Ok, so my partner (36F) and I (36M) have been married for 11 years....our biggest fight has been because of Subtitles on Netflix, I want it, she does not....
My reasoning, I follow the story so much better when it is on, her reasoning...it is distracting. I said that when I decide on something we need to have it on, but it does create some friction still. AITA?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m impressed she can hear what they’re saying. I watch everything with subtitles since sound mixing has gotten so bad.
I forgot to add a judgment. NAH.
Agreed. Back in "the day" I used to be anti-subtitles (mainly watching cable when the subtitles were in the huge black box, took up half the screen, week 2 seconds delayed and incorrect lol) but for the last 10 or so years I've required subtitles to watch, otherwise you have to baby the volume and adjust it every 2.5 seconds.
I was thinking about this the other day. Like I can't hear without subtitles now, but back in the day they were so annoying and I didn't understand what changed. I forgot TVs were small and subtitles had that annoying black box.
The issue is now everything is recorded in dolby sound 5.1 at least 7.2 in some cases. unless you have a very good Soundbar or stereo system witha good center speaker you can't hear shit with speakers anymore.
Or you get someone who doesn't understand audio mixing (glares at Christopher Nolan).
I watched Tenet at a friend's house, big-time audiophile with a cutting-edge home theater setup, guy's been building them since the 80s, knows his stuff inside out.
20 minutes into the movie, he was like "Let's turn on the subtitles, I can't understand anything they're saying. " 😁
It's also because Nolan doesn't know lighting (glares in Batman). I can't see or hear them talk.
That's wild, I had no idea. We have great speakers for music, but they aren't attached to the TV.
Sounds like you've now got a little project for the Christmas break
You can change the sound setting in Netflix by starting a show, pushing down arrow, and selecting the more option, I think. It's somewhere in there.
Might help with proper mixing of voices. I can't find an overall setting to apply to all?
I can't hear them talking over the background noise/soundtrack in movie theatres either, and I assume those have appropriate sound systems.
"Back in the day" the problem was also less egregious. It wasn't until the last 20-30 years that every director decided they wanted "realism" in the sense that they wanted dialog to sound the same as it would if you were really there. As in, shit's exploding everywhere, you're barely going to be able to hear the person next to you, and they feel that layering the dialog on top of that and boosting it to be loud enough to hear clearly breaks immersion. It's less of an issue with a surround sound system, which is why you can hear it clearly in theaters but not at home on your mediocre sound system or worse, TV/device speaker.
I posted a comment elsewhere with some suggestions on how you can tweak settings on your devices and streaming services to offset this and help boost the dialog without investing a bunch of money in better quality sound systems, but ultimately a surround sound setup or high quality soundbar with some rear speakers and a woofer will go a LONG way towards helping address the issue.
I like subtitles unless the program is live (too much of a delay) or comedic (it ruins the punch lines by showing the entire sentence. I absolutely need subtitles if the characters have strong accents or talk very quickly.
I don't have the issue with accents, but definitely the rest of this. And we've had discussions about subtitles to the point that now, if I pick we have them on and if he did, they are off. It's mostly working, lol.
Right?! My boyfriend and I need subtitles cause whenever any talking happens, it’s sooo quiet and hard to hear, then you turn the volume up only for the scene to switch to a really loud action scene with explosions and gunfire or even just music that wakes up the whole damn neighborhood!
Don’t forget having to turn up the volume for the program only to turn I’d down for the commercials . . . Up . . . Down . . . Up . . . Down. Aggravating as hell!
"pspstjoldifouOLIVEGARDEN!!!"
This is why I can't watch network tv anymore.
This literally made me burst out laughing. I'm in the exact same boat, but you described it PERFECTLY.
idk if this will be helpful knowledge / apply to all states, but California just passed a law that requires streaming services to ensure that the volume of ads is not drastically different from the volume of the media they accompany, slated to go into effect in 2026. It previously only applied to network TV and has now been extended to include streaming.
I just mute the commercials
Exactly! You have to always have the remote in your hand ready to change the volume!
I have severe hearing loss and I always thought this was an issue with my hearing or my hearing aids, so it’s very validating that you also experience the ridiculous volume jump between quiet and loud scenes! Thank you 🙏
I have never heard a real explosion. I have no point of reference. So why do directors think I require realistic explosions at top volume? It does not enhance my viewing experience. You know what does enhance my viewing experience? Being able to decipher the dialog.
It’s even crazier when I go to the movies and in a quiet moment on the film I’m watching, I can hear (and feel) a massive explosion vibrating from the theater next door. Movies should never be that loud.
