You know you're making the right call. It's okay to miss it

The honeymoon phase was conducted by your guy's representative. The drunk who called and resulted in your cancelling dinner plans is the person you'll be dealing with from here on in. Let this go. He's not the one.

Let it go. It'll only get worse down the road.

The older you get, the more you see all the boring stuff that adults and the people you love do so that you can have honeymoon phases, like being able to be a child.

Honeymoon phase is the child phase. You don't have to take care of anyone or anything. So it's easy to have fun.

But stuff has to get taken care of. Real, sustainable happiness comes from knowing you and your people can take care of what needs to be done, so you can have the space to enjoy life like a kid sometimes. Or so you can give your own kids a childhood.

Honeymoon phase is fun - and ending a relationship that isn't working anymore means you have the chance to have it again with someone else. But it also means you can find someone who will want to make space for you to enjoy carefree impulsive moments throughout your life.

That's why songs don't last forever - they're only a few minutes. You need to feel other things too.

His relationship is with alcohol; not with you.

The honeymoon phase never ends when it’s the right person.

Leave him, please. If it’s meant to be, you can pick it up again when he’s a year sober.

Alcoholics are often narcissistic (different from NPD). It’s a cornerstone trait. This means they can be love bombers, seeming (edited for spelling) perfect and making a relationship some whirlwind crazy amazing… until it’s not. That’s my experience.

So, this won’t get better without sobriety, and AA suggests newly sober folks don’t date for the first year.

I’m sorry.

It would seem he has consistently been a man with an unhealthy drinking habit. What’s changed is your perception of those habits.

I’ve been with my bf 3.5 years and the honeymoon phase has never ended. Move on, better is out there.

Out of all things to have a problem with Ive seen first hand that alchahol is up there with the worst. The behaviour shifts, the deflecting, personality changes...etc on. I suppose if theyre not willing to admit they need help and do something about it..than I think you've subconsciously made up your decision.

In my life I got busy and was having too much fun. I feel like I blinked and almost 15 years had gone by. I’m 46 now and have no kids and am single. My advice is to run away from that unhealthy relationship so that time doesn’t smack you in the face like it did with me. Keep your head held high.

When you're going through the honeymoon phase, your body releases dopamine which pushes you onto enjoy the 'chase'. Once it passes, your body should be producing oxytocin (or the love hormone), which keeps you wanting to remain in the relationship. You're grieving because the dopamine has stopped, and unfortunately the love hormone has not kicked in. The lack of dopamine AND oxytocin leaves you feeling loss and grief.

Breaking it down with science makes getting over this guy a bit easier. He isn't for you.

Runaway

Short answer: yes, let it go. If the drinking is a problem now, it will continue to be a problem.

If you think he is an alcoholic, and you’re not interested in being in a relationship with one, yes, it’s time to say goodbye.

I commend you for having the emotional maturity to admit it was a honeymoon phase, and the wisdom to see the situation for what it is. Continue to trust your gut! The longer you spend with the wrong one just means less time with the right one.

Go ahead and grieve for the relationship that could have been, OP. The dream seemed so real, and now it's gone, and with it a lot of possible futures

Because yeah, once you realize the relationship is toxic, that's all there is to do.

The honeymoon phase is when the things that are “perfect” about the person wear off.

When I was dating my husband, I would always shave my legs before our dates. We’ve been married for 10 years now and you better believe he has seen me with unshaved legs.

Being drunk has nothing to do with the honeymoon phase. Drinking is an addiction that needs to be treated by a medical professional. You can encourage someone, but you cannot force them to seek treatment. And it is not your responsibility to spend months and years trying to prop this person up.

So yes, let it go. In a future relationship when the honeymoon phase ends, you will be so excited to still discover all of the new and wonderful things about this person.

Be smart. You know what you're getting into. Be smart and cut your losses. If you don't, you're in for a world of hurt.

You’re mourning the relationship it could have been. But it isn’t. Hugs, dear one. Stay strong.

Let it go. The honeymoon phase was an act. His endurance wore off and this is real him.

It is better to have found out now instead of marrying someone who is an alcoholic. I know it is sad but consider it a blessing in disguise. The universe will send you the right person.

Make better choices in your life.

Let it go. You had fun but only anger and pain are ahead. You can’t change him. Only he can and that is an arduous process. Save time and heartbreak. End it quickly. And don’t fall for his bs.

We have started having arguments especially around drinking. I knew who he was when I met him but it was so fun and exciting at first, now it angers me especially tonight when I’ve just made a beautiful meal for us both and he just called me drunk. I have told him not to come as it will ruin my evening. Now I am sat here really upset because I planned such a nice night for us.

