I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’m actually pretty okay being on my own most of the time. I wouldn’t say I’m super happy all the time, but I also don’t really feel a strong need to be with someone. I can be myself, do whatever I want, live life on my own terms, and that feels good. I’m genuinely fine with that. But every now and then, I still wonder if I could fall in love again and really love someone. At the same time, I think about how much effort that takes, and then I usually just change the subject (in my own head)
I thought love was only true in fairy tales. It was meant for someone else, but not for me. Love was out to get me, and that's the way it seemed. Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
I usually think my cupid likes to make tasteless jokes, so I'm staging a personal protest against that scoundrel.
To love someone deeply and be loved is an amazing feeling, don’t give up on it.
It is harder than being single- you are suddenly not “perfect as you are”- you realize you can be forgetful and neglectful, you might be jealous or short tempered and you become very vulnerable to heart break but it is 100% worth it. When you care for someone and that someone is trying to make your life better, cook your favorite food, prepare a great present, giving a tight hug after a long day, it’s a heavenly feeling
How dare you destroy my argument?
Cherish every beating heart that sets your soul on fire.
Love will set your soul on fire ✨
I do because I am in love. But each to their own!
May God protect you (not entirely) from my envy.
If you find the right person it will sweep you away like a leaf on the breeze.
Last time, they took me and I ran straight into a lamppost.
I don't believe in 'Hollywood' love. The lightning bolt, the idea of instant attraction that lasts a life time. It can absolutely happen, but I think that that being 'a thing' that people expect or strive for, does actual real love a disservice.
To me, real love is what exists when all the excitment and horniness and fireworks calms down. Yes, have that. But also be there for a person when they have IBS, or are having a bad day and you know to hang around or fuck off and give them space. Proper love is a hug when they're down or being there when family are being difficult, and feeling of course that that person will do the same for you.
It's kindness, and trust. Not spilling a latte over a person whilst on holiday and then a week later buying a fixer upper by a river and adopting three cats.
Agree 100%, I love my husband more now than when we first met. The more years pass the deeper the understanding, connection and trust is. I wouldn’t swap him for any sum or for anyone.
I think most people are capable of having this sort of connection but Disney fairytales has brainwashed people into what love is and how it presents itself. Lust and excitement can only take you so far.
I used to think the same until I met my wife.
Hey hey, it's forbidden to be happy near me.
I do still miss the things you describe, theres a lot of pro's to being single, if I hadn't of met her I think I would have been happy enough.
I was lucky to fall in love young and we shaped our lives together. I feel like I'd find it so much harder to fall in love and adapt my life to fit around a new person today (I'm 38) but I could be wrong.
I often think the same. I settled down as a teenager 20 years ago and you’re so adaptable at that age. I think people become so rigid in their ways and expectations as they get older it gets exponentially harder.
Agree with this, I met my husband young and we made all our major milestones as a unit. I get a headache when I think about if I’d met someone later and having to navigate the situation. You add kids, separate home ownerships, ageing (maybe sick) parents, typically more senior positions in work etc. into the mix.
In another way I think it’s nice in a different way though, they would have so much fun updating each other on all the stories they have from growing up, college, first jobs, travel and such. You wouldn’t be short on things to talk about that’s for sure. There would be ample opportunities for pleasant surprises I think.
That’s true! Although we have a lot of fun reminiscing about our youth and all the mad shit we went through, sharing all the same nostalgias keeps us chatting endlessly and we always shared the same friends groups too which is really nice imo. I see some friends settling down in middle age and it looks absolutely exhausting trying to integrate and balance two whole seperate social lives, families and friends groups at this age. I don’t envy that at all, WAY too much work and social obligation for me personally 😮💨
OOOOOh yea, it's mostly all about the bank balance from 32 to 40. If you ain't carrying a relationship into your 30s then forget about it if you ain't making 60k min.
Do you think this is true for both men and women?
this is me, im exactly the same. ocassionally i might think it would be nice to feel love again, but the effort of dealing with someone is just too much energy, all the extra work, extra socialising, extra talking. its exhausting to even consider. lol.
Exactly. Just thinking about it tires my mind.
