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Husband: "Your body better bounce back this time."
(I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've heard from the men in my life that they're disappointed that their wife's body changed after pregnancy/birth. They complain about stretch marks, scars and soft tummies, as if those aren't all signs that their wives brought a whole ass child into the world for them.)
Well, husband, I hope you never age, get a wrinkle, have your metabolism slow, lose your hair, go grey, your balls don’t drag down or anything. Oh what’s that? All of that is natural? Oh I see. Well if you wanted something that had a body that would never change can I interest you in a sex doll? When you’re able to treat women like natural living humans we can talk about if you’re mature enough for a wife. Until then, here’s. Whatever these things are made of. tosses a sex doll at him
"But but men age like fine wine and their fertility isn't affected by ageing we just get better"
The cope from redpillers is absolutely unhinged from reality a lot of the time. I recently had one try to tell me that the very slight dip in fertility between 20 and 30, which isn't really relevant as most people will still conceive normally much the same at those ages, is a huge deal and totally why everyone should marry or date 20 year olds. Whilst ignoring the sources I posted about how much paternal age, smoking, weed, alcohol etc can influence miscarriage and infertility. They love the idea that women get used up by some ridiculously early age whilst men are apparently immortal. It's like, sure. I'm a doctor who went through infertility and IVF but I'm sure your lived experience at "assholes make shit up" podcast trumps that. Lol.
Like, if you're obsessing over slight changes that don't matter in practice, you'd better get your own house in order - live in the gym, cut all alcohol and drugs including smoking, avoid testosterone therapy, have a very healthy diet...because those things impact male fertility far more than a woman being 30 impacts hers.
These people are beyond help. We all age. Male fertility goes down as well as they age as I understand.
I’m glad I’m in my 30’s and “used up” by their standards. Oh I’m a useless husk of a woman? I won’t have your sexist ass harassing me? Oh no! How tragic! I’ll cry over this and think about what I’ve done- if you could give me that in a legally binding contract that would phenomenal.
Like, life is so much more than just teens and early twenties. I think about all the life they’re refusing exists. What do they think we’re doing 25-end of life in a world we’re people live to 100+?
You can’t cure that level of sexism. My condolences to the women in their lives that have to deal with them.
I saw an AITA where a woman bought bigger shoes postpartum and her husband got rid of them cause “her feet will go back to the size they were if she loses the baby weight, buying bigger shoes means she’s given up”
I wish this were true! I ended up thinner for a while after having my second child due to an eating disorder and that half size I gained stuck around. Seriously annoying. Lost a lot of cute shoes I still miss 18 years later.
We have a new coworker (male) that recently had a 4th child, and they’re all under 5. We had an out of work event and his wife came along with their kids. We asked how she and new baby were doing, and she said she was having a hard time getting the baby to latch. Her husband butted in and was like “she complains every single time about this you’d think she’d have figured it out by now” and he was 100% not joking around with her. She looked so hurt and embarrassed.
That's horrible. A baby not latching can be extremely distressing. I can't even imagine how anxious that's making her feel, not to mention her so called "husband" making the whole situation ten times worse. I genuinely hope she's getting support elsewhere.
Four children under five is wild. One kid is born and she’s pregnant again in a short time? Can’t imagine the poor lady has any time or energy…
The absolute nerve of her husband to publicly shame her for struggling with something very common (and vulnerable!) when he put her in this situation. Maybe stay off of her for five seconds and help her instead, man!
My dad was always making not very subtle jabs at my mom for failing to continue to look like she did when they were dating. The fact that she'd had 8 pregnancies and 7 live births never once crossed his mind.
It crossed his mind, and he knew it was impossible to look the same after 7 births. (Men aren’t idiots.) He knowingly made impossible demands and cruel jokes to bring her down a peg
I grew up in the church. I was good friends with the girls of this one family who's mom birthed 13 kids. The dad was always on her case about losing weight and refused to wear condoms. She begged him to get a vasectomy and it took him years to agree. The straights were never okay.
Doing a thing for yourself is completely different though. I don’t get why some people are so confused about this.
I wanted a child, and I was able to make one. My husband wanted one but he was not able to make one. In order to become a parent, he needed someone else to grow and birth a child. I did that for him. I also did it for me, but I could have had a baby on my own with nothing but a sperm donation and I’d still be a mother.
Some people would rather have their children grow up thinking it's normal that couples hate each other, than growing up with a single parent. Later they can't understand why their kids date awful people
I feel like it is more complicated than that. Kids pick up on a lot thats for sure. However relationships are tough by itself, then throw a kid in there, financials and etc.
I dont think its as simple as "hey I know im in a bad relationship but im gonna raise this child with someone I hate and hope for the best"
I think there are some people that just really try to keep the relationship alive while raising a kid. There is so much time that passes from marriage, careers, having a kid and raising a kid. To expect that everyone stays the same is ridiculous. People change alot and both of the couple have to adapt and pivot to make it work. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. But it's not for lack of effort in some cases.
