This feels like having first world problems but dating started to feel more draining the more options I had like at first having a lot of matches seemed like a good thing but after some time it just made settling down harder. People I encountered seemed half-assed when it came to dating like theyd reply while working then forget who said what and never really get excited about meeting irl. They wasnt bad or bording but it was that my brain was constantly comparing the current partner with the previous one instead of just being present
Dating stopped feeling like meeting another human and started feeling like managing work like Id open an app after finishing work scroll for like 30min and then close it feeling more tired than before. I wasnt burned out from dating itself I was burned out from choice.Adulting already comes with enough things to do every day and adding dating on top of that made it feel like work instead of something I wanted. So I might just step out of it for a while until i find something more reliable.
Strongly agree. Constantly seeing new options made everyone feel replaceable, even when there was real potential. Dating got better once I removed that dynamic.
Jumping in to share what worked for me was taking choice out of it altogether. I tried a matchmaking app like Arrows that matches based on preferences, and it made everything feel more human and less disposable.
App name?
Already mentioned it. Its the Arrows app.
If you choose one option then enjoy
Until that one option screws you over lol
Will do. Hopefully my sanity comes as a bonus prize
I see dating as added spice in life, not a requirement.
If it doesn't feel like a spice in life, why do it?
That's a well made point. I've finally come to that conclusion after struggling on the apps too
I’m the opposite but got to the same end result. Having absolutely no options made me lose interest in dating. Tough to get excited when you feel invisible and that you’ll never be truly special to anyone. It is what it is.
At the end of the day we’re all on a big spinning rock in the middle of an infinitely large universe, and there’s an infinitesimal chance of us even existing. Dating struggles aren’t ideal, but they also aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. The gamified nature of dating apps is contributing to our societal collapse, and it’s our responsibility to just find a way to enjoy life the best we can
I had the same experience. Felt invisible. It was horrible for my mental health. Now if it happens it happens. If it doesn't then oh well. I'm pretty happy with my kids and myself.
it’s wild how opposite experiences still land in the same numb place, either way it stops feeling human once it feels like a system instead of a person, the interest just fades
Man the dating app paradox is real - too many options vs no options but we all end up in the same burnt out place anyway
The "infinitesimal chance of existing" thing hits different when you're swiping through people like they're amazon products lol. Maybe we're all just taking this whole thing way too seriously when we should be focusing on like, idk, not letting algorithms decide our love lives
Don't use apps. Find a hobby group or something that meets regularly and meet people through that.
Dating apps suck. Get a hobby and meet people there
Welcome to the dating app rat race-it’s exhausting, right
It's the paradox nobody talks about, more options = less satisfaction. Your brain's literally wired to notice when there's better available so you're always window shopping instead of actually settling in.
Sometimes the best thing for dating is not dating. Let it become something that happens organically instead of something you have to manage. The people worth your time are usually found through actual life, not algorithms anyway.
Gotta be organic. Im 40. Married for almost 15. If that ended id never use an app. Id also never commit like this again. Im a one and done kinda person involving this much emotion and effort. We have a beautiful family full stop. If you cant casually meet someone then id say there is no point. Apps aren't organic or putting thousands of years of human evolution and interaction into them. Find your save adult environment and see what happens. Goodluck friend
Thinking you have too many options is a sheer delusion.
You think they are your options to be in a relationship with… you are utterly wrong.
Have a deep dive into dating.. you will know how hard it is to find someone you like and how difficult it is to have that someone to equally like you.
You have lots of matches because you swipe right on a lot of people… if you are selective when swiping, you won’t get overwhelming marches. Be selective. I swipe right on every 100-200 men.
Kudos to you for knowing when to step away, I was considering jumping in the dating pool earlier this year but held off after I got laid off.
Like you said so many things to focus your time on as an adult NBD if dating isn’t one of them
Yeah me too and also going on dates with abusive jerks
You've hit the nail on the head. Navigating through endless options drains enthusiasm, turning potential connections into mere tasks. The real joy of meeting people lies in genuine interactions, not in swiping mindlessly. Take that break; focusing on what really matters will refresh your perspective and help you rediscover meaningful connections when you're ready to dive back in.
First issue: calling a "dating app" dating.
They aren't options if you can't even get to seeing them in real life.
I like having so many options because I can filter really aggressively.
I know absolutely what I want and don’t want, and how to get information that is indicative of certain behaviors.
I get a new batch of matches and narrow it way down. Don’t talk to them all at once, and only respond when I feel like it.
I’ve met some really great guys. Had to end it with two so far this year because it just wasn’t right. Both were a damn shame and super hard to walk away from, and each guy is better than the last.
So, I believe my process is working.
When I don’t feel like talking, I take a break from it all.
I’m also asking men out in public. If I see something I want, I go for it. Have only been turned down by a married guy! He waited until the last minute to tell me he was married, too. But it was a good conversation.
And I hooked up last night with a guy I hit on while I was picking up some food the other day.
I’m out here having fun before I eventually die. The right one will come along.
Someone’s following rules 1 and 2.
In all seriousness, I’m glad to hear there is a woman who is open to approaching men. Good for you.
What rules?
It’s an internet joke. Rule 1 is be attractive and Rule 2 is don’t be unattractive
Oh, true🥰 but I’m not a supermodel or anything. Just regular pretty and confident. Confidence is key. Some guy literally complimented my way of moving through a crowd last night. It was cute. I wish he’d have been:(
And shit, that makes you right twice on the rules.
Ouch, poor guy. Out of curiosity, are you in a big city?
I am not. I’m in a small southern college town.
Oh nice! My friend and I have traveled throughout the US and on one of the nights in each are it was fun to go to bars and meet random people. This past year we ended up in Bozeman MT and Charleston SC and had good conversations with cool people
I feel you, felt the same and deleted my dating apps because it was exhausting and having hidden profiles almost feels like a game.
It’s an advent calendar
Interesting way to think about it. Every day is a new match that lasts until the next day because they flake/ghost. Apps ain’t it
The thought came to me as I was writing the comment. Yeah the chat ends so you go and unveil a new person
I like it. As a guy it’s hard to approach women in person as well. I don’t want to scare anyone and it’s hard to find something worthwhile to randomly say to a stranger. For instance, if I see an attractive woman in the gift card aisle do I bother her and ask who she’s shopping for? Do I point out a funny card nearby? Probably none of the above
Stop using dating apps.
Sounds like a problem with online dating vs meeting someone in person
Yup I tried the apps again this year annnddddd I’m never doing it again. It’s overkill, we were never meant to view other people in a meat market with that many options. It overwhelms our brains.
I had the opposite experience. I never got a single match in the 15 years I was using dating apps. Now I don't bother trying and I'll just die alone and miserable.
Millions of self same likeliness and behavior has done that for me. What I mean is that after dating even one woman who embodies all the negative qualities you see online in recent years then you’ve basically dated them all.
Now of course, consolidating an entire gender from one example is unreasonable and unfair. That’s why I said “millions” at the beginning of the reply. But my point still stands. If you’re anyone like me who lives in a westernized society, especially the U.S, then you already know what you’re up against. Even if you wanted to change that it’s not so simple nor practical to just up and leave everything you’ve known in search for love abroad. I mean hell… It’s even a challenge in of itself to travel/move cities let alone states.
Anyway, that’s why majority of people just play the easy game and go for convenience and temporary pleasure than romance. That or they don’t play at all. It’s honestly sad how things are. You would think seeing how far we’ve come as a species, a lot of things, not just dating and marriages, would’ve become simpler but it’s the exact opposite.
Shame…