I mean what a silly thing to do - to choose to date an alcoholic (who definitely is not in a fit place to consent to a relationship) and then argue at him about his drug use, as though an addict has direct control over it.

You absolutely, categorically should not have extended a relationship to a man in that state. Limit the damage and leave, and really check yourself because what you did was very morally dubious.

 The honeymoon should last more than a few months of dating. I know in my case I’ve been married for almost 25 years and it still feels like Christmas morning every day that I get to wake up next to my wife. 
 I think you already know the answer And I wish you well and I’m sure there’s someone better for you out there. Sending positive thoughts your way.

It's time to move on and find a better fit. If it's this bad a few months in, it'll be worse a few years in. That's the point of dating, seeing if you're a match something more serious and long term. You found out this isn't it. It sucks, but don't stay around for it.

Alcoholism is a rough one. Don’t let it drain the life out of you by staying; your gut is telling you the right thing.

End it now before it gets worse

Please let him go because it will only get worse for you !! I know from experience!!

Have you told him verbatim the words that you've written here?

You're probably incompatible and you probably should end it. That's reading between the lines of what you wrote.

However just looking at what you literally put into words I can add:

1/ you don't explain what you argued about regarding drinking. what you said, what he said, what if any agreements or ultimatums were made. Did someone abuse the other? How deep has the topic been discussed? Does he know exactly what your issue is? Do you know exactly what his position is?

Without this knowledge it's not possible to say whether he could change or wants to change or what compromise could be found.

Is there anything else you don't like about him and want to change? What does he not like about you and does he want you to change?

A thorough understanding of these issues would shed light on whether anything here is salvageable.

2/ did he know you were planning the meal and had he agreed to come over before he got drunk?

If so, you have every right to be angry with him.

If not, then you don't have that right. He isn't a mind reader and didn't know you had spent all this effort. You can be angry at him for getting drunk again, but not about spoiling your dinner plans. And despite being angry, if he never agreed to stop drinking during any of your arguments, well then he didn't do anything to violate any promise. So yeah, on this evenings plans not his fault.

End of the day, it's completely your decision to stay or go. If he doesn't agree to stop, the balls in your court to act. You can't stay and then get angry when he does this. You know he will drink, he said he will drink, your responsibility to own it if you choose the relationship and he then let's you down. If you don't like it, leave, don't rant.

You need to let this go...good luck to you op

I’m sorry. It’s very sad when we realize we’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t exist.

As someone who dated a high functioning alcoholic once, leave him. It's sad, but it's for the best. You can't fix him, he doesn't want to be fixed.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some are great for a short while. Take this for what it was and move on. Don’t get invoked with addicts; it’s not your job to fix these men. You deserve better

He will always choose alcohol over you as long as he is in his addiction.

Get out asap. If he gets sober, and you are still single, maybe you'll give him a 2nd chance. Maybe you won't. You have to do what YOU think is best for you.

I teamed up with an alcoholic female. Moved in with her and the real vampire came out. Baled fast. You do not need this drama in your life. So now you know in future dating NO alcohol. After poor dating I had to come up with my standards , no clubbing,no drugs,none smoker, owned her house,stable mind set, no drama. It worked, 37 years married now.

Move on. He doesn’t have what you need. Ask yourself if you might perhaps also have a problem with alcohol. While people often deflect their own issues onto others, it’s always possible.

Reality has insisted that you give up your dream. It was never real, and while that's disappointing it does show you that the way you choose partners is very faulty. Maybe take a look at that as you detach from the alcoholic, whom you cannot save.

I'm so sorry, girl. That hurts. And I'm sure you don't want to be alone during the Holidays, but be grateful it only took months to figure out he's an abusive drunk.

You deserve better. There ARE better guys out there!

Take some time to understand why you picked him. Then resolve not to make that mistake again.

I wish you true love, sooner rather than later! 💜

No. You’re right but also in your late 20s you begin to notice which people are drinking people and who aren’t. The question is do you want to be in a relationship with that? Sometimes a relationship has run its course

Find out now before you are any further . You'll save heartache later. I moved across the country for one. After the honeymoon phase was over I was stuck with a boring drunk

People are usually not that person they showed us in the beginning. We slowly get to know each other, and if it is too much so early on, and you are already thinking of letting him go, then do so. He might need this to get the heads-up from someone important, because this is not nice behaviour. And you deserve to be happy. It is normal to feel sad, you are already grieving. After you get through the grief, you can have another honeymoon, maybe with someone who doesn't have addictions.

