I’m on my second marriage. In my first marriage I had two daughters. Their father is still very much in their lives. No kids with the second marriage. My second husband made a mother’s ring that included mine, his, and my two daughter’s birthstones. I’m now getting divorced again. Second husband is requesting the mother’s ring back. Frankly, I won’t wear the ring again, but thought I could take the stones (minus his) and make into a necklace. And I really just don’t want to give it back and being petty, give in to his request. He hasn’t stated why he wants it back. I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings). But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back. WIBTA if I didn’t return anything else?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. A gift is a gift. The only one that’s not truly a gift legally is an engagement ring, and for that different jurisdictions have different laws. But any other jewelry given to you was an unconditional gift that’s yours to keep.
ETA: asking for all jewelry he’s ever given you back is petty AF. You don’t have to do it. Obviously you’ll be negotiating assets in the divorce and may ultimately choose to, but you had zero moral or legal obligation to do so.
ETA2: Unless you're a family law expert familiar with the laws of every possible jurisdiction as they may affect engagement rings, please stop with the AkShuAlLy comments re: engagement rings and re-read what I said. "Different jurisdictions have different laws." this is a factually correct statement, and yes, there are circumstances and jurisdictions where an engagement ring remains a conditional gift even after marriage. I don't know why people feel so strongly about this statement that they feel the need to make a million factually incorrect comments downthread, especially as it in no way affects the OP.
Even an engagement ring becomes her property once the engagement is "fulfilled", as it were, and they are married. The only legal situation where a man might legitimately ask for it to be returned is if the engagement is broken. In this particular situation, he has no legal or ethical right anywhere to ask for its return.
In some jurisdictions, family heirloom rings are an exception to this rule and are ordered to be returned if the marriage breaks down.
But the Mother's ring isn't a family heirloom, it's a regular gift, and almost all jurisdictions will allow her to keep it. She's also not morally in the wrong for keeping it IMO.
Yeah, I didn't include heirlooms because I was addressing this specific situation, so it didn't apply. But yes, you're correct that family heirlooms may also be required to be returned, depending on the jurisdiction. I should probably have noted that.
For engagement rings, some jurisdictions do award it back to the husband, and especially so for family heirlooms. But for anything else, I am unaware of any similar law.
The engagement ring is only a conditional gift until you get married. While it’s nice to return family heirloom rings, she was under no legal obligation do so since they got married and the condition was full-filled. This is why some people save those rings for female relatives instead of spouses of male children
In some jurisdictions, family heirloom rings are an exception to this rule and are ordered to be returned if the marriage breaks down.
But the Mother's ring isn't a family heirloom, it's a regular gift, and almost all jurisdictions will allow her to keep it. She's also not morally in the wrong for keeping it IMO.
Are they ordered to be returned without proof that this was part of the arrangement when the ring was given? Because most jurisdictions I have seen say an heirloom given as a conditional gift is still a gift once the condition has been met. This is why people typically have prenups to cover these sorts of things.
To make the classic law school joke....... "it depends". It depends on the jurisdiction and can also depend on the value of the ring, what is contained in the prenup, how long the piece has been in the family of origin, a judges mood haha.
Actually she was already married so that was hers to keep as well, she would only have to return it if she cancelled the engagement. Gifts are gifts. Kudos to her for returning the family heirlooms, but the mothers ring is definitely hers & STBexH is being spiteful.
Exactly this. If he wants the rings back, he can bargain for them in the divorce proceedings.
I’d tell him to kick rocks barefoot, unless it got me something huge that I wanted far more than het him a lot to give up. That’s a really egregious ask, to request returning every jewelry gift given over the course of the marriage. He knows he has no leg to stand on with that, it’s just a big eff you.
Reddit whataboutism! Ain't it fun!?
Well, actually... it's technically, in most jurisdictions... Uhm, not fun. Legally speaking, of course. But everyone's entitled to an opinion, I suppose.
LOL 😂
Do not give anything back that was a gift. It was very kind of you to return the family rings.
Returning the family rings was not just "kind;" it was the only right thing to do.
The rest of it belongs to OP.
Yeah, totally agree, family rings (or any family heirlooms for that matter) you give back, that's the right thing to do. It's still kind to do the right thing.
