He tried to convince me we were from similar economic backgrounds. I said my mom made $30k growing up and his mom made $300k that's not the same, and he said "that's basically the same"
When he told me how stupid the post office was because they sent the mail back to our address … I looked at it and immediately noticed that he used a flag STICKER, not a stamp, to mail it out.
Not dating -- but years ago I had a coworker that peeled a self-adhesive stamp off from the little folder they're sold on, and licked it. She gave it a funny look and kinda smacked her tongue on her lips a couple times. Then she pressed it onto the envelope, but it wouldn't stick anymore, so BAM BAM BAM she pounded on it with her fist. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
I had a moment like this in my teens, cooking some mustard chicken dish. The fumes were burning my nose and eyes, and granted I thought "Nah, can't be this easy to make a chemical weapon", I still went on the computer and did a quick google search to make sure, before continuing. :-P
Random fact: during the World Wars, mustard gas was observed to have profound effects on lymph tissue and bone marrow, leading to the use of nitrogen mustards as the first chemotherapy drugs. We still use derivatives of these drugs today in oncology, the best-known one probably being cyclophosphamide. Nasty stuff but effective at killing cancer cells.
I thought he was joking about being a flat earther. He really was, and he was deep into it. Didn’t know how deep until one of my friends pretended to believe the earth was flat and my ex unloaded all his ‘knowledge’ upon him. That was such a fun night at the bar.
It makes you feel smart when you know something that few other people know. It turns out that the thing you know doesn’t actually have to be true for that to work.
The lake that he grew up on and learned to skate on apparently freezes from the BOTTOM first, and then the ice flips over (?) and floats to the top. Dude was a semi-pro hockey player.
Also, birds don't fly at night. If you see a bird at night, it's a bat.
The vast majority of songbird species migrate at night which is why you generally dont see migration occuring (blackbirds, crows, geese, and some other exceptions occur)
I dated him! He also proudly told me he didn't keep salt in the house because salt is bad for you & he doesn't put salt on his food, while eating a diet of prepared foods from the market and grocery.
We were playing trivial pursuit with friends and this question came up. “What is the capital of Pennsylvania”. I knew my gf had it in the bag, PA was her home state and it’s where we were playing.
She said with confidence “New York”.
I chimed in “Oh no that’s ok, you obviously didn’t hear the question. The question is what’s the capital of PA?”
Not my SO, but the guy who's now my BIL. We played Trivial Pursuit and he had two zingers in one game. To the question "what continent is Mexico on?" He answered "South America, because it's south of America." And to some type of question about the name of the farthest point in a planet's orbit he said "Maximus Anus" with an unparalleled confidence.
I worked with a guy who was a compulsive liar. One time he told me he’d been to every part of Asia except South Korea. I asked, “you mean North Korea?” and he replied, “no, South. I’ve been to North Korea.” Then he asked me why I was giving him that look.
I started keeping a notepad file on my computer of the random shit he lied about.
EDIT: I know it’s not impossible to visit North Korea in 2012, but that guy was known for lying about dumb shit.
I’m an American living in South Korea. Whenever I visit my family and meet new people I mention that I live in Korea. 9/10 people say North or South? Funny thing is they’re not always joking. I suppose I could just say “South Korea” when I bring it up so maybe that’s on me haha. I just think it’s so strange
I worked for many years as a laser physicist.
A newish boyfriend asked where the word "laser" came from.
I told him it was an acronym from the words "light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation".
He didn't believe me. He googled it and declared Google to be wrong when it gave him the same answer.
I showed him a pre-internet textbook that said EXACTLY the same thing.
Grudgingly he accepted it.
He also didn't believe that lasers pre-dated the ubiquity of the internet.
He checked Google and immediately declared Google wrong because it disagreed with him again.
That level of stubborn stupidity was too much to bear.
He wanted to try heroin... and thought I was being unsupportive when I said that was the dumbest idea. There was no recreational drug use in the relationship... so that suggestion was a sharp left. He was a rich kid who wanted to know what it was like to be poor. What an idiot.
Yeah I knew a guy who did drugs and lamented how movies like Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream "make drugs seem soooooo good" and seemed to blame that in part for his addiction.
I watched those fucking movies and NO THEY DON'T! They show horrible things and sure as hell didn't make me want to try heroin.
He was also rich and now he's dead, the dumb fuck.
Yes, Trainspotting with the dead baby on the ceiling, and the constipation and the diarrhea, and the suppositories, and the AIDS and the squats and the skintness. Sooooo much fun 🙄
He told me that he didn't know the difference between the written words do and due and when to use which spelling. He argued it was OK, though, because nobody knows.
His supervisor at a government agency asked him to check his grammar before sending emails and he was highly offended.
Oh I know the type. Ex husband told me off for saying I loved my dog. I honestly thought he was joking. Then he got pear shaped when I said I loved chocolate. Apparently I was supposed to love only him. WTAF? The kicker: if ever I dared call him out on his bullsh1t, I was labelled the over-emotional irrational one in the relationship. Still love my dog. Still love chocolate. He's history.
I broke up with a guy because he was too jealous of my dog. He’d sit on the opposite end of the couch glaring and saying “Wow I wish anyone paid me that much attention” when I was snuggling my pup
Ugh. I feel you. I took care of the family dog (we lived with my in-laws, and he was technically theirs even though I was the one caring for him) while he was dying from cancer. I did my best to show this dog, our beloved companion of 15 years, that he was loved and cherished in his final days. After he passed, my ex-husband said that he was jealous of the love that I'd shown the dog. We argued for weeks over that. In the end, he claimed that he understood why it was wrong to be jealous of a dying dog.
A few years later, my own dog (shared with my lovely sister-in-law, whom I still cherish) was dying from Cushing's and dementia. He'd been my most loyal and loving companion; so, of course, I wanted to return that love and loyalty in his final days.
MY EX-HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT MY AFFECTION WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RESERVED FOR ONLY HIM, and that I was HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH THE DOG.
My divorce was finalized last month, thank everything sacred.
ETA: I thought it would also be worth mentioning that the first dog, the one with cancer, had TRAINED HIMSELF to be my hypoglycemia detection dog. I'm a T1 diabetic, and he literally kicked my butt out of bed more than once so that I could raise my blood sugar in the middle of the night. The second dog taught himself to recognize my panic attacks, sometimes even before I realized what was happening, and would lay on my chest until I calmed down. All fifty pounds of him. My babies were way more than "just" pets. He knew this.
I got in letter in the email a few months ago stating I owed $53 in child support and to call to pay immediately. It was addressed to FirstName,MiddleName,Firstname. I told my girlfriend to throw it out. Started getting weird identity theft triggers. HR told me someone opened up an unemployment claim in my name. Trying to trace it down girlfriend told me it couldn't be the child support letter because she called the number on the letter and gave them all my information to clear up the misunderstanding.
From this day onwards, every time I think a story is poorly written because of the stupid mistakes the characters make to advance the story, I will remember your (hopefully ex) girlfriend.
You might want to check the music around you the next few days because she might actually have pushed you into a poorly written thriller.
He was American military, I'm British. We got into an argument because he said USA was the only country that had been actually attacked in WW2 (pearl harbour).
We in the UK hadn't actually faced any hardship during the war. Neither had any civilians in Europe, it was just the soldiers on the front lines. Never heard of any cities or anywhere getting bombed, nothing about the blitz.