No literally I do think a lot of straight people are in relationships with people they just found superficially attractive because "that's what you're supposed to do" and there's no actual love between them. Because the relationship is built on physical attraction and miming out social norms not an organic connection between two people
I think a lot of straight guys just married a willing woman who is not completely repulsive to them because if you don’t get married by 30 you are a failure or something.
Some also think its gonna be garanteed pussy til they die if they marry the woman. Too bad for them it doesnt work that way! My ex happens to be someone who never really wanted to get married when we did. A few years into our marriage he actually told me that he hadn't wanted to get married! I was like then why the fuck did you do it? His answer: cause its what you wanted.🤦♀️🤦♀️ like dude if your not in love enough to wanna marry, then fucking tell me that so I can move on to someone who genuinely wants me! Thank god he's been my ex for 5.5yrs now lol!
My ex (luckily only bf, no legal tie) told me he never wanted to move in with, get engaged, or married to me. But it was expected that he'd marry his high school sweetheart and do all those things. Looking back, it explains the cheating (and I'm sure there was more cheating than I knew about) and a lot of other things. But man did his words fuck with my ability to trust romantic partners. I'm glad he's your ex now!
I'm sorry you went through that. As someone who also has issues trusting romantic partners, but for slightly different reasons, I hope that you can get some of that trust back. I know what it's like, and I know how much it hurts.
Luckily, I'm with a great partner who is patient and extremely supportive. Every once in a while, the little intrusive thoughts creep up, but I'm in therapy and working on it.
I hope you're able to gain some of your trust back too.
That's awesome to hear. I definitely get it with the intrusive thoughts, I get those so much. Therapy would definitely help me as well, so I hear you.
It's... complicated for my trust specifically. I already had trust issues before because of something that happened that really messed me up in general. But then having unsuccessful, non-platonic relationships just made it worse. I won't go into detail because I don't want to make this about me, but yeah. It's gonna take a while.
Still though, I am actually quite happy that you have a patient and supportive partner. Kinda gives me a little hope that my little, broken self might actually be good enough for someone eventually.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a good support system and your healing. Always feel free to reach out if you need to vent. Keep up the hope that good people are out there and.
Damn I'm so sorry...
I really don't understand why they marry for guaranteed sex...
I mean ffs if you care about that can satisfy yourself perfectly fine by just touching yourself!
Love however always require another person, and that person needs to actually love you. You can't buy it.
Exactly!! I say that exact thing all the time!! You have hands, use em! Clearly they wanna fuck but dont want to do the work of being actually in a relationship with someone. They want the fun bits with out the work to maintain a loving relationship and its awful. I dont get it either why to some guys thats a better option, why theyd rather just marry with out love for the physical. I'm demi so I can't do the physical unless I develope an emotional connection, so my ex was really stupid to pick me for that!🤦♀️🤣 I am also bi, so at this point I am more than happy to just date the ladies cause thus far men have failed to impress me at all.
Its so awful california had to add that into law, it shouldn't be sucha common thing that it needs that. Its scary how many men think thos about marriage and how many dont understand what constitutes rape and sexual assult even. There needs to be a class to educate men while in highschool so they understand these things.
Don't forget all the domestic labour too! They get a cleaner house, cooked food, no longer having to think about family events or gifts, etc. Men who marry women gain literal hours per week of free time, while women who marry men lose free time.
This right here. Men get all these benefits AND sex out of the deal. Actually liking the other person as a person isn’t necessary at all. She just has to conventionally attractive enough that his buddies don’t try to talk him out of it. (His bros are the ones whose opinion he actually cares about. Straight dudes are very homosocial and only like and esteem other men.)
Then when kids come along, and much of her time and energy (but very little of his) is devoted to herding gremlins…. Add in the toll that pregnancy, sleep deprivation, and stress can take on a person’s looks…. You end up right in the meme that OP posted.
This right here. Men get all these benefits AND sex out of the deal. Actually liking the other person as a person isn’t necessary.
Then when kids come along, and much of her time and energy (but very little of his) is devoted to herding gremlins…. Add in the toll that pregnancy, sleep deprivation, and stress can take on a person’s looks….
If the man also wanted the kid that’s the time he should step up extra to help parent so the wife can recover from pregnancy and the next few years be a big part of gremlin herding at least and that way the second paragraph never comes to pass.
a lot of straight people think marrying before 30 is one of their early retirement plans and rush into marriages. then years later realize there was never any authentic love in that relationship to begin with.
Genuinely yeah, like that's even something that you see in movies which I never understood: Straight men meeting a woman who they find extremely conventionally attractive and so they just marry them on the spot. Like, what?? What's the point of that??
I thought that's what friends with benefits are supposed to be for??
Granted I know nothing about all that bc I'm gay and I'm engaged to my very very first romantic / sexual encounter 😅 (And I'm his too c:) (That said, we waited until it was extremely clear to us that we love each other so much that we couldn't ever live without the other!! 😁)
Fr this is so true, I grew up surrounded by the pop culture of "Bollywood" (in India) and 99.9% of romance-dramedies from the early 80s to late 2010s were centred around how the male protagonist walks into a room and sees the female protagonist in slow motion and that is the entirety of their love story.
