And in this case someone who's not even interested in you. Even if you are attracted to someone, them saying they're not attracted to you is a big turn off
I wonder if, at least for some men, horny is equated with being desperate and willing to take anything, either because they’re touch starved or because they hate the feeling of their happiness depending on other people because that makes them feel needy and desperate. If that makes any sense lol
I'm asexual and I always said this: Being asexual with a high sex drive is like having a loaded gun with an itchy trigger finger, but not being able to find a target you want to hit.
Meh. I tried just far enough to see if I was into it. So my answer is "no", not because I'm closeted, but because I actually checked.
But I wouldn't sleep with every woman either, not even back in my poly days. There were women I turned down, in some cases even though doing so crushed them.
I'm on the other side of this "too closeted" meme : I'm queer, into men like me, and I've tried straight sex just enough to know that it's not for me. I feel sexual & romantic attraction aren't a choice!
Because society considers women who have sex whenever they want, with whatever men they want, to be hoes. It's ingrained in us hound, and it really messes with your head and comfort with sex in general. Culturally, we are not comfortable with women's sexual freedom.
Too many people out there view women’s desires as merely an optional luxury. Certainly many don’t see it as a blocking issue if the gentleman is interested but the lady in question is not.
And many men are happy to delude themselves about it so that in their minds a woman saying no is merely being demure and only needs to be assertively convinced to follow her desires.
That is certainly part of it; but another part is that men, instead, are often shamed (mostly by other men) for not being 100% horny 100% of the time. A man who went "you know what, sex just isn't a concern for me for now" would be seen by many other men as unmanly or perhaps as somebody who's lying to themselves to cope (as somebody who's somewhere in the ace/grey/demi/whatever spectrum - I never felt much need to pinpoint that too accurately - I've met a bit of this sort of silliness myself).
As for whether men or women are more interested in sex or whether they're equally interested... I suspect that there's so much individual variability inside of each category that any difference in averages - if it existed, just for argument's sake - would be largely meaningless anyway: even if on average men happened to be more interested in sex than women, that wouldn't necessarily tell you much about the likelihood that a random particular man would be more interested in it than a random particular woman.
Because this is a myth. While women are shamed for being interested in sex, this doesn't explain the libido gap. Lesbians have the least amount of sex while gay men have the most by such a massive margin that it's essentially on a different scale to everyone else.
I'm trans. I've felt the hormonal difference. On T I need sex. On E I can want it, but it's not even close to how it is on T.
i took T for +/- a year. my libido was DEAD. i was very horny before and i am EXTREMELY horny now that i stopped taking it and my E levels are getting back to normal. the difference is actually insane
Nah fam, I’m also trans and even though testosterone certainly makes you hornier it doesn’t turn you into some kind of sex-crazed animal on its own. We need to differentiate between a need and a want. Not doing so perpetuates rape culture
You know damn well what I meant. It makes you hornier.
There's a difference between social/relationship needs and physical needs. Denying the former exist isn't protecting against rape culture, it's just pretending sexual compatibility doesn't exist and then wondering why people have so many relationship issues.
I know what you meant, thats why I replied. I agree that testosterone raises libido but I strongly disagree on equating it with a need in any sense. Calling sex a need instead of a desire is doing ideological work, whether you intend it or not. It reinforces a narrative where someone else is expected to manage your body, your impulses, your frustration. Historically, that hasn’t exactly gone great for women and people expected to “provide.”
And no, libido isn’t separate from social dynamics. It doesn’t live in a sterile lab environment. Whose sexuality is allowed to exist freely and whose is punished, shamed, or controlled directly affects desire and behavior. Power shapes libido just as much as hormones do. Pretending it’s “just biology” is the oversimplification here. It’s giving Boys will be boys tbh
Now. To be clear. Sometimes a study will say lesbians have like no sex at all. In that case, the study is probably only counting it as sex if penetration is involved, maybe even only strap on usage at that. But yes, lesbians have less sex than straight couples who have less sex than gay men by such a massive margin that there's no point even trying to compare them.
Seriously. Whenever the topic of "body count" comes up, the gay dudes are in a completely different ecosystem to the rest of us.
