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i’m 5”3’ and i’m a firefighter. i’m far stronger than my boyfriend because i train hard and dedicate so many hours to my body and my health. it’s never been an issue until i was visiting his family with him and his dad asked me for help moving furniture instead of my partner.
this is now an issue because he feels emasculated, and i am upset that he views me as less feminine because of this. i wouldn’t change my goals and my strength for the world, but i wish he was as dedicated to a fitness goal as i am.
It was pretty awful of his dad to not even ask him. Sure she is stronger and more capable for the job but i wouldnt like it either if my dad would just ignore me.
He should talk to his dad and not pick a fight with his girl though.
I don’t see why it’s awful of dad not to ask him. If I’m moving a heavy item, I’m asking the strongest person to help. I’m not asking my mum first just to avoid hurting her feelings.
No, she quite literally didn't. She said she trains hard and dedicates hours to her health, not that she trains for hours every day. These are materially different statements, even if the spirt is right.
I’d like to think if I has other interests/goals and accomplishments in that space than my partner, that we could celebrate our successes together even if they’re not the same type. I’d be stoked to have a tough firefighter chic as a gf, although I suppose there’s a limit to how far my personal attraction goes in that direction, like I don’t find bodybuilder women attractive as they often go too far and lose a lot of femininity. But that’s just personal preference and you shouldn’t let anyone’s tastes dictate what you’re about.
Why is it absolutely necessary for you to express your lack of attraction to muscular women on a muscular woman’s comment? You can be attracted to whoever you want, but telling someone this when no one asked and there’s no chance you’d actually date this person is rude and doesn’t add anything to the conversation. I bet you wouldn’t like it if someone else said a trait of yours makes you “lose a lot of masculinity” completely unprompted.
Men only know how to talk to/about women in terms of personal attraction but would definitely cry if thats the only way women spoke to/about them.
I usually straighten my hair, and one time I left it curly — 3 guys I baaaarely knew were suddenly telling me which hair was more attractive to them personally and I said “Damn, I don’t think any hairstyle on you would make you attractive to me” and they got upset. Why is it normal to say this shit to women but when we dish it back and say honestly that men are rarely ever visually attractive its suddenly “mean?” So weak, so fragile this “masculinity” of theirs.
thank you i love this, especially since at no point did i mention my build. muscles actually don’t make me lose my femininity. it’s just my way of focusing on myself and the things that support my health and wellbeing.
I've always been strong and started power lifting in my 20s. My husband doesn't weight train at all and loves my strength. There is nothing that bothers me about it because he hypes me up so much. I love how he supports me and boasts about my strength.
That's really cool! So you've always been the stronger one? Never beaten? Lol
I wouldn't mind being with a much stronger girl, i could be carried upstairs if I was tired haha but idk if you're that strong ^
I am much stronger than my partner because I am more of the athletic type and train often. He is proud of me and it does not seem to bother him - it came very handy when we moved flats :)
I think that if a man is bothered by his partner being stronger, it is an insecurity he must deal with.
i like it, when he can't open jars and have to ask me, or when we have to move heavy stuff, he admires me for what i can do. he is not jealous or something, so there is no competition. just love :)
but if there is something i can't (more brain stuff) i will ask him so that we are even.
It bothers me that im the rock of the relationship 99% of the time. That im the one who needs to keep my cool all the time because my emotional state is the baseline for everybody else. It’s exhausting. It also sucks that i worry if my partner is able to handle the tough times we are going through. That i have to worry about them being able to handle it and not freak out and blow up their life, on top of me worrying about the actual bad thing that is happening.
It is a constant thing. Unrelenting burden. That i must accept and resign to, unless i choose to leave my partner.
He does at times. Like when our kid turned 1 and the stress of new parenthood was getting to us, my partner wanted a divorce and when i said that i was dealing with the same level of stress if not more they told me that they are not as strong as me.
