Help! My Husband’s Ex-Wife Moved in With Us.
Originally posted to Dear Prudence
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity
Original Post June 11, 2019
When I met my husband 10 years ago, he had been divorced for two years. “Lindy” turned into a party girl after their divorce. Never around for the kids and very flaky. We have custody of their two children. Lindy was out of the picture for years, but she reemerged and texted my husband. She says she’s changed her focus in life and is getting herself together. She told my husband that she’s moving to Australia to start a new job and new healthy life. A few weeks later, I come home from work and find Lindy in my house having a glass of wine. My husband took me aside and told me that Lindy will be staying in our guest room for three weeks. He said her lease was up and this arrangement is temporary, and it will help her to save money until she leaves for Australia. I was upset that he didn’t consult me on it, but I let it go.
It’s now three months later and Lindy’s “job” keeps getting pushed back. I don’t think it ever existed. The worst part is I feel totally pushed out of my own family. My husband works from home so he is hanging around all day with his ex. I come home from work to find my husband sitting down with Lindy (and sometimes the kids), having dinner that she made, laughing at their old jokes, and having a wonderful time. Lindy also does my husband’s laundry, then says, “You are so busy. I don’t mind.” But I do! My stepdaughter has always had a picture of her mom in her bedroom, which is fine with me, but now it’s in our living room! And the last straw—I came home and found my husband in bed reading, as Lindy was organizing our closet! “It’s such a mess. Let me help.” My skin crawls at the thought of her looking through all my things.
I’ve spoken to my husband and he says it’s cute that I’m being jealous. He also said that he’s not going to put the mother of his children out on the street, nor pay for a motel. I want her out of my life and my husband and stepkids back, and my husband is doing nothing about it. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on, and I’m thinking that’s what she wants—to slip into my life as I slam the door behind me. Help, please.
Re: My husband's ex won't leave Sept 16, 2019
I was the letter writer whose husband let his ex-wife, “Lindy,” move into our home without telling me. Soon after I wrote to you, things in the house became even more tense. Lindy had a junkman haul my furniture away while I was at work. When I came home, there were new living room and dining room sets! The very last straw came when Lindy and my husband made family plans without me: a weekend away with the kids to visit “family.” (I guess I’m not family!) I finally stopped being a doormat. With all my financial ducks in a row, and with the help of friends, I moved out and started my new life. I am in the process of divorcing him. But here’s the best part: They are no longer together! On one of our divorce-discussing phone calls, my ex told me that Lindy left him for an “old friend” who came to town and with whom she shares a "deep spiritual connection.” He says they plan on opening a "bead store.” Now my ex is begging me to come back, saying he made a terrible mistake. No, thanks. I’ll keep my dignity, and he can keep the furniture. Thanks to you and your readers for the wake-up call.
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Uff. Why do people treat their spouses with so little consideration and respect?
Because they don't think they will leave. That the other spouse is just going to put up the bad behavior.
I think he actually wanted her to leave, so he could be with his perfect little housewife again - too bad she just wanted him while he was taken...
That was it, she wanted to make sure he was not in a relationship. He deserves to be decimated in court.
The original posts could not look more like a plan if it had diagrams and footnotes. "Look, I only need to stay with my ex-husband long enough to make sure he's miserable and then we can open that bead store."
Bet things will get really interesting if she decides to renegotiate custody.
I love the word “decimated.”
fun fact, it’s literal definition is to eliminate 1/10th of something. i think it comes from an old roman punishment which would take out 1/10th of a legion that had mutinied.
Dang it, I was going to make a joke about hoping she gets half, not a tenth, but you got there first
If the legion failed at something major, lost a battle or something, the soldiers would draw stones from a bag. 9 white stones, 1 black. Whoever drew the black stones was executed.
Decimation was used to punish the soldiers but keeping enough alive to remain an effective fighting force.
The modern interpretation has flipped the meaning to the exact opposite, usually signifying complete destruction when the original meaning was closer to cutting off a pinky finger.