Especially Netflix. I don’t think I’ve seen anything on there that hasn’t looked or sounded like total garbage. Including movies from established directors.
Listen, I know a lot of this is streaming vs live theatrical and in the inherent tech. losses through compression, etc etc. But, people can’t shoot, edit or sound mix for shit now. AI ain’t gonna make it better.
Netflix is the worst. They seem to love to put "music" in the soundtracks that is more like odd futuristic weird noises than actual music. And the sound effects are simply too loud and clear when the dialog is so mumbly subtitles are necessary.
That along with unfamiliar accents.
Peaky Blinders made this clear
I could not understand Peaky Blinders without subtitles. I could understand them with effort, but then I was so focused on trying to hear what they were saying that I wasn’t able to actually process the story.
It was Derry Girls for me
Yup me too. That show is so funny but I’d have been lost without subtitles.
This was what got me into subtitles. Now I can't do without.
Netflix audio settings defaults to 5.1 mix, which most people dont have the mulriple speakers set up for.
If you just have the standard 2 speakers (like TV speakers or a sound bar), change the audio setting to stereo. You'll hear the dialogue much better as that's what it was mixed for.
I have an Onkyo amp and a very decent 5.1 set of KEF speakers and trust me, it's no better with a decent set up. If people who get a good set up and calibrate it are struggling then God knows who the mixing by Netflix is aimed at.
Thank you for this tip!!!
As a non native speaker it was a point of pride when I no longer needed subtitles to understand what they were saying. In recent times I've started using English SDH because apparently noone knows how to mix audio anymore.
So the sound mixing isn't the only issue so much as people not changing their sound output I've found.
You have sound intended for 5.1/7.1 being put into a 2.1 or a sound bar. Many streaming services offer different audio formats but they and/or users default to the highest option.
Subtitles is a game changer, I can actually follow what's going on. Movies/Shows now are so quiet during conversation but loud AF during action so it's hard to find the balance. Subtitles do the trick.
See if the opposite, with subs I'm reading a book and can't see what's going on because I'm reading the subtitles
Slow reader. We’ve been using subtitles for a decade for same reason as OP. I hated it. But now it’s just so nice because it’s not like I’m only reading subtitles the whole time, the brain actually just uses them when it realizes it’s missing a piece of context. Like, my eyes flip down for a heartbeat to skim some of the words and then back to watching. It’s a learned skill.
I read quickly but it still means I’m not looking at the main screen and part of movies/tv shows is the visuals and actor performance. And I’ve probably read faster than the actor’s spoke. Or if I can’t because the subtitles change quickly and only display a little text, then that means my attention is being constantly diverted to the movement at the bottom of the screen.
I dont think they meant it as an insult but if subtitles are genuinely distracting from the main screen you are a "slow reader" because speed reading makes processing those short modern subtitles subconscious and borderline instant. Your attention wouldn't be diverted from the main screen. Also "reading faster than something is spoken" is not a high bar for speed reading, that's why audiobooks are significantly slower than reading, even when sped up.
"Speed reading" is less about the literal end speed (although the end result is fast) and more about how the person is processing written words.
Thank you, yes. Not meant as an insult. Watching movies/TV shows/etc is basically just giving your brain a puzzle to constantly solve. You give it all the different inputs, and the brain makes sense of it. For a lot of people that don’t even consciously realize the subtitles are there, this is just another piece of the puzzle available to use if the brain finds it necessary. It doesn’t mean I’m literally going back and forth between reading subtitles and watching the media and back and forth constantly. The reading really does become so subconscious, and the subtitles really just visually fade to background.
I can totally get that someone who hasn’t used subtitles thinks it is literally reading fast, looking back up, reading fast, looking back up. Yeah, that sounds exhausting. I absolutely loathed subtitles when I met my partner. But they needed them, so it wasn’t a discussion. And I’ve come to find myself reflexively turning on subtitles even by myself because my brain loves that extra tool it has the option of using.
Probaby 50% of what I watch is in Korean which aside from words I've picked up, I do not understand. Because I'm so used to subtitles (and read fast) I completely forget that I'm reading subtitles (unless they are crap) until I do the look away to do something and realize after a chunk of dialogue that I don't actually know what was said and have to RW which I don't have to do if in English. This happens disturbingly often though luckily if they are just cursing each other out I understand enough to not need the RW.
My brain doesn’t multitask or switch tasks very easily. I do have ADHD. And even if I read the subtitles they’re still there for my brain to try and read even if I already did.
