I used to.

Then I turned 40.

Minding older parents as an only child is not going to be easy. I have it ahead of me and not sure what I will do.

You need to up skill and get a new job and take more risk in your career. At your age it's a no brainier. If you were close to retirement and kids in college that would be a different paradigm altogether.

This is exactly how I feel right now. On paper I have a great high paying job, but I absolutely dread going to work and when I'm there, I hate every single minute that passes. I'd love to do something completely different, something more hands on and rewarding, but it'll be a big pay cut in that regard. I honestly don't think I can keep going this way, I'll drive myself into an early grave.

It’s one downside to enjoying yourself in your 20s I think. When I finally decided to ‘settle down’ it felt so oppressive.

I still get the odd twinge of ‘is this it’ but I find that doing things I like outside of work is the key. So hobbies and then also travel 3-4 times a year. Set personal goals that are achievable and work on them eg. read a certain number of book or do a certain number of pushups, language classes and so on.  But really throwing myself into hobbies is what I enjoy most.

I know I need job security but once I’m saving towards retirement then I enjoy my life. Not as much as when I was young but sure isn’t that the trade off. 

I feel like once I hit my 30s, I was just kinda hit in the face with reality like wtf are you doing girl??? I still dont have a career, I really fucking struggle to get a job because I never went to college and got a degree in anything worth while because I never knew what I wanted to do growing up and didn't want to force myself into a course I didn't enjoy so now I'm just stuck with retail jobs and minimum wage jobs. I never got to travel either. I don't have kids even though I really want kids someday but I feel like I'm getting too old to even have kids at this point. I'm an only child too and also still live at home with my parents who are also in their 70s and I sometimes feel like Im now becoming their carer because they can't clean the house properly or walk the dog anymore so It's all just put onto me and I never get a simple thank you from them either for doing all these things and It's exhausting.

I'm about to turn 30. I've never been able to tolerate a regular scheduled job without extreme burnout and depression after just a couple months. A couple years ago I had a huge nervous breakdown and my life completely fell apart. It left me with pretty intense chronic physical health issues and PTSD. I felt so hopeless because I 'would never fit into society', and incredibly anxious because I didn't know how to make money without destroying my mental and physical health. I was totally lost and didn't even know what I wanted.

Fast forward a couple years and I work as a pro pole dancer (only started taking classes at 25, started performing and teaching just over a year ago) and stripper. And you know what? I've never been so happy in my entire life. The stripping is very tough mentally but it helps me build my dream career in dance, my biggest passion in life. I'm going to open my own studio in a year or two and I'm so excited. I get to dictate my own schedule, work way fewer days than most, and take time off when I need it. I still get anxious about things like retirement and whether I'll ever own a home, but day to day I've finally designed a life that works for me and that's the main thing. I have a girlfriend but I don't want kids.

I guess my point is all the rules are fake and you really, really never know what's around the corner. I could never in a million years have predicted this life outcome. So my advice is, the 'life path' set out by society is a fake dream for so many of us and the sooner you let go of it the better. It will just make you anxious and especially in your 30s feel 'unaccomplished' and 'too late', which isn't true. Following your passions often works out really well if you push yourself and get out of your comfort zone (I had to take some steps that really terrified me but that's where the biggest change happened). And think outside the box, if you really want a change then you might be willing to try things others wouldn't.

Edited to add: when it comes to community, new friends and maybe even dating opportunities, I strongly reccomend joining some sort of activity, club, exercise class or sport, anything with a ready made community who meet regularly. You can try a few and see where you feel there's the most potential. I would hardly ever see another human being outside of work if it wasnt for my pole community, it forces me out of the house and to interact even though I'm a massive introvert.

How far into your 30s are you? Being single actually opens a lot of doors if you want to retrain to earn more money.

The hardest part of the 30’s is the social aspect as people settle down more and the pool lowers for both social and romantic connections.

And if you are unfortunate to be 27/28 prior to covid it’s a kicker cause those 2-3 years of windows off opportunity to set up the next 5-10 are gone.

So I feel that there are thousands out there between 30-35 wondering where the last few years went and trying to play catch up with their peers who got lucky headstarts before the world changed.

Important to acknowledge that at times and you are doing your best in circumstances that you are not at fault for.

The timelines, milestones and norms of the past are gone and unfair to compare to because we are living a completely different world and timeline to what’s gone before.

And for kids knowing but all but a mask on their face it’s going to be even harder for them when they are teenagers/adults and the cracks in a lack of social skill experience start to appear within the next 5 to 10 years.

What would you like to work at? Are there are courses you could do that would help you get into an industry you are more enthusiastic about?

Socialising in your 30s is tough - you just have to get out there, join clubs, try things and dont be afraid to look silly the odd time.

Absolutely in the same position I’m 32 and been home for 7 months now. Was away for 7 years and I’m in a relationship.