I've always loved studying how language evolves and changes over time, like why "Gay" changed meaning and such. But I cannot abide of language that evolves to mean the exact opposite of the original definition. Other words taking on new meaning for unrelated concepts is one thing, but flipping to mean the exact opposite upsets me. Like how Peruse is used causally to say "shopping of briefly browsing" when originally it means "to read intently or thoughtfully with great care."
Not always a response to mutinies, but Roman legions used decimation to make their soldiers more afraid of their leaders then the enemy. It was horrific
Relationship version of "quiet quitting"
Or she just wanted him while he had access to two incomes without her having to work.
She wanted him until something better came along.
“A tolerable level of permanent unhappiness”
The funniest is when people like OOP's husband asks, "How could you give up on us?"
And majority of them do stay and put up with it
The world would be a much better place if people realized their self worth.
And then added tax
Like my mom who has put up with verbal and emotional abuse for decades and now he knows exactly what strings to pull to keep his family in line.
Cripes, this makes me so sad. It’s not much but I’d like to offer you endless < internet hugs > if you need ‘em
Ex played him to ruin his marriage and then fucked off when the job was done. Hahaha
Yeah I love watching someone like him lie in the huge bed of shit they made for themselves.
The Best, or Worse, part, is that if the ex somehow manages to get into another relationship, she's going to try the same, and succeed again
I'm more confused why ppl put up with the disrespect at all. Walking into my home and being told that my husband's ex is living there for 3 weeks without being consulted? I'd be like gtfo now or i call the cops. Hell, her staying more than a day without being told first would get the same reaction. If it's just one day I might allow it but husband is sleeping on the couch and I'll be checking to make sure he stays on the couch. The fact that she put up with it for 3 months I truly cannot understand. He's clearly made his choice long before that point, and you've made it clear that they can just get away with it by allowing it day 1. Her poor planning for her "new job" is not our problem. And if my husband says it is then the "our" in "our problem" means her and him and not him and I. That's how you know who he's chosen to be his actual partner.
I’m certain my response would have been ‘Someone is walking out that door in 15 minutes with their bag. Who is it going to be, her or me?’
"Her or both of you"
Yes, that was the day to go. Pack your bag, talk to husband: she or me? Oh, she? Bye.
I don't think it would have been fair for OOP to be the one to have to vacate her home.
Exactly. I would go one step and make the husband sleep in a hotel for not consulting me before inviting his ex.
Since he lives there and he invite Lindy, they won’t do anything.
They might suggest to Lindy that she leave, but since she was invited there, there is no crime.
Yeah, even if she reported the theft of her items (the furniture they hauled away) at most OOP might get a police report she could use to try to get them back herself, but assuming it was owned jointly with her husband, she'd probably be SOL there, too.
If there truly was some last minute emergency that didn't leave time for discussion, maybe I could move past it. I don't know what that would be, but it's an imaginable scenario. Everything else beyond that is unimaginably disrespectful.
I would think that the kids had something to with it, but OOP never mentioned them factoring in to her decisions at all. Maybe she was just being succinct, but... how can you be essentially their parent for a decade and then just walk out? How messed up are the kids by being abandoned by TWO different mothers, one of them twice over?
She did well by showing them to not take abuse.
Between the lines, kids are old enough that OOP let them own their own decision to play family with bio mom.
Exactly. OP has been with Husband for 10 years. He'd been separated from Ex for 2 years before that. Even if that was IMMEDIATELY after the younger was born, that would been the older is at least 13.
At the end of the day, this decision wasn't about the kids.
They are old enough that they will have to decide what kind of relationship they want with OOP - especially as OOP doesn't have much in the way of legal rights if she didn't adopt them.
Kids are even more capable of being manipulated than adults, so I could easily see the kids get taken in by "mom coming home and we'll be a family again" - it would be good of OOP to be able to forgive them.
On the other hand, we don't actually know what their relationship was like. Some kids never do warm up to step-parents.
The kids may not be fully grown but they can still learn from their dad FAFOing and torpedoing the happy family.
Ikr. The second he said he's going to let her stay for a while without telling me is the second I'd be on a phone with a lawyer
The thing that really poses me off about this guy is he had NO right for his kids.
