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NTA-
The core issue is betrayal, not money.
You owe no one eight tabs—your generosity was a choice for one person, not a mandate for the group of moochers.
Your boyfriend failed you completely. He allowed his friend to yell aggressively at you and then agreed that you should pay. His focus on you being "disrespectful" is deflection.
Do not apologize to the friend. Your boyfriend should be defending you, not demanding you appease the person who yelled at you. His priorities are backwards.
Consider that the "ick" is a valid feeling that he showed you his true colors when put under pressure from his friends.
He said it isn’t fair to single out everyone by paying for one person
You know who whines that something isn't fair? 4 year olds.
starts listing guys who “forgot their wallets” or don’t have enough money.
A bunch of people conveniently "forgot their wallets"? Sure... good thing they weren't carded.
My boyfriend talked to me the morning after and said I disrespected him infront of his friends and leaving in the middle of a conversation was not fair to him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong. But the other possibility exists that he doesn’t agree with her and that’s why he’s wrongly siding with his buddies on this.
However, I recognize that we’re only getting one side of the story here too. She was admittedly wasted, so she could have been belligerent and out of line with the way she talked to people too - we can’t know.
deleted my other reply because it made no sense but dude if you had read the post you can see I didn’t speak a word to anyone. i was drunk yea but how could i been belligerent if I didn’t speak, only to say I was not arguing and leaving. also you can assume what his side is but you’ll find none of the posts on this subreddit have the other side so idk what to say for that.
Belligerence isn’t only speaking, so you’re aware. I read your entire post.
I was actually agreeing with you that your boyfriend seems to be in the wrong, but apparently you didn’t comprehend the first sentence in my post.
I will always remain skeptical of something when we’re only getting one side of it. Until someone has had the chance to rebut the statements made about them, I will usually try to hold off on complete judgement.
I know. That’s why I’m often a bit at odds with some of the stronger opinions in these subs.
People get really upset and feel absolute in their opinions on something when they’re only getting half the story and it’s often pretty easy to see where they’re leaving out some parts that might not be so flattering for their case. I have a tendency to see both sides in things.
I dunno. I’m not a 20 something year old kid, so I know with certainty that things are not black and white in this world. Life is one big mess of differing shades of grey.
Edit: this sub is for entertainment and people to gang up on others - OP, or their enemy in the post, or someone in the comments - they just wanna pile on and call someone an asshole. I get it. Today I will be the asshole, I guess. Lemme have it😂
I will always remain skeptical of something when we’re only getting one side of it.
As a thought experiment, what circumstance would make it okay for girlfriend to pay for boyfriend's friend tab at a bar when bf's friend demanded the payment? Like what additional information would make OP an AH?
Also, let's stick to realm of plausible. Skepticism is a great trait to have but it needs to be plausible.
You are surrounded by a bunch of entitled sponges that aren't your friends. Why are all of the guys treating you girls. you have the right to treat who you want especially those who are fun to be around.
NTA, you should break up with your boyfriend for having no respect for you and allowing his friends to shout at you and talk shit about you in private without defending you. it's just red flags, you deserve better
honestly his friends sound like mooches expecting u to cover their drinks all the time. totally fair to set boundaries about your money, especially as a student!
NTA. Your bf is acting like a child throwing a tantrum. His loser friend's bar tab isn't your problem. If they don't have money to cover their tab they shouldn't be out drinking. Dump his broke ass.
You were being generous to someone who was good company, so now you're obligated to pay for everyone else in the group, and your boyfriend is in agreement with that?
You’re NTA for not paying for other people’s drinks if you don’t want to pay for other people’s drinks. Your boyfriend should be defending you in this. You need to consider this relationship and figure out if you want to continue it or not.
No real man would insist you pay for anyone! That's just plain wrong!!! As for the rest of the guys, they're toddlers wanting to force a grownup to pay for their treats. Please move on from this group. This fake man is not worthy of you! I know you'll find someone else that will really treasure you and treat you as a partner, not as a wallet.
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throwaway account for this one !
I 19f, and my boyfriend 22m like going out often whether on dates or friend outings. I recently moved cities so our friends are all his friends. Im close with a couple girls in the group and the guys are alright most of the time. We mostly have a big problem because his guy friends often try to make my boyfriend pay for everything, and if not my boyfriend their girlfriends.
About a week and a bit ago me and my boyfriend went out with these friends and only one of the girlfriends could come out. So me and this girl get really drunk and i pay for both our drinks because she was good company and I had lots of fun, and I had extra money on me. We go to leave and her boyfriend says she doesn’t have a charge on her card and did she pay for her drinks. She tells him I paid. He proceeds to get incredibly angry yelling to my bf that I never pay for everyone so why’d I just spend that much on drinks for her and I should pay for everyone since im feeling generous. The girl tried to tell her bf to calm down and I was being nice, and I shouldn’t be forced to pay for him. but then mt boyfriend started agreeing. This got me incredibly pissed.
