Roommates trying to force me out even though I literally just stay in my room (over my bookshelf)
Some of you might recognize me as the girl whose roommates lost their minds over the placement of my bookshelf a while back. Unfortunately, things have escalated instead of settling down.
For context: I’ve lived in this apartment over a year longer than my current roommates. I’ve never had issues with past roommates. I’m quiet, work full time, and when I’m home, I literally sit in my room and mind my business. I don’t use shared spaces much, I don’t host people, and I don’t start conflict.
The original issue was that one roommate (let’s call her Karen) didn’t like where my bookshelf was placed in a shared area. I told her she was welcome to move it to wherever worked better for her. She chose not to (she claimed it’s because she didn’t want to move my things without me present, but she’s moved some of my other things multiple times without my prior knowledge or consent). That should’ve been the end of it.
Fast forward to now: Another roommate, who I’ll call Carol (who also happens to be close friends with Karen), messaged me saying the living situation is “taking a toll” on her and that the best solution would be for me to move out so she can continue living with the other two roommates. She framed it as a mental health issue and said it was her “last resort.” Feel free to see the attached screenshots.
I said no — clearly and calmly. I’m not looking for other housing options. I’m just trying to make it through the year.
Part of why I’m not open to moving is that I’m disabled, and moving is physically taxing for me. On top of that, there are only 5 months left on my lease. I’ve also confirmed with apartment management that there are no available units at my current price point, meaning moving would significantly increase my living expenses — right before Christmas — in addition to being extremely inconvenient and disruptive. I told her that she was welcome to explore her other options, to which she pushed back.
I repeated my position multiple times. I literally copied and pasted the words because I didn’t want my words to get twisted around (she’s tried to do this before, and my therapist recommended I do this since they’ve been manipulative). She continued asking, reframing, and pressing, despite me making my stance very clear. At that point, it stopped feeling like a conversation and started feeling like harassment.
What also didn’t sit right with me was the way she framed the request around mental health and asked if I’d be “kind enough” to move. I care deeply about mental health, but using it this way felt manipulative — as if my empathy was being leveraged to pressure me into making a major, one-sided sacrifice. It positioned me as unkind or uncaring for simply maintaining a reasonable boundary, even though moving would be physically taxing for me as a disabled person and financially harmful with only five months left on my lease. Mental health shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip to push someone into something they’ve already said no to.
To be very clear: I don’t bother them. I don’t interfere with their routines. I don’t spend time in shared spaces. No one has asked me to change anything other than the bookshelf. I come home and sit in my room. That’s it.
Despite this, I’m being pressured to uproot my life so the other three can stay together comfortably — even though I’ve lived here longer, have done nothing to create conflict, and moving would place a disproportionate burden on me.
I’ve now documented everything with management, including screenshots of her continuing to push after I made my position clear. I will admit that I do need to work on actually stopping engaging when I say that I’m going to, and maybe the initial jukebox technique seemed a little much (they’ve always had trouble listening whenever I’ve said no)… but I’m literally just existing in my bedroom.
At this point, I genuinely want to know: am I missing something, or is this as unreasonable as it feels?
I would go nuts if I tried to have an open conversation about tension and the person I was talking to started just sending the exact same message over and over with zero explanation or preamble
Absolutely. There's no way a therapist told them to do that, it's a sure-fire way to get punched in the face in the real world. Not to diagnose OOP but this is exactly the kind of thing my severely autistic brother would do not understanding that A) this is escalating the conflict further, and B) neurotypical people can tell when someone is being passive aggressive.
I had my therapist suggest sending the same message when you are dealing with people who manipulate or ignore boundaries. That’s not quite what she is doing, but I understand where she is coming from.
It always sounds like a good idea on Reddit but in the real world that’s a sure fire way to piss someone off to the point there will be no more dialogue and you will find yourself shoved out posthaste.
When the answer is a firm no, there's no need to find different ways of saying it. There's plenty of context, so "zero explanation or preamble" doesn't really apply. OOP is not moving out early just because others would find it convenient if she did.
The texts were about the roommate trying to get her to move out. She said she did not want to and that she needed to get on with her work that evening and the roommate kept after her to move and said she would help OP pack. OP repeated herself as there was nothing left to say.
A walk through OOPs post history taken all together tells a very different story than the one OOP wants to convince people of. When every single person (and I mean Every. Single. Person.) in someone’s life is a horrible monster out to get them, it’s time to call bullshit. The call is coming from inside the bookshelf.
The most telling one was her deleted post where she seemed to be asking for legal advice about suing her former therapist for "malpractice" over dropping OOP and telling OOP she needed a higher level of care.
Another comment on that post pointed out that OP previously admitted to having teletherapy appointments in her bedroom and speaking at a volume where the roommates could hear her complaining about them. OP responded she’s working on lowering the volume of her voice and “invested in a white noice machine” so they wouldn’t be able to hear her.
Thanks to my eyestrain, I misread that as "telepathy appointments" at first. And I wanted to know more. Are we talking about a "Scanners" level of telepathy? BOOM! So messy!
Is this the one where OOP insisted on talking loudly at night, and was upset because her roommates complained? I think she was saying she couldn't use headphones for whatever reason, and believe she was saying that she had already lowered her voice before, but basically it was a 'why can't they accept that Ihave a different schedule than them!' with I think a bit of 'I'm autistic, I literally don't understand the rules! Why are they mean to me?' thrown in (the last might have been a different story)
Bro what? First of all, schedule your telehealth therapy for a time when your roommates aren't home. If you can't, then book a library study room or something. And if for some reason neither of those is an option, don't talk about your fucking roommates. I schedule my therapy for a time when my roommate is at work. Sometimes she is off work. I tell her I have therapy and she turns the TV or music on loud enough that she can't hear me. And even then I wait until a day I'm truly alone before I complain about her.
My cousin’s roommate does telehealth therapy and my cousin has like, bat hearing. So even with white noise and stuff he was hearing what his roommate was talking about. (They both work from home or I’m sure his roomie would’ve scheduled for a time he was alone. But according to my cousin “he also doesn’t wanna chase me out of the house. Cuz it’s OUR place. But no matter what I do I catch myself overheating.”)
So he started taking the therapy time as his lunch break and having a jog to a local burger shack every week. Apparently he’s lost seven pounds and cut down his vaping because of his jog.
His roommate takes credit for their therapist somehow helping improve the life of a total stranger btw.
(They don’t have any actual problems with each other, this is just a silly situation they had and you made me think of it.)
Sure, but if she’s the one who needs privacy, it’s her responsibility to plan around them, not their responsibility to change their schedules to suit her appointment
Reminds me of my college roommate who scheduled her therapy sessions for early morning on a day I didn't have class. She really wanted me to wake up early just to put on headphones so I didn't accidentally hear her. I told her I would be sleeping and if I happened to wake up (which I never did) I would immediately put headphones on. Glad I didn't cave.
It actually does because she doesn't live in a vacuum. That is one of the things that you have to take into consideration when you live with other people: their schedules.
It's in an earlier post. OP talks shit about her roommate to her online therapist and her mom over the phone and expects the roommate to pretend she doesn't hear said shit-talking because OP speaks at her "natural volume"
Also there's a picture of the bookcase in a post, it's very slim and could easily be moved to OP's room unless her room is full to bursting.
Edit: I actually have a shorter version of the same bookcase (it's from Amazon and it was cheap). It's holds about 20 books and is small enough to fit on my bedside table and I still have room for a lamp... and another pile of books
Who did she "allow" to move the shelf into the living room?
(Also the roommates absolutely said they'd move it. They just wanted her there when they did it because it's clearly filled with all her shit, and for some reason she refused)
The previous roommates set it up there. One of the new roommates doesn't want it there, but doesn't actually have a good place for it to move to, as she's moved everything else around to suit her. So for two reasons: 1) because OOP is disabled, and 2) because this move would be for one specific roommate's benefit, OOP has left it to that roommate to move.
IMO, the roommate isn't doing it because she knows she hasn't left any other appropriate spot free for it, but she doesn't want to admit that so she falls back on OOP is refusing do it.
IF she is so disabled she can't move the bookcase herself, how did she originally get the bookcase into that room?
