I’m adopted, so I never really knew what to do with my hair. I’ve tried twisting, but I don’t think that’s my style. I’m also lost on how to style my hair in rows. I have braid appointments today at 3 p.m., and I’m looking for some ideas. I was thinking of trying twists again or finger coils. The first picture is my hair right now, picked out. Any suggestions would be great!
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I don't think you got a single bad hair pick here. I definitely empathize with wanting to experiment though.
OP, I think you’re doing well considering your situation.
Serious question: Is your braiding appointment with a Black stylist? I never know what to expect these days.
Yes it’s a women
She will be invaluable! Ask her all your questions including why texture you have, what products to use, etc
And how to maintain whatever you get, you probably need a bonnet lol
Please get you some black friends
Underrated but very important comment. Not only will you learn more about what to do with your hair but being around people who look like you and share some of your experiences can help you with the feelings of insecurity.
And a good barber!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Sometimes you don't get to choose what ethnicity your friends are, and you just have to go with whatever is available depending on what you like and what environment you are
You can definitely make an effort to meet people of any ethnicity you choose. Very few people who have homogenous friend groups are that way because it’s not possible to meet other kinds of people.
This is very dependent on both your physical location and social environment. I am a black man in a country with a ~72% white population, this demographic makeup matched with my experience until the end of High School. The moment I got into higher education these numbers plummeted. I have met hundreds (thousand?) of people and am able to count the ones that looked like me on a single hand. I could have met more international students, but the majority leave the country after finishing their studies.
Yeah, in Highschool all of my friends were different ethnicities and from different countries, because those were the people that I had around, but in college I would have really had to go out of my way to have a diverse friend group because the population was like 90% white, so I just focused on making friends with people that just had to the same interests as me. Also, it's not bad to join a group of people that's not very diverse, because that way to can be the diversity that is lacking.
I just don't feel like it's worth it to go out of my way to do that. I don't need to be around people of the same ethnicity to feel included, and most times I just feel out of place anyway
This, I’m black but grew up in white neighborhoods. I fit in superficially in both but both totally in either. 🤷🏽♀️
why do you feel out of place?
Because if I go out of my way to meet people based on their demographic, then I realize we don't have a lot in common. There are so many aspects of my identity that are unique that trying to find people just like me is a waste of time. I connect with people better if I try to match common interests and ideals, rather than demographics
But isn’t it extra fun to find black people with those interests 🤗 I really relate to this bc I went to all white schools until high school and finding black nerdy girls like me was just the best
Mmm, not really. I wouldn't call it "extra fun". I just don't feel like someone's ethnicity adds anything to how much I enjoy being around them.
What I do like is when a group people is diverse, because it's nice to see groups of people from different backgrounds come together
Or,
Move to Atlanta
[deleted]
we ain’t a monolith. You’ll definitely find people who enjoy the same thing as you.
Amen
white people look at you different too and you know it deep down. get some non white friends it’ll be so good for your life and soul. said with love, and from experience. ps - i hope you like your brides and keep experimenting!
I’m sure white people look at you differently too.
I grew up with a white step mom and white washed dad, best thing to ever happen to me were my black friends in High School and the military. Knowing and loving them helped me know and love myself.
Find you some black friends.
My whole family and hometown are white like 99.9% white. I grew up as the only Black kid in a small town of 12k+, played sports, disciplined, and now I’m a senior in college When I meet other Black people, I sometimes feel judged for not fitting certain cultural expectations. I want to connect more, but I’m also my own person I don’t want to change how I act just to be accepted. Just trying to figure out where I fit.
As someone who also is biracial and grew up around white people, I learned when your around people like you to not change who you are. The black folks that judge you are just assholes, there will be far more black people who accept you for who you are and will appreciate you being yourself rather than conforming fit it. Don’t let others opinions be the thing that defines you, you’re not white washed. You just grew up different and that’s ok, but it is important to also explore your black culture. There are things about our hair, that no other people can teach us than other black people.
keep it real. you don’t have to reduce your self or your background, it’s just a part of you. Own your upbringing and the shit that you like, it don’t make you not real or not ts just ignorant. Once you get past that it is what it is.
Sure your background may be different and there might be jokes made but your differences will lead to so many more experiences for you. You might miss out since there’s only so much more college left for you brut moving on in life variety is the spice of it fr.
I don’t have specific advice but i want you to know that this is such a common experience. You’re not alone or different in that regard, and i hope you’re able to get past that hurdle some day!!