Even if she was just staying for three weeks and then leaving for Australia… holy Shit that would traumatize the kids she abandoned but he was fine with it. And now those kids thought their mom was back, their parents were together and nope, she’s off again and they’ve been abandoned again (which was always going to happen).
So dude traumatized his kids, devastated his wife and destroyed his marriage… all for what? To pretend his ex matured and everything was fine with no accountability, no therapy, no restitution?
He deserves what he got, but the kids and OP deserve so much better.
This is the most disrespectful cheating I’ve seen. Just straight up moving the affair partner in and telling wife to deal with it
The poor kids have a narcissist for a mom and a spineless moron for a father. The step-mom was the only normal parent in their lives
So I'm not the only one who feels like she showed up just long enough to destroy the marriage on purpose?
I feel that way too
Imagine how those kids will look back at their childhood. Oh yeah mum fucked off for 12 years, dad married a nice lady that raised us for 10ish years, then suddenly mum was living with us again! Mum dad and stepmom were in a weird tense throuple for a few months, eventually step mum bounced and mum followed soon after and dad was left sniveling alone with a brand new kitchen table. Totally balanced life we lived.
Yet, it's clear they chose their biomom. That's a choice they're going to regret.
And who wants to bet that the STBX tried to use the kids to guilt his wife to come back to him? I hope she didn't fall for it.
We'll never know, but I do hope she cut them all off after the divorce and started fresh.
Better question: why do people allow themselves to be treated with so little respect? Homie had his ex/kids mother move in without talking with her, and she says ‘I was upset he didn’t consult me on it, but I let it go.’ It happened because it was allowed
This right here. I would have been like no. That’s all no. If he pushed it I would have went to my room and packed my shit and been like you made your decision and I’m not it. You’ll be hearing from lawyer period. Why did she let it go on. It was hard to even read this.
Why do people stay for 3 months dealing with this?
The OOP mentioned getting her financial ducks in a row. I am sure she needed a certain level of financial security to feel comfortable leaving. She doesn't mention her new living arrangements, but renting a new place can be really expensive depending where you are!
I imagine it takes some time to build up your safety nets. Not saying that’s what this OOP was doing, but I know for me, I certainly wouldn’t be simply biding my time to see if the situation changes for the better.
I can only hope that the comments on her post were brutally honest enough to help her see and understand, and that shortly after posting, she knew what she needed to do and started making her plans. And you’re right- it would have taken some time… I was just trying to come up with a list, and there’s way more on it than saving up for rent plus the deposits.
Her tone in the update was chipper and upbeat. I imagine it was a real relief to leave that “man” and that situation behind, and I’m very happy for her!
This is what I find baffling, at a certain point it's clear they are no longer choosing you & you go. I find accepting that confusing.
It can be hard to see it when you're in it
I’m out here freaking the fuck out because I woke up my significant other from shock about a NBA trade. This gives me perspective that yeah it could be way worse and I am not a dumb dumb nuking my relationship 😂
because people are inherently selfish and will always try to test limits the same way kids do with their parents. It's basically a risk/reward issue, if they think they can get away with it they will most likely do it. That's why the most important thing in relationships is to establish boundaries and stick to them. Even selfish people could have successful life-long relationships if both sides keep the other side in check and call them on their bullshit on the spot.
Respectfully, I disagree. I don’t think all people try to “test limits”. What you’re describing isn’t the innate selfishness/self-preservation people feel; constantly testing limits is manipulative and immature.
I am not trying to victim blame but I have learned one thing through my many years on this earth.
You are treated by others with exactly as much respect as you demand. For someone to be that comfortable being disrespectful, OOP has never demanded respect, so I answer your question with a question.
Why after YEARS of not needing to respect someone for them to be in your life, sleeping with you and taking care of you, would you just magically start respecting someone?
If they didn't need your respect to marry you, why would that same lack of respect all of a sudden mean they will leave you?
Dude is still a dick 100%, but the fact she just took the ex moving in on the chin without being consulted, is proof positive that she has never been respected in that relationship and it was clearly not a deal breaker.
