Go sweep up the egg shells and be frank with her, you are unable to use the baby items purchased from temu due to quality, safety, practicality. If you don’t you will receive more temu items.

No advice but this is my nightmare. My MIL is 100% going to do this because she’s already buys pure junk for the rest of the family.

Temu is known to have a lot of recalls for baby toys- they don’t have their website updated for recalls past 2024, but I would show your MIL their recall page on their site. Say you appreciate everything she is doing but after seeing the recalls you’re just not comfortable receiving anymore items from temu. I know it might be an uncomfortable convo, but ultimately it comes down to the safety/ comfort of your baby!

Nothing from TEMU should be close to children. The stuff from there is full of chemicals. https://chemtrust.org/news/toxic-chemicals-temu/

Really talk to her about that. If she doesn’t stop it just refuse to accept it. And throw everything away you’ve received so far.

My mom is a temu lover as well and I got ahead of this by saying something along the lines of appreciating gifts very much but would love for them to be from reputable sellers (name some you like) and not temu due to the different standards/regulations countries overseas have. Frame it as safety for your infant and not personal. She totally understood.

They say the boomers are the largest demographic on Temu. It’s so true. If you’re planning on having more than one kiddo you can explain that you have higher quality items on your registry to reuse for the next baby and that you are concerned about landfill waste.

This is my MIL and to be honest I just gave up. She gifts it to us and I immediately throw it away, I don’t even bring it in my house. The crap she buys is not even stuff that I feel safe donating. Cheap plastic chemical smelling clothes, toys & baby products. I don’t care about brands but if something doesn’t even have ANY brand name on it, no thanks.

We’ve told her over and over to not buy us this stuff. We’ve given her links. We’ve given her lists. We’ve recommended Walmart. Clearance stores. Thrift stores. We’ve just asked for gift cards. She doesn’t care. She fully cares about quantity vs quality. She is in this weird 1 sided competition with my mom, that my mom isn’t even competing in. 😂 She just wants to have MORE presents for the kids to open. But jokes on her I guess.

Have your husband text her something like-

“Hey mom, we just read an article that says that Temu may include toxins that may be harmful for baby. We really appreciate the gifts so far, but we’re going to try to buy the baby non-synthetics/chemical free in the future if you can keep that in mind. Love you!”

I’m bracing myself for this because my dad is very into Temu and so is my (very affluent) MIL. Ex. For my birthday my MIL got me an outfit off Temu lol. My plan is to try to get ahead of it and bring up casually something like “I saw an article about how many chemicals are in clothing from Temu, SHEIN, etc and I couldn’t believe it!!! Since I found this out we’ve decided we don’t feel comfortable putting our baby in these clothes”. This is fact about clothing from places like Temu, if you didn’t already know you should research it and if you do know, you can act like you just found out and are making a new informed decision! Oh another thread I got the advice to educate them on OEKO TEX certification for fabrics which is safe for baby and available in many affordable brands like Carters

People have done this to me a ton bc my husband and I had our first baby at 20 and then twins at 22. We had no issues financially supporting the babies yet folks always assume we did/do and give us heaps of ran down used items or cheap crap. Truth is, there’s no nice way to decline. We at a certain point just decided to take it all. It gets donated or tossed out. I’ve had people ask about certain items and it’s an immediate “yeah that is just in the basement right now being washed/due to toy rotation/doesn’t fit them anymore” or “we have another version of that item and I had a friend in need and wanted to help so I let them choose which they wanted” and stuff that people are really excited about, I slap it on the kid for 5 minutes and take pictures so the giver feels good about it.

Blame it on your pediatrician! This is actually one of my favorite things our doctor m told me… for stuff like this blame it on me! Huge family gathering? Nope doctor said no. Baby can watch tv with you? No again. When you have your initial meeting say the doc flagged this as a potential concern that they’ve seen cause skin issues in newborns clothing

I feel like people like her weaponize their “hurt feelings” to guilt people into doing what they want and not speaking up. She may not fully realize this but she plays victim and it’s exhausting for everyone else.

I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings but I think explaining honestly what you’ve explained here and being firm that you won’t be putting your baby’s health and safety at risk for her feelings is the best route. She can return a lot of things still and you need to tell her before she spends more money on this garbage.

Your baby comes first and I think if she acts like that in this circumstance she’s going to guilt you guys about all sorts of things involving the baby. You need to set the precedent that she doesn’t get to boo-hoo and control things because this is so not about her.

I have a very strict rule about clothes my baby wears. He has eczema and has to be in high quality breathable fabrics. You could also make up a story about how a friend had a child who got a bad rash and now you are concerned about those products.

Once your baby is here, “the pediatrician said…” is my go to line lol

https://www.nbcchicago.com/consumer/fast-fashion-infant-baby-clothes-studies-find-high-chemical-levels/3731861/

Show her this

I would def offer some data and objectivity to why you’re not going to use the items so she can’t argue

My MiL is a temu demon too. She gets us so much cheap crap from temu 😅

I just wouldn’t put it on the baby and when she ask I would tell her you tried it on and different things gave her a rash or something

Does she live near you? We put our baby in that kind of stuff, took a picture and sent it to her, and then immediately got rid of it. Also if she buys enough she'll forget about some of it so as long as you're putting in an effort to make it seem like you're using it, that's sufficient.

But yeah there's no way I would use those toys, and I'd be hesitant about the clothes too because who knows what kinds of chemicals are on them.