Hahaha.
I actually love this. Why does he think it was a world war…???
On second thought, it might be why only American baseball teams tend to win the World Series!
He tried to tell me we dont have proof that the world is more than 2000 years old. I was an anthropology major at the time, wrong person to have that conversation with 🤣
Yeah I can see not needing to understand the age of the world to do engineering physics, but astrophysics... none of that shit makes sense if you think the earth is only 6000 years old
Yep, he also believed carbon dating was a hoax lol. I heavily distanced myself from him during 2nd year when I found out he was an idiot, but I would love to ask him how we observe objects more than 6,000 light years away, and see him try to justify it haha.
Went on a number of dates with a woman. Every other conversation held with her was fun and engaging so things were going smoothly.
On the last date WWII came up and she said “Its just so sad about how all the Jewish people ended up dying even though the whole world fought to protect them”. I asked for further clarification since I wasn’t quite sure I understood what she meant by that statement.
“Oh did you not know all the Jews are extinct? That’s how WWII ended. Hitler found the last Jew and killed them all”.
She was dead serious. No amount of other facts would convince her. It was… enlightening to say the least
his car engine was making awful noise. I told him to oil change. he said no he just had one 2 years ago. dude does 150k a year with the car. he says the sound stops when he revs up on the highway. i told him to stop doing that.
but i guesss girls know nothing bout cars right?
edit: Idk the english words, but he did bring it to repair when it sounded like a helicopter coming for 3 months. nockenwelle was ribbing off motor, it took down 3 cm of the motorkopf. the mechanic was baffled.
Just a couple of weeks ago I met an elderly family friend who informed me that he hasn’t changed the oil or done any kind of servicing whatsoever on his car for seven years, and that it’s “running fine.” He said annual servicing is just a scam, and he knows when to get something done. I offered to help find him a reputable mechanic but he refused, saying he doesn’t trust anyone out there.
They say this, then send thousands of dollars to scammers via gift card or other outlandish scams. Vaccines, car maintenance? Scams! My long lost relatives needing $3,000 in Amazon gift cards or they'll arrest them, no problem!
They asked me why birds don’t get electrocuted on power lines, listened to the explanation, and said ‘nah, that doesn’t sound right.’ Immediate clarity.
That is not as bad as an ENGINEERING student response: why does the fan keep turning even after you switch off? it takes a while for all electrons to get through
On our second (and final) date when I asked him when he’d last been tested for STDs and he said he’d never been tested because he’d only ever been in monogamous relationships.
Later, he casually admitted that he’d slept with someone the day before our date, (this was fine, we weren’t exclusive and we also weren’t sleeping together) BUT his claims of monogamy just fell flat.
When she told me that the 3 grand the local council gave her to relocate got blown on worthless shite and partying; and not furniture for her next living space like they intended.
And then in the next sentence asked me what I was earning, before stating she'd never worked a day in her life.
We were both starving college students, 18-19 years old. I was on scholarship working two jobs and taking as many courses as possible, while he was living off of loans and didn’t work, taking 1-2 classes at a time.
He got kicked out of his student housing because he didn’t pay his fees. So I agreed to let him temporarily stay with me in my apartment with my tons and tons of roommates, because the roommates were understanding, and nobody wanted him to be homeless.
Super nice guy. But one night we had a deep conversation about childhood that really threw me off.
He was on the verge of tears talking about how hard his childhood was, growing up poor and seeing his single mom struggle to pay the minimal bills. How he was going to break the poverty cycle and do something different with his life, so he would never have to struggle again.
I mentioned that one of my jobs was hiring, and he could walk in the next day and get steady work with flexible hours that worked around a university schedule. And he scoffed and looked at me like I was insane, and he was insulted at the idea of getting a job.
He then talked about his brilliant idea to apply for a need-based loan meant to buy textbooks and pay for emergency housing for students who were in crisis.
I was enthusiastic about the idea, and that it would be amazingly helpful for him, so he could get a stable place to live (besides staying with me in my crowded share house and paying no rent) and be able to get back on track to graduate.
He laughed in my face, said he had already been granted the loan money, and that he spent it ALL on a new gaming system, clothes, a watch, and some cosmetic shit for his car.
….Because after a childhood of not getting fancy things, he felt he deserved to have those things, and it was more important than paying me and my roommates back, or getting his life in order.
He already had a recent game system and nice clothes, btw. His mom shared the same sentiment that luxuries and name brands were more important than paying rent or utilities or buying food.
Broke up with him over text the next day once he left my apartment, and had my roommates help him get his stuff out.
I spent the next couple months paying my roommates back for what his portion of the bills should have been while he stayed with us.
But it was well worth it to be free of someone who was always going to make bad choices and mooch off of everyone.
I had a friend date this girl for a while. They moved in together and rented this rather large house for the two of them while he was still an electrical apprentice. He asked me to come over and have a talk with her about money. So I went over and there was a new car in the driveway?? Ok... Went inside. New couch, table, decorations on the walls etc. they recently got a dog as well. She tells me they have no. money to do anything and live paycheck to paycheck. We start going through their expenses and the house payment, car payment, furniture payments are all accruing interest. Why do you have a new car? "I deserve it. I was poor growing up." What?! Why do you have a large rent on a house you don't need all this space for two of you. "When our parents come over I want a bedroom and space for them to stay." She was basically showing off to the parents that they had a good house. All at the expense of their financial well being. Everything she did was to be and act richer than she was in childhood but at the expense of bankruptcy.
This was a first (and last) date but she said that she loves reading, and I asked what types of books she likes to read. She said “bibliographies.” I said “hmmm so a book about other books?” She replies, “no, it’s a book about someone’s life. I also like books people write about their own lives, autobibliographies. Have you really never heard of a bibliography?” with an roll of the eyes. Could have been a silly mistake, but I had to say something. She proceeded to argue with me for probably ten minutes, even after I tried to laugh it off and change the subject. At some point I asked her to take out her phone and Google it, and she did. After that she straight up refused to speak to me for the rest of the meal. We did not stay for desert.
In college, my 21-year-old lazy stoner un-athletic bf told me and a group full of women, with confidence, that he could beat Serena Williams in a tennis match
A guy I was with a long time ago who didn't dance in any way EVER, told me he could dance like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, then refused to prove it, then still insisted he could because those dance moves were nothing and anyone could do them.
All this bull because I made a comment while we watched the movie about how Travolta may be a dufus but he sure had some dance moves. I don't even find him attractive ffs! I was only saying the guy could dance!
Confident in my ability to properly tennis, I take the court. I smile at my opponent. Serena does not return the gesture. She'd be prettier if she did, I think. She serves. The ball passes cleanly through my skull, killing me instantly.
He vehemently tried to tell me I was wrong and the saying wasn’t “diamond in the rough” but rather “diamond in the Roth”. I asked him what he thought a Roth was, and this dumb MFer described a desert mirage. I said “okay, even if that is what it is, explain to me how it makes the saying make sense.” He got really mad. That was one of many factual misunderstandings from that dumbass, but it’s the one my sister and I laugh about to this day.
After i broke up with him, a friend told me he proposed to another girl with the ring I gave back, but she broke up with him because he got a stripper pregnant while they were engaged. Hope you’re continuing to live the life you deserve, Jonathan!
Funny. We had a similar running gag at my university games club.
