I have a close friend, “Jay,” who’s an up and coming artist. I’ve supported him from the very beginning emotionally, financially, physically (this part matters). Whenever he was stressed, touring, or burnt out from studio sessions, I gave him massages for free. Not once or twice. For months. I never complained because I genuinely believed in him and his career. Recently, Jay landed a big concert, his first major one and I was genuinely proud of him. During one of our conversations, he casually said something like, “Don’t worry, you’ll be there.” I took that as him saying I’d get a ticket. I didn’t ask for VIP, backstage, or anything extra. Just a regular ticket so I could support him like I always had. Fast forward to a week before the concert. I asked what time I should come so I could plan my day. That’s when Jay said, “Oh, you still need to buy your ticket.” I was a little shocked,I told him I thought he meant he was giving me a ticket. He immediately got defensive and said I was “feeling entitled” and that “real friends don’t ask artists for free tickets.” That stung, especially considering I’d given him services that usually cost good money, completely free, for a long time. I calmly explained that this wasn’t about entitlement, but about a misunderstanding and feeling unappreciated. He doubled down and said he was offended that I even brought it up and that tickets were “tight.”(ps; he got 8 free tickets)At that point, I told him I wouldn’t be able to attend the concert at all, and I also wouldn’t be offering free massages anymore. I said I wasn’t angry, just setting boundaries. Now he’s telling mutual friends that I tried to “pressure” him and that I’m being petty and unsupportive right when his career is taking off. Some of them agree with him, others think he took advantage of my generosity.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, sadly it sounds like you were a friend of convince and Jay was abusing your generous nature. Im guessing he used those 8 free tickets to impress a new group of friends hes going to try and manipulate.
NTA. stopping free massages mean not supporting the "struggling" artist? Lol. Now he knows the extra step that you helped him. And feels entitled to it. Now who's the entitled "friend".
NTA,
Who else wouldn't take this as a "I'll get you a ticket"? Because it's a weird thing to say to someone when you expect them to buy a ticket. How else would he know if you were able to get ticket for sure if it was a big concert?
I think it could be likely that he planned to give you one but he either changed his mind or promised others in the mean time.
He's still extremely ungrateful though: if he doesnt believe friends should give each others freebies every now and then, you're right to cancel your own favours to him
Who tf is getting the 8 tickets too? It's not like he only got one and really wanted his mom to be there. If people don't prioritize you, you have every right to not prioritize them.
Maybe 8 family members? That said it shouldn't really matter. If they are not enough to include OP, after everything OP has done for him, he should have just given OP a ticket he bought as a nice gesture for all that OP has done for him.
You do not have a close friend named Jay. He’s an AH.
NTA
NTA. It might be worth asking him what he thought you were supposed to understand when he said, “don't worry, you'll be there.” How was that supposed to indicate to you that you should go buy a ticket?
I would also maybe have a gentle conversation with him about how he is telling you that real friends don't ask artists for free tickets and yet he had no problem as your friend getting free massages, I’d ask him if he understands that there's a double standard there.
NTA. Regardless of the situation, he worded it like he was making sure you would have entry. Saying “don’t worry you’ll be there” is insinuating that he is giving you the ticket
NTA - he absolutely took advantage of you and tried to deflect attention away from it by blaming you.
NTA
Jay is an asshole
Nta.
Sounds like Jay just used you
You do not have a close friend named Jay. You had a mooching acquaintance named Jay.
NTA. Sounds like your "friend" was never much of a friend and just used you, if he is so pissed over your reaction.
And you also said that you also supported him financially. So maybe even something else than the free massages? Though of course usually massages are really expensive.
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I have a close friend, “Jay,” who’s an up and coming artist. I’ve supported him from the very beginning emotionally, financially, physically (this part matters). Whenever he was stressed, touring, or burnt out from studio sessions, I gave him massages for free. Not once or twice. For months. I never complained because I genuinely believed in him and his career. Recently, Jay landed a big concert, his first major one and I was genuinely proud of him. During one of our conversations, he casually said something like, “Don’t worry, you’ll be there.” I took that as him saying I’d get a ticket. I didn’t ask for VIP, backstage, or anything extra. Just a regular ticket so I could support him like I always had. Fast forward to a week before the concert. I asked what time I should come so I could plan my day. That’s when Jay said, “Oh, you still need to buy your ticket.” I was a little shocked,I told him I thought he meant he was giving me a ticket. He immediately got defensive and said I was “feeling entitled” and that “real friends don’t ask artists for free tickets.” That stung, especially considering I’d given him services that usually cost good money, completely free, for a long time. I calmly explained that this wasn’t about entitlement, but about a misunderstanding and feeling unappreciated. He doubled down and said he was offended that I even brought it up and that tickets were “tight.”(ps; he got 8 free tickets)At that point, I told him I wouldn’t be able to attend the concert at all, and I also wouldn’t be offering free massages anymore. I said I wasn’t angry, just setting boundaries. Now he’s telling mutual friends that I tried to “pressure” him and that I’m being petty and unsupportive right when his career is taking off. Some of them agree with him, others think he took advantage of my generosity.
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omg you literally supported his whole career with free massages and he can't even hook you up with one ticket?? that's not a friend that's someone using you sis.
Nta. Im sorry you should've been charging him the whole time.
NTA. I could see how "You'll be there" would be taken that way too - I don't really see how else you would take it. Buy a ticket for the experience of being at his first big gig if you want to, but only if you want to do it for you, not him.
I don't know if this will be relevant to your friend, but I had a friend who got a big break and he totally changed. We (old friends from before) weren't part of the new lifestyle, weren't needed and he didn't have time for us. I tried to warn him re "what happens when it all goes wrong" but it fell on deaf ears.
I hope this isn't what's happening here with your friend, but I feel it might be. All you can do is decide how much effort you're prepared to invest in this friendship regardless of tickets, massages etc. - just being friends who hang out, call one another etc. I think it will be quite easy to figure out if he's "ditching the old" or not, and you can go from there.
Here's what I would say: "Jay, congratulations. I'm glad I could help. And now I'm done. See ya."
NTA. He was undervaluing you, thinking that what you do is manual labor and worth less than the "creative" stuff he does. He absolutely felt entitled to your services and support, but feels he's on a different level so a ticket to his thing is supposedly more valuable that what you have been doing. He's definitely the asshole in this situation and you need to value yourself more and not do a single thing more for him until he acknowledged how great you've been to him and that what you have been do does in fact have value which should be reciprocated by him on some level.
NTA. Your friend isn't that much of a friend.
NTA heck with that kind of false friendship
ESH You screwed yourself. You can't do things to 'help' and then complain when you don't get compensated for it. He should have provided a ticket anyway.
NTA. Maybe he didn't have access to complimentary tickets. He should have bought you a ticket, if necessary.
JFC this sub is ridiculous
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