My wonderful husband has been with me through an eating disorder, unemployment, chronic illness, depression, anxiety and weight gain (which for a person with an ED is absolutely hideous). So yes I believe in love 100%. I just had to kiss a few frogs to find my prince.
I'm so happy for you! I think the last frog I kissed was poisonous.
The guy before him was addicted to cocaine and doing it behind my back for years. He was also an abusive narcissist. So yes if I can find someone decent after that relationship I firmly believe you can too.
Yeah I love my husband more now than when we first got together 15 years ago. Still ridin as well
How cute 🥹 Keep it up 🙏
I don’t like the way you say “still ridin as well” like you’re the exception! 🫣 are most marriages dead bedrooms after 15 years? No disrespect intended!
Not dead bedrooms but sex drive tends to decrease with age. I never believed it until it happened to me but it makes biological sense. Less frequent sex doesn't have to mean coldness either. Plenty of affection still - just not sex most nights anymore.
I don't think I'm THE exception but yes, after 15 years with a small baby, to still be having sex twice a week is probably rare enough. Are you married or in a long term relationship?
Not married but in a relationship close on 4 years now.
I feel exactly the same OP. I feel I'm done with relationships.
I love my daughter, with my whole absolute being, but nobody else.
What helps me is continuing to believe in other forms of love, beyond romantic love. There are forms of love that are so pure, and I believe that's enough.
Never been in love but hope to find the one someday.
Hope is the only thing that dies.
Honestly no I don’t, not anymore! I don’t think there’s someone out there for everyone and I don’t think pursuing anyone is worth it anymore
Deep down, I believe in unexpected encounters, because if you insist on looking for something, it will elude you even more.
I also believe that for destiny to do its work, we need to be ready for it to happen, to be mature enough not to waste the chance.
I wish I did. I’m a hopeless romantic.
However I do believe companionship is important and this is why a lot of people stay together even when love may no longer be there.
We romantics have a little space closer to God in paradise because of how much we suffer.
And I find that kind of sad, even if the company isn't unpleasant, I can't imagine being next to someone without feeling that I love them, that I admire them, respect them....
It’s probably the many years single and time of year that is making me romanticise even simple companionship.
I was in a 10 year relationship that fell out of love, and you’re right sharing a bed with them wasn’t nice.
It’s out there, for everyone.
I think they ran over mine.
1 Corinthians 13
I'm not religious, but I've always found this passage very beautiful. Today, specifically, I don't believe in romantic love, but the awareness of how much I love and am loved by my family and friends makes life very good too. It was good to reflect on, thank you.
No.
I'm pretty much the same as you. I know it exists and am delighted that there are lots of people out there who get to experience it in its purest form. Unfortunately there are tons of people also who are either with someone that they don't truly love or are constantly searching for it above all else just because they are terrified of being alone. I just couldn't live my life that way. If it comes naturally and falls right into my lap then great. Otherwise I'm not gonna put too much effort into searching for something that might not actually ever be truly there for me. I'm grand like.
It's a thousand times better to spend all that effort on yourself. At least it brings a return in the end.
Maintaining Love and relationships takes effort and work. It's a wonderful thing - give it another shot, maybe the people you chose were bad for you and it's soured the idea.
Today I'm terrified that my peace will be destroyed again, so I prefer to just stay quiet where no one can find me.
I understand 100%. I've been there. But the only way to find love is to risk the pain and try again.
God protect me
https://preview.redd.it/26aowubqoocg1.jpeg?width=443&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=357c48f7ee527f57bcb0ac0781b04de6780b7dc1
He who dares wins as Del boy would always say
Huey Lewis and the News have something to say about this
I think of the three times I was truly in love and crave that feeling before the rug was taken from under me and I have such fear now. I’ve never seeked out relationships and because I’m an idiot I always go for the wrong person and in spite of all this, YES, I believe in love.
That's what kills us, we don't learn.
I believe in life after love
Exactly!
What happens after love? Like, how do you live with the emptiness that remains?
True love ? No
Same. You know what hurts the most though? My lower back
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Used to think it was never possible but then changed my mind in the last year or so. Not that I'm in a relationship or anything.
It's a spiral. Just when I start to believe it, someone does me the favor of proving me wrong.
The username....yes!!!
