I used to be horrible in arguments. Yelling, storming out, just doing the most. I had to actually admit that i had serious flaws, and work on myself. I’ve almost entirely given up drinking, because I seemed to get very knit picky, emotional, and it brought out bad sides of me. I gave up my trust issues, and actually learned to believe my partner always had my best interest in mind. No more snooping… etc etc. a lot of things that i wrongly thought protected me, were harming me/us
Same with my husband! I eat it when he's not home lol and if I cook any seafood, I have to warn him so he can leave the house and then air the house out before he gets home. So I don't eat seafood anymore unless he's gone for more than a day. I'd just order it at a restaurant but he won't go out to eat with me either
An hour of sleep, he gets home at 9pm and i sleep at 9:30pm. There are nights he wants to have a bit of fun before i go to sleep but i also like to wake up at 4:15am to go to the gym…. Sometimes i give up and instead of sleeping at 9:30pm i sleep at 10:30pm.
I gave up a level of independence. My husband doesn't like me to take chances, like climbing ladders to hang xmas lights, for example. (To be fair, I'm notoriously clumsy and somewhat prone to damage.) He'd rather do things for me; acts of service is his thing. This is very sweet, but it took me a long time to not insist on doing everything myself.
It makes him happy to carry out the laundry and wash the windows. He can have at it.
Had to give up terrible habits that I learned from the older people in my life.
Had to give up my terrible communication methods, selfish tendencies, etc.
I was exposed to a lot of unstable individuals as a child, and it contaminated my brain.
And I did not want to expose my partner to those unhealthy patterns.
I gave up on quiet nights, because he snores horribly. But I also gained the best cuddler in bed at the same time.
And that's the thing... of course everyone has to give up something when entering a relationship, but the gains should absolutely outweigh the sacrifices and above all: not a single sacrifice should touch on your personality or life aspirations.
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I gave up doing things only for me. Now I do things for us and whatever will be best for us both. I do miss doing whatever I wanted and having the freedom to choose every single thing that benefits me, choose whatever I wanted, buy whatever I wanted, but ultimately my husband and the love we have is definitely worth the sacrifice. In turn, giving that up taught me a lot of the things I thought I needed/wanted, I really don’t need at all.
I gave up my very poor self image. I’m very small and petite, basically stopped growing as soon as I became a teen and got bullied a lot in school for it. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even look at my naked self in the mirror.
When we got together I wouldn’t sleep with him because I thought he would leave me as soon as he saw me naked.
Now he has me convinced I’m the hottest woman to ever grace the earth. When I walk past him I feel like a goddess.
Before we moved out of our town house, I gave up my sanity so he could have a massive table in the office we shared to play warhammer on. There was a super thin walk way to get to each desk and the closet. And then he adopted a monitor lizard that would poop specifically under my desk, and also bit the crap out of me when it was young. Safe to say I’m super glad we each have our own offices in our house lmao
didnt have to "give up" anything, but ive done my best to be better for my partner like realising my constant need for reassurance and fear of abandonment were hurting the relationship and working on those issues.
My social life. My husband is autistic and has issues living in a city. So we live in the mountains or smaller cities if we can. I am currently 1.5 hours away from all of my family and my best friend. I visit my hometown when I can but it is exhausting going back and forth.
Edit: my husband was formally diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 12
Being a SAHM. He was working twelve hour shifts to support a family of four and I did my best to keep him from needing to do anything around the house besides playing with the kids, but he was burning out and his work just kept demanding more from him. When our youngest started kindergarten, I went back to work and he reduced his hours, which fixed a lot of things.
I miss it but we have a savings account that, when it reaches a certain number, I can quit my job and go back to staying home full time. But at current rate, that's another decade away.
Currently in a relationship for the first time. I’d say just only thinking about myself and stroking my own ego, which is probably what I did when I was single. I’m now learning how to work WITH someone, taking a moment to stop before reacting, thinking about ways to make him smile. I can feel myself developing and becoming a better person <3
He has one already and isn't interested in one with me. It's been tough, seeing pictures of him holding his son as a baby, an old ultrasound in the kitchen window, baby clothes he hadn't got rid of yet, his choice of baby mother ringing him every day, him cuddling his son and demonstrating repeatedly everything I will never have.
I will, I'd rather have what I have without the possibility of that future than abandoning it for a hypothetical. I have it better than I ever thought I would.
