My mom travels for work and is often away for months at a time.
When she does come home, she usually flies in late, so she likes her room to be clean and her bed freshly washed and made.
I’m happy to oblige because she’s letting me live at home for free while I save up for my own place and it’s a simple request to just want the house clean. Plus, she’s my mom.
She’s been dating this guy and has him over sometimes when she’s in town.
The last time she was here was Thanksgiving and this guy spent the night at our place. I know that him and my mom had intimate relations because I could hear it from my room. Yes gross… but she’s an adult and I’m living at her house. So, it is what it is.
Anyways, she leaves to go back to work the next day without cleaning her room/sheets. And now, she’ll be coming home next week for the holidays.
I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable cleaning her dirty sheets because I don’t want to touch dirty sheets that have *those* bodily fluids on them.
She got pissed off and was saying that it’s not a big deal as housekeepers in hotels clean dirty sheets all the time.
But I stood ten toes down that I’m not touching those sheets even with gloves.
She’s still pissed but said she’ll do it herself but I don’t understand how she doesn’t understand that I actually feel offended that she’d expect me to handle those sheets in the first place.
AITA??
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, she could have stripped the bed and put them in the washer before she left
Right.. ask to move them to the dryer and make the bed if you don’t have time, but it takes two minutes to strip a bed and start the laundry.
And if she's away for months, after the bed is made, throw a sheet over it to prevent dust.
This is the beginning of the end. OP needs to start making major moves about moving out. Mom likes a clean house, God forbid she comes home to find out OP hasn't cleaned up all the used condoms that were left on the floor. SMDH!!🤮
It's worrying that the mother doesn't find it disgusting; I'd like to know if she would if he did
[removed]
She should be doing this everytime she leaves, it let's the mattress air out better and helps prevent the room from getting musty as quickly
Edit typo
[removed]
I doubt it is fluid any more. Probably a bit crusty.
But NTA.
Yuck 🤮
Omg that somehow seems worse!
As someone whose parents had paid housekeepers, I would have gotten beaten if they found out I allowed the housekeeper to handle that sort of stuff. In their mind, the job wasn’t to clean up after everyone’s mess, but to actually clean the house. When I went to a friends house I realized not everyone was raised the same and I watched how my friends family treated their housekeeper in a way that shocked me. Some people have no shame apparently.
Not to mention its nearly a month old? I'd be MORTIFIED if someone saw the aftermath of me leaving a plate of food out for a month much less bodily fluids that I failed to clean! Just.. ewwww. My husband and I have extra sheets for this exact reason, if messes get made we just swap them out then and there we don't wait until the morning much less a month!
[removed]
Nta, anyone else who disagrees is weird. It doesn't make op immature/ lazy for not wanting to be around her mother's fluids. Also Op does do the laundry as she stated in her post. She just doesn't want to wash these sheets from her mother's sexual activities.
Yeah op is fine cleaning and it’s a very healthy boundary not to want to touch your parents jizz blanket
NTA
This!!! The people saying YTA are the trashy parents who loudly have sex near their children
This always shocks me. "It's MY house." Why are you so comfortable with your family, especially minors, hearing your sex noises? Like I get that sometimes noises might be inevitable, but not even trying to keep quiet and doubling down? Some REAL weird issues.
Yeah, and I think it really sucks for minors. Iwas one of them that had to experience hearing the noise and it made me very uncomfortable.
I am a light sleeper, always have been, my room was right next to theirs, and what made it worse is that my baby brother at the time had his crib in their room and one time was crying while they were doing it. As the eldest daughter, I would often go in there to get him because they were heavy sleepers (or knocked out on xanax) and take him to my room for the night, but I couldn't even get to him that night. So not only could I not sleep because of all the moaning, grunting, and slapping I was hearing, but it was made worse by the baby crying and being distressed because I couldn't help him (I love my siblings more than anything and would do anything for them, as if they were my own (yes i was parentfied at a very young age)) and they were too "busy"
I dunno how anyone would be able to still be horny enough to fuck through their baby’s crying. That’s fucked up.
Y'know, I didn't even think about that. I'm asexual so I don't experience sexual attraction so never thought about it that way, but it makes total sense that a baby crying would be a turn off. Maybe they were too loud or into it that they couldn't hear him, idk. But they are shitty parents so I wouldn't put it past them to just ignore him to get their rocks off.
She said she’s backing living at her mom’s house for free. Very much indicating she is not a minor.
OP isn't, but I've seen posts from minors before.
This, in fact, is child sexual abuse when done around minors.
I've had them arguing relentlessly to a comment I made last night and you're on the money. They'll be the very same that show up on a reddit post going "why does my child not talk to me or involve me in my grandkids life!" When the backstory is this.
Right, its one thing for OP to have to strip the dirty sheets off the bed and another for mum to strip the bed before leaving and chuck the sheets straight into the machine so that way OP only has to touch the clean sheets to hang them out to dry
The fact mom is like housekeepers clean those types of sheets. Which is true, but it's the job they signed up for. Daughter didn't sign up for that gross cleanup.