I would suggest to OP to sit down with her ex and talk about her proposal to give his stone back and make a necklace of the others. He might just agree after a friendly request and then no one needs to be the 'petty one'.
That compromise is a nice idea, but that he’s demanding the return of a ring that’s totally useless to him — since 3/4 of the stones are for OP and her daughters from her previous marriage — he’s already being completely petty and probably just wants to deprive OP.
This could be a good compromise if she returns the ring and his stone, because the metal of the ring is probably worth more than the stones anyway. Idk though is OP really going to want to wear the necklace after all this fuss. Sounds like bad juju.
Unless it was a substantial ring, it’s unlikely the metal is worth much. The ave woman’s ring has 1-7 grams of metal. If it’s a 7 gram ring you’d be looking at over 700 (for gold) but if it’s 1 gram, unless he needs it to buy groceries, he’s being ridiculous.
Gifts are just that, gifts. The giver shouldn’t expect them back when the relationship runs its course.
It was a gift that had nothing to do with the marriage despite the fact that the guy put his birthstone in alongside children he has no biological connection to and whoes father is active in their lives.
I would have been dubious at the time but would not be giving it back now
NTA.
It was a gift. It belongs to you. You are under zero obligation to give it back - or any of the other jewelry he gave you.
I think it is good you gave any family heirlooms back but otherwise, nope. It is yours. Just as if he gave you any books as a present they would be yours. Jewelry is no different.
Ugh… he really has no businesses asking for all those “gifts” back. What he gifted you is yours. He can’t take those back just because his feelings are hurt. Heirlooms is understandable, but gifts are not returned in divorces.
The ring was a gift and is your personal property. He doesn't get it back.
He gave you the ring as a gift, so he has no ownership over it, and therefore cannot force you to "give it back". He'd have no legal standing either to try and force you, because gifts are just that, gifts. You give someone something for them to now own, he didn't lend it to you.
Your idea of the necklace sounds wonderful, so I'd do that! 🥰 Then, if you wanted, you could always give the remnants back to him. Though i'd hazard a guess that it wouldn't go down too well, but then my petty ass would find great pleasure in that! 😅
Regardless, you're NTA. It isn't his property, so he can't ask for it "back".
ETA - Him asking for all the jewellery he ever gave you, is petty as hell, and also him probably trying to screw you over with assets in your divorce. Jewellery can be worth a decent amount, depending on the quality.
I wouldn't give anything back unless you have sat down with your divorce lawyers and worked out who gets what, but even then, I don't know if jewellery he GIFTED you would automatically be counted in that. It's like you gifting him a belt or cuff links, then demanding you get them in the divorce.. It's beyond pathetic and just vindictive, cause you would likely not use them. Plus, I'd have thought that you'd split mutual assets, not more personal things like jewellery. Personally i'd rope things like that in with things like my clothes and stuff.
But hey, I've never been divorced, and don't know a huge amount about the legal side. 🤷🏻♀️ So just take my thoughts with a pinch of salt! Just be sure to get a lawyer to sign off before relinquishing anything.
I could understand a heirloom but everything else ? Naw. Especially if it was something with my children's stones one
Divorcee here who went through a 2 1/2 year long divorce and learned way more about the legal system than ever intended. It depends on state laws and how long they were married how items are divided. Depending on the value the ring could be seen as an asset and the value would then have to be determined and divided as would an item purchased during the marriage to determine asset or debt. Everything, down to the forks and spoons should be itemized, valued, and divided.
Jewelry loses pretty much all value once bought. At most you'll get the metal and stones out of it. The only real exceptions to this are the kind of stuff you'd find in museums and are worth millions.
If I read that correctly, it's a Mother's ring. Not his Mother's ring. A ring given to her that, symbolizes his wife, stepdaughters and him. If he wants to be boorish about it, maybe he can ask for his stone back. But its a gift and it belongs to her. It's not a family heirloom that he doesn't want to belong to anyone who is not "family" anymore. Do not give it back. It was a nice gift. And its pretty ungentalmanly of him to ask for it back.
This is possibly the easiest NTA I have ever given here.
His reasons for wanting it back are utterly irrelevant. He has zero legal or ethical right to jewelry (or anything else) that he gave you as a gift. That is not how giving gifts works.