House prices are insane. Every day I question why I moved home. My partner wants to be closer to her parents. I’ve checked out of my job of late and I know my productivity is dropping massively. I don’t hate my job but it’s hard to be motivated, especially when working from home when I’m not happy.

I feel trapped and so sad. Just a realization that I’m going to live a life of doom and gloom that this country brings.

I’m also hoping it gets better but have major doubts.

You need to live your life. You need to move on from your current situation. Take a risk, travel and see what the world has to offer. You can always come back when your parents are older. You need to live your life for yourself.

Yeah pretty much I don't know what to do or where to go from here in my 30s.

I'm 35 m from Dublin.

A few things went pear shaped in my life around the early teens so my trajectory was not quite as straightforward as my friends. Also then in my mid - late 20s I wasn't cut out for the classic career lifestyle, didn't know what was for me and didn't feel highly skilled or qualified enough for anything. I was a late bloomer in that regard.

Anyway I finally started to knuckle down and apply myself in my early 30s after a failed effort at moving to Australia.

Ended up getting a job in Belfast and moved up here by myself because the rents were cheap. Thought I'd develop some career experience then move home after a year and get a super high paying job and settle in Dublin and everything would be fine. Anyway things went pear shaped for me up here. Fast forward and now 4+ years after moving to Belfast I'm still here. I've been working in a corporate office job for the past few years. The job is secure and the wages are enough to live on. I rent my own place. I could take out a mortgage here. But I'm totally unsatisfied with my life. Turning into the office every day and serving long days at the desk has sucked the life out of me. I don't feel like I'm part of the click in the office although they're lovely people and they are nice towards me, but I still feel like a misplaced alien. 2 years ago I made a plan to take a career break, travel the world, and move home to Dublin and move into a higher paying job and buy a house and a dog, but life threw another curveball at me so that plan went out the window. Now I'm 35, grinding through this every day. I don't really have a social life, and I don't feel confident enough in my ability to score a €90k+ a year job in Dublin. So now my choices are stay here and take out a mortgage and have that security but grind through another few years like this for it, or blow my savings travelling then move home to my parents house and just accept that I'm going to be back there for the long haul. My parents are also in their 70s. I don't even know how much motivation I'd have to search for the next steps in my career if I move home. If I got rejected from 100s of job applications and had to.go through unrelenting aptitude tests and multiple rounds of interviews, I think I'd give up and regress into something handy, or spend my time pursuing hobbies that don't really pay. It's hard to know what I should do with myself next.

There's a lot of pressure on you in your 30s. You're generally expected to:

- Get married

- Have kids

- Buy a gaff

- Nail down your career

Even if you manage it all it's a slog.

The goal is to have my own flat (rental ofc lol). 31 and living with housemates is not where I thought I would be. But here we are 🙃

I'm 39 and had a midlife crisis around 35. I feel like a hamster in a wheel. I need to make some major changes to my life.. so, no, it won't get better until you figure out a solution for yourself.

Try sow some little seeds that may grow into bigger things over the next few years. I did a springboard course a few years ago, it was totally free. Has definitely helped me progress career wise. Maybe look for a new job? Little building blocks grow into bigger things. Maybe just pick something youre interested in and work on that!

I felt like I was in my 30s forever! It was like they were never going to end. I was single the majority of the time & nothing was working for me either so I decided feck it, Im gonna go out & "Grab the bull by the horns" and refused to feel defeated anymore

Im now settled in my 40s in a relationship & training to work with Dementia patients.

This country is a horrible place to be right now. No one can get a home & start to build a life. There is nothing in Ireland anymore. If I had the opportunity to leave in the morning I'd be gone.

It is heartbreaking to see people work so hard for basically nothing these days.

My early 4Os were great. Late 40s a further improvement but I take pills every day now. Whatever I'm still having a ball and working towards the career I always should have been in. So don't worry. If there's something you'd rather do I'd seriously look into it. Build up some cash and get the government to pay for your college. It'll take a few short years.

Dating apps are total bullshit for 2 reasons. They're a secondary market for people who haven't hooked up the normal ways. And they're not designed for your dating success, rather to coerce you into spending money by manipulating your emotions in very clever and evil ways, and with the help of many of the other apps you use too. There's no easy way around being alone but if you're truly ok by yourself you're more desirable I guess. My last gf came from a dating site and she was a nightmare so now and for a couple of years I just do my thing and I'm ok, if I see someone I like I'll pounce on them and I don't worry about it in the meantime.

Christ it feels like i wrote this and I'm not even 30 yet lol

I mean this is the nicest possible way but two things

First is - have you spoken to your GP. These are the classic signs of depression. Speak to them and also avail of some of counselling. It's rewires the brain

Second is, if it's not depression then you really need to seriously restructure your life. Relationships are more about how we view ourselves rather than how we connect with others. Being in a frame of mind where you are not motivated is a barrier to meeting people.

Can you go back to college? Can you move out ? Can you drive? Can you meet people in New settings like volunteer work? Can you take up new hobbies?