Super bummer. at that moment i wanted to yell at them to grow a spine. I didnt have it in me to contain their emotions and pacify them, as i was already stretched thin myself.
I was with someone like this, everytime I would bring up problems or how they hurt me, they would spiral, and I had to constantly regulate them(I don’t mean just comforting them for a few minutes, I mean they would have full breakdowns and I’d have to figure out how to snap them out of it with my words) when other stuff happened in their life, it’s utterly exhausting and since they couldn’t handle my pain that they caused me, they ended up emotionally abusing me because of that
We are separating, so I’m slowly getting to a better place, they cheated on me too and lied to me a lot, they are losing their friends because of how badly they treat them too, so I’m not sure if they are going to get to a better place, unless they put in some serious work, I truly do wish that they learn how to treat others better and treat themselves better, they recently started medication so maybe that will help, but I can’t help them anymore, I’ve been abused and betrayed too many times, and I can’t keep watching them self destruct while they don’t even try to get better, even when I tell them exactly how to do it better or how to treat others better or tell them how much they deserve a good life and deserve love despite them pushing everyone away, it’s too much, but I do absolutely love them and want them to get the help they deserve and need, but that help isn’t me, not anymore
In therapy I learned that sometimes the responsible thing to do is to no longer shield the other person from consequences. Sounds like this might apply to you too! I wish you all the best and hope you will heal in time.
That’s what I’m trying to remind myself, that maybe they have to lose everything in order to grow strong enough for themselves, but it’s just really hard for me because I care so much, even my therapist said that this might be good for them, and that I can’t keep trying to save them at the expense of myself, because that’s not good for either of us, I’m really just hoping that them going through all this suffering ends up helping them grow and change in the end, it’s that hope that makes it a bit easier to do the right thing, also thank you for your kind words
I do work out on a regular basis more than he does, while I may not be stronger per genetics, I am definitely more toned, and also healthier.
It bothers me not in the appearance sense, but lifestyle wise. I am very into proper nutrition and health so I would like it if my partner is also the same. I have been 1 year nicotine free, he smokes... that sort of thing.
I found in my most recent relationship that this does bother me, sadly.
I work out on a regular basis and he didn’t at all, he was just a couple cm shorter than me, not a huge deal, but he was also skinnier, which made me feel like I towered over him often. He never expressed any dislike for that, but that combined with an imbalance in emotional labor, made me feel way more masculine than him and slowly chipped away at my confidence.
I think it’s definitely changed my perspective on whether certain physical traits (height and build) matter to me, as a personal preference.
I'm an electrician and while I don't work out, my job keeps me relatively trim and fit. My husband works a desk job and plays video games in his off time so he's not nearly as fit as me. It's never been an issue. Sometimes its extra noticeable if we are moving stuff bc he gets out of breath muuuuch more quickly than me. But he knows I'm not trying to emasculate him or anything.
Overall I'm much stronger than my partner, saying that she can certainly lift or carry more than her fair share.
Sometimes with her sheer will, she can move carry stuff that I would only do with another set of hands! OK sometimes things get broken or go wrong 🤣. Most of the time it works out fine and I'm just flabbergasted at her logistical abilities! 😍
From what I’ve seen people say most are totally fine with it as long as the relationship feels secure. Being stronger or taller isn’t a big deal when there’s mutual respect and no weird ego stuff. The only real issues tend to come from outside comments or if the partner feels insecure and makes it awkward. Otherwise it’s mostly a non-issue and some even really like it..
I'm not really taller but heavier/stronger than my partner due to an age gap between us. He’s super lean (which is my specific type!), while I’m chubby and definitely weigh more than him.
I honestly love his build, but the size difference does get in my head sometimes. I’m not taller, but being heavier makes me feel like a "tank" next to him. The only thing that bothers me is feeling less "dainty" or worrying I’m going to crush him when we cuddle. Other than my own insecurities, I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm a lot stronger than my partner, with the exception that they kick like an ostrich when we wrestle. I would make their ostrich kicks just a little bit weaker so that I have a snowball's chance when we spar standing up
Maybe he’ll take that as some motivation to get in better shape. I started to get in better shape because my man was much fitter than me. Helped push me to reach my fitness goals!
