to see what would happen (it blew up and rained burning coals on our heads). He now listens to conservative opinion shows and MAGA podcasts every waking minute of his life and makes the guy who threw the butane canister in the fire look like MENSA material.

Stop inviting them. Problem solved.

Hotel room. Either take them or take yourself.

I told my parents ‘my house, my rules’ the first time they came to visit me. I did adjust something’s for their comfort, but I watch tv until late, and don’t be loud in my house in the morning. Fortunately they were very good about it and I never had to say anything to them. I can’t imagine parents being children about being in someone else’s home. What cretans.

Edit-sp

Ugh. Fckin Boomers. Last time my mother visited I knew she was going to pull this shit so I told her she couldn’t come unless she stayed in a hotel. No damn way am I upending my life for her.

I plan on going no contact as soon as I can and won't be telling mine my new address, but they'll probably find out anyways. But part of me does look forward to saying how we don't gargle the orange one's balls in my house and "my house, my rules" when they bitch about it though.

Your describing my mom who has been living with me since august and she has to leave the oven open everytime she makes something

Ban them from your house. Tell them "My house, my rules."

And always, always, alwaaays.....

Must have the evening tv news.

Not negotiable.

It's kinda funny to watch them squirm if I "lose" the remote or find another reason not to turn it on.

The Worst Generation gonna worst generation…

Yeah. I live here they don't. They can follow my rules or they can go get a hotel

Ok, I get being upset about all of them except the last one. If you have guests staying over, then the dog has to move out of the guest room. I'm not sure of too many guests that would love having to sleep with someone else's dog.

I totally agree with OP, but wanted to offer another perspective. As I am getting older I realized that my comfort zone shrinks with age. When I was young i could go to bed whenever and nothing would disturb my sleep. I could eat anything anytime and I was feeling great. Heat or cold did not bother me much. Oh, but how all of that slowly changed as I got older. So I understand boomers, being one myself, but I do not excuse selfishness and rude behavior. If something is causing discomfort while I am a guest, I'd either ask politely or suffer quietly.

My Narc mom stayed with us as we bought her house after my dad died. I had the pleasure of telling when she grows up, and has her own house, you can have it your way.

70% of all the problems on reddit can be fixed by the OP "growing a pair".

They can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which gets filled first. Just because they vocalize it doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen. If they start throwing a fit or can’t adjust, send them home or to a hotel.

Remind them that it’s your house, your rules. They can abide or hit the road.

Well you could lay down the law like they did to you. Or let them walk all over you like they are spoiled children.

Seriously. The list is ridiculous. Except ... are they changing the TP from or to the "mullet?"

I would be doubling down SO HARD on MY rules for MY house. They don't like it, they can feck off to a hotel.

So how much of your mortgage are they going to pay this month? Cause most of that would not fly in my house-especially the dog. He lives there. The little things like tp or doors, annoying but I can cope. But the dog and the heat are no go's.

My father yelled at my grandmother when family visited for a Thanksgiving. I told him yelling was not allowed in my home, if you feel like yelling then leave. So he left, but returned with an attitude adjustment. I must confess that I role played this repeatedly in therapy before the holiday.

and you put up with this shit ?

My hubby & I are on opposite sides of this spectrum when we are visiting my adult children.

I adapt to the household bed times & wake schedule, eat what is offered and go along with the plan for the day. I think it's fun to eat something new and go to things the kids enjoy.

Hubby wants to keep to his early to bed, early to rise schedule, wants to eat at specific times, doesn't like new foods and doesn't want to watch the kids do things if he can't take part.

It's not just at my kids' homes, he is the same way wherever we travel. He actually moves the furniture in other people's guest rooms! I'm like, seriously dude, you can't leave the nightstand there for the 2 nights we're going to be here?

My dad would become physically violent to prove the "his house his rules thing", so I moved out at 17. I had saved enough for an apartment and my car. I continued school, went to college, and got a govt job at 20. In my early 20s I was able to buy a house that was, unfortunately, near my parents. They immediately tried to tell me what to do with my own house. I remember the day I told them "My house, my rules. Don't like it, there's the door." My dad never came over again. My mom did until I kicked her out for constantly complaining about my decorating and trying to tell me what I should do instead.

Most of these are bad but like..I don’t want the dog in there with me either. I know it’s like “his room” but it’s also a guest room and you have human guests. The dog will survive elsewhere for a few days.

Time. For. Hotel. Rooms.

There comes a point in adults child/parent relationships where hotel rooms during visits are 100% the way to go. It’s just not tenable otherwise

Benjamin Franklin was a man of profound wisdom, but never more so than when he declared that "guests, like fish, begin to stink after three days."