Wow!
That actually went exactly the way I hoped!
Good on her for leaving him.
I just feel bad for the kids. She's basically raised them from what I can tell, but as she's not their bio mom she probably can't remain in their lives, at least not closely. These kids were abandoned by their bio mom, and now their dad messed up so bad they are losing their step-mom too. So sad
I don’t know how old they are but it sure seemed they chose bio mom unfortunately :////
Yeah I just looked back, ex was divorced for 2 years and then oop was with him for 10. So the youngest kid is at least 12. I'm pretty surprised they would choose to spend so much time around a bio-mom who had little to do with them for the last 12 years. It's sad, but they're still young and probably thought she was a cool, trendy, party-girl. She obviously ingratiated herself with the family and I'm willing to bet she's a great manipulator.
It definitely hurts for OP, and it will hurt for the kids, but at least they're old enough that they can choose to keep a relationship with OOP. In my head I was imagining much younger children.
Also, kids are so easy to manipulate and especially vulnerable to being manipulated by their bio parents. There is an incredibly strong craving for the approval and love of absent bio parents, that deadbeats are really able to take advantage of with just the slightest sign that they might have changed.
This guy really fucked things up for everybody, and the bio mom is a selfish monster.
Yeah, like I get that the kids look bad for "choosing the bio mom" but I really don't think that was their intention. They probably thought it was an exciting opportunity to spend time with a cool, interesting bio parent for the first time while they can (she was supposed to leave the country soon). Maybe they even thought if they were good enough she might be proud of them and love them enough not to abandon them again. Childhood abandoned can seriously mess you up. And even if the kids did "choose" her in some way, they're just teens/preteens, making stupid choices is what they do lol. It's just a really sad situation and I bet they were blindsided by the consequences. It must have been heartbreaking for their patents to divorce and then for their bio mom to abandon them again. The ex on the other hand should have known better, as he's a full grown adult with a fully developed brain (presumably).
Yup. I honestly place most of the blame for the fallout on the husband. He knew what his ex was. He knew what he was doing to OOP. He knew the risks he was taking with his kids emotions.
The bio mom definitely has her share of the blame. She's an awful person, behaving awfully. It's the husband that should have known better.
So my dad was "present" in our lives, but only so much as he lived in the house with us, really. He didn't come to sports games, band concerts, or most vacations. The last vivid memory I have of a father/son moment was him teaching me to ride a bike when I was around 3.
When my mom initiated the divorce in my middle teens, my older brother latched onto him and vilified my mom. My dad didn't need to manipulate him in any meaningful way, my brother just so desperately wanted a father figure that he was willing to overlook almost 2 decades of not having it.
How did that turn out?
Dad died of cancer bitter and alone, living in my brother's basement. Dude got a tattoo of a black widow spider "so he'd never forget."
Mom married someone who treats her right and she's rightfully enjoying retirement and her golden years.
Oh wow. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad to hear about your mum's happiness :)
They chose bio mom over her hoping to finally have that family they dreamed of. OOP needs to cut her ties and leave them in the past, they damaged her immensely and recovering will be difficult.
A lot of kids - adopted, step, sperm donor, etc - place an inordinate amount of weight on parents being "biological".
No, they can't. If OOP doesn't want to be a part of their lives, she doesn't have to be. The kids chose their biomom. As far as I'm concerned, they can have their biomom. Sounds like biomom is still in town.
I hope OOP got a fresh start away from all of them.
It seems really common for kids, and many adults, to project an image of perfect parenthood on the parent who is habitually absent. It's the fun parent vs the parent who actually does the hard work of caring dynamic
Also, kids will sometimes feel like the more consistent parent will love them no matter what, whereas they have to fight for the attention of the absent parent. It's absolutely unfair to the present parent, and I don't hold OOP responsible for the repercussions this will have for them, but there probably will be a lot of additional emotional struggles for those kids due to this incident.
She literally came back just to abandon them a second time, too!
Sad? Yes.
Is even an iota of that OPs fault? Hell no.