I have adhd and not having subtitles is hard for me because there is always other noise(wife talking, dog chewing on a toy, dishwasher running) that distracts me from tv dialogue, the subtitles just work different for my brain.
Yep. If I read them, I get the whole line before the actor performs it, so it’s more like halfway between reading a script and watching a movie. And if I ignore them, there’s still an extra thing on top of the picture distracting me and fucking up the light balance in the scene.
Yes! Like how your brain gets used to glasses with different sections of lenses. We got into a show with strong accents and we watched a couple episodes with the subtitles off. Suddenly I realized how much I was relying on the subtitles to understand the dialogue and I didn't even realize I was doing it.
I'm deaf so need subtitles, but when I watch shows I kinda use my peripheral vision to watch the show or read the subtitles depending on whats going on. Sounds weird, but the more you do it the easier it gets. You also learn to read very quickly.
Not saying it applies to everyone but I found it something I developed over time. I watch mostly anime and only subbed. It became easier to read and watch the more I did it. I think it is kind of like building a speed reading skill.
I watch a lot of foreign films so moving to subtitles all the time was easy. I used to go see them with a friend in college. Once we went to see a movie and couldn’t figure out why the movie seemed “off.” Then I realized it was because it had no subtitles.
Yeah, I don’t like them because I can’t look away, my eye automatically is drawn to them, and I get eye fatigue going back-and-forth reading and watching.
They are unfortunately a necessity at times because of how bad sound mixing is these days. Some shows you need them just to understand what is being said.
Its says alot to me if someone cant accomodate for something like this. My wife prefers subtitles. Ive gotten used to it. Because I am not fighting over something so trivial.
This! My husband immediately got on the subtitles bandwagon when we first started dating. He never had a problem with them even though he never used them before me. Now he watches with subtitles even if I'm not around.
when my wife and I started dating, she didn't love the subtitles but really only complained when we were watching sports (since the action is more important than the words). now though, we can go to the movies and halfway through she will turn to me and say she needs subtitles lol
I read that subtitles make people angry if they read too slowly...
They'll learn to read faster once they start to read subtitles. I learned this when I was 12
I always tell my husband, "Where are the subtitles? I can't see without my subtitles!"
The only time we turn them off is if we're watching a comedy special, so they don't spoil the punchlines.
I turn them off for live sports too because the action is always ahead of the subtitles anyway. Otherwise, always have them on.
But one person is always not accommodating the other in this scenario
If one person needs subtitles because they have issues hearing and processing audio and don't experience the media properly without it, and one person doesn't like seeing them because they think they're annoying, it's obvious who should be accommodated. I'm vision impaired and I wouldn't stop using my accessibility options because someone else said they found it distracting.
No of course not, but as someone who just can't handle subtitles (obsessively read and re-read the words if there is audio and text at the same time, it's just a weird quirk of my brain) married to someone who has trouble processing the muddy audio these days, we've both just had to watch things apart from the other because our 2 needs simply aren't compatible. We listen to music together or merrily lay next to each other watching stuff on our separate phones with headphones or reading books together.
You guys figured out how to make it work. OP and their SO should be able to do this too.
It’s called reasonable accommodation. The reasonable accommodation here is subtitles.
Sorry, I’m 💯 for subtitles. They’re easy to ignore but if I miss a line, I’d rather read it than miss it.
Edit : NAH Thought this was a throwaway comment that didn’t need judgement. My bad.
They’re really not easy to ignore for some people. It’s a series of words covering part of the bottom of the screen flashing on and off and they’re extremely distracting for me. They ruin the momentum of dialogue because I inadvertently see what someone will say before they finish talking, and it ruins a lot of surprises in horror or action movies.
Me too! I can read fast enough that I can't help but read ahead of the verbal dialog, so it ruins any acting going on. Luckily (?) my husband is dyslexic so he doesn't want the subtitles anyway, but because words are the last thing he looks at in a scenerio, he has a hard time understanding why I can't just ignore the words.
I agree 100%, sub titles take away from the show.
They absolutely ruin a lot of jokes in comedies. I was watching a the new Jim Norton special the other night and the punchlines were all on screen during the set up.
I cannot ignore subtitles and I'm a quick reader so I just accept that I'm going do things like laugh at jokes before they're delivered verbally. It's most strange watching foreign films in the theater with regular audiences because it functions as a real time display of how quickly people can read based on when they react.
I have a lot of friends with audio processing issues and just accept subtitles as an accessibility accommodation if someone prefers them to be on. And my partner and I turn them on with shows like The Great British Bake Off because sometimes the accents make the dialogue completely unintelligible.
