Hello r/BetaReaders !

My name is Mackenzie James. I'm a (so far) unpublished author and mystery enthusiast. I love Agatha Christie style twisty, cozy, character driven 'whodunits', and I'm trying my hand at writing them myself! This is the first in what I hope could be a series following amateur detective Maggie Baker.

Maggie Baker has seen a lot in life. She's been married, raised children, and laid down roots in a small East Texas town she calls home. How does she now find herself divorced in her sixties and living alone? Accompanying her friends to a wedding is not exactly what she would prefer to be doing, and yet, here she is. She has no idea that this extravagant destination wedding in a scenic coastal lodge and spa, will turn into a deadly disaster! Will this proper southern church lady discover new ways to put her curious nature to use? Is she about to discover the next chapter in her life? Will she even survive long enough to do so? Follow Maggie's adventure in "Something Old, Something New, Something Deadly, Someone's Blue"!

What I'm hoping for:

- General feedback! (Did you like it? Was it easily readable? Was there a good mix of likeable and unlikeable characters? Was the ending too easy to figure out?)

- Do you feel like Maggie had understandable growth during the story?

- Was the pacing good? Was there enough going on pre-murder to peak and keep interest?

- How does the accent play? (I'm a prolific comicbook reader and accents are usually portrayed phonetically which is what I've done as well to make sure her accent comes across to the reader.)

- Is it offensive in any way? I DO NOT wish to offend ANYONE, of any background. I don't believe there's anything of the sort herein but I'm one person of a particular background and not versed in everything and everyone so I know I can and will mess up at times. (I ask this because: My main character is older but very forward thinking and accepting. Still I try to keep her realistically behind the times in some ways. Other characters are intentionally off-putting or misunderstood. I want to be realistic without inadvertantly writing something that may cause offense.)

Some notes/warnings for prospective betas:

- Some adult language. (Infrequent uses of D*** and Sh**)

- Brief non-graphic descriptions of crime scenes and bodies

- The views of the characters in this work do not necessarily reflect the views of the author. (Some do, some don't. You'll propbably get the sense of me but I try not to directly state my views and stances, preferring to let my work speak.)

I've posted the first couple of pages below. Please reach out if you're interested! Let me know you're preferred format and I'll be happy to direct message the manuscript to you. I have no strong set timeline but I would like any feedback sooner than later so I can get started on revisions.

Thank you SO MUCH for your interest and willingness to look over this post.

Mack :)

The first couple of pages:

Getting divorced will really ruin weddings for you. At least, that was Maggie’s theory as to why she was suddenly so frustrated. Not only was she having to travel halfway across the country for two people she barely knew, but she suspected she’d be subjected to memories of Jeff all weekend. She really wasn’t in the mood. “Damn it! Aw hell!” she mumbled to herself as she dug veraciously through her bags in the DFW Airport terminal. “Must’a left it at the house.” she murmured in her signature East Texas drawl.

 

Magnolia Baker, or Maggie as she’d insisted on being called, practically since birth, was always losing things. She chalked it up to menopause, but here she was, years later, still scattering bits and bobs across airport bench seats. Without her iPad, she’d have to find a mirror in a powder compact or use her phone to check herself, which would be just fine if she wasn’t going blind. Of course, she was all primped and ready to go when she was picked up earlier that day, but airport security is always hectic, and something always ends up going astray. She pulled out her phone and got the camera facing forward, which may have taken longer than she cared to admit.

 

First the hair. It was shorter with a little wave, dark brown with auburn highlights, and not a grey in sight. It looked just like it always had, at least as far as anyone remembered anymore since she’s had it done that way for over twenty years. There wasn’t a single thing wrong with it. Still, she took out her travel brush and ran it through the sides to make it just so. 

 

The camera also reminded her that she left her red cheetah print readers on her head. She put them on to check her face. ‘Good on blush and powder.’ she thought. ‘Lips?… Ugh.’ She never liked how wide her mouth was; her mother used to tell her that’s why she talked so much. She told herself dark red lipstick helped. Still, it never looked just right, so she touched it up a little and popped her lips a couple of times for coverage. Her brown eyes were always squished into a squint by her round rosy cheeks that never rested with the little smile she always seemed to have.

