One thing that pisses me off is when couples haven't discussed children yet and the man goes "I want x amount of children." All they have to do is nut and then somebody else bears all the health risks, goes through the worst pain of her life, risks her body, career, etc. just for the baby to have the guy's last name. It's like a group project where one person contributes 1% and he gets praised and puts his name on it. Even worse men are more likely to cheat and abuse/kill his wife when she is pregnant... I'd love to be a father too because it requires way less effort but as a female everything is so much more dangerous
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Nah not even in the slightest. 9+ months of torture just for the kids to get the mens last name due to a tradition stemming from misogny. Insane that is
Actually it stems from how surnames emerged
Yeah.........its deeply routed in the patriarchy
Well break that down for me
First of all in future if you want something from someone be more polite and ask them instead of demanding.
"taking a husband's last name is widely considered by many to be sexist due to its patriarchal roots, symbolizing a historical transfer of property and loss of female identity" You were essentially the property of your father (with his last name) until you married, and you were the property of your husband (with his last name.) Not to mention the fact he "had ownership" of you meant he could do loads of things like marital r-.
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You’re not too woke. You need to go woker. If a woman carries a child they have to dedicate their life to that child, the man can just leave. Also being pregnant generally physically cripples a woman, I have 2 colleagues in the middle age and they have 2 kids each and these women both have a pronounced limp. I am 30, childless and happy. I had a dog and a boyfriend and I support the young people in my life, I don’t feel the need to have children. I studied pedagogy too, so I’m passionate about children and children’s rights, I just don’t want them for myself. Children aren’t pets, and I hate how so many men and heterosexual couples just… pump them out and then not have a plan for them. This is child abuse imo.
I mean… no. Tbh thats a completely valid concern. Like lol consult with your partner first and see if they’re good with it before making demands of them thats just common sense 😭
Happy cake day!
Thanks :3
There's no such thing as being too woke twin stay awake
Here’s my perspective, obviously I would not have kids at my age or have s*x but I don’t want kids because of the fact that A, their really expensive and B, the primary reason I don’t want them, I don’t want my partner to go through that but for some reason all the girls I know want kids when older?!?!? Also I don’t know why someone would kill their wife that’s just messed up like crazy. That should never happen.
I mean, people can change their mind. I wanted kids when I was younger. Now, I know what it actually takes to have kids and I dont want them anymore
Not at all. This is having self awareness and respect
If I could just say “yep I am ready to have 3 kids” and they just poor into existence without any of the drawbacks and risks- you better believe I’d have at LEAST 3 by now.
That’s how easy the decision is for men. As a woman, everytime I feel the biological, emotional and physical urge to make my own beautiful child it is still heavily weighted and reconsidered. That is why I’m 26 with no kids still. Everytime I want one, I remember how much is at risk and how much actually goes into making that decision.
You’re valid. I wish that they atleast would appreciate the simplicity they have when it comes to that decision. Maybe if men put more effort into medical research for women and our bodies, we could eventually get to a point where it’s a much easier decision for women as well.
The answer to this is never yes. Everybody get woker now
Absolutely not
I once went off on a guy detailing how the expectation of a lot of kids is the issue not necessarily wanting a lot of kids
So no
The whole "I want a lot of kids" from men always icks me out since a lot, and I mean A LOT of men don't even know what a period is and the struggles of having one, let alone fucking pregnancy
Oh my god I could go on all day
But yeah, if this is considered being too woke then we can be too woke together❤️
Real talk, this is a question for older women
You have to ask mothers how many of them regret having children
And women that never had kids how many regret it
Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with having preferences, as long as they're informed there's nothing woke about them
I mean.. if he’s a good man he’ll stick around and help as much as possible and… not do that? But it’s also just.. anatomy and physiology… not sure what to tell you. Evolution was supposed to make it quick and effective ig? I’m not really sure what to say this is true but also very negative… how about we focus on the men who are doing their jobs and being good husbands and fathers? Because a good dude won’t do that plain and simple. Be careful who you end up with if you want to marry and have children and you should be good? If you question if your partner might do that based on reason then just don’t stay in a relationship with them and certainly don’t have children with them and bring the child into an unsafe environment.. that’s about it to simplify things and not overthink (As I read this outloud it may sound condescending but I promise it’s not lol)
imo, the guy should also be the absolute healthiest he could possibly be, before, because it will
1 make the baby healthier
2 make the pregnancy easier to bear
and, also in my opinion the last name should just be the one with most aura (or... like discussed among couples individually) i dont think you're too woke
Oh to be a man…
I would give my future kids last name to my future wife ngl makes it fair
So I'm a little lost as to what you want to change here? Are men not supposed to want kids or to be fathers anymore? They have no more say than we do over how biology works. Being mad a guy wants kids sounds like an over reaction to me without context as to what kind of man he is, if it's some elon musk fuckhead who wants 30 kids from 30 different women then yeah let's do something about it but I think most normal boys and men aren't like that.