They’re insanely difficult to ignore for me. If they’re on, I find myself looking at the words the whole time, and more than once I’ve missed something visually and need to go back. And also sometimes they’re not timed correctly, so things get spoiled
I can’t ignore them, and then I miss visual stuff. I’m just reading. I can’t watch with subtitles unless it’s literally a foreign film and I can’t understand it otherwise, and then I usually need to watch it multiple times to actually get it all because of my split attention.
Your title doesn't match the question.
I imagine there's some rationale for it, but Reddit really needs to allow title editing. A slight typo like OP's and it changes the entire question.
Almost feels to me like OP just wants to call his wife an asshole without actually saying it
This is such a non issue.
If it’s YOUR show = subtitles If it’s HER show = no subtitles Neutral show = flip a fucking coin
I can't agree with this if the aim is to watch it together. If I was forced to watch a show without subtitles, the moment I stop being able to follow what is being said I'll just give up and watch my own thing.
This isn't about enjoyability, it's about accessibility. People process audio in different ways and for many people it's a requirement to actually be able to enjoy a show.
Edit: Forgot to say OP is NTA
Exactly. My husband and I started using them in our 30s bc we love watching foreign films. At this time we realized how much easier it is to watch them all the time. Now in our late 40s, we can’t watch without them. If the movie or platform doesn’t have them, we don’t even bother.
I don't understand how that's fair at all. Subtitles are distracting vs I cant follow at all without subtitles isnt equal. My opinion is deal with slight distraction or watch on your own, not being able to follow along is a much bigger deal.
Yeah, that’s pretty much OP’s compromise and I think it works.
NAH yall have opposing accesibility needs which sucks but neither of ye is an ass for it. WBTA if ye didnt compromise and have them on some of the time and off some of the time
This. Also, OP, check if your TV or streaming service offers adaptions of the way subtitles are displayed. Our TV has that option. If this is possible, you might find a setting your spouse finds less distracting, for the times you're compromising watching with subtitles on.
Honestly, if each really struggles to take in the content while watching things the other’s way, the only workable “compromise” might be just not watching things together, or watching at the same time on different screens.
NTA—I can’t hear tv without subtitles. I only manage when I go to movie theatres because it’s usually loud, and there’s fewer distractions.
They have special device at theater that do the subtitles at your seat. .
I only learned of this last month when I went to see Sarah's Oil. It was really handy. Connected to the cupholder and I positioned it just beneath the screen so I could view the subtitles and it wasn't in the way.
You can request special headsets at the theater
With voices so low in current movies l, I dont know how anyone can follow a movie without them
Nta
NAH - its just incompatible viewing needs. come up with a schedule to either trade off or get a CC viewer
Yep. Watch movies separately. I can’t even watch the news with the scrolling text underneath. I find closed captioning to be annoying.
NAH you both just have different preferences. I personally hate subtitles because I end up reading the show rather than watching it. But to each their own!
This is my experience too. I want to look at the actors' faces as they act. Not scan distracting words as they flash across the bottom of the screen.
NAH. I can't watch anything with subtitles. I've tried and I hate them. You're allowed to have them on, just don't demand she watches with you.
You don’t watch anything done in a foreign language?
They could use dubs over subs.
I hate dubs when you have the option for subs, but to each their own.
Personally I don’t. I can’t stand dubs and I find subtitles distracting. I’ve tried repeatedly to get through Pan’s Labyrinth and can’t.
It sucks shrug. It’s not like I want to miss out on great content I know I’d enjoy, but I can’t handle visual + audio + text. Everyone itt thinking just putting on subtitles is more considerate of accessibility doesn’t get that it makes it less accessible for others.
Subtitles are a must for most things in my home. Both boyfriend and I went to way too many concerts without ear protection….also the dialogue audio is always so much lower than a lot of other tracks in most movies and a lot of shows. I use the subtitles to fill in for the stuff I miss and not just to read it all.
Yessss! The audio on TV movies and shows can be really hard to catch at times, and I'm not hard of hearing
NAH
It CAN be distracting to those that don't need it.
There are some that NEED the subtitles.
Being in a relationship with a hearing impaired person you will experience this all the time and some people while not full on impaired may experience challenges understanding/keeping up with dialog on a TV. You MAY want to get your hearing tested.
There is no wrong here....just need to come up with something that works for both of you. Maybe separate TV's/rooms for the most part when you both want to watch in a way most comfortable.
