Before COVID, I was a decent student. I paid attention in class, respected teachers, had good relationships with them, and my grades were fine. When COVID hit, I struggled with mental health issues. I rarely joined Zoom classes and didn’t complete assignments.
Instead of asking why I was struggling, some teachers used public humiliation. They questioned me in front of the class, embarrassed me, and frequently reported my issues to my parents, which made my mental state worse.
Fortunately, my parents noticed I was struggling. They listened to me, reduced academic pressure, and supported me patiently, which helped me recover.
Looking back, I feel this teaching approach was harmful. Public humiliation worsened my mental health instead of helping me improve. I wonder why some teachers don’t try to build connections with struggling students and understand why they are failing. I understand teaching is stressful and underpaid, but treating students like this only causes more harm, even though I appreciate that they still try to educate me.
It is a teacher's job to report issues with behavior and attendance to parents.
Yeah, looking back, I agree that I was in the wrong for this. However, I still disagree with their method of publicly attacking me instead of having a private conversation.
I wouldn’t call talking to your parents public humiliation
My English may not be bad, but as I said earlier, they literally called me out in front of the class and publicly humiliated me. They never tried to have a proper discussion with me. Instead, they repeatedly threatened to report me to my parents as an ultimatum, all while scolding me in front of everyone.
I’m not a teacher, but you adding that in to public humiliation just because you aren’t happy about it gives unreliable narrator or immaturity mad that they went to your parents still.
I acknowledge that I may be biased, but from my perspective, it felt like public humiliation, their words weren’t meant to correct me but to attack. I’m not a native English speaker, so my wording may sound off. The questions they directed at me felt more like personal attacks than constructive criticism.
Do you have specifics? It is zoom. It’s not like they can easily pull you aside. Stating the possible consequences is not shaming. Were you the only one being treated like this or did you feel like you were being singled out. That feeling is valid but, it needs to be expressed to the teacher if it is just how they handle it for every one.
Thank you again for trying to understand my perspective, rather than seeing me as a clown, which I suspect many of you might. I’m not the only student treated this way, students who are seen as “problematic” are often subjected to similar treatment.
Since most of my comments come from people in the U.S. and Canada, while I’m from Indonesia, there’s naturally some disconnection between our cultural and educational experiences. In my high school, teachers really did use public humiliation as a teaching tool. It’s not that I’m upset just because I was called out publicly, it wasn’t constructive correction, it was like a personal attack, and setting me up for humiliation.
There is a specific teacher whose role is to support students facing challenges like mine, called bimbingan konseling. But my option to seek help from her was complicated, because other students shared her personal information with other teachers, and instead of addressing it, she was made fun of behind her back. Sorry for the personal rant.
You can believe what you want, but this really happened at my school. I know that, for the most part, teachers genuinely cared about their students, even if their methods were flawed. I can still remember that the same teacher who publicly humiliated me later invited me to personal tutoring in her spare time. When she taught me, she was genuinely passionate and dedicated to helping me study. I just still don’t understand why she chose to use public humiliation.
It isn’t your teachers’ job to manage your mental health. Tell your parents you’d like to speak with a therapist for your anxiety and depression. Correcting your behavior in front of the class is not “public humiliation,” and it is literally a requirement that teachers keep parents informed of what’s happening in the classroom.
I understand your point, but I disagree with their method because it worsened my mental health. I was already dealing with stress and anxiety, and being called out in front of the class didn’t help. I’m not asking teachers to manage my mental health, I’m saying that this approach was harmful. I may not be a native English speaker, but I understand the difference between correcting behavior and public humiliation. It felt more like they wanted to showcase my failure than help me improve.
Questioning you "in front of the class" is simply a practical compromise as they are required to police everyone else at all times AND they are way too short of time to set up individual 1-to-1 meetings with everyone who skips a homework or fails a test.
You might find that embarassing, but that's not the point of it. If you wanted to avoid that, then proactively letting them know in advance you are dealing with a significant issue would help.
As for informing your parents, they are required to do that as part of their job, so your parents who know you best and who are ultimately responsible for providing any additional support can play their role. Hiding that you've started failing everything and apparently not giving a damn for half a year and then revealing that problem way down the line isn't OK.
They do, but 9 times our of ten it doesn't work at all and if everyone in the room sees the consequence of "slacking off and doing badly" is a cozy wee chat where you are given special treatment then half the class will act as you are. Instead if its a bit rough (at first) that filters out the chances and if the issue remains despite that pressure that means its serious enough to raise the alarm and organise an intervention.
Depends. An environment where the majority are arsing about, barely working and are treated far too softly causes a lot of harm too. The people like yourself with actual issues are hidden between loads of others that just need a stern talking to and then they don't get the help they need. Teachers have to optimise what time, resources and energy they do have for maximum overall benefit on average, not just do whatever feels best for one random kid in one specific situation on one occasion.