This. Why would OP's mother want her own child to touch her sex sheets? Ew...
My father has had a VERY active sex life, and while he may say a bit too much at times, he would never, EVER want me touching his sheets unless they are fresh out of the wash...and even then its a very rare request. It was never a boundary that needed to be established, it was just always there.
Once you come out into the world, you are done dealing with your parents' sexy juice. No more of that.
[deleted]
Well, basically he was with my mother for over 15 years...but it wasn't pretty. She was a piece of work. We all love her, but we can't deny life changed for the better once she passed.
He took it the worst...he was a shell of a man. At some point we went to him and had "the talk" about dating another woman. Basically that we didn't care as long as she was good to him, AT LEAST civil to middle sib and I, and understood that she had better get to like the youngest sib, because they would be a package deal for a long time to come. To his credit, he has always at least followed the last 2 rules.
Well, maybe we should have added some more rules, because in the few years since he has dated SO many women, he's a few letters off from finishing the alphabet song of women he's been with, plus extra letters. He gets recognized now. I run into his exes at places. One of them came to my workplace and went pale after she saw me.
Its like some inner animal awakened inside of him and he isn't at ease without a woman to have with him. He honestly pisses me off when he isn't with one, because he becomes a prick. It isn't healthy, and fucking hell he had BETTER stay with this one for a while because so help me it seems pretty fucking disrespectful the way he goes through them! Plus, I want to eat my dinner in the kitchen in peace without the sound effects of spanking a raw chicken in the background...
Thank fuck I should be moving soon. Not much longer.
Oh my god not the spanking raw chicken noises. So descriptive, so accurate lol
It's not even her mom's fluids. Presumably, the mom's partner's fluids are on that bedding too.
What I find really weird is how a woman who is successful enough to have regular wrok travel doe not have at least two sets of sheets. I feel confident that I do not know any female adults who do not have at least two sets. Is this story real?
Nowhere does it say she has only one set of sheets. OP just doesn't want to handle the dirty sheets that her mother leaves on the bed. That's the issue.
Not just her mother’s but her boyfriend’s. Fucking foul
NTA “I’m not a housekeeper, I’m your child.”
To be clear, I think general cleaning is a reasonable ask given her letting of live there. But not going into another persons bedroom is a hill I will die on. I will not clean someone else’s room. At most, I’d open the door and put the Roomba in there.
I completely agree with your comment. I wouldn't expect my kids to change my bedding, or clean my bedroom but I would want them to keep the rest of the house clean and tidy.
Heads up, autocorrect got you. I’m assuming your “I would let expect my kids….” Was supposed to be “I wouldn’t expect my kids….”
Thank you. Ive changed it!
No prob, happens to me all the time
I really should check before sending ><
Agreed. My brother would house sit for me when I traveled, keeping him out of other poor living situations. He was very tidy and I never asked or expected him to do my bedroom or personal bathroom. He didn't use them, and he kept mutual places and the spare bedroom clean. And did some odd jobs for me on top of that.
NTA, all the Americans in the comments are honestly so weird, acting like parents are doing charity for their children if they still live with them past a certain age. You decide to have a kid, you sign up for supporting them for a lifetime, even though the kind of support you do will likely change throughout their lifetime, it doesn't stop when the child reaches adulthood.
You apparently do enough housekeeping that she feels comfortable comparing you to an actual housekeeper (presumably including washing her sheets if they're not dirty with sexual fluids) and from another comment you do pay for several things. It literally takes a few moments to take off dirty sheets, she's a grown woman, she can do that herself.
couldnt agree more with your comment. some parents really feel like their responsibility for their children stops at 18 for some reason
to everyone that feels that way: do not have kids
I'm American and I don't know anybody who would think this is OK. But we do have a lot of weirdos in the US. I just try not to associate with people who want their kids to touch their boyfriend's splooge.
Tbh, it probably isn't just Americans that do this and also not all Americans obviously, but you just see it a lot more with Americans, whether through media, or here on Reddit or whatever.
Im an American. I agree it’s very common mindset these days 💀💀💀
I'm American and couldn't be further from agreement with the boundary-less weirdos calling OP the AH. I can also say with full confidence that no one in my family either would dream of tasking anyone but themselves to strip and clean their sex sheets. Chores and general housecleaning? Sure, absolutely. But people are entitled to boundaries, even children. (Adult or otherwise.)
Not contesting your experience, just reassuring you that not all of us behave/think like this. ❤🙏 (The frequent braindead takes from our corner of the world though does us no favors lol.)
I share your outlook 100%.
As an American, I want to say to these other Americans...any of you calling OP the asshole for not wanting to handle his mother's sexy juice are just as weird as OP's mother. Why would you find it okay for your own child, adult or not, to handle your frisky-squirts? Stop that. Get some help.
Well said! I forget how strict Americans are about kicking the kids out at 18, in the rare instances where that doesn't happen, they lose their minds.