As for moving away from the wall? Without knowing the specific layout, we don't know. Because it may be that they *can't* just 'move away from the wall'. If the rooms are small, or the rooms are set up to have a specific configuration, then it isn't easy to 'just rearrange' things.
For instance, in my house, I would love to have my TV on an outside wall, but the designers stuck two large windows next to each other on one side, and a single large window on the other side. Meaning that the only place it can realistically go is where it is right now. Same thing for couches/loveseats. I would love to be able to rearrange the couches/love seats, but again, only one place to realistically put them.
When you then consider the need to plug electronics in, things like air flow and/or vents, in some houses/apartments there simply isn't an alternative arrangement that would work.
You could actually click on her previous post. There's a picture and everything.
She really shouldn't have to specify her disability for people to accept that disabled = can't move the bookcase. Her previous roommates put it in that spot.
I did, and saw that bookcase and I would be worried as well, since the OOP admits that it needs to be tilted against two walls to be stable.
Also, it does matter, because there are a WIDE range of disabilities. She could have a disability that makes it difficult to balance, or where she can't walk at all, or where she needs a cane, or where one arm is pretty much useless and I could go on, because disabled != can't move the bookcase. Some could, some couldn't.
Disabled gets thrown around pretty freely and people too often use it to be a 'get out of anything free' card, by implying that anyone who disagrees is ableist. All without specifying that they COULD do the thing they are being asked, they just don't want to, and thus use their disability as a weapon (like people are/were implying that the diabetic roommate is throwing HER disability around as a weapon against the OOP)
Her roommates putting it in the spot makes sense, because if she put it there, then unless she recently became disabled, she should be able to move it. That is why I was asking. If someone else put it in that spot, then OOP should ask them to help move it (or work with her current roommates who seem to just want her present when they move it elsewhere)
It’s the people who defend OOP that are being downvoted. A lot of the people defending her are using her disability as an excuse to be a terrible room mate, which I think is ableist in and of itself, ironically.
The roommates said they would move OOPs bookcase just that they didn’t feel comfortable doing it while she wasn’t present, if OOP comes home and immediately goes to the room when are they supposed to move the bookcase? OOP admitted to grey rocking all conversations with them so I can’t imagine she’s given them the opportunity to move it.
She also acknowledged there wasn't really a "safe" space for it to be moved in the shared areas (and that her room also lacks room). So to me, her "agreement" to let them move it wasn't actually an agreement.
Three friends moved in to the apartment and are bullying her to try to get her to leave, likely to move a fourth friend in ("I can help you pack" - what kind of person says/does this?). Why should OP move? Screw these immature, rude twats.
One of my old roommates pretty much said that to me in college, while handing me a room reassignment request.
She just didn't like me. I told her I could live with her as I could easily just ignore her. She was gone the next semester.
Why should OOP move? Maybe because she apparently can't live in the apartment alone (otherwise why would she have agreed to have three roommates) and so she would likely have to move anyways if the three others moved out, OR have to deal with yet more roommates who likely wouldn't be any more tolerant of the things OOP does.
yeah but the point is OP is either lying about that or, as other people have said based off post history, their roommates can CLEARLY hear them talking shit about them through the walls.
i do the “sit in my room” shit all day sometimes too, that’s not really valid when your roommates can hear you bitching about them all the time.
Yeah, OOP may be an asshole, but I had pretty much this exact thing happen to me. I was severely depressed my second year of grad school and developed an eating disorder that was triggered by the slightest thing, so for much of the year I was holed up in my room when I wasn’t with my boyfriend. When it was getting towards time for us to renew our lease, I asked my two roommates what they wanted to do, and they told me they wanted to live with this third girl. I said, oh, sure, and started researching four-bedroom places. When I mentioned a place that was available a couple days later, they clarified that they wanted to live with her instead of me, and basically, would I mind moving out? They said they assumed I might move in with my boyfriend and that I didn’t like living with them because I was holed up in my room so much of the time.
(I confess that I was pissed because I’d gone through all the effort in researching and touring apartments the summer before because I was closer to the town than anyone else, even though that was still an hour away - so I was petty and told them that if they didn’t want live with me, they could find another place. Then, after they’d told our landlord they weren’t renewing, I found a spot in a beautiful house that was much better located and also pulled out of that first apartment.)
It seems like saying she already stated her position and she's not going to reply anymore and then just not replying is the move here. Copy pasting anything just keeps escalating it. But from previous info they all seem extremely dramatic in this housing situation.
it’s not like they moved into “her” apartment. it is apartment style dormitory housing at a university. you can request to live with specific people but it is not guaranteed and you do not choose the roommates. it is no more the op’s apartment than anyone else’s. it would be different if it weren’t in a dorm but it is, so.
Then it becomes "She ghosted me!" or "She refuses to communicate!"
There are some kids whose parents would give in if they asked enough times, and they spend the rest of their lives working that strategy. "Asked and answered" is the strategy that I read in a teacher's manual.
It would sorta make sense to keep copy+pasting if the roommate was still trying to convince OOP to move out, but it sounded like she was fairly open to simply talking their issues out rather than having OOP move out, based on their messages. Therefore, the copy+pasting was just unnecessary and petty.
If OOP doesn’t want to move out, okay that’s that, but she still needs to communicate with her roommates and find some common ground on their issues so that they can feel more comfortable living together.
I did not understand what the box comment was supposed to be about and assumed it was a typo. I also got the impression that the roommate thinks that the only 2 options are "OP moves out" or "The 3 of us move out, but we can't find a place so OP should move out".
Look, maybe OP is the a****** here. I didn't read any previous posts. But it sounds like the roommate is just saying the same s*** over and over. So why try to respond in a unique way every time?
Yeah, you’re right in your interpretation. It sounds like they’ve been having issues for a while, specifically with OOP’s bookshelf placement and the fact that she complains very loudly about her roommates to her online therapist and on the phone with her mom, to where they can hear her. This is all on their previous post. OOP says she “doesn’t do anything” in this one. but that doesn’t seem to be entirely true.
So, it seems they have tried working things out, but it’s gotten nowhere, so they are requesting that OOP moves out before their lease ends in 5 months so that everyone feels more comfortable. OOP is saying no. So, the roommate is saying “do you have any other solutions to this?” which I think is fair. If OOP isn’t moving out, then they have to think of something else to do to solve this. And, I think closing down communication with copy+pasted texts is the opposite of helping.
OOP says she “doesn’t do anything” in this one. but that doesn’t seem to be entirely true.
OOP has a passive-aggressive personality, from what I see. She talks shit about her roommates to her therapist loudly in her room, which is likely part of what she defends as taking care of her mental health, without considering how it is "doing something" to contribute to the deterioration of her relationships with the 3 roommates. I get the impression they are not allowed to respond or say anything about her shit-talking, because that is for her "mental health." Yet, she also seems upset those mental health (plus communication) issues were allegedly referred to in conversations to the property management, which she says is discriminatory.
I suspect there is way more to the conflicts than just the bookshelf turning things sour. However, even on that issue, OOP acts very passive-aggressive. The other roommate asks about moving the book shelf and OOP makes a big show of supposedly telling her roommate she can move it somewhere, without OOP's help. But OOP acknowledges there isn't anywhere else in the shared space for it to go safely, while snidely referring to roommate's pantry shelves taking up space.
Anyone with half an ounce of awareness would be able to see that maybe pantry shelves in a tight shared space would be seen as more collectively useful than a bookshelf. Especially a bookshelf belonging to a roommate who gets upset about her things being touched? When asked about moving the shelf, she could have either try to find a compromise for moving the bookshelf, or even to make her case why she feels she should get to keep it there. Instead, she responded in a way that appears passive or "cooperative" at the superficial level, but is designed to frustrate the other roommates while still keeping it her way.
I think her repeated copy-paste messaging is just the latest in a string of passive-aggression interactions. The text messages show that she stone-walls during communication attempts from her roommate.
I definitely support your interpretation. I had a room mate in my late teens who would complain about me to literally everyone except me. I had her mom beefing with me over a jacket being moved. When a room mate is so conflict avoidant that they’d rather loudly complain to other people than talk it out, it makes living with them a nightmare. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable.
I’m just saying, I can’t blame the room mates for asking her to move out.