Especially good timing in late 2019. This would have been a disaster if they’d been still living together in 2020
Holy crap I totally read past the dates! Being home alone with two teens that hate your guts cause you're the reason they have no maternal figure anymore.... honestly hope the husband got exactly what he deserved.
I was just thinking that! Imagine all of them in lockdown together! I’d have invited one of my exes to stay as well ;)
And for the ex leaving him. Now he know what he threw his family away for, nothing. Just what he deserves.
Who knew his flakey ex would flake again? She seemed like such a reliable person!
Well she can always be relied on to flake!
Lmao
hey cant blame her, who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to open a bead store
What gets me is that husband thinks he could just leave OOP for Lindy without consequence and then come back to OOP as if nothing happened. His little brain is beyond stupid.
It's such a strange recurring theme with BORUs about relationships and cheating. One party is cheated on either emotionally or physically and when the other party leaves, the side piece no longer wants anything to do with the first party who then comes crawling back. They always try and rationalize it as a mistake when it's always so much more than that. That if it was truly nothing and meant nothing, then you wouldn't have done it in the first place.
My favorite variety is the cheater who loses their shit when they realize they're being cheated on as well. It's always "how could you" this and "doesn't our relationship mean anything to you" that.
Mother fucker, how could you?
Ah, that famous cake eater story.
Because for some it’s only fun when you’re getting one over on another person. For others it becomes not so fun when you have to deal with the AP everyday. Before the spouse was taking up at least some of that time. The AP got the best parts but now the funky attitude comes around and you can’t send them home to their spouse.
Affair partners are basically the “fun weekend dads” of relationships. They don’t have to deal with chores and homework and real life, so they get to seem awesome by comparison.
But give ‘em full-time custody, and they’re no longer fun. Turns out they’re either just as “boring” as the original parent was, or too obnoxiously immature to actually manage life.
I’d be curious how many AP-relationships actually survive the transition.
I know some people who got with their APs and there are times during certain interactions where I’m wondering if they’re only still together to justify the cheating especially if there’s kids fron the first marriage involved.
That's incredibly common; saying "it was true love!" is up there as top excuses cheaters use so breaking up soon after becoming official is basically saying to the world "turns out I'm a horny mf with no respect for my partners". Nobody likes to think of themselves as the bad guy, some denials just run deeper than others.
Very interesting observations
My dad married his mistress. Had 3 more kids with her. They seem happily married after all these years, so 40ish years together. However, he didn't raise that lot of kids either, being away working for years. I've always wondered how many half siblings are really out there.
Honestly, that's a really good way of looking at it
I mean, people do make mistakes. Terrible, shitty decisions that they regret. For me, if they really believed it was a mistake though, they wouldn't be with the affair partner after. Even if it meant being single.
If they are only claiming it was a mistake after the affair partner leaves them, well their only regret was that it didn't work out with the affair partner. That's a clear sign that they aren't actually valuing the original relationship, they only regret losing the original relationship because they lost both.
It’s because it worked on him. Lindy left him without consequence and he was right there ready to take her back as if nothing happened the moment she wanted him again. Fortunately for OP, she’s smarter and has more self respect than him.
He's pretending nothing happened. He admitted he made a terrible mistake and is sorry for it.
It just thinks that he can get OOP back with begging. He doesn't get that OOP is over him, that he doesn't love him anymore, that she doesn't trust him anymore.
I'm sure he still thinks that OOP still loves him and his family and his mind cannot conceive that she's emotionally over it and the family he had is dead because he killed it.
Except he didn't make a mistake. He made choices: multiple, repeated decisions. Granted, they were terrible decisions. But let's not minimize the harm he did by actively choosing Lindy over OOP.
And sadly he and his infinitesimal brain are now raising two children.
Lmfao. The ex decided to prove she could still take him back any time she wanted. She did so - and once he wasn't a fun little amusement anymore, she wandered off to the next.
Sucks for the kids that they got caught up in their parents' drama and lost their stepmom as a result.
Also, the AUDACITY to throw her furniture away... OOP has the patience of a saint.
Oh, yeah, I'd have sold that shit before I left, and kept the money.
