Hello there!
As a bit of introduction - I’m a pretty kinky guy, and chastity has been one of my kinks for a long time. I have a pretty good sex life with my partner, but due to chronic masturbation (sometimes multiple times a day, along “gooning” porn) and Death-Grip Syndrome, I’m simply unable to finish inside her. We can go at it for almost an hour, she will finish, while I still need to assume my standard masturbation position and finish with my hand. I know this is making her feel less of herself and self-conscious.
We started to think about introducing the chastity kink and the cage as a therapeutic tool to “cure” me. Our initial plan/idea involves the following:
- Complete ban on porn. If I need visual teasing, it’ll only come in the form of pictures/videos of \*her\*, to rewire my brain to associate pleasure with her instead of porn.
- Strict lock-up, no touching, no edging.
- Releases every X number of days, only for PIV sex. If I can’t cum this way, I’m going back to the cage for the next X days.
I was wondering:
What number of “X” days for this interval would you suggest? What is the good amount of time for the nerves in my penis to regenerate and regain the sensitivity?
How long will it take before my penis gets sensitive enough to be able to finish while having sex with her, without the need for frying my dopamine receptors with porn and death-grip on my cock? Is it a matter of weeks? Months? More?
Has anyone went through something like this? Did you succeed?
Is there a chance that after certain time in the cage, the sensitivity will build up to the point of causing a premature climax? I’m not worried if that’s something that will happen first couple of times after the experiment, I would even welcome it, as I know my gf would feel very validated if I came so quickly inside her, but I don’t want to risk permanent premature ejaculations.
Thanks for any input on the topic, no matter how big or small. I’ll really appreciate any advice here!
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You possibly could have nerve damage. sensation issues, whether caused by strong handing or not, can be a sign of something being genuinely wrong.
I'm not trying to fear monger, but I'd seek a doctor's advice before engaging in anything.
Edit: I'd also recommend maybe taking a stop from sex just for a little bit. A month or so, even a week at minimum. Sensation can come back after giving the flesh long enough to relax.
Thanks for the concern. To expand a bit: I have no issues climaxing when masturbating. I also feel everything, even the slightest touch to my penis head/shaft. The problem is that the sensation during PIV sex is just “not enough” to get me over the edge. I need more stimulation, both physically and visually to climax.
Thank you for further context.
If this is the case, I'd say unlearning the need for visual stimulation would also help. 3-5 days of chastity (taken off for cleaning, too, of course) would work, alongside maybe blindfolded sex included? This could help heighten sensation as it forces you to focus on the feeling rather than the seeing. Totally up to you if you'd want to incorporate that, but a buddy of mine mentioned this might help.
Thank you! That’s a brilliant idea, we will definitely give it a try!
I think seeing a doctor might be wise as well, but I would also set yourself up for success in terms of chastity. Have you worn a cage before? It generally needs a bit of time to build up to long term wear. So it might be a case of wearing for an hour the first day, then a couple of hours the next day etc. If you're also used to masturbating daily, then you might need to have sex daily to begin with too. Getting so frustrated you call the whole thing off isn't likely to feel good for you and you'll just end up in the same situation as before. It's like dieting - yes you can crash diet through sheer will power for a couple of weeks and cut everything out of your diet that brings even a speck of joy but it's not a sustainable solution. You have to slowly make changes in order for your lifestyle to change.
Edit spelling
Thanks, that’s a very considerate response. I indeed do not have much experience with long-term chastity, but I do have a lot of short-term experience. I own a lot of cages (most are impulse-driven purchases, but I like most of them) and have tried wearing many of them during 1-2 day lock-ups. We will definitely start with a warm-up period, when we will figure out over a week or two which cage is the most comfortable for this plan. And yes, your remark about frustration is very on point. We haven’t considered that aspect, or maybe fetishized the frustration as another positive factor, while it can be a negative one as well. Great comment, thank you!
... Do you happen to have ADHD? Just wondering because of you saying impulse buying and to be honest dopamine seeking due to masturbation wouldn't be unusual either.
I’ve never checked, so if I do, it’s undiagnosed. But the signs are there, I also tend to have the superpower of procrastinating until the deadline for something is dangerously close, then activating the multitasking superpower and finishing everything in time lol… Do you think it could have something to do with my lack of ability to climax during PIV intercourse?
https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-sexual-problems
Possibly?
That’s interesting… thanks for mentioning it. Apart from the chastity experiment, we will look into it from this perspective as well. Maybe it’s finally time to get it diagnosed (if it really is ADHD) and potentially solve two problems at once.
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Please don't. People are not allowed to advertise on this subreddit. That user now has a permanent ban.
Ooh, I’m so sorry… I feel really bad, is it okay if I advocate in their defense? They initially did not offer anything, I feel as I coerced them to advertise their services. Their initial message didn’t sound as an ad to me. I would hate to be the reason someone gets in trouble just because I asked too much…
Much like in kink, everyone has a personal responsibility to read and follow the rules. She should a) have been using an alt account unrelated to her sex work and b) said no, she doesn't pick up clients on this subreddit. Thank you for your apology though. I'm going to remove your comments too though, as now I look at them they're kinda breaking rule 7.
I won't give you a ban, but please read over all our rules to make sure you don't break anything. You can find them linked in every automod comment and on the front page of the subreddit
Understandable. Thank you, I will make sure to follow the rules.
Whoops should have read both your comments before I asked you to use an alt here.
Rule 3 and 9. Permanent ban issued.
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Edit:
Whoops should have read both your comments before I asked you to use an alt here. Promoting your sex work business is very much against our rules here.
Rule 3 and 9. Permanent ban issued.
First off, you need to build up. You probably won’t be able to wear it for any length of time at first. It’s especially important to find a properly sized one. You should search for guides to help with that. Generally it’s good to start with a silicone or plastic one that has different size rings and is adjustable to try and figure it out. Don’t jump to buying a custom cage right off the bat.
You will need to find the right size and then learn what you can handle. It’s much more daunting than you expect to wear it more than a few days. You will need to take it off to clean. My Ma’am prefers to watch me shower when I have mine off to make sure I wash only.
I find it to sometimes make me constantly aware of myself but I have no way to get to it and take care of things. It drives me nuts. 😆
Once it’s out it feels very sensitive but I don’t feel like I’m changed in any way. It can be difficult to get an erection for a little while if you’ve worn it for extended periods but this resolves in a bit.
Thanks! I do have experience with short term chastity and own multiple cages, but never worn one for more than 1-2 days at a time. For sure we will start with a warm-up period to evaluate which cage sits best for long-term.
I found that cages that are much smaller than I thought I needed work the best.
Yeah, I too noticed that I had the least amount of issues when wearing smaller ones during the short-term activities.