25F 5’6 118
I’m in a pickle. I began to take Dexedrine obtained from a stranger (almost certainly prescription), with the understanding I’d soon start ADHD medication with my psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist ended up reviewing my entire record (Canada) over the gap for the appointment where I was supposed to be prescribed stims, and is now against this - statedly saying that my antipsychotic might address the motivation issues.
Possibly, past documented concerns about stimulants worsening psychosis were read by him, and specific details of past abuse history (which I told him about but was caused by an antipsychotic / compensatory mechanism).
I made a promise to him that appointment I’d avoid alcohol and substances, and I take that seriously. He did a very good job building rapport and the fact I’m lying to him is getting to me.
He even prescribed my Ativan out of concern for me and my anxiety from delusional experiences, without me asking for it - and I’ve had to take it thee days in a row just to calm down from the stimulants. Really feels like I’m just taking advantage of him.
I’m going on vacation for a month in two days and figured I’d stop the stimulants then, since I won’t be bringing them. Then literally the day I get back, I have an appointment with him.
I have like an unclear schizoaffective psychosis something diagnosis, and the stimulants will mess up treatment and clarity in many ways.
They already are making it impossible to see how new AP is working. One thing is that there’s zero way to tell if the new AP I’m on will help with motivation issues and what not if I’m taking illicit Dexedrine everyday.
But I cannot bring myself to get rid of them before I go on vacation. I’m thinking once I stop them for a month I’ll have a clearer mind to get rid of them, but experience has led me to know better than to trust this.
Ideally, I’d like to just chuck them and not tell him. It’s only affected one appointment / gap at this time.
I’m just worried I won’t be able to stop.
I’m now considering an emergency option of bringing them to the appointment to apologize profusely about and somehow dispose of them.
But, I don’t know the logistics of bringing illegal substances into an appointment. I don’t know what I should do. I feel really bad about this situation I caused.
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You should immediately stop taking any non-prescription medications and dispose of the supply that you have. If you feel unwell because of this, go to ED. Book an appointment with your psychiatrist as urgently as possible and tell them about all medications (prescription and non-prescription), substances (regardless of legality), and supplements/herbal remedies/etc that you take.
Mixing medication/substances/supplements can kill you. I cannot stress enough how much danger you could be in.
Thank you for the reply. What I’m especially hearing is that taking some to make the flight go by faster is a worse idea than I thought. I think we have travel insurance for the vacation if I do need to be seen. I don’t believe it’s meth or anything else other than Dexedrine, but it is dangerous. Because of what you’ve said, I won’t take it again, even before the vacation.
Neither going on a flight nor vacation sounds like the most responsible move at this time.
I can’t see my psychiatrist any earlier anyway, unfortunately. It’s public healthcare.
I stopped the stimulants (30MG a day) for a week and was fine except for boredom as a symptom of withdrawal. I only started them again this Friday and 15MG. I think I’ll be OK.
NAD; If you have a history of psychosis and you’re on and off of medications your doctor likely wouldn’t prescribe you in the first place you could trigger a psychotic episode. Experiencing psychosis in another country could be especially scary and unsafe because you don’t know how you’re going to react, and their response to a mental health crisis could greatly differ from what you’re familiar with at home. You cannot plan for what will happen if you experience psychosis, but this is a potential set up for an episode. You can’t plan to not have a manic or psychotic episode just because it didn’t happen the last time you did this, because mental illnesses are unpredictable. It also sounds like you’re on a newer medication now, which could totally change how your body reacts.
That’s true. I know a psychiatrist where I’m going. If needed, I can always reach out to him.
Stop taking medication not prescribed to you!