You can also try redirecting by sending links to better brands when they have sales -- Hanna Andersson has massive sales, Primary, and Carter's. Like "Oh did you see this! Some of this is cute!" and hopefully that starts a new fixation for her.

Battling this with my MIL and BIL at the moment. Not for baby stuff but with my toddler. We asked for experience presents for Christmas/Birthday instead of toys. They got him some lovely good quality toys but bulked out the presents with tat from Temu. We've washed the clothes and the quality and texture feels really off and extra plasticy. I've put them in a drawer for a few months and we'll say he grew out of them. We've tried putting the foot down about this stuff but are accused of being snobbish and that they're being treated unfairly as we haven't given my parents any push back.

The first two years I made a list on Excel of suggested books and toys and asked them to tick off the list online. This kinda worked but they still went for much cheaper alternatives that weren't right e.g. we asked for a kids fabric tunnel and received a blow up tube for a baby to practice tummy time.

Now we have a rule that they can buy what they want but it stays in their house and he can play with it there.

He really loved one toy my parents got him this Christmas and insisted on bringing it home and to his other grandparents to play with it with them. This has pissed off the in laws.

Anyway my point is, this will be an on going battle, stand firm on the boundary and say you won't put your child in those clothes, cite health and safety concerns/recalls etc.

I also have a TEMU/dollar store MIL. I used to just not let my kid play with the stuff. Now my 3yo gets super excited about the stuff. So I just let it happen. But for the baby…no. I am cheap but I buy thrifted and second hand quality items. Not trash.

I have a well meaning but similar MIL. Always buys and gifts cheap junk I have to dispose of. Before baby was born I was just super obnoxious and vocal about how we will only be cotton/linen or natural fibers, no plastic toys, nothing with batteries/lights/sounds. Was/am I very annoying about this subject? Yes. But baby is one and we have received very minimal “junk” for her. Be warned, this method has resulted in us buying 98% of her clothes and toys ourselves as these guidelines seem to be too difficult for most to grasp. But we are ok with it as her clothes and toys are all good quality and well researched.

My MIL also did this initially. Not really from Temu but extremely low quality toys and clothes. And would even demand that we put baby in them. Well we dint and openly told her the issue with every single one of them. Then those quickly stopped and we started getting gift cards instead.

It's such a boomer problem. And in the 80s they would have been offended/grossed out if their in-laws had given them some cheap random trash from down the market, but they just do not comprehend that they are doing the same to us. But worse because capitalism means that 80s random market shit was prob still way better quality than 2025 temu/amazon lol 🥲 For the baby we honestly just bin it, but it gets trickier later on when they give things to the kids directly and the kids are old enough to notice if you make things disappear.

This is tricky because she clearly means well, but yeah – those super thin fabrics with rough seams and weird care instructions aren't practical for a baby you're changing 10 times a day.

Here's how I'd handle it without starting a family war:

- Redirect her, don't reject her. Thank her genuinely, then guide her toward what you actually need. Something like: "We're so grateful you're this excited! We've got heaps of newborn stuff now, thanks to you, but we're going to need 3-6 month sizes soon. We've heard Cotton On Kids and Target have great basics that hold up really well in the wash. would you want to grab some of those when the time comes?"

- Use the pediatrician excuse. If she pushes back, blame someone neutral. "Our pediatrician mentioned sticking to softer fabrics without rough seams because of sensitive newborn skin and to watch for small plastic bits. We're just trying to follow that advice."

- Keep a couple of pieces for visits. Pop baby in one of her outfits when she's around, then change them after. Small price for peace.

Babies outgrow newborn clothes in a blink anyway. You'll get through this phase. Save your energy for the bigger safety battles like car seats and sleep gear where quality really matters.

Have you tried sending her direct links to what you need? Sometimes people shop better with a roadmap than total freedom.

Temu is known for having lead in the clothing Jsyk.

I just keep stressing that we only accept name brand clothes and gifts because while I appreciate the thought, I trust fischer price/Melissa and Doug toys and Old Navy/Tea Collection clothes far more than alphabet soup amazon and temu finds.

Is there any way she might have a slight shopping addiction? In general, I'm trying to cut back on useless junk, fast fashion, etc. I plan to become more minimalist as I work on those impulsive shopping behaviors, but it hasn't been easy!

Maybe you can speak with her about your concerns on the quality, but also, other ethical dilemmas with Temu and consumerism in general. Being a thoughtful consumer buying stuff now and again isn't so bad, but just burning money on junk shows perhaps a lack of understanding of these apps, economies, and the environment that has lead all of us to, well (points at the world) this.

There's tons of documentaries and videos available online such as YouTube that could maybe help educate her on why cutting back and focusing on quality or secondhand items would be best for baby, for her wallet, and for the world.

I am also here in solidarity

"I really appreciate all the buts you've been getting, but a friend recently let me know that they have a lot of recalls due to lax manufacturing and testing rules in China direct to website. Id like to avoid temu/shein/aliexpress for anything baby relalted please, just in case."

I sent my mother articles & studies on temu items & the toxicity of them and politely told her anything purchased from Temu would be thrown away. She was supportive of it and wasn't aware of the issues with their products. I encouraged her to thrift at local second hand stores if she wanted to shop & spoil him instead.

My boyfriend and I told his mum that we didn’t want anything from Shein or Temu because of harmful chemicals, safety concerns, poor quality and unethical practises. She bought some bits anyway and said she’d washed them with baby detergent. We told her we wouldn’t use them and not to buy any more. Just had to be upfront! You’ll have to assert lots of boundaries when baby comes.