Most Americans do not kick their kids out at 18. That actually very rare. Reddit does not represent reality in most ways.
I agree, I think the pervading attitude these days is “you have to be working / in school / in the process of finding a job.” Most parents (in my experience) are fine with it as long as their eighteen-year-old is doing something productive with their lives.
I do think it used to be done a lot 30-40 years ago. At least that is what I saw a lot of. I had to leave at 17.
NTA, that's just gross. As a mother living with an adult child I would never ask him or a her to do that. I also wouldn't do it for him.
NTA. It wouldn't have been difficult for her to throw them in the washer before she left and then asked you to dry them and remake her bed while she was gone. She's treating you like a housekeeper, not her child. There's no respect there.
NTA - you are not a housekeeper, and I see below that you said you pay many bills in the house. She can strip her own bed and throw the sheets in the wash before she leaves town (not a big deal for you to throw them in the dryer once they are clean and leave them on her bed for her) or wash her sheets when she gets home.
I've never lived with any roommates or family that expected me to change and wash their sheets. It's a weird ask in the first place to ask someone else to clean your bedroom.
NTA her room should be her responsibility and if she wants a clean room when she gets home she can clean it before she goes
Some of the Y TA comments really do need therapy. Yes, at a certain point, you should be able to do your own laundry, clean up after yourself, and help clean common spaces. But being forced to clean up your parents' room is way too much. I don't care if you're living there rent-free.
A found a decent human being y’all. There’s hope.
NTA, and anyone saying yta is welcome to wash their own parent's cummy sheets. That's nasty af. It's mental to ask anyone to clean that, outside of the person who helped you get them dirty.
And you ain't a housekeeper, you're her child, no matter how old!!!
As someone who works in healthcare this IS gross. The mom could easily strip the bed, put the laundry in the washer and start it and I’m certain OP would not mind making the bed with the clean sheets. There is a HUGE difference between cleaning up after your child and cleaning up after another grown adult and I say that as someone who does for work.
Right? I swear some of these commenters are actual children that don't understand that bodily fluids smell and get gross. I had to clean restrooms at an old job for about two weeks once, after the cleaner quit and the company was waiting on a new one. People are fucking disgusting and you could not pay me enough to clean up after them. I was on the verge of throwing up sometimes. Your mom can clean her own nasty bedsheets, OP. NTA
Yeah, I’m literally here to debate with the people who think this is cool. I really want to know wtf is going on in that ball of goo they call a brain.
I saw a comment basically bragging that by the age of 6, they were doing the whole family's laundry, and they saw nothing wrong with that. That speaks volumes.
It's giving "I got beat and turned out okay!"
It's crazy how many people are saying OP is in the wrong! It's just weird for a parent to expect their child to clean their cummy sheets.
All of the Y T A comments r like “just grow up and touch the jizz sheets!” lmao 💀
And that she should do it because her mom cleaned up after her as a kid. That's what a mother does, ya dummy!
Like weirdly enough, that is what you sign up for when you decide to have & raise a child. Not the other way around
It's very reminiscent of people who ask "who's going to take care of you when you're old?!?" if they find out that you yourself don't have kids. Like, damn - I'm not having kids as a resource, wtf?
Literally, that's a fucked up reason to have kids, & there's no guarantee they will if you do!
Because of the way you commented, you’re technically voting that OP is the asshole. Separated them with spaces and it won’t count
Completely reasonable to expect Mom to remove the semen/saliva/secretion/lubricant laden sheets and throw them in the washing machine while she's off to her next shag. After that reasonable for you to do the rest. Be sure and do a hot wash with bleach. NTA.
NTA
That’s just gross.
Nta. She could at least strip the bed for you. Or, even better, throw it in the wash so all you need to do is put detergent in and press start
That’s what i don’t understand. I would’ve been okay if she had just put the sheets in the laundry machine before she left. I would’ve washed them and then made the bed!
NTA People are only seeing costs but not as something that should just be done by her anyway. Kinda trashy of her not being mindful of you hearing it nor realizing that yes, it's gross AF. Wash your own sheets lady.
Nta...ew
Make a compromise. When she leaves ask her to strip the sheets off the bed and throw them in a hamper. Your mom gets some lovin’ and you get free rent. I’d rather touch dirty sheets than pay rent.
I used to touch dirty sheets in order to to pay rent. It's really not a big deal, and it's usually easy to not touch the actual soiled area (except when someone had a massive incontinence accident, but that's where gloves and hand disinfectant come in).
It’s the concept of changing mom’s dirty sheets more than the actual logistics. Personally I wouldn’t do it in a Hazmat suit. Inappropriate.
It’s a fucking BOUNDARY especially between a child of ANY age and their adult parent.
NTA she could have removed her own jizz sheets and throw them in the machine before she left
Not to mention, doesn't she have more than of set of sheets? The mom could put the dirty set in her hamper and the daughter could just make the bed with the other clean sheets.