Tell me something girl. Are happy in this modern world?

A drinking problem is not the honeymoon phase ending.

It's a drinking problem.

Worth noting that you're already softening his addiction for him by saying it's "honeymoon phase" stuff.

If you continue this relationship, that seems what will likely be the coping strategy for you. "It's not that bad." "It's only sometimes." "But he apologized." "He said he will quit."

He has a drinking problem. His problem will become yours. Every problem in a relationship affects both people, right?

Tell him, in a non-judegmental way, that you would like to continue the relationship but need him to address his drinking.

It's win/win for you in that conversation (though it will be awkward).

Either he agrees to change and does. Or says he won't.

So you get to see if he will change now instead of after 5, 10, 20 years of alcohol abuse. Or you see he won't change and then you leave with a clear conscience.

Time to move on. He has been trying to show you the person you wanted to see but the alcoholic always peeks through.

Its OK ! This is called Marriage !

No, you can’t live in the honeymoon phase forever.

The person you had the amaxing few months with isnt your boyfriend. That person is your drunk boyfriend, they aren't ghe same person.

You can leave him or have a serious talk about helping him become "Him".

Yeah probably don't date someone who drinks a bunch if you don't like drunks going forward.

It was always a fantasy. He has an addiction and you are just waking up to that reality. You should be rejoicing that this was only a few months, not sad.

Yes. Save yourself.

It sounds like this is not what you are looking for in a relationship and partner.

He's an alcoholic. Tell him to clean up for you, or you'll leave. If he's serious, he'll commit to YOU and not alcohol

The honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end… but blatantly ignoring red flags does. It’s hard, but I would let this guy go; hold on for a ma who will give you a honeymoon phase that lasts.

It will get worse, because to be honest the honeymoon phase never really ends with the right person. It may change and take new views and heads but it doesn’t “end”. It is usually something that makes you look back fondly with that person, not longing or missing, because you should be happy and in the next stage happily. Save yourself this trouble love.

Deleted my first comment after I reread the post. Obviously there’s a lot we don’t know about your guys’s relationship, but it sounds to me like you need to go to couples therapy or split up. Just also try to see your part in this.

Better to find out now vs 5 years from now with 1 kid, 1 on the way and a great big mortgage. Time to move on.

Been there, you have to put yourself first. Maybe he'll square himself up and there's a future for you both

The guy who called you drunk is the reality of what the relationship will be. It's okay to say goodbye to that.

It's also okay to be sad about missing the fun times you had - but don't lose sight of why you're not continuing the relationship.

Yes. !! Unfortunately he wont change it will only go. Down hill from hear your feeling like this for reason. Listen to the little. Voice you already know the answer . Or you wouldnt be asking the question. !! You feel. It for a reason. I just. Went thru. Something sounds identical i didnt listen. Cause. I wanted to honey. Phase. Not to end. It completey. Blow up and backfired. I wish. I listened to my intuition. So badly.

I had the same experience. Was madly in love with a guy who checked all the boxes then I realized that he drank every day. It was fun when we were partying at the beach with friends but then I saw that he drank after work and would go on a bender every month or so. I broke up with him, stopped drinking heavily & met my husband. Don’t waste your time on this guy.

That initial days were a fake person. Now comes the reality.

If it’s early try to let it go and move on, don’t waste your good years trying to fix him, it’s not your job and trust me he won’t change unless he decided that himself and u don’t want to keep waiting. If he gives u headache this early… definitely he’s not the one

You're young, there's no reason to delay this. You'll find someone more compatible. Don't let this decision paralysis force you into not making the right decision.

Heck yeah, that is a very healthy and mature realization! You’re in the right here but it doesn’t make it easier

Just make sure you do not end up with more problem and liquor intoxication as life can be he'll.male here aged 80 next year and am extremely disciplined.

Its like when someone chooses an adventurous partner full of spontaneity and they find out they want a partner instead that they can rely on.

Thank God you’re coming out of the honeymoon phase! You’re starting to see clearly and this reality ain’t pretty. Move on and don’t waste any more of your time with this one.

This isn't "the honeymoon phase ", this is you realising you're not into him and that's okay!

It takes around 3 months of frequent contact w someone to say you know them. If after a few months now things feel worse, it's because you're seeing how they actually are. It doesn't tend to get better from there, that's just them and you're seeing it now.

And obviously the alcoholism will change them too but if they're not willing to get help with it, it only tends to get worse from there.

As someone who's been w their partner for 4 years and never felt the honeymoon phase really leave, I'm saying it's possible and you should find someone who makes you fall for them even more as time passes