You put baby in the cutest ones for a photo shoot - I like to take pictures each month on the anniversary of their birthday for example. You send her the pictures. Then you take the baby out of it and throw it away or in clothes recycling. She won’t realize baby isn’t wearing it all the time.

My husband and I have a few items like this and we decided to just do what we’re calling a media day so the people who gave the items to us can feel appreciated lol Pick a couple of the best things to take pictures of the baby in and then take right off. Send the pictures periodically as if the baby is wearing them spaced out 😂

Honestly, I just say thank you and regift or donate. Maybe take a picture in the outfit once, remove and give them away on Facebook!

Does she have a daughter that could be blunt with her? My sister-in-laws are so helpful with this kind of stuff because daughters can tend to say the honest, blunt, borderline cruel thing to their moms to get the message across. And not on your behalf, just a casual, “Mom, why in the heck are you buying that cheap, crappy clothing for the new baby? I wouldn’t put my kids in that shit and I bet they don’t want to either, but are being too polite.”

These type of gifted clothes are the ones I send to daycare as extras and I “forget” to put babes name on it - in hopes it gets lost.

My MIL is a a slight hoarder so same issue, especially temu. So husband just tells her exactly what we want and if we do get some cheap stuff then we make the decision if we keep it or not. Once it’s in your house it’s your choice. But would say tell your husband to talk to her if you think it will get out of hand with the amount of stuff. Also best thing is put the outfit on baby once take a picture, send it and thats it. I get your concern especially having those cheap products on them with all the microplastics and crap fabric, baby’s skin is so delicate. Also encourage her to try a secondhand store if you’re open to that. We tell all our family our favourite brands and his size so they can keep an eye out. I mean we also buy secondhand mostly cause we would rather spend money on experiences and they grow so fast anyways. Once upon a child is awesome at least ours is great I hear some are hit and miss for price vs new. Also our local thrift store is so affordable. Like $1-2 for a carters brand sleeper in good condition but not as guaranteed to find what you want.

My mom also likes to buy from 'uncle temu' and I told her from the start that most products used to make the items sold there aren't regulated and haven't had the safety checks most other products entering the EU (that's where I'm located) have had.

She is the understanding type though and will always respect us in that sense so I didn't find it difficult to bring up. I just made sure to do it before she went crazy with it. I did tell her I don't mind thrifted or second hand baby clothes from brands that are well known where in located (local stores in the country) as long as they're not completely worn out and are still clean. Also added that I wouldn't want any stuffed animals from the second hand store because of hygiene. So she still has the option to buy cheaper things, it's more sustainable that way if she can't hold back and she already loves thrifting so it's a win win. This will be her first grandchild 🤣

Is she going to be over a lot? Because they could all just go right to goodwill

Mother in law means she's not your mother and you have a husband that has to deal with his own mother's bs. Products from Temu are unregulated and of incredibly bad quality. I would never dress a kid in their fabrics it or allow it to play with their toys.

Your husband must tell her to stop buying stuff from temu end of story. This is not your battle.

My mum has started to buy us items, all from Temu 🙃🙃 My husband wants to get a lead testing kit to hopefully find some and stop her from buying more

lol my MIL does the same thing and always has! She gets things from the dollar tree. Most of the things we genuinely can’t find useful because they break or they leak or don’t absorb whatever the item is. So… we donate. She never asks. But I don’t want to call her out. She doesn’t have much money. I try to find some use of things. Like some baby items become accessories for my toddler’s baby dolls etc. until they break.

MIL does this. I put a stop to the Temu junk. If any of it still comes into the house it goes in the garbage.

my mother is the exact same as d constantly buys temu junk for my daughter and baby and honestly i just keep throwing them in the bin. she doesn’t listen to me when i tell her i don’t want that shit so i’ve just given up. hopefully you’ll have better luck 🫶🏻

Unless there’s a chance a conversation will change her behavior just throw the gifts away. Don’t feel even an iota of guilt. She’s giving you a chore.

My mother in law isn’t as bad but she buys a lot of clearance items that aren’t our taste or we don’t need or poor quality items. My husband and I have tried talking to her but it doesn’t change anything so I’ve given up. Anything nice enough I donate, anything cheapo I throw away.

Wasn't there recently an issue with toxic chemicals found in children's clothes from temu? This would be my main concern. Perhaps make a wishlist and have mil only buy from there.

Our baby (now 10MO) has sensitive skin. We have to only buy 100% cotton for her. You can try to use this as the reason you need higher quality stuff and will donate anything else

This is my exact nightmare. My MIL went wild when she heard we were pregnant, and bought (almost) the whole shebang.

Worst one she got were some baby bottles, which did not survive the stream sanitizer. (The bottom of the bottles developed some warping).

I thought, this can't be normal. I told my husband, and he said "But it's made of silicone, you said that's what you wanted"

"The nipples were silicone, but the bottle itself is made of plastic. I also don't remember telling your mom I wanted her to buy bottles." I told her, incase she wanted to buy bottles, that the nipples should be made of silicone. I did not think she would buy them from.. God knows where.

Husband insisted the bottles were made of silicone. Then his mother insisted as well. But silicone does not behave like this?? I had to find the freaking PET icon for plastic and take a picture of the warped icon on the bottom of the bottle for comparison.

When I told her about the warping, she said, "oh, maybe the bottle isn't meant to be steam sterilized". How else then am I supposed to clean them? Isn't having the option to sterilize the bottle supposed to be default?