The rest of the plot revolves around how the outside forces (peer pressure, social conventions, religion or the Patriarch Father Of the Girl) turn into obstacles that stop them from getting married to the person they met 3 days ago.
They really are obsessed with getting married early. Even my mother got married at 22 and said it was too young, so she never insisted upon it for me even though the whole community was on their case about it. I turned 28 and uh oh you've been left on the shelf. No arranged married for me. Got married at 32.
It doesn’t even have to be attraction. The social pressure to couple up is real.
I remember being pushed towards someone I didn’t even really get along with for months because “you two would look so good together! Give it a shot!” We ended up “dating” for a month before both deciding we couldn’t keep faking attraction just to appease some busybodies we were both friends with who thought they were saving us from lives of loneliness.
I grew up hearing these super lackluster stories about my parents’ relationship, and one day I point-blank asked my mom why she married my dad. “I don’t know, I just thought that was what I was supposed to do.”
"Friendship is when you can say whatever you feel like saying and other person says whatever they want to say back to you. Acquaintances have to watch what they say for the entire duration of the relationship. Most people marry acquaintances."
(Note that "feeling" like saying mean things is not friendly - saying *mean* things is enmity)
Yeah....
I've said it once and I'll say it again until the situation improves, imposing religion onto children should be illegal.
It genuinely only leads to hate, self hate and hate towards others, as well as depression, wasted years, tension, division,...
Abrahamic religions are a plague.
WTF???
I mean in this case if you REALLY want to there's sperm banks! Imo it's wayyy better to use those and raise a child alone but well than to punish them by setting yourself up for a very very unhappy and likely abusive marriage...
There's also just the fact that having kids is expensive. So, if you CAN do it with someone else, it's better financially. Still shouldn't have kids with a bad person though.
Ohh yeah you're right .. that's really sad...
Ngl maybe it's because I'm gay I genuinely don't know but I never understood the need / want for children. I've got my fiancé and 2 kitties and I'm the happiest man on earth... I don't see no reason why a straight couple couldn't be comfortable in this too
My cousin really wanted to have kids. She loves kids so much. Got married to a man who loves kids and wanted kids. But they tried so many times and she couldn't have them. He got more and more angry with her. They are not together any more thank goodness.
Well because you have a shred of self-esteem. These man are just going with the flow because someone gave them a bit of attention so they committed to the first person regardless of their love towards that person.
That makes me genuinely sad...
I'm so glad I waited until now at the relatively old age of 23 to enter my first ever relationship, because now we both are obsessed with one another and are beginning the process to get married :3
Yeah it’s pretty sad to settle for a life that you probably want but not with that specific person or just because of societal pressure. I don’t think it’s necessarily age related or that these people are committing too young but more related with, again, family and society pressure to follow the classic heteronormative life script of growing up, find someone and reproduce with little to no thought of what you actually want and no thought of what you’re life is going to be down the line, and ultimately some people are just afraid of being alone or are experiencing FOMO when everyone around them is doing just the same and in their minds they are falling behind.
Oh yeah I might've not made myself really clear sorry 😅
What I mean is that during my entire teenage years and early adulthood I yearned for a relationship, and I'm proud of is that I didn't let this yearning make me do poor choices like chasing anyone giving me a bit of attention, become a dating app gremlin, these kinda stuff :/
The first is they get together, they get along just fine, and as the years pass by, it seems silly to break up "for no reason." They don't want to throw away a years-long relationship just because they aren't in love either. Besides, their family and friends would be so disappointed if they broke up after 7 years, right?
These couples have decided that, as long as it works on paper, it's enough. As long as they are nice to each other most days, save for some harmless bickering, it's enough. They want their partner to leave them alone more often than not, yes, but they've been told that's normal, and it's enough.
This one tends to breed resentment over time, and at best, they might divorce after the kids have moved out and they're left only with each other.
The second reason is that there are people who want kids so badly that they'll marry anyone. It doesn't matter if they're in love. Sure, they could have kids alone, but that's harder, and they want to project an image of the traditional family.
My stepbrother and his wife pulled this move. They have never liked each other much. They checked each other's boxes though, and they both wanted kids very badly, so they went for it.
One of my mom's friends had 7 kids. My mom told me they got divorced a a little over a year ago. Husband said he'd never loved her. She was completely blindsided by that news and wasn't quite sure how to handle it because she did love him and thought they had a solid relationship because they did the date nights, they had the quiet moments of joy in doing the most mundane things together, they offered support to one another. I don't get it and it's scary to think some people are like that.
It’s usually someone clinging to a false hope their partner will change and revert to the honeymoon stage persona. They can’t accept that won’t happen, or that they don’t really love them.
“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”
And before you grab your tiki torch, sure #notallmen. But sadly more than you would think.
Intimate partner abuse and domestic violence often starts or escalates during pregnancy as the woman is less likely to leave as she feels trapped. Maybe the OOP is posting this for the clicks or is shitposting, but it doesn't diminish the fact that this is a lived reality for many women and usually starts with emotional abuse.
and straight men wonder why women are not getting married or having kids anymore as much as before. women now have the financial ability to sustain themselves unlike before and no longer need to rely on men for survival. they are terribly failing at being desirable partners.
