Please help keep AskUK welcoming!

• When replying to submission/post please make genuine efforts to answer the question given. Please no jokes, judgements, etc.

• Don't be a dick to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.

• This is a strictly no-politics subreddit!

Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

My sister signs me up for free samples of every female incontinence product she sees advertised. I’ve been receiving them since I was 28 years old. I’m 51 now.

The jokes on her. I kept all of them. I have enough free incontinence products to keep a nursing home going.

I recently wrote a will. Guess what she’s getting?

Neighbour was utterly obsessed with cars parking outside his house, and would harass neighbours to move their or guests cars. Whilst drunk one night I spotted an ad on facebook marketplace, for a small car, just passed a mot but due to circumstances needed a quick sale and it was up for £250.

I picked it up the next day and at night parked it up. He went loopy at the outrage of a car outside his house and quizzed all the neighbours to no joy, he called the police who told him its taxed, MOT'd and parked legally he was fuming and took to to the local Facebook to rant.

When the mot was up, I went to start it up and the fucker started up first time, and made a right racket as the brakes were seized on. When I returned on foot neighbour stopped me and was over the moon that the eyesore was gone.

Garage phoned up and advised it had passed its MOT, so I thought it would be rude not to, paid my £30 parked it up outside his house for another year.

During a particularly unpleasant family dispute, my dad sent my sister a step ladder through Amazon with a note saying "to help you down off your high horse".

Shockingly, that didn't help.

A mate of mine fell out with his neighbour over parking. Nothing dramatic, just passive aggressive notes through the door.

So every time the neighbour put their bins out slightly wrong, my mate would quietly move them back a few inches so the council wouldn’t collect them. Never said a word. Just watched the confusion build week after week. Peak British pettiness. No confrontation, no shouting. Just bins and simmering resentment.

When I was a young teenager, my dad had a girlfriend who’d stay at the house sometimes. I didn’t like her. She’d use the phone to call her pals then blame me for the bill.

She was making a big jigsaw on the dining table and I was leaving home to stay with my girlfriend. I picked a piece of the jigsaw right out the centre of it and had it in wallet for many years.

I had a housemate at uni who was an "aspiring DJ" and used to make an absolute racket, sometimes in to the wee hours, with the neighbours calling the police on him numerous times just to tell him to shut the fuck up.

Dude was absolutely the biggest waste of space you've ever met. To the point where his parents had to pop in once every other week with food because he was too lazy to go to the shop and spent all his money on drugs.

One day I put his wet laundry in his freezer drawer (we had one drawer each) after he left it in the washing machine all evening/night; we all convinced him he'd done it in one of his drug addled states.

My old boss was an alcoholic and a bully, he sold the company and continued to harass me often accusing my mother of being a whore and my father of being gay. I have since blocked him on everything of course.

But.. knowing his mobile number, address and email etc. I signed him up for as many gay dating, gay cruises, gay support clubs as I could find in his area (he lives in a different country) I also booked him in for several medical appointments, makeovers, manicures spray tans and anal bleaching. I also booked him an appointment with a psychiatrist and signed him up to a visit from the Jehovah's witness of course.

A family member was cheated on by someone who really did love his car more than is healthy. He would get it cleaned once a week and detailed every month.

The revenge?

Glitter in the air conditioning.

I used to live in a small apartment building, 4 apartments on each floor.

Shared hallway off the stairs, one apartment on one end, and three on the other end.. the 3 doors being on each side of the hallway, so two faced eachother, and one perpendicular.

As such the 3 apartments shared a roughly 1m² space, to access their front doors.

I had the one on the left.

The one on the right decided to put a door mat outside their door, which took up approximately 60% of the shared 1m² space... Meaning it was essentially a trip hazard for the 2 other apartments.

One night, having been out on the lash, I came home, stole the mat, cut it into pieces, and put one of them through their letter box.

Fortunately nothing ever came of it! Not my finest moment.

I used to pay about 50 quid a month to store my caravan on a secure, staffed storage site as it was too big for my drive. Total overkill but I had very few options locally.

I was off on holiday and fetched the van and parked it outside my house so I could clean and pack it.