Shoot, I’m black, Both parents are Caribbean and I’m the first gen American born, I basically grew up in the “nice hood” lol. Three family houses and dudes hanging out at the corner store across the street. I LOVE METAL, SCREMO, vans, I put my kid in a school with seriously 75% asians instead of the schools in the “neighborhood,” instead of clubs I went to concerts AND GUESS WHAT….. I WAS CALLED WHITE WASHED!!!!! DON’T LET IT BOTHER YOU. People will always talk about you when you’re different. Continue being you. ❣️💚
It probably has to do with the way you’re framing yourself. There are a lot of of successful, black suburban kids out there too. You probably have a lot more in common with them than you realize but you probably turn them off by the way that you describe yourself. I don’t think it’s purposeful but you innately degrade Black people by the way that you talk about yourself/your identity. -Signed someone who had this issue long ago
Thank you for writing this, I didn’t know how to articulate this point without being hurtful. 1000% this!!
It’s hard because the person is being offensive, but you can tell they don’t really mean it. The approach is hard 😅😂
I’m glad he’s open to the discussion now! Because I tried having a conversation about this with a 32-year-old earlier this year, and it was just sad
I hear you thank you for the feedback. I’m definitely not trying to separate myself or imply that being “suburban” or being involved on campus makes me better than anyone. I was only trying to explain where some of the insecurity comes from when I get called “white washed.” I know there are a lot of Black people who grew up like me, and I’m still working on how to talk about my identity without sounding like I’m putting anyone else down. I’m just trying to feel comfortable in who I am and stay connected to my community. I appreciate the perspective, and I’ll think about how I frame it going forward.
No problem! Navigating cultural differences is hard, but remember that there’s a difference between class and race, and to be aware of the -isms that go along with them. I’d go into an interaction thinking about what you have in common with this person, rather than what’s different.
I also want to affirm to you that some people may give you a hard time for being different. But from my experience, no one can deny your blackness except for yourself. You might get White boy/White washed jokes here and there, but let them roll off your back. Black people make jokes about anything 😂 it can be rough, but you have to take it on the chin. It’s usually not that deep.
Guys I think we can help him without diminishing his experience.
OP some folk are ignorant and in some cases they just fucking with you, take your time and try to find some black friends so you can reconnect with the culture
My parents are successful, find black people with successful parents
Right lol I have two very successful African American parents and I have friends who mother is still on drugs. They do not treat me any different. They love coming around bc my parents are humble and embraced them. Getting around black friends with successful parents will be a huge help for you OP
Op looks way too grown to make comments like this. He needs to grow up and venture out, he’s acting like a victim
What comments are you referring to? I’m just expressing how I feel and my own lived experience. Yes, I mentioned I’m adopted that’s true and part of my story but I came here simply looking for hair advice. Instead, it turned into people judging how I speak and who I am. I’m not trying to offend anyone or put anyone down. I just wanted help with my curls, not a lecture on my identity.
Talking about emotions honestly = acting like a victim now???
Respectfully, it seems like you're the one that needs to grow up.
I’m not trying to act like a victim I’m just explaining where I’m coming from. Being open about my emotions doesn’t mean I think the world is against me. I came here asking for hair advice and shared some background so people would understand why I’m asking. That’s all.
Sorry, love, I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to the douchebag that said you were "too grown" to act like this... I'm always going to be for men, and especially BLACK MEN, showing their open and honest emotions, 100000%!
I truly appreciate you! I never imagined this post would gain such traction. This was my very first post on Reddit, and I received a diverse range of comments that I genuinely value and appreciate.
It’s not hard to be accepted by your people. I’m mixed, my ACTUAL mother is white and she’s never had a problem with the African American community because she embraced them (she grew up with siblings mixed with black and lived in a black neighborhood) and they embraced her. No, she is not ghetto nor is my dad. Two parent household. I feel like people like you run away from who you really are and turn away from the culture by way of your adoptive parents keeping you away from it. And if your own people are looking at you “different” it’s maybe because you think you’re better than them. That’s the only way we look at our own kind differently.
SN: please don’t ever tell someone you’re white washed. That’s not a good look my boy.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I serve on the leadership team and in clubs on my campus, and I’m an RA at a mostly white institution. I don’t like the term “white washed,” but sometimes other Black people make fun of the way I talk because they say it sounds “too white.” I’ve even tried dating Black girls because I want to stay connected to my culture, but I’ve been told many times that I’m “too white washed.” I’ve been labeled like that my whole life, and maybe that’s why I stopped trying. I was really just looking for some hair advice. Godspeed to you all, and I hope you have a happy New Year.
Relate hardcore to this experience my man, being mixed and growing up in a predominantly white area. My uni had a black student union, and when I spoke to the leader and was invited I said flat out to her 'I never really feel like I belong' and she was *so* welcoming and was huge for some of my insecurities but also helping me connect to people that wouldn't be judgmental about it! If you have a black student union I would def suggest connecting there.