The switch in POV makes me think this is AI
The way movies are made now, it's almost impossible to hear dialog to match the volume of the sound effects, so unless i want to have my ear drums blown out during a random car gets blown up scene or something, it's lower volume and subtitles.
INFO:
Can you clarify what this means?
He likely means when he picks out something for them to watch she needs to let him use subtitles compared to if she picks something out for them to watch he's not gonna try and force the subtitles to be on
Ahhh I read it as "when I say something, it has to happen" and that's y t a but if it's how you say, then I agree. He picks - subtitles. She picks - no subtitles.
Another way to look at it: If he is watching something and they are on and she joins in. She can't demand they be turned off to benefit her and hinder him.
NAH. I can’t watch with subtitles. My eyes always get pulled to the words and I miss everything except for them on screen. As much as I’d love to watch Anime with subtitles, I had to switch to dubbed. I was constantly reading a scene, then rewinding and watching it so I didn’t miss things. You two just process differently from one another.
^ this is the thing not getting said elsewhere in comments yet. Sounds to me like, petty/misunderstanding layer aside, this might be an issue of conflicting accommodations.
Bc it's pretty commonly known that Needing subtitles can be an accommodation for disability (whether adhd, auditory processing, or something else). But it's also true that for some people, Not having subtitles is the accommodation (no way for me to know what's true for your spouse, but i def know neurodivergent people who truly can't follow a plot bc the words on the screen are constantly pulling their focus and they can't process both the words and images at the same time).
If you can't enjoy, understand, or appreciate a movie Without subtitles, and she can't do the same With them - then you've got conflicting accommodation needs, and it's a matter of finding balance.
I'd try to move on to other questions that might help make an answer easier to find in each instance. Like -is it the first time for one of you to see the thing? First time watcher gets preference -is one of you more invested in a given show, and the other is just watching to keep company? More invested one gets preference -if interest is evenly matched, maybe take turns? That way at least it's not one of you suffering/missing out all the time, and you can practice relying on each other to help fill in gaps of things missed or misunderstood while watching.
The fact that you've been married eleven years and can't figure out a solution to this makes me wonder how much conflict you've faced as a couple. It kinda sounds like you're both stuck more on who's right (irrelevant) vs how you can both get your needs met in this situation. Like - are you on the same team in this? Sounds cheesy, but if you're feeling adversarial towards each other, you might need to figure out why you're not able to listen to each other closely enough to both feel understood, bc that's often a big barrier to being able to effectively discuss real solutions /ways to move forward. Good luck. 💖
It's an accessibility issue. I prefer subtitles personally. So like. If someone adamantly cannot handle watching something with subtitles I'll watch without, just don't expect me to know what the fuck is going on.
And NTA
NTA. Modern movies, and Netflix original content especially, have horrible audio mixing.
My SO prefers subtitles. I don't. I just give in for sake of peace in the home. Not a battle I want to pick. The exception is comedy specials. The subtitles can ruin the comedic timing.
I'm a dedicated subtitle person, but also turn them off for stand-up comedy because of the timing issue.
NAH but if it helps you understand the show and follow along better, she should give in on this one if it’s just a preference for her.
It sounds like it helps her follow better to not have the multiple forms of input. If she's distracted by the subtitles, she can't follow as well because her brain is switching between reading and listening.
Usually being distracted by someone else’s accessibility aid isn’t cause for removing it. They might just need to not watch tv together.
Yea, maybe they can't watch TV together, but his ability to understand what's going on doesn't take precedence over her ability to understand what's going on.
Distraction is an accessibility issue. This is just ADHD and hearing/processing impairment clashing.
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And what if her experience is ruined by having subtitles on? Why is this only one-way?
My partner had to have subtitles on when watching TV.
I no longer watch TV, I read TV. I am neurodiverse so having the subs on means I don't watch what's on, I read it.
Maybe your partner is similar and cannot enjoy what's on for similar reasons.
I can't decide if this is a NAH or ESH. If no one is backing down then ESH, if you compromise somehow then NAH.
I find subtitles annoying for the same reason, and I'm neurotypical. My eyes are drawn to the subtitles, and I find myself reading rather than watching. My husband, however, likes to have them on, so I compromise. After years of it, I can somewhat ignore the subtitles, but not completely. I still prefer to watch without them. If I'm watching TV alone, the subtitles go off.
The only time I want subtitles is when we're watching something in a foreign language. In that case, I'd rather read the subtitles with the original audio than listen to the voice-over dubbing.
(And, sometimes subtitles block text on the screen.)