Men wanting kids isn’t the issue. Men stating how many kids they want without acknowledging that someone else bears the risk is. I think a lot can be done about this issue, such as normalizing earlier conversations about it and expecting men to plan for caregiving more. Treating pregnancy as a serious medical, economic, life-changing commitment instead of a casual preference. I understand that a majority of men will be responsible dads, but there are also a handful who aren't educated enough. 1 in 6 pregnant women are abused by their husbands, so not most men, but still a lot of men when you take into account there are 3 million pregnant women at a time. I think the man should also ask in a way that centers his wife's agency, maybe phrase it like "I want to know how you feel about having kids" and discuss health risks, timing, etc. Also letting children take the woman's last name more often would be nice, since she birthed them.
Ok I see your points a little better now thanks. I'll say for the name thing, my biological parents weren't married when I was conceived and my biological father died before I was born, I appreciate having his name because its all i have of him. I see a lot of people talking patriarchy, I get it we live in a mans world but I dont think every last little detail is meticulously crafted to be anti women. Maybe I'm blind, but I honestly think there are still problems in our society but I don't think they are as deep as some people feel they go. I like that you made your point of teaching boys/men to address the question with a better choice of words because I think thats really what it is for the majority of them, well ment intentions that are poorly spoken.
I
I don’t think that’s how it works most of the time
Any decent man who actually loves their wife will actually communicate with their partner about children, how many each of them want, maybe find a compromise, and work their ass off to support their wife during and after pregnancy.
Not All Men are decent
lots of people distrust their partners because of all the horrible stories on the internet. that's probably where op's distrust of men comes from which is fine because women need to stay safe, but i know my bf would support me and care for me if i ever got pregnant
there will always be ppl who say/think you are no matter your views ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Seems reasonable to me, you have a point.
No definitely not! I also hate how some men enter a relationship and casually decide that they want x kids without even considering the woman's point of view. The problem is many might probably see it as ,,too woke" anyway, because this is an issue, that's already too manifested in a lot of people's minds.
No Ur 💯 valid. All of that and a real job, like fuck mothers are a real job. This is why the population is declining and it's deserved. We need to change the system. The government should pay you for being pregnan and not expect you to work, and being a mum, BC in the past it was only doing 1 of those not both. Also I never thought of it but yeah, wtf. Babies should have the female last name
im 100% with u on this one
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”Woke” is just a republican spam word to dehumanize people with empathy. Go woke all you want.
Normally pregnancy should be a nice experience in retrospect. My sister just gave birth a month ago and because of her supportive partner she enjoyed the process in spite of the problems. In a healthy relationship, both sides have their purpose. While the girl is growing her baby, her partner should be taking care of her, they should be there for them etc. Also back in the medieval times and before the world wars the females/mothers jobs were to take care of the house and care for the children while the the fathers took care of the manual labour around the house and they made all the household’s income. I don’t know why the children get the father’s last name. If you would like and are open to it i wouldn’t mind to calmly and properly discuss this subject in dms or here. I’m always curious to hear the other side of the argument. (My first language isn’t english so execuse my grammar or wording mistakes if there are any!)