Mostly I’m questioning how the furniture thing wasn’t the last straw but all’s well that ends well (for OOP at least)
I'd sue for the cost. Even if it was depreciated Nationwide Warehouse furniture.
Even saints really shouldn't be that patient
Yeah at that point you aren’t a saint, you’re a pushover
now he is divorced twice, no woman would touch that unless they are desperate bums lol
Poor OOP. He married her because he wanted a bandmaid nanny. When former wifey came back into his life, he happily changed horses. Now they've both left, and he wants his bangmaid nanny back.
Good on her for leaving and not going back. She deserves so much better.
ETA: also, those kids are screwed. Their parents don't care about them, and they lost the only decent role model they had. They're gonna have so many abandonment issues as they get older.
I suspect OOP was also the primary breadwinner. Lindsay didn’t take too well to the change in the standard of living.
I didn’t even think of that! Her husband thought he could get his ex back but keep OOP for her contribution to household expenses, and once she left and the husband needed ex to work to support their kids, the ex was out. Sweet justice, honestly.
Except they’ll probably due this to the husband’s next wife too.
That definitely occurred to me, too. It's more fun to play house with someone else's money.
OOP definitely has no reason to be jealous - all her husband is doing is indulging in romantic behaviors with his ex-wife who immediately tried to remove all signs of OOP’s presence from her own home 🙄
Yikes! Just YIKES!
"Honey, you're overreacting. She's just thowing away a few thousand dollars worth of furniture for her entire new set. I'm not sure why you're acting weird. Don't you know every divorced spouse can be roommates with their immature divorced ex wives? Wait, why are both the hot women leaving me..."
This guy deserves everything coming his way.
And who do you think paid for the new furniture?
I'll bet it wasn't the flakey ex.
Honestly I bet even the ex was surprised he let her get away with that.
True! She was probably having a field day with it. She didn't expect to get this far, and only jumped ship once OOP divorced the Husband. She wasn't trying to actually be with him anymore. She was fully ready to move on once the fun was over.
Yes, she STOLE that furniture!
[removed]
Yes it’s a store that sells beads for jewelry making. Craft supply stores are not very profitable.
He didn't *make* a terrible mistake, he *was* the terrible mistake.
Love this
Good for OOP for not being the consolation prize. The ex husband thought he could have it both ways, and ended up alone.
I just don’t get how the furniture didn’t do it for her. I mean I would have been out before that, but I can see how some people who aren’t used to standing up for themselves would just kinda begrudgingly go with it. But stealing all your furniture and trashing it isn’t the last straw?! Are you absolutely fucking kidding me? I’m gobsmacked.
This was the best possible conclusion for the situation. I hope she's living her best life without that man. The amount of disrespect he showed her was insane.
It just really sucks for the kids who lose both their mother figures because of daddy's fucked up decision making.
Yeah, I feel very sorry for them. Hopefully one day they'll be able to come to terms with it and understand why their stepmom had to leave.
They are teenagers, they know what happened and why what IS happening is occurring. They need counseling now because they will feel tormented in the future for their part.
Yeah these kids are old enough to know that what’s happening ain’t exactly normal and that OP left because Daddy and Mommy got back together.
Maybe later they’ll look back and see the situation with more nuances and different feelings than they currently have.
But for them in 2019, totally understandable and predictable that 2 teens would latch onto the idea of their biological mother and nuclear family they always wondered “what if” about. They had thick rose coloured glasses on and childlike naïveté but now that it’s all over they’re smart enough to KNOW why OP left.
Maybe. Depends on how self-aware they are.
The realization may not come for decades. Or never.
They may spend their whole lives feeling like their stepmother abandoned them and blaming her without ever realizing that they adandoned and disrespected her first.
No, what happened. It was 2019
Should have sold the furniture first, she owes OP a living room and dining room set.
She can ask the ex husband to pay for it during the divorce settlement.
I don't understand how people get pushed around this much, and I'm considered a pushover. The first day I would have told him no, this wasn't discussed or approved by me, and it's either her or me in the house. If he chose her, I'd pack my stuff, meet with a divorce lawyer, and be done with it.