“……..our biggest fight has been because of Subtitles on Netflix…” Married 11 years and this is your biggest fight? You are truly living the married dream, my friend.
Subtitles are a must.
NAH. It improves your experience and it harms hers. Neither of you are wrong for that, but unfortunately there’s not much room for compromise other than I guess taking turns having your way.
NAH, yet. accessibility tools are for everyone. i can hear perfectly well, but my brain tracks the story better if i can read what's being said. lots of people have auditory processing delays or disorders. maybe the compromise is not watching tv together.
If I couldn’t watch with subtitles I’d spend the whole movie going “Huh? What did he say? Where are they going? Who was the murderer? Rewind it for me a little” and that’s way more annoying than having words on the screen
My friend who is neuro divergent esp likes subs on. I am also nd and dont like them. We are all different. You guys need to compromise
Lower the volume all the way down and tell her the sound is very distracting for you, then ask her if she can follow what's going on. Because that's how it feels to me without subtitles.
NTA
My mom was against watching with subtitles until we just left them on one day and she realized all the stuff she was missing because she didn't have subtitles on. Now we watch subtitles with everything except live TV.
NAH, but you need to compromise. My husband and I have a setting on our tv that enables CC on replay only. So we watch without them, but if I miss something I hit the 30 second rewind button and it kicks them on for a minute or two. It makes both of us happy.
Bro, if you literally can’t follow the story without subtitles, that’s not “being picky,” that’s survival. She can deal for 2 hours.
But it makes it hard for her to follow. How is that fair?
My husband and I like them on. We're not hard of hearing, but sometimes it's hard to hear certain words and we end up rewinding and re-playing to figure out what's being said.
Also, with the way movies are made these days with loud background noises and soft speaking parts, it makes it easier to know what's being said.
NTA for wanting to watch with subtitles.
I watch everything with subtitles, not just foreign tv. Especially late at night when I turn the volume down a bit to be considerate for neighbours.
Maybe you will have to start watching tv in separate rooms to fix this.
NAH. Seems like you two need to compromise. Maybe whoever picks the show decides whether to use subtitles. Maybe you alternate days. Maybe you flip a coin.
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I love subtitles it’s like reading and animated book 😂I can understand the show better with the subtitles
Sometimes you just don't know what the hell a character said too. I prefer it but it really helps when I'm watching things with less familiar accents. For example, I don't know what Britts are saying half the time.
I could have never watched Peaky Blinders without subtitles.
NAH..... You aren't an jerk for wanting to follow the story better, but unilaterally deciding your preference "wins" is what's causing the friction. Since you process information differently, you should try a compromise, like using them for complex dramas but leaving them off for comedies, to ensure you both actually enjoy the movie night.
Closed caption makes it better to follow along with the movie- you can glance at the words when watching movie. It fills in the gaps especially when you are hard of hearing- it’s not just for old people. It’s a helpful tool for people who need it.
It’s not just helpful for people who are hearing impaired, it’s massively helpful for many neurodivergent people
Or massively distracting...which leads to the question what is OP looking for with this post? I can't see anything about asking on compromises or different approaches which would be more realistic. It appears to be a validation post.
I find subtitles incredibly distracting. I can’t help but read them. My mind tries to play a game by reorganizing the words. For real it’s a problem. I literally don’t end up watching the movie and don’t know what’s happened. If someone needs them of course I don’t argue but I do ask if it’s needed or just nice to have.
Compromise. Reduce size and remove background.
Subtitles are great. I am always so grateful when they are available. I am not hearing impaired, I literally just think having them makes for a better watching experience 99% of the time. My husband was willing to accommodate me and is now fully on board with it and prefers them on even when I am not there.
If your wife is the type of person who watches things with her fullest attention and the atmosphere/set design is super important to her, I CAN understand her point of view - she doesn’t need subtitles and they flash in front of the scene in a way that the director did not design for. If she really cares about the way a movie is “meant” to be perceived, she may feel that she isn’t getting that experience. But that’s a big assumption on my part, of course. I think you’re NTA. You really get something out of subtitles being on, and so of course you want them.
I have ADHD. I have to have subtitles on
I have ADHD. Subtitles off.
I lived for 30 years under the flight path of an international airport. As soon as the detective was about to announce the murderer, a plane would go overhead. Also, I have always had issues with hearing the dialogue, especially with accents. So, once cc became available, I had it on.
Positive spin: My kids had the cc on their whole lives and didn't know any different. They grew up to be great readers.