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Normal amount of woke (coming from someone who has been called too woke)
every time my mom talks about my future she always says how good of a mom ill be. hell no. she had a meltdown when i told her I didn't want to have kids
Nope. I (as a guy) think men should have more of a role of making sure the woman is comfortable and well kept after the entire pregnancy, but it should be up to the couple to decide the last name, whether it follow tradition or not.
Not woke enough tbh
yes. not all men are monsters. spoiler alert: some actually care
yeah def not too woke!!! when I talked with my bf about his opinions on having children, he said he wants kids when he grows up but that it’s always the woman’s choice on how many children she wants (including 0, but that might mean their interests won’t align and they might have to find different partners, which is fine) since she’s doing all the work
As a guy, *If you don't mind me saying my opinion on this* I think it's up to the girl *or whatever you identify as, no shame here* to have as many children as she wants, it's a partnership, not a one sided whatever you wanna call it, and I think the person bearing the child has first call to the child's name, and if you wanna keep your name after marriage or whatever, you can, or if you're just dating, I still think it's up to the Mom to put her or the father's last name, but I do agree that a father's role is much less dangerous, I don't agree with the statement that being a father requires less effort *unless you mean giving birth to the child, then of course* but in actually raising the child, if the father is a decent parent, then it takes just as much effort, thanks for reading my yap!
You’re not too woke I think ur completely right I dont want children because I am NOT sacrificing my career body or life for someone that could grow up to be a lil asshole and also don’t want the father to be able to js dip
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Girl, not to mention the new research that shows women do NOT have a biological clock. Men have a biological clock. The older men get, the worse their sperm becomes! The "biological" clock is a myth meant to convince women to spend a ton of money freezing their eggs, damage their self worth, and allow men to get with younger women
Would menopause not be the clock?
The older you are the more risky pregnancy is for both you and the baby, depending on your age it's not a crazy increase but it's still an increase
There will be a point where you will not be able to have kids anymore when it comes to women and instead of lying to women saying the clock doesn't exist we should empower them with knowledge on what happens during menopause
Im not talking about menopause. Im talking about how people say women need to have kids now or freeze their eggs before they "go bad". But they ARE lying. Eggs don't go bad, you can freeze your eggs for other reasons, but freezing them so they "dont go bad" is not a thing. Are men pressured to preserve their sperm? Do we tell men, "you need to freeze your sperm before it goes bad" No, but sperm does decline in quality with age unlike eggs. Thats my point, idk why yall keep trying to bring up other things
Ohhhh okay that makes sense
I think the wording is a bit off
What the hell do you think periods are?
Um.. the shedding of the uterus lining and the unfertalized egg? What does that have to do with what I said? We've been knowing what periods are and yet this myth persists, thats my point
Women lose eggs every menstrual cycle. That’s what the biological clock is.
No...its not. "A woman's "biological clock" refers to the natural decline in her fertility as she ages, primarily due to decreasing quantity and quality of eggs,". In reality, the quality of the eggs stays almost the same regardless of age. Women are literally born with all the eggs they will ever have, it makes no sense that they would deteriorate with age
inaccurate. women are born with all their eggs, those eggs age alongside the rest of the body, and their chromosomes becomes prone to errors.
Bro, where did i say they don't? I said they DO, just not as much as sperm. Sperm quality goes down rapidly with age unlike eggs which decline at a more steady rate. And like I said before, this is about freezing eggs. Why don't men freeze their sperm if it also declines with age? Why are only women required to freeze eggs when frozen sperm would also help with fertility issues and faster conception?
https://www.indiatvnews.com/health/male-fertility-decline-vs-women-egg-ageing-new-studies-2025-11-20-1018166
I don't get it. Are you mad that a man wants a certain number of kids? I get your concerns but those are typically bad men who do those horrible things.
My father was a good man where he did everything for my mom while still working. He drove her everywhere, took her to salons, made sure almost nothing besides work changed from her daily life, etc. After she gave birth he got us a nanny and I don't know what you call it but a lady who breastfed us so my mom can recover and won' have to worry about waking up late at night. He took care of us 70% of the time, my mom and his work. He didn't do anything bad to my mom and he still treats her like a queen to this day. There are plenty of good men out there similar to my dad. Many men are capable of at least taking care of the woman while she is pregnant and after birth while still working. It is exhausting sure but she did most of the labor. If they do all of that (or close to it) then it will be around 30% him and 70% her instead of the 1% you mentioned. The last name can be solved as well if you talk and agree.