Well, this might be the comment I was looking for. I can finally see the teacher’s perspective and get some real insight. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fully understand the problem I was dealing with, and the teacher didn’t know my situation, which I now see as an unfortunate misconception. Looking back, I realize I should have tried to explain my problem to them and told them how it was affecting me.
The issue isn't you or the teacher, its the reality of one person managing a large group of 20-30 people amongst hundreds they teach each week with minimal time for deeper exploration, preparation or playing detective to figure out why so and so is doing such and such.
Try not to take it too personally, they are just doing their job within the limits of the system.
Thank you so much, your comment really helped me gain insight and face reality. I don’t hate teachers, I truly appreciate their hard work. Your comment made me appreciate them even more. Even if I were in their position, it would definitely be hard to know the names of over 300 students, let alone manage them all and find which one have issues. I really can’t thank you enough.
No bother at all.
If you didn't get on Zoom, how was the teacher supposed to "have a discussion " with you?
None of this is the teacher's fault, and it sounds like they are the one who told your parents so you could get the emotional help you needed.
Stop being mad at the wrong person.
I’m not from the US, but the teachers had all my contact information, including my phone number, and before COVID I frequently messaged them. After COVID hit, though, they didn’t even bother to reach out. To clarify, it’s more like 40% of the time I didn’t attend Zoom classes and 60% of the time I was playing video games during Zoom.
Yeah, you are seriously mad at the wrong person.
Well, couldn’t you take a bit more time to explain? If I’m in the wrong, it would really help me learn and grow.
Sure. You are responsible for your choices. Youchose to skip class. You chose not to turn in assignments. Of course it increased your anxiety!
Your parents are responsible for knowing where you are. They are responsible for tracking your academics. No one should ever have to tell them you're not in class, and not turning in assignments. They are responsible for noticing your mental health. They are responsible for getting you help. These things are literally their role as parents.
Your teacher's job was to show up, to teach, and to grade assignments. They're not the cause of your mental health issues. They're not trained therapists, they're teachers. They teach the kids who bother to show up.
Very well, I guess ignoring the fact that my mental health challenges make it hard for me to show up or even complete assignments. But I agree with your point in the second paragraph, great job calling me out. I should have informed my parents about my school situation and other issues, that was my failure, so thank you.
I also want to clarify that I never said the teachers caused my mental health problems. I already had mental health challenges, and it’s just that some teaching methods may have worsened my state.
Regarding the last paragraph, I think our teaching cultures are different. In my country, teachers are expected not only to educate but also to actively teach. That’s why I have high respect for them, because they must fulfill this challenging role. Teachers aren’t just expected to show up,.they are expected to build student discipline and genuinely care for students. So most of us don’t see it as just a job, but more like a duty, to wholeheartedly teach and guide their students.
Your teachers did actively teach. But you weren't there.
No one is ignoring your mental health challenges, believe me. But that was on you and your parents. Mostly your parents.
Yeah, they actively teach, but their methods may sometimes seem off. Regardless, I think the failure was mine for not expressing my problems. Except for a few, most of my teachers could understand, and it’s true that it was also my parents’ responsibility to care for my mental health, which they did an excellent job at. Great discussion, and thank you for taking the time to actually respond
So, it was 100% of the time that you weren't attentive to class.
Expecting a personal phone call to provide you with emotional support is bonkers. Teachers aren't therapists.
Well, again, I probably shouldn’t have posted this on Reddit without explaining the cultural differences. In my country, teachers are expected to discipline students and talk with them, and they often emphasize their role in building students’ character.
Because of that, I found it disappointing that while they frequently boast about character-building, when I became a problem student, no one really tried to sit down and talk with me. I think my expectations were shaped by that culture, and I may have misunderstood the situation.
How could someone have sat down with you? You weren't coming to class, and there was a pandemic. That doesn't make you a problem student. It makes you an absent one. Building character is not the same as being a social worker.
English isn’t my native language, so there may be some misunderstanding. That said, arranging a phone or video call with my parents is very common in my country, and it was always an option. I’m not asking teachers to replace my parents, I just expected them to talk to me first instead of immediately turning the situation into public drama.
After COVID, I entered high school and was still recovering. Fortunately, I met a great teacher who talked with me, built a relationship, and discussed why I was failing. I was also able to share my side. With his support and my parents’ help, I regained confidence, improved my attendance and grades, and moved from rank 62 to the top 7 within about a year and a half, while relearning what I had missed. I was even selected for the Physics Olympiad, though I didn’t win. Sorry for the boast, I just feel like some people see me only as a failing student making excuses.
Also, if you read my post carefully, I said some teachers, not all. I’m simply trying to understand why some teachers don’t try to build connections with struggling students which others have already helped explain.
Look at the contradiction in that first paragraph. "Arranging a phone call with my parents is common," and that's what the teacher did! Your expectation that you'd be consulted first is bizarre. Maybe you would have been if you had come to class. And telling your parents is not "public drama." It's the teacher's job.
Great that you met a teacher you liked. That has no relevance at all. People sometimes do more than they are required.