The chance of ever owning an animal with fur again. He’s severely allergic to pretty much every animal with fur, especially cats. I live on my own without any pets for 3 years now, but my family has always owned pets, so I figured I would get a cat eventually. This now won’t be happening.
I knew about this allergy early on and came to terms with that fact pretty quickly. I don’t mind living without pets, if I have my wonderful bf at my side. Still, him plus a cat would have been nice, too.
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I think you shouldn't be giving up on stuff to be able to have a good healthy relationship. Maybe you can try to improve some pieces of your personality bjt not giving up something you are
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Thats not true at all lmao. All relationships have opportunity costs. Thats just life. If you have to give up a lot or give up parts of yourself that you love, then you're probably not with the right person.
Lol no. We have our own thought, opinions, hobbies etc. We have many differences. We just work really well together. Reddit sure love to project its misery on others.
Im guessing youre very young or have no healthy relationship experience m8.
Everyone gives things up in a relationship. Example? You quit acting single and doing things single people do (ie flirting with others, random hookups, going out every night with friends, etc.); these are just some ridiculously obvious ones, but theres much much more we give up for long term monogamous relationships.
If you literally gave up nothing, then youre probably just a crap partner
You couldn't be more wrong. There's a good chance I'm older than you. I just had a great example of what a healthy marriage looks like with my parents and I married the right guy.
Your examples of what you have to give up are clubbing and fckn other people. I never did the bar scene, I'm content at home reading a book and I don't feel the need to always have people around me. I have some amazing friends that are always there for me and I for them and (this will get me down voted off the platform) my husband and I still to traditional family values. I take care of most of the domestic stuff, my husband works and we both parent our son equally.
When you have a true partnership you lean on your strengths and work together. As the family structure broke down we see more societal decay, unhappy people, dysfunctional families, high divorce rate, everyone is in therapy and on SSRIs.
My husband would strongly disagree with you on what kind of partner I am. And no, I'm not some "trad wife".
I dont think youre a crap partner. I just think that you wont admit that you gave things up for your healthy relationship. You didnt address all of my more basic claims: you dont talk about major purchases with your partner first? You don't talk to him about ideas you've got floating around or trips you'd like to take? You just do them like you would single without a single thought for your husband?
I dont believe you do. I think you do discuss all this with your husband, because you're a good wife, and he discusses things with you before pulling the trigger because hes a good husband.
I highly agree with you on everything else. My wife and I have been together 19 years yesterday. We have 4 children. For 17 years since our first child, she has been a stay at home mother as she always wanted to be. I've been fortunate enough in my career to be able to provide for her and our family through it all to this point (knock on wood) and hope to be able to until the end of my life.
I agree with you about the breakdown of the American nuclear family. Fully agree.
Also while I agree that the "trad wife " trend is cringe as hell, and most of the people participating are just grifting and dont actually live the values they express to the world; I don't think being a traditional wife and mother should be a dirty word. Its an amazing thing and your family is better for it.
I used to be horrible in arguments. Yelling, storming out, just doing the most. I had to actually admit that i had serious flaws, and work on myself. I’ve almost entirely given up drinking, because I seemed to get very knit picky, emotional, and it brought out bad sides of me. I gave up my trust issues, and actually learned to believe my partner always had my best interest in mind. No more snooping… etc etc. a lot of things that i wrongly thought protected me, were harming me/us
Im impressed
Good for you! Love to see it ❤️
Needed to read this. So happy for you
You are me!
He hates the smell of canned tuna so I haven't really eaten it regularly in years.
I don't really love tuna anyway, but he'll occasionally buy me a can before he goes away for the weekend.
He's worth the sacrifice, what can I say.
Same with my husband! I eat it when he's not home lol and if I cook any seafood, I have to warn him so he can leave the house and then air the house out before he gets home. So I don't eat seafood anymore unless he's gone for more than a day. I'd just order it at a restaurant but he won't go out to eat with me either
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I had to give up a lot of my toxic fighting habits, like insisting on fighting even when he was feeling too angry and asked me for space.
We both had to learn to communicate better and give up on selfish traits like everyone has.
Loving someone means caring enough to change in small ways and growing together.
Same
My sanity. So I got a divorce instead.
Love it.