People show you who they are. Believe them.
I cannot believe he said that it’s “cute” she was being jealous.
My dude. That’s like the equivalent of telling someone to “calm down” in an argument. It’s so patronizing and condescending. He’s lucky he walked away from that married with both of his testicles, his dick, his eyes, and his life, fully intact. What a tool.
Honestly THAT was my “how did she not leave there and then”.
To me it just screamed that the husband knew what Lindsey was doing and enjoyed the attention and that it made OP uncomfortable. Sick fuck.
Thought same! The jealousy was part of his fun.
Yeah, I don't think he would be so flippant if the OOP had announced "Oh, by the way, my ex is staying with us indefinitely, ha ha, and is replacing all your furniture and rearranging our closet, doing our laundry 🧺, etc"
I would have gone nuclear after the furniture thing.
Good thing he's now an Ex. Just what was the plan there?
I don't know how the last straw didn't come waaaay sooner for OOP but you know what, she got there eventually.
I wonder if OOP had kids with this loser, and if they too were exposed to this pathetic attempt at sister wive-ing, or if it just these poor stepkids (I can only imagine their lives now, without OOP'a influence, having to face reality of an absent mother and a moron for a father).
I wouldn't have left without an invoice for all the furniture the cretins threw out.
Also the husband telling OP that the ex left him is confirmation that they were having an affair and that the job in Australia was always a lie.
I remember this post. I'm so happy she left. I'm even happier she got to see him beg her to come back.
"Its so cute you want me back since you got left" should be the response to any of ops ex messages
She should've put a stop to it the second the ex was brought in without her input. There's some red flags that you just shouldn't ignore, and home invasion is one of them.
Seriously. If I came home from work and my partner's ex was sitting on my couch, drinking what I can only assume is my wine, and my partner tried to tell me she was moving in, I would lose my shit. Over my dead body. He'd be making a choice between us right then and there, although I'd probably still dump him just for thinking this shit was okay.
I'm glad OOP decided not to be the bang nanny.
I love seeing late 2019 posts. You know she would have been there during lock down, because "how can she expect to quarantine away from the kids?"
It was really convenient for the ex wife to leave when OOP was divorcing hubby. I have the feeling that this scenario will repeat again when ex hubby either gets serious in another relationship or marries again.
I remember this one, read it somewhere before (outside Reddit?).
Lindy is a red flagged flying monkey and Husband is a tool.
Edit: It says right in the Post, its from Slate's Dear Prudence
Ex husband is a loser, and deserved all that shit. Got left twice back to back lmaoooo
I despair at how many people don't realise that their ex only wants them because they're taken and will happily dump them the minute the thrill wears off
They were having an affair right in OP's face. They may or may not have been sleeping together, but they certainly were acting like they were still husband and wife. I don't understand why OP tolerated one minute of this.
Ok, I’m sorry, but I lost it at the part where hubby was in bed reading and the ex was ‘cleaning out the closet’.
This man is a cruel jerk that she gave too much time and attention to. She should have left the day that this fool bought this woman into their home.
Brutal. My best guess is the ex lied the idea of getting her family back when they weren’t really available, and there was a “competition” that made him seem more desirable.
The second OP left, the ex realized she didn’t actually want a full time family and bailed. She was just there for fun and an ego boost. She got that and left.
" I'd wish you the best, but you already had it. So I'll bid you good luck and farewell "
Bwahahaha. Who else saw that coming? 😂 Lindy surely strung him along, weaved her magic and when she had what she needed snipped him once again with her usual take and split sharp tiny pliers he didn't even see coming even though she's done it before. Now he's rolling around in the dirt begging OP to clasp him to her bosom again. 📿
As soon as Linda's competition got herself out of the situation, the situation no longer remained fun for her. Good that the ex husband and ex step children got their karma.
Well, OOP's ex FAFO. Good for OOP for dumping his pathetic arse and moving on.
I bet Lindy tries the same ploy again as soon as the ex finds another wife. She doesn't want him but no one else can keep him. I pity the kids though.
"My husband took me aside and told me that Lindy will be staying in our guest room for three weeks."
