I find this particularly funny because one of the few times when i saw a psychologist as part of the main cast of a TV series is with Lucifer. Yes, the series about Satan.
Genesis 38:8–9
“Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother.
Exodus 20:14
You shall not commit adultery.
Exodus 22:16
If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
Proverbs 5:15–19
… Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Ezekiel 23:2
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Solomon 7:6-13
Your stature is like a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.
It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
gliding over lips and teeth.
Romans 13:9
For the commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery
Deut. 25:11 When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
If a virgin is raped, she must marry her rapist and remain married to him for life (Deuteronomy 22:28–30), but if an unmarried woman has consenting sex with another man, she must be stoned to death on her father’s doorstep. (Deuteronomy 22:20–21)
I'm hoping that religious people have a mind of their own and determine whether a thing is moral, instead of blindly following it, so they will only follow the moral ones
I’m sorry, I was raised agnostic and now identify as atheist so Iv never had actual bible teaching. Is that genesis 38:8-9 advocating for fucking your sister in law as long as you pull out?
No, pulling out is forbidden! It's a "waste of seed" that got people like Kellogg's to hate masturbation!
But if your brother is away and unable to put babies into his wive, you gotta step up and do it for him, the bible says!
And don't forget the punishment for women having sex out of wedlock: death if you like it, become properity of your rapust if it was against your will.What do rapists get? A new wife!
I believe it's saying that Onan's brother died, and so he was expected to knock the SIL up because she hadn't had a child yet, but he kept pulling out so was punished for that.
You bring up a passage that has some very conflicting information, but a Christian subreddits explain it away (don’t agree with it and it still is huge contradiction / “take her” equates rape, because it doesn’t consider the virgins’ consent at all).
It's hilarious how these "Christians" will get offended by other books for having sexual content, but because all of this is in the Bible it is fine. Either that or these are the parts they don't read/don't acknowledge/don't remember.
I would love a black cat, Iv promised my daughter we can start looking in shelters in January ( I want no part of the kitten for Xmas ) we have a calico called nala and a tabby called simba
PEWS enrichment. Could also be SPEW, but that just sounds like something a bad writer would make up to mock her own antislavery character for no good reason.
We should honestly start a fundraiser for his travel costs. Maybe start like some kind of a plate that we make people pay into or stipend their income? Oh no that would be silly
I love those late night spells with your coven where you're naked and learning about evolution after the chanting. In the morning, we have impromptu therapy session to check in on everyone.
I really think the lotions made under full moons are the best ones. We meet so many werewolves every month, it's hard to keep track.
damn. if i knew all i needed to do to get the degree in psychology and gender studies ive been pursuing was to ask the devil, i wouldve done that significantly sooner!
I find this particularly funny because one of the few times when i saw a psychologist as part of the main cast of a TV series is with Lucifer. Yes, the series about Satan.
The best part is how in the finale he ends up being Hell's shrink, copying the Earth shrink's office
Doesn’t the Bible teach sexuality?
Genesis 38:8–9 “Go in to your brother’s wife and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother.
Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery.
Exodus 22:16 If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife.
Proverbs 5:15–19
… Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Ezekiel 23:2
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Solomon 7:6-13
Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.
Romans 13:9 For the commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery
Deut. 25:11 When two men are fighting and the wife of one of them intervenes to drag her husband clear of his opponent, if she puts out her hand and catches hold of the man by his privates, you must cut off her hand and show her no mercy.
If a virgin is raped, she must marry her rapist and remain married to him for life (Deuteronomy 22:28–30), but if an unmarried woman has consenting sex with another man, she must be stoned to death on her father’s doorstep. (Deuteronomy 22:20–21)
Don't get me started on greek mythology
I literally couldn't keep being religious after reading all this BS and realizing that people, in fact, do believe in this.
Look at this:
They “not only” believe in it, they often don’t even really follow it, but will expect others to follow everything to a “t”.
I'm hoping that religious people have a mind of their own and determine whether a thing is moral, instead of blindly following it, so they will only follow the moral ones
I’m sorry, I was raised agnostic and now identify as atheist so Iv never had actual bible teaching. Is that genesis 38:8-9 advocating for fucking your sister in law as long as you pull out?
I might be misremembering but I think god gets upset that he pulled out and kills the guy
No, pulling out is forbidden! It's a "waste of seed" that got people like Kellogg's to hate masturbation!
But if your brother is away and unable to put babies into his wive, you gotta step up and do it for him, the bible says!
And don't forget the punishment for women having sex out of wedlock: death if you like it, become properity of your rapust if it was against your will.What do rapists get? A new wife!
I believe it's saying that Onan's brother died, and so he was expected to knock the SIL up because she hadn't had a child yet, but he kept pulling out so was punished for that.
Biblically accurate smut
“Go forth and fuck your sister in law”.”
What the fuck are the last two paragraphs?!?
We all know that these "Christians" don't actually read the Bible. This is coming from an atheist who has read the Bible multiple times.
"The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible." - Widely attributed to Mark Twain.
How in the world do Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22:28-30 and 22:20-21 coexist?? Not even gonna mention the "do not commit adultery"
You bring up a passage that has some very conflicting information, but a Christian subreddits explain it away (don’t agree with it and it still is huge contradiction / “take her” equates rape, because it doesn’t consider the virgins’ consent at all).