Sounds like my ex husband. I found out he was secretly down low and fucking men during my pregnancy and now he said we were never friends and he never liked me. Like great for waiting 14 fucking years and 2 kids to let me know
I faired off better than most, I have sole custody and get $2200/mo. I remember when I was first filing ppl on Reddit said I had zero chance at sole custody and one even said they’d give him custody for parent alienation which had me stressed for awhile but it went as I hoped. He has supervised visits only and already has acted completely psycho on them that I’m glad the court saw his true colors and not his narcissistic charm
One of my most firmly held beliefs is that a large portion of personal problems people have come from dating a partner and having children because they feel like they are supposed to, rather than out of genuine desire for a family or fondness for their partner.
ooooff that sucks, im sorry. as hard as it is coparenting one kid, have you thought about terminating? coparenting 2, 1 being a newborn i cant even imagine
Controversial statement but.....the fact Heterosexuals have decided they have to be like this to differentiate themselves from "the gays.tm" is their karmic punishment for the way they treat the LGBTQIA community, and the second they stop hating us is the day they can finally enjoy their lives even slightly
My sister was walking her dogs with her 2 primary school kids and her husband said in earshot of the kids "I fucking hate you" that same weekend he told her that if they broke up, he would disinherit the kids (he is in the rich person tax bracket for wages) she's still with him.. it's horrendous
i recently heard a heartbreaking vlog by this woman expressing how she hadn't realized until it was too late that the basis of how attractive or desirable her husband judges her to be would determine whether or not her children will get to eat food.
Male loneliness epidemic, huh? Well. You know what, MAYBE men are not lonely ENOUGH yet, ACTUALLY. Only after they learn to fundamentally respect and appreciate other human beings should they be allowed to have companionship. Otherwise, their disgusting barbaric inhumanity does not belong in the gene pool NOR in the behavioral firmware repository and they can STAY alone. Forget beta, forget alpha, their software is never getting published. Vaporware, vapor MEN.
Never forget that. They do NOT love us as people. Only as objects.
My husband loves me for me. He is my best friend. We talk, have common interests, support each other unconditionally, and he has found me attractive and beautiful through 15 years, 2 kids, and huge weight fluctuations.
Men like my husband are very rare. But don’t settle until you find one. You’re better off alone than with someone who hates you.
do you really think situations like this don’t happen in real life? the amount of women in my family that are married to men that hate them and act like literal children is ridiculous
I don't think they're saying it doesn't happen, it's definitely more common than it should be. I feel like saying saying it's average is a bit of a stretch though. It's admittedly anecdotal, but most heterosexual couples I know don't seem to hate each other.
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Is pregnant with (planned) second child
Husband: "Your body better bounce back this time."
(I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've heard from the men in my life that they're disappointed that their wife's body changed after pregnancy/birth. They complain about stretch marks, scars and soft tummies, as if those aren't all signs that their wives brought a whole ass child into the world for them.)
Well, husband, I hope you never age, get a wrinkle, have your metabolism slow, lose your hair, go grey, your balls don’t drag down or anything. Oh what’s that? All of that is natural? Oh I see. Well if you wanted something that had a body that would never change can I interest you in a sex doll? When you’re able to treat women like natural living humans we can talk about if you’re mature enough for a wife. Until then, here’s. Whatever these things are made of. tosses a sex doll at him
"But but men age like fine wine and their fertility isn't affected by ageing we just get better"
The cope from redpillers is absolutely unhinged from reality a lot of the time. I recently had one try to tell me that the very slight dip in fertility between 20 and 30, which isn't really relevant as most people will still conceive normally much the same at those ages, is a huge deal and totally why everyone should marry or date 20 year olds. Whilst ignoring the sources I posted about how much paternal age, smoking, weed, alcohol etc can influence miscarriage and infertility. They love the idea that women get used up by some ridiculously early age whilst men are apparently immortal. It's like, sure. I'm a doctor who went through infertility and IVF but I'm sure your lived experience at "assholes make shit up" podcast trumps that. Lol.
Like, if you're obsessing over slight changes that don't matter in practice, you'd better get your own house in order - live in the gym, cut all alcohol and drugs including smoking, avoid testosterone therapy, have a very healthy diet...because those things impact male fertility far more than a woman being 30 impacts hers.
These people are beyond help. We all age. Male fertility goes down as well as they age as I understand.
I’m glad I’m in my 30’s and “used up” by their standards. Oh I’m a useless husk of a woman? I won’t have your sexist ass harassing me? Oh no! How tragic! I’ll cry over this and think about what I’ve done- if you could give me that in a legally binding contract that would phenomenal.
Like, life is so much more than just teens and early twenties. I think about all the life they’re refusing exists. What do they think we’re doing 25-end of life in a world we’re people live to 100+?
You can’t cure that level of sexism. My condolences to the women in their lives that have to deal with them.
They brought a whole ass child into the world for them AND risked their life in the process.