That he wants it is of no consequence or meaning. I want someone to give me a billion dollars; doesn't mean I'm entitled to it.
While there may have been some question about the engagement ring - but even then, only if the engagement was broken - that is now moot both because you fulfilled the promise of engagement by marrying him, but also because you were generous enough to give those back without argument, despite the fact that he didn't necessarily have any right to it.
He doesn't get to ask you for things back that he gave to you as good faith gifts in the course of your marriage. That's not a thing. I mean, okay, he can ask, but again, he has literally no right to any of it. Not from a legal standpoint, not from a moral standpoint ... if anything, he is being spiteful and petty, and you have no ethical responsibility to feed into his bullshit.
If you want to keep the ring, keep the ring. Even if you never wear it again, it's yours. THAT is how gifts work.
NTA. It was kind of you to return your engagement and wedding rings as they were family rings. You do not owe him the return of any gifts. He wants it back so you can't have it, not because he has another plan for it.
NTA. It was a gift. It’s yours.
That's not how any of this works. Once you give a gift it stops being yours. He has zero right to that or anything he gave you.
soooooo NTA in this scenario!!! He is wanting it back just to "get under your skin". Ain't no way in hell i would give it back. Match energy baby!! He wants to be an a&&hole and ask for something he THOUGHT he knew meant something to you. If by chance you do give it back, give it to him with just his stone. Petty is as petty does!!! Humans like this deserve what they put out into the world. 💁♀️never cared
Give him only his stone back, it was a gift and unlike the engagement/wedding ring there's no strings attached
There will be if she makes it into a necklace!
/dumb joke
Oooo I like this. This 50 Cent kind of petty and I’m here for it.
Gift is yours screw him and his wanting it back
No. Gifts are gifts. The ring is yours. NTA
NTA. The jewelry were gifts. He can F off. Get a lawyers involved asap.
NTA. Family heirlooms are one thing; general gifts are another. Keep the ring and anything else he gifted you with - divorce doesn't mean he gets to erase the marriage (or you) as if it never happened. Choices have consequences.
NTA You can't take back gifts in a separation. The wedding rings are different and I would also consider heirloom items to be returnable items but any other jewellery is yours to keep. Get legal representation.
He has no legal or ethical right to her wedding ring either, unless it was an heirloom, and even then it depends on the jurisdiction.
It was an heirloom, and she did give it back.
Unless there was some explicit agreement that gifts would be returned, he doesn’t really have a leg to stand on. Engagement rings are one thing, gifts during marriage are another
NTA it was a gift. It’s yours. I’d tell him to get lost!
NTA. That was a gift. Did you ever give him anything expensive? Ask for it back and see if he thinks that’s weird.
NTA and not petty.
The ring(s) and jewelry were gifts, not loans. No reason for him to expect to get them back. Giving back the family rings was nice of you, but even that wasn't necessary.
Unless he used family stones, a gift is a gift.
A gift is a gift, family stones dont matter
NTA - don't give them back. They were gifts and are yours to do with as you please.
I bet he’s not offering to give you back any gift you made to him. (His main gift is being so petty that you’ll never doubt the decision to get divorced). He just wants the valuable things back. Have them appraises, and tell your lawyer you’re happy to give them back as long as you get something of equal value.
NTA If he gave it to you it is yours.
If you want to be the 'bigger person' you could give it back but if given to you freely they belong to you.
NTA- the wedding rings, especially if they are family ones, I think should go back.
Anything else is a gift and yours to do with as you like. No one expects gifts to be returned that aren’t sentimental family heirlooms.
The ring is yours
She already gave the family rings back. This is about the not-family pieces that he bought for OP as gifts.
NTA. This was a gift for you, he is just being petty.
NTA. Gifts are gifts. It’s not in the same category of a wedding ring or engagement ring or family heirloom. It was made for you, given to you as a gift. It wasn’t a loan. You are entitled to keep it. He’s being petty and spiteful trying to take back gifts. Do not give it or anything else to him.
NTA. Nope. It was a gift. Keep it, sell it, throw it away, it’s yours to do what you want. What an ask!
NTA. Keep your jewelry and tell him to kick rocks.