 

“Enough of that. Now, where is he with the coffees?” she muttered again to herself. She looked around but didn’t spot him. She sat back in her chair in the cold muggy airport terminal, watching planes come and go on a dreary rainy day, waiting for her plane that she wished wouldn’t arrive. She was dreading this trip for months. Weddings weren’t the easiest for her since her husband Jeff left her. She never expected to be divorced at all, much less in her sixties, and thinking about it made her feel like she wasn’t much fun, and the last thing she wanted was to rain on two naïve and innocent kids’ parade. Seeing the two happy young people, and the dresses, and the tuxedos, and the flowers just made her feel like a stick in the mud. She was especially dreading this wedding, in particular, though.

 

The bride wasn’t the problem. She’d only met her once in passing and didn’t remember anything about her, but Maggie knew the groom, Nate Lachey, pretty well. He was a sweet, gentle, and quiet young man who was close to her ‘shirt-tail’ nephew Zack.

 

Nate wasn’t the problem either though, it was his parents, Tom and Lillian Lachey. Tom was the ‘Bathroom King of Crystal Ridge Texas’, at least according to his many TV and radio commercials. Lillian had a very exclusive and expensive holistic medicine and chiropractic clinic. Maggie knew them from church; on the rare occasion they’d actually show up. Tom was tall and broad shouldered with giant baseball mitt hands, and a big pumpkin head. He was nice enough, until you poked the wrong button. He had a temper and when he’d pop off, you’d better plug your ears and run for high ground. Lillian could only be described as a witch with a capital ‘B’. She had the sourest face in the county and a look from her would send you straight to hell in a handbasket. They weren’t older than 45, but she looked ten years older at best.

 

Lillian was one of those women who didn’t wear make-up or dye her hair and wouldn’t think twice before giving you a passive aggressive little dig about it. She loved to insinuate that she was morally superior in some way, like being more of a feminist because she wasn’t a stay-at-home mom, or that she loved her kids more because she never took them to a doctor or to get a vaccination. Maggie had gotten onto Lillian’s bad side when she tried to intervene, after her old friend Eileen Braithweight spoke up one Sunday in Church. Lillian was regaling the other young mothers with her more modern parenting decisions like using herbs and oils instead of medicine and letting the child choose if or when to take a bath. Eileen, in her well-worn condescending tone, stated disingenuously, “You really shouldn’t say that so loud, darling. I don’t put my nose in other people’s parenting, but the Sheriff and his wife are right over there, and I believe the police take kids away for neglect.”

 

Funny enough, Maggie was traveling to the wedding with Eileen herself. The thought of the two women seeing each other and going at it again was exasperating.  “Help me Jesus…” Maggie muttered under her breath yet again, only this time, catching the attention of one of her traveling companions.

 

“What was that?” Eileen asked, thinking Maggie had said something to her.

 

Maggie turned to look at her friend sitting there next to her. Eileen was well into her seventies but aged very well. Her snow-white hair was curled up onto her head the same way it had been since they met. Her brows were penciled on with marksman-like precision. Her nails were a topey pink color that Maggie called ‘nursing home pink’. However, no one could question that the manicure was perfectly done, as always, by Michelle in the little salon behind the Target. Eileen was big boned. Truly. That’s usually the nice way to say fat, but Eileen was truly big boned, tall, and a bit imposing if you got her worked up. She was of course, dressed to the nines as she was known for, being a mainstay of Crystal Ridge society.

 

“Eileen, I was askin’ the lord to help me keep you and you-know-who as far away from each other as possible all weekend.” Maggie explained.

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep my distance… I can’t say the same for my cane though.” she replied, carefully holding her mouth open and applying her signature red lipstick. They both chuckled knowingly to each other, while Eileen continued to check her makeup in the small mirror of her compact. She mimicked swinging her cane like a baseball bat and they laughed even more. They always did have fun. 

 

“You’re awful sometimes! I tell you what!” Maggie said.

 

“Oh, hush up Maggie Baker. You might give my grandson the idea that I'm not a proper lady!” Eileen joked back.

 

Zack walked up carrying coffees for the three of them. “Grandma, I haven’t thought that since… ever, actually. Especially since you had a beer at family dinner and told us all what you would do to Chris Hemsworth if you ever met him.” he said. Eileen blushed and then the two women broke into a full cackle.

 

“Well now you’ve done it!” Eileen said as she suddenly rose from her chair, “I laughed so hard I peed a little. I’ll be right back!” She walked off, cane in one hand, purse hung on her folded other elbow.

 

Maggie and Zack sat sipping their coffee and staring out the window for a moment. Then Maggie decided to end the silence. “So, what’s she like?”

 

“Who?” he asked.

 

“The bride! I haven’t met her yet. Well, not really. I know your little friend of course. He’s a sweet boy. What’s she like though? All I know is she cleans for your grandmother.” Maggie chimed.