I told my husband "I don't want to keep these bottles, i don't feel comfortable". We argue before we decide in the end to throw them away. He sighs and mutters under his breath, "It's a shame, these were good bottles" before chucking them in the trash. He does not get it.

When I bring up the dangers of cancer from plastics and chemicals, we have a whole argument as to why I'm overreacting. He somehow thinks it's more important not to offend his mom, than it is to protect our child. He doesn't believe me! Like. Hello. My mom had cancer. I know people who got cancer by drinking from warped plastic water bottles left in a hot car.

I can tell which of bub's clothes are from Temu. They are made of polyester, and they catch fiber from the washing machine like crazy.

Anyways, sorry I went on a tangent. I think Temu victims need a support group or something. I need to tell my MIL to stop buying clothes from temu, but it's so hard when we don't even speak the same language.

lol show her how it’s shit. Laugh about the missing buttons and broken books, then say “don’t waste your money. Open the LO a 529 instead!!” Grandparents love investing in baby’s future

My mother does this, I just put it on quickly take a photo and take it off lol I hate temu 😅

20 things for $100 is still $100. Tell her directly. There’s no point in keeping junk or having her waste money on things you won’t use.

It‘s pretty common knowledge at this point that temu toys and clothes are not safe. Just tell her that every time they have testet Temu products most of them have come back as harmful.

This was me over Christmas!! We have a registry but my MIL just buys whatever Amazon stuff she sees from random Chinese brands. Of course with no gift receipts. I’m sorry but I totally understand what you’re going through and have yet to find a solution. We are also in our late 30s and can afford higher quality items.

I had to have the Temu talk with my MIL. I educated her how many items are heavily laced with lead and I will not have anyone in my household with that crap. She understood

Anyone who buys me temu items gets thrown out or given away , I don’t mess with lead contamination or child labor. Temu, wish, SHEIN, all of it. It’s not worth risking your baby’s health. The clothes, the toys, especially anything you put in your mouth, etc are all contaminated. 

Temu products also have way higher than acceptable levels of lead (even after washing them) so don’t let them near your baby

Temu baby items have been found to contain lead. Also remind her that these items are so cheap because of slavery. Temu is a fucking cancer.

You’re about to be parents, it’s time to stop catering the feelings of others when it comes to your child’s safety. I do think this is a conversation for your husband to have with his mother; a very blunt conversation that you both appreciate the thought and effort but you want her to save her money as you will not be using cheap items with the baby.

Omg this is so real. I also want good quality because we plan to have more babies so it will be reused!! I told my husband to tell her we will be picking out the clothing we are just being selective for future kids so we want good quality. Blah it’s an awkward convo. We deal with it for Christmas and birthdays but we decided we need to put our foot down for our baby. It’s just a waste of money end of day we won’t use it

I had this with my own Mum too. At first I didn’t know she was buying them so when I received them I just politely said they’re not good quality and she is essentially wasting money. I said rather than her buying 10 poor quality things for £1 I would prefer x1 for £10 - quality over quantity and she was absolutely fine with this and understood once I had the conversation ❤️

Seems to be an unpopular opinion but anybody in my life who requires me walking on eggshells because they take everything personally doesn't get the luxury of tact or diplomacy from me. I'm the type to say thanks and immediately put it in the trash can in front of them. There is no "magic words" with these types of people. They value their own joy in shopping more than the recipient's feelings. I don't exist to receive your temu shopping sprees so that you can feel good at my expense. I don't worry about their feelings because I find their actions offensive.

My FIL is the opposite. Buying items worth hundred from Dolce and Gabbana, Fendi etc. They all go straight into a separate drawer, ready to be resold. They're awful looking. Personally, I'd be binning the clothes.

My MIL does this and while it bothered me at first, now I just thank her for the gifts and move on. Some are cute enough for our gal to wear and others I give away. It’s just not a battle I want to have.

My mother in law consistently buys my daughter things from the goodwill and i know she means well but the majority have stains and are dark colored because of so much use. She also keeps buying sizes two times smaller. I have been handing garbage bag fulls to my mother and only keep a shirt so she knows “I’m using them”. My mom has been donating them to this lady who has smaller kids than my daughter we tell her we have enough but she just loves spending money. She keeps buying wooden toys that has missing parts as well. I live in a small apartment too and im pregnant. Idk what to do right now on space. Im already stressed how many baby stuff she is going to start buying. Just accept and throw it out, it’s cheap anyways. Maybe give it to someone else who will use them? I hate saying no to my mil because she gets irritated but I do too 😭too much stuff i dont need

Nod and smile and then bin or donate the items you don’t want. Or do what I’d do which is tell her you’d rather she buy nothing than buy cheap and dangerous shit. Would probably sound better coming from her own son than DIL though.

My mum said she would get some stuff off temu and I shut that down real quick and said please don’t cause I will throw it out. She asked why and I told her that they are cheaply made and you don’t know what chemicals are used all over the fabrics. So she hasn’t gotten anything from them thankfully but she does work at TK Max so she comes home with new outfits every shift 😅

I had the same issue with clothes gifted to me by my in-laws. The sizing was majorly off, they were scratchy and had rough seams, mostly buttons instead of zippers and just felt poorly constructed. That’s not to say things made in China are always this quality but SHEIN/Temu are notorious for catfishing their product quality, so I’m sure they looked very cute and high quality in photos but sadly didn’t reflect so in person. They also ordered the most random sizes like 9-12 months, 18 months, seasonal clothes like heavy nylon coats which are meant to be worn in winter but if it doesn’t align with their age it’s a waste. I think out of the 6 outfits they gave she maybe wore 2 once or twice and then they just fell apart or were too small to rewear more. The rest got lost in the mix because they were so much bigger and then just were never worn. I’m 1000% certain they could have bought clothes for a similar price point that would have been night and day difference in quality if they just went to a local Walmart or Winners/Marshall.