Why do they have to think of something else to solve this? OP clearly doesn't think there is anything that needs to be solved and if she's on the lease, and paying rent on time, the roommates are SOL. Disliking your roommate isn't grounds to break a lease. Especially if you don't really interact with your roommate and the only issue is you overhear that they don't like you. These are not OPs problems and she owes the roommates (who are trying to screw her over) no help in "fixing them".
But, from her earlier posts, it looks like she’s had to contact management about several issues with her room mates, so she and her landlord know that there are issues. These issues are bothering OP, too, since she vents on here about them. But, instead of solving things, she is resorting to these passive aggressive means of venting her feelings, making everyone in the household very uncomfortable.
So, while yes, she’s keeping to herself generally and is paying her rent on time, she is still making people uncomfortable in the home, so it would be really shitty to make everyone suffer through another 5 months of bullshit simply because she can’t communicate properly. It makes sense why they would want her to move out, and I don’t think the request is unreasonable.
On that note, that’s not their housing situation at all. OP is renting a single room in a shared unit, her room mates are all renting the bedrooms individually. The living room/kitchen is a “common area” between the four of them. The room mate is requesting that OP switches units, she’s not asking her to end her lease with the complex.
She was refusing to communicate. The other person asked her several times if they could have a conversation. so copy and pasting that same dumb comment was refusing to communicate, A grown up would say "I don't wish to have a conversation and I won't be responding to any more of your texts" but a mature grown up would say "I'm not going to move so let's see if we can talk this out"
This is just not true, sorry. Regardless of how people are raised, they generally grow up to behave more or less within the acceptable norms of society. And yeah, we all keep growing because that’s how the human brain works. We constantly take in new information and revise our perspective and behavior based on that.
So, not one person in the world can deviate from your idea of growth?
The people I know who gang up and act like highschoolers are immature, and are often better on their own. Pack mentality.. But hey. I was also married to a man who threw adult size fits, but didn't start out that way. He didn't grow to be a better person.
I work with people I don't like, but I don't try to force them to quit. I live next to people I hate but I don't try to make them move. You deal with it. That shows me the immaturity.
This is just the type of engagement that tempts me. I have. so many. roommate stories. Being broke and in school for like, 10 years (undergrad, masters) and so. many. stories.
I studied abroad one semester and I lived with people who kept accusing me of taking their food (I didn’t) (I’m a super picky eater and the food that was supposedly taken were foods that I just don’t like) when every other night they’d come back shit faced at 2am, eat all of their food, and then forget in the morning and every time I’d point that out to them they’d get mad saying they would know if they did that
They also accused me of stealing their money which is something I’d NEVER do and they had no proof of that but stuck with it 💀💀
This is just weird. Why would you “document everything with management”? The property manager doesn’t give a shit about your drama. They care about the rent being paid on time and you honoring the lease. That’s it.
Whose name is on the lease? I assume it’s OOP since they’ve been there longer than anyone else, right?
Also why does she think that staying put won’t be a financial strain? You can’t hold people hostage. If these girls really hate living with you, they’re gonna pack up and move to a new place without you. Then you’re stuck paying for a 4-bedroom alone.
I truly can’t imagine anything worse than living with 3 people who resent my presence and want nothing more than for me to go away forever.
Am I really supposed to believe that this whole thing is about a bookshelf? Like not even an argument about a bookshelf. Just “Hey this bookshelf is kind of in the way of the TV.” “OK, well you can move it wherever you want.” “I’d rather not move it, since it’s yours and you’re not home right now.” “No problem, I’ll get someone to help me move it when I get home.” The end. And then you think this text conversation is a direct result of that? Naaaahhhh
I don’t think the body of the post mentions it but they’re in student housing, there’s definitely some kind of res life management situation. And there’s no shared lease, each room is paid for separately
I think they all are. It sounds like a dorm-like setup, where the landlord has separate leases with each roommate. That's probably why she isn't worried about finding other roommates. However, she runs the risk of pissing off the landlord if she keeps chasing off tenants.
Am I really supposed to believe that this whole thing is about a bookshelf?
I think OOP is not a reliable narrator. She also said they had some conflict over her talking loudly about them in her room during therapy appointments, and wearing shoes in the home (which she said she had to do due to a disability).
With the bookshelf, other comments she made state there is not another "safe" place to move it in the shared areas (and complains about the roommate's pantry shelves taking up space). She also says something about her room being too crowded? So the way I read it, this is a passive-aggressive non-agreement "agreement" that they could just move it. She knows they don't have a good place to move it, does not facilitate moving it, and then seems to just stonewall when they attempt to communicate in-person. At least, that is my interpretation.
Reddit (can be) the perfect place to post to get reassurance that you’re not acting completely unreasonably when you totally are. Depending on the sub I suppose lol.
It's like those estranged parents forums where people take OOPs word without question. Everything happened out of nowhere and reasons were never given to me. There's no way there have been no discussions except about a bookcase once.
A lot of these subreddits are places for people to live out fantasies of being a hero that stands up to injustice. It's why almost every post is OP being a saint that commenter can vicariously live through, or in rare instances, OP is a moustache twirling villain against whom brave redditors may karma farm. It's the internet equivalent of winning an argument you had in your head.
On the one hand, the roommates do sound like genuine assholes. On the other hand, I've had a few different people over the years pulling the whole "you don't want me here but I refuse to even try to leave" thing, and none of them are people you would enjoy living with either, so my suspicion is that a big chunk of the story is missing. Also, the way she insists that ordinary, gentle language is an attempt to manipulate her reminds me of many people I've known who will twist absolutely anything you say or do into EVIL.
the way she insists that ordinary, gentle language is an attempt to manipulate her reminds me of many people I've known who will twist absolutely anything you say or do into EVIL
I hadn't noticed that but now that you mention it it sends a shiver down my spine. Among the absolute worst people I've had to deal with are those who try to gaslight you into believing you were the problem all along.
She was there first and did not sign up for three friends moving in. Dollars to donuts they have someone they want to move in and are trying to get her to leave.
She was there first and landlord moved a group of friends in, who are now trying to force her out. I don't understand what you are trying to say about a "group lease" or signing one "out of the gate"?
Not sure I follow on what being “first” has to do with it though? She posted an update 38 days ago clarifying that she rented a single room in the unit. There’s also no discussion by OP about the other tenets being friends prior to move in to force her out.
She explains on another thread that the apartment company rented the other rooms to the three roommates, who were friends. It seems like they are trying to get her to leave to move in another friend and have tried to use the bookshelf and her mental health as excuses.
Woof. In the comments OOP says she's a teacher. I'm assuming she doesn't teach Career and Life Management, since she doesn't understand the basics of a lease.
The whole thing seems simulated to mimic a dormitory housing situation but then decided to yuppify it.
yeahhh bro this seems real & is a classic example of a shitty roommate twisting the narrative to fit them. hope the other 3 can get out of there and talk shit about op the rest of their lives.
While it seems like everyone here sucks, for the love of god, when people are making it clear they don’t want you there, just move. The copy and paste bs seems nice on Reddit but in reality it’s infuriating and gives those people even more cause to dislike you. People are like op stand your ground but to be honest, living where 3 other people don’t like you or your presence is pain on you and on them. And personally I don’t think courting misery is in my best interest so I’d just figure things out, see if those roommates can find the place they want me to go and bounce. This is just antagonizing from both sides and op seems insufferable.
100% op should be on that I just meant like hey if they’re the ones forcing you out, they should be the ones finding solutions to be somewhat fair to all parties involved, I find them all equally insufferable tbh
Those were my favorite roommates. The ones that either lived with their gf the whole time and I never saw them. Or they locked themselves in their room and I never heard from them.
Had a roommate I saw twice the year and a half we lived together. Locked himself in his room and occasionally I would hear him use his shower. Forgot he existed. Made next to no noise. Never complained when I had parties or shit. I heard his name at the start forgot it. One time he came out and said hi looked scared as fuck. I asked if he wanted a beer. He wanted to play chess he whooped my ass like 10 times in a row finished his beer thanked me and said have a good night. Didn't see him again. Solid dude.
I had a roommate who was a project manager for developing mines in Africa. He paid 50% of the rent and I paid 100% of the utilities. Hugs company flew him wherever he wanted on his weeks off, so I mostly just would make sure his Jeep started when he was away for a long time. When he was home, he would restlessly clean.