 

“She’s great. She’s really good for Nate. He hasn’t been this happy and confident… well, ever.” Zack replied.

 

“Aw. That’s real cute. Have I seen her around?” Maggie asked.

 

“You haven’t seen her at Grandma’s?” Zack questioned back.

 

“You say that like I’m always at your grandma’s house. Tell me, when is Eileen ever home to visit?” Maggie retorted.

 

“True, true.” he admitted. “I don’t know if you’ve ever seen her around then. You run in different circles.”

 

“Not even at church?” she asked.

 

Zack scrunched up his nose. “Nah, she’s not a church type. She’s more into, like, crystals and stuff.”

 

“Ohhh. Interesting... You know, they say boys always marry their mother…” Maggie insinuated.

 

“No, no. Naomi’s sweet and kind. Not… like Lillian. You’ll really like her I think.” Zack replied.

 

“Oh good.” Maggie accepted.

 

A bit of an awkward silence sat in, so Maggie continued. “Is her family from Crystal Ridge? I used to know everyone but it’s growin’ so fast lately.” she asked.

 

“Nah, they’re from Dallas. Nate and Naomi have been up there a lot more lately.” Zack replied.

 

“Mm… and they get along okay? I’d be more than a little irritated if I was forcibly related to Tom and Lillian.” Maggie knew she shouldn’t pry or be nosey. She just couldn't help it sometimes.

 

Zack pursed his lips in a little knowing smile and looked up at the ceiling. “Yeah… I’ll just say, from what Nate tells me, they have their own issues. When you have a lot of money, you’re relationship with your kids gets… weird.”

 

“With the bride to be?” she asked.

 

“No. No. Naomi’s very chill about that stuff. She has a sister…” He shifted awkwardly in his chair. Maggie nodded. The gossip had shifted to people she didn’t know so she didn’t feel the desire to keep pressing. Silence set in again which was odd. Zack usually couldn’t stop talking.

 

Maggie wanted to know what was up. “Well, are you excited? You’ve never been in a wedding before, have you?”

 

“A little.” Zack replied, “Tell you the truth, I’m kind of dreading it.”

 

“Yeah,” she thought to herself, “I knew there was somethin’ up, and whatever it is, I can tell it’s juicy.”

 

“What?! You sound like me! And I’m an old divorcee! You’re a young handsome guy. Be excited! It’s gonna be fun. Weddings are a great place to make new friends, baby boy...” Maggie insinuated strongly in her perky drawl.

 

“I just feel like there’s going to be drama.” Zack replied.

 

One thing about Maggie Baker, is that she knows how to get things out of people. Whatever he was skirting around was clearly getting to him. However, this wasn’t her business and she knew that, so she decided to throw him an out. “Don’t you worry, I’ll watch your grandmother. I can tell she just loves that little Naomi from all the talk about her. Eileen won’t start anything with Lillian on her big weekend.”

 

“Not that drama. I’d love to see Lillian take a cane to the back of the head... It’s other stuff.” he admitted.

 

“You wanna talk about it? You know I don’t gossip… much.” Maggie said with a wink, and a smile that’ll make you feel like you just got a warm hug from your mom.

 

“You’re joking but I’ve seen y'all yapping away, getting your hair done.” Zack replied.

 

“Oh fine. I promise. Not a word to your grandmother.” she said.

 

“Fine.” he acquiesced, “But seriously. She’ll flip out.”

 

“Fine. Fine. Now spill it son.” she said, raising her eyebrows as she sipped her coffee.

 

“There’s this girl that’s going to be there this weekend who’s been flirting with me… and I’ve kind of been flirting back.” he seemed to admit.

 

“You don’t have to hide that from her! You think she’ll embarrass you?” Maggie asked.

 

“No, no… Well yes, she’d definitely embarrass me. But that’s not the thing.” Zack replied.

 

“Oh well then what?” she asked further.

 

“I found out she’s…” he trailed off.

 

“What? One of them LGBTs or somethin’?... Not that I have a problem with all that, I just don’t know how to talk about it correctly.” Maggie admitted.

 

“No…” he said, exhausted by her old generation sensibilities, “it’s nothing like that Aunt Maggie.”

 

“Well, what then?” she pushed.

 

“…She’s married. To a man.” he admitted, throwing in a little joke to cut his own guilt.

 

“She’s married!?” Maggie exclaimed in shock.

 

“Wha-t?!” Eileen squawked in concerned confusion as she returned to the seats.