Several of the math students constantly made mistakes when counting points in games, or doing other simple arithmetic. These were straight A students in their courses.
My husband asked the doctor, can he take our newborn home. ( I was still in recovery asleep, not yet met my baby, just had a 12 hour terrible labour, son nearly died, folliwed by energency ceasar) my mum and the doctor just looked at him and said nothing.
Edit - I should have said ex husband. I left him 9 monthe later.
I had an argument with my ex because she was convinced that my house had propane, not natural gas. I had lived in the house for 5 years at that point and she had moved in about a year prior to this argument.
I printed out the PGE statement and she insisted they were incorrectly charging us for natural gas because we were on propane. I asked her to show me where our propane tank was. Id lived there for 4 years longer than her at that point and I've never seen it. Obviously having never had it filled otherwise I'd know where it was.
Took her outside and showed her the gas meter and where it came from and where the gas line was routed out to the street. She swore up and down that the line went to the propane tank that was buried underground like the septic is.
When she blew through her whole 45000 dollars divorce settlement in less than 6 months and was bitching about how bad she needed money all while living rent free
My ex blew 85k from an inheritance in one year because he didn’t want to save it “because of taxes” then whined after that we needed to get serious about our spending habits.
I had an ovarian cancer scare and had some tests done. He came over completely frantic wanting to talk.
He was terrified that I might have given him ovarian cancer.
When he said his mother kissed him on the mouth when she had a cold sore to intentionally give him oral herpes so he could "never get herpes down there". That's was when I realised both him and his mother were idiots. He had been 16. Believed it until he was in his 40s. Yes, I got checked.
The dumbest part of that is that the legend of vampires not having reflections came from a time period where mirrors were made of silver and silver was "too pure" to reflect a vampire's evil.
Modern mirrors have no silver, so they would work fine for a vampire.
Her full story was:
She was a princess from pluto. Some bad thing happened so she had to come to earth and while crossing the stratosphere she became a vampire.
When we tell her we can see her reflection, she says its different for her. That she sees nothing. She also claims to get a different kind of cancer every 2 months. She also gagged and vomitted whenever we mention garlic or someone brings a dish that contains garlic.
When she called me and asked if I knew the emergency number for 911.
Me: “911”
Her: "Yeah, that number you call if you have an emergency."
Me: "Yes, it's 911!"
Her: "Yes, those people. I'm writing emergency numbers down so I have them if there's an emergency. I found the gas company, the electric company, everybody except for 911. Do you have their number?"
Me: "I'll let you know if I run across it, talk to you then."
That was 30 years ago, she is probably still waiting for me to call her back.
He once said, quite seriously “scientists should be studying what is making the weather go crazy and like pollutions effects on the world instead of this climate change crap.”
She told me about a friend of hers who had a pet that was a cross breed between a rabbit and a cat. I tried to explain that was impossible, but dropped the subject when I could tell she was gonna start getting defensive.
We were playing kings cup and the category was countries. He said Florida. We gave him another shot then he said Miami…
Asked him how far he thinks the drop is from the top to the bottom of Niagara Falls. He said 10 feet. We were right in front of the waterfall
He had a homework question that was literally 15 divided by 3 (he was a pastry arts major so the questions were easy) and he literally starts typing it into chat gpt. I tell him to give it a try before he types it in and he said 6… (he’s 20)
The only things he was able to talk about were drama or celebrities. Dinners would be pretty quiet and whenever I’d try to talk about something other than him making fun of someone he didn’t like, he wasn’t able to keep it going.
Took him to a Bernie sanders rally and 10 minutes away from the venue he asks me who Bernie sanders is (he said he’s a political person btw)
The list goes on but tbh the worst offense was the day after we split up he hooked up with the 32 year old gay mayor of his town who was in a relationship at the time.
He tried to convince me, an evolution and archaeology nerd, that humans originated in Anatolia (he was Turkish, therefore I believe this points to a nationalist streak). He also made a disgusted face when I mentioned a colleague and his partner, making it clear they are gay, which he obviously disapproved of. That was the second date and the last one.
He refused, at length, despite me giving multiple concrete examples, to believe that there is a difference between volume and mass. He was European and couldn't wrap his mind around how a kilogram could be tied to the mass of a volume of 1 liter of water specifically and not other substances.
Like, take one container (fixed volume), fill it with mercury, and then fill it with feathers, and you'll get two very different masses. Easy, right? No. Wrong.
Then he asked a male friend who just said "they're different" and he believed him with no further questioning.
He first blew his vehicle up by not checking or maintaining any fluids, knowing his car had a slow oil leak. He then decided to do his own maintenance on his new vehicle, overfilled it with oil and did something to the engine that resulted in it being considered totaled by insurance. I let him drive my (VERY old) car for work and he decided to leave it idling in the parking lot for hours at a time, resulting in it overheating and the cost to fix it being more than the car was worth.
He did so many absolutely idiotic things in our 2 years of dating.
Rather than buy a new light bulb, he decided to test a light fitting with a multimeter to see if it was live. Spoiler alert: it was, and a 40p bulb would have saved much of what happened that day.
The electric tripped, the light fitting exploded and the multimeter in his hand caught fire. So off I went to buy a new light fitting whilst he got his electrician mate in to fix it.
9 hours later the light fitting still didn't work and the electrician was working by torchlight. Both were wondering why things still didn't work. I looked up at them both and asked 'When you last tripped the fuse box, did you reset it?' I laughed my ass off at the look that my boyfriend and the electrician gave as I walked off, both had the same realization at the same time.
I married him anyway, and now have a list of '100 ways in which my husband has tried to kill me by being a complete dumbass!' There's fires, floods, putting sharp knives in precarious places, and of course the obligatory mixing electric with water multiple times.
I asked him what goes through his mind when he is doing stuff he is definitely not qualified for and he said 'Do do do dooo do do doo doo!'
We live in the Pacific Northwest, an earthquake zone. He was born here and lived here all his life, we're taught this shit in school plus he was an adult in 1997 when we anticipated a catastrophic one. There is no way to not know this stuff unless he intentionally covered his ears and blocked out all the information.
He thought the plates don't normally touch, and that they crash together spontaneously sometimes and that's an earthquake, I asked how he thinks that happens, how is that possible without a canyon opening up along the fault lines so the plates can "back up" and get a run at it. And what's powering it? Why does it happen? Why does it happen in some places and not others?
No answers, absolute vacancy, then annoyance that I was asking these prodding questions.
I didn't bother explaining how the (literal) world works to him, I broke up with him instead. I'd been getting more annoyed with him and planned to anyway but that always sticks in my mind as being one of the final straws. He thought he was so smart and so superior to everyone, and the dumb fuck still doesn't know what earthquakes are.
My friends and I and my girlfriend were playing a game that requires us to name our favorite animals. Someone said rhinoceros- and my GF rebutted with “it has to be a REAL animal.”