My husband and I seriously discussed buying a place with a granny suite because it was such a sweet arrangement. Old roommate met some girl from Texas who flew into a jealous rage about his female friend he used to live with and it never recovered after that.
I don't blame you. I'd move in any roommate like that. We never have to see you and you pay part of the rent? Here's your Neet nest I'll check in on you next year to make sure you're alive.
Usually people do that when they’re struggling a lot with mental illness or are socially anxious. I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw shame onto the people who do it. Yeah, it’s “weird” but stating it so bluntly could be pretty harmful.
Have I ever told y’all about the time I had one housemate fake his own death in order to do identity theft and buy cars he no longer had a license to drive while my other roommate went back to his hometown one weekend and did 1979 NBA team portions of cocaine and shot a man to death?
The lead up was miserable but once the one headed to the state asylum in Butner and the other to Central Prison in Raleigh it was like “Home Alone” come to life.
I had a nice talk with the home owner and got the place to myself rent free for a good long springtime at least. Couple few months at least.
I don’t always open my mail or pay phone bills promptly so being surprised in June to see surveyors in my front yard is on me. Weird year, 1996.
I agree. I don't agree with that sub saying she did nothing wrong but this sub is just as bad, saying she just needs to leave? OP said her lease is only 5 more months, good luck finding a place to rent for that length of time. She also said it's more expensive. Everyone's just going to have to deal with crappy living situation for a bit longer.
I read the oop's other post and I'm not sure oop is the crazy one. I've been in living situations where one person is nuts and ruins it for the other people, so it's believable. It sounds like it's just 1 of the 3 other people that has an issue, so idk. Is posting about it on reddit useful? Not really, but maybe they needed an outlet to just dump it?
Or, it's all one big lie and oop is a nut. It's the internet, after all.
In the post OOP says the roommate that asked about the bookshelf and the roommate that’s texting her are not the same person. So atleast 2/3 of the roommates don’t want her there
People on the internet really need to learn how to tell when someone is lying. Her roommates are out to get her even though she’s a perfect roommate, her landlord is out to get her even though she’s a perfect tenant, her family is out to get her even though she’s never done anything wrong to anybody ever in her whole life. Like just an ounce of awareness is all I ask.
If you smell shit everywhere you go it’s time to check your own shoes.
OOP has brought it on herself. What she doesn't mention in her posts is that she bad mouths her roomates over the phone in spaces that they can hear her, and has been doing it for some time. It has been mentioned in thr comments, and was part of a post OOP has now deleted. I don't think anyone would want to live with a person who is brazenly saying nasty things about them.
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Maybe school year? Giving her the benefit of the doubt, but when I’m talking about housing accommodation or years I’m generally talking on a September- September schedule (teacher). Judging by her comments about lessons to plan, she’s still in and around education.
While moving sucks and is inconvenient, I’d rather do that than live with people I know don’t want me there. How weird and awkward it is to insist on staying in the apartment.
He can’t find a place because all three want to live together. Suggest he look for his own place instead. Cash for keys is also something you could suggest. But I’d make them bleed. They want you out way more than you want out.
I wanna know why the bookshelf was a problem. Were the titles somehow offensive? Was it blocking access to something? There’s got to be more than they’re saying going on there.
That said, asking somebody who was there before you to move out is a dick move.
She is leaving out some details, but I think lets some things slip through.
OOP does say that one of the roommates complained about some risque books she has, so that might be part of it (like she didn't seem to get why her other roommates might prefer having a coat rack or pantry shelves in the tight shared areas, over a bookshelf with smutty books that belong to only one of them?). However, the main complaint is that the bookshelf not properly secured and at the entry way. Apparently, the "Karen" roommate expressed worry she might stumble into the bookshelf, referencing having diabetes, which the OOP dismisses.
I don't think OOP is a reliable narrator, although her roommates sound like they also have some issues. Elsewhere, OOP does acknowledge she already had conflict with them over not wanting to take her shoes off inside (she says because of her disability) and because they have heard her talking loudly and negatively to her therapist about them. I kind of get the impression that the roommate might be "taking a page from OOP" and using the therapy-speak and emphasizing a disability to get her point across. But who knows, either way they don't seem to get along.
So there is likely a lot more that OOP is not sharing. Her history suggests she has a lot of interpersonal drama, and also had conflicts with previous roommates even though she says something in this post about never having conflicts with other roommates. Her previous conflict involved roommates leaving dishes dirty over several hours, leading to her sending a passive-aggressive group text and then asking the other roommates to pay her $20/hour for washing the dishes. (And this isn't even the worst one, she actually previously posted in legal advice about wanting to sue her former therapist for dropping her as a client and telling OOP she needed a higher level of care.)
If you check her posting history, the roommate texting her thinks it's a safety issue, even tho it doesn't really seem like it. OOP may seem obstinate, but she seems like less of a pain in the ass then the roommate.
Thanks, I was just doing a deep dive myself. Agreed that the safety concern seems bogus. I see OOP is really into Sarah J. Maas — maybe her roomie is a snob about having romantasy or YA titles on display? Which is ridiculous but it doesn’t sound like anybody involved is being particularly mature about the whole thing.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
Roommates trying to force me out even though I literally just stay in my room (over my bookshelf)
Some of you might recognize me as the girl whose roommates lost their minds over the placement of my bookshelf a while back. Unfortunately, things have escalated instead of settling down.
For context: I’ve lived in this apartment over a year longer than my current roommates. I’ve never had issues with past roommates. I’m quiet, work full time, and when I’m home, I literally sit in my room and mind my business. I don’t use shared spaces much, I don’t host people, and I don’t start conflict.
The original issue was that one roommate (let’s call her Karen) didn’t like where my bookshelf was placed in a shared area. I told her she was welcome to move it to wherever worked better for her. She chose not to (she claimed it’s because she didn’t want to move my things without me present, but she’s moved some of my other things multiple times without my prior knowledge or consent). That should’ve been the end of it.
Fast forward to now: Another roommate, who I’ll call Carol (who also happens to be close friends with Karen), messaged me saying the living situation is “taking a toll” on her and that the best solution would be for me to move out so she can continue living with the other two roommates. She framed it as a mental health issue and said it was her “last resort.” Feel free to see the attached screenshots.
I said no — clearly and calmly. I’m not looking for other housing options. I’m just trying to make it through the year.
Part of why I’m not open to moving is that I’m disabled, and moving is physically taxing for me. On top of that, there are only 5 months left on my lease. I’ve also confirmed with apartment management that there are no available units at my current price point, meaning moving would significantly increase my living expenses — right before Christmas — in addition to being extremely inconvenient and disruptive. I told her that she was welcome to explore her other options, to which she pushed back.
I repeated my position multiple times. I literally copied and pasted the words because I didn’t want my words to get twisted around (she’s tried to do this before, and my therapist recommended I do this since they’ve been manipulative). She continued asking, reframing, and pressing, despite me making my stance very clear. At that point, it stopped feeling like a conversation and started feeling like harassment.
What also didn’t sit right with me was the way she framed the request around mental health and asked if I’d be “kind enough” to move. I care deeply about mental health, but using it this way felt manipulative — as if my empathy was being leveraged to pressure me into making a major, one-sided sacrifice. It positioned me as unkind or uncaring for simply maintaining a reasonable boundary, even though moving would be physically taxing for me as a disabled person and financially harmful with only five months left on my lease. Mental health shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip to push someone into something they’ve already said no to.
To be very clear: I don’t bother them. I don’t interfere with their routines. I don’t spend time in shared spaces. No one has asked me to change anything other than the bookshelf. I come home and sit in my room. That’s it.
Despite this, I’m being pressured to uproot my life so the other three can stay together comfortably — even though I’ve lived here longer, have done nothing to create conflict, and moving would place a disproportionate burden on me.
I’ve now documented everything with management, including screenshots of her continuing to push after I made my position clear. I will admit that I do need to work on actually stopping engaging when I say that I’m going to, and maybe the initial jukebox technique seemed a little much (they’ve always had trouble listening whenever I’ve said no)… but I’m literally just existing in my bedroom.
At this point, I genuinely want to know: am I missing something, or is this as unreasonable as it feels?