I have a similar MIL and I told her that we made the decision to put our baby only in 100% cotton clothes. That makes it so it’s not about the brands and she can buy from wherever she wants as long as it’s cotton. She has forgotten a time or two and I have my husband remind her at that point “hey remember we’re only doing 100% cotton. We don’t want you wasting money on something we won’t use.” It has worked really well and doesn’t hurt feelings, but she definitely isn’t buying as much as she would have without that barrier and that’s okay for us.

My MIL is like this so much so she was buying maternity items for me as well. I struggle with textures and how things feel on my skin especially during pregnancy. At one point, I had my SIL bring up weird pregnancy symptoms and she asked about any of mine and I shared that. I stopped getting clothes after that but the baby clothes kept coming.

Honestly we just grin and bear it, it’s not worth the fight for me and we wash it as soon as we get it. Half the time it does fall apart before we even put it on our child and then we tell her honestly that it didn’t hold up in the wash. The other half that does hold up gets put in the bottom of the closet until baby is “too big”. It’s gotten better and she’s been purchasing less from those sites lately

Tell her you appreciate the thought and sentiment, but for safety reasons, you won't be able to use those items for your baby. The safety and security of your baby comes before a grown adults feelings. I definitely wouldn't be putting my baby in temu clothing, it's all probably made of pure plastic😬

My MIL is a functional hoarder and gifted my kids bubble bath and soap she bought for my husband and “forgot” to give to him. It was from the 90’s!!!! I just threw it away when she left. No way that’s going near my baby’s skin. In general, if there’s something unsafe someone gives my kids I just thank them and toss it. If I’m asked about it I say we do a toy rotation and some toys are stored away. I’m also a people pleaser(working on it) and a conflict avoider. In a perfect world I would just say something about the quality/safety.

Honestly… If you don’t want to cause any bad blood because you are going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life (which is the case for many people in this situation lol) I would probably physically take her to baby stores with you and point out the cheapest clothing options available and praise how much baby likes them. And then make an effort to have the baby wearing them in front of her.

She may be relying on Temu because she cannot afford other things, and the stuff on Temu is very cute even if she cannot tell the quality is bad.

I am in the exact same boat; late 30s, husband and I expecting first in March, and it will be the first grandbaby for my in-laws. MIL is so excited and has spent thousands on stuff that is truly unusable, poor quality, and is cluttering our house. She is also very sensitive to perceived ingratitude, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
We are just unboxing stuff carefully so that we can hopefully re-box it and donate it after a couple photos with the baby using it, and keeping tags on clothes so we can sell to consignment or donate. It's a tightrope between not wanting to have the baby use cheap or unsafe stuff, and preserving her feelings.

This is actually one of our concerns right now. We’re pretty particular about what we eat and use ourselves, and that only feels more important with a baby on the way. I also wouldn’t say either set of parents is especially careful about the quality of the products they use, which adds to the concern. We genuinely would prefer no gift at all over something low quality or potentially unsafe for our baby.

Early on we told all the parents that we totally understand how excited they are, but please don’t buy anything for the baby unless we ask. If they really want to get something, we said we can send a short list to choose from. Our excuse was limited space and not wanting them to waste their money.

It’s a tiny white lie, but we’re hoping it saves everyone from awkward situations and resentment later on.

Temu baby clothes and toys have been found to contain lead. There are various official warnings and articles. My step mother kept dumping boxes of cheap sh*t on us that we did not ask for and I finally just sent a text with an article link, stating the items were not safe for baby and I was disappointed to have to trash them since I couldn’t live with myself if I donated them to another unknowing family.

You may also have good luck including ‘approved’ brands and stores. I told step mom what toy brands and clothing brands were okay. She continued to shop (albeit less because she was paying regular prices for things that are regulated and just cost more since the quality is better). Used what we wanted, donated what we didn’t.

I wish I had sent her the baby registry later than everyone else because she did a huge buy out and didn’t leave much for anyone else to buy. So maybe keep that in mind when you get your registry in order and published 😂

Tell her you appreciate the thought but you are freaked out about baby safety so you only want to dress your baby in OKEO-TEX Standard 100 clothing to make sure it is safe.

My MIL did this too. But instead of $100+ worth of stuff she bought us 2 onesies and 2 plastic bowls from dollarama or dollar tree. We nipped it in the bud REAL quick. My husband called and told her we don't feel comfortable with stuff from those stores. She then rebutted that it's the last time she'll be buying anything for the babies (lol promise?). Then my FIL claimed we only like name brand stuff (not true, just stuff without lead in them lol). After he got off the phone, I found an article that says baby stuff is toxic from dollarama and he sent it over. After seeing that she was much less defensive.

I completely get this. My MIL is the same way. We have had the conversation with her about safety and quality versus saving money, but my MIL didn’t listen and still buys most of her gifts from temu. At this point we say thank you, grumble all the way home, and throw it away or donate it to goodwill. It sucks! But I can’t compromise safety for my MIL’s sake.

Download the Capital One shopping extension on her device and show her the Carter’s website. They often have deals that make the clothing almost free. Maybe she will get into finding deals on good things. Also, Target has decent items and they are frequently on sale.