Agree w/ the other posters saying you should just mention to your braider you don't really know what to do w/ your hair and would appreciate any advice she has. My braider has taught me so much and I don't even come w/ designs anymore I just make an appt and let her do her thing.
I appreciate this post so much!!! Just made my day better!!
Don’t give up on dating black women. You’ll find your person one day. Don’t be scared lol. In regards to the actual hair advice, I think you should try some braids with a design to them with a burst fade or normal fade. I’ll dm you some pictures.
You gotta respond to my message first. It won’t let me send them right away but I found some styles that would look good on you.
I disagree that black people only look at others differently if they think the other looks at them like their better. Honestly there are a lot of black people that also treat blackness as a monolith and anything outside of their viewpoint they judge. It’s sad because they co-signed to what society has labeled us as. There is overlap sometimes though where they think simply because another black person is acting outside their monolith that it automatically means they think they are better. Honestly it’s worse when it’s across the diaspora because we aren’t taught the differences across the diaspora.
I agree it's not good.
Assuming that about every black person you meet will set you up for failure.
y’all are sad. OP needs non-white friends and is actively reaching out to Black community and is getting downvoted. do better wth I’m pissed don’t tell someone to reach out to Blacks and then downvote them when they do
I just wanna say that's a lot right there alone you need to unpack, do introspection, and be honest with your feelings. You know you're white washed, so what you gonna do about it? Because I'm sure it's not helping you as much these days the older you get and the more racist society feels embolden to be.
If you come from successful parents, that means they can at least (if they're caring like that) have successful therapy money
Black people can be so rude and mean though
I also agree. My bullies were black and it caused a lot of pain and trauma for years that I had to overcome.
Your hair is beautiful just the way it is!
The plaits (single strand braids) in the last slide on the right didn’t look bad! Two strand twists may be decent, you could try cornrows but I can see your hair is a bit shorter in the back (probably due to a previous haircut or sleeping on your back/sides) so it might be a little tougher to grip the nape area. I’d also look up black hair styles on Pinterest if you have one.
I think you should continue to explore yourself, find your style. It’ll change anyway. You can try corn rows (maybe with a design) if you like but every style you’ve tried so far looked good so just have fun and enjoy your hair.
I'm reading the comments,
Since it an black woman doing your hair you can definitely ask her what would looks good and go back and fourth from there.
The issue I am having is black/mixed people who grew up with white people and aways say that every black people called them white wash but I also ask what in context they called you white wished? Like were you saying some uncomfortable things that obviously black people will not agree with? Etc.
Also the "They tell me I sound white" well okay that does exclude friendship I had people tell me I sound like all types of things and I still make an friend outta it because it fade so that sounds more like an insecurity issue because I feel like if an white person said it to you would would be a lot more comfortable taking it in vs a black person since its feels more of an attack and unfamiliar to you.
Also date black women because you like black woman not use them to understand your own culture that is your job to research and understand because relationships will fail like that.
Every little comment by an black person shouldn't be rule out as an attack on you just like when you communicate to white people and still befriend them.
Make black friends, its easier said than done but it will highly benefit you and before you say the classic line of "Well its no black people that have things in common with me" naw it is as we are normal people and we all have different even similar interests like any other race.
I don't fix the "Stereotypical black" I like anime, video games, dress as an furry etc and I made all type of black friends some really proper to really hood black people.
Tbh, all the black people I've ever known are crazy about anime, and it was a WAY bigger part of the overall culture than it was with my white friends growing up 💀💀💀
Like, sure, lots of white people were into anime, but it was looked down upon as a kind of nerdy sort of interest. But I've never seen or even heard of any black boy that didn't cite Dragonball as an instrumental piece of him growing up, lmao
It looks like you have a tapered cut. I think that works for you. Wearing it in a twist/braid out would give you definition.
i have the same problem!! my family is white and they’ve never had a clue what to do with my hair and i’ve largely had to figure it out on my own. it’s not perfect yet but as long as we aren’t bald we can continue to learn!
Bro you are way too young to have the connectors on your facial hair. Trust me. Get your barber to cut it. Keep the mustache/goatee combo if you like it, just do it without those connectors. You have a very young looking face and that makes you look like a 60 year old trucker. Way too much contrast. Do yourself the favor
Yea the trucker look 😭
Love #4
Problem with 4: I can’t always get to sit. I’m insecure, and that irritates me. I know I have great curls, but I just don’t know how to take care of my hair. I’m just trying to embrace my African American heritage. Trust me, white people love my hair, always saying it looks good when I try to do it, but I wear a bonnet a lot because my hair is my biggest insecurity.