I'm going to buck the usual Reddit trend and recommend that you enjoy having the old farts around even if they're annoying. They won't be around much longer. Every single one of the old people in my life are dead and I miss them every day. Ok, maybe except for those "my house my rules" days, and even those don't seem as bad today.

Adult. 

Learn. To. Say. NO.

I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, it’s not because they’re old, it’s because they’re assholes. My boomer age parents would never do anything like that, don’t get me wrong, they’re not always a walk in the park, but they always respect me in my own house. It’s a choice they make, nothing to do with age.

Fuck that shit! Stand up to your bullies! My mom was my biggest bully ENTIRE life until about 5 years ago when I cut her off completely. It can be hard, but your parents are abusive with absolutely NO remorse. Tell them next time they want to stay they have e to abide by your rules. If they give you shit just tell them, when you’re able to follow the rules of MY house, then you can stay. It will be hard at first but it will be worth it.

Once I finally have a proper place of my own I am going to take great pleasure never allowing my dad to ever visit.

And this is why my MIL is not allowed in my house.

IF she decided to bestir herself and come out here to visit (not bloody likely, she thinks she’s a queen, and WE are to come to HER)? She can pay for a hotel, and stay there. And I will not go to a restaurant with her. She fucked that up a long time ago by acting like an asshole when we took her out.

So, personally, I’d just as soon she not. And she doesn’t want to have to be nice to me in my home.

Book them a hotel for their next visit 🥳

They can have whatever rules they like in their hotel room, no more hosting them.

If I were staying at my children's house. Im sure I wouldn't like some of their rules, but I'd definitely follow the rules, or I would find other accommodations, as it's their house and not mine.

I would print a 1,000 copies of My house My rules, post everywhere, and start issuing instructions.

Before I went no contact with my Father he tried to pull some shit on me, I forgot what it was exactly.

I do remember my response though. "my house, my rules - feel free to leave at any time" delivered to him staring him dead ass in the face.

Just one question: When they flip the toilet paper rolls around, are they going from mullet to beard or beard to mullet? Because if they're going from mullet to beard, they are in fact correct.

It's called moving far, far away and not having to deal with their shit.

In boomer logic this saying is reserved for children living in the parents home. Your boomers don't feel it applies to them. I've seen this scenario play out with friends and my own in-laws. Some are worse than others but it's just the sense of entitlement that they have bleeding over. The don't comprehend how rude it is of them to behave this way in their child's home. They have always and still view you as subordinate to them.

Oh, I had one girlfriend years ago whose Boomer dad was definitely the "My house, my rules" kind of asshole. The most annoying thing was that he insisted hats in the house were rude. If I came over wearing a hat, he'd make me take it off. Dude, I'm only wearing a hat because my hair is a mess today. I don't want to look like shit with greasy hat hair. Whatever, it wasn't worth the fight.

Eventually, I moved in with his daughter. The very first time he came over, I met him at the door with a hat in my hand. "Sorry, but the rule is that you must wear a hat in this house. My house, my rules."

He didn't find it funny at all. I pushed it for a minute, but eventually backed down and told him I'd remember it next time I was at his house. Even his wife thought it was funny (she was much nicer than him.) Didn't end dating that girl much longer for other reasons, but I can't imagine what a PITA he would have been as a father in law.

I’m with you on everything but the dogs. Why on earth would you expect guests in your home to want to sleep with your dogs?

My in-laws can not stack the dishwasher the way I like it or put knives back in their appropriate slot.

Seems like a very small thing, but fuck me it pisses me off.

Absolutely incapable of adaption.

I got to use this line with my mom when she came to visit last summer! She kept turning my ac off and letting my apt heat up horribly! Got to tell her that my house, my rules line and the I pay the bills line! Made my day! And yes she did quit fucking with the ac but I think that was mostly due to me yelling at her more then telling her the my house bit.

Sounds like someone needs to get themselves a hotel room.

You're the one allowing and enabling this behavior

Grow a backbone

The dog problem. Hosts' pets usually sleep with me when I visit. But the parents might trip over the dog when going to the bathroom at night so I kind of see why they might say no. A restless dog will keep everyone awake all night, though. A dilemma

that's why you never see them again and cut all forms of communication.

Choose peace.

If you can’t be quiet when your guests go to bed early or can’t deal with them not wanting the dog in the room when they’re sleeping then you’re a bad host. I get it though. My parents were older boomers and my wife’s parents were younger boomers and the only one of the 4 that ever respected the way things work in my house was my dad because he was just a chill guy anyway. My mom got upset numerous times about not being allowed to smoke in the house and her parents gave us a lot of grief about our dogs. We constantly had to wait for the 3 of them and they didn’t get along well either because you can only fit so many egos in the same room.