It is not wrong or bad for a man to want a certain number of kids as long as he is a good man who will take care of the woman and the kids. Some people want kids and some people don't. Just talk about everything like your wants and needs before you do any of that. See if you agree and see if you trust him enough to know that he will follow his promises. People change but at least you made sure to have an agreement. You tried instead of going there blind.
I don't know what "woke" exactly means but it just seems like you didn't meet or see a lot of good relationships. You might be scared/angry/defensive as well from the way you talk. It is ok not to want kids, to want 1-4 kids or to want a lot of kids. Just know that all three come with responsibilities at some point and some are harder than others.
Let me know if I misunderstood you.
I believe they’re mostly talking about the type of men who demands a number, without taking into account the responsibilities he then will have to take, along with the struggles his wife will have to face
The paragraph just mentions random couple so I don't know what stage that is. In my family and the circle around me they discuss important things like finance and family structure before getting into that. Those two are one of the most important things for the future so I assumed it is dating (it would be weird to me if they are married or in a long term relationship without discussing the future but things could be different).
Yea I don't like those men. I put them in the bad category and it is not wrong to dislike them. They are just inconsiderate or naive where they shouldn't have kids without getting educated and be able to take responsibility.
I think couples should talk about these things first before becoming a couple/in a relationship. It just looks like a waste of time to me if you spent months and years with them without discussing any of that and it turns out they have another set of beliefs.
Maybe a little bit but I get where you're coming from
Understandable except for the cheating part. Women cheat more.
Is there a source for that? Because from what I found, men cheat more.
Edit:
First of all, if you try to claim something, it’s on you to prove it. He didn’t even try to do that and just got defensive and whiny. Second of all, what you sent was about cca 500 people, with majority being female. That’s far from an accurate representation. Third of all, you included suspicions. Men being more suspicious doesn’t prove anything. The rest of what you wrote, okey.
Another thing, “While some research has highlighted similar rates of infidelity across men and women [20,21,37,38], some literature suggests that there are gender differences in reported infidelity. Cross-culturally, men are frequently implicated as being more likely to engage in infidelity relative to women, though the form of infidelity may offer further insight into genderbased tendencies [24,37,39]. ...” this is directly from the article.
And most sources say different. For example institute for family studies says “In general, men are more likely than women to cheat, but the gender gap in infidelity varies by age.”. Or this, “57% of men overall admit to committing infidelity at some point in their lives 54% of women overall admit to committing infidelity in one or more of their relationships 22% of married men admit to having an affair at least once during their marriages 14% of married women admit to having an affair at least once during their marriages”, from perspectives counselling. I also found a lot of sources about how men cheat more when their wife/girlfriend earns less because it makes them feel emasculated ().
This is to answer the man answering my comment with his source. For some reason it doesn’t let me comment back. And no, it doesn’t matter. It starts to matter when some man tries to turn the conversation around, claims something, fails to provide any evidence & most sources are against him.
You could’ve searched for it yourself, but here you go: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225587005_Sex_Differences_in_Self-Reported_Infidelity_and_Its_Correlates
“Using a broad definition of cheating, women reported being as unfaithful or more unfaithful than men. Men were more suspicious about cheating and more likely to discover the cheating than women.”
Edit: to be clear, there are different studies pointing in both directions. I don’t think the “who cheats more” fight is relevant. Cheating is bad, whatever your gender might be. Being a women or a men doesn’t make you more prone to infidelity, it depends on your character, again, whatever your gender might be.
Also sorry, English isn’t my first language.
I've been cheated on twice, but I have never even considered cheating.
lol nice anecdote but you must’ve misread, they asked for evidence
Cool. Are you gonna answer my question and provide some source for what you’re saying, or not?
And you'll probably cheat as well.
So you won’t, okey. No point on wasting time with you then.
imo yes 😭
Dawg no