I like it fine, big fan of being able to pick them up. I'm not really bothered; can't think of anything to be bothered by. I'm also tall, but they're one inch taller than me. I wouldn't care if they were shorter either way.
I'm short and don't look super fit but I do activities related to hobbies that build muscle. My tall wife thinks my muscles and strength are hot. I like intimidating men when they start it. I always win at arm wrestling but I never start it. I'm dominant sexually so partners are always pleasantly surprised I am stronger than them. I've also done enough martial arts I don't need to be stronger to use leverage and pressure points to pin and overpower them, but it helps.
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i’m 5”3’ and i’m a firefighter. i’m far stronger than my boyfriend because i train hard and dedicate so many hours to my body and my health. it’s never been an issue until i was visiting his family with him and his dad asked me for help moving furniture instead of my partner. this is now an issue because he feels emasculated, and i am upset that he views me as less feminine because of this. i wouldn’t change my goals and my strength for the world, but i wish he was as dedicated to a fitness goal as i am.
It's sad how many guys are insecure like that
It was pretty awful of his dad to not even ask him. Sure she is stronger and more capable for the job but i wouldnt like it either if my dad would just ignore me.
He should talk to his dad and not pick a fight with his girl though.
I don’t see why it’s awful of dad not to ask him. If I’m moving a heavy item, I’m asking the strongest person to help. I’m not asking my mum first just to avoid hurting her feelings.
you missed the point. She is the stronger of the two of them.
for context it would’ve very much upset my partner and caused a bigger problem if his dad asked him, he couldn’t move it, and then i could afterwards
How big is this guy? It's very rare for an average ish size man to be weaker than a 5 3 woman!
Did you miss the part where she said she’s a firefighter who trains for hours daily?
At 5'3, Training hard and being a fire fighter does not equate to major strength compared to most men...no hate ......
she didn't say exactly that, but yeah!
“I train hard and dedicate so many hours to my body and health”
She quite literally did
No, she quite literally didn't. She said she trains hard and dedicates hours to her health, not that she trains for hours every day. These are materially different statements, even if the spirt is right.
Dad should cater to his fragile male ego?
[deleted]
I'm just reacting to the assertion that it was "awful" that the dad asked the wife instead of the son to help.
*sips on juice pack
Get it baby!
Hell yeah
Muscle Mommy > Cardio Bunny
I’d like to think if I has other interests/goals and accomplishments in that space than my partner, that we could celebrate our successes together even if they’re not the same type. I’d be stoked to have a tough firefighter chic as a gf, although I suppose there’s a limit to how far my personal attraction goes in that direction, like I don’t find bodybuilder women attractive as they often go too far and lose a lot of femininity. But that’s just personal preference and you shouldn’t let anyone’s tastes dictate what you’re about.
Why is it absolutely necessary for you to express your lack of attraction to muscular women on a muscular woman’s comment? You can be attracted to whoever you want, but telling someone this when no one asked and there’s no chance you’d actually date this person is rude and doesn’t add anything to the conversation. I bet you wouldn’t like it if someone else said a trait of yours makes you “lose a lot of masculinity” completely unprompted.
Men only know how to talk to/about women in terms of personal attraction but would definitely cry if thats the only way women spoke to/about them.
I usually straighten my hair, and one time I left it curly — 3 guys I baaaarely knew were suddenly telling me which hair was more attractive to them personally and I said “Damn, I don’t think any hairstyle on you would make you attractive to me” and they got upset. Why is it normal to say this shit to women but when we dish it back and say honestly that men are rarely ever visually attractive its suddenly “mean?” So weak, so fragile this “masculinity” of theirs.
thank you i love this, especially since at no point did i mention my build. muscles actually don’t make me lose my femininity. it’s just my way of focusing on myself and the things that support my health and wellbeing.