We all laughed until we came to the sudden realization she was serious. She was 27 and thought the Rhino was in the same category as Unicorns and Griffens
During the pandemic he told me that smoking meth would keep you from getting COVID. I absolutely spent two weeks tending to him and his dumbass roommate when they got infected. Not for nothing but I never got COVID and I was the only one in this story who didn’t smoke meth so…
she was moving for school and found this totally perfect bachelor apartment near the school and all she had to do was western union 1 month's rent as a deposit to a PO box then somebody would mail her a key
I told her this was a scam and she told me I had to back off and stop making her feel stupid. we broke up. also it was a scam and she ended up going broke abroad and ended up sharing a bed with my other ex girlfriend because "she was always bi"
We ate dinner at my family’s house and were tasked with cleaning the table. I asked him to wipe up the crumbs so I could wipe down the table. He shuffles all the crumbs off the side of the table into his palm and then dumps his handful of crumbs onto the floor.
I got my period during sex, he got some blood on him and he panicked because he didn’t want to catch aids. He was wearing a condom and I’m not HIV positive!
This was in like 2011, dude was 23yo. Broke up with him pretty shortly afterwards lol.
When he believed Tylenol causes autism. Brought up how I sprained my ankle and took a Tylenol and then proceeded to tell me that’s why I’m so autistic.
He claimed he was a history buff too and that he had grown up on a farm. Great! I took him to a local, very famous, historical house. I don't remember all the strange comments he made but I do remember the one that broke my brain.
As we were coming up on a couple of smaller vegetable garden areas, he smirked. "And what are they growing here?" he asked. "Weeds?" he added on. I just remember blinking because, if he had grown up on a farm, this was farming 101.
"Uh, it's being left to fallow," I said, figuring that would be it. Nope.
He proceeded to ask questions about what "fallow" meant, how the heck I knew that, and if I wouldn't like him because he wasn't as into history as much as me (despite previously telling me he was). I never went on another date with him after that.
You can like other things, you can even not know things, but don't lie about it!
When she asked if the sun ever sets in front of the clouds.
Oh bless.
I had one that thought we had 2 moons but then she got glasses
This is actually kinda sad.
😭 I started using glasses at 16 and omggg.. I had noooo idea how much of the world i was missing until i put them on. 😆I feel this🌔🌔
He tried to convince me we were from similar economic backgrounds. I said my mom made $30k growing up and his mom made $300k that's not the same, and he said "that's basically the same"
Why are people with a lot of money so often so determined to believe they are average middle-class?
When he told me how stupid the post office was because they sent the mail back to our address … I looked at it and immediately noticed that he used a flag STICKER, not a stamp, to mail it out.
Idk why, I'm just sitting here drinking my coffee but straight sat here and giggled about this for a few minutes...."a flag STICKER.."
Not dating -- but years ago I had a coworker that peeled a self-adhesive stamp off from the little folder they're sold on, and licked it. She gave it a funny look and kinda smacked her tongue on her lips a couple times. Then she pressed it onto the envelope, but it wouldn't stick anymore, so BAM BAM BAM she pounded on it with her fist. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard.
Couldn’t be in the room as I put mustard on my sandwich. Said he was afraid of mustard gas. I wish I was kidding.
This one is kinda funny, afraid of mustard gas so he went ahead and let you be in all the danger.
I'd throw myself on top of the Gray Poupon for my GF
I had a moment like this in my teens, cooking some mustard chicken dish. The fumes were burning my nose and eyes, and granted I thought "Nah, can't be this easy to make a chemical weapon", I still went on the computer and did a quick google search to make sure, before continuing. :-P
Random fact: during the World Wars, mustard gas was observed to have profound effects on lymph tissue and bone marrow, leading to the use of nitrogen mustards as the first chemotherapy drugs. We still use derivatives of these drugs today in oncology, the best-known one probably being cyclophosphamide. Nasty stuff but effective at killing cancer cells.
Should have explained to him, that the dangerous gas is only produced later, when the mustard is processed in the digestive tract.
She got out of the bathtub and immediately poured what was remaining of her candles down our bathroom sink.
She's probably also the kind of person who needs to be informed that you shouldn't go pouring used cooking oil down the drain.
I thought he was joking about being a flat earther. He really was, and he was deep into it. Didn’t know how deep until one of my friends pretended to believe the earth was flat and my ex unloaded all his ‘knowledge’ upon him. That was such a fun night at the bar.
I wish I could understand why they believe that
It makes you feel smart when you know something that few other people know. It turns out that the thing you know doesn’t actually have to be true for that to work.
He laughed at my friend for not knowing a thing that I had JUST spent the last five minutes explaining to HIM. I was so confused.
And then a few weeks later, with a condescending smirk, he explained the same thing back to you, having immediately forgotten he learned it from you.
Where did you meet my husband?
Oh he gets around
Bet if you asked him now, he wouldn't remember a thing about the subject.
The lake that he grew up on and learned to skate on apparently freezes from the BOTTOM first, and then the ice flips over (?) and floats to the top. Dude was a semi-pro hockey player.
Also, birds don't fly at night. If you see a bird at night, it's a bat.
The vast majority of songbird species migrate at night which is why you generally dont see migration occuring (blackbirds, crows, geese, and some other exceptions occur)
This is why parents need to tell kids the truth and not make up dumb shit. That sounds like parent story 101.
You nailed it. My mom used to do this, and does it to my 5 year old now. I never make up bullshit stuff like that.
Said he didn't know how to use a stove. Then when I would cook he would get mad because "that's not how his mom makes it"
I dated him! He also proudly told me he didn't keep salt in the house because salt is bad for you & he doesn't put salt on his food, while eating a diet of prepared foods from the market and grocery.
We were playing trivial pursuit with friends and this question came up. “What is the capital of Pennsylvania”. I knew my gf had it in the bag, PA was her home state and it’s where we were playing.
She said with confidence “New York”.
I chimed in “Oh no that’s ok, you obviously didn’t hear the question. The question is what’s the capital of PA?”
“She said “yea it’s New York!”
I was totally dumbfounded
New York isn't even the capital of New York.
Yeah obviously, it can’t be the capital of New York it’s the capital of PA
Not my SO, but the guy who's now my BIL. We played Trivial Pursuit and he had two zingers in one game. To the question "what continent is Mexico on?" He answered "South America, because it's south of America." And to some type of question about the name of the farthest point in a planet's orbit he said "Maximus Anus" with an unparalleled confidence.
I want to know who taught him about maximus anus. That has to be a longterm prank on him from someone.
Someone named Biggus Dickus.
He mentioned a friend of his got offered a teaching job in Korea. I borrowed a Bill Bryson line and said “North or South?”
He texted the friend to ask, then said “South. Apparently North Korea’s some kind of military dictatorship?”
Then claimed I was the ridiculous one for expecting a middle-class dude with a university degree to be aware Korea was divided.
I worked with a guy who was a compulsive liar. One time he told me he’d been to every part of Asia except South Korea. I asked, “you mean North Korea?” and he replied, “no, South. I’ve been to North Korea.” Then he asked me why I was giving him that look.
I started keeping a notepad file on my computer of the random shit he lied about.
EDIT: I know it’s not impossible to visit North Korea in 2012, but that guy was known for lying about dumb shit.
I’m an American living in South Korea. Whenever I visit my family and meet new people I mention that I live in Korea. 9/10 people say North or South? Funny thing is they’re not always joking. I suppose I could just say “South Korea” when I bring it up so maybe that’s on me haha. I just think it’s so strange
I worked for many years as a laser physicist. A newish boyfriend asked where the word "laser" came from. I told him it was an acronym from the words "light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation". He didn't believe me. He googled it and declared Google to be wrong when it gave him the same answer. I showed him a pre-internet textbook that said EXACTLY the same thing. Grudgingly he accepted it. He also didn't believe that lasers pre-dated the ubiquity of the internet. He checked Google and immediately declared Google wrong because it disagreed with him again. That level of stubborn stupidity was too much to bear.