I did buy a few pj onesies from Temu, only bought if it was 100% cotton and used them very frequently. They were quite good. But I understand she may not be looking at that. You’ll just have to speak to her about it. I don’t mind ‘cheap’ clothes for my child because all they do is spit up on it and eventually just make it filthy. I love me a good Walmart find. But it has to be 100% cotton. My son runs really hot so polyester is a no.

Not sure where you are based but I would look with a healthy dose of skepticism at stuff from temu or cheap US based manufacturing.

Be safe and buy from EU based manufacturers

lol my Dad went through this EXACT same phase. Basically if most of theses are new born clothes you can just do several at home photoshoots or choose a few days when baby will be with the grandparent to put them in the outfits, then pack them up for donations. Just be frank and say “ Mom we have lots of stuff for baby let’s wait until he or she gets here before buying anymore because I’ll need your help purchasing (insert a larger ticket item).” I had my Dad go half for an expensive stroller /car seat combo and that ended the TEMU buying spree.

Just blame your baby doctor. Say Temu is unfortunately been listed as unsafe but you appreciate her effort. Point her to other stores if she wants to help out in the future

i’d tell her goodwill / thrifting is 100x better for baby clothes! they have so much organic cotton and 100% cotton options, all for $1.99. no shame in telling her you don’t want those

Whatever you do, DO NOT use that stuff for your baby.

In my country (The Netherlands) they tested lots of toys and baby stuff from Temu and almost everything contained dangerous chemicals (cancer causing chemicals, hormone disruptors, just horrible stuff) And most of the stuff was generally unsafe with loose small pieces etc. It's criminal that they sell this stuff to people. And the way those apps work is just causing a gambling/buying addiction in many.

Some people have pointed out Temu’s recalls and this is what my husband and I told his grandma! Bless her heart but she has a temu addiction lol we told her we were not comfortable with Temu items because they can bypass a ton of health standards which allows a load of toxic chemicals and metals to be engrained IN the toys and fiber of clothes and that we did not want to risk the health of our baby with those clothes. She seemed sad but was receptive and understanding that our child’s health was our main concern and she cared more about that than showering her in possibly dangerous clothes and toys. Focus on the health concerns! It can help her realize that’s the priority she should care about too :) best of luck

This is a cautionary tale, I hope I’m not projecting but I thought I’d share my experience with how determental Temu/overconsumption/unchecked mental health has been to my family.

I have the same issue but with my own mother. Even before I was pregnant my mom was obsessed and kept buying me clothes and just pure junk from Temu. She has probably spent tens of thousands of dollars that she doesn’t have since temu opened.

My moms issues lean more on the mental health side (she on long term disability for severe arthritis and other issues, bored and clinically depressed, on a lot medication, probably has ocd, has a very defensive and combative personality). I’ve been trying my best over the years to get her to realize how unhealthy her spending has been, how poorly made these items are and how toxic they are. But she refuses to believe it and uses it to look generous and thoughtful, aligns it with being a good person. Takes it as a personal attack if you say how shitty Temu is. I personally believe temu marketing is criminal and how they keep consumers on the app needs to be studied.

Because my mom is so combative, and nothing has worked in the past, my strategy now is to use tough love. Anytime she buys something I refuse it, throw it out, say how bad and ugly it is and how much they stink like chemicals. I ask her how much money she spent and what a waste it is. And it’s not like 1 item, temu gives her free suitcases all the time and she buys clothes and junk to fill them and gives them to me! I’ve probably thrown out 10 suitcases full of clothes so far. The last thing I did before really giving up was making excel sheet showing her how much money she spends. I thought maybe she just needs help understanding the financial impact it was having. Half her income was going to Temu and then being donated or put into the landfill. What a shame it was. But she kept doing it.

In a way i was trying to embarrass her, she’s a very prideful person and refuses to admit anything is wrong, so embarrassment seems to be the only thing that got to her. I feel really really mean and extreme at time (I’ve gone months without talking to her) because I know deep down she means well and she’s just suffering mentally but I couldn’t accept how wasteful she was being, spending all of her money and then asking me or other family members for money to pay bills. It was consuming her. It got to a point where she couldn’t store the clothes in her house anymore and she owed people too much money.

And me being her only daughter (I have a brother and a dad but they gave up years ago), I was newly married, trying for a baby and I was giving up on her. She lend on me so much before and now I had an “excuse” to not support her anymore. The last thing she did was ask me to send her money without my husband knowing and for me it was the final straw. She was also in a one sided competition (like another commenter mentioned) with my MIL who is really a very chill and thoughtful person clueless to the issues my mom has. My mom was making up drama and tension where there wasn’t any. Now that I’m refusing Temu baby clothes and toys she gives me, she’s becoming more nasty towards me, saying I have a big head blah blah blah because I said I only want non-toxic organic clothing and toys and I just don’t care anymore. Luckily my dad has stepped in after I made it clear that all of these issues were going to affect their relationship with their only grandchild if something isn’t done.

Since getting married but especially after getting pregnant I really don’t care anymore to protect my mom’s feelings. Harsh and I wish I had a better relationship with my mom but this is where I’m at. This is just a small glimpse into the many other issues that probably explain our dynamic better. But I really feel Temu played a big role in surfacing a lot of mental health issues in my mom.