I've always been strong and started power lifting in my 20s. My husband doesn't weight train at all and loves my strength. There is nothing that bothers me about it because he hypes me up so much. I love how he supports me and boasts about my strength.
That's so cool (: 💪🏻 amazing couple
I have always been the strong one. It made dating interesting.
Guys who were shorter than me and skinny were really emasculated by me
And i mostly got hit by guys who were tall and fit like me.
I once dated such guy and i used to carry him in my arms and he loved it. So there is a little hope i guess
That's really cool! So you've always been the stronger one? Never beaten? Lol I wouldn't mind being with a much stronger girl, i could be carried upstairs if I was tired haha but idk if you're that strong ^
Yes i can. I am pretty jacked and tall and i have carried boys in my arms. It's pretty fun honestly
Ngl I'd let you try haha
Haha thank you
Dating has been interesting for me because some guys get threatened by a girl who can easily overpower them
Easily? Really? Wow somehow I'm so curious about you 😅
I am much stronger than my partner because I am more of the athletic type and train often. He is proud of me and it does not seem to bother him - it came very handy when we moved flats :)
I think that if a man is bothered by his partner being stronger, it is an insecurity he must deal with.
You're totally right, insecurities can kill everything... I'm glad it works great for you guys! I hope it can work with us too 😅
best of luck, OP!
i like it, when he can't open jars and have to ask me, or when we have to move heavy stuff, he admires me for what i can do. he is not jealous or something, so there is no competition. just love :)
but if there is something i can't (more brain stuff) i will ask him so that we are even.
That's so cute! Amazing couple ^ complementing each other! I hope that I find something like this
I hope everyone finds someone like that, it's the best thing in the world
Does he try to show you he's strong too?
only for fun stuff. but not in a masculine way. we switched the rolls a bit, i am more masculine and he is more feminine sometimes.
That sounds like so much fun! How tall are you guys?
It bothers me that im the rock of the relationship 99% of the time. That im the one who needs to keep my cool all the time because my emotional state is the baseline for everybody else. It’s exhausting. It also sucks that i worry if my partner is able to handle the tough times we are going through. That i have to worry about them being able to handle it and not freak out and blow up their life, on top of me worrying about the actual bad thing that is happening.
It is a constant thing. Unrelenting burden. That i must accept and resign to, unless i choose to leave my partner.
Most people here were talking about physical strength, I was rather thinking about a scenario like yours. Does your partner acknowledge the divide?
He does at times. Like when our kid turned 1 and the stress of new parenthood was getting to us, my partner wanted a divorce and when i said that i was dealing with the same level of stress if not more they told me that they are not as strong as me.
Super bummer. at that moment i wanted to yell at them to grow a spine. I didnt have it in me to contain their emotions and pacify them, as i was already stretched thin myself.
That must have been so exhausting to always be the strong one mentally. I hope you are getting enough rest and breaks!
I was with someone like this, everytime I would bring up problems or how they hurt me, they would spiral, and I had to constantly regulate them(I don’t mean just comforting them for a few minutes, I mean they would have full breakdowns and I’d have to figure out how to snap them out of it with my words) when other stuff happened in their life, it’s utterly exhausting and since they couldn’t handle my pain that they caused me, they ended up emotionally abusing me because of that
That sounds extremly exhausting and like the pathway to burnout. I hope that both of you are in a better place now, seperate or together!
We are separating, so I’m slowly getting to a better place, they cheated on me too and lied to me a lot, they are losing their friends because of how badly they treat them too, so I’m not sure if they are going to get to a better place, unless they put in some serious work, I truly do wish that they learn how to treat others better and treat themselves better, they recently started medication so maybe that will help, but I can’t help them anymore, I’ve been abused and betrayed too many times, and I can’t keep watching them self destruct while they don’t even try to get better, even when I tell them exactly how to do it better or how to treat others better or tell them how much they deserve a good life and deserve love despite them pushing everyone away, it’s too much, but I do absolutely love them and want them to get the help they deserve and need, but that help isn’t me, not anymore
In therapy I learned that sometimes the responsible thing to do is to no longer shield the other person from consequences. Sounds like this might apply to you too! I wish you all the best and hope you will heal in time.