What exactly was he wanting the answer to be? Also thank you for the laser fact, we didn't know that.
it being alien technology and it was developed from the new found element lasium
He wanted to try heroin... and thought I was being unsupportive when I said that was the dumbest idea. There was no recreational drug use in the relationship... so that suggestion was a sharp left. He was a rich kid who wanted to know what it was like to be poor. What an idiot.
Did he come from Greece with a thirst for knowledge?
Study sculpture at St Martin's college by any chance?
He should've started at the supermarket instead of starting with trying heroin.
Yeah, you gotta start somewhere.
I bet he'll have a rum and Coca Cola.
Tell him to cut his hair and get a job.
Yeah I knew a guy who did drugs and lamented how movies like Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream "make drugs seem soooooo good" and seemed to blame that in part for his addiction.
I watched those fucking movies and NO THEY DON'T! They show horrible things and sure as hell didn't make me want to try heroin.
He was also rich and now he's dead, the dumb fuck.
Yes, Trainspotting with the dead baby on the ceiling, and the constipation and the diarrhea, and the suppositories, and the AIDS and the squats and the skintness. Sooooo much fun 🙄
"Chocolate comes from the chocolate veins of Africa" and "you cannot fly there because of Bermuda triangle". Phew.
Some uncle trolled that guy good back when he was four
He told me that he didn't know the difference between the written words do and due and when to use which spelling. He argued it was OK, though, because nobody knows.
His supervisor at a government agency asked him to check his grammar before sending emails and he was highly offended.
The report is do tomorrow, so due your best!
"Nobody knows" is a bulletproof defense however.
he didn’t want me changing in front of my dog, and glared at my dog… 🙃
...... what?
Oh I know the type. Ex husband told me off for saying I loved my dog. I honestly thought he was joking. Then he got pear shaped when I said I loved chocolate. Apparently I was supposed to love only him. WTAF? The kicker: if ever I dared call him out on his bullsh1t, I was labelled the over-emotional irrational one in the relationship. Still love my dog. Still love chocolate. He's history.
This is comical.. how is bro feeling threatened by a piece of chocolate 😭
I briefly dated one who was jealous of me reading a book. I was "paying more attention to the book than him... " 🙄
I broke up with a guy because he was too jealous of my dog. He’d sit on the opposite end of the couch glaring and saying “Wow I wish anyone paid me that much attention” when I was snuggling my pup
Ugh. I feel you. I took care of the family dog (we lived with my in-laws, and he was technically theirs even though I was the one caring for him) while he was dying from cancer. I did my best to show this dog, our beloved companion of 15 years, that he was loved and cherished in his final days. After he passed, my ex-husband said that he was jealous of the love that I'd shown the dog. We argued for weeks over that. In the end, he claimed that he understood why it was wrong to be jealous of a dying dog.
A few years later, my own dog (shared with my lovely sister-in-law, whom I still cherish) was dying from Cushing's and dementia. He'd been my most loyal and loving companion; so, of course, I wanted to return that love and loyalty in his final days.
MY EX-HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT MY AFFECTION WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RESERVED FOR ONLY HIM, and that I was HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH THE DOG.
My divorce was finalized last month, thank everything sacred.
ETA: I thought it would also be worth mentioning that the first dog, the one with cancer, had TRAINED HIMSELF to be my hypoglycemia detection dog. I'm a T1 diabetic, and he literally kicked my butt out of bed more than once so that I could raise my blood sugar in the middle of the night. The second dog taught himself to recognize my panic attacks, sometimes even before I realized what was happening, and would lay on my chest until I calmed down. All fifty pounds of him. My babies were way more than "just" pets. He knew this.
JFC that was a wildly glaring red flag and I'm happy that you got away.
Oh, so am I. Even the magistrate said "Congratulations!" while finalizing the divorce.
I got in letter in the email a few months ago stating I owed $53 in child support and to call to pay immediately. It was addressed to FirstName,MiddleName,Firstname. I told my girlfriend to throw it out. Started getting weird identity theft triggers. HR told me someone opened up an unemployment claim in my name. Trying to trace it down girlfriend told me it couldn't be the child support letter because she called the number on the letter and gave them all my information to clear up the misunderstanding.
Oh fuck me…sorry dude, that’s gonna suck
This one really hurts on a level the other ones don't
From this day onwards, every time I think a story is poorly written because of the stupid mistakes the characters make to advance the story, I will remember your (hopefully ex) girlfriend.
You might want to check the music around you the next few days because she might actually have pushed you into a poorly written thriller.
He was American military, I'm British. We got into an argument because he said USA was the only country that had been actually attacked in WW2 (pearl harbour).
We in the UK hadn't actually faced any hardship during the war. Neither had any civilians in Europe, it was just the soldiers on the front lines. Never heard of any cities or anywhere getting bombed, nothing about the blitz.
He claimed to be a WW2 expert.
Uhh I think Poland called? Also France, and some other places...
Hahaha. I actually love this. Why does he think it was a world war…??? On second thought, it might be why only American baseball teams tend to win the World Series!
He's basing his knowledge off the movie Pearl Harbour.
I think world war 2 just started!
No batman, It's been going on for a while now...
Even on Pearl Harbor day the Japanese attacked British Malaya an hour before they attacked Hawaii, what an idiot.
He said aids was caused by mixing two different blood types. I knew he was abusive but that’s when I knew he was an idiot too.
They thought bockwurst was made from chicken, because "bock bock is what a chicken says."
See we know they were dumb because chickens bock best, not worst. What an idiot
He tried to tell me we dont have proof that the world is more than 2000 years old. I was an anthropology major at the time, wrong person to have that conversation with 🤣
Damn, even the young earth creationists usually call it 6000
Knew a guy studying engineering physics who believed the earth was 6000 years old. He would get into arguments with his astrophysics prof about it.
Yeah I can see not needing to understand the age of the world to do engineering physics, but astrophysics... none of that shit makes sense if you think the earth is only 6000 years old
Yep, he also believed carbon dating was a hoax lol. I heavily distanced myself from him during 2nd year when I found out he was an idiot, but I would love to ask him how we observe objects more than 6,000 light years away, and see him try to justify it haha.
This bitch doesn't even know about pangea
I wonder what he accepts as proof for 2000 that he does not accept as proof for 3000.
He said "But you can still have babies right?" After I'd told him I'd had a hysterectomy.
He touched my hip bone (the sticky out bit) and asked "what's that?"
I could go on
touches hip bone
"Who did this to you?"
[deleted]
This is hilarious.
Went on a number of dates with a woman. Every other conversation held with her was fun and engaging so things were going smoothly.
On the last date WWII came up and she said “Its just so sad about how all the Jewish people ended up dying even though the whole world fought to protect them”. I asked for further clarification since I wasn’t quite sure I understood what she meant by that statement.
“Oh did you not know all the Jews are extinct? That’s how WWII ended. Hitler found the last Jew and killed them all”.