Give nothing back without consulting your lawyer!
NTA he is being petty. Melt them and say it is gone
Nta - there's no reason to return gifts that were gifted to you. This mother's ring was clearly a custom ordered mother's ring and he gave it to you making it yours and I can't see any reason he would want it other than to take it from you.
Same with all gifted jewelry. It was kind of you to return family jewelry.
Cut the drama. It's a gift; keep what you want. If parting ways smoothly matters, weigh its sentimental value against his request. Be smart about it.
NTA it was a gift. Is he giving you all the gifts you gave him? If so give him the ring. If not tell him it you will trade it with something you gifted to him.
NTA family heirlooms I believe are best to be given back even though you are not obligated to. Everything else keep. I guarantee he is keeping his gifts.
NTA. It was a gift. It's yours to do with as you please.
NTA technically, as it was gifted to you, it's yours, but I personally wouldn't want it, even to use the stones elsewhere. I'd be willing to give it back, but I'd want the amount considered when splitting financials.
OK, but she isn't you and she does want it, so it's not just a "technical" NTA. Someone feeling differently about something than you do about their own property doesn't make them an AH in any sense at all.
Lol, just sharing my personal feeling on it, it’s not that serious. And we agree they are NTA.
NTA - this was a gift, but I would say if it makes the divorce go smoother, then maybe consider it? people like to feel like they won in those situations
But then use the gift as a point of negotiation
It was a gift (not the consideration for a marriage contract, which an engagement ring is) so he has no legal recourse to get it back. As for whether you are TA, it doesn’t seem so. Give him his stone back and enjoy whatever you get made out of the rest of it.
NTA. You were right to return the family rings but the necklace was a gift. He’s just being petty, so keep it if you want it.
NTA, it was a gift. He doesn't get to take back the gifts he gave you. Not his kids, not his ring. Not his business.
NTA - Even if you are getting divorced, you are the mother of those children, so for you to keep the mothers ring would be perfectly acceptable. IMO, I think keeping all the jewelry would be acceptable since gifts are not something someone should ever ask for back.
NTA, remove all the stones except his and then give it back.
This is the way LOL
“LOL No.”
NTA.
NTA. It was a gift and you're still a mother!
1) It wasn't an engagement ring, so he can't use the contractual clause thingamajig to request it back. 2) It was a gift. Gifts stop belongings to the gifter the moment the recipient takes possession. It's yours. 3) You returned the wedding band and engagement ring with no questions asked. It shows that you are level headed and not greedy/selfish. 4) Him asking for every piece of jewelry he ever gave you on the other hand? That's greedy, selfish, AND petty. 5) Has he offered to return any of the gifts you gave him? 6) Is he asking for any of the gifts he gave your daughters?
You're NTA, OP. But your 2nd ex-husband is. He wants to hurt you, and he's going to go for low shots as quickly, frequently, and stealthily as he can, to try and wear you down.
NTA
NTA you are not required to return any gifts. But be prepared for him to draw out the divorce wanting it back.
The ring was a gift. Keep it. NTA. If you want, when you make a necklace, mail him his stone.
NTA if you keep the ring. But if it were me, I wouldn’t be petty about it. Especially considering that the now ex-husband is petty as shit. There are a lot of sites that have beautiful mothers jewelry. If you don’t want something super expensive, get the gold plated options instead of the all gold ones. Something like that at Lisa Leonard will be between $150 (gold plated) or $800 (14k gold). Personally that’s small shit to fight over. Get half the house and all other shared assets which will be more beneficial for your financial safety.
NO. It was a GIFT. You do what you wish with it
Right. OP isn’t being petty, husband is. NTA.
Keep it and let your daughters decide if they want it when older..
NTA. You don’t buy someone a house, sign the deed over, then say… Hm. I don’t like you anymore, so I get the house back now. Lol. It doesn’t work that way. Not with houses, not with cars, not with anything. Even something as simple as a ring.
I’ve had people steal expensive things from me, and when I tried to go to the police, they told me there was absolutely nothing they could do about it because there’s no proof that I didn’t give it to them. so… Needless to say, your ex can do what he wants. He can call a lawyer, he can call the police, he can call the pope if he wants to. But that ring is yours and there’s not a person in this world that can make you give it back.
