Content Warning: Murder, emotional trauma, description of violence

Summary: When a very unremarkable man is found brutally murdered in his one-bedroomed flat, his family and authorities are at a loss to figure out why or how it has happened. Partially narrated by Death and told from the perspective of the characters, this book opens at the funeral of the deceased and moves between the worlds of the murderer and the murdered, explaining slowly how and why this event took place. Marc, an accountant, has been murdered. John, a student of English has done the murdering. Chris, a young accountant who worked at Marc's firm has been dispatched to the funeral. The story unravels from here, with Chris discovering parts of the story as it moves along.

What I'm Looking For:

  1. Overall critique of the introduction and first chapter
  2. The impact of having Death as a narrator (good or bad?)
  3. Do the characters feel like they could exist, and are they compelling (even in the fantastical sense)?

Google docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZY6u4Ei_Rzfknysdxhy4f9ll34rOu7XjBD_iPveH7NY/edit?usp=sharing

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    parent

  • Overall, I think you've got a good start here. There's enough intrigue for me to want to keep reading, especially with the small mention of a murder. Coupling that with repeatedly mentioning how unremarkable Marc was leads me to wonder what the circumstances of the murder was. It at least implies that perhaps Marc wasn't as boring as the narrator, and Chris, seem to believe. So you've got some good mystery elements there.

    I think Death as a narrator is a good choice, especially those more philosophical moments, where it feels as though you're reading the perspective of an old god. Definitely keep that.

    And overall, based on the characterization so far, they feel realistic enough to me. The only thing I can think of is that I'd like a little more information on Chris too, more of his thoughts and feelings. I assume that's what you're planning to do anyway.

    Overall, an enjoyable read. I definitely think you ought to keep going with it.

    parent

    Hey! Would you be willing to read my short story? It's 2,650 words! Happy to swap work! Thank you

    parent root

    Thanks, great feedback. I think I need to involve death a little bit more. If you'd like me to read something in return let me know.

    parent root

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    parent