I heard my next door but one neighbour outside the van talking to my next door neighbour. He called me a "fucking pikey" and asked if Id brought "that pile of shite" up here... lowering the tone, taking "a parking space" (mate it's a main road and its outside my sodding house) anyway on and on he went and not once did my neighbour stop him but she didnt join in either in being derogatory just said "well shes a single mum nice for the kids" "I dont give a shit about her chav kids fuck em" and so she then agreed constantly "yes I know etc" I was inside the van the whole time.. heard it all... Now? We live on a council estate, mostly owned but regardless...we arent talking some upper class gated community (even if we were? WTF)

So when I got back and my next door neighbours house had gone up for sale..

I left the van there even though I was paying probably £150 quid to store it during that period.

Watching Mr Gobshite get more and more angry as his large family weren't able to park outside my house etc was HUGELY amusing.

Next door neighbour asked would I be moving it? I said yeah soon.. just sorting storage etc..

It was there a full 3 months by the time she asked i moved it when the council put a notice on it saying it had to be moved by XXX date...

Then soon as my neighbour sold her house and they just had builders in renovating it...

Yes folks... that caravan came right back for a few days here and there... as I watched mister "that fucking pikey scum" get more and more and more wound up but the council didnt put a notice on. He never knew when I'd bring it up and when I wouldnt and I renovated the whole van right under his nose. I especially enjoyed bringing it up on sunday mornings about 5am.. he did enjoy having the whole brood around with all their cars for sunday dinner.

I have a friend who, every time her husband pisses her off, she takes his beers out of the fridge

Many years ago when I was heavily pregnant, I pulled into a car park that had no designated spaces- you just kind of had to park sensibly and leave room for other cars. There was a car parked to my right and someone sat in a car to my left and he had plenty of room on the other side of his car so I waved at him and asked him nicely to move up. He told me to eff off.

I waited for him to get out of his car then pulled into the space parking RIGHT NEXT to the driver side door. I wasn’t in a rush so I sat there until he came back and he asked me to move so he could get into his car. I told him to eff off and watched him climb through the passenger side over to the driver side, getting angry and sweaty while I laughed my head off

There are websites online that allow you to use an email address to sign up for hundreds of thousands of spam lists. You don't even have to use your own email address, you might choose a different one.

I'm told the volume of spam is so great that it becomes impossible to use that email address any more as any legitimate messages get lost or blocked in the spam tsunami.

It may or may not be called something like mailbait but I can't remember.

I used to work in a small shop as Saturday staff back in uni. We would sell things like welding supplies and gasses etc.

Now it’s a very relaxed shop. You’re dealing with trades a lot so it’s very casual. I’d have customers come in and I’d be like “alright mate how can I help” etc. just being genuinely friendly.

We had one customer who absolutely hated it and was massively stuck up. Like genuine have to call him sir or he complains to management type thing.

Only by this time I’m now running the shop on a Saturday so there’s no one to really complain to. And I’m 18 and petty. Genuinely liked winding him up cause he just got the wrong side of me.

One day he comes in to make a big order. Not hugely relevant but like loads of things and wants to put it on account which back then was just write an invoice out by hand.

Usually I’d just write the items, like you want one 5/16 cutting nozzle or whatever it was. Nope being petty I feigned ignorance of what things were and got the catalogue out. Made him go through with me and find every single item so I could write the product codes in correctly.

Added another 15 mins to what should have been a really quick and easy trip. Strangely enough the other guys he worked with who came in to pick stuff up never had these problems

My mum has a neighbour with a 2 car driveway, but 4 very expensive cars. They put one on the drive, then 3 across my mum's front garden and drive, blocking her in and wrecking her grass. She tried talking to them but got verbally abused. She now mows the lawn in such a way she absolutely covers their expensive white cars in grass clippings.

A friend of mine was married to a right abusive AH. He’d given her a right beating one night and when he’d finished with his fists he told her that there’d better be a Steak cooked for his dinner the next day. He got his steak alright but it had been wiped on the dogs shitty backside before it was cooked and put on his plate. She left him not long after.

Me and her still have a good chuckle about it quite often lol

I would pull their keyboard and mouse usb out of the slot ever so slightly.

Just enough to lose connection whilst still looking plugged in. I would then reconnect it when they ran off to grab one of the IT support guys.

I made a gumtree ad for an African Grey Parrot (free to a good home). I put my mates name and number on. He had 100s of calls in the next couple of hours from interested people

Back when I was in school many decades ago, a friend borrowed 50p to buy some snacks or a house or whatever, then kept forgetting to pay me back. I eventually sent him an old style death threat like letter, complete with the letters cut out from newspapers glued on paper to make the message to pay me back... "or else". He eventually did, but that letter probably cost more than 50p in itself to make and send. I just thought it would be funny. Later found out could be considered a criminal offence.