An hour of sleep, he gets home at 9pm and i sleep at 9:30pm. There are nights he wants to have a bit of fun before i go to sleep but i also like to wake up at 4:15am to go to the gym…. Sometimes i give up and instead of sleeping at 9:30pm i sleep at 10:30pm.
The fact that 1 hour of sleep made it top of your item in things you gave up for a relationship, tells me you got very lucky.! 🍀
I gave up a level of independence. My husband doesn't like me to take chances, like climbing ladders to hang xmas lights, for example. (To be fair, I'm notoriously clumsy and somewhat prone to damage.) He'd rather do things for me; acts of service is his thing. This is very sweet, but it took me a long time to not insist on doing everything myself.
It makes him happy to carry out the laundry and wash the windows. He can have at it.
Caveat: we're in our 60s.
Had to give up terrible habits that I learned from the older people in my life.
Had to give up my terrible communication methods, selfish tendencies, etc. I was exposed to a lot of unstable individuals as a child, and it contaminated my brain. And I did not want to expose my partner to those unhealthy patterns.
i gave up needing things to be easy, always being right, and keeping score.
I gave up on quiet nights, because he snores horribly. But I also gained the best cuddler in bed at the same time.
And that's the thing... of course everyone has to give up something when entering a relationship, but the gains should absolutely outweigh the sacrifices and above all: not a single sacrifice should touch on your personality or life aspirations.
For it to work?
I haven’t given up a thing… my career, my life goals, my bucket list, my friendships, my hobbies, my preferences….
My husband supports me in all of it and he watches the kids while I go do some of it
So you keep everything. What has he given up for you?
He has also given up nothing.
That’s the thing, we’re in a compatible, loving, supportive relationship. We don’t have to give anything up, we support each other.
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Spontaneity. Everything needs planning now, even downtime.
yeah
at the time? my self respect. never again
I gave up doing things only for me. Now I do things for us and whatever will be best for us both. I do miss doing whatever I wanted and having the freedom to choose every single thing that benefits me, choose whatever I wanted, buy whatever I wanted, but ultimately my husband and the love we have is definitely worth the sacrifice. In turn, giving that up taught me a lot of the things I thought I needed/wanted, I really don’t need at all.
I gave up my very poor self image. I’m very small and petite, basically stopped growing as soon as I became a teen and got bullied a lot in school for it. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even look at my naked self in the mirror.
When we got together I wouldn’t sleep with him because I thought he would leave me as soon as he saw me naked.
Now he has me convinced I’m the hottest woman to ever grace the earth. When I walk past him I feel like a goddess.
My fear of abandonment
Anchovies on our shared pizzas.
Before we moved out of our town house, I gave up my sanity so he could have a massive table in the office we shared to play warhammer on. There was a super thin walk way to get to each desk and the closet. And then he adopted a monitor lizard that would poop specifically under my desk, and also bit the crap out of me when it was young. Safe to say I’m super glad we each have our own offices in our house lmao
didnt have to "give up" anything, but ive done my best to be better for my partner like realising my constant need for reassurance and fear of abandonment were hurting the relationship and working on those issues.
My social life. My husband is autistic and has issues living in a city. So we live in the mountains or smaller cities if we can. I am currently 1.5 hours away from all of my family and my best friend. I visit my hometown when I can but it is exhausting going back and forth.
Edit: my husband was formally diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 12
Nothing bc I don’t play like that
Alcohol and drugs. Life is much better
Honestly nothing.
I dont eat pineapple as much cause he dislikes the smell but thats about it.
He gave up cherry flavoring though as Im allergic and fish cause I hate the smell so I guess no pineapples fair. Lol
I gave up smoking because it bothered him.
Being a SAHM. He was working twelve hour shifts to support a family of four and I did my best to keep him from needing to do anything around the house besides playing with the kids, but he was burning out and his work just kept demanding more from him. When our youngest started kindergarten, I went back to work and he reduced his hours, which fixed a lot of things.
I miss it but we have a savings account that, when it reaches a certain number, I can quit my job and go back to staying home full time. But at current rate, that's another decade away.
Currently in a relationship for the first time. I’d say just only thinking about myself and stroking my own ego, which is probably what I did when I was single. I’m now learning how to work WITH someone, taking a moment to stop before reacting, thinking about ways to make him smile. I can feel myself developing and becoming a better person <3
Everything.And it was not enough
My dream of having a child.