Info: What is this trend for asking for jewellery back after a divorce?
Money..
NTA. It was a gift.
If was engagement being breaking off then give it back but divorce? Hell naw its legally yours now
It's not her engagement ring, so no, even if there were a broken engagement she wouldn't have to give this particular piece of jewelry back.
If it was heirloom I would give it back so it stays with his family
It was not an heirloom. She already gave back the heirloom pieces (wedding and engagement rings). This was a piece he had made as a gift to her; it's hers to keep.
I was trying say those are the only things I personally would have given back lol.
NTA. A gift is a gift
On the other hand giving it back could shut him up and give you a little peace
You are a mother right? It’s yours and your children’s ring, not his.
Yep. And why is his birthstone even on it? And they aren't his kids
NTA. it was a gift. You have no reason to give it back and he has not right to it. Once a gift is given. Its their property to do wha they want with.
While I can understand wanting to turn it into a necklace or something. But I personally would sell it (probably not worth much you can buy those on Amazon for 50usd) or get rid of it. Cuz I wouldn't want any reminder of those bad memories.
You can buy a birthstone necklace with just you three once again very inexpensive.
NTA. You've already returned your wedding and engagement rings, he's not entitled to anything else. Give him back his stone since you won't be using it in your new necklace-you don't want it anyway.
Get your jewelry back. It's not his to take back. Why are so many men such huge heaping piles of donkey dung? Oh they're family jewelry so I guess it makes sense to give them back but the rest should be yours. My opinion of the ex stays the same though. Bad enough he didn't get you your own rings but heisted family rings so he could go cheap.
"Sure, it will Cost XX amount." Thats what I would tell him.
Or hit him with a list of gifts you gave that you want back.
NTA, but why keep it? If you wanted to wear it again, that's one thing. But, you don't want to do that. I understand your point of making something else with the three stones and giving his stone back. Of course, legally, you probably don't have to do that.
Sounds like you are both being a bit petty, so I would consult your lawyer. Splitting things during a divorce is one big negotiation, so what do you want 'back' from him?
He’s just being a bully. Anything gifted to you is yours. If he wants it back tell him negotiate it in the terms of the divorce division of assets. Make him explain to a lawyer why he thinks he deserves, and what he’s willing to give up or cough up for it.
NTA Keep the ring it's yours. It was a gift. You don't get to take back gifts. Once it's handled over the giver has no say in what you do with it.
It's would be like all the guests are your weddings asking fir their gifts back seeing as your divorced/divorcing.
That isn't how gift giving works.
It was a gift. No need to give it back. Maybe give him back his stone, lol.
NTA - it was a gift so it’s yours. However petty me would hand it back and tell him I always thought it was kind of ugly.
NTA. It was a gift and he doesn't get to ask for all of the jewelry he gave you. Asking for the family heirlooms, yes. Personal gifts, he can f-off. You aren't being petty in the slightest.
Go pawn it and give him the pawn ticket. If he wants it he won't mind buying it again and if it means nothing to you anymore get some cash out of it.
I like this option. They can get the ring, OP gets something. I didn't even read the post :( feel free to downvote me people.
Edit: I read it. NTA but yeah sorta petty. I still like your idea but really it's hers.
I read it at first as it was his mother’s ring in the subject and I went into this post being like yeah definitely the hole there. But no, this was a gift. It’s your daughter‘s birthstones and yours. I wouldn’t give it back and I don’t think in any jurisdiction you would be entitled to give it back as it was a gift.
Not at all. You don’t give back gifts.
He’s just being difficult.
You didn’t have to and shouldn’t have given your wedding rings back unless they were a family heirloom.
NTA
Or be really petty and just get his stone removed from ring and give him that. NTA
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I’m on my second marriage. In my first marriage I had two daughters. Their father is still very much in their lives. No kids with the second marriage. My second husband made a mother’s ring that included mine, his, and my two daughter’s birthstones. I’m now getting divorced again. Second husband is requesting the mother’s ring back. Frankly, I won’t wear the ring again, but thought I could take the stones (minus his) and make into a necklace. And I really just don’t want to give it back and being petty, give in to his request. He hasn’t stated why he wants it back. I have already returned his family rings (engagement and wedding rings). But he says he wants all the jewelry that he gave me back. WIBTA if I didn’t return anything else?