She was dead serious. No amount of other facts would convince her. It was… enlightening to say the least
his car engine was making awful noise. I told him to oil change. he said no he just had one 2 years ago. dude does 150k a year with the car. he says the sound stops when he revs up on the highway. i told him to stop doing that.
but i guesss girls know nothing bout cars right?
edit: Idk the english words, but he did bring it to repair when it sounded like a helicopter coming for 3 months. nockenwelle was ribbing off motor, it took down 3 cm of the motorkopf. the mechanic was baffled.
Just a couple of weeks ago I met an elderly family friend who informed me that he hasn’t changed the oil or done any kind of servicing whatsoever on his car for seven years, and that it’s “running fine.” He said annual servicing is just a scam, and he knows when to get something done. I offered to help find him a reputable mechanic but he refused, saying he doesn’t trust anyone out there.
I work in a grocery store. I swear 90 percent of old people think they’re being scammed over the smallest thing that’s common sense
They say this, then send thousands of dollars to scammers via gift card or other outlandish scams. Vaccines, car maintenance? Scams! My long lost relatives needing $3,000 in Amazon gift cards or they'll arrest them, no problem!
She decided to fix a plug socket and didn't even turn the power off
Luckily I walked in as she was just about to put the screwdriver into the back box
She got mad at me for stopping her, and showed she really had zero concept of electricity at all
Edit due to comments below
This was a nice meaty UK 230v
Jesus
Yes, that’s exactly who she was about to have a face to face with.
I mean I’m 10 years in and my husband keeps showing me AI videos that are causing some questions to arise
They asked me why birds don’t get electrocuted on power lines, listened to the explanation, and said ‘nah, that doesn’t sound right.’ Immediate clarity.
That is not as bad as an ENGINEERING student response: why does the fan keep turning even after you switch off? it takes a while for all electrons to get through
On our second (and final) date when I asked him when he’d last been tested for STDs and he said he’d never been tested because he’d only ever been in monogamous relationships.
Later, he casually admitted that he’d slept with someone the day before our date, (this was fine, we weren’t exclusive and we also weren’t sleeping together) BUT his claims of monogamy just fell flat.
Anyway, he was in his 40s and an oncologist.
😳 that last line!!
When she told me that the 3 grand the local council gave her to relocate got blown on worthless shite and partying; and not furniture for her next living space like they intended.
And then in the next sentence asked me what I was earning, before stating she'd never worked a day in her life.
Nope, nope, nope
Dumped an ex for something similar.
We were both starving college students, 18-19 years old. I was on scholarship working two jobs and taking as many courses as possible, while he was living off of loans and didn’t work, taking 1-2 classes at a time.
He got kicked out of his student housing because he didn’t pay his fees. So I agreed to let him temporarily stay with me in my apartment with my tons and tons of roommates, because the roommates were understanding, and nobody wanted him to be homeless.
Super nice guy. But one night we had a deep conversation about childhood that really threw me off.
He was on the verge of tears talking about how hard his childhood was, growing up poor and seeing his single mom struggle to pay the minimal bills. How he was going to break the poverty cycle and do something different with his life, so he would never have to struggle again.
I mentioned that one of my jobs was hiring, and he could walk in the next day and get steady work with flexible hours that worked around a university schedule. And he scoffed and looked at me like I was insane, and he was insulted at the idea of getting a job.
He then talked about his brilliant idea to apply for a need-based loan meant to buy textbooks and pay for emergency housing for students who were in crisis.
I was enthusiastic about the idea, and that it would be amazingly helpful for him, so he could get a stable place to live (besides staying with me in my crowded share house and paying no rent) and be able to get back on track to graduate.
He laughed in my face, said he had already been granted the loan money, and that he spent it ALL on a new gaming system, clothes, a watch, and some cosmetic shit for his car.
….Because after a childhood of not getting fancy things, he felt he deserved to have those things, and it was more important than paying me and my roommates back, or getting his life in order.
He already had a recent game system and nice clothes, btw. His mom shared the same sentiment that luxuries and name brands were more important than paying rent or utilities or buying food.
Broke up with him over text the next day once he left my apartment, and had my roommates help him get his stuff out.
I spent the next couple months paying my roommates back for what his portion of the bills should have been while he stayed with us.
But it was well worth it to be free of someone who was always going to make bad choices and mooch off of everyone.
I had a friend date this girl for a while. They moved in together and rented this rather large house for the two of them while he was still an electrical apprentice. He asked me to come over and have a talk with her about money. So I went over and there was a new car in the driveway?? Ok... Went inside. New couch, table, decorations on the walls etc. they recently got a dog as well. She tells me they have no. money to do anything and live paycheck to paycheck. We start going through their expenses and the house payment, car payment, furniture payments are all accruing interest. Why do you have a new car? "I deserve it. I was poor growing up." What?! Why do you have a large rent on a house you don't need all this space for two of you. "When our parents come over I want a bedroom and space for them to stay." She was basically showing off to the parents that they had a good house. All at the expense of their financial well being. Everything she did was to be and act richer than she was in childhood but at the expense of bankruptcy.
Her: "when Jesus returns to earth, there won't be any more mountains".
Me: "what do you mean by that?"
Her: "well, pastor said that when Jesus returns to earth, all of our mountains will come down"
Me: ... "that's not what he meant"
Her: "yes it is. He said it's in the Bible"
Me: "It's a metaphor for the world's problems. Like hunger, poverty, war, etc. If he literally flattened all the mountains, we would all die."
Her: "you just think that because you're atheist"
Me: <broke up after her a few weeks later>
My friend's mom thinks all mountains and hills are the buried corpses of humans back when we used to be giants.
That’s kinda rad, not gonna lie
Yeah, that sounds like a great world building premise
This was a first (and last) date but she said that she loves reading, and I asked what types of books she likes to read. She said “bibliographies.” I said “hmmm so a book about other books?” She replies, “no, it’s a book about someone’s life. I also like books people write about their own lives, autobibliographies. Have you really never heard of a bibliography?” with an roll of the eyes. Could have been a silly mistake, but I had to say something. She proceeded to argue with me for probably ten minutes, even after I tried to laugh it off and change the subject. At some point I asked her to take out her phone and Google it, and she did. After that she straight up refused to speak to me for the rest of the meal. We did not stay for desert.
I probably wouldnt want to stay for a barren, arid region either, regardless.
An ancient cartographer was mapping Egypt, but had the tendency to exaggerate his lines.
When he got to the edge of the Sahara he found he’d run out of room. His colleague, annoyed, told him “you should have saved room for desert”.
When, in January, he told me October would only be 4 months away. I asked him to clarify and he said “yes, January, February, March, October!”
Not to mention that's only 3 months
In college, my 21-year-old lazy stoner un-athletic bf told me and a group full of women, with confidence, that he could beat Serena Williams in a tennis match
I could beat Serena Williams in a game of who’s poorer
A guy I was with a long time ago who didn't dance in any way EVER, told me he could dance like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, then refused to prove it, then still insisted he could because those dance moves were nothing and anyone could do them.
All this bull because I made a comment while we watched the movie about how Travolta may be a dufus but he sure had some dance moves. I don't even find him attractive ffs! I was only saying the guy could dance!
Jealous people are impossible
Confident in my ability to properly tennis, I take the court. I smile at my opponent. Serena does not return the gesture. She'd be prettier if she did, I think. She serves. The ball passes cleanly through my skull, killing me instantly.
