I am just about 17 weeks with my first baby (it's a girl!) and I am still really struggling physically and mentally. I was so nauseous the entire first trimester but never threw up. It's hard to know how bad things are in the grand scheme of things and I feel like I did a lot of gaslighting myself, convincing myself that I didn't actually feel that bad and I was just being lazy and using nausea as an excuse for everything. Everyone kept telling me that I just had to make it through the first trimester and I would feel so much better! But at 12 weeks the nausea turned into gagging and vomiting. Don't get me wrong, I am no longer struggling with 24/7 nausea like I had in 1st trimester, but now all of a sudden at the most random moments I am hit with the urge to gag and 8/10 times it leads to vomiting. I'm pretty sure if I think hard enough I can vomit on command lol. I get nauseous in the middle of nearly every meal.
On top of that I am struggling with negative body image (I am in therapy for this) and just a lot of anxiety about the weight gain that's to come and what I'm going to look like postpartum. I know I can't possibly predict what will happen when it's all over and I know it's not reasonable to ruminate over "what if's" but yet here I am....it doesn't help that it seems like every pregnant person I know as only gained weight in their belly and mine has been all over!
On top of THAT lol I am feeling so much guilt about how useless I've been...no energy to exercise, walk, or clean up around the house. Our house is a fucking mess.
I guess I just need to let it all out to people who may know what I'm going through! My husband can only support me through so much.
Yeah pregnancy fucking sucks for most women. When I was pregnant and complaining, a coworker told me that she loveeeed being pregnant and felt beautiful and sexy the entire time.. i wanted to slap her. The first trimester is typically the hardest one, and nothing in your life will ever compare to the exhaustion of the first trimester. In a year you’ll look back and forget how hard it was, in the grand scheme of things, it’s a year of hell but the reward is a gorgeous little baby that’ll bring you so much joy for the next 30+ years.
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All I can say is: you're not alone!! It's so easy to get in your own head about everything that's changing and affecting you during pregnancy. You're doing your best, whatever that looks like, while doing something you've NEVER DONE BEFORE! Try to remember that! Wishing you the best of luck ❤️❤️