Yeah Mom should have pulled those off and thrown them in the laundry room at the very least! That's pretty fucking rude and entitled to ask you to change dirty sex sheets!
When I go to visit my mom, and if my husband and I do the thing, I always insist on stripping the bed and throwing them in the washing machine. I know she doesn't mind and understands married things but it gives me the ick to think of someone else touching it.
A hotel is different because you're paying somebody to deal with your gross sheets and towels. They already know what they need to avoid and how to deal with the biological items.
I'd do the sheets. But given the sensitive nature of what's bothering you, I ( being a parent) would have tossed the lot of them into the washer the morning I left. Then you'd be putting clean laundry into the dryer and making the bed before she returns.
This is the correct answer.
Thank God I didn't get some of y'all as parents. Clean your own jizz sheets, expecting your kid to be cool with that is vile especially if you're going to also be loud while doing it. I'd be side eyeing your mom like crazy.
Exactly, it is wild to me that people are saying she's the AH. Especially since they have already said they dont normally mind helping their mom. Its perfectly okay to not want to touch sheets your parents/whoever already had sex on unless it's yours. Everyone's all for boundaries, well this is hers, jesus.
It's really exposing the people who want to force their kids to touch their sex sheets as some type of power trip because they allow their kid to live at home. If my kid helps me out but draws the line at MY sex sheets that's a-okay to me!
The lack of boundaries is ridiculous. I’m 24, and I live with my mom. Growing up, I never even heard my parents being sexual, so just the idea of hearing the sex is enough for me to be disturbed. I can’t even imagine her asking me to wash the sheets.
And believe it or not, me and my mom are pretty open about sex related things but that would be crossing the line. And I say this having had to face her accidentally stumbling upon my sex toys lmao
YTA. You are presumably an adult living with her for free. The sheets haven't been touched in a month and unless she's having orgies at the Playboy Mansion, there's nothing all over the sheets. "Even with gloves" is also ridiculous, no one shit in the bed.
Pull the sheets off by the edge, throw them in the machine, press a button and call it a day. Grow up.
Also like does OP refuse to wash mom's regular laundry? socks? underwear? refuse to clean the toilet their mom uses? How far does this logic extend?
I'm not saying bury your nose in them and take a deep whiff but like stripping the bed seems harmless.
Yes because those are the same thing
'adult living with her for free' you Americans are twisted
Are you a parent? If you are, would you let your kids handle your bedding with semen? That is so wrong on so many levels and it doesn't matter if the child is an adult or not. I wouldn't mind handling bedding with my parent's urine or poo, but semen is where I draw the line.
Thank you! I was going insane reading all the people saying not the asshole. OP is an adult living rent free, and is asked to do literally one single thing every time her mum travels. Everyone saying "you're not a housekeeper" has totally missed the incredible deal they've got going on here. Free housing for housekeeping?? Yes please!
i don’t get you americans. What the hell is the concept of paying rent at your parents house? Even as an adult? My parents would never, even if I wanted to.
Yeah idk man as an American the "you're out of here at 18" thing is very cultural and has always been weird and mean spirited. It's certainly nothing my parents would ever do.
Firstly, that’s her daughter, not her housekeeper. And did you even read? She doesn’t even live there for free. She still pays a lot of bills. That’s her child, whether she’s an adult now or not. There’s a limit.
This is the kind of stuff therapists are made for. Mother's with zero boundaries.
I wouldn't want to hear it, let alone clean after the mess.
The respect just goes out the window to be honest.
Eugh. I'd never expect one of my kids to do this. I'd be uncomfortable even with a paid housekeeper or cleaner doing it.
NTA.
NTA, do some extra housework to make up for the sex sheets. The people saying that sex sheets are no big deal are gross.
NTA. So many people just going "Oh you cleaned the toilets and showers!" Yeah, that's a little different. If I heard someone absolutely blasting the toilet for 45 minutes and then they asked me to clean it? I'd obviously want to do it less than if I never heard it. If I heard my parent going to town with someone and then they asked me to clean up after them? That's fucking gross as hell, no.
NTA
"Hotel housekeeping does it all the time" okay, and? You're not hotel housekeeping. They sign up to clean the beds knowing what's going on in those rooms. You only signed up to help your mother, not clean up after her sexcapades. She could have easily stripped the bed and tossed the sheets in the washer before she left, but she chose not to.
People seem to be using "you're living there rent-free" as evidence that you should be cleaning up your mother's sex fluids, but giving someone a roof over their head isn't an excuse to disregard their boundaries.
NTA. It is totally reasonable after someone has sex that they take their own sheets off and puts them in the wash.
I imagine you wouldn’t have an issue with then making the bed thereafter, she could just leave it stripped
NTA youre allowed to have boundaries even when still living with parents. If she wants you to continue, she can put her sheets and bedding into the washer and you can take it from there.
The difference between this and housekeeping is that you aren't cleaning up after your own mom (extra ick factor) and you know what youre signing up for as a housekeeper. Shes just doing a favor for her mom.