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I wouldn’t even play this game with him because that is what he’s doing is playing a game with you. I don’t exactly know why you get back your engagement and wedding ring because you didn’t need to and he didn’t have any right to it.
I would stop interacting with him at all when it comes to the subject legally as no right to the ring — it’s a gift.
NTA
A gift is a gift, you are under no legal obligation to return anything that was gifted to you.
The engagement ring yes, that was part of the contract that fell through. But you've done that.
There is nothing left that you need to give this man.
Have all of the stones turned into necklaces, keep yours, give your daughters theirs, and give his mother his as a gift.
No, could go to a daughter.
The commenter Cosmic-Miscreant is correct. The divorce proceedings will take the ring's value into account. It won't be either's decision.
Individually or grouped with her other jewelry, the ring might be treated the way that a valuable painting, antique or vacation cabin would be treated. The court would require one party to buy out the other, or be divvied up with items of equal value going to each. He gets the cabin, she gets the Picasso sketch. She gets the jewelry and he gets the boat that is of the same value.
In no-fault divorces, this is where some of the fault seeps into court decisions to give a little extra financial weight to the person most harmed. If OP wasn't treated well, a judge or negotiator might say that she keeps the ring, even if it has significant value (emeralds instead of lab-grown lesser stones).
If OP had an affair with husband's best friend and was a big spender of his money during the marriage, a judge might make her buy him out for most things or trade items of equal value for the ring (he gets the fancy cookware, espresso machine and expensive knives for her to keep the ring) or give it to him.
If this is the typical mother's ring with stones of little value, it has minimal resell value. She could go to any pawn or thrift shop, find one with his stone in it for $100, and hope he won't notice that the stepkids' stones are light blue and garnet instead of light green and ruby, or that it has four stepkid stones instead of three.
It should only be returned if the “mother’s ring” is HIS actual mother’s ring, as an item which can be handed down to a blood member of his mother’s family.
If he created this ring using the birthstones of yourself, hisself, & your daughters?
NO, I mean it would be kind of ICK to keep his birthstone (no mutual kids), so I might prise the stone out, & give it to him- just to rid myself of it.
But, the rest of it, I would keep- IT WAS A GIFT.
Nta. Him asking for gifts back makes him TA.
You don’t need to give back gifts unless they’re family heirlooms and that was the understanding from the time it was given.
And even with heirlooms sometimes the deal is that it goes back to that family when you die and leave it to your children, if you have them together.
NTA.
It was a gift, it's yours.
YWNBTA
it's a gift, you get to keep it.
It was a gift so you don't have to return it. If it turns into a big thing, take the stones you want to keep and return the rest.
NTA he gifted it to you. You own it.
NTA. It was given as a gift. Has he returned all the gifts you gave him or compensated you monetarily for the value? Sounds like he’s being greedy.
NTA, but is "being petty" a good enough reason for you?
Yeah. No.
NTA It was a gift and you are under no obligation to give it back nor does he have any legal right to have to back.
Gifts are gifts. Period. The ring belongs to you. You really didn't need to return the other rings either.
When I divorced my first husband, he wanted my fur coat (that I bought) and my horse, a registered Tennessee Walking horse.....again, that I bought! He also wanted all the furniture in the house, except for the kids' bedroom furniture. He even wanted the TV. I let him take it all and I bought new furniture. I also bought out his share of the house. He wanted it sold so I couldn't live in it anymore, but the judge wouldn't take the house away from the kids as it was the only home they had known and I was willing to buy him out.
I just don't get why some men do this sort of thing. How is going to make things better?
Giving back the engagement and wedding rings was more than considerate. Keep your jewelry that you like.
NTA. Thats not how gifts work. He's thinking of loans.
NTA, I wouldn’t give it back
Legally all jewelry is yours including the wedding rings.
Haha, he can want but he can't have.
He gave you the jewellery as gifts, they now are your legal property, he can go pound sand. If you want to be satisfying petty, you can give him "his" stone out of the mother's ring then use the others in your pendant idea.