If you had to describe it, what would be a hairstyle you would have interest in? Have you found any thing online for inspiration?
I just replied in my own comment to you I'll send you what products my house uses and we range from 3b/c-4b/c
Your hair is fire bro! Try a few different braid styles.
Wear a durag at night
I heavily agree with the taper or fade comments. You have great hair brother and can honestly style it anyway ya want. Also, Ya didnt ask but I genuinely think the connected goatee isnt the move. Would look great separated
your hair is fine brother. but it looks like you’re stuck in a blizzard. stay warm.
Honestly I think braids and a taper would be fire on you. Like side taper and slight front taper. Also are your ears pierced? You would look really good with ear rings.
I see Lawrence would that perhaps be Ks?!
I thought MA for a sec. Like hold on, me and my people can help you 💀
OP, I just wanna say that your hair is GORGEOUS and anyone would be lucky to have it! It's not the same as white hair, but that's okay! You can do tons of fun and unique things with it!
Have you ever considered keeping a big, puffy afro? That's a favorite of mine, but be warned, it takes a LOT of upkeep! Cornrows are a good, easy style to upkeep, and you can get them done in really unique ways, like the kinds that zig zag down your scalp. I'd show you pics, but they're disabled on this sub, so maybe just google cool cornrow styles, and show them to your braider when you show up! That's what I typically do, lol
Also, I feel you about growing up around white people, and not feeling like you "belong" amongst other black people. Granted, you have it way harder than me -- my family, at least, were black, and I had a lot of cousins and stuff, so it wasn't ALL new to me. But I still felt like I wasn't "cool" enough to hang out with the scant amount of black kids that were at my school, lmao. It wasn't even a race thing -- I just genuinely thought I was too nerdy, so I didn't even try.
But then, I went to Job Corps, and it was genuinely one of the best decisions of my life. What I found was this: being "too white" is not the root of your problems. Being too INSECURE is.
I think you just need to focus on being your genuine self, and not trying to front like you're something you're not, while also not feeling BAD that you're different. I'll tell you right now, I never stopped "talking white", I never stopped being a giant nerd, never started smoking to fit in or trying to fight people -- hell I never even pretended to be straight, or nothing like that. But people liked and accepted me, because I was genuine about it, and didn't make it seem like I thought I was better than them.
A lot of the people there were straight from the hood, too. My roommate even came fresh from the halls of Juvie before joining. But I would just seek people out that shared my interests, and there is a GIANT black nerd population that was just as passionate about anime and shit as I was. I felt right at home!
I hope you find your place soon, OP. Just know, and never forget that your people are out there, if you're willing to look! I would still say that MOST of my friends are white, but I have one black friend who is really all about helping me with my hair since I never properly learned how to care for it, and he is SUCH a benefit to my life! (Love you, Ruadri!!!)
Sorry to ramble. I just wanted to let you know I really empathize with the place you're in rn with accepting your heritage and place in this world, and I just wanted to let you know that it'll all work out in the end! 💜 Just don't give up, and don't stop being unapologetically yourself!!!
You look like you’re doing just fine!
Find a stylist that specializes in natural… best wishes!!
Hi there, I would connect with a Natural Hair Care Specialist to assist you with your journey, to help you understand your hair, styles, and how to maintain it. Please reach out to me if you need further assistance on your journey!
Very handsome ✨ I hope you find a variety of styles that make you feel comfortable. Wishing you well on your journey!
There’s some great advice already laid out here. I think a diverse group of friends would be great, and will be rewarding beyond hair (especially if they share the same hair experience). If you’re just asking for hair advice, youtube is a great resource to trial all types of styles that you may like. But if you’re looking for more than hair, diversify your people will certainly do the trick.
Four looks great, get it trimmed on the sides a bit more. Add some use a brush and some leave in conditioner. Followed by either air drying or get a blow dryer with a diffuser on the end, should do the job nicely. You have beautiful curls. There’s tons of YouTube videos on how to style your hair texture.
Hair oil maybe? Your hair is fine
YouTube videos on your hair type. Always use a mist before styling
What product do you use?
Looks like you may need a better moisturizing system for your hair.
Haircut
You just need to use the right product- try SheaMoisture the peach orange bottles get the shampoo, conditioner, curl smoothie just don't get the gel... only wash your hair with shampoo once a week NO MORE than that you can conditioner wash ONLY daily if you want and rehydrate daily with water and curl smoothie... braids you should try box braids first
This will help with pic number 4
Being adopted is no reason to not know about your hair. Your adopted parents are.
You’re how old? And you never thought to research online???