Not me but a friend of friend let themselves in to their ex's where they were moving out, and sprayed milk around the wooden floor (kind of along the floor and skirting) in the knowledge of would ultimately stink and be so hard to figure out and fix.

I was stood in the queue in a very busy Teesside Greggs just before closing. I overheard two older women behind me talking about the peach melbas and how there was only two. I then heard them say "there's only two left, knowing our luck that fat bastard will buy them". I turned round and they nodded to the guy in front of me (he wasn't even that big), but they kept referring his weight and how it was disgusting. Luckily for the auld hags he didn't buy the last two peach melbas, but I did. I bloody hate them as well. I ended up walking an extra two miles to drop them off to my Granda. He didn’t like them either!

In 2011, my great auntie Maureen, 67 at the time, and her best friend Doris - both without a tooth in their heads, used to go down the pub every day.

One evening, after a few too many, in the taxi ride home - Auntie Maureen kept doing impressions of Doris (when she meets someone a bit posher, she puts on a hysterically funny telephone voice), much to her annoyance.

30 seconds later - Doris somehow grabbed the denture from Auntie Maureen’s mouth, and tossed it out the window, only for it to go down the curb drain.

It’s safe to say the aftermath was also hysterical.

When I was a teenager I was for a bit on the outer edge of one of the ‘cool groups’ in college and the core people used to treat the few of us not in the centre like dickheads on occasion.

Everyone else let them do it but it used to really wind me up. This one week they were all talking about this party they were having, all the boys were going, it was going to be crazy. There were about 4/5 of us they’d purposefully left out to keep the social hierarchy going, generally people kinda on the outskirts. Couple of my mates were upset about it, but I decided to be really petty and spend the week sorting out my own party for the same night.

Actually can’t really believe my mum let me have a party on a Thursday but the night came round, people came to mine, and we made out it was the biggest wildest party you have ever seen in your life. I think in the end there were only actually about 10-15 of us even at my house, but from Snapchat it looked like way more.

It worked. I didn’t even poach any of their guests or anything, but we got a phone call about half 11 with several of the ‘core group’ girls crying saying we’d ruined their night. Their party was apparently a shambles because everyone was so fuming we’d usurped the social hierarchy and they couldn’t work out who was at my party instead of theirs. (In fact no one, but they didn’t know that).

I think about it often and fondly. It changed the dynamics of the group when they realised we (or at least I) wasn’t going to take their shit and if they’d leave me out I’d work round it. Makes me laugh still thinking about us making out we were at a massive rager in my hallway while some girls who’ve been arseholes for months are sobbing down the phone.

Miss being a teenager.

My older sister is really uptight and mean and would never let me watch her Buffy The Vampire Box sets. I wasn't even that big a fan but because I had taken one from her room once she threw a massive tantrum. Whenever she went out, she would lock her door to make sure I couldn't get to them, this went on for years.

When she went to university, she made a big song and dance about my mum, not letting me in her room to steal the precious things. Me and my Mum would laugh about it because I didn't give a shit about Buffy.

In her second year I was going travelling to Australia and Asia etc. The day before I left, I let myself into her room and stole them, and took them with me. I spent nearly two years taking pictures of them by famous landmarks and sending them to my sister at Uni with ransom note

An aquaintane married to a violent hardman kept her sanity by humiliating him in front of his pals.....on darts night ..she served mince and tatties...his special portion was laced with laxatives.....

I used to go on my hubby’s Netflix profile & add all the series/movies/documentaries of stuff I knew he hated so they kept popping up on his algorithms. I also used to click on all of their 👍👍 “love it” buttons too. I did it every so often as I knew it’d make him chuckle when he got home after a long shift & saw it thinking “What the f—-?”. Then he’d realise & he knew I’d been thinking about him when he was at work. Eventually there were SO many it got tedious to delete them & would just irritate him, so I stopped a few years ago. We’ve been together 34years this year… poor sod!

You might like this sub OP

r/pettyrevenge

In the summer when my siblings and I were on summer break, my mother would make us leave the house in the morning until lunch. After lunch we had to get out again until our Dad got home from work. Rainy days we had to stay in our bedrooms all day for “reading time”. During “reading time” anytime my mother went into the bathroom I would sneak out to her chair and light one of her cigarettes and leave it burning in her ashtray. So petty.