NAH. This may just be a compatibility issue and you both need to compromise. Maybe take turns? Cause you are both valid. Subtitles can be annoying and distracting from the movie but at the same time, it also helps you understand what exactly is being said incase you can’t hear them correctly
I just think people who don't watch with subtitles can't read fast enough or have ADHD and get distracted, either way, NTA having subtitles isn't that much of a distraction imo
I can read very quickly and I don’t like to use subtitles because I end up reading what the character is going to say before they say it. And I hate that.
This is what happens to me as well! Also, it's really hard to just ignore and not read the subtitles when they're on the screen, so it ends up being super distracting.
I actually think this is a situation where there are conflicting access needs. I do wonder if OP should consider getting their hearing checked if they consistently need subtitles to follow a show (though of course there are plenty of other reasons why this may be the case, like auditory processing issues unrelated to hearing loss).
Me too! And if words are flashing up on the screen, it's difficult/impossible to just ignore and not read them.
What's even worse is when there's a funny video on youtube, but the otherwise skilled and talented creator decided for some reason to bake subtitles right into the video, thus telegraphing and spoiling their own jokes. I can think of a couple examples of people I'm a big fan of, but when they do that, I have to cover the bottom of the screen to watch it
It's the absolute worst with comedies, ruins every joke when you read the punchline before the character even says the words.
Yup. I read them faster than the dialogue comes and it constantly ruins the delivery, timing, jokes. I’ll politely put up with it when people need them, but if my husband started asking for subtitles we’d probably rarely watch TV together. We already don’t watch a lot of TV, so it wouldn’t be difficult to just split TV time.
It’s the opposite for me. I read very quickly, and hate that I see what the actor is about to say, before it’s said. It ruins the timing, the expression/emotion, humor, everything. I might as well read a play.
It also visually distracts from the cinematography and the intent of the director in creating a visual focus for that scene.
AFAIK I'm NT but I hate watching TV/films with subtitles. I read too quickly so I read what they are about to say it before they say it which totally ruins the moment.
I read very fast. Subtitles are a complete pain because my brain will focus on them and end up ahead of the audio. It's a constant stream of distractions that pull me out of the story.
It's okay if the audio is in a language I don't know, but English audio and English subtitles are really, really annoying for me.
It can be, depending on the person. It does distract me. I'm a compulsive reader and can't ignore the text. It's a different experience to watch a show with the subtitles on.
It’s actually people who read fast that have a problem with subtitles.
I read fast & have adhd. I ALWAYS watch w subtitles. My daughter (also fast reader & adhd) needs them too because she says she can't hear without her subtitles.
Sure, sometimes theyre ahead of the speaker & spoil the surprise, but most of the time, they fill in the words I cant catch or process. Ill force myself to ignore them until the speaker says the words. But anticipatory speech has always been a part of my fast moving thoughts, so its not new.
Plus subtitles allows me to keep a lower volume & not need to dominate the small living area with sound.
NAH - you both need to compromise & work it out. I do lean towards having subtitles because if you don't process the speech without them, how is it going to be purposeful watching? The other can learn to ignore easier than the other trying to aquire meaning without.
That’s such a shitty take, let me guess you like subtitles? It’s like saying people that need them are a bit stupid - absolutely not true
I read 50+ books a year. I'm a fast reader and I read A LOT. I hate subtitles. I find myself reading instead of watching. I get impatient for the next line of text instead of watching what's happening. Also when I read, I "see and hear" what I'm reading in my head, when the visual of the show doesn't match or someone doesn't give the same emotive I did in my head, it's irritating.
Reading and watching TV are two very different experiences for me. They don't mesh well.
Both of you are lucky if this is your main problem. May be time to get your hearing checked. Just to make sure you are not missing something else.
The volume of the actor's voices can be so low sometimes compared to other sounds/music/voices in the background, that subtitles have made it so much easier to follow along. Especially in movies.
Biggest fight is over subtitles? Your marriage is blissfully happy. Enjoy!
Personally I'm not a big fan of subtitles unless someone is genuinely hard of hearing. It is distracting.
However, sound mixing in most modern TV and film means that dialogue is often really hard to pick out! without having the TV stupidly loud!
It's not just for people who are HoH. I have auditory processing problems, so I need subtitles on most things. I can't even watch a YouTube video without them. I'd never be able to watch a movie with my spouse if he wasn't accommodating to me and kept subtitles on.