I've heard a similar experience from a trans woman I know. After she got on HRT and her T levels dropped, she told me that she had an epiphany. It was like her mind calmed and she could focus on other things. Her T-dominant libido and her E-dominant one were on completely different scales, as you imply.
Yes. As I said, culture and shame do play a role. In fact if you read this article you'll see that it actually affects men as well in the exact same way. With men reporting less sexual partners if they believe peers will see the results, just like women do.
You'll also notice that the disparity remains regardless.
Sexual desire is heavily affected by hormone levels, stress, and other factors. But those factors exist. In a vacuum with those factors somehow removed, people would probably have the same levels of sexual desire. We aren't spherical cows, though. We don't live in a vacuum.
The biggest part of that article in terms of actually proving your point was couples self reporting whether they think they have the same level of sexual desire. Not any actual empirical data. You should know that this will not be accurate. Men do not want to appear needy. Women do not want to appear promiscuous. Both do not want to appear sexually incompatible.
The libido gap absolutely exists. My girlfriends and I have always talked about sex- and they would usually be happy with having sex once every two weeks at most. The others are once a month or so is their happy zone. I am an outlier of my female friends bc I want it usually every day to every other day. I also have naturally high androgen levels for a woman just naturally.
That's absolutely true in my experience too. There's just something incredibly sexy about a man who isn't afraid to be playful with his gender expression & his style. I think androgynous looks are so enigmatic & captivating, be they more femme, masc or nb.
I wish. I'm pretty skinny and not very conventionally masculine. The only person who seems to have ever genuinely found me attractive was an afab enby. They were wonderful for what it's worth, but they and people like them are exceedingly rare where I live. I don't think there's ever been a cishet woman who was into me that much. Admittedly, I don't dress in a way that stands out much, but the point stands. If most of the people where I live aren't into me, then I'm just shit outta luck.
This is a very good point, where a person lives is definitely going to make a considerable difference. Cities & certain towns are going to be hugely more diverse & accepting than other places, so finding community is a game changer. Do you think you will have a chance to live somewhere else some day? You should do some research online for the places you'd like to visit, that also have a well established queer scene.
If you can ever afford it & go to some gigs or events or weekends away, you could see if you find somewhere that feels like a place you would love to be. Like Brighton in the UK is considered the gay capital. I think San Francisco would be the equivalent in the states?! Berlin is an amazing & very unique city. I'm sure other people can suggest their fave places!
Then maybe experiment with your personal style, like have fun & find clothes that make you feel amazing, & then see what kind of people you begin talking to. I love Cooper Neidecker on YT, he's cishet but so fluid. Harry Styles has been wearing some amazing outfits in the last couple years. You can also look at Billy Porter, David Bowie, Prince, the glam rock bands, basically everyone in the 80s- see if anyone inspires you.
These things do take time, but I find IME the older you get, the more you feel like living as who you are rather than who people expect you to be.
Try various subcultures. I've found people who don't like traditional society are usually way nicer and more fun to be around socially.
Anything from raves to D&D groups and beyond!
It's not just about being physically attractive. You can easily go from an average looking dude to super sexy just by saying the right things. Passion and confidence are pretty universally viewed as sexy.
You have to talk to them and get to know them first.
Someone like Flynn Rider from Tangled is closer to what most straight women consider physically attractive than the muscle dudes from action movies. And, as far as I remember, a lot of women find MCU Loki more attractive than MCU Thor.
Yeah, as a pretty masc-presenting/fit bi dude only men ever comment about my muscles lol. The most important factor in attracting women seems to be not acting like a fragile misogynistic asshole.
I'm sure it's easy to just want to fuck anyone that will have you, when you're both socially rewarded for it, and carry almost none of the risk of a sexual encounter. One side has to risk their life, health or sanity with the possibilty of assault, unplanned pregnancy or death, and is strongly stigmatised for being sexually active. Hmm, strange, I wonder why afab people are increasingly hesitant...
