Hello everyone!
I’m a 20F and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months. Everything is going well except sometimes arguments due to my BPD but nothing serious. We don’t live together, our libido is rather matching (even if I have to deconstruct this one which is too brutal compared to my real desires I think). However, I’m sad not to go out with a woman. I would have wanted to marry a woman, go out « tea and read » with her, etc... I never went out with a woman, I only had sex in the « one-night stand » style where it was worse than in my dreams. I often imagine sleeping with a woman when it’s my boyfriend who sleeps with me. Mostly, I watch lesbian porn. I love flirting with women (I see you coming, I’m in a pseudo free relationship on the internet only). When I get tired of my boyfriend, I wonder if it’s him or if it’s because he’s a man and not a woman. Or if, worse, because I don’t love him anymore (which seems impossible to me, I have these thoughts by periods). I never knew if I’m bisexual and have repressed lesbian desires or if I’m a lesbian in the background?
Sorry for my English it’s not my native language
I think it's a question only you can answer, however you seem to be leaning on the possibility of being a lesbian.
However, that said, whether you are a lesbian or bisexual, I believe that if you don't want to continue the relationship with your boyfriend, to the extent you are admitting to being bored with him, it would be simply better for both of you to go separate ways. Even if your feelings change and you decide that you're actually bisexual or straight, the way you speak about your boyfriend sounds... sad. It's better to break his heart by telling him you're just not attracted to men so this way you stay true to yourself and it's a rational reason to break up, than to break his heart by mistreating him in a relationship because you don't know what you want.
It could be that you’re bi when it comes to your sexuality, but that your romantic attraction is to women/femininity or something like that 🙃 What I suggest you do is think about your relationship with your bf and what it is you like about it, versus the one night stands that you’ve had with women and see if there are similarities/differences or any patterns when it comes to your attraction to these people Either way, I wish you good luck in finding out what feels right for you ❤️ maybe, if your partner is open, talk to them about it so it doesn’t come as a huge surprise, but remember that they can find it hard as well, they might start to feel insecure if you tell them you’re not sure about yourself since it sorta affects them