My cat’s home euthanasia was horrific
I am absolutely gutted and destroyed. It happened yesterday and I’ve been vomiting and crying ever since and am only now coherent enough to write about what happened.
My sweet baby girl Minya who I raised from a teeny kitten was diagnosed with kidney disease last year, and with special care and diet I got another good year with her – she had her fifteenth birthday this past October. But last week I noticed she was dropping kibble and pawing her mouth, like she did once with a tooth issue. After taking her to my vet, it was confirmed she had a cracked tooth, and we did full bloodwork to see if she could handle the sedation for her dental work she needed. I got bad news the next night – her vet called me and said she was in the final stages of liver and kidney failure and that I needed to make the decision to euthanize her very soon if I didn’t want her to suffer. This was Thursday night, and the vet said she had a few days at best.
I made the heartbreaking decision to do home euthanasia because she hates her carrier, car rides, and the vet. I wanted to give her the most gentle, peaceful passing I could, but it turned out to be anything but and I’m absolutely gutted.
When the vet arrived yesterday around 1pm, it was a husband/wife mobile vet team who had amazing reviews for this service. I could tell my baby girl was tired and hurting and it was her time but what happened next will haunt me forever.
She was in my home office (her favorite room) in her favorite sun patch, and they came upstairs to her. They explained they would give her a sedative shot to calm her so they could place an IV/cath thing in her leg for the final shots, and that it might make her nauseous or sick. The husband snuck up behind her and gave her the shot before she or I was ready and she screamed and ran from her sun patch and proceeded to vomit everywhere. She was crying in fear and trying to run but her little legs were all uncoordinated so she was tumbling and rolling and vomiting and dry heaving and crying all over upstairs and it was awful, at one point she almost fell down the stairs and the man was barely able to block her.
I was able to corral her back into my office and asked them to leave the room so I could calm her. I finally got her a bit still even though she was licking her lips due to nausea and I had to force her to lay down in her little bed, and her eyes were so wide with terror my heart was destroyed. They came back in and told me they needed to place her IV. To be fair they did wait a bit, 10-15 minutes maybe? But she was NOT sedated. They were holding her down while I was crying and petting her and she was growling, hissing, and trying to attack them. The wife told me she was having a very rare (like 10%) bad reaction to the sedative, and if they gave her more it would just start the process all over again. So I had to sit there while my sweet baby who had never growled or bit was terrified and trying to escape with eyes the size of dinner plates full of fear.
Every time they’d try to get near to shave her leg it would start all over again, and by this time I was bawling and crying out and they told me I needed to leave the room so they could put her IV in. I made them promise they wouldn’t do anything else and then stepped out and I regret that so badly, because when they told me I could come in, she looked lifeless and limp. I tried to talk to her and pet her and there was just nothing but her wide terrified eyes and I’m horrified to think that her last aware moments were of me leaving her while she was frightened beyond belief.
They then told me they’d begin and before I could ask to pick her up and hold her for the final shots they proceeded to inject her with a white solution then a pink solution right there in her little bed on the floor and when I asked if she could hear me they said she was already gone.
I wanted to give my sweet baby girl a gentle, peaceful passing and instead I let strangers hold her down to kill her while her last moments were filled with fear and terror and pain and I don’t know how I can live with myself.
Did they botch something with my baby girl? Did they lie to me and do something besides her IV while I was out of the room? She was very much alert when they heavily suggested I step out and just…empty…when I came back in. Below is a list of everything from the service but I don’t really know what does what – I only saw three injections, the first one which made things awful and then the last two for the euthanization. There was nothing peaceful about any of this for either of us and I could tell the vets were distressed too. I just can’t stop replaying everything over and over again in my head.
- Ketamine Pre-Med 0.15
- Dexdomitor 0.15
- Butorphanol Premed 0.15
- Euthasol 1.50
- Propofol-induction 2.00
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First, I am sorry for your loss and that it was so traumatic. I am going to speak bluntly here. No they didn’t lie. That is a very rare reaction to the sedatives. They likely asked you to step out, because you were so upset and that can feed back into your kitty, keeping her upset too. The reason that she seemed out of it when you came back was probably because she had calmed down enough for the sedation to actually kick in. If they had given her any of the other drugs she would have been completely unconscious. Edit to add: The first injection would’ve been a mixture of the ketamine, dexdomitor , and the butorphanol. The white would be the propofol, which would put her completely under anesthesia. And the euthasol would stop the heart.
Thank you for letting me know that she was "still" because the sedative had finally worked. I've read other stories where kitties are gently purring and the way she looked was the complete opposite, like she was already gone. The whole thing was horrible but it helps to know she finally had a tiny bit of calm and they didn't put her to sleep while I was out of the room. Do you think she could feel me petting her and kissing her and hear me talking to her when I came back in and before the final shots?
I do. The thing about reactions like this is I feel that the animal is not conscious of freaking out. It is a similar thing to a seizure. Once they are calmed down they are back in their “right mind” so to speak.
I’m so so sorry you and Minya went thru this. What you described is genuinely traumatic, and how you’re feeling makes total sense.
Pls know this first: you did not fail her. You made the decision you thought wld spare her pain and fear, and that matters. One awful moment doesn’t erase 15 yrs of love, safety, and care you gave her.
From a medical side, what they said can happen esp in older cats wid severe liver/kidney issues. That sedative combo is commonly used, but some cats have paradoxical reactions like panic, nausea, and agitation. Rare, but real. If they gave propofol while you were out of the room, that wld explain why she went from terrified to limp so fast, it works in seconds and means she was likely no longer aware for the final injection.
That said, they shld have communicated way better and supported you more. Being asked to leave without fully understanding what was happening is incredibly hard, and it’s understandable your mind is now filling in the worst-case scenarios.
The replaying, guilt, and “what ifs” you’re stuck in rn are very common after a traumatic loss. It doesn’t mean you abandoned her. it means you loved her deeply.
Minya knew you were her person. This moment doesn’t define her life or your bond. I’m truly sorry for your loss 💔
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I'm guessing the first injection they gave her was a combination of Dexdomitor, Ketamine, and Butorphanol (aka DKT). This is a common sedative combination. Unfortunately Ketamine does tend to sting pretty bad when going in IM - this is likely what caused her initial bad reaction. Dexdomitor can cause severe nausea (in fact it's sometimes used to make cats throw up).
The white medication you saw go in IV was the propofol (to essentially anesthetize her) followed by the Euthasol (actual euthanasia drug).
I'm so sorry they made you leave the room for her IV catheter placement. That's really unfortunate and I can only imagine how you feel. However, I don't think it's likely they did something in between you leaving the room and coming back. Likely the DKT had finally kicked in and she was sedated.
This is why I'm not on team "cats should get an IV catheter for euthanssia", however. It can be so hard on them, and there are other, better ways to do this. Again, I'm so sorry for your experience. Please try to focus on the good, long life you gave your girl. I know that's easier said than done, but you loved her til the end and she knew that ❤️
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I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I think the vet sneaking up on her and injecting before anyone was ready was not the right thing to do. I wish they would have communicated better and asked you to hold her while they did it. I think the drugs kicked in while they were placing her catheter, that's why she seemed sedated when you came back. Sometimes these things don't go as planned/how we imagine it to. Just know your girl is at peace and she lived a very long and happy life with you. She was so loved and cherished and she knew and felt that.
I hate so much that he did that, the sneaking. If I had been holding her she wouldn't have been able to run in fear with her body not working right. It does help to know that the sedative did finally kick in for her IV, thank you.
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