Not an asshole. I like subtitles also, for the same reasons as you and sometimes my old ears miss something
I may be bias because I prefer subtitles but definitely NTA. Netflix’s subtitles are the least invasive as well, there’s some streaming services where the subtitles have a black background and block parts of the screen. Anyways, my partner also hates subtitles but he got over it being “distracting” because I hate having to rewind shows and movies when I don’t catch some dialogue. He finally got fed up with me having to rewind to figure out what people were saying and he sometimes too would miss a line here or there so he finally understood the convenience of them for me.
NAH. Your compromise is the right. Whoever picks the show, they get to pick the subtitle.
Put a second tv next to the other one for subtitles
Maybe watch without them and ask her to repeat and/or rewind multiple times next watch because you missed something. I'm guessing she'll come around.
I’m disabled and need subtitles on to follow a show. It’s an accessibility device. It’s a small inconvenience to her to allow you a way to enjoy the show as well. NTA.
I'm disabled and need subtitles off to follow a show. I find they make the process unaccessible. It's not a small inconvenience. Not everything that makes your disability easier is universal. Other disabilities have other needs.
We have children. The subtitles stay on permanently.
Title was kinda confusing, bc it says “not wanting to watch Netflix w subtitles” but then you state you want subtitles and she doesn’t.
I watch a lot of foreign dramas (Cdramas and KDramas) so I have gotten used to subtitles. Even when I watch something in English I won't understand it unless subtitles are on 😂😂😂.
This is divorce worthy. /s
Subtitles or die in this house tho
ESH, You guys need to learn how to compromise. Or you watch TV separately..
NTA She is being ableist by telling you that you can't have access to something that improves your comprehension. So many people have auditory processing disorder as well as other struggles, closed captioning exists for a reason.
Or maybe you're being ableist by telling people to use something that reduces their comprehension. Just because it assists with one disability doesn't mean it's good for all disabilities.
As someone with auditory processing issues due to ADHD and NEEDS subtitles, I have met other folks with ADHD who absolutely cannot have the subtitles because it distracts them too much. So both people are experiencing the exact same issue, just in different fonts. It’s not ableist, because it’s probably quite annoying and disabling to not be able to focus on your media because there’s writing at the bottom of the screen. One thing is not worse than the other, it’s not the suffering olympics.
So, he should be able to force her to suffer through having the closed caps on when it materially affects her ability to enjoy the programs?
I find that “reading” a show keeps me focused on the show. Otherwise, my mind wanders far far away and I spend more time rewinding than watching.
Watch Foreigner movies or shows. That way You Will need the subtitles. I do find the subtitles distracting but I don't thin either of You are AH.
I've been using captions since I was about 15 (44 now), and I was honest with my now husband. Its easier for me to read, and listen than just to listen. It took him a little time, but after 6 years together, it's just the norm now.
Neither one of you is an asshole. I dont like subtitles on either it is distracting. Maybe you guys should invest in some better speakers or surround sound. Thats what i did
I have to have subtitles on because my partner will talk while we are watching and audio on Netflix is awful so I end up missing stuff. If I can’t have subtitles I won’t watch. For some people it’s a necessity 🤷♀️ NAH for wanting subtitles !
I love watching with subtitles to not miss a beat. And I miss them when I go to the movies 🍿 lol
NTA. My preference is without subtitles but I'm perfectly happy with them too when others need them.
NAH. I like my subtitles but if we're watching something together I can live without. Might have to run it back tho because I hate missing dialog.
Nah
But honestly, I am team GF. I can't handle subtitles on TV shows either. I find myself reading and not watching. To me that isn't enjoyable.
I think the two of you need to come to a compromise
So question, you say it helps you follow along. What does that mean? Do you have hearing problems or do the actors speak too fast?
NTA but personally I don’t like subtitles unless it’s due to translating. I can’t help but read them and then I sometimes miss an action important to the storyline.
It needs to be fair to both of you. Your shows definitely have them. Hers don’t. Mutual flip a coin or decide based on what type of show/movie it is. If it’s an action movie I don’t think you need them as much as it more visual. If it’s a thriller you need to know the wordy context.
When I first watched with subtitles for foreign language shows/movies, it was distracting. Now that I've been doing it for a while, I'm very comfortable with it. She could maybe try it for a month.
NAH. But I do find the subtitles distracting af unless it’s a film in a language I don’t know.
You offered a compromise so I vote NTA. Personally everyone who I have met, who is resistant to subtitles in the beginning ends up loving them eventually. Granted and I have a very small sample size so I wouldn’t say it’s a guarantee but good luck.
NAH but to me subtitles are distracting.
NTA. I love that this is your main issue is 11 years of marriage. I wish you both the best.