Your friends took a different part, you don't have to follow...follow your own fucking path and embrace life or else your apathy means you miss out...

Yeah I feel constantly behind and running out of time tbh.

Depends what your perspective on life is. Due to heavy depression, there were a few times in my 20s where I didn’t think I would see 30. I’m 36 now and living my best life, I appreciate each day. Keep your head up and don’t be too hard on yourself. Be good to yourself.

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At this point I’m just holding out for my folks to pass on to be a “home-owner” as well. As grim as it is but that’s the only way. Live with them, or pay crazy rent. You can’t buy a house

I used to feel that way, I still do, but I used to too.

I'm 34F and definitely relate, especially on the job front. The pay is just enough to feel comfortable month to month but not enough to give me a sense of long term financial security. Yet because I'm ok month to month, I can't bear the thoughts of pivoting to a different career path where I'd have to start at the bottom of the ladder again. So yeah, bit of a catch 22.

Friends have started families and although I love them to bits, it hurts to know I'm lower in their list of priorities than they are in mine. My parents are a bit younger than yours and in good health thankfully so I know I have a lot to be grateful for at the same time.

The only advice I can give is to find a hobby or group or volunteering thing that has a bit of a social aspect if you can, ideally something weekly / monthly and just keep going back again and again even when you don't feel like it. That's been the best way for me to feel like I'm building some sense of community or something that's 'mine' and isn't related to work or existing friendships and relationships. (For me it's a run club, I know that's not for everyone) It doesn't happen overnight though.

39 and 4 months. Shit is getting real

With a job and 3 very young children, navel-gazing was off the menu in my 30s

Felt like I’d never have a place in my 30s, all worked out and bought just before 40. Gets better but sometimes you need to work your ass off for a while and save to get to the other side.

My advice would be to invest in yourself. Do a course like springboard or similar and up skill. Use those skills to get a higher paying job that will hopefully be more interesting as well. From there things might start to open up. Even if the course doesn't turn out to provide much value, at least you'll have broke the monotony for a few months, maybe even meet people similar to yourself.

I'm around the same age as you and although I don't feel hopeless or stuck I do definitely feel 'growing pains'. Embrace change is what I like to say!

same. big time.

Yep, turned 36 today and I'm seriously starting to wonder is this all there is. I'm in the incredibly privileged position of having my own place but outside of that it's a very lonely existence. All my friends are settled down, and I have no one, spent Christmas mostly alone outside of family, didn't have anyone I could meetup with for a few pints or anything. Spent my birthday alone as well of course. I've looked into clubs and stuff but there's very little in my area, I'm really not a sporty person so options are limited

I'm also severely single, the apps just don't work for me. I've actually always been single mostly due to poor mental health and just being a bit of an odd ball. Don't think too many people would be understanding of that on the dating scene, I also don't want kids so that would narrow the pool considerably. Someone I work with actually pointed out that I'm the only one in the entire company that's single.

Speaking of work of I've been stuck in the same toxic job for years, with each year that passes it gets more unbearable. My line of work is getting replaced slowly by ai so the job market is bleak. I applied for a job yesterday that I was perfectly qualified for but got an almost instant rejection saying I'm not what they are looking for

I don't know tbh

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About to turn 30 and dreading it. 😅 Got a long distance thing now and she wants me to join her but I am an only child with a sick ma and two lils. Will be a lot of uncertainty and figuring out the next years. Might get back to the writing gig while my responsibilities have me at home near 24/7.

Honestly only thing I got done is have kids before I turn 30 the rest is kinda still up there 😅 others would count the ba but I am not till I actually got something in the field to work till then it feels like wasted time in a way 💀

I started over at 32 and moved to London from Dublin. On paper it’s not a big move but given I have mild Cerebral Palsy and was moving solo it felt monumental at the time (and I suppose in a way it was). I just turned 38 and rent my own flat, have a good job (though my contract wraps up in May so I’ve started looking for something new) and freelance on the side so I can save a little, despite having to rent.

I’ve had experiences of people, place and travel I never would have had I not moved. Made a great circle of friends, have travelled loads, go to the cinema, west end, concerts - it’s heavenly. Then I decided to focus on me, I got braces, accutane for chronic acne and generally feel I’m in a great place. Still navigating dating but froze my eggs a few years ago to try and stop the anxiety. Ive joined a book club this year, am travelling to Spain, Italy and around the UK (and I even did a solo trip to NYC in late 2024 which was incredible).

I earn enough to really live and that matters to me more than saving every cent but I’m working to be more financially secure this year. The main point is, I felt stuck in Dublin. I knew if I didn’t do something to change it I’d be close to 50 and realise I wasted my life wondering what if.

Your thirties are a so young OP, but you have to make the change you want to see happen - otherwise everything will just stay the same.

Relax into it. You'll either make it out or emigrate. Or learn to live with the situation