Was this a stipulation to you staying or is it just something you decided you would do to thank your mom? It sounds like you did this cuz you know she likes the fresh cleaning bedding, and you felt you could do this to show you appreciate her. It really doesn't mean you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable.
I do think the best solution is that she handles the dirty bedding for now on, you can start the washer, dry them, and put them back. It isn't unreasonable not to want to touch sheets with your mom and boyfriends fluids on them. That grosses me out too.
She’s asked me to do it in the past but I know she likes coming home to a freshly made bed and I like knowing she’s comfortable. So I really don’t mind making her bed and cleaning her room.
NTA- there is no reason she, or the boyfriend, couldn’t throw them in the washing machine quickly before leaving. You could have easily taken care of moving them to the dryer and putting them back on the bed. Hell, they could have ust put them in the machine and you could have just added the detergent and continued the process. There are enough ways these two grown adults could have handled this situation without asking you to physically touch the sheets.
Also, I would be asking for some quality ear plugs from Santa because nobody wants to hear that!
NTA. I agree you shouldn’t have to touch those if you don’t want to. Same as washing someone’s underwear.. no thanks.
She should wash them before she leaves
At the very least, strip the bed and put the sheets in the washer before she leaves
Its an otherwise reasonable ask but it shouldn't take a scientist to explain to her why you dont want to touch her sex sheets... you're not a housekeeper. The least she could do is strip the bed herself and get you to deal with the fresh set. You could grab the corners and just bag up the bedding straight into the washer I guess.. Thats just fucking gross though Nta
Whoever says YTA is crazy.
The least mom could do is throw everything in the washer and hit on.
wtf is wrong with you people
I’ve legit never been so confused by the responses to a post on Reddit. I get OP is living rent free but why can’t the Mom just do her own damn sheets? It all sounds so weird. I’m sure most people would be disgusted if someone lived with a sibling & didn’t pay rent and the sibling asked them the same thing. I get our moms take care of us when are kids and deal with all the gross of that but there are boundaries. I would and will happily deal with all the gross stuff that comes with taking care of my mom as she ages but if she’s capable of it, I think she can handle this sort of stuff by herself.
Pretty sure the YTA are all trashy Americans that have loud sex around their kids 🤣
Look I’m American too so I wanna defend us but… you might be right.
Nta that’s disgusting and i wouldnt touch it either.
did she just call you a housekeeper??? gross
NTA
NTA. She can hire a housekeeper for that part or sleep in her jizz sheets for one night.
NTA. I would be embarrassed to leave my sex-stained sheets for anyone else to deal with.
NTA. It’s fair that she wants a clean house but you shouldn’t have to be cleaning up her room for her. You can clean the rest of the house, but you could have a deal where her bedroom is her responsibility.
NAH, I can see it from both perspectives.
A compromise could be that your mum/bf gets the sheets in the washing machine and you take it from there
NTA, Thats disgusting. You're also not a housekeeper in a hotel, you're her daughter.
NTA. I really don’t understand why some people here would state otherwise. That’s a reasonable boundary to have. Doesn’t matter who it is, no one wants to touch sexed up sheets. And you’re not a housekeeper. Those sheets are gross and I even find it disrespectful that people expect housekeepers to touch sheets that contain body fluids.
NTA. All these people here saying “your mom cleaned disgusting stuff off you when you were little” are weird people. You’re not just cleaning your mom’s possible fluids (which, still gross) but ALSO the fluids of some fckn rando your mom sees occasionally??
Tell her to put her sheets in the machine and you will handle the rest. If she said she would do it herself then that shouldn't be a problem. Personally id just put on gloves and do it.
My goodness.. the sheets aren’t going to jump out and smother you in bodily fluids. Most of the comments in here read like people that have attached so much taboo to the topic of sex. Your parents fuck. Your grandparents probably fuck too. And they don’t change those sheets every day. Hopefully you’re getting some too, so you can realize that you aren’t just sliming over everything like a slug.
I’d gladly trade my $3k mortgage for laundry duties.
At the same time, I wouldn’t turn my kids into Cinderella. They’d be responsible for cleaning up their own spaces, and most likely the common spaces while I’m gone. But if push came to shove I’d do that laundry and appreciate the thousands saved in my bank account every single month.
You're so bitter from paying rent that you'd try to normalize this shit. There's nothing wrong with OP or anyone else not wanting to wash some nasty ass bedding! She's her child, not her indentured servant! The mom can wash her own fucking sheets.
NTA OP. You already pay bills and clean the home. You're doing more than enough. Don't let your mom guilt trip you into this.
NTA. When she's home, just reset the expectations that before she leaves again, if she strips her bed and puts the sheets in the wash, then you can take it from there, since you won't be touching anything but clean sheets
Nta. Expecting you to clean her room and wash her sheets is already an overstep to me. Knowing she was getting her back blown out on them just makes it nasty.
NTA if I was your mother and knew this was the arrangement I would have stripped the bed and at the very least put them in a hamper or laundry basketso all you gotta do is dump the contents of the hamper/basket in the wash.
