I have worked as a librarian for 3 months. I have had to go to 2 hr meetings. First, my initial performance was not good. He had a harsh tone with me after that but I have improved. But I met one on one with my manager who was asking everyone about issues about the library. He said well I've got the gist of things going on so I said I don't have anything to say. But my anxiety made me say you seem angry to me. He called HR to have me meet with HR and a upper level executive asking why I didn't feel safe talking to him. I do feel safe which really means it's subordination or possible not wanting to talk or being alone with me. I have been careless with what I said. I love the library. I get along with everyone. I'm doing things I enjoy. Has my relationship with my manager been destroyed? He comes back mon. from the holidays in another week to introduce a new clerk hired (not my job). Should I hang on or quit? I don't want to be fired.
You should be fine. You should also seek professional help with your anxieties. This isn't normal.
Yes. My anxiety is out of control. I can't leave my apt. I have heavy breathing and panic. I'm going to a dr. soon.
This type of anxiety is normal! It may not be healthy, and is not helping you in the workplace, so yes get help.
This level of anxiety might be being normalized but it is not healthy or sustainable.
To quote the NIH, feeling anxiety is a normal part of life. It would be abnormal to never feel anxious, especially when starting a new job and learning new skills. Note I did encourage OP to get help, learning skills and strategies for effectively dealing with negative emotions is important, and will improve their chance of success.
I did not say anxiety as an emotion is not normal.
The type of anxiety that results in being pulled into HR, and considering quitting your job to avoid seeing your boss should not be normalized.
As some with GAD, there is a healthy level of anxiety. This ain't it.
You’re self sabotaging, just stop. Move on, and after the break go back to work like new and stop saying the first thing that pops into your head.
Okay. I stopped at “he had a harsh tone with me”. This is work. You’re a new employee whose performance is not meeting expectations. Focus. Toughen up. Grow up.
So many people in this world cannot handle direct communication.
OP consider therapy, sometimes you won’t like people’s tone but that is life.
You need to buck up here.
I understand that you don't want to be fired, but don't quit preemptively. That can often bar you from getting unemployment. Besides, this all sounds very salvageable. It sounds like a classic combo of direct supervisor's meets anxious employee. One side perhaps needs to soften messaging, and the other needs to learn to take feedback and control anxious thoughts.
Just hang on. Who knows how the meeting will go, but if they try to pin you down on why you feel "unsafe" talking to him, say something like this:
"It isn't that I feel unsafe, I just really care about this job and my first review didn't go as well as I had hoped. I am trying really hard to get better and make a good impression."
I am very cautious about giving constructive feedback to a superior until I know them well, and understand how they take criticism. The fact that he is involving HR is a little... overkill imo.
If they ask about why you thought he was angry, you could be honest, but I would advise waiting a while before giving that kind of response. I recommend saying something like, "I was anxious since my last review was not ideal. I just wanted reassurance, and it came out wrong."
We are only getting OP side of the story. If he felt that HR needed to be involved then it may have been worse than OP is describing.
True. All I can go on is what is shared here.
I've asked to not train with someone who was harsh. I expected the request to end badly for me. But it has not -so far. So it's possible that your anxiety is feeding you the worst case scenario and that's not what will actually happen.
I would recommend trying to find other places to express how you really feel about your workplace. At work, stick to very concise, non-subjective language when possible. Avoid editorializing about other people's demeanor (even when their behaviors are pretty obvious.)