Sorry this probably didn’t give you a solution to your particular situation. I probably would have handled things differently if the issue was with my MIL and not my own mother. I hope you’re able to speak to your partner and they are able to support you and take the lead in dealing with their own mother in a way that doesn’t affect your relationship with your MIL or make you out to be the bad guy.

Best of luck.

I’m dealing with this from my own mother. Your husband has to talk to her. It is his mother. If he can’t do it that’s when you step in. But it is most effective from him. I am constantly on top of my mother and making it clear that we aren’t accepting junk. It helps that I have access to her Amazon account and I simply return things that’s she sends to us on my own. If I didn’t talk to my mom and deal with it myself we would be drowning in useless things.

We get a lot of stuff from my mil and 40% or more doesn't work and has to be thrown out. Occasional treasures. I get the temptation to not say anything, we've done it occasionally, but if I know off the bat we won't use it we're usually pretty firm about saying no this will not get used. Sometimes she can return or regift, and it really seems so silly for them to spend hundreds of dollars on the worst possible quality stuff when that could have gone towards things that last and get used, even handed down.

It's a very sensitive topic, if her kid can be quite firm then you'll have to address it less often.

As others have said, I had a very sincere but direct conversation and it changed absolutely nothing. We both agreed that temu/Amazon brands are; full of unregulated or unknown chemicals, cheap/breakable=unsafe, likely full of lead. The WHOLE THING.

Following week she brought over random amalgam of letters Amazon brand toys. I tried asking where it came from a few times and she snapped at me. So now it all gets tossed or put in a donation pile.

She buys so much, I don't think she even notices. The hard part is, if she actually spent the money on one good thing, it would be so helpful to us because we don't have a lot of support. I have to let that one go. It's no use. She's going to whatever she wants anyway. So I just plan accordingly. 🤷‍♀️

Literally same girl

Do we have the same sensitive self centered MIL? Lol. My mother in law is also like this. Except she only purchases cheap things ONLU for our baby because she doesn’t like to spend lots of money on anyone but herself. Mind you she makes plenty of money not to skimp but she’s never been generous so she does it because of other reasons besides “cute and cheap.” I’ve washed some stuff that has bled through and dyed other cuter baby items I have - that really annoyed me. I’ve since then told her no more clothes and that he has plenty already, and if she’s wanting to buy anything we would love some toys. This helps her not get her feelings hurt either because she also would respond just how your MIL does in situations like this.

I’ve also donated some of what she gifted. Which sounds harsh but I’m not drying my baby off with a microfiber towel.

I was ready to roll my eyes but WHAT— temu is crazy and even dangerous for baby items! Tell her the truth. 😅

I agree with being frank and letting your husband handle it, but he can also send her articles on Temu. I typed "Temu Controversy" into Google and a bunch of articles appeared. It puts it in a way that she just didn't know how bad this company was and that's OK, but now she knows and is aware you won't be using anything from that company.

Unfortunately it is best to set boundaries early on. My mom was similar with trying to send me things we just didn’t need or want and was stressing me out. Ultimately for my own sanity I stopped talking to her. My husband kept her in the loop for a while.

Boundaries are hard but it is something you will need to learn as a new parent. Better to start now and have less stress later.

My MIL does this too. She buys cheap and she buys bulk. It’s especially annoying bc she’s poor and should just keep her money for herself. She just gets so much joy out of shopping for the baby it’s very hard to stop her. For us it’s not even about the stuff being poor quality, it’s that it’s totally wasteful. My MIL is a tough cookie so we ended up having to donate essentially everything she gave us to charity to get her to stop/prove we were serious about not accepting an accumulation of useless junk. 

Ask your husband to talk to his mom and let her know that you so appreciate her generosity but that these are not things you guys want/need for the baby. See how she takes it. 

I think it’s a boomer/gen x thing with temu. Predatory algorithmic marketing is coming at them all the time. This is another similar convo to have w her. She’s in a vulnerable consumer group that will spend and spend on cheap items for grandkids and until she stops they’ll keep throwing ads at her. 

Try mentioning to her that you’re really trying to stick to natural materials like cotton for clothes and wood for toys. Also say smth like you don’t have a lot of storage space and are trying to be mindful of not overcluttering the space and not creating additional waste for the planet.

My MIL will at times give us items we have literally no use for. I'm not ungrateful for it, it is nice of her, but..... honestly its stuff she would throw away if no one else took it.

I have tried countless times gently saying oh we don't need this, etc. We won't use it, it may get thrown away.

I have resorted to literally throwing stuff away or giving it away to someone that actually needs it 🤷‍♀️ if she ever asks I remind her oh yeah we did not need it or weren't planning on using it. She gives us less random stuff and asks more now lol.

It still happens, but now I have no guilt over throwing stuff away anymore bc I tell her up front. Its definitely annoying, but it is what it is. I think she genuinely feels like she is helping. So if she chooses to give me stuff after I have literally said I don't need it, it will just end up in the trash.

If you bring it up your MIL may listen to you. These are my 2 cents in case she does not. 🤣

Set the boundaries now or you’ll regret it at 4 yr old birthday party.

Therapy had to be done before I even allowed them back in our lives. Trust me, do it before they’re born.

My MIL did this too luckily with the items that weren’t clothing I just told my husband we had too many stuff and weren’t probably going to be used and he talked to her about it and gave her the stuff back to return it. The clothing however I’m hoping to just get a picture of my baby in it and that’s it or hopefully by the time she can fit in it my MIL forgets lol but I think I’m just going to have to tell her not to buy the baby anymore clothes we have too much

Yeah I would break this habit now. Tell her how it is and that you’ll donate anything you won’t use. I did this and had no problem following through bc everyone was warned lol

Oh goodness I’m sorry

Is she around constantly? If not, I’d be donating useable stuff or donating unsafe items so fast.