Tbh it just seems rude on mom's part to leave that for her kid. Gross.
NTA
I don't care what y'all think, I'm not cleaning sheets my parents had sex on wtf. She could have at least taken the sheets and put them in the washing machine herself, or if bf stayed over make him do it
NTA some of you have really weird (lack of) boundaries with your parents 😬
The fact that she brought up maids, shows she sees you that way. Good for you for refusing.
Those commenting YTA are either members, or future members, of those awful Facebook groups where parents/grandparents complain about not seeing their kids/grandkids.
"I've crossed all my kids boundaries, why don't they talk to me??"
Firm NTA, gross situation to be put in.
NTA, If you are not comfortable doing that, it's your decision. Either way you shouldn't end up with such a chore even if you're living for free at your mother's place. Instead do any other job. I highly doubt she'd do this job if she were at your place.
NTA. I'm appalled at the amount of commenters that don't see any issue with involving your kid in your sex life. It's wildly inappropriate and frankly it's disgusting. My mom didn't have boundaries with me in regards to her personal life and it really messed with our relationship. She isn't a teenager she's literally your mother and you shouldn't have to clean up after her sexual encounters. The fact that she isn't mortified by it says a lot.
NTA. That’s absolutely over the line to ask that of you. Holy fucking shit, I’d be mortified if a parent expected this of me. Not normal, OP. Good for you for standing your ground. Time to start making a plan to save and move out. This doesn’t sit well with me.
NTA. It seems like you’re happy to wash her sheets any other time, so it’s not that you’re against being helpful. You’re just uncomfortable, and that’s fine
NTA To those of you saying that it’s only fair cause the mom cleaned up after OP as a child and that they’re living there rent free I’d like you to consider this: A child needs to be taken care of and looked after and taught how to clean up after themselves and they learn that through seeing it done for them. Through examples shown by the parents. At a certain age OP knew how to care for themselves probably around young teen age or younger and started cleaning up after themselves or at least that’s how I learned. This “iou” stuff doesn’t make any sense because of this FACT, not opinion it is a fact that children need to be cared for, and cleaning up after them is considered care at least up until a certain age. Secondly, on the issue of rent. OP says that they started cleaning because they weren’t paying rent and felt like it was the least they could do at their mom’s request because she travels and wants the house clean coming home. If OP’s mom wants to charge rent instead that sounds like a somewhat viable option so long as rent isn’t atrocious but she would prefer a clean house. You can love your family and do them favors but there has to be boundaries and sexual fluids definitely fall under boundaries.
And children don't owe their parents for doing things parents are supposed to do.
NTA. It’s weird a parent expects their kid to clean up anything involving their sex life. Your mom should realize you are her kid before her housekeeper…
[removed]
That's fucking disgusting
NTA she can clean her own sheets
Can you ask her to remove the sheets before she leaves on her next trip? She can just pull them off and leave them at the foot of the bed.
NTA; my home is 8 people, and we all do our own laundry-- no matter the financial contribution or schedules.
NTA, even if shes letting you live there, shes your mom. you arent supposed to have to pay your parents rent lol. I agree with doing the chores to help, but she could at least stick then in the washer first.
"You live rent free, play with cum" is not an excuse at all especially when changing sheets is a favor and not done for money. "Grow up and do her laundry" while the mother couldve easily done it herself but somehow isnt immature for calling her kid a housekeeper and not being able to take care of her own shit. Who cares what ops mom did before? Its not ops fault the mom wanted a damn kid lmao
NTA and I'm so shocked at the people saying YTA... They all bring the same examples "oh she cleaned ur bed when you wet it as a child!" Yeah? As expected of a MOTHER? You literally sign up for that because it's your responsibility as a parent to care for your child (especially when they're young and literally can't control when they wet the bed/vomit)
Cleaning the bedsheets after your mother had sex on them is NOT something you should be expected to do. Caring for her when she's elderly & then possibly wets the bed is reasonable, but having sex and leaving the dirty sheets out is absolutely her responsibility.
As a mother I would feel absolutely weird if I were to let my child do that? I wouldn't leave them on in the first place.
NTA if she didn’t have time to put them in the washer, she could, at minimum, strip the bed and put the sheets in a hamper. It’s hers and the BFs body fluids. Unsanitary and just gross. Yes you could wear gloves but that doesn’t make it less gross. It’s like handling someone else’s used underwear.
NTA, you’re not a housekeeper and you’re not working for anybody else at home. If you do not feel comfortable that should be respected.
But you’re not a housekeeper, you’re her daughter. It’s about boundaries! Why would a Mom WANT their daughter to wash her dirty sex sheets?? NTA
Hell to the mf no am I EVER touching or changing my moms sex sheets that’s wild. 😭😭😭
People in the comments are wildly sensitive to sex imo. But I’ll just chalk it up to cultural differences and not weigh in. I do think a lot of you need to think back to all the gross shit your mothers cleaned up if you’re growing up, it’s also not like having sex sprayed bodily fluids all over the room. It’s really not different than sleeping naked. But I’m not American and I get different places think of sex differently.