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I would go nuts if I tried to have an open conversation about tension and the person I was talking to started just sending the exact same message over and over with zero explanation or preamble
Absolutely. There's no way a therapist told them to do that, it's a sure-fire way to get punched in the face in the real world. Not to diagnose OOP but this is exactly the kind of thing my severely autistic brother would do not understanding that A) this is escalating the conflict further, and B) neurotypical people can tell when someone is being passive aggressive.
I had my therapist suggest sending the same message when you are dealing with people who manipulate or ignore boundaries. That’s not quite what she is doing, but I understand where she is coming from.
It always sounds like a good idea on Reddit but in the real world that’s a sure fire way to piss someone off to the point there will be no more dialogue and you will find yourself shoved out posthaste.
i’d start physically confronting them like what a HORRID strategy on OOP’s part
When the answer is a firm no, there's no need to find different ways of saying it. There's plenty of context, so "zero explanation or preamble" doesn't really apply. OOP is not moving out early just because others would find it convenient if she did.
The texts were about the roommate trying to get her to move out. She said she did not want to and that she needed to get on with her work that evening and the roommate kept after her to move and said she would help OP pack. OP repeated herself as there was nothing left to say.
Both of them are foolish for having this discussion via text. This should be a face-to-face talk.
A walk through OOPs post history taken all together tells a very different story than the one OOP wants to convince people of. When every single person (and I mean Every. Single. Person.) in someone’s life is a horrible monster out to get them, it’s time to call bullshit. The call is coming from inside the bookshelf.
The most telling one was her deleted post where she seemed to be asking for legal advice about suing her former therapist for "malpractice" over dropping OOP and telling OOP she needed a higher level of care.
Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy.
Hahahahhaha no fucking way someone can be that delulu
Yeah, looking at their post history just makes me exhausted, nothing but whine, whine, and more whining
If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, it’s probably you.
lol wonder what the story that OP is refusing to tell is...they do "nothing but sit in their room" ??? no way....
Another comment on that post pointed out that OP previously admitted to having teletherapy appointments in her bedroom and speaking at a volume where the roommates could hear her complaining about them. OP responded she’s working on lowering the volume of her voice and “invested in a white noice machine” so they wouldn’t be able to hear her.
The room mates are still gonna know she’s talking shit about them when they hear the white noise machine lol.
“And today, my roo- oh wait, hang on” loud ass whishing noises
Thanks to my eyestrain, I misread that as "telepathy appointments" at first. And I wanted to know more. Are we talking about a "Scanners" level of telepathy? BOOM! So messy!
I read it the same way and 100% did not doubt it.
Someone’s selling telepathy training, probably also drinks their pee though.
Me too, I thought she was running a psychic hotline.
Me three!
Is this the one where OOP insisted on talking loudly at night, and was upset because her roommates complained? I think she was saying she couldn't use headphones for whatever reason, and believe she was saying that she had already lowered her voice before, but basically it was a 'why can't they accept that Ihave a different schedule than them!' with I think a bit of 'I'm autistic, I literally don't understand the rules! Why are they mean to me?' thrown in (the last might have been a different story)
no
Bro what? First of all, schedule your telehealth therapy for a time when your roommates aren't home. If you can't, then book a library study room or something. And if for some reason neither of those is an option, don't talk about your fucking roommates. I schedule my therapy for a time when my roommate is at work. Sometimes she is off work. I tell her I have therapy and she turns the TV or music on loud enough that she can't hear me. And even then I wait until a day I'm truly alone before I complain about her.
My cousin’s roommate does telehealth therapy and my cousin has like, bat hearing. So even with white noise and stuff he was hearing what his roommate was talking about. (They both work from home or I’m sure his roomie would’ve scheduled for a time he was alone. But according to my cousin “he also doesn’t wanna chase me out of the house. Cuz it’s OUR place. But no matter what I do I catch myself overheating.”)
So he started taking the therapy time as his lunch break and having a jog to a local burger shack every week. Apparently he’s lost seven pounds and cut down his vaping because of his jog.
His roommate takes credit for their therapist somehow helping improve the life of a total stranger btw.
(They don’t have any actual problems with each other, this is just a silly situation they had and you made me think of it.)
I used to take teletherapy appointments in my car. Its definitely doable.
The roommates could give her privacy. Scheduling an appointment should not require her knowledge of their schedules.
They’re allowed to live in their home.
So is she.
Sure, but if she’s the one who needs privacy, it’s her responsibility to plan around them, not their responsibility to change their schedules to suit her appointment
Reminds me of my college roommate who scheduled her therapy sessions for early morning on a day I didn't have class. She really wanted me to wake up early just to put on headphones so I didn't accidentally hear her. I told her I would be sleeping and if I happened to wake up (which I never did) I would immediately put headphones on. Glad I didn't cave.
It actually does because she doesn't live in a vacuum. That is one of the things that you have to take into consideration when you live with other people: their schedules.
"I'm working on it" while doing nothing is such an eye roll.
Oh my god…yeah, that’ll do it, lmao.
A white noise machine?
Nah bro I would actually crash out
It's in an earlier post. OP talks shit about her roommate to her online therapist and her mom over the phone and expects the roommate to pretend she doesn't hear said shit-talking because OP speaks at her "natural volume"
Also there's a picture of the bookcase in a post, it's very slim and could easily be moved to OP's room unless her room is full to bursting.
Edit: I actually have a shorter version of the same bookcase (it's from Amazon and it was cheap). It's holds about 20 books and is small enough to fit on my bedside table and I still have room for a lamp... and another pile of books
OP is disabled and allowed roommates to move the shelf. If roommates do not want to hear OP in therapy, can't they move away from the wall?
Who did she "allow" to move the shelf into the living room?
(Also the roommates absolutely said they'd move it. They just wanted her there when they did it because it's clearly filled with all her shit, and for some reason she refused)
The previous roommates set it up there. One of the new roommates doesn't want it there, but doesn't actually have a good place for it to move to, as she's moved everything else around to suit her. So for two reasons: 1) because OOP is disabled, and 2) because this move would be for one specific roommate's benefit, OOP has left it to that roommate to move.
IMO, the roommate isn't doing it because she knows she hasn't left any other appropriate spot free for it, but she doesn't want to admit that so she falls back on OOP is refusing do it.
It goes into OOP's room, ta da! 🪄
How is OOP disabled?
IF she is so disabled she can't move the bookcase herself, how did she originally get the bookcase into that room?
As for moving away from the wall? Without knowing the specific layout, we don't know. Because it may be that they *can't* just 'move away from the wall'. If the rooms are small, or the rooms are set up to have a specific configuration, then it isn't easy to 'just rearrange' things.
For instance, in my house, I would love to have my TV on an outside wall, but the designers stuck two large windows next to each other on one side, and a single large window on the other side. Meaning that the only place it can realistically go is where it is right now. Same thing for couches/loveseats. I would love to be able to rearrange the couches/love seats, but again, only one place to realistically put them.
When you then consider the need to plug electronics in, things like air flow and/or vents, in some houses/apartments there simply isn't an alternative arrangement that would work.
You could actually click on her previous post. There's a picture and everything.
She really shouldn't have to specify her disability for people to accept that disabled = can't move the bookcase. Her previous roommates put it in that spot.
I did, and saw that bookcase and I would be worried as well, since the OOP admits that it needs to be tilted against two walls to be stable.
Also, it does matter, because there are a WIDE range of disabilities. She could have a disability that makes it difficult to balance, or where she can't walk at all, or where she needs a cane, or where one arm is pretty much useless and I could go on, because disabled != can't move the bookcase. Some could, some couldn't.
Disabled gets thrown around pretty freely and people too often use it to be a 'get out of anything free' card, by implying that anyone who disagrees is ableist. All without specifying that they COULD do the thing they are being asked, they just don't want to, and thus use their disability as a weapon (like people are/were implying that the diabetic roommate is throwing HER disability around as a weapon against the OOP)
Her roommates putting it in the spot makes sense, because if she put it there, then unless she recently became disabled, she should be able to move it. That is why I was asking. If someone else put it in that spot, then OOP should ask them to help move it (or work with her current roommates who seem to just want her present when they move it elsewhere)
[deleted]
It’s the people who defend OOP that are being downvoted. A lot of the people defending her are using her disability as an excuse to be a terrible room mate, which I think is ableist in and of itself, ironically.