Just give it all away on buy nothing groups. If she’s sensitive, but she’ll be helpful with baby then keep her happy imo. You don’t want to burn the bridges that provide baby sitting in the future.

We emphasized to friends and family that being conscious consumers is important to us. That meant we wanted to avoid excessive stuff and encouraged buying secondhand and open box like from Goodbuy Gear (and maybe also overstating how little closet space our house has). Our motivation was getting out ahead of excessive clutter, but I could see it working as a diplomatic way of saying no more excessive cheap stuff.

Ugh Temu is yucky. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s really tough when you have someone who is overly sensitive and you have to stress about how they will act when you talk to them. Frankly I think it’s a type of narcissism.

I would just tell her how much you appreciate it but that you are concerned she is wasting her money as many of the items are unusable. Maybe show her? Have her check out Carters. They have great prices, super cute things, and the baby clothing is eco friendly. Maybe tell her that you would love anything she picks out from there, anything she thinks would be cute. Or you could give her a task. Tell her you need XYZ and give her some parameters (sizes, which stores, zipper or snap, etc.) and let her have some fun picking stuff out. She may actually appreciate some guidance.

I have a sweet friend who has offered to give me her hand me downs. I love hand me downs! The problem is she washes all her clothing is the world’s strongest smelling laundry detergent… it’s terrible. Sometimes I have a hard time hugging her as it just makes me sick and burns my eyes. There is no way I will be able to wash that fragrance out of the clothes. I have tried talking to her about reducing fragrances in her home as she has some health issues, but I don’t think she took to it. I don’t want to offend her but I literally can’t have her stuff in my home. It’s hard when people mean well but it just doesn’t work for you.

Awww how sweet. I'm sure she means well. Reminds me of my husbands father. I had to make him aware I would never allow my son to wear anything but cotton. Maybe approach it from a health and safety perspective and make her aware of how toxic cheap fabrics could be for your babies health.

Have the conversation now. It won't stop if you don't put a end to it. My MIL buys us soo many dump cheap toys. Even after having the conversation. I literally have told her "everytime you want to buy something, just put $1 in a savings account" for holidays we specifically ask for investment into her savings or an experience.

Find an article on the harmful stuff they put in their items, or even blame your pediatrician. When it comes to toys, anything that isn’t BPA-free is an immediate no and something she can look for. Maybe give her example of stores you’d like to get things from

I too have this problem with my in-laws. I’ve told them numerous times to stop and get ignored. I donate anything that isn’t a hazard and toss the rest

A lot of cheap products like that have leads and other chemicals in them I would use that as a example, basically just explain youre grateful but you dont feel comfortable using products you dont know are 100% safe for baby. If she trys to make it about trying to be a good grandmother well she should cate about babies well being. Its pointless to waste money on things youre never going to use and she should want the money going to something worth it.

Get used to having conversations like this with people about your children. Once she is born, your brain will switch and it will become easier. It's your job to advocate and protect your children, and to uphold your boundaries. Be firm mama :)

Sorry, but you have to nip this in the bud or it will continue and possibly escalate. And your husband should definitely be the one to have the conversation with her.

I have a hoarder MIL and we had to have a similar conversation, it did not go well. But we told her there are items we actually need and she needs to ask what we need before buying/ bringing random stuff.

For normal people, this should be acceptable. For all my family this is an acceptable boundary that i didn't even have to set. For my MIL, she is a hoarder and possibly has other mental health issues. So it was really hard, she pitched a huge fit and acted like we'd severed a limb. Sometimes she still storms out when we tell her no about something. And she still never asks what we need, but she has stopped bringing random (large, old, dirty bug infested) stuff over every time she visits.

The real consequence for her not asking what we need, whether she realizes it or not, is that she will never have the joy of seeing her grandson play with something she bought. For instance, at Christmas this year one of the things she brought was a tiny, very old, rocking horse... that was dirty and had bugs on it. It immediately went outside. She also got a ride on cheap plastic train, cute in theory, but my son is too advanced for such a thing and we got him a bike. Had she asked us or paid attention to what we'd said he'd like, it might be a different story.

Point is, if she's a stable individual, she will understand. She might be disappointed, but she'll understand. If she's not stable, it will be harder, but it's even more important to hold that boundary.

Best of luck! Remember, you get to decide what your child needs, no one else. You are in charge of protecting your child and their environment, don't let anyone take that from you or make you think otherwise.

My MIL did the same for our first, but I will say she got nicer quality items for the most part. For the parts that weren’t as nice; our baby would just wear when she was around; or we’d put baby in like 2-3 different outfits and send a picture saying thank you & didn’t mention that they’re in the back of the closet when we were desperate cause baby clothes are still in the dryer.

My wise sister told me it’s ok to dump gifts that you don’t want because I was giving out about a really weird toy someone bought my child… I hadn’t actually thought about it a simply before then!

lol this is my life. I won’t put my baby in cheap feeling materials or polyester. I have said so many times I want cotton materials for him and she continues to buy temu like stuff or random second hand. So many cheap looking toys lol. My husband should say something but won’t so I just eventually donate it🤷‍♀️

I would just smile and say thank you, but wouldn't use it. Maybe I'd throw it one when she's visiting just to make her happy but other than that, I probably wouldn't make my kid wear it. But that's just me lol