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I saw an AITA where a woman bought bigger shoes postpartum and her husband got rid of them cause “her feet will go back to the size they were if she loses the baby weight, buying bigger shoes means she’s given up”
I wish this were true! I ended up thinner for a while after having my second child due to an eating disorder and that half size I gained stuck around. Seriously annoying. Lost a lot of cute shoes I still miss 18 years later.
Like 99% of those aita stories are fake if it makes you feel any better
Yeah, I know, but I do absolutely know people who would pull shit like that irl
Can you link me there? I want to see this guy get torn apart in the comments.
At ultrasound appointment: “This is so expensive. We aren’t coming back.”
God forbid he see this as proof that the US’s D-grade medical care system needs to be fixed.
Y'all pay for ultrasounds?
We pay for everything.
That is so utterly dystopian.
🇺🇸
We have a new coworker (male) that recently had a 4th child, and they’re all under 5. We had an out of work event and his wife came along with their kids. We asked how she and new baby were doing, and she said she was having a hard time getting the baby to latch. Her husband butted in and was like “she complains every single time about this you’d think she’d have figured it out by now” and he was 100% not joking around with her. She looked so hurt and embarrassed.
That's horrible. A baby not latching can be extremely distressing. I can't even imagine how anxious that's making her feel, not to mention her so called "husband" making the whole situation ten times worse. I genuinely hope she's getting support elsewhere.
Four children under five is wild. One kid is born and she’s pregnant again in a short time? Can’t imagine the poor lady has any time or energy…
The absolute nerve of her husband to publicly shame her for struggling with something very common (and vulnerable!) when he put her in this situation. Maybe stay off of her for five seconds and help her instead, man!
I really don't understand why women continue to breed with these clueless douche canoes.
My dad was always making not very subtle jabs at my mom for failing to continue to look like she did when they were dating. The fact that she'd had 8 pregnancies and 7 live births never once crossed his mind.
It crossed his mind, and he knew it was impossible to look the same after 7 births. (Men aren’t idiots.) He knowingly made impossible demands and cruel jokes to bring her down a peg
This was very true, but not the entire story. I remember when he mocked her for failing to trust him.
Then they ask the doctor for the “husband stitch”. Fucking sick.
The only husband stitch I like:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/stitch-and-angel--31877109856572513/
This is exactly what I was hoping for lol
I grew up in the church. I was good friends with the girls of this one family who's mom birthed 13 kids. The dad was always on her case about losing weight and refused to wear condoms. She begged him to get a vasectomy and it took him years to agree. The straights were never okay.
If anything my wife got hotter after the pregnancy. She gave life - that is sexy as fuck.
Also, why do I think the guys making those comments don't look like they locker when they were younger either...
Who tf doesn't like a soft tummy? Women are wasted on them.
I have to say, soft tummies are cute as hell x
Artists over several centuries agree (as does my husband).
I love art that features different body types in women x
Men seem to constantly be mad when their wife gets hotter
And said men are usually the ones with a beer belly, always greasy hair and stinky feet. Because he is juat right as it is.
It might be because a huge percentage of women are able to do so. I mean to go back to their previous shape/looks.
For herself too
Child birth isn't solely about the father
Doing a thing for yourself is completely different though. I don’t get why some people are so confused about this.
I wanted a child, and I was able to make one. My husband wanted one but he was not able to make one. In order to become a parent, he needed someone else to grow and birth a child. I did that for him. I also did it for me, but I could have had a baby on my own with nothing but a sperm donation and I’d still be a mother.
White men* Edit: Those who identify as White American. Cuz Hollywood propaganda.
I heard haitian men love pregnant women. And mommy bodies.
Haitian men, Polish men, Dominican men.... ect ect
In what world are Polish men not white men?
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I'm aware, but Northern Slavic people generally have white skin.
Some people would rather have their children grow up thinking it's normal that couples hate each other, than growing up with a single parent. Later they can't understand why their kids date awful people
I was going to say imagine this from a child’s perspective. They pick up on a lot.
Or don’t talk to their parents anymore
I feel like it is more complicated than that. Kids pick up on a lot thats for sure. However relationships are tough by itself, then throw a kid in there, financials and etc.
I dont think its as simple as "hey I know im in a bad relationship but im gonna raise this child with someone I hate and hope for the best"
I think there are some people that just really try to keep the relationship alive while raising a kid. There is so much time that passes from marriage, careers, having a kid and raising a kid. To expect that everyone stays the same is ridiculous. People change alot and both of the couple have to adapt and pivot to make it work. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. But it's not for lack of effort in some cases.
I really don't understand why you would get in a relationship let alone have kids with someone you don't love????
'B- but I thought that's what men were SUPPOSED to do!!'
No literally I do think a lot of straight people are in relationships with people they just found superficially attractive because "that's what you're supposed to do" and there's no actual love between them. Because the relationship is built on physical attraction and miming out social norms not an organic connection between two people
I may be being silly but I do unironically agree whole heartedly
I think a lot of straight guys just married a willing woman who is not completely repulsive to them because if you don’t get married by 30 you are a failure or something.
