So I(25F) have been married to my husband(27M) for 5 years now. 3 years ago he unfortunately suffered an accident that left him quadriplegic while I was pregnant of our second child. Now I've had to take care of him more than I care for my 2 toddlers ages 5 and 3, and it's pretty stressing to be honest, but I do anything for my family because I love them. Ask me anything while it's Christmas Eve, I'm here on the room with my husband.
How's your husbands' health? How's your health? Does the oldest understand what happened to their dad? You must be one pretty tough woman! Hugs! And Merry Christmas! I hope you have many happy years together, and good luck with the kiddos!
My husband's health is not the best with his condition, but I do what I can to keep him comfortable. Recently he got a urinary infection, so I took him to the doctor, but it's nothing severe, we just have to be careful with his catheters.
My oldest child kinda understands what happened to his dad, so he was sad when he learned his dad was not gonna be able to ride the bike with him or anything like that. Even though my child thinks his dad is gonna walk again, and has told his dad to try walking, even though it's not possible. My oldest child has even asked Santa Claus to make his dad be able to walk again. He'll understand better as he gets older.
Merry Christmas to you too!
Has he had any episodes with high blood pressure?
In a couple of occassions with autodysreflexia, but he got the care he needed.
I'm glad to hear that! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family!
Just hopped by to say I hope you have a merry Christmas, and the best wishes. You are a wonderful wife and mother, you should be proud
Thanks! Merry Christmas!
Second that
I have arthritis in my knees and feel like such a burden to my wife. I can't do what I used to do. Is he feeling the same way? How is he dealing with these feelings?
Yes. He feels that way. He's sad because he can no longer carry his children nor play with our oldest child as he used to. He has told me he feels less of a man because he can't work nor help around the house. We have gone to therapy.
So sorry to hear that. I hope he can find something to do that can give him a sense of accomplishment and value.
I don't know if he has any skill as an author, but that might give him a sense of purpose and find some enjoyment.
Can you explain what the accident was? Just curious
He was involved in a car accident where he crashed with a distracted driver impacting directly on his seat. That resulted on his neck breaking.
Did you receive enough money in a lawsuit to afford help, a cleaner, a cook, an au pair?
Not enough. Only to pay my husband's medical bills and his wheelchair.
What country are you in? It seems like even if you are in the US where medical care isn’t the best, you’d at least have access to a home care taker during the day through Medicaid or adult daycare at no cost.
I read your response to my husband who works in auto insurance claims and he is absolutely shocked at the settlement of only medical and money for a wheelchair. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need assistance locating resources, I’ve assisted others with similar things before
I'm in USA. Yes, medical care is expensive, and Meeicare doesn't cover much.
I'm sorry to hear you are his carer, I hope you have support
Can you still have sex? Do you have any intimacy? How do you handle your stress and cope?
Lots of love xxxx
No, his genitalia doesn't work, and that's why we haven't had sex. He feels the desire to, but to be honest, I don't feel like having sex with him on his condition.
I cope by watching TV or things online that can make me forget a bit about my problems.
Blessings and merry Christmas! My husband has cerebral palsy and is a wheelchair user also; my heart goes out to you. Do you have much support? Especially from family and friends?
No, I don't have support. My family members live in other cities.
Are you contemplating moving to be near family members? And if you did, do you think that they would actually help you or would it be the fake offers of help?
My parents live in the UK and my siblings in other states. It would be hard to move, and their homes are not wheelchair friendly.
What is your favourite thing to do for fun, as a couple and as a family?
We sometimes go out, but we prefer staying inside to watch movies because it's complicated for my husband to go outside in his wheelchair.
God bless you and your family
Thanks. God bless you too.
Do you have some kind of help? Caregiver burnout is so real
No unfortunately.
How have you managed to stay together? It’s so sad but also seems like such a barrier. Were there any discussions of a divorce?
We have stayed together because of the children, the children can't be happy without seeing their dad