Not to mention, after all that, you’re much more likely to end up unsatisfied from the whole encounter considering the orgasm gap between cis-het men & women. If you’re a horny woman, you’re better off getting yourself off
THIS! I had a sky-high libido in my 20s, but learned after much trial and error that no cis man could get me off without months of coaching, if ever. So why would I take it a step further by hooking up with people I don't find attractive who aren't attracted to me? Guaranteed no orgasm and you know it's not leading to any in the future... no, thank you.
every time I see some 'men are always horny' claim it feels like I'm considered 'not a man'. this is how I eventually learned about and started identifying with the asexual spectrum. I'm fine with occasional sex but I'm mostly indifferent about it and never feel like 'I need sex' 'I'm constantly thinking about sex' like people claim men are 'supposed to'. for a lot of my life I couldn't tell if other people were being ridiculous exaggerating how much they 'need' sex or what because I just couldn't relate. it still sounds ridiculous to me.
Women as humans are horny af, they just don't wanna deal with all the bullshit piv brings to them so they don't commit? But ofc non-piv sex ain't real sex so therefore women are just frigid prudes, am I right guys?
So many men I used to socialize with would mention a sexy woman and many of them would sexualize her and say how much they wanna fuck her. Then they'd ask me, a thick shelled egg, if I would (men are weird). I always said that personality meant more to me and I'd have to get to know her first. Most would be understanding, some would say "not me, I'd tap that" or similar, and a few asses would ask if I was [homophobic slur de jur].
From tappers to asses most seemed performative. Fear of coming off as gay if they didn't objectify women all the time.
Have u tried sexualizing them back? Omg we have a bunch of cute boys over here omg men’s ass is so huge it makes me just wanna and butt rape y’all with this broomstick (boondocks reference) or strap ons or whatever. See if they like it. Men would sexualize and objectify women and even shame women for having sex with them, yet wonder why no women wanna fuck them and why there’s a loneliness epidemic.
Imagine if other men treat them the same way they treat women they would immediately understand what a consent is but nooo apparently woman aren’t even considered human beings the way men are and should have no rights to self ownership 🤷🏻♀️.
I'm a cis man and I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I don't know what this is about
Edit: I should say I'm also gay and I know the stereotype is that we'll try to fuck a rolling donut but I think the reality is the same with just about anyone: if you're not feeling the attraction you don't have sex with them. The person in the meme is going through some shit
Oh I've met plenty of desperate weido creeps who'd fuck anything that moves to get their dick wet. I have many predominantly "masculine" hobbies and the amount of times where the dudes considered me "one of the boys" and just casually said the most pathetic, vile and dehumanizing shit about women in front of me is overwhelming. Including them bragging about fucking women even though they didn't like them nor find them attractive. Not saying it's most men, but it's a lot of men.
"men aren't emotional/emotions are feminine" yet everything they do is based on their fear of appearing weak to other males even at the expense of their capacity to actually form healthy relationships with literally anyone. bravo
Imma be real, all the most emotional people Ik are men. Like it’s always men who get angry at small shit or overblow meaningless stuff in my experience 😭
Nah what you observed there is even more pathetic, they did find these women attractive but know they don't fit in the "conventionally attractive" box and feel too insecure to just tell their coworkers/friends the truth. Male sexuality isn't wildly different theres just a role you're expected to play and cishet culture punishes you for not fulfilling that role
Like I dated a woman one time that told me after I had told her I was depressed and my libido was down because of it, basically shame me because "she's used to dating guys that are always wanting to have sex" (not in the same conversation mind you she's not a demon just a bit thoughtless with that comment). It felt like she was saying that I don't stack up against the exes because I didn't have an insatiable sexual drive like men are supposed to - i'm just saying the lying about wanting to sleep with someone feels like the other side of the coin where if you aren't ready to fuck 24/7 then you aren't a man but also if you say you're banging someone "the boys" don't also find attractive then you're also not a man
Meanwhile, when they get in relationships, they barely make their dick work, leaving their partner in dead bedrooms, because porn addiction gave them erectile disfuncional. Yet they pretend they are able to make love to every single women out there... They are delusional.
As a man I do hate hanging out with other men. Every man has to act like the big man in a group of men and they get so much worse if it's a group of guys and one girl. Every group of guys I have ever been friends with is the same from the most nerd like to the most jock like.
“Having their masculinity questioned” implies some external force is doing it to them. In reality, they question their own masculinity, constantly. Nobody else is doing that to them. It’s self imposed.