[deleted]
I didn't get the impression that they don't like her because of any disability. Even from her. It's just her insufferability
The roommates said they would move OOPs bookcase just that they didn’t feel comfortable doing it while she wasn’t present, if OOP comes home and immediately goes to the room when are they supposed to move the bookcase? OOP admitted to grey rocking all conversations with them so I can’t imagine she’s given them the opportunity to move it.
She also acknowledged there wasn't really a "safe" space for it to be moved in the shared areas (and that her room also lacks room). So to me, her "agreement" to let them move it wasn't actually an agreement.
Because the other roommates have filled all the other appropriate spots!
Come on, if they have common spaces, they're allowed to furnish them.
Three friends moved in to the apartment and are bullying her to try to get her to leave, likely to move a fourth friend in ("I can help you pack" - what kind of person says/does this?). Why should OP move? Screw these immature, rude twats.
One of my old roommates pretty much said that to me in college, while handing me a room reassignment request.
She just didn't like me. I told her I could live with her as I could easily just ignore her. She was gone the next semester.
Why should OOP move? Maybe because she apparently can't live in the apartment alone (otherwise why would she have agreed to have three roommates) and so she would likely have to move anyways if the three others moved out, OR have to deal with yet more roommates who likely wouldn't be any more tolerant of the things OOP does.
is it talking shit if theyre being shitty? 😭
The missing missing reasons
I believe her. I did the same thing.
yeah but the point is OP is either lying about that or, as other people have said based off post history, their roommates can CLEARLY hear them talking shit about them through the walls.
i do the “sit in my room” shit all day sometimes too, that’s not really valid when your roommates can hear you bitching about them all the time.
Agreed, but this comment said nothing about that other post.
idk what to tell you besides read the other comments
Severely depressed for many years, I did this to avoid people.
Same here. People are so mad at this idea for some reason.
I got downvoted 5 times?!
I did this to avoid drama queens. Very doable, but it upsets those who need to be busybodies.
Yeah, OOP may be an asshole, but I had pretty much this exact thing happen to me. I was severely depressed my second year of grad school and developed an eating disorder that was triggered by the slightest thing, so for much of the year I was holed up in my room when I wasn’t with my boyfriend. When it was getting towards time for us to renew our lease, I asked my two roommates what they wanted to do, and they told me they wanted to live with this third girl. I said, oh, sure, and started researching four-bedroom places. When I mentioned a place that was available a couple days later, they clarified that they wanted to live with her instead of me, and basically, would I mind moving out? They said they assumed I might move in with my boyfriend and that I didn’t like living with them because I was holed up in my room so much of the time.
(I confess that I was pissed because I’d gone through all the effort in researching and touring apartments the summer before because I was closer to the town than anyone else, even though that was still an hour away - so I was petty and told them that if they didn’t want live with me, they could find another place. Then, after they’d told our landlord they weren’t renewing, I found a spot in a beautiful house that was much better located and also pulled out of that first apartment.)
Google depression
lol, I read this early and was like, man, they all sound annoying af. Would not want to live with OOP or her roommates.
yeah they all sound like exhausting passive-aggressive people tbh
The copy pasting that their therapist supposedly told then to do is so much.
WTF is she supposed to do? Reword it every time? I suppose she could say "I have already stated my position", and then just keep reposting that.
It seems like saying she already stated her position and she's not going to reply anymore and then just not replying is the move here. Copy pasting anything just keeps escalating it. But from previous info they all seem extremely dramatic in this housing situation.
The therapy speak sets my teeth on edge. Why not just say you'd rather live with friends? Why wallow in your allegedly poor mental health?
She probably doesn't have friends. The other girls are friends and needed 1 more and found the lovely OOP.
OOP lived there first apparently
it’s not like they moved into “her” apartment. it is apartment style dormitory housing at a university. you can request to live with specific people but it is not guaranteed and you do not choose the roommates. it is no more the op’s apartment than anyone else’s. it would be different if it weren’t in a dorm but it is, so.
No but they didn't "find" OP as 1 more either
Then it becomes "She ghosted me!" or "She refuses to communicate!"
There are some kids whose parents would give in if they asked enough times, and they spend the rest of their lives working that strategy. "Asked and answered" is the strategy that I read in a teacher's manual.
It would sorta make sense to keep copy+pasting if the roommate was still trying to convince OOP to move out, but it sounded like she was fairly open to simply talking their issues out rather than having OOP move out, based on their messages. Therefore, the copy+pasting was just unnecessary and petty.
If OOP doesn’t want to move out, okay that’s that, but she still needs to communicate with her roommates and find some common ground on their issues so that they can feel more comfortable living together.
I did not understand what the box comment was supposed to be about and assumed it was a typo. I also got the impression that the roommate thinks that the only 2 options are "OP moves out" or "The 3 of us move out, but we can't find a place so OP should move out".
Look, maybe OP is the a****** here. I didn't read any previous posts. But it sounds like the roommate is just saying the same s*** over and over. So why try to respond in a unique way every time?
Yeah, you’re right in your interpretation. It sounds like they’ve been having issues for a while, specifically with OOP’s bookshelf placement and the fact that she complains very loudly about her roommates to her online therapist and on the phone with her mom, to where they can hear her. This is all on their previous post. OOP says she “doesn’t do anything” in this one. but that doesn’t seem to be entirely true.
So, it seems they have tried working things out, but it’s gotten nowhere, so they are requesting that OOP moves out before their lease ends in 5 months so that everyone feels more comfortable. OOP is saying no. So, the roommate is saying “do you have any other solutions to this?” which I think is fair. If OOP isn’t moving out, then they have to think of something else to do to solve this. And, I think closing down communication with copy+pasted texts is the opposite of helping.
OOP has a passive-aggressive personality, from what I see. She talks shit about her roommates to her therapist loudly in her room, which is likely part of what she defends as taking care of her mental health, without considering how it is "doing something" to contribute to the deterioration of her relationships with the 3 roommates. I get the impression they are not allowed to respond or say anything about her shit-talking, because that is for her "mental health." Yet, she also seems upset those mental health (plus communication) issues were allegedly referred to in conversations to the property management, which she says is discriminatory.
I suspect there is way more to the conflicts than just the bookshelf turning things sour. However, even on that issue, OOP acts very passive-aggressive. The other roommate asks about moving the book shelf and OOP makes a big show of supposedly telling her roommate she can move it somewhere, without OOP's help. But OOP acknowledges there isn't anywhere else in the shared space for it to go safely, while snidely referring to roommate's pantry shelves taking up space.
Anyone with half an ounce of awareness would be able to see that maybe pantry shelves in a tight shared space would be seen as more collectively useful than a bookshelf. Especially a bookshelf belonging to a roommate who gets upset about her things being touched? When asked about moving the shelf, she could have either try to find a compromise for moving the bookshelf, or even to make her case why she feels she should get to keep it there. Instead, she responded in a way that appears passive or "cooperative" at the superficial level, but is designed to frustrate the other roommates while still keeping it her way.
I think her repeated copy-paste messaging is just the latest in a string of passive-aggression interactions. The text messages show that she stone-walls during communication attempts from her roommate.
I definitely support your interpretation. I had a room mate in my late teens who would complain about me to literally everyone except me. I had her mom beefing with me over a jacket being moved. When a room mate is so conflict avoidant that they’d rather loudly complain to other people than talk it out, it makes living with them a nightmare. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable.
I’m just saying, I can’t blame the room mates for asking her to move out.
Why do they have to think of something else to solve this? OP clearly doesn't think there is anything that needs to be solved and if she's on the lease, and paying rent on time, the roommates are SOL. Disliking your roommate isn't grounds to break a lease. Especially if you don't really interact with your roommate and the only issue is you overhear that they don't like you. These are not OPs problems and she owes the roommates (who are trying to screw her over) no help in "fixing them".
But, from her earlier posts, it looks like she’s had to contact management about several issues with her room mates, so she and her landlord know that there are issues. These issues are bothering OP, too, since she vents on here about them. But, instead of solving things, she is resorting to these passive aggressive means of venting her feelings, making everyone in the household very uncomfortable.