The landlord of my local had a reputation for earwigging and then gossiping. Someone subscribed him to several hearing-aid sales companies marketing tat and requested visits from salesmen. He was most vexxed.

When I worked in somerfield supermarket years ago, at night while licking up the shop, I used to have to have to leave the cash keys in a key cupboard for the person in the morning. The woman who opened was an old battle axe, when she come in the next day she couldn’t find them in the key cupboard some how and caused a right stink about it slagging me off to who ever would listen. The keys were litteraly in the key cupboard.

So the next night I spent the last hour of my shift making up about 50 pieces of a4 paper with arrows and comments leading her from the front door directly to the keys so she couldn’t make the same mistake again. She was fucking furious!!!

I had a house mate at uni that would always pile up the sink with his plates and never wash them. I asked him politely for months to just leave his stuff on the side so others could actually use the sink.

Final straw I asked him politely and he rudely shouted "later!" at me from his bed (in the afternoon), so I got the washing up bowl including the dirty water and threw it on his bedroom floor.

Not hilarious but petty - I sold a pair of shoes on Facebook marketplace. They agreed a price and asked if I could deliver - I never normally do as it’s hassle but they gave some sob story about how they couldn’t drive but really needed the shoes and fast, so I acquiesced.

I drove to their house at the agreed date and time, and it was quite a big drive, I knocked on the door - no answer. I rang the door - no answer. I messaged on messenger and they didn’t read it but previously they’d been super fast at responding. I waited 10 mins and nothing. Out of spite I took their welcome mat and threw it in the nearest communal bin I found.

They never responded after that, so I guess they just decided they no longer wanted them but didn’t have the courtesy to tell me so just ignored me.

When I lived in Australia I had an argument with yhe landlord about rent owed. He illegally sublet after renting himself, there was 3 days rent owed from Friday to Monday before we left the apartment and he was holding our deposit and I was sure the fuckah was not going to give it us back. We told him to take the last 3 days rent from the deposit, seems perfectly reasonable if you ask me, his response was to fly from Melbourne to Sydney, change the locks and put all our stuff out on street including mine and my partners passports while we were working. I went back took everything to a hostel and then went back to the apartment in a rage that evening, I knew how to open the window. I got in we had a box of wine from a party a few days previous, I went round each room dropping wine all over the carpet and wrote prick in red wine on the carpet in the main living room. Good luck getting your deposit back... The police were still hounding my partner by phone (it was the early days of mobile phones) when we left Australia 2 months later...

When I was in my 20s I got dumped for the first time. My boyfriend was a musician who was obsessive about his cd collection, so before I left I swapped all of his hundreds of CDs in to the wrong boxes.

My friend found out her boyfriend had cheated on her. She went into his Netflix and skipped forward various amounts on the tv shows he was watching. There were other things she’s did too but this one stayed with me as very funny.

When I was growing up we had a lodger who was a massive prick. When my mum had finally had enough and asked him to leave, she offered to wash all his shirts as a conciliatory gesture. Except that she picked the thread of every button just enough that they were literally hanging by a thread. He wouldn’t notice until one by one over a few weeks all of his shirts would be buttonless. We never found out how that one went but the very thought of it was enough to satisfy her need for revenge

I boarded a train with my wife and kids. In the carriage, most seating was in pairs, but there were two set ups with 4 seats together with a table - ideal for a family.

One older couple had decided that they sit apart and each get 4 seats to themselves. They looked away when they saw me.

I seated my family in two 2s, and decided to go and sit opposite the husband of this couple. I only needed to wait a couple of stops until a group of very chatty, slightly drunk, middle aged women boarded.

"Would you three like to sit together here?" and I moved back to my family.

Don't know about hilarious, but my MIL basically uninvited her dad from Christmas this year because he didn't come visit her after a foot operation

I used to work in a job that was necessary but not very pleasant: debt recovery. These were unsecured debts, usually of relatively small amounts too, so it wasn’t affecting people’s credit rating and the risk vs reward was such that we went years without taking any one to court over these debts so it wasn’t affecting people’s really just a lot of calling and writing to people to say “pretty please pay what you owe.”

Obviously a lot of the people we corresponded with weren’t happy to hear from us.