He has one already and isn't interested in one with me. It's been tough, seeing pictures of him holding his son as a baby, an old ultrasound in the kitchen window, baby clothes he hadn't got rid of yet, his choice of baby mother ringing him every day, him cuddling his son and demonstrating repeatedly everything I will never have.
But I'll get over it.
:( will you?
I will, I'd rather have what I have without the possibility of that future than abandoning it for a hypothetical. I have it better than I ever thought I would.
The chance of ever owning an animal with fur again. He’s severely allergic to pretty much every animal with fur, especially cats. I live on my own without any pets for 3 years now, but my family has always owned pets, so I figured I would get a cat eventually. This now won’t be happening. I knew about this allergy early on and came to terms with that fact pretty quickly. I don’t mind living without pets, if I have my wonderful bf at my side. Still, him plus a cat would have been nice, too.
My anxiety disorder.
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I think you shouldn't be giving up on stuff to be able to have a good healthy relationship. Maybe you can try to improve some pieces of your personality bjt not giving up something you are
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Alcohol
the goal of figuring out who i was alone
My home country, some work&education opportunities and in certains ways my independence at first. It's still worth it all, without any doubt.
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My voice, my needs, and my bodily autonomy
My social life and favorite hobby. Living near my family and friends. Making plans on a whim.
ETA also anything scented like lotions, perfumes, candles due to migraines.
He ended up not being worth giving up a side passion in music—should’ve ditched him instead.
Avoiding hard conversations. Facing issues early helped the relationship grow.
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Nothing
My self respect
I don't feel like I "gave up" anything in order to be with my husband. I do all the same things I did before we met and started dating.
Nothing. If you have to give up something you're probably with the wrong person.
Thats not true at all lmao. All relationships have opportunity costs. Thats just life. If you have to give up a lot or give up parts of yourself that you love, then you're probably not with the right person.
Damn, here's hoping you only fall in love with someone who is exactly identical in thought, likes and position in time and place to you in every way 🍻
Lol no. We have our own thought, opinions, hobbies etc. We have many differences. We just work really well together. Reddit sure love to project its misery on others.
This was a response to your words? Nothing about my life is in there?
Im guessing youre very young or have no healthy relationship experience m8.
Everyone gives things up in a relationship. Example? You quit acting single and doing things single people do (ie flirting with others, random hookups, going out every night with friends, etc.); these are just some ridiculously obvious ones, but theres much much more we give up for long term monogamous relationships.
If you literally gave up nothing, then youre probably just a crap partner
You couldn't be more wrong. There's a good chance I'm older than you. I just had a great example of what a healthy marriage looks like with my parents and I married the right guy.
Your examples of what you have to give up are clubbing and fckn other people. I never did the bar scene, I'm content at home reading a book and I don't feel the need to always have people around me. I have some amazing friends that are always there for me and I for them and (this will get me down voted off the platform) my husband and I still to traditional family values. I take care of most of the domestic stuff, my husband works and we both parent our son equally.
When you have a true partnership you lean on your strengths and work together. As the family structure broke down we see more societal decay, unhappy people, dysfunctional families, high divorce rate, everyone is in therapy and on SSRIs.
My husband would strongly disagree with you on what kind of partner I am. And no, I'm not some "trad wife".
I dont think youre a crap partner. I just think that you wont admit that you gave things up for your healthy relationship. You didnt address all of my more basic claims: you dont talk about major purchases with your partner first? You don't talk to him about ideas you've got floating around or trips you'd like to take? You just do them like you would single without a single thought for your husband?
I dont believe you do. I think you do discuss all this with your husband, because you're a good wife, and he discusses things with you before pulling the trigger because hes a good husband.
I highly agree with you on everything else. My wife and I have been together 19 years yesterday. We have 4 children. For 17 years since our first child, she has been a stay at home mother as she always wanted to be. I've been fortunate enough in my career to be able to provide for her and our family through it all to this point (knock on wood) and hope to be able to until the end of my life.
I agree with you about the breakdown of the American nuclear family. Fully agree.
Also while I agree that the "trad wife " trend is cringe as hell, and most of the people participating are just grifting and dont actually live the values they express to the world; I don't think being a traditional wife and mother should be a dirty word. Its an amazing thing and your family is better for it.
Edit: sentence structure