I used to lurk this sub all the time looking for positive, painless, boring birth stories. After 37 weeks, I was so anxious that I even almost requested an elective c, which was highly advised against by my midwife. I was scared of the pain of contractions basically. I did pelvic exercises my entire pregnancy religiously (spoiler, I don’t think they made much difference in the outcome).
So I wanted to share some thoughts on my experience after giving birth.
My birth story - the contractions were like strong period cramps. It’s not that the pain itself was bad, it’s more so that they were relentless and I spent about 12 hours in early labour so was sent home by the hospital until I came back at 4 cm dilated in active labour. I got the epidural an hour later at 6 cm dilated. I then spent the day napping, then when it was time, pushed for 15 minutes, baby came out healthy.
Funnily, everything I was worried about came true. Second degree tears and stitches, bad haemorrhage, extended hospital stay, haemorrhoid, and iv transfusions. I even had to return to the hospital with a uterine infection.
However, looking back, I was worried about all the wrong things. I barely ever felt the stitches, went back to my pre-pregnancy weight in a month and felt so light, and with some iron supplements I was feeling better. I never really felt the perineal tears at all after the first week or so of using diapers and a peri bottle. I never ended up using my fancy Frida ice padsicles.
What I really wish I would’ve studied more is feeding, especially breastfeeding, because so far that was my steepest learning curve on top of postpartum healing. Being the sole person keeping my newborn alive while experiencing all the complications post-labour took a tremendous toll on me until baby and I got the hang of it and we started doing some combo feeding and so on.
So for FTMs like me, I would only have two pieces of advice - if you want the epidural, u should really go for it (even tho I teared lol). On top of the obvious instant relief, it saved me from having to experience a lot of procedures and checks like cervix checks, fundal massages, stitches, etc. And to research your preferred method of feeding well and early, and to go easy on yourself if things don’t happen perfectly in the first week.
You got this mamas!!
This sounds like me!! I did so much research and preparing for labor, and it ended up being pretty easy. Now I’m in the middle of trying to learn how to breastfeed, while giving formula and pumping when I can and looking up lactation consultants because it’s been the hardest part of it all!!
We were seen by a lactation consultant in the hospital and it really made a huge difference, on top of their tips it’s just such a relief when they tell you when you’re finally doing it right! I hope you find one that makes you feel super confident about breastfeeding
Totally agree with you!! I was so scared of tearing - I had a 2nd degree tear and didn’t feel a thing. It took a little while to heal but honestly it’s no biggie. And I also was SO unprepared for breastfeeding and the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. I even took a breastfeeding class through my hospital but they didn’t go over reasons you might not be able to nurse, how to pump, when to consider formula, etc.
I took a breastfeeding class at my hospital too and it was a freaking joke now that I know how much more there is to it!!
the breastfeeding classes are borderline useless for the stuff that actually trips you up. They sell you this rosy picture and then you're home at 3am with cracked nipples and a screaming baby wondering why nobody mentioned this part
Right! I don’t know why I was so cocky thinking that my baby would have a perfect latch right away and breastfeeding would feel natural and that in 72 hrs my milk supply will start leaking through my shirt like they show in movies lol
Sameeee! I was scared of pain and tearing, and in the end the worst most difficult thing BY FAR was the first days of breastfeeding. And yes, vaginal birth was painful in that moment and I had second degree tears, but thanks to the epidural I only really felt the last minutes. The next weeks everyone kept asking me how I was feeling physically and my answer was always "the only thing that hurts are my nipples" 🤣 (thankfully my nipples got used to it and now I LOVE breastfeeding)
Omg ouch! And relatable lol how long did it take for you to love breastfeeding/ find it comfortable?
When the pain started to be tolerable, the first latch was still always painful. I think it became completely painless after a month or maybe a month and a half? My baby is 6 and a half months now and I still exclusively breastfeed her (also starting solids with little success 🤣). No pumping, no bottles. I love it.
With my first pregnancy I also wanted a C-section to avoid tearing lol I didn’t even tear! I was worried over nothing and so happy I didn’t impulsively give in to abdominal surgery over a silly fear!
Thank you for this post and congratulations on your healthy baby! I am heading down the same path as you were - focussed on labour not breastfeeding. How can I best learn about it?
Thank you! Hmm on reflection i feel like it’s really helpful once your baby is born that nurses or a lactation specialist (if it’s in ur budget) assesses how your baby feeds specifically and what positions feel most natural. But other than that I’d just talk to other moms in your circle for their first-hand real experiences and watch YouTube videos so you’re familiar with the terms they might throw at you. The main thing I’d say is just staying calm, having lots of patience and no shame in asking for help!
Thank you!
Yeah I had a second degree tear (almost third by a hair, apparently 😬) and it wasn't even remotely painful?? At the timez while getting stitched or healing?? Never used the peri bottle, was terrified of going to the loo but it was ok (definitely do stool softeners though) and healed perfectly.
Contractions felt exactly like on/off period pain for me too, it wasn't until the very end it was worse than cramps I had as a teen 🤷
I booked an elective c section with my first. My “worst case scenario” was an instrument delivery. Anyway, went into spontaneous labour, needed an episiotomy and a forceps delivery and it was actually all fine. For my second, I wanted a vaginal birth but, of course, it was twins and twin a was breech so a c section it was. I had a major haemorrhage with that. But that was actually all fine too.
Recovery pros and cons were pretty similar for both. I’ve realised babies are just going to do whatever they want to do 😂
Did your milk come late because you got an epidural ? I was told it might sometime delay the milk production .
Interesting, I didn’t know that. The first time I really noticed harder breasts and leaking was around 10 days, and baby started cluster feeding around then as well