Last night she said "slap my face". So I did, and she saw stars.
That means hit her hard enough to jiggle things around in that lovely head and that can lead to a concussion.
My sub enjoys being smacked around. The problem is that she squirms and flinches. She seeks fear. This makes aiming difficult and application of force uncertain. A potential miss can hit bone, ear or even the eye - bruises, ruptured ear drum, detached retina are things to be avoided.
The only way I can be sure to get it right is by surprise. I quick smack to the cheek on a 45-ish degree angle makes a nice sound, stings, but doesn't actually transfer that much force. The indignation in her eyes is so satisfying. Not every moment can be a surprise though. Sometimes I know it's necessary to apply force because I can feel her craving it. She knows that I know. Which means she is anticipating and on guard.
So my dear reader I'm looking for advice on how to land a slap accurately or for safer alternatives. Would love to hear about your own experiences as well. Thank you in advance.
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You could tell her she's about to be slapped, lift your hand as though you're about to hit her face to watch her squirm in anticipation etc, then slap somewhere safer on her body. Or blindfold her and restrain her so she can't move or anticipate when it's coming so you have a safer target. Or start with little playful taps to the face first as she's getting warmed up then go heavy handed with impact on her butt, thighs or upper back.
I would feel very uncomfortable hitting a sub in the face with any kind of force if there was such a high risk of missing the cheek. Making the sub 'see stars' is too close to a concussion or other serious injury.
I like the idea of feigning a slap followed by delivering a smack to a safer spot.
You can hold the other side of the face so that when you land your slap, not nearly as forcefully as what you did before, the head is not jilted. It's nice too because it has another element of control by restricting the head's movement, but it's also a safety feature. Obviously, you're going to have to hit lighter than what you're hitting. But I find that holding the other side of the face can make a big difference. It's great that you caught on immediately, it shows that you are paying attention and you know that it was not good the way it went down. So don't feel too bad, everybody learns, it's great that you are seeking help.
Holding the other side of the face also grounds you with the person. If the person moves, you will feel it. The signal of them having moved is usually quicker to your brain with physical touch vs looking.
I was in a rough body play workshop with the great educators Mr.O and Ropey Bunny and they suggested that the person who does the slap holds the sub's lower back of the head with the thumb on the cheek and the wrist kinda touching the neck. (Sorry I'm having a hard time describing it!)
Also we have been taught to use only 2 or 3 fingers to slap the cheek with the other hand. It doesn't take much in this region of the body. The idea is not to cause harm but to shock the person.
Also make sure to talk about the possible consequences of face slapping in your negotiation and make sure both parties can live with the fact that there might be a black eye or bruises. Will the sub have to go to work the next day?
There are definitely some things to keep in mind about slapping. One is that he shouldn’t be using full force and two is that proper technique involves hitting with your fingers more than your palm.
Because I was injured one of the first times we did it, the person I kink with now usually just says to me "close your mouth" and I know that means a slap is coming, and it sends a huge wave of fear, anticipation, and excitement through me. It telling me to close my mouth means that I automatically lift my face, make sure it's clear of any obstructions, close my mouth, and make myself so still, bracing for the impact. From the words leaving its lips, to receiving the slap, takes around 3 seconds. It's perfect.
That's smart and awesome!
My husband quite enjoys doing MMA. He has also told me horror stories from fighting (not him directly but in warning of the potential outcomes of slapping the face) and one wrong hit to the temple can cause much more lethal outcomes than just stars. He will never slap my face because of the things he learned during his training. For all the risks you listed plus the potential of it being lethal or causing brain damage. About all he will do is a three finger tap, literal tap that does not have any force behind it at all.
I have heard that there are ways to mitigate the risks of the slap, I know I have read them on this subreddit before so you might consider searching for "face slapping" and variations thereof.
If alternative locations are up for grabs, breasts can be a great thing to slap around. Obviously the ass is as well since very popular for spanking, etc. Thighs are actually rather sturdy and a number of times my husband has surprised me with the strength he can get behind that slap to leave a handprint shaped bruise on my inner thigh. We have had much fun finding other places to slap that can have more fun outcomes for us.
Appreciate this info. I'm hoping to tone thing down enough to not pose such risks.
I just basically tap their cheek. Can make some sound with very little force. If it got even a little red I fucked up. IMO it should be a shock thing not a pain thing. I’m not hurting your face but I’ll surprise you with a cheek tap. Just refuse to slap if asked and go for the light surprise slap maybe along with saying something degrading. Best used just to get attention and not to give pain really I think.
It sounds as if you are hitting way too hard. Have a look at our Wiki. Scroll down to F, for Face Slaps.
As an alternative, you could explore spanking.