I used to think men and women both experienced sexuality in the same way until I got a boyfriend and realized how radically differently we experienced sexual desire. It doesn't make it any less intense for women, it doesn't mean we don't feel the same levels of lust on occasion, I just think the way sexuality expresses itself through men and women is in general very different. He had a more is more approach and said he couldn't live without regular sex/masturbation. For me it was different. I would rather not have sex at all than with a random stranger I didn't care about. At first I didn't understand this at all and to be honest I still struggle understanding it. What is so appealing about sex itself and not as the expression of something deeper?
That's not necessarily an inherent man/woman difference though, it sounds like a you vs your boyfriend difference. I've known women like your boyfriend and men like you (not even getting into ace and demi people).
The only consistent differences I've ever seen across large groups of men and women's behaviors around sex can all be explained by societal expectations. For instance, some women could crave sex to the same extent as your boyfriend, attach no emotion or anything deeper to it, and still not have sex with strangers because of purity culture or safety concerns or the general cultural expectation that women shouldn't be easy or a million other reasons. They might still masturbate or have a trusted fwb to get their needs met though.
Yeah men make it impossible for women to have abortions yet proceed to shoot their dirty load everywhere and refuse to give child support. Bruh if women get death penalties just for wanting control over her body how come we don’t give death penalties to the rapists and the absent fathers? Thought y’all cared about children? Thought y’all pro “life”?
pregnancy is also a risk for men if they have a single molecule of responsibility within them but alas
edit to clarify I'm saying if men were connected enough to the women they were having sex with, pregnancy wouldn't be seen as a "woman problem" and men would take health and safety into account instead of coercing, stealthing, and other crap like that and then hating single mothers while completely ignoring how they contribute
I mean, I need to masturbate almost every day to keep sane, but I absolutely do not translate that into wanting to have sex. The desire to get off is completely seperate from the desire to be with someone, to me. The desire to get off is a physiological urge like hunger, the desire to be with someone is a social-emotional desire like friendship.
It's much less of a masculinity thing (as most of those types just lie about how often they get laid anyway) and much more of a loneliness issue.
Regardless of gender, there are a lot of people who lower their standards to zero because they think that's the only way to feel loved. It's admittedly very common with straight guys though. It's pretty sad.
You're coercing yourself into having sex with someone you are not attracted to just for the sake of some benefit, an ulterior motive, which is usually favour with males you want to impress. That's consent by coercion and that's constituent of rape.
Before my egg cracked I spent decades thinking I was male. I never did what is described in the picture, but I did feel pressured regularly to prove masculinity. It's possible that some cis men don't feel that way, but those I've asked certainly do.
What (cis) guys have you talked with about this scenario? This being “performative” doesn’t feel like an actual assessment of real guys so much as a cliche.
u/nome_ann, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...
I could be wrong, but I don't think horniness equates to willingness to have sex with some rando?
Horny=\=desperate. Plenty of people would rather take things into their own hands than have sex with someone they're not interested in.
I wish I could give you an award for this.
And in this case someone who's not even interested in you. Even if you are attracted to someone, them saying they're not attracted to you is a big turn off
I wonder if, at least for some men, horny is equated with being desperate and willing to take anything, either because they’re touch starved or because they hate the feeling of their happiness depending on other people because that makes them feel needy and desperate. If that makes any sense lol
I'm asexual and I always said this: Being asexual with a high sex drive is like having a loaded gun with an itchy trigger finger, but not being able to find a target you want to hit.
Uhhhhh acktchually he said it was his friend jeez
Correct. For example, sex repulsed asexuals can still be horny, even generally have a high libido yet never have sex with someone.
Plus… If you know your own body… you don’t really need someone else for that
LF: Would you have sex with a guy?
Me: No way.
LF: Why?
Me: Because I'm not attracted to... HEY!
[deleted]
Meh. I tried just far enough to see if I was into it. So my answer is "no", not because I'm closeted, but because I actually checked.
But I wouldn't sleep with every woman either, not even back in my poly days. There were women I turned down, in some cases even though doing so crushed them.
I'm on the other side of this "too closeted" meme : I'm queer, into men like me, and I've tried straight sex just enough to know that it's not for me. I feel sexual & romantic attraction aren't a choice!
Can we please stop this closeted BS. not all misogynistic or homophobic men are closeted and I’m tired of that being put on the gay community
not everyone is into men lol
Women are just as interested in sex as men are, if not more so, they're just shamed for it for some reason.
