i am 22 and live alone. I have a friend who is the same age as me with cheaper rent and a roommate. She seems like she lives a comfortable life and only pays $350 per month in rent. I’m happy that she is able to live that way but the problem is that i have told her multiple times that i am a poor person.
i love going out with her but its gotten to the point where she goes out every other week. I had declined multiple offers to go out in which she tries to guilt trip me until i go.
Her birthday was last week in which i scrambled to instacart and doordash until i made up enough money to afford her birthday dinner which i was told was a $30 asian buffet. When i got there the waitress said for an additional $5 we could order off of both buffet menus which everyone decided to go with. I WAS SWEATING SINCE I ONLY HAD $40. The waitress then proceeded to say that there was a ‘waist policy’ and we would be charged for whatever we did not eat.
the total was $46 after the system automatically added the service tip to the receipt. My card declined and i had to scramble to find extra change to pay it off. Luckily the waitress let me off for the 14 cents i still owed.
now without even asking she has signed me up for a new years eve party at a club and has already told numerous people that im going. the problem with that is that new year’s eve is JANUARY 1st and rent is due!!
i hate how inconsiderate she seems to be about my money situation.
Emphasize to her that you love going out with her, you always enjoy it, but the reality is that you cannot always afford it, and you need her to please understand that.
Just tell her straight out: "Bro, I'm going to die. I love hanging out with you, but I'm broke. If we go out, it's my food budget for the week. Either give me the real deal, or I'm staying home. No hard feelings."
Yesss, this is exactly me every time my bank account screams noooo but my friends are like let’s gooo. Gotta love them but also gotta survive rent.
She clearly already knows and simply doesn't care enough to respect your boundaries, which is a far bigger issue than just her needing to "understand."
My daughter and her friends get together at each others’ apartments. Game night. Karaoke. Movies. So much cheaper and more quality time. You have to live to your budget. Not hers.
Yes!! Honestly game nights or even just chilling at someone’s place beats stressing over $50 dinners any day. Cheaper, fun, and no one’s gonna guilt you for skipping out.
If she is a friend worth having, she will understand when you tell her that you need to pay your rent therefore will be unable to attend
Girl poor now rich later. It’s a hard ask, but if you’re scrambling to get a gift for someone just let them know that it’s hard for you. Be selfish and save up, keep money for yourself.
You’re an adult you have to be real with yourself and the people around you…
This person doesn't sound like much of a friend. A real friend wouldn't let you spend literally your last dime on their birthday.
It's time to just be blunt. "I can't afford to do (whatever activity she's asking of you)." She'll either get over it or she won't.
You’ll have to be blunt and lay it out for her. People have different definitions of “broke” and she might not understand that $20 can be make or break for you. Many people say they’re broke when they only have $500 disposable income that month.
I’ve been having this issue with my husband’s family. We had to explain that activities that cost money need to be clearly planned and be optional for us.
Communication is the key. Talk to her and kindly explain that while you love going out with her you can’t due to your financial circumstances. Perhaps suggest some activities to do without having to spend a dime! (Like staying in a watching a movie)
Stop overextending yourself to make this friendship work. Let her say whatever she wants, but if you make yourself miserable to afford her lifestyle that's your choice as a grown adult.
If you don't like interacting with her, stop interacting with her.
You can't control other people, only yourself. If you choose to keep engaging with "friends" who dont have compatible lifestyles, you'll just miss the possible friendships with people who do. And that won't be her choice, it'll be yours.
Maybe find another way of spending time with your friend. Save your money, stay home, get a pizza and she can bring a box of wine. Watch a movie!
Try not to pressure yourself- you don't have to keep up financially. BTW, It was a sweet thing you did, to celebrate her birthday that way.
I was much older than you are now when I moved back to Chicago from a cheap city. I was a freelancer, so my income didn’t change, but my expenses doubled. A friend here was put-off that I didn’t want to do expensive dinners all the time. I had to tell her flat-out that I love spending time with her, but my budget does not support expensive meals regularly. So just be direct. Spending time with anyone should not be a financial stressor.
I’d be finding myself a new friend. That is ridiculous that somebody would put you in those horrible financial situations and not even blink an eye. I would be texting this “friend“ and telling her I will not be there for New Year’s Eve. I have told you repeatedly I cannot afford these things. I hope you have fun with the people that you go with. Please do not sign me up for anything else. Good luck to you. Goodbye.
You gotta stop allowing people to treat you this way, you have to start making boundaries and that means you’re not going to be doing DoorDash and Instacart so that you can pay for some fancy meal that she wants to go to no no no done, you’re done. you’re completely and totally done with this woman. Start 2026 and a better place.
you are 22 years old. just do not go, i dont understand. you’re not a kid lol, no one can force you to do anything.
She should have the decency to consult with you before making plans. Have you sat her down and talked to her about it? If not time to do so and if she doesn’t like it time to say goodbye. She sounds a little selfish. She should ask you first before making plans.
She should be a lot more understanding rather than pressuring you...
Tell her that if she wants you to go out that badly, she can send you enough money to cover it.
Maybe she’s not particularly popular without you, and needs you to go along more than she needs the money?
Pressuring you into going is not cool. Doesn’t sound like a true friend to me.
Just be honest. If she a friend she'll understand. Don't break your back keeping her happy.
Go when you can and invite her to do things that are free. Swimming, biking, hiking…
You just have to be honest and very firm and set clear boundaries and expectations.
You have to explain that you want to but literally can’t because rent comes first and you’ll have 0 left.
I imagine she knows she's better off than you financially, so if the only time she wants to get together with you is to spend money, this may be a little bit of a flex. Makes me wonder how good of a friend she is, there are a million things to do with someone that doesn't involve spending money and making them feel overextended
I think she likes you and enjoys going outside with you.
Just be honest. If she’s a good friend she’ll understand. I had friends that I wanted to get out and my go to was usually, I’m buying.
There were times in my life when I couldn’t afford things. I came from a poor family and it took me a while to dig out.
Now my friends know I’ll just cover the bill so there’s never a worry. Sometimes other friend pickup the full tab, sometimes I do, sometimes we flip for it. For us, it’s more about having friends out, doing whatever we want to do and no one being left out.
If someone was taking advantage of, there might be a problem, but haven’t had a problem with that.
I think you need to have a conversation with her about your financial situation. . I understand you like to hang out with her but she should consider you often too
Are you sure your friends know you’re poor? As this particular friend expects a lot from you where money is concerned.
Let her tell people you are going, it’s your right not to show up…
I knew someone who said can I ask you something? - my reply to that person was “yes, but it’s my choice not to answer”
OP you have choices.
Just be honest and tell her. It sucks but it's simple - she's not paying your rent, your food, she's not your employer.
You come first. Your survival does. If she's a good friend, she will completely udnerstand. If shes not, she'll prove she's not a good friend and she can show herself the door.