That's the point at which I would be out. He doesn't ask. He doesn't consider if it'd be okay with her. He does nothing in advance. He tells, as it's already happening.
I find people like Lindy so weird. She’s a deadbeat. Her ex-husband moved on with someone else who actually wants to be there for him and the kids, and she just comes back causing drama just for her to leave again because she got what she wanted. Like… you abandoned your family. Why do you care if your family moves on and can actually function without you? You chose leave. Stay gone. That said, I’m glad OOP is moved on. That’s what her lowdown ex gets!
I wonder how she is now
I think this is satire. OOP making fun of all the people who miss red flags.
I hear about people like this and think "wow, I'm such a catch! I'm not a total piece of shit!"
Then I read some other story and realise that I'm just average.
One of the dumbest husbands on the planet.
What an absolute idiot. These days people will just follow emotional instinct instead actually breaking stuff down logically and realising that the life you've built already is better.
They should really teach CBT in schools, it would at least help with common sense.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?
LOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLl this. Is. Karma that the husband so rightfully deserved!
What an idiot
Reminds me of when my dumbass uncle messed up his second marriage because he decided to stick his wick in his ex-girlfriend, who was a POS.
The very same ex-girlfriend, who attempted to commit check fraud, when she stole my grandma’s check book and tried to cash out $5000.
The same ex-girlfriend who vandalized his beloved Pontiac Firebird because she thought he was cheating on her.
This was the same woman that he cheated with, when he was with his first wife.
I am glad she didn't wait until seeing them having sex in her bed.
Ex deserves being dumped by everyone in his life.
Of course the ex is begging for her to come back! His first choice ditched him again! He would never beg for her to comeback if his first wife stuck around! OOP was always second choice though she didn’t know it before her husband’s ex was conveniently moved in.
BEES?!
We'll see who brings in more honey, Michael!
Beautiful ending. I knew that the ex wife was just taking him for a trip, but I'm glad OOP left him too LMAO. He's so stupid.
How do you even let it get that far?
I'd be considering divorce the moment he just randomly announces his ex will be staying with us.
Lindy was still flaky - she just hid it for a while and totally bamboozled her ex, one step at a time to get her foot in the door. Throwing your furniture away was definitely the last straw. Her running off with another dude just revealed everything. Good riddance to a feckless ex- hubby.
Lol sucks to suck
I wouldn't have waited for months. Week 4 and I'm out. And if I was unsure, the family dinner would have been the end. Not the vacation or the furniture.
She should have also invited her ex to come stay too since her husband wanted to run an ex motel
“I’ll keep my dignity and he can keep the furniture” is such an ice cold line lmao. Love it.
"No, thanks. I’ll keep my dignity, and he can keep the furniture."
Love it. Can I request a flair?
Edit to add: I feel awful for the kids, though.
I look forward to many more Dear Prudence, Miss Manners, etc. BORU submissions. There's gotta be a ton of material in advice columns.
Dude is in love with his ex and more than happy to keep OP stringing along OP so he can have a comfortable family life until she comes back. Ex absolutely came back just to get OP out of the picture and then fucked off again when she succeeded.
I feel for the kids.
Wtf did I just read?? He moves the ex wife back into prime position right in front of his wife and never really confirms he cheated, just lived like their old selves. I would've punched her right in the tit
What an idiot. Anyone could see it coming a mile away. Good for OOP to leave and move on without an idiot dragging them down.
BEADS, Michael!!
She’s an ex for a reason. Why do people not learn? Or do they just love self-sabotaging their lives?
I have a hard time believing this one is real
And till his day he will not will go back to the ex whenever she turns up.
I hope at least his child learned from it.
Good riddance for OOP! Lol there is just a 3 month gap between the post and her ex was already dumped. Hope the kids missed the stability OOP offered and make up with her
The amount of people in these comments who have no compassion for kids being manipulated by an absent mother is so sad… especially when at first the kids thought the mom was leaving for another continent in a few weeks.
The initial mistake was letting her move in in the first place. Or, even earlier, marrying that idiot husband.