He vehemently tried to tell me I was wrong and the saying wasn’t “diamond in the rough” but rather “diamond in the Roth”. I asked him what he thought a Roth was, and this dumb MFer described a desert mirage. I said “okay, even if that is what it is, explain to me how it makes the saying make sense.” He got really mad. That was one of many factual misunderstandings from that dumbass, but it’s the one my sister and I laugh about to this day.
After i broke up with him, a friend told me he proposed to another girl with the ring I gave back, but she broke up with him because he got a stripper pregnant while they were engaged. Hope you’re continuing to live the life you deserve, Jonathan!
when she picked a fight with me for things she heard on horoscopes daily
"sorry i can’t do the dishes, mercury is in gatorade."
I just can't deal with people like that, I'm an asparagus.
Haha, it's like fighting over you cheating in a dream
ETA I was only kidding. I didn't think people like this exist in modern days. I'm sorry, those brutal awakenings must've been insane to live through.
When he asked me what the answer to 10+7 was….I asked if he was joking, then he got mad and typed it into a calculator
My gf does the same thing but then blitzes me on uni level math
Funny. We had a similar running gag at my university games club.
Several of the math students constantly made mistakes when counting points in games, or doing other simple arithmetic. These were straight A students in their courses.
You get high enough in math and the numbers seem to disappear.
My husband asked the doctor, can he take our newborn home. ( I was still in recovery asleep, not yet met my baby, just had a 12 hour terrible labour, son nearly died, folliwed by energency ceasar) my mum and the doctor just looked at him and said nothing.
Edit - I should have said ex husband. I left him 9 monthe later.
Is your husband a black hole in disguise? Because he has to be incredibly dense to be this stupid.
I had an argument with my ex because she was convinced that my house had propane, not natural gas. I had lived in the house for 5 years at that point and she had moved in about a year prior to this argument.
I printed out the PGE statement and she insisted they were incorrectly charging us for natural gas because we were on propane. I asked her to show me where our propane tank was. Id lived there for 4 years longer than her at that point and I've never seen it. Obviously having never had it filled otherwise I'd know where it was.
Took her outside and showed her the gas meter and where it came from and where the gas line was routed out to the street. She swore up and down that the line went to the propane tank that was buried underground like the septic is.
Not sure what I saw in her in hindsight.
When he called me a cheater after I got raped by an old high school friend of mine last year. Don't worry I'm fine and rid of both of them.
Jesus fucking Christ man
Some of these people aren’t idiots they are just horrible people.
When she blew through her whole 45000 dollars divorce settlement in less than 6 months and was bitching about how bad she needed money all while living rent free
My ex blew 85k from an inheritance in one year because he didn’t want to save it “because of taxes” then whined after that we needed to get serious about our spending habits.
I had an ovarian cancer scare and had some tests done. He came over completely frantic wanting to talk. He was terrified that I might have given him ovarian cancer.
When he said his mother kissed him on the mouth when she had a cold sore to intentionally give him oral herpes so he could "never get herpes down there". That's was when I realised both him and his mother were idiots. He had been 16. Believed it until he was in his 40s. Yes, I got checked.
She genuinely, 100% honestly thought that she was an alien. I regret even considering dating her.
Holy shit i knew a girl that was 100% convinced she was a vampire. She claims she cannot see her reflection from the mirror as well.
The dumbest part of that is that the legend of vampires not having reflections came from a time period where mirrors were made of silver and silver was "too pure" to reflect a vampire's evil. Modern mirrors have no silver, so they would work fine for a vampire.
Her full story was: She was a princess from pluto. Some bad thing happened so she had to come to earth and while crossing the stratosphere she became a vampire. When we tell her we can see her reflection, she says its different for her. That she sees nothing. She also claims to get a different kind of cancer every 2 months. She also gagged and vomitted whenever we mention garlic or someone brings a dish that contains garlic.
That's the most desperate for attention middle-school girl shit I have ever read and I knew someone who had a crush on my dog.
I would have drawn a dick on her face while she slept and forced her to pretend she didn't notice.
He told me dinosaurs weren’t real and the bones were put there by the Devil.
I knew he was a Christian, I did not know he was one of the stupid kinds until that moment.
She nearly kicked a cat and threw a shoe at it because it was meowing like crazy out of hunger. It was her kitten and she’d had it for two weeks.
I swear to God, something died in me when I saw that and hated her at that very moment.
We eventually broke up for other reasons but it’s been over 20 years and I have not forgotten that.
(Dondequiera que estés quiero que sepas que jamás te he perdonado ni olvido semejante barbaridad)
God, did you save the kitten or did she starve it to death?
She eventually gave it to her aunt and uncle and that’s the last I heard about it. But they were good and kind people.
She didn't think storks were real. Like the bird. She thought Disney made them up.
When he gave me a hickey on my neck and accused me of cheating the next day because he thought someone else gave me a hickey.
When she called me and asked if I knew the emergency number for 911.
Me: “911” Her: "Yeah, that number you call if you have an emergency." Me: "Yes, it's 911!" Her: "Yes, those people. I'm writing emergency numbers down so I have them if there's an emergency. I found the gas company, the electric company, everybody except for 911. Do you have their number?" Me: "I'll let you know if I run across it, talk to you then."
That was 30 years ago, she is probably still waiting for me to call her back.
He once said, quite seriously “scientists should be studying what is making the weather go crazy and like pollutions effects on the world instead of this climate change crap.”
She told me about a friend of hers who had a pet that was a cross breed between a rabbit and a cat. I tried to explain that was impossible, but dropped the subject when I could tell she was gonna start getting defensive.
Guess she had never heard of manx cats.
She asked me if the lava in our lava lamp was real lava.
Be a lot cooler if it was /s
We were playing kings cup and the category was countries. He said Florida. We gave him another shot then he said Miami…
Asked him how far he thinks the drop is from the top to the bottom of Niagara Falls. He said 10 feet. We were right in front of the waterfall
He had a homework question that was literally 15 divided by 3 (he was a pastry arts major so the questions were easy) and he literally starts typing it into chat gpt. I tell him to give it a try before he types it in and he said 6… (he’s 20)
The only things he was able to talk about were drama or celebrities. Dinners would be pretty quiet and whenever I’d try to talk about something other than him making fun of someone he didn’t like, he wasn’t able to keep it going.
Took him to a Bernie sanders rally and 10 minutes away from the venue he asks me who Bernie sanders is (he said he’s a political person btw)
The list goes on but tbh the worst offense was the day after we split up he hooked up with the 32 year old gay mayor of his town who was in a relationship at the time.
Took me months to get over this guy btw 😭
I have another.
When I found out he didn't believe that dinosaurs existed. Tried to explain to me their skeletons were planted by god just to 'test our faith.'
He read some shitty “life hack” that suggested that if you microwave your iPod/iPhone/iWhatever, it’s battery gets super charged and will last longer.
So he microwaved his iPod touch.
We were long distance, communicating strictly through messager. I should’ve left when he couldn’t contact me for two weeks due to his own stupidity.
Microwaving iPods walked so eating TidePods could run.
The awkward moment that I had to explain to her that the moon didn't have its own source of light.
Bill Bailey has a story he tells about some Geordie Shore-esque minor UK celebrity tweeting, "Turns out the sun and the moon aren't the same thing!"
"Turns out? TURNS OUT?!" he goes 🤣
Could have been worse. The word "cheese" could have come up.