He said it isn’t fair to single out everyone by paying for one person and starts listing guys who “forgot their wallets” or don’t have enough money. I told him im not talking to him right now as it was extremely loud in that place and we were all having to yell over the noise and I wasn’t arguing in public. Also I was incredibly wasted. So me and the girl walk out the club and got our uber and dipped. My boyfriend talked to me the morning after and said I disrespected him infront of his friends and leaving in the middle of a conversation was not fair to him.
My side was that he tried to demand i pay for eight of his guy friends who have never shouted me anything before and let his friend yell at me as a man yelling at a woman. I said there should be no situation where a man gets aggressive with me over anything and he defends that. His side is basically that I spoke defensively to the guy who was worried about his tab.
He is telling me to message the guy and make it right because the guy is talking shit about me in their group chat. told him he should be defending me instead of acting like this guys bitch instead of defending his woman and im actually getting the ick from him behaving like this. He’s extremely upset and saying I disrespected him and am refusing to see his side and his friends agree. Hes also upset because I said im getting the ick after we’ve been dating for a year and hes angry im using “TikTok language” to refer to a very serious relationship instead of communicating and trying to see where hes coming from.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I do get very defensive about things and I know in every conversation it’s hard for me to communicate because I get irritated so quickly and I just go to telling him im not talking about it again because I said my piece and thats that and that I did not need to pay for a grown ass man but seeing how hes reacting to it and the way he talks about it is really making me rethink it. We have had situations before where I get upset before we can properly communicate in arguments and he can’t get his point across fully because I just get angry and shut the conversation down and he gets upset because he can’t explain how he felt and stuff.
NTA. But who goes out drinking expecting someone else to pay? These people sound like users not friends. I've never expected my friends to pay for my drinks and neither do they expect me to pay for theirs. We do take turns when paying for meals but that happens organically not on a schedule.
He is probably not the one for you as he's more concerned with how his bros think than how you're treated. Still a boy and you deserve a grown a** man.
Think long and hard about whether you want this to repeat regularly. If he’s this disrespectful now, it’s not going to get any better. His friends and his reputation with them (and they don’t sound like good guys) than it is in standing up for you or showing that he cares about you - in public and in group chats. He cares what they think. He does not care at all about what you think.
NTA - you are not obligated to pay for anyone but yourself. You had a good time and was generous to whom you had a good time with, that was nice!
Your bf should have your back instead of being a cheapskate. His buddies shouldn't be out drinking if they can't afford to pay for themselves.
If he had such a problem with it, he can pay for his own friends.
It sounds like you need to find a better bf and friend group. Your bf and his friends sound incredibly immature.
NTA you have to run away from this man. This is how the rest of your life is going to be, he will never have your back. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a doormat, a doormat with cash. DO NOT move in with him or you will be stuck paying all the bills. Please dump him ASAP.
Nta… look people should go out and plan on paying for themselves… i don’t understand why your hopefully soon to be ex bf is being this way… you paying for her was nice but not necessary. I really don’t understand this dynamic as me and my bestie take turns buying meals, me and my sister both fight to pay the bills. My fiancé and I split fairly and my finances friends all pay for themselves… this is a strange dynamic your bf has
Story should’ve ended with your boyfriend’s buddy yelling at you cause your boyfriend should’ve stuck up for you then and there.
Also if someone doesn’t have their wallet or enough money to go out… then they shouldn’t be going out. It’s not your responsibility or any one else’s to cover someone else’s tab. Generosity should never be expected.
Completely disrespectful.
YTA - you totally got that others guys girl drunk and showed him up by paying for her drinks and then you got to take her home to boot at the end of the night! Forget these boys and keep their women for yourself! But never apologize when you have more game than a whole group of boys.
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NTA- The core issue is betrayal, not money. You owe no one eight tabs—your generosity was a choice for one person, not a mandate for the group of moochers. Your boyfriend failed you completely. He allowed his friend to yell aggressively at you and then agreed that you should pay. His focus on you being "disrespectful" is deflection. Do not apologize to the friend. Your boyfriend should be defending you, not demanding you appease the person who yelled at you. His priorities are backwards. Consider that the "ick" is a valid feeling that he showed you his true colors when put under pressure from his friends.
This comment sums it up so well. The behavior is very little about the money and so much about your boyfriend not having your back.
Shoot he doesn't even have a spine to call his own, let alone anybody else's back.
He shouldn’t be a boyfriend after this!
If bf's friend was worried about his tab, he shouldn't have run it up.
Why is said friend checking his gfs card? Why is same friend shouting at op? Why is op's bf not defending her?