Some also think its gonna be garanteed pussy til they die if they marry the woman. Too bad for them it doesnt work that way! My ex happens to be someone who never really wanted to get married when we did. A few years into our marriage he actually told me that he hadn't wanted to get married! I was like then why the fuck did you do it? His answer: cause its what you wanted.🤦♀️🤦♀️ like dude if your not in love enough to wanna marry, then fucking tell me that so I can move on to someone who genuinely wants me! Thank god he's been my ex for 5.5yrs now lol!
My ex (luckily only bf, no legal tie) told me he never wanted to move in with, get engaged, or married to me. But it was expected that he'd marry his high school sweetheart and do all those things. Looking back, it explains the cheating (and I'm sure there was more cheating than I knew about) and a lot of other things. But man did his words fuck with my ability to trust romantic partners. I'm glad he's your ex now!
I'm sorry you went through that. As someone who also has issues trusting romantic partners, but for slightly different reasons, I hope that you can get some of that trust back. I know what it's like, and I know how much it hurts.
Luckily, I'm with a great partner who is patient and extremely supportive. Every once in a while, the little intrusive thoughts creep up, but I'm in therapy and working on it.
I hope you're able to gain some of your trust back too.
That's awesome to hear. I definitely get it with the intrusive thoughts, I get those so much. Therapy would definitely help me as well, so I hear you.
It's... complicated for my trust specifically. I already had trust issues before because of something that happened that really messed me up in general. But then having unsuccessful, non-platonic relationships just made it worse. I won't go into detail because I don't want to make this about me, but yeah. It's gonna take a while.
Still though, I am actually quite happy that you have a patient and supportive partner. Kinda gives me a little hope that my little, broken self might actually be good enough for someone eventually.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a good support system and your healing. Always feel free to reach out if you need to vent. Keep up the hope that good people are out there and.
Damn I'm so sorry... I really don't understand why they marry for guaranteed sex... I mean ffs if you care about that can satisfy yourself perfectly fine by just touching yourself! Love however always require another person, and that person needs to actually love you. You can't buy it.
Exactly!! I say that exact thing all the time!! You have hands, use em! Clearly they wanna fuck but dont want to do the work of being actually in a relationship with someone. They want the fun bits with out the work to maintain a loving relationship and its awful. I dont get it either why to some guys thats a better option, why theyd rather just marry with out love for the physical. I'm demi so I can't do the physical unless I develope an emotional connection, so my ex was really stupid to pick me for that!🤦♀️🤣 I am also bi, so at this point I am more than happy to just date the ladies cause thus far men have failed to impress me at all.
California just amended its rape laws to include language that "marriage does not mean consent to have sex in perpetuity."
Because lots of men still think this. And express it all across reddit.
Its so awful california had to add that into law, it shouldn't be sucha common thing that it needs that. Its scary how many men think thos about marriage and how many dont understand what constitutes rape and sexual assult even. There needs to be a class to educate men while in highschool so they understand these things.
Don't forget all the domestic labour too! They get a cleaner house, cooked food, no longer having to think about family events or gifts, etc. Men who marry women gain literal hours per week of free time, while women who marry men lose free time.
This right here. Men get all these benefits AND sex out of the deal. Actually liking the other person as a person isn’t necessary at all. She just has to conventionally attractive enough that his buddies don’t try to talk him out of it. (His bros are the ones whose opinion he actually cares about. Straight dudes are very homosocial and only like and esteem other men.)
Then when kids come along, and much of her time and energy (but very little of his) is devoted to herding gremlins…. Add in the toll that pregnancy, sleep deprivation, and stress can take on a person’s looks…. You end up right in the meme that OP posted.
This right here. Men get all these benefits AND sex out of the deal. Actually liking the other person as a person isn’t necessary.
Then when kids come along, and much of her time and energy (but very little of his) is devoted to herding gremlins…. Add in the toll that pregnancy, sleep deprivation, and stress can take on a person’s looks….
If the man also wanted the kid that’s the time he should step up extra to help parent so the wife can recover from pregnancy and the next few years be a big part of gremlin herding at least and that way the second paragraph never comes to pass.
a lot of straight people think marrying before 30 is one of their early retirement plans and rush into marriages. then years later realize there was never any authentic love in that relationship to begin with.
Genuinely yeah, like that's even something that you see in movies which I never understood: Straight men meeting a woman who they find extremely conventionally attractive and so they just marry them on the spot. Like, what?? What's the point of that??
I thought that's what friends with benefits are supposed to be for??
Granted I know nothing about all that bc I'm gay and I'm engaged to my very very first romantic / sexual encounter 😅 (And I'm his too c:) (That said, we waited until it was extremely clear to us that we love each other so much that we couldn't ever live without the other!! 😁)
Fr this is so true, I grew up surrounded by the pop culture of "Bollywood" (in India) and 99.9% of romance-dramedies from the early 80s to late 2010s were centred around how the male protagonist walks into a room and sees the female protagonist in slow motion and that is the entirety of their love story.
The rest of the plot revolves around how the outside forces (peer pressure, social conventions, religion or the Patriarch Father Of the Girl) turn into obstacles that stop them from getting married to the person they met 3 days ago.
Yeah that's crazy.... And here I am thinking we were being rushy because we started talking about getting married after 5 months ( ；∀；)
lol I almost got married after 3 months once.