He tried to convince me, an evolution and archaeology nerd, that humans originated in Anatolia (he was Turkish, therefore I believe this points to a nationalist streak). He also made a disgusted face when I mentioned a colleague and his partner, making it clear they are gay, which he obviously disapproved of. That was the second date and the last one.
Wouldn’t that mean all gay people come from Anatolia? Just saying.
What is it with Turks and claiming everything came from Turkey?
Does he know turkish people are... NOT from Anatolia?
He said he was 6'4 because his great great grandfathers cut off a bull's testicles and drank the blood.
He refused, at length, despite me giving multiple concrete examples, to believe that there is a difference between volume and mass. He was European and couldn't wrap his mind around how a kilogram could be tied to the mass of a volume of 1 liter of water specifically and not other substances.
Like, take one container (fixed volume), fill it with mercury, and then fill it with feathers, and you'll get two very different masses. Easy, right? No. Wrong.
Then he asked a male friend who just said "they're different" and he believed him with no further questioning.
Oh man, she told me voting was too difficult because there were no resources to research the candidates positions on issues
He tried to explain empathy to me as if he just discovered another whole world. His family was also very rich and he “cosplayed” as poor.
He first blew his vehicle up by not checking or maintaining any fluids, knowing his car had a slow oil leak. He then decided to do his own maintenance on his new vehicle, overfilled it with oil and did something to the engine that resulted in it being considered totaled by insurance. I let him drive my (VERY old) car for work and he decided to leave it idling in the parking lot for hours at a time, resulting in it overheating and the cost to fix it being more than the car was worth. He did so many absolutely idiotic things in our 2 years of dating.
Rather than buy a new light bulb, he decided to test a light fitting with a multimeter to see if it was live. Spoiler alert: it was, and a 40p bulb would have saved much of what happened that day.
The electric tripped, the light fitting exploded and the multimeter in his hand caught fire. So off I went to buy a new light fitting whilst he got his electrician mate in to fix it.
9 hours later the light fitting still didn't work and the electrician was working by torchlight. Both were wondering why things still didn't work. I looked up at them both and asked 'When you last tripped the fuse box, did you reset it?' I laughed my ass off at the look that my boyfriend and the electrician gave as I walked off, both had the same realization at the same time.
I married him anyway, and now have a list of '100 ways in which my husband has tried to kill me by being a complete dumbass!' There's fires, floods, putting sharp knives in precarious places, and of course the obligatory mixing electric with water multiple times.
I asked him what goes through his mind when he is doing stuff he is definitely not qualified for and he said 'Do do do dooo do do doo doo!'
Get some good life insurance on him.. It's only a matter of time..
Are you married to Homer Simpson?
He didn't understand what earthquakes are.
We live in the Pacific Northwest, an earthquake zone. He was born here and lived here all his life, we're taught this shit in school plus he was an adult in 1997 when we anticipated a catastrophic one. There is no way to not know this stuff unless he intentionally covered his ears and blocked out all the information.
He thought the plates don't normally touch, and that they crash together spontaneously sometimes and that's an earthquake, I asked how he thinks that happens, how is that possible without a canyon opening up along the fault lines so the plates can "back up" and get a run at it. And what's powering it? Why does it happen? Why does it happen in some places and not others?
No answers, absolute vacancy, then annoyance that I was asking these prodding questions.
I didn't bother explaining how the (literal) world works to him, I broke up with him instead. I'd been getting more annoyed with him and planned to anyway but that always sticks in my mind as being one of the final straws. He thought he was so smart and so superior to everyone, and the dumb fuck still doesn't know what earthquakes are.
My friends and I and my girlfriend were playing a game that requires us to name our favorite animals. Someone said rhinoceros- and my GF rebutted with “it has to be a REAL animal.”
We all laughed until we came to the sudden realization she was serious. She was 27 and thought the Rhino was in the same category as Unicorns and Griffens
When he told me my body should be his to use as he wanted, when we wanted, including while I was asleep.
When he told me "Let's fuck" was seductive.
When he told me about a woman he claimed was his friend that his definition of a platonic friendship is someone who you only have sex with.
It was a short relationship.
Sounds like an extreme misogynist.
I told her the PIN number to the door was 4090 but I said it “forty ninety” she came back inside and said that there wasn’t a 40 or a 90 button.
And that's exactly why the emergency line is called nine-one-one and not nine-eleven
She lit a candle and put it underneath a curtain that was like two inches above the flame.
They deliberately and unironically based their critical thinking philosophy on Otto from A Fish Called Wanda. 🤦♀️
During the pandemic he told me that smoking meth would keep you from getting COVID. I absolutely spent two weeks tending to him and his dumbass roommate when they got infected. Not for nothing but I never got COVID and I was the only one in this story who didn’t smoke meth so…
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When asked if she has her Visa ready for her trip to America, she replied: "I dont need one, I have a Mastercard"
Didn't last long after that.
Ignorance? Priceless..
For everything else, there's mastercard!
all the times I've been berated for accidentally using words he didn't know because I was "trying to sound smart" 🙃 babe we're too old for this
When he became convinced the earth was flat
she was moving for school and found this totally perfect bachelor apartment near the school and all she had to do was western union 1 month's rent as a deposit to a PO box then somebody would mail her a key
I told her this was a scam and she told me I had to back off and stop making her feel stupid. we broke up. also it was a scam and she ended up going broke abroad and ended up sharing a bed with my other ex girlfriend because "she was always bi"
He didn’t know how to put his head back in the shower to wash his hair.
He would put his head bent forward under the water and suffocate and get soap in his eye.
When I tried to tell him to put his head back he almost fell backwards from it like a toddler.
He said he wanted to run for parliament but didn’t know who his local MP was.
We ate dinner at my family’s house and were tasked with cleaning the table. I asked him to wipe up the crumbs so I could wipe down the table. He shuffles all the crumbs off the side of the table into his palm and then dumps his handful of crumbs onto the floor.
I got my period during sex, he got some blood on him and he panicked because he didn’t want to catch aids. He was wearing a condom and I’m not HIV positive! This was in like 2011, dude was 23yo. Broke up with him pretty shortly afterwards lol.
She told me she was the reincarnation of Oprah.. like, huh?
Again, Oprah is still very much alive?!
She used to get mad at me for having a library card.
Besides Italy (due to its boot shape), she could not recognise a single country on the world map, including her home country, Germany.
If I pointed out Madagascar, she wouldn’t have been able to tell me if it was Mexico, India or Australia
Not the first German to be confused as to what is and isn’t Germany.
When he believed Tylenol causes autism. Brought up how I sprained my ankle and took a Tylenol and then proceeded to tell me that’s why I’m so autistic.
He claimed he was a history buff too and that he had grown up on a farm. Great! I took him to a local, very famous, historical house. I don't remember all the strange comments he made but I do remember the one that broke my brain.
As we were coming up on a couple of smaller vegetable garden areas, he smirked. "And what are they growing here?" he asked. "Weeds?" he added on. I just remember blinking because, if he had grown up on a farm, this was farming 101.
"Uh, it's being left to fallow," I said, figuring that would be it. Nope.
He proceeded to ask questions about what "fallow" meant, how the heck I knew that, and if I wouldn't like him because he wasn't as into history as much as me (despite previously telling me he was). I never went on another date with him after that.
You can like other things, you can even not know things, but don't lie about it!