So, while yes, she’s keeping to herself generally and is paying her rent on time, she is still making people uncomfortable in the home, so it would be really shitty to make everyone suffer through another 5 months of bullshit simply because she can’t communicate properly. It makes sense why they would want her to move out, and I don’t think the request is unreasonable.
On that note, that’s not their housing situation at all. OP is renting a single room in a shared unit, her room mates are all renting the bedrooms individually. The living room/kitchen is a “common area” between the four of them. The room mate is requesting that OP switches units, she’s not asking her to end her lease with the complex.
This is my read, too, and ftr therapists have told me to copy+paste when dealing with these types of assholes.
I don't understand siding with the bullies. They're bullies.
She was refusing to communicate. The other person asked her several times if they could have a conversation. so copy and pasting that same dumb comment was refusing to communicate, A grown up would say "I don't wish to have a conversation and I won't be responding to any more of your texts" but a mature grown up would say "I'm not going to move so let's see if we can talk this out"
No they don’t. Believe it or not, parents are not the only influences in a person’s life, and people do continue to grow long after childhood.
Yes, they do. Not everyone just keeps growing.
This is just not true, sorry. Regardless of how people are raised, they generally grow up to behave more or less within the acceptable norms of society. And yeah, we all keep growing because that’s how the human brain works. We constantly take in new information and revise our perspective and behavior based on that.
So, not one person in the world can deviate from your idea of growth?
The people I know who gang up and act like highschoolers are immature, and are often better on their own. Pack mentality.. But hey. I was also married to a man who threw adult size fits, but didn't start out that way. He didn't grow to be a better person.
I work with people I don't like, but I don't try to force them to quit. I live next to people I hate but I don't try to make them move. You deal with it. That shows me the immaturity.
It doesn't really matter where the roommate learned it. She's one of those people that just keeps asking over and over again.
That is my point
this would be a great use of per my last message...
This is just the type of engagement that tempts me. I have. so many. roommate stories. Being broke and in school for like, 10 years (undergrad, masters) and so. many. stories.
Like I want to rage out on everyone here lol.
Do it. In undergrad I had a roommate who called the police on me because I was putting stuff in her mini fridge.
Sounds like she consulted AITA and took their advice
I had a roommate who brewed moonshine in our one-bath apartment and told me I should shower at the gym for a month until it was ready 🤷♀️
Wow, so ungrateful for fresh homemade moonshine
Seriously. Priorities.
Was it good?
No.
I’m sorry. Then it wasn’t worth it.
You would have had an even funnier story if it was good as well.
Do you still have your eyesight?
Lmao. I got called a bad roommate because I asked someone not to use my IKEA tea steeper and that I would buy them their own.
And you're walking free, now?
More jail for you.
She also claimed that I was changing clothes in our room. I don't know how I walked free on that one.
I studied abroad one semester and I lived with people who kept accusing me of taking their food (I didn’t) (I’m a super picky eater and the food that was supposedly taken were foods that I just don’t like) when every other night they’d come back shit faced at 2am, eat all of their food, and then forget in the morning and every time I’d point that out to them they’d get mad saying they would know if they did that
They also accused me of stealing their money which is something I’d NEVER do and they had no proof of that but stuck with it 💀💀
This is just weird. Why would you “document everything with management”? The property manager doesn’t give a shit about your drama. They care about the rent being paid on time and you honoring the lease. That’s it.
Whose name is on the lease? I assume it’s OOP since they’ve been there longer than anyone else, right?
Also why does she think that staying put won’t be a financial strain? You can’t hold people hostage. If these girls really hate living with you, they’re gonna pack up and move to a new place without you. Then you’re stuck paying for a 4-bedroom alone.
I truly can’t imagine anything worse than living with 3 people who resent my presence and want nothing more than for me to go away forever.
Am I really supposed to believe that this whole thing is about a bookshelf? Like not even an argument about a bookshelf. Just “Hey this bookshelf is kind of in the way of the TV.” “OK, well you can move it wherever you want.” “I’d rather not move it, since it’s yours and you’re not home right now.” “No problem, I’ll get someone to help me move it when I get home.” The end. And then you think this text conversation is a direct result of that? Naaaahhhh
She has a previous post explaining she just rents a room, not the whole apartment
But yes, the bookcase seems so absurd. Just move the bookcase. I mean at this point any of them could move the bookcase!
Yeah sounds like this is all really because OOP is clearly an obstinate ass who is terrible to live with.
I don’t think the body of the post mentions it but they’re in student housing, there’s definitely some kind of res life management situation. And there’s no shared lease, each room is paid for separately
I think they all are. It sounds like a dorm-like setup, where the landlord has separate leases with each roommate. That's probably why she isn't worried about finding other roommates. However, she runs the risk of pissing off the landlord if she keeps chasing off tenants.
I think OOP is not a reliable narrator. She also said they had some conflict over her talking loudly about them in her room during therapy appointments, and wearing shoes in the home (which she said she had to do due to a disability).
With the bookshelf, other comments she made state there is not another "safe" place to move it in the shared areas (and complains about the roommate's pantry shelves taking up space). She also says something about her room being too crowded? So the way I read it, this is a passive-aggressive non-agreement "agreement" that they could just move it. She knows they don't have a good place to move it, does not facilitate moving it, and then seems to just stonewall when they attempt to communicate in-person. At least, that is my interpretation.
OOP’s posting history suggests she can be a lot.
Oh man, you are so right
She started the post like she's Troy McClure.
"Hi, I'm OOP! You might remember me from such posts as 'My roommates hate my bookcase' and 'How to not to have telehealth appointments.' "
I saw this and was so surprised that everyone in the comments was on their side.
Reddit (can be) the perfect place to post to get reassurance that you’re not acting completely unreasonably when you totally are. Depending on the sub I suppose lol.
It's like those estranged parents forums where people take OOPs word without question. Everything happened out of nowhere and reasons were never given to me. There's no way there have been no discussions except about a bookcase once.
A lot of these subreddits are places for people to live out fantasies of being a hero that stands up to injustice. It's why almost every post is OP being a saint that commenter can vicariously live through, or in rare instances, OP is a moustache twirling villain against whom brave redditors may karma farm. It's the internet equivalent of winning an argument you had in your head.
Well said
I’ve phrased it as people living out the revenge fantasies without having to worry about the consequences.
I muted that sub a long time ago. I'm not reading those ridiculous AI generated essays.
On the one hand, the roommates do sound like genuine assholes. On the other hand, I've had a few different people over the years pulling the whole "you don't want me here but I refuse to even try to leave" thing, and none of them are people you would enjoy living with either, so my suspicion is that a big chunk of the story is missing. Also, the way she insists that ordinary, gentle language is an attempt to manipulate her reminds me of many people I've known who will twist absolutely anything you say or do into EVIL.
No good guys here, really.
I hadn't noticed that but now that you mention it it sends a shiver down my spine. Among the absolute worst people I've had to deal with are those who try to gaslight you into believing you were the problem all along.
She was there first and did not sign up for three friends moving in. Dollars to donuts they have someone they want to move in and are trying to get her to leave.
She’s in school affiliated housing though where they rent a room. Very different situation than signing a group lease out of the gate.
She was there first and landlord moved a group of friends in, who are now trying to force her out. I don't understand what you are trying to say about a "group lease" or signing one "out of the gate"?
Not sure I follow on what being “first” has to do with it though? She posted an update 38 days ago clarifying that she rented a single room in the unit. There’s also no discussion by OP about the other tenets being friends prior to move in to force her out.
She explains on another thread that the apartment company rented the other rooms to the three roommates, who were friends. It seems like they are trying to get her to leave to move in another friend and have tried to use the bookshelf and her mental health as excuses.
If this is student housing, it doesn't matter who was there 'first'. At some point OOP will have to move out anyway.
This isn't a permanent place these people are trying to rent.
Woof. In the comments OOP says she's a teacher. I'm assuming she doesn't teach Career and Life Management, since she doesn't understand the basics of a lease.
The whole thing seems simulated to mimic a dormitory housing situation but then decided to yuppify it.
It might be one of those student apartment houses that rent by the room.
I saw a previous post that said she was a maths interventionist.
yeahhh bro this seems real & is a classic example of a shitty roommate twisting the narrative to fit them. hope the other 3 can get out of there and talk shit about op the rest of their lives.