It’s a mother’s job to mother the child she created. It’s not a child’s job to clean up the mother’s pleasure mess. Would you ask your kid to wash your cum sheets?
I hire cleaners to put on fresh sheets and I strip all the beds myself before they get here. So yeah, not unreasonable to ask her to strip her own bed. Also not unreasonable for her to charge you rent.
Strip the sheets, a small price to pay for free rent, especially in this economy.
House keepers get paid to clean sex stains if it bugged her that much she could throw them in the wash before she sets off
You’re an adult who pays nothing to live in a house by yourself most of the year. If I were you I’d put on some gloves and wash the sheets. If it makes you feel better, wash it twice. I’m not going to say Y T A because I totally get why you’re grossed out but you do need start adulting.
lol the upset comments made by individuals who are very obviously not self-sustaining, financially independent people who pay for their own housing, bills, insurance, food, etc.
The person who needs to start adulting is her mother, the grown ass woman who can't be bothered to clean her own sheets, that she dirtied herself.
She doesn’t even have to do it all… just get it in the damn washer before heading out.
Exactly, it would take a few moments tops to remove the sheets from the bed!
lots of people in these comments that want to be parents without being parents ..
NTA. I don’t know why everyone seems to be assuming you don’t do other things around the house to make up for living there rent-free. You don’t specify so I’m playing devil’s advocate here and assuming you’re taking care of the other chores. Just not changing your mom’s sex sheets.
As someone who has lived with their parents and heard them getting intimate and feeling grossed out about it, I understand why you wouldn’t want to touch her sheets. It’s incredibly awkward.
Geezus, your mom is beyond nasty. Leaving stained sheets for you to clean?
NTA, much like I dont have anybody else handle my underwear, I wouldn't expect anybody to handle my sheets with sperm and whatever else on them. There's a huge difference between the nasty cleaning obligations that come with having a child, and asking someone to handle your sheets post sex. Its pretty inappropriate that shes asking you to handle them not gonna lie. Its one thing to do adult shit as an adult in your house, its another to expect your child to clean up after your romp specifically.
NTA but only cause I personally wouldn't let any of my children be my personal housemaid just because they live at home rent free.
Before mom comes home, hire someone to wash the sheets. Easy 40 bucks. Heck, I'd do that, I've manhandled much worse than dried sex sheets.
I had no idea that I had a choice when growing up. One of my chores was to strip the beds. Since I have younger siblings, I assume my parents were having sex. Mom washed them and we all put our own cleans back on our beds. I just thought it was my chore/ my part of living with my parents/family. Huh, guess I could have said something back then but I might have been switched to cleaning the toilets.
NTA. Genuinely do not understand some of these comments saying its not big of a deal. Social media has really ran down sex from an intimate act to a random tuesday activity thanks to the onlyfans craze.
Like you guys are telling me its okay for your kid to know and HEAR youre having sex, and have them wash your sheet after?? Wtf is wrong with people...
Ask her to change your dirty sex sheets and see if she gets it then
So a couple of things, I don't think it is a big deal to clean the sheets. With that being said...I don't think it is right for her to get pissed and angry that you do not feel comfortable with it. Also she is an adult and presumably has had sex before. So she should have known the sheets might get a bit messy and accounted for that and through them in the washer. Also I hate that she equated you to a housekeeper. You are her daughter not her maid!
NTA
Can you two just come up with a different routine? Aka, she just strips the bed and puts them in a hamper when she leaves and you put on a new bedding?
Okay, not paying rent, maybe give her $100.+/month, but idc if you’re 30+, you’re still her child and family, and hopefully she realizes that first and foremost. Remind her that you do everything else without complaining, you just don’t want to do that. If she can’t let that go, she’s tah.
I mean.. NTA but you can just grab the corners of the sheet and drag them. I think youre honestly making a bigger deal out of the fluid thing than you need to.
Which is honestly weird to me bc you seem .. not cool but resigned to the fact you can hear your mother have sex... which is just worse imo. Its just simple courtesy to not announce your sex life to people you live with.
You are obviously at the disadvantage here with power but you could just ask your mom to strip thr bed and throw it in the hamper before she leaves in the future
NTA. My mom would never expect that of me, I would never want her to handle my dirty sheets either. People telling you to grow up are gross. "You're mom probably touch all kinds of your filthy clothes." Yeah that's her job as a parent raising a child. Its what you sign up for when you give birth. Me as an adult, am not gonna touch another adults love juice soaked sheets.
NTA. i refrain from even hugging my mom when i have to hear any nightly noises. touching their sheets? absolutely disgusting. people wouldn't expect roommates to clean each others nasty sheets, why expect a child to do that for their parent?
That is absolutely disgusting. Your mom has boundary issues. NTA
I think it’s a bit weird she expects you to change her bed to be honest. But I think you’re grossing yourself out about the sex thing. You touch far more gross things in a day if you go out in public, just wash your hands.