One day I was corresponding with this guy about his membership fees to a place he had entered into a contract with. It was called something like gym 24/7 and he had indicated he had a dispute. I wanted to investigate this because even though we pretty much never took anyone to court we always did our due diligence so that we might stand a chance of winning if ever we did/didn’t waste time on one we couldn’t win. Anyway, in my email to him asking about why he felt he wasn’t required to pay I made a typo and referred to his contract with gym 34/7.

He absolutely roasted me in his reply. First he wrote about how because we were acting on behalf of gym 34/7 we had no authority to correspond regarding a contract between him and gym 24/7 and that we needed instead to get authority from the actual contracted party. He suggested we call our clients to verify their identity and said they should be easy to get hold of because they were open 34 hours a day.

I had to leave my ex husbands house within a month of asking for a divorce, he wanted me and kids/pets out so I took his favourite mug with me :)

Someone I know changed their Wi-Fi name to ‘I’mNotSharingThePassword’ after a roommate fight, then upgraded the internet speed so only they could enjoy it.

Drawing a cock into a former employers grounds lawn using RoundUp

I had an employer who wasn't paying me for my full hours that I worked. She cut my break short and not anyone else's and then asked me to come in early even though it wasn't posted on the schedule and then continued to not pay me for this and I couldn't prove it because she didn't write it on the schedule and we didn't have a clock in clock out system..... then she let me go stating I had attitude problems after I stood up for my right to be paid fairly for my time and to not have manager responsibilities for minimum wage pay...

So .. I made fake reservations on her restaurant website for larger groups of people on days and times that I knew they'd be really busy such as weekends and the lead up to Christmas so she would have to potentially turn people away and be out the money she put me out of right before Christmas.

Not sure if petty but my ex boss sold the business and let me go 2 weeks in advance. He had boxes and boxes of client info just sitting in his shed. Somehow the FCA found out he's not in finance any more. They'd have been smarter to start pinching folders because there was a lot of handy financial info in there but you live and learn...

Once my ex’s mom was pissed off by her ex-husband. She put on her shoes just to stomp up the stairs.

A long time ago I worked at a car insurance company. One of our obligations was to confirm the death of a driver if it happened.

But it was literally just a tick box. Has the person died? Yes/No.

One of my colleagues had a super obnoxious claimant who literally called twice per day to find out what was happening - despite them being totally at fault.

Just before the claim settled my colleague got a new job and the last thing he did was tick that this claimant had died in the crash.

Caused a fucking nightmare. Their bank accounts, benefits etc all got cut off in a few days and it took weeks to work out what had gone wrong”wrong”.

I signed my old boss' email address to a load of retirement homes and specialist equipment for his 60th birthday, he's not computer literate, so I imagine he's still getting pestered.

One of my mates has a great story, his sister was cut off from a friend group, I can't recall why, but I remember her not being in the wrong. There was a table booked for 20 people for the friends birthday party, which she was originally invited too. She called the restaurant and cancelled the table the night before. she booked herself a table to have some food at the same time, so the group turned up oblivious, and the size of the table could not be accommodated for, so it really ruined her old mates night.

Sent all his dikk pics that he was cheating on my with to his mother before telling her to come get her child. Then I lived happily ever after and married someone 10000x hotter ☺️

As a kid my mate threw a house party & at the start of the night one guy was acting up and being a nob.

We lined his shoes with a bin bag, filled the shoe with water and put them outside during one of the coldest winter days. 

My friend dated a very controlling and pathetic man. She moved in with him for a few months before they broke up. He was cruel and emotionally abusive, and would often give her curfews. He was obsessed with her schedule, and insisted she tell him exactly where she would be at specific times of day. When she moved out, another friend and I offered to help her move. The first thing we did was set all his clocks 5 minutes slow. Horrible ex had a huge alphabetised DVD collection, so we left all the boxes in alphabetical order but swapped all the DVDs inside into a completely random order. We also rearranged the dry food in his kitchen to make finding things awkward, and un-paired then re-paired all his socks. No damage done, just movement. After a few months, our friend messaged to ask if it was us - by this point, she was over him and found it hilarious.

I'm not sure I'm proud of this but I once wrote "wanker" in potassium chlorate powder on someone's lawn. Didn't show until a week later, after it had rained.

Story about an acquaintance of my Grandparents-I'll call him Bob. A friend of Bob's didn't have a car,but Bob was up for taking them fo a spin almost anytime. The friend's family persuaded them to ask Bob for a Lift, but the friend wasn't going..When Bob saw the friend wasn't going,he ordered the others out of the car!