That’s what I’m trying to remind myself, that maybe they have to lose everything in order to grow strong enough for themselves, but it’s just really hard for me because I care so much, even my therapist said that this might be good for them, and that I can’t keep trying to save them at the expense of myself, because that’s not good for either of us, I’m really just hoping that them going through all this suffering ends up helping them grow and change in the end, it’s that hope that makes it a bit easier to do the right thing, also thank you for your kind words
I do work out on a regular basis more than he does, while I may not be stronger per genetics, I am definitely more toned, and also healthier.
It bothers me not in the appearance sense, but lifestyle wise. I am very into proper nutrition and health so I would like it if my partner is also the same. I have been 1 year nicotine free, he smokes... that sort of thing.
I found in my most recent relationship that this does bother me, sadly.
I work out on a regular basis and he didn’t at all, he was just a couple cm shorter than me, not a huge deal, but he was also skinnier, which made me feel like I towered over him often. He never expressed any dislike for that, but that combined with an imbalance in emotional labor, made me feel way more masculine than him and slowly chipped away at my confidence.
I think it’s definitely changed my perspective on whether certain physical traits (height and build) matter to me, as a personal preference.
I'm an electrician and while I don't work out, my job keeps me relatively trim and fit. My husband works a desk job and plays video games in his off time so he's not nearly as fit as me. It's never been an issue. Sometimes its extra noticeable if we are moving stuff bc he gets out of breath muuuuch more quickly than me. But he knows I'm not trying to emasculate him or anything.
What does your flair mean?
Gender neutral.
Overall I'm much stronger than my partner, saying that she can certainly lift or carry more than her fair share. Sometimes with her sheer will, she can move carry stuff that I would only do with another set of hands! OK sometimes things get broken or go wrong 🤣. Most of the time it works out fine and I'm just flabbergasted at her logistical abilities! 😍
From what I’ve seen people say most are totally fine with it as long as the relationship feels secure. Being stronger or taller isn’t a big deal when there’s mutual respect and no weird ego stuff. The only real issues tend to come from outside comments or if the partner feels insecure and makes it awkward. Otherwise it’s mostly a non-issue and some even really like it..
I'm not really taller but heavier/stronger than my partner due to an age gap between us. He’s super lean (which is my specific type!), while I’m chubby and definitely weigh more than him.
I honestly love his build, but the size difference does get in my head sometimes. I’m not taller, but being heavier makes me feel like a "tank" next to him. The only thing that bothers me is feeling less "dainty" or worrying I’m going to crush him when we cuddle. Other than my own insecurities, I wouldn't change a thing.
I'm a lot stronger than my partner, with the exception that they kick like an ostrich when we wrestle. I would make their ostrich kicks just a little bit weaker so that I have a snowball's chance when we spar standing up
Cool! Very interesting haha
Maybe he’ll take that as some motivation to get in better shape. I started to get in better shape because my man was much fitter than me. Helped push me to reach my fitness goals!
I like it fine, big fan of being able to pick them up. I'm not really bothered; can't think of anything to be bothered by. I'm also tall, but they're one inch taller than me. I wouldn't care if they were shorter either way.
I'm short and don't look super fit but I do activities related to hobbies that build muscle. My tall wife thinks my muscles and strength are hot. I like intimidating men when they start it. I always win at arm wrestling but I never start it. I'm dominant sexually so partners are always pleasantly surprised I am stronger than them. I've also done enough martial arts I don't need to be stronger to use leverage and pressure points to pin and overpower them, but it helps.
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Don’t answer this question and give fuel to this guy’s fetish lmao