Such a weird concept, too. I mean straight men, wouldn't you want your partner to be just as interested in sex as you?
Right?
...right?
Because society considers women who have sex whenever they want, with whatever men they want, to be hoes. It's ingrained in us hound, and it really messes with your head and comfort with sex in general. Culturally, we are not comfortable with women's sexual freedom.
Then, they expect to you to perform like a pornstar with your spouse.
This is it, exactly.
Too many people out there view women’s desires as merely an optional luxury. Certainly many don’t see it as a blocking issue if the gentleman is interested but the lady in question is not.
And many men are happy to delude themselves about it so that in their minds a woman saying no is merely being demure and only needs to be assertively convinced to follow her desires.
Either they believe sex with men is inherently degrading or they really want it to be 😑
That is certainly part of it; but another part is that men, instead, are often shamed (mostly by other men) for not being 100% horny 100% of the time. A man who went "you know what, sex just isn't a concern for me for now" would be seen by many other men as unmanly or perhaps as somebody who's lying to themselves to cope (as somebody who's somewhere in the ace/grey/demi/whatever spectrum - I never felt much need to pinpoint that too accurately - I've met a bit of this sort of silliness myself).
As for whether men or women are more interested in sex or whether they're equally interested... I suspect that there's so much individual variability inside of each category that any difference in averages - if it existed, just for argument's sake - would be largely meaningless anyway: even if on average men happened to be more interested in sex than women, that wouldn't necessarily tell you much about the likelihood that a random particular man would be more interested in it than a random particular woman.
Because this is a myth. While women are shamed for being interested in sex, this doesn't explain the libido gap. Lesbians have the least amount of sex while gay men have the most by such a massive margin that it's essentially on a different scale to everyone else.
I'm trans. I've felt the hormonal difference. On T I need sex. On E I can want it, but it's not even close to how it is on T.
i took T for +/- a year. my libido was DEAD. i was very horny before and i am EXTREMELY horny now that i stopped taking it and my E levels are getting back to normal. the difference is actually insane
Nah fam, I’m also trans and even though testosterone certainly makes you hornier it doesn’t turn you into some kind of sex-crazed animal on its own. We need to differentiate between a need and a want. Not doing so perpetuates rape culture
You know damn well what I meant. It makes you hornier.
There's a difference between social/relationship needs and physical needs. Denying the former exist isn't protecting against rape culture, it's just pretending sexual compatibility doesn't exist and then wondering why people have so many relationship issues.
I know what you meant, thats why I replied. I agree that testosterone raises libido but I strongly disagree on equating it with a need in any sense. Calling sex a need instead of a desire is doing ideological work, whether you intend it or not. It reinforces a narrative where someone else is expected to manage your body, your impulses, your frustration. Historically, that hasn’t exactly gone great for women and people expected to “provide.” And no, libido isn’t separate from social dynamics. It doesn’t live in a sterile lab environment. Whose sexuality is allowed to exist freely and whose is punished, shamed, or controlled directly affects desire and behavior. Power shapes libido just as much as hormones do. Pretending it’s “just biology” is the oversimplification here. It’s giving Boys will be boys tbh
Wym lesbians have the least amount of sex? I mean, at least in my relationships we did it a lot
You are an outlier, like me.
Now. To be clear. Sometimes a study will say lesbians have like no sex at all. In that case, the study is probably only counting it as sex if penetration is involved, maybe even only strap on usage at that. But yes, lesbians have less sex than straight couples who have less sex than gay men by such a massive margin that there's no point even trying to compare them.
Seriously. Whenever the topic of "body count" comes up, the gay dudes are in a completely different ecosystem to the rest of us.
I've heard a similar experience from a trans woman I know. After she got on HRT and her T levels dropped, she told me that she had an epiphany. It was like her mind calmed and she could focus on other things. Her T-dominant libido and her E-dominant one were on completely different scales, as you imply.
Fascinating thing, hormones.
https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare
Yes. As I said, culture and shame do play a role. In fact if you read this article you'll see that it actually affects men as well in the exact same way. With men reporting less sexual partners if they believe peers will see the results, just like women do.
You'll also notice that the disparity remains regardless.