I’m a tattooist. Y’know how most workplaces give annoying regular customers a crude nickname?

In a shop I used to work in, not only would you gain an unkind nickname, but you would also have a drawing done of you too. They were very vengeful depictions.

To further the agony of the artist/piercer who had to deal with the shite client, we would hide the drawing somewhere in their set up/station while they were working on them. Somewhere as not to be seen by the client but seen by the artist mid session - like amongst their kitchen roll, on the bottom of a drawer etc.

Sold a pair of signed football boots to the ex boyfriend of the girl he cheated on me with.

Signed my ex up for a "How to stop lying" free webinar for narcissists 🤭

My Dads old neighbour used to have a Collie type dog that they clearly didn’t walk enough etc. so it was constantly barking all the time. One night on his way home from the pub after a fair few beers he stood outside the house after midnight and started barking like a dog and woke the neighbour up. They ended up in a scuffle and the best part about the story is my dad had the bloke up against the gate by the scruff of his neck, and the dog started licking my dad’s ear. Brilliant.

My mum had a horrendous abusive fiance when I was about 14 years old. We all used one laundry big hamper in the main bathroom, so when I'd put a wash on or empty the machine there'd be some of his stuff in there too. Whenever I emptied it and found his socks, I'd throw one behind the back of the washing machine so he'd never have matching socks. He also used to record whole series on the sky box. I'd go on and delete random episodes, particularly loved deleting a finale where possible.

I once got so annoyed at my husband leaving his socks on the floor that I hid every single pair of his socks.

Prawns sewn into the curtain hems.

Found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me, so I rubbed his toothbrush round the toilet bowl.

My sister hung up on me, mid conversation and rejected my 3 subsequent call backs (I’d initially assumed the call had dropped out).

Her reason for being so angry, was that she was beginning a retelling of an argument she had had with our Mother, and I had simply said “I don’t want to get involved.” (Which is the safest thing for all concerned, because my sister is the one in the wrong in this argument, but refuses to believe it, because her husband has lied to her to cover his tracks. Trouble is, Mum and I were there when this thing happened, and sister’s husband is denying it did. Mum has taken a massive bollocking from my sister, even going as far as to say “Perhaps I’m developing dementia, I must have got it wrong, my memory is terrible these days, maybe I misremembered, I’m so sorry” But my sister is still on the war path with her. All it would take is for my sisters husband to admit the truth, but he won’t do that cos he’s scared of her, so instead, my sister is now absolutely fuming with both me and our Mum.

So on to my petty retaliation; I have set up Life360 circles for our elderly parents who each have their health battles. Me, Mum and sister on one and me, Dad and sister on the other.

On these Life360 circles, the people in the group can see exactly where the others in that circle are at any time, and exactly where they’ve been and for how long, for the past 24 hours. After being hung up on (because I refuse to engage in a conversation about my Mum being a liar, when in actual fact my BIL is the liar) I wanted to block my sister, but it felt a bit dramatic. So instead, I turned off my location on the circles my sister is on, and set up a new one for just me and Mum. I have no desire for someone who treats me so disrespectfully to be able to see where I am and what I’m up to all the time. If someone can’t even be arsed to answer my call, she just lost the privilege of knowing what I’m up to. I’m sure it won’t make a huge difference to her life, but at some point over the next couple of days she will notice, and I’m hoping it helps her to see that her behaviour is pushing me away from her so much, that I’m further limiting her access to me.

I’d still prefer to just block her, but that’s not really petty, it feels like a declaration of war (well, to my angry and intimidating sister it would!) and I’m not about to piss her off any further this close to Christmas.

My petty little Life360 rebellion will have to do (for now…)!

Walked through the procurement department one festive season for a chat to one of my colleagues. Sitting on her desk was next years Calendar and a big box of chocolates from the sales team of a supplier. I walked back to my desk, searched the Bill of Materials (BOM) for the supplier parts that I had previously decided to use in our product and engineered 'out' every single part of all existing and future products.

i was sat in a Zizzi and over heard this conversation next to me:

waiter: “what would you like madame?”

customer 1: “the pasta but with no chilli”

waiter: “ok. and for you sir?”

customer 2: “i want the salmon; but i want chilli.”

waiter: “okay that will be an extra charge”

customer 2: “can i have her chilli? just let me have her chili for free”

My partner had upset me. I ate biscuits and other crumby food on their side of the bed.

I wrote "cunt" on my ex's lawn. In bleach