(Sorry, a bit of a long post.) So, I had essentially been LC with my sister for over a year, and then NC with her since May because of a string of emotional abuse towards family.This is nothing new, but my mother is getting older and it's been really affecting her health more and more. Since not seeing her, I think it was the first time in awhile that we felt at ease.

In November, my mother had a seizure. My nephew initially called me in a panic, but I didn't pick up the first time because I was at work. So in his panic, he did call my sister. I can't blame him really, but I wish he hadn't, because then it just opened things up for her to come back in our lives and sure enough, she was here for Christmas. My mom allowed for it, again, because of the health scare.

It more or less starts with her being apologetic and tearful about her behavior (she wasn't being specific) and said that she had been sober for 9 months and 22 days (it didn't add up to the timeline of events, but whatever). We congratulated her and I told her that yeah, it'll take time for us to fully open up because we never know what version of her we are going to get. She says that me saying that hurts, but she is glad that I said that.

As the day progresses, I notice that she is starting to act a bit erratically again. Gaslighting my mom's memory, making snide comments about the dog, about me, etc. I notice that a wine box is missing from where my mom keeps her alcohol (we did not drink this holiday and she doesn't typically steal alchohol) and that my sister is frequently going to the bathroom. I decide to go and check, and sure enough, the wine box is behind the dryer. I was mad, but in the past, I know that calling her out usually ended in big fights. I told myself that I would just try to greyrock, etc.

But at one point, I just couldn't take it anymore. For whatever reason, she starts speaking with a Jamaican accent and using slang (we are Black, but not Jamaican) and starts making snide comments about former teachers or mine and my current friends for no reason, and she was making vague threats about our dog. Also accused me of being a gambler because I got everyone a scratch card, something that we have always done for stocking stuffers.

So I just flatly tell her "You know how I told you how I never know what version I am going to get of you? Well, this is the one that I don't like, and I know you've been drinking, so knock it off."

I thought she was going to scream at me, but instead she just went pale and begged me not to tell mom and that she didn't know she was being mean. She then tried to come up with an excuse, but I just said "I don't want to hear excuses. Just say you're sorry, stop what you're doing and move on."

She didn't stop drinking (and she even smoked weed later on in the evening), but she did stop being super mean at least.

Anyway, I was proud that I called her out, but I do realize just how much I hate her lying and just how shitty and full of venom I feel when she's around. She is almost 50 and it feels like I'm trying to manage a teenager.

She still claims that up until that point, she had been sober for 9 months and that she was feeling triggered by us. Which is like, if that's the case, then why come? She says she doesn't want to spend another Christmas without us, but we are the reason she drinks. We've let her vent about people she doesn't like, we congratulate her on her work and studies, I try not to mention any noteworthy things in my life in case she thinks I'm trying to make her jealous...

I'm not saying that we are perfect... I just am tired of being told that we HAVE to be in her life, but if we are in her life, then we are the reason she drinks.

Anyway, every year I realize that even without the huge outbursts and yelling, I still find her to be unpleasant. Her lying and denial just feels like venom and leaves me bitter.