Sexual desire is heavily affected by hormone levels, stress, and other factors. But those factors exist. In a vacuum with those factors somehow removed, people would probably have the same levels of sexual desire. We aren't spherical cows, though. We don't live in a vacuum.
The biggest part of that article in terms of actually proving your point was couples self reporting whether they think they have the same level of sexual desire. Not any actual empirical data. You should know that this will not be accurate. Men do not want to appear needy. Women do not want to appear promiscuous. Both do not want to appear sexually incompatible.
The libido gap absolutely exists. My girlfriends and I have always talked about sex- and they would usually be happy with having sex once every two weeks at most. The others are once a month or so is their happy zone. I am an outlier of my female friends bc I want it usually every day to every other day. I also have naturally high androgen levels for a woman just naturally.
Yeah. People here are delusional for some reason. Yeah there's outliers. I'm one of them. Even on E my libido is above average. Just easier to ignore.
I had a lot of success with the ladies over the years.
I was an androgenous and somewhat effeminate raver in the 90s.
In my direct personal experience, lots of woman prefer guys who aren't machismo tough guys.
That's absolutely true in my experience too. There's just something incredibly sexy about a man who isn't afraid to be playful with his gender expression & his style. I think androgynous looks are so enigmatic & captivating, be they more femme, masc or nb.
Nowadays I'm an old dude with a beard, but I was pretty in the 90s, damnit! Lol
You can still be pretty with a beard! Charisma ages well too, I'm sure you've still got it going on plenty!
Dude! 😄 My usual predilection is in fact androgynous anime character type, but Thunderbolts Bucky can get it!
I wish. I'm pretty skinny and not very conventionally masculine. The only person who seems to have ever genuinely found me attractive was an afab enby. They were wonderful for what it's worth, but they and people like them are exceedingly rare where I live. I don't think there's ever been a cishet woman who was into me that much. Admittedly, I don't dress in a way that stands out much, but the point stands. If most of the people where I live aren't into me, then I'm just shit outta luck.
This is a very good point, where a person lives is definitely going to make a considerable difference. Cities & certain towns are going to be hugely more diverse & accepting than other places, so finding community is a game changer. Do you think you will have a chance to live somewhere else some day? You should do some research online for the places you'd like to visit, that also have a well established queer scene.
If you can ever afford it & go to some gigs or events or weekends away, you could see if you find somewhere that feels like a place you would love to be. Like Brighton in the UK is considered the gay capital. I think San Francisco would be the equivalent in the states?! Berlin is an amazing & very unique city. I'm sure other people can suggest their fave places!
Then maybe experiment with your personal style, like have fun & find clothes that make you feel amazing, & then see what kind of people you begin talking to. I love Cooper Neidecker on YT, he's cishet but so fluid. Harry Styles has been wearing some amazing outfits in the last couple years. You can also look at Billy Porter, David Bowie, Prince, the glam rock bands, basically everyone in the 80s- see if anyone inspires you.
These things do take time, but I find IME the older you get, the more you feel like living as who you are rather than who people expect you to be.
Try various subcultures. I've found people who don't like traditional society are usually way nicer and more fun to be around socially.
Anything from raves to D&D groups and beyond!
It's not just about being physically attractive. You can easily go from an average looking dude to super sexy just by saying the right things. Passion and confidence are pretty universally viewed as sexy.
You have to talk to them and get to know them first.
Someone like Flynn Rider from Tangled is closer to what most straight women consider physically attractive than the muscle dudes from action movies. And, as far as I remember, a lot of women find MCU Loki more attractive than MCU Thor.
Yeah, as a pretty masc-presenting/fit bi dude only men ever comment about my muscles lol. The most important factor in attracting women seems to be not acting like a fragile misogynistic asshole.
I'm sure it's easy to just want to fuck anyone that will have you, when you're both socially rewarded for it, and carry almost none of the risk of a sexual encounter. One side has to risk their life, health or sanity with the possibilty of assault, unplanned pregnancy or death, and is strongly stigmatised for being sexually active. Hmm, strange, I wonder why afab people are increasingly hesitant...
This. I wish we could just shut off our ovaries and fuck risk free but ofc men can be violent freaks when they don't get their way.