If you read my replies, I'm not trying to discuss all teachers. I'm discussing you.
I think is should work on my English a little more. I meant getting me with my parent to have a called with my teacher should be what I meant. Well could you give me more insight on why is it that I'd be consulted first is bizarre? No I never meant that my teacher telling to my parents is a public drama, I agree with that and I have no problem with them telling my parents.
Yeah true, he probably do more than he required but that felt great for me as he completely change my life, and same for you. You are probably a great teacher too, like who's trying to teach some random redditor that you would never meet.
Well should strengthen my English comprehension then, but thanks for caring for me.
Is that what they're trying to do? Teach?
Yeah I respect them for trying to teach, but I disagree with their method.
I don't know if teachers trying to humiliate students is an attempt to teach.
They should be informing your parents. That’s responsibility not humiliation.
Asking you about why you did not do the assignment is not necessarily an attempt at humiliation. It is a reasonable question. Maybe it hits a little hard on zoom but, your teacher was still probably figuring out how to run class on zoom.
Can you provide specifics? Public humiliation can be really bad. However, in my opinion, if your behavior is public then calling it out in public is acceptable. Although, when dealing with students, especially children, some exceptions should be observed.
Yep, I acknowledge that I was biased and wrong in this part. The way my teacher spoke felt like an ultimatum “Listen to me and answer, or I’ll report to your parents” so I probably got a bit hurt over that.
And wow, I really appreciate that you’re trying to understand my perspective, because most comments didn’t even bother to listen. I can definitely understand the teacher’s point of view,it’s definitely hard to manage a whole classroom, especially during COVID. I agree it’s fine to give constructive criticism and point out bad behavior, but my teacher used personal attacks and interrogation-like tactics that felt like they were trying to create drama and humiliate me.
Just to note, I was only 13–14 years old back then, still immature, dealing with mental health issues, and being publicly humiliated. This didn’t happen to me before COVID as my grade was good, and I also noticed some teachers trying to humiliate failing students.
It’s different in every case. However, generally, if you get to be an ass in public, I get to talk about how to be a kind, respectful, and loving person in public.
So, you skipped class and didn't do work? Sounds like you got embarrassed because when you were there the teacher wanted to bring you into the conversation but you didn't know anything. Then the teacher told your parents...and you think that was abusive somehow?
Was the teacher not supposed to tell your parents? How do you envision that working?
You talk about building connections, but I'd be delighted to know what you think that should look like if a student rarely attends even online and gets pissy when a teacher talks to them.
Yeah, your points make sense. I probably shouldn’t have posted this on Reddit in the first place. Believe what you want, but in my country, some teachers do use public humiliation as a way to discipline students, so culture definitely plays a role.
There is also a specific teacher who handles problem students this way. She did try to have a private conversation with me to understand my situation, but at this point I no longer trust her, as she has a reputation for being unreliable. My English is not native so I should have written it more better.
If you read my other comments, you’ll see that I’ve already acknowledged I was wrong about the parents part, so you’re right to point that out, just like many others have.
Look. You complain that no one reached out, then say someone did. You're mad that people didn't try to talk to you to really understand you, but your parents did (and only as a result of the teacher talking to them). Also, you yourself rejected a teacher's help based on nothing but rumor, when what you demand is that people do the opposite with you.
You have no foundation for complaint. You are your own enemy. Go to class. Talk to people when they reach out. Don't judge people based on rumors.
And stop whining.
Yeah, sure, bud. I definitely respect you for trying to give me advice and reaching out, even though this question is already kind of dead, so thank you for that.
It’s not a rumor, it’s a well-known issue that this teacher likes to gossip about students’ personal situations. My friend shared her family problems with this teacher, and later she immediately caught the teacher talking about it behind her back. She was really hurt by that and ended up hating the school because of it.
Maybe it’s better not to judge other people’s lived experiences based on your own assumptions, or to dismiss their claims without actually listening first. That said, your first comment is still valid, and I appreciate it. To be honest, it’s not that my teacher tried to have a real discussion with my parents—they mostly just kept reporting my absences and other issues, which is fair and part of their job.
As for the “whining” part, I wasn’t trying to complain; I was genuinely curious about why they acted the way they did. You may see it as whining, but I was just trying to understand the reason behind it.
Yeah, sure.
That sounds like a question.
Yeah this is going nowhere
Yeah. Not admitting you're at fault is slowing things down.
Yeah. Please tell me my fault, I am trying to know, really not a satire. I am still immature teenager and this could probably help me grow
What a compassionate bunch! I have to push back on this expectation that students with mental health challenges should be expected to advocate for themselves. The inability to self-advocate effectively is often a core symptom of mental health struggles. Executive dysfunction, depression, anxiety, and trauma all impair this skill. We're asking students to demonstrate the very competency their condition undermines. Yes, teachers should report classroom issues to parents, but defending public humiliation? That's repugnant.
Well, you may be downvoted, but I sincerely thank you for caring about the mental health challenges students face. I have great respect for that.