Time to get a new bf with new friends.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to pay his tab with the gfs card and there wasn't enough money on it. That's why he knew.
Pretty obvious you're NTA
You know who whines that something isn't fair? 4 year olds.
A bunch of people conveniently "forgot their wallets"? Sure... good thing they weren't carded.
WTF is he smoking?
Dump this asshole and his parasitic friends.
Eewe dump him
NTA. In the era of bank transfers and apps, nobody can use the excuse of forgetting their wallet.
At least you now know where you stand, with your boyfriend and his friends.
Ooof girl leave he can’t even think for himself
I’m not saying you’re wrong. But the other possibility exists that he doesn’t agree with her and that’s why he’s wrongly siding with his buddies on this.
However, I recognize that we’re only getting one side of the story here too. She was admittedly wasted, so she could have been belligerent and out of line with the way she talked to people too - we can’t know.
deleted my other reply because it made no sense but dude if you had read the post you can see I didn’t speak a word to anyone. i was drunk yea but how could i been belligerent if I didn’t speak, only to say I was not arguing and leaving. also you can assume what his side is but you’ll find none of the posts on this subreddit have the other side so idk what to say for that.
Belligerence isn’t only speaking, so you’re aware. I read your entire post.
I was actually agreeing with you that your boyfriend seems to be in the wrong, but apparently you didn’t comprehend the first sentence in my post.
I will always remain skeptical of something when we’re only getting one side of it. Until someone has had the chance to rebut the statements made about them, I will usually try to hold off on complete judgement.
“try to hold off on complete judgment” on the judgement subreddit. can you get real lmao.
this sub is literally us only getting one person’s point of view and judging the situation based off that.
I know. That’s why I’m often a bit at odds with some of the stronger opinions in these subs.
People get really upset and feel absolute in their opinions on something when they’re only getting half the story and it’s often pretty easy to see where they’re leaving out some parts that might not be so flattering for their case. I have a tendency to see both sides in things.
I dunno. I’m not a 20 something year old kid, so I know with certainty that things are not black and white in this world. Life is one big mess of differing shades of grey.
Edit: this sub is for entertainment and people to gang up on others - OP, or their enemy in the post, or someone in the comments - they just wanna pile on and call someone an asshole. I get it. Today I will be the asshole, I guess. Lemme have it😂
As a thought experiment, what circumstance would make it okay for girlfriend to pay for boyfriend's friend tab at a bar when bf's friend demanded the payment? Like what additional information would make OP an AH?
Also, let's stick to realm of plausible. Skepticism is a great trait to have but it needs to be plausible.
Make him your ex boyfriend, he is being ridiculous.
NTA Never pay anyone tab. If you can’t afford to go out don’t go out. Your bf and his friends can get fuc*** sounds like he’s only with you for money.
NTA
You are surrounded by a bunch of entitled sponges that aren't your friends. Why are all of the guys treating you girls. you have the right to treat who you want especially those who are fun to be around.
Geez. Why are you even with your boyfriend? He and his guy friends are jerks. They seriously expect you to pick up everyone's tab?
NTA
NTA, you should break up with your boyfriend for having no respect for you and allowing his friends to shout at you and talk shit about you in private without defending you. it's just red flags, you deserve better
NTA. Please update us when you Dump his Sorry Ass.
honestly his friends sound like mooches expecting u to cover their drinks all the time. totally fair to set boundaries about your money, especially as a student!
Why are broke losers going out for drinks and expecting other people to pay for then?
NTA
NTA If his friend was so worried about his tab maybe he shouldn't drink so much or not order rounds if he doesn't have enough money. The gall. Lol
NTA. Your bf is acting like a child throwing a tantrum. His loser friend's bar tab isn't your problem. If they don't have money to cover their tab they shouldn't be out drinking. Dump his broke ass.
WTF is wrong with these people?
Is he listening to himself? Lmao
High school energy.
You were being generous to someone who was good company, so now you're obligated to pay for everyone else in the group, and your boyfriend is in agreement with that?
Why are these people a part of your life?
You’re NTA for not paying for other people’s drinks if you don’t want to pay for other people’s drinks. Your boyfriend should be defending you in this. You need to consider this relationship and figure out if you want to continue it or not.
Lmao please dump his ass.
Is this really the kind of people you want in your life?
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No real man would insist you pay for anyone! That's just plain wrong!!! As for the rest of the guys, they're toddlers wanting to force a grownup to pay for their treats. Please move on from this group. This fake man is not worthy of you! I know you'll find someone else that will really treasure you and treat you as a partner, not as a wallet.
The number of times I have gone out in my life and 'forgot' my wallet and needed someone else to pay: ZERO.
Also, if this group is between 19 and about 22 they would all need ID to be served alcohol - so how could 'forget their wallets'?