Not to mention, after all that, you’re much more likely to end up unsatisfied from the whole encounter considering the orgasm gap between cis-het men & women. If you’re a horny woman, you’re better off getting yourself off
THIS! I had a sky-high libido in my 20s, but learned after much trial and error that no cis man could get me off without months of coaching, if ever. So why would I take it a step further by hooking up with people I don't find attractive who aren't attracted to me? Guaranteed no orgasm and you know it's not leading to any in the future... no, thank you.
And, and, and, we are much less likely to orgasm in the encounter, so the physical payoff is nonexistent too.
I guess we’ll never know ( /s )
every time I see some 'men are always horny' claim it feels like I'm considered 'not a man'. this is how I eventually learned about and started identifying with the asexual spectrum. I'm fine with occasional sex but I'm mostly indifferent about it and never feel like 'I need sex' 'I'm constantly thinking about sex' like people claim men are 'supposed to'. for a lot of my life I couldn't tell if other people were being ridiculous exaggerating how much they 'need' sex or what because I just couldn't relate. it still sounds ridiculous to me.
Women as humans are horny af, they just don't wanna deal with all the bullshit piv brings to them so they don't commit? But ofc non-piv sex ain't real sex so therefore women are just frigid prudes, am I right guys?
So many men I used to socialize with would mention a sexy woman and many of them would sexualize her and say how much they wanna fuck her. Then they'd ask me, a thick shelled egg, if I would (men are weird). I always said that personality meant more to me and I'd have to get to know her first. Most would be understanding, some would say "not me, I'd tap that" or similar, and a few asses would ask if I was [homophobic slur de jur].
From tappers to asses most seemed performative. Fear of coming off as gay if they didn't objectify women all the time.
Have u tried sexualizing them back? Omg we have a bunch of cute boys over here omg men’s ass is so huge it makes me just wanna and butt rape y’all with this broomstick (boondocks reference) or strap ons or whatever. See if they like it. Men would sexualize and objectify women and even shame women for having sex with them, yet wonder why no women wanna fuck them and why there’s a loneliness epidemic.
Imagine if other men treat them the same way they treat women they would immediately understand what a consent is but nooo apparently woman aren’t even considered human beings the way men are and should have no rights to self ownership 🤷🏻♀️.
Straight men always with the "You're ugly anyway" after getting rejected.
I'm a cis man and I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I don't know what this is about
Edit: I should say I'm also gay and I know the stereotype is that we'll try to fuck a rolling donut but I think the reality is the same with just about anyone: if you're not feeling the attraction you don't have sex with them. The person in the meme is going through some shit
Oh I've met plenty of desperate weido creeps who'd fuck anything that moves to get their dick wet. I have many predominantly "masculine" hobbies and the amount of times where the dudes considered me "one of the boys" and just casually said the most pathetic, vile and dehumanizing shit about women in front of me is overwhelming. Including them bragging about fucking women even though they didn't like them nor find them attractive. Not saying it's most men, but it's a lot of men.
"men aren't emotional/emotions are feminine" yet everything they do is based on their fear of appearing weak to other males even at the expense of their capacity to actually form healthy relationships with literally anyone. bravo
Imma be real, all the most emotional people Ik are men. Like it’s always men who get angry at small shit or overblow meaningless stuff in my experience 😭
Anger is also an emotion
Somehow people constantly forget that. I am incapable of comprehending whu
Nah what you observed there is even more pathetic, they did find these women attractive but know they don't fit in the "conventionally attractive" box and feel too insecure to just tell their coworkers/friends the truth. Male sexuality isn't wildly different theres just a role you're expected to play and cishet culture punishes you for not fulfilling that role
Like I dated a woman one time that told me after I had told her I was depressed and my libido was down because of it, basically shame me because "she's used to dating guys that are always wanting to have sex" (not in the same conversation mind you she's not a demon just a bit thoughtless with that comment). It felt like she was saying that I don't stack up against the exes because I didn't have an insatiable sexual drive like men are supposed to - i'm just saying the lying about wanting to sleep with someone feels like the other side of the coin where if you aren't ready to fuck 24/7 then you aren't a man but also if you say you're banging someone "the boys" don't also find attractive then you're also not a man
“I’d lower my standards to fuck you, why aren’t you jumping on this opportunity?”