They really are obsessed with getting married early. Even my mother got married at 22 and said it was too young, so she never insisted upon it for me even though the whole community was on their case about it. I turned 28 and uh oh you've been left on the shelf. No arranged married for me. Got married at 32.
I am so glad I was best friends with my wife for eight years before we eloped. (I don't claim to be "average".)
I do see couples that only seem to get together because they are both hot.
It doesn’t even have to be attraction. The social pressure to couple up is real.
I remember being pushed towards someone I didn’t even really get along with for months because “you two would look so good together! Give it a shot!” We ended up “dating” for a month before both deciding we couldn’t keep faking attraction just to appease some busybodies we were both friends with who thought they were saving us from lives of loneliness.
This is what i think too.
I grew up hearing these super lackluster stories about my parents’ relationship, and one day I point-blank asked my mom why she married my dad. “I don’t know, I just thought that was what I was supposed to do.”
I’ve met many cases like that
John D. McDonald said:
"Friendship is when you can say whatever you feel like saying and other person says whatever they want to say back to you. Acquaintances have to watch what they say for the entire duration of the relationship. Most people marry acquaintances."
(Note that "feeling" like saying mean things is not friendly - saying *mean* things is enmity)
They never seem to have shared interests or like each others friends it’s bizarre
That just sounds like some types of autism.
'But how will they respect muh fragile masculinity if I don't do the same terrible choices as my awful dad??!"
Women are often pushed as the solution to men being gay, especially in religious communities info
Yeah.... I've said it once and I'll say it again until the situation improves, imposing religion onto children should be illegal. It genuinely only leads to hate, self hate and hate towards others, as well as depression, wasted years, tension, division,... Abrahamic religions are a plague.
I know a woman who once told me that she wanted to have children so badly that, "I would have married someone I hated just to have my kids."
Sister, that is not healthy for anyone. WTF
WTF??? I mean in this case if you REALLY want to there's sperm banks! Imo it's wayyy better to use those and raise a child alone but well than to punish them by setting yourself up for a very very unhappy and likely abusive marriage...
usually "really wanting to have kids" is coupled with "wanting a traditional family" so people like this never consider alternatives
There's also just the fact that having kids is expensive. So, if you CAN do it with someone else, it's better financially. Still shouldn't have kids with a bad person though.
Ohh yeah you're right .. that's really sad... Ngl maybe it's because I'm gay I genuinely don't know but I never understood the need / want for children. I've got my fiancé and 2 kitties and I'm the happiest man on earth... I don't see no reason why a straight couple couldn't be comfortable in this too
My cousin really wanted to have kids. She loves kids so much. Got married to a man who loves kids and wanted kids. But they tried so many times and she couldn't have them. He got more and more angry with her. They are not together any more thank goodness.
Well because you have a shred of self-esteem. These man are just going with the flow because someone gave them a bit of attention so they committed to the first person regardless of their love towards that person.
That makes me genuinely sad... I'm so glad I waited until now at the relatively old age of 23 to enter my first ever relationship, because now we both are obsessed with one another and are beginning the process to get married :3
That’s amazing, congrats!! I wish you the best!
Yeah it’s pretty sad to settle for a life that you probably want but not with that specific person or just because of societal pressure. I don’t think it’s necessarily age related or that these people are committing too young but more related with, again, family and society pressure to follow the classic heteronormative life script of growing up, find someone and reproduce with little to no thought of what you actually want and no thought of what you’re life is going to be down the line, and ultimately some people are just afraid of being alone or are experiencing FOMO when everyone around them is doing just the same and in their minds they are falling behind.
Oh yeah I might've not made myself really clear sorry 😅 What I mean is that during my entire teenage years and early adulthood I yearned for a relationship, and I'm proud of is that I didn't let this yearning make me do poor choices like chasing anyone giving me a bit of attention, become a dating app gremlin, these kinda stuff :/
I know multiple men and women who are not that into their spouses, but they think that's normal.
I'd actually be very curious to learn their reasoning bc that's so obviously wrong and harmful to everyone imo
I know why, and it's usually one of two reasons.
The first is they get together, they get along just fine, and as the years pass by, it seems silly to break up "for no reason." They don't want to throw away a years-long relationship just because they aren't in love either. Besides, their family and friends would be so disappointed if they broke up after 7 years, right?
These couples have decided that, as long as it works on paper, it's enough. As long as they are nice to each other most days, save for some harmless bickering, it's enough. They want their partner to leave them alone more often than not, yes, but they've been told that's normal, and it's enough.
This one tends to breed resentment over time, and at best, they might divorce after the kids have moved out and they're left only with each other.
The second reason is that there are people who want kids so badly that they'll marry anyone. It doesn't matter if they're in love. Sure, they could have kids alone, but that's harder, and they want to project an image of the traditional family.
My stepbrother and his wife pulled this move. They have never liked each other much. They checked each other's boxes though, and they both wanted kids very badly, so they went for it.