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%2022%3A28-30&version=NLV
Lots of mental gymnastics and denial of rape /punishment of rape here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueChristian/comments/yhmsr2/please_explain_deuteronomy_222829/
It's hilarious how these "Christians" will get offended by other books for having sexual content, but because all of this is in the Bible it is fine. Either that or these are the parts they don't read/don't acknowledge/don't remember.
thanks satan
r/thankssatan
r/subsithoughtifellfor
Dude used singular they
😱
The Devil taught him that!!!!!!
"Dad, I wanna be a psychologist"
(Also btw, isn't there a passage in the bible that goes, "fools despices wisdom" or something)
Lol thay don't read the Bible thay just cherry pick the scripture thay want to pander to their hate
Wow! The devil sounds so informed!
Indeed, he is spreading his knowledge to all 😇
i wanna learn witchcraft
Just shout random shit in your room at 3am, that's about 80% of it 👍
Ah that’s why cats are witches
coincidentally my cat is named salem lol
I would love a black cat, Iv promised my daughter we can start looking in shelters in January ( I want no part of the kitten for Xmas ) we have a calico called nala and a tabby called simba
Guess what? I'll shout skibidi gyat 67 in order to call for the brainrot demon
Leave
BRO I WAS JUSTJ JOKING😭😭😭😭
aww but im sleeping at those times can i not be a hot goth witch and get enough sleep?
No, half of being goth is being sleep deprived
Good they need to learn
good for him
Nice of this Satan dude to offer knowledge so freely while the other guy demands to be loved like some demented prom queen.
Remember kids, trust what your psychologist prescribes you or this will be you
Hell yeah free witchcraft classes? I didn't know the devil was chill like that
they shouldn't try to make the devil so appealing lol.
The devil sounds like my found family mom then
The Bible never said the Devil was a man so technically they could be
I think you mean found family demom. 👹👵🏼👺
Damn, seriously? A free STEM enrichment program?
PEWS enrichment. Could also be SPEW, but that just sounds like something a bad writer would make up to mock her own antislavery character for no good reason.
oh i got taught to obey jesus. i taught myself evolution, human sexuality, psychology, and witchcraft :3
So... you're the Devil? 😯
my parents think so
These idiots have always done a horrible job making the devil look bad.
I don't see a problem 🤷 where's the devil at so he can teach me shit
The Devil went down to Georgia
Georgia is lovely this time of year 😂 let's goooo
Get your fiddles tuned and ready…
And sit down on that stump...
🎶Fire on the mountain run boys run🎶
The Country in Europe or the State, because you could go to the wrong place 😅
Good for the devil. He’s got so much going on but still finds the time to devote a few hours each week to teaching kids
And with the travel costs, he's not even getting paid this is technically charity work!!
We should honestly start a fundraiser for his travel costs. Maybe start like some kind of a plate that we make people pay into or stipend their income? Oh no that would be silly
Without even needing to get student loans? Welp, call me Faust and sign me up!
idk why I read it as Minecraft
The Devil will teach your child Minecraft 😈⛏️ 😱
Once again the devil teaching humans with the knowledge God should have taught them in first place.
Once again, the right is threatening us with a good time.
What im hearing is the devil is pretty cool
Joke's on him! I was taught all five!
I wonder if they’ll ever notice how awesome they make the devil sound!!
Big up for the devil!
Can’t believe I paid to go to college to study psychology
So then a greatly reduced cost education?
What have they got against psychology?
They say God can cure mental illnesses and don't believe in therapy (some not all)
That's odd, cos last time I checked I still had all my mental illnesses
Well the Devil believes in therapy apparently 😭
What a great out of context sentence
Damn the devil is doing more education than the American school system.
But only one doesn't need your soul It's the Devil
Lol
I was so confused because at first read i missed the "don't"
I love those late night spells with your coven where you're naked and learning about evolution after the chanting. In the morning, we have impromptu therapy session to check in on everyone.
I really think the lotions made under full moons are the best ones. We meet so many werewolves every month, it's hard to keep track.
Is that just me?
This park ranger sounds like he’s from the 1820’s
three out of four things here are very important to know and the fourth one would just be cool as fuck
Psychology would be cool as fuck 🤔
I meant witchcraft
I think everyone should have at least a basic knowledge of the other three
r/whoooosh
i personally think it would be cool to know witchcraft
Damn no tuition even??
Don't forget science and logic! And empathy!
At least the devil accepts me for who I am!
The Devil provides free education!
Dangerously close to the plot of Netflix Castlevania
"sexuality" not you telling your child to love the opposite sex 😭
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
The Devil is just a cool nickname for their high school teacher
He’s wrong, I was raised to follow Jesus and I also learned witchcraft! Evolution, psychology and sexuality were just a bonus.
damn. if i knew all i needed to do to get the degree in psychology and gender studies ive been pursuing was to ask the devil, i wouldve done that significantly sooner!
Ohhhhhh I’ma Gonna give my soul to the Lucifer!
Thanks Satan👍🏼
Sinday School
Aww shiiiit, sign me up!
The devil will teach them things that will better their lives and well-being! What a crime!
I get to learn witchcraft?!?!?? Neat!!
I always find it funny how these "Christians" make the Devil sound really cool.
Damn that’s a good deal!
Hail Lord Satan 666