That's not horny that's desperate
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There was a bot message from the mods reminding me to remove any personaly identifying information.
Men going on and on about how not horny women are is telling on themselves. Don't they see?
Horny doesn't mean desperate.
Meanwhile, when they get in relationships, they barely make their dick work, leaving their partner in dead bedrooms, because porn addiction gave them erectile disfuncional. Yet they pretend they are able to make love to every single women out there... They are delusional.
As a man I do hate hanging out with other men. Every man has to act like the big man in a group of men and they get so much worse if it's a group of guys and one girl. Every group of guys I have ever been friends with is the same from the most nerd like to the most jock like.
“Having their masculinity questioned” implies some external force is doing it to them. In reality, they question their own masculinity, constantly. Nobody else is doing that to them. It’s self imposed.
I used to think men and women both experienced sexuality in the same way until I got a boyfriend and realized how radically differently we experienced sexual desire. It doesn't make it any less intense for women, it doesn't mean we don't feel the same levels of lust on occasion, I just think the way sexuality expresses itself through men and women is in general very different. He had a more is more approach and said he couldn't live without regular sex/masturbation. For me it was different. I would rather not have sex at all than with a random stranger I didn't care about. At first I didn't understand this at all and to be honest I still struggle understanding it. What is so appealing about sex itself and not as the expression of something deeper?
That's not necessarily an inherent man/woman difference though, it sounds like a you vs your boyfriend difference. I've known women like your boyfriend and men like you (not even getting into ace and demi people).
The only consistent differences I've ever seen across large groups of men and women's behaviors around sex can all be explained by societal expectations. For instance, some women could crave sex to the same extent as your boyfriend, attach no emotion or anything deeper to it, and still not have sex with strangers because of purity culture or safety concerns or the general cultural expectation that women shouldn't be easy or a million other reasons. They might still masturbate or have a trusted fwb to get their needs met though.
I think you’re getting at spontaneous and responsive desire. It’s not necessarily a man/woman thing.
Would that be becuase you have way more risk from fucking men than your bf fucking women? Like pregnancy
Yeah men make it impossible for women to have abortions yet proceed to shoot their dirty load everywhere and refuse to give child support. Bruh if women get death penalties just for wanting control over her body how come we don’t give death penalties to the rapists and the absent fathers? Thought y’all cared about children? Thought y’all pro “life”?
pregnancy is also a risk for men if they have a single molecule of responsibility within them but alas
edit to clarify I'm saying if men were connected enough to the women they were having sex with, pregnancy wouldn't be seen as a "woman problem" and men would take health and safety into account instead of coercing, stealthing, and other crap like that and then hating single mothers while completely ignoring how they contribute
Nah youre not biologically obligated to be there for your pregnant baby momma and then just doing the bare minumun gets you praise
i wish people would tell you why they're downvoting sometimes bc in this case i really have no idea what theyre disagreeing with
I mean, I need to masturbate almost every day to keep sane, but I absolutely do not translate that into wanting to have sex. The desire to get off is completely seperate from the desire to be with someone, to me. The desire to get off is a physiological urge like hunger, the desire to be with someone is a social-emotional desire like friendship.
It's much less of a masculinity thing (as most of those types just lie about how often they get laid anyway) and much more of a loneliness issue.
Regardless of gender, there are a lot of people who lower their standards to zero because they think that's the only way to feel loved. It's admittedly very common with straight guys though. It's pretty sad.
This is no longer performance territory.
My guy, at this point you're raping yourself.
You're coercing yourself into having sex with someone you are not attracted to just for the sake of some benefit, an ulterior motive, which is usually favour with males you want to impress. That's consent by coercion and that's constituent of rape.
You can be horny and still have standards
What these lads always fail to even begin to comprehend is that horniness could pOSSIBLY feel or manifest differently for others.
She may be hornier than you could ever even imagine, but that does not mean she doesn't have any fucking standards, Kyle.
Is this being an “obligation” or “performing” an actual take?
Before my egg cracked I spent decades thinking I was male. I never did what is described in the picture, but I did feel pressured regularly to prove masculinity. It's possible that some cis men don't feel that way, but those I've asked certainly do.
What (cis) guys have you talked with about this scenario? This being “performative” doesn’t feel like an actual assessment of real guys so much as a cliche.