Also OP....I'm like yourself. Single, content. The odd 'lonesome' vibe. But I do still absolutely believe in love. I see it daily in relationships my friends & family are in. It may or may not come to me & either option is ok
I decided that it's better to suffer alone than to suffer because someone I like ghosted me or showed up with someone else the following week, and today I feel at peace knowing that I no longer accept that (because I no longer accept anyone getting close to me haha).
Yea the ghosting & shite is not fun and look, it's completely up to yourself if you'd rather close yourself off to possibility or opportunity when it comes to matters of the heart. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it can be a healthy exercise once it's not permanent.
The Rambling Rover is my personal anthem.
It's on my playlist of songs to cry to in the shower.
Love is just a drug for dopamine addicts. Me included.
Only God knows how far this addiction has taken me haha
I'm 32 and still single. But yes, I still do believe in love. 🥹 I just don't know where or when to find him 😅😂
I'm very much in love but I understand some people are aromantic and that's okay. But if you were in love before I'm sure you can find love once again 💕
I think I'm just traumatized, haha.
Someone resembling Rodney’s gf from Only fools was in the corner of my eye tonight, eying me up and smiling for about 20 mins, downright gorgeous/fit and I couldn’t do anything about it as was on stage playing drums.
20 mins later, she ends up chatting to someone years older than her on the floor and the pair dance and hit it off and leave.
Love is a cruel game.
I don't think that impresses me anymore, I usually don't look at people because I've given up. And usually, the ones who are most sought after are women, just like you described. That's life 🙌
I used to think the same way for a long time, I didn’t think it was for me. I think it’s true though, love finds you when you least expect it, and it can come about in so many different ways. I take quite a while to actually fall in love with a person though. Maybe you’re the same. One day it just hits you.
What age are you OP that's very important for context. If you're 18, shut up, if you're 40, good for you
I'm 24, but that's beside the point, okay?
You're only 24, shut up.
Not anymore.
Was with someone for 6 years before she abruptly left me. Had an engagement ring bought and all. I blame myself for driving her away, but also for thinking I'd merited something like that. Something I'd longed for my whole life. But now it's gone.
I'm a bit like yourself OP, mostly okay by myself but rather than feeling a need to be with someone it's still something like an echo of longing for it. But have been left pretty scared of getting close with anyone now, still get crushes but I mostly just tamp them down and let them fizzle out. I don't bother with dating apps as I think they remove too much of the person behind the profile you're swiping on, downside is I haven't been physically close with anyone since my break-up which isn't easy.
Just on your point here:
I can understand this line of thinking but here's my perspective: this is what I like about it to begin with. I like the person I become when I've got some emotional reciprocity with someone on this level. I believe relationships, good or bad, require maintenance work. They can never be taken for granted else you risk it falling apart. There's a fine line here, since if you do too much it's love-bombing but if you don't do enough it manifests as distancing. But it's the old school things that matter most to me like remembering important dates related to her or her loved ones, remembering something she mentioned she was interested in in passing and either encouraging her to pursue it or gifting her something related to it after researching it a bit yourself, offering comfort and care in and out of tough times, if you're getting her a gift then having substantiated reasons why you went for it instead of just getting a generic gift that shows you didn't put two thoughts towards it. Stuff like that. I love doing all of this with a partner and making them feel like they struck gold, but I'm jaded now towards it all and almost think there's nobody out there who deserves that from me anymore.
I feel the same. After a series of abusive relationships, I decided to take myself out of the game to work on myself. I have almost grown up children & forever toddler pets so I’m not alone alone. What I’ve come to realise is that I’m happier on my own.
Like you, the notion of finding that special person sometimes enters my head, but then I ask myself if I can still be bothered having to take someone else’s wants into consideration, kick my dogs out of bed, share the to remote etc etc. The answer is no, I can’t be arsed, I’ve gotten too comfortable and set in my ways and I’ve no desire to give up my hard fought for peace for another (possible) abusive situation.
I think there is too much emphasis on love and not enough on companionship
Yup, then there are some people who have no understanding or capacity for real love.
Unfortunately, no.
Welcome to the club
Absolutely. I was fortunate enough to meet and marry my soulmate