(Yes, even the engagement ring is yours. There is no "breach of contract" because you fulfilled the engagement contract by marrying him.)
He’s being petty. Keep the ring.
I think you were right to give him back his family jewelry, and are right to keep the mother’s ring. A gift becomes your property, and you can still make use of it by removing his stone.He is not entitled to get back every gift he gave you.
I would let your divorce attorney handle all the details.
NTA. But you could give the ring back, minus the stones, and leave his in it. That's what the divorce means: you separate his from yours. And since you mentioned you won't wear the ring again, you might as well hand that back as well, since he made it and might feel attached to his handwork.
Absolutely NTA. You were respectful in giving back his family jewelry. This is not that. That was a gift to you, from him. It's possible he's feeling weird about you continuing to wear it with his stone on it. Ask him why he wants it back. If it's for monetary reasons, he can go fly a kite. If it's for the weird feelings reason, tell him your plan. It might give him closure and then he might drop it. If he feels even weirder about you altering the ring, it's still not his decision and he has to live with it.
Actually, since you were married and not simply engaged, you didn't have to give back the engagement and wedding rings, because the contract of marriage for which they were "collateral" was fulfilled.
Also, NTA.
It was a gift, not a loan; you don't owe it to him.
NTA
Fuck him.
If you aren’t emotionally tied to the ring, use it to negotiate other terms that you want, or put it away for your oldest daughter.
The ring was a gift when he gave it to you. Those became your property when he did that. There was no condition laid on it. I talk with your divorce attorney because this seems unfair. A gift is a gift and once it is out of the giver's hands, it is not their property anymore. Do you have a prenup the required you to return all jewelry or anything like that? NTA
NTA. It's yours, and you don't have to return it.
He has no legal standing to insist on the return of gifts. Just tell him no. Then refuse to talk to him about it. He'll probably try to drive you crazy so you'll just cave in .y
Nta the ring was a gift and he has no right to it. He has a lot of nerve even asking for it
NTA
He's just being small. He isn't entitled to the return of any gifts.
He probably just wants to reuse them, like your reused engagement and wedding rings.
Give him his stone back from your ring and replace it with your the stone of your next significant other. It is your ring. You don’t want any memory of him in it anyways. Keep the ring, and give him his stone back.
The wording was a little weird. I'm going to call it a push present or a Mother's Day present.
And no, we don't give those back. You only give back engagement rings when you don't follow through on the marriage or if the original ring/stone was a family heirloom.
NTA: He gave you a gift and the fact the two of you are not staying together does not change the fact you have been a mother figure to all of those kids
Nta. It’s a gift.
But this isn’t abusive behaviour? Lmao
Idk about all or most places, but in many places it’s a gift and can’t legally be taken back. You can give it back if you want but it’s your possession - this also includes engagement and wedding rings. I’d look up local laws and if yours are as such, I’d keep it out of principle. He already took your time and energy, he has no reason to take gifts back too. If he wants to be that petty then so would I.
It was a gift, not a loan. The asshole knows this.
The ring was a gift to you, right? Shopping with all the other jewelry he gave you? He has no right to your property just because he was the one who gifted it to you. It's your property.
You were entitled to all the jewellery he gave you. You didn't have to give any of it back. I would tell him he is free to buy it back from you as part of the divorce settlement
YWNBTA
Those were gifts. That jewelry is yours.
My first husband only gave jewelry for gifts. He didn’t want to take the time to actually put any thought into a gift, jewelry was an easy shortcut.
When I divorced him, I kept it all. I don’t wear it, of course but I have gifted it to my daughters and my son’s wife over the years.
NTA. Who cares what he wants? I want a million dollars. Doesn't mean anyone is going around granting that to me. He needs to grow up and you shouldn't give him a thing that isn't stated by your lawyer.
Why are you getting divorced? Seems like that might have some bearing in how he’s acting.
Legal or not doesn't matter, you said yourself you're withholding it just to be petty and IMHO the makes YTA.
In my experience, when a guy is adamant that he wants all the jewelry back, if because the woman single handedly destroyed the marriage, and that's likely the situation here. She was having an affair or some such hubby finds out and now he done with her, and he wants his money back and I don't blame him one damn bit. He bought you that because he loved you and now you intend to shit on him simply to be petty.