NTA. If she wants to bring up hotel housekeepers, then tell her she can start paying you for washing her shit.
NTA. You don't know that guy and what kind of diseases he could have. I wouldn't want to touch some strange man's dried leavings lol. Maybe with gloves but your mom could meet you in the middle and strip the bed, it only takes like a minute to do.
NTA... As someone who works in that line of work, trust me, we don't like doing it. Its really not all that difficult to gather the sheets herself and toss them in the washer before she leaves. You're her daughter, not her maid.
NTA
To lay it out- You don’t pay rent because you don’t make much money. You pay for goods and services(tv phone etc), your own medical care, car bills, and educational debts. You run errands for her often, keep the house clean, and doing her sheets is just an extra favor.
It’s wild that people are putting so much weight on the fact that she’s your mom or that “hotel staff do it.” Yeah, hotel staff have a job to do that they get paid for, they chose that job it’s not a “favor” to the general public. Kids don’t owe their parents anything. I’ve got two kids and if they need to stay with me to save money I don’t expect them to clean my bedroom, wash my sheets, and do my laundry because I’m an adult capable of doing all of that. I expect them to clean their rooms, pay for their own phones/cars, and either be working or getting an education. That’s it.
You take care of everything else while she’s away if she wants her sheets cleaned after they’ve had sex on them, she can put them into the washer herself. She could have even asked her bf to toss them into. You even said you’d do the rest of the process! It’s not an abnormal boundary to have and it’s ok to have boundaries with your parents.
NTA. She can easily strip the bed and throw them in the washing machine. Once they are in there, it sounds like you’d have no problem putting them in the dryer and back on the bed so she can arrive home to clean sheets.
The problem is a mother making her kid clean up an intimate mess, not the removing the sheets and wash them.
One thing is the cleaning of common areas in exchange for rent, but not your private mess. I would be embarrassed not only knowing my kid has to hear me having sex with a stranger and on top of that forcing the kid to clean it up.
It’s not right, to me is borderline mental abuse, pushing a boundary and disregarding the other person feelings.
NTA. At all. I am sorry you have to deal with a selfish parent that thinks that providing a place to live gives them the right to treat you that way.
NTA.
However I am hung up on the part where you are being compared to a hotel housekeeper. Maybe the two of you need to actually write out your expectations of living together? It sounds like she expects a live in maid, and you expect chores.
NTJ
Most housekeepers will make the bed, but will only put on new sheets if you leave clean ones on the bed. If she wants to compare you with a hotel housekeeper then that's the way to roll with it. Also, they get paid.
I also want to say that it is so very kind of you to make sure that when she gets home she has a comfortable space. It shows to me that you appreciate her working and providing a comfortable home, and you are doing the same.
NTA- I cant believe some weirdos are calling you the asshole for not wanting touch your parentals sex sheets like. Some people clearly dont respect boundaries and believe others arent entitled to have any and should just deal with whatever & thats not okay. The effort that goes into sex is much more effort than what wouldve required her to take the sheets off, throw it in the wash, and ask you to run it. Its that simple & people who are trying to make it something its not in this thread are very.... odd. & some of yall need help lmao the lackadaisical way you all expect OP to be ok with touching a strangers & their parents prior sex surfaces is borderline creepy... as fuck. OP has had no problem cleaning the sheets outside of that so mom couldve EASILY met their child half way and showed their child what someone respecting their boundaries & compromising looks like. Even seeing comments like " well she can get out with all 10 toes" is very weird... you'd put your child out for not wanting to wash your sex stained sheets? okay you weird freaky frog way to teach bad parenting 101.
Hell to the mf no am I EVER touching or changing my moms sex sheets that’s wild. 😭😭😭
Info. How old are you?
NTA. All your reasoning is pretty sound. Do the sheets this time with the caveat that next time she should put the dirty sheets in the laundry machine when she leaves and you can dry them and put them back on the bed.
NTA.
When you live with other adults, related or not, you take care of your own things and help with shared things, like cleaning the kitchen, the floors, a shared bathroom.
I live with my adult kids and they do their own laundry and take care of their own food.
Sure, you can help each other out more than if you aren't related, but that's crossing a line.
NTA
NTA, does your mom only have one set of sheets? She can come home and strip her bed herself and put on the new sheets. Would take maybe five minutes if she's slow.
NTA. All of you in the comments expecting OP to clean someone else's sex sheets are nuts. If you have sex, you clean it up. That's part of having sex. No one else should have to deal with that unless they are getting paid to and have the training and PPE. OP should not be expected to do that.
Frankly, I find it gross that Mom can't even strip the sheets and start a load herself. Takes all of two minutes. Mom is fine with semen and who knows what else sheets just hanging out on her bed until OP wakes up/does laundry? Gross.
NTA, I would NEVER expect my kid (regardless of age) to wash my post sex sheets.
NTA, but you do need to state your boundaries clearly.