One of my mom's friends had 7 kids. My mom told me they got divorced a a little over a year ago. Husband said he'd never loved her. She was completely blindsided by that news and wasn't quite sure how to handle it because she did love him and thought they had a solid relationship because they did the date nights, they had the quiet moments of joy in doing the most mundane things together, they offered support to one another. I don't get it and it's scary to think some people are like that.
God or some shit
Sadly true yeah...
lack of self awareness, own opinion, critical thinking, and a brain
It’s usually someone clinging to a false hope their partner will change and revert to the honeymoon stage persona. They can’t accept that won’t happen, or that they don’t really love them.
Say the line Marilyn:
“To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”
And before you grab your tiki torch, sure #notallmen. But sadly more than you would think.
Not all men, but enough men for it to be a problem
Ah, so it's more sexism then?
Intimate partner abuse and domestic violence often starts or escalates during pregnancy as the woman is less likely to leave as she feels trapped. Maybe the OOP is posting this for the clicks or is shitposting, but it doesn't diminish the fact that this is a lived reality for many women and usually starts with emotional abuse.
Average male comedian: "I hate my wife!!!"
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So fucking reallll
and straight men wonder why women are not getting married or having kids anymore as much as before. women now have the financial ability to sustain themselves unlike before and no longer need to rely on men for survival. they are terribly failing at being desirable partners.
Sounds like my ex husband. I found out he was secretly down low and fucking men during my pregnancy and now he said we were never friends and he never liked me. Like great for waiting 14 fucking years and 2 kids to let me know
Nooo are you okay?
I faired off better than most, I have sole custody and get $2200/mo. I remember when I was first filing ppl on Reddit said I had zero chance at sole custody and one even said they’d give him custody for parent alienation which had me stressed for awhile but it went as I hoped. He has supervised visits only and already has acted completely psycho on them that I’m glad the court saw his true colors and not his narcissistic charm
May god send him his evilest twink
Good
One of my most firmly held beliefs is that a large portion of personal problems people have come from dating a partner and having children because they feel like they are supposed to, rather than out of genuine desire for a family or fondness for their partner.
People follow the life script without contemplating if they’ll enjoy the results.
If you don’t ever think about what you want in life you will end up miserable.
My parents found out a bit too late they just wanted 13 dogs not 2 kids lol
Half of the threads on AITAH are similar to this. Or at least a round about story that comes back to this.
It's almost 2026 and we still have no answer to why someone would get married to and have children with someone they do not like at all
Abort!
The husband, right?
R u serious ? You can’t abort someone that’s already born.
Buddy, it’s a joke. Chill.
Lmao
Like, WTF???
ooooff that sucks, im sorry. as hard as it is coparenting one kid, have you thought about terminating? coparenting 2, 1 being a newborn i cant even imagine
I'm pretty sure it isn't the pictured chick
Edit: I'm saying op is not pictured
Its a meme 99%
I think I have seen this woman on Instagram and it’s unfortunately her truth
Having a child together won’t fix your relationship problems?
/s
Why not divorce then?
OP your username had me laughing so bad I nearly woke my family lmao
And they call us the freaks
Interesting username i must say
I'd abort that thang tbh. If he can't find a way to like his life partner, how would I trust him to love his child unconditionally?
Controversial statement but.....the fact Heterosexuals have decided they have to be like this to differentiate themselves from "the gays.tm" is their karmic punishment for the way they treat the LGBTQIA community, and the second they stop hating us is the day they can finally enjoy their lives even slightly
holy shit im never getting married
My sister was walking her dogs with her 2 primary school kids and her husband said in earshot of the kids "I fucking hate you" that same weekend he told her that if they broke up, he would disinherit the kids (he is in the rich person tax bracket for wages) she's still with him.. it's horrendous
i recently heard a heartbreaking vlog by this woman expressing how she hadn't realized until it was too late that the basis of how attractive or desirable her husband judges her to be would determine whether or not her children will get to eat food.
Male loneliness epidemic, huh? Well. You know what, MAYBE men are not lonely ENOUGH yet, ACTUALLY. Only after they learn to fundamentally respect and appreciate other human beings should they be allowed to have companionship. Otherwise, their disgusting barbaric inhumanity does not belong in the gene pool NOR in the behavioral firmware repository and they can STAY alone. Forget beta, forget alpha, their software is never getting published. Vaporware, vapor MEN.
So so many men hate women.
Never forget that. They do NOT love us as people. Only as objects.
My husband loves me for me. He is my best friend. We talk, have common interests, support each other unconditionally, and he has found me attractive and beautiful through 15 years, 2 kids, and huge weight fluctuations.
Men like my husband are very rare. But don’t settle until you find one. You’re better off alone than with someone who hates you.
So is this an actual instance of such a situation or are we just meme dunking at straight folks now?
do you really think situations like this don’t happen in real life? the amount of women in my family that are married to men that hate them and act like literal children is ridiculous
I don't think they're saying it doesn't happen, it's definitely more common than it should be. I feel like saying saying it's average is a bit of a stretch though. It's admittedly anecdotal, but most heterosexual couples I know don't seem to hate each other.
Pretty sure it's the second, this sub really has gone to shit lol
Live husband reaction to the pregnancy
W husband