It seems to me maybe some maturity needs to be gained before marriage 3.
Yeah the answer is always “it depends” and will be very fact specific, not to mention jurisdiction specific. But obviously if I were advising a client pre marriage on how to ensure his heirloom ring remains in the family, I would strongly recommend a prenup.
Grow up people. You literally say you’ll never wear the thing again. Take the stones minus his and give it back. Don’t be petty. Want to teach your kids that’s how love is supposed to be?
Holy fuck be an adult 🙄🙄🙄
Haha nta. Tell him to what he can do with himself.
NTA. It was a gift to you and you have no obligation to return the ring. It’s that easy. Tell him no and refuse to budge on the issue. Heck I would probably say something like “my stance on this will not change and we’ve already discussed it. It’s not open for discussion again” the next time he tried to bring it up.
Work it out in the divorce settlement.
Keep it - it was a gift - or he can purchase it from you or you can sell it, but no one is going to want such a custom ring. It might not even be that valuable. Use what ever money you get to take a vacation with your children.
NTA First of ALL, you don't owe him ANY jewelry back it was gifts or part of a contract (the wedding/engagement rings are part of a "contract" and since you fulfilled the "contract" by getting married those are legally yours too. You were generous to give him back those rings. Stand your ground on the mothers ring. Screw him!
I am not lawyer and this is not legal advice.
It's your ring to do with as you want, it was a gift. Rational people don't take back gifts. NTA
NTA. You’ve already given back more than you needed to do. It was nice of you to return his “family rings” back to him, but not necessary. An engagement ring is a conditional piece of jewelry, which — regardless of what the state laws may be — I think should be returned if the relationship ends before the marriage. But you married him. The relationship fell apart, but you were his wife in good faith for a period of time, so I don’t see why the engagement or wedding rings should have been returned. What’s he gonna do…give them to some other woman, saying, “Here, these are ‘family rings’ that I gave to my last wife, and got them back from her when we divorced.” What woman would even want them at that point?
Gifts are given freely, with the understanding that they belong to the recipient forevermore…not until the recipient and the giver part ways.
NTA. Is it bad that my first thought was that he might have a new potential wife waiting in the wings who has the same birth month as OP?
My friend’s ex demanded all the jewelry he gave her back in the divorce. The dumb ass thought the value was the same as the appraisal amounts. Big shock when he went to sell it all and didn’t get anything close to what he expected.
NTA those are gifts and they're yours to keep.
What an ass your second husband is! That’s not a gift, he lended it to you. WTF?
Very odd thing to take back. What is his idea of what a gift is?
It was a gift during your marriage. Don't give it back.
It was a gift and yours to keep.
NTA. It was a gift. He can demand all he wants about the jewelry he gave you but it won't hold in court. Can't take back gifts
You’re a mother, it’s a mothers ring, you get to keep it
NTA.
Anything given to you as a gift belongs to you and your ex is not entitled to any of them. Keep everything of value, except the items that were his family pieces (which you don't legally have to return, but morally it's the right thing to do).
NTA My opinion is that if the jewelry was given to you for a purpose, and that purpose was cancelled, you give it back. For example, if you get an engagement ring but the engagement is called off, you give that ring back. If the jewelry was given as a gift, then it belongs to you. You don't have to give it back. He can ask for it but once you say no, he has to accept that the answer is no.
NTA. Gifts are gifts. They are yours minus any family heirlooms.
NTA - Are you asking him to return to you, any valuable gift that you gave him throughout your marriage? If not, then he is being petty.
Your STB ex is being super tacky. The ring was a gift, he doesn't get it back.
Personally I’d do what you said get the stones you want made into a necklace and give him the other stone back.
It was a gift and not a family heirloom. It’s yours to keep, imo … likely legally too.
NTA, it's a gift.
You returning the rings that belonged to his family is exactly what you should have done. This ring he gave you is something that was made for you as a gift. If you wanted to be extra nice give him back his birthstone, that's the only part of the ring that is his.
I would have kept it all. Why give back jewelry gifts? Why give back wedding and engagement rings if not legally required to do so or if they were family heirlooms?
Without more info, Ithink your soon-to-be ex is being petty.