Ew.
AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT - MAKE SURE TO CHECK ALL YOUR DMS. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
throwaway account for this one !
I 19f, and my boyfriend 22m like going out often whether on dates or friend outings. I recently moved cities so our friends are all his friends. Im close with a couple girls in the group and the guys are alright most of the time. We mostly have a big problem because his guy friends often try to make my boyfriend pay for everything, and if not my boyfriend their girlfriends.
About a week and a bit ago me and my boyfriend went out with these friends and only one of the girlfriends could come out. So me and this girl get really drunk and i pay for both our drinks because she was good company and I had lots of fun, and I had extra money on me. We go to leave and her boyfriend says she doesn’t have a charge on her card and did she pay for her drinks. She tells him I paid. He proceeds to get incredibly angry yelling to my bf that I never pay for everyone so why’d I just spend that much on drinks for her and I should pay for everyone since im feeling generous. The girl tried to tell her bf to calm down and I was being nice, and I shouldn’t be forced to pay for him. but then mt boyfriend started agreeing. This got me incredibly pissed.
He said it isn’t fair to single out everyone by paying for one person and starts listing guys who “forgot their wallets” or don’t have enough money. I told him im not talking to him right now as it was extremely loud in that place and we were all having to yell over the noise and I wasn’t arguing in public. Also I was incredibly wasted. So me and the girl walk out the club and got our uber and dipped. My boyfriend talked to me the morning after and said I disrespected him infront of his friends and leaving in the middle of a conversation was not fair to him.
My side was that he tried to demand i pay for eight of his guy friends who have never shouted me anything before and let his friend yell at me as a man yelling at a woman. I said there should be no situation where a man gets aggressive with me over anything and he defends that. His side is basically that I spoke defensively to the guy who was worried about his tab.
He is telling me to message the guy and make it right because the guy is talking shit about me in their group chat. told him he should be defending me instead of acting like this guys bitch instead of defending his woman and im actually getting the ick from him behaving like this. He’s extremely upset and saying I disrespected him and am refusing to see his side and his friends agree. Hes also upset because I said im getting the ick after we’ve been dating for a year and hes angry im using “TikTok language” to refer to a very serious relationship instead of communicating and trying to see where hes coming from.
AITA?, any advice is welcome. thanks
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NTA. But who goes out drinking expecting someone else to pay? These people sound like users not friends. I've never expected my friends to pay for my drinks and neither do they expect me to pay for theirs. We do take turns when paying for meals but that happens organically not on a schedule.
He is probably not the one for you as he's more concerned with how his bros think than how you're treated. Still a boy and you deserve a grown a** man.
NTA
Think long and hard about whether you want this to repeat regularly. If he’s this disrespectful now, it’s not going to get any better. His friends and his reputation with them (and they don’t sound like good guys) than it is in standing up for you or showing that he cares about you - in public and in group chats. He cares what they think. He does not care at all about what you think.
Wow. You’re not an ATM and your BF’s buddy is sure acting like an entitled AH.
NTA but your BF and all his friends in the group chat sure are.
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NTA - you are not obligated to pay for anyone but yourself. You had a good time and was generous to whom you had a good time with, that was nice!
Your bf should have your back instead of being a cheapskate. His buddies shouldn't be out drinking if they can't afford to pay for themselves. If he had such a problem with it, he can pay for his own friends.
It sounds like you need to find a better bf and friend group. Your bf and his friends sound incredibly immature.
NTA move on from this toxic follower.
NTA you have to run away from this man. This is how the rest of your life is going to be, he will never have your back. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants a doormat, a doormat with cash. DO NOT move in with him or you will be stuck paying all the bills. Please dump him ASAP.
Nta… look people should go out and plan on paying for themselves… i don’t understand why your hopefully soon to be ex bf is being this way… you paying for her was nice but not necessary. I really don’t understand this dynamic as me and my bestie take turns buying meals, me and my sister both fight to pay the bills. My fiancé and I split fairly and my finances friends all pay for themselves… this is a strange dynamic your bf has
Story should’ve ended with your boyfriend’s buddy yelling at you cause your boyfriend should’ve stuck up for you then and there. Also if someone doesn’t have their wallet or enough money to go out… then they shouldn’t be going out. It’s not your responsibility or any one else’s to cover someone else’s tab. Generosity should never be expected. Completely disrespectful.
YTA - you totally got that others guys girl drunk and showed him up by paying for her drinks and then you got to take her home to boot at the end of the night! Forget these boys and keep their women for yourself! But never apologize when you have more game than a whole group of boys.
NTA. I don't u Der stand why u are still dating ur bf.
Where do you live that your 19-yo self was able to buy and drink alcohol?
australia, the legal drinking age is 18 here