While it seems like everyone here sucks, for the love of god, when people are making it clear they don’t want you there, just move. The copy and paste bs seems nice on Reddit but in reality it’s infuriating and gives those people even more cause to dislike you. People are like op stand your ground but to be honest, living where 3 other people don’t like you or your presence is pain on you and on them. And personally I don’t think courting misery is in my best interest so I’d just figure things out, see if those roommates can find the place they want me to go and bounce. This is just antagonizing from both sides and op seems insufferable.
I can agree until “those roommates can find the place they want me to go.” Why would you give up your agency like that
100% op should be on that I just meant like hey if they’re the ones forcing you out, they should be the ones finding solutions to be somewhat fair to all parties involved, I find them all equally insufferable tbh
One day they'll look back and go "shit, it really was me, wasn't it?"
The answer was always yes.
Idc if this is fake “that is purposeful” is hilarious
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Those were my favorite roommates. The ones that either lived with their gf the whole time and I never saw them. Or they locked themselves in their room and I never heard from them.
Had a roommate I saw twice the year and a half we lived together. Locked himself in his room and occasionally I would hear him use his shower. Forgot he existed. Made next to no noise. Never complained when I had parties or shit. I heard his name at the start forgot it. One time he came out and said hi looked scared as fuck. I asked if he wanted a beer. He wanted to play chess he whooped my ass like 10 times in a row finished his beer thanked me and said have a good night. Didn't see him again. Solid dude.
To this day he’s my best friend.
Honestly he's my brother for life. No idea what his name is. Hope he is doing well.
I had a roommate who was a project manager for developing mines in Africa. He paid 50% of the rent and I paid 100% of the utilities. Hugs company flew him wherever he wanted on his weeks off, so I mostly just would make sure his Jeep started when he was away for a long time. When he was home, he would restlessly clean.
My husband and I seriously discussed buying a place with a granny suite because it was such a sweet arrangement. Old roommate met some girl from Texas who flew into a jealous rage about his female friend he used to live with and it never recovered after that.
I don't blame you. I'd move in any roommate like that. We never have to see you and you pay part of the rent? Here's your Neet nest I'll check in on you next year to make sure you're alive.
Usually people do that when they’re struggling a lot with mental illness or are socially anxious. I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw shame onto the people who do it. Yeah, it’s “weird” but stating it so bluntly could be pretty harmful.
Ok cool I’ll just delete it
The most healthy response I’ve ever encountered on this damn app
sigh I know someone who would absolutely do this and think they were being completely reasonable.
Hence (partially) why we are no longer friends lol.
I saw this earlier and couldn't believe how every comment was telling her she was in the right?!? No wonder they want her out.
what an odd sub. I am kind of shocked that people are on OOP's side. I would force her to move out if I legally could if I were the roommates.
Have I ever told y’all about the time I had one housemate fake his own death in order to do identity theft and buy cars he no longer had a license to drive while my other roommate went back to his hometown one weekend and did 1979 NBA team portions of cocaine and shot a man to death?
The lead up was miserable but once the one headed to the state asylum in Butner and the other to Central Prison in Raleigh it was like “Home Alone” come to life.
I had a nice talk with the home owner and got the place to myself rent free for a good long springtime at least. Couple few months at least.
I don’t always open my mail or pay phone bills promptly so being surprised in June to see surveyors in my front yard is on me. Weird year, 1996.
Imma be real op hasn't done anything wrong other than be annoying
I agree. I don't agree with that sub saying she did nothing wrong but this sub is just as bad, saying she just needs to leave? OP said her lease is only 5 more months, good luck finding a place to rent for that length of time. She also said it's more expensive. Everyone's just going to have to deal with crappy living situation for a bit longer.
I read the oop's other post and I'm not sure oop is the crazy one. I've been in living situations where one person is nuts and ruins it for the other people, so it's believable. It sounds like it's just 1 of the 3 other people that has an issue, so idk. Is posting about it on reddit useful? Not really, but maybe they needed an outlet to just dump it?
Or, it's all one big lie and oop is a nut. It's the internet, after all.
In the post OOP says the roommate that asked about the bookshelf and the roommate that’s texting her are not the same person. So atleast 2/3 of the roommates don’t want her there
After reading her other stuff, I’m betting on OOP being a nut
Not sure, but while she was unable to move the bookshelf she did tell them they could move it.
The replies on this post are so different from the replies in the original post
Why on earth is it OK to gang up on a roommate and try to force them out? What a crock of twats.
People on the internet really need to learn how to tell when someone is lying. Her roommates are out to get her even though she’s a perfect roommate, her landlord is out to get her even though she’s a perfect tenant, her family is out to get her even though she’s never done anything wrong to anybody ever in her whole life. Like just an ounce of awareness is all I ask.
If you smell shit everywhere you go it’s time to check your own shoes.
OOP has brought it on herself. What she doesn't mention in her posts is that she bad mouths her roomates over the phone in spaces that they can hear her, and has been doing it for some time. It has been mentioned in thr comments, and was part of a post OOP has now deleted. I don't think anyone would want to live with a person who is brazenly saying nasty things about them.
Wow. why are they eavesdropping on her calls? The truth hurts.
They're not. She's actively shitting on them loudly in the shared space.
She talks on the phone in her room.
If your phone call is easily audible from the shared space then it is in the shared space.
So? If OOP was playing music in their room at 3am and the roommates could hear would you say the same thing?
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Can someone give me the tl;dr? My zoomer attention span ain’t reading allat
"I’m just trying to make it through the year." she says less than 10 days before the year ends.
Maybe school year? Giving her the benefit of the doubt, but when I’m talking about housing accommodation or years I’m generally talking on a September- September schedule (teacher). Judging by her comments about lessons to plan, she’s still in and around education.
While moving sucks and is inconvenient, I’d rather do that than live with people I know don’t want me there. How weird and awkward it is to insist on staying in the apartment.
This just pissed me off so badly holy shit lmfao
He can’t find a place because all three want to live together. Suggest he look for his own place instead. Cash for keys is also something you could suggest. But I’d make them bleed. They want you out way more than you want out.
I wanna know why the bookshelf was a problem. Were the titles somehow offensive? Was it blocking access to something? There’s got to be more than they’re saying going on there.
That said, asking somebody who was there before you to move out is a dick move.
She is leaving out some details, but I think lets some things slip through.
OOP does say that one of the roommates complained about some risque books she has, so that might be part of it (like she didn't seem to get why her other roommates might prefer having a coat rack or pantry shelves in the tight shared areas, over a bookshelf with smutty books that belong to only one of them?). However, the main complaint is that the bookshelf not properly secured and at the entry way. Apparently, the "Karen" roommate expressed worry she might stumble into the bookshelf, referencing having diabetes, which the OOP dismisses.
I don't think OOP is a reliable narrator, although her roommates sound like they also have some issues. Elsewhere, OOP does acknowledge she already had conflict with them over not wanting to take her shoes off inside (she says because of her disability) and because they have heard her talking loudly and negatively to her therapist about them. I kind of get the impression that the roommate might be "taking a page from OOP" and using the therapy-speak and emphasizing a disability to get her point across. But who knows, either way they don't seem to get along.
So there is likely a lot more that OOP is not sharing. Her history suggests she has a lot of interpersonal drama, and also had conflicts with previous roommates even though she says something in this post about never having conflicts with other roommates. Her previous conflict involved roommates leaving dishes dirty over several hours, leading to her sending a passive-aggressive group text and then asking the other roommates to pay her $20/hour for washing the dishes. (And this isn't even the worst one, she actually previously posted in legal advice about wanting to sue her former therapist for dropping her as a client and telling OOP she needed a higher level of care.)
If you check her posting history, the roommate texting her thinks it's a safety issue, even tho it doesn't really seem like it. OOP may seem obstinate, but she seems like less of a pain in the ass then the roommate.
Thanks, I was just doing a deep dive myself. Agreed that the safety concern seems bogus. I see OOP is really into Sarah J. Maas — maybe her roomie is a snob about having romantasy or YA titles on display? Which is ridiculous but it doesn’t sound like anybody involved is being particularly mature about the whole thing.
OP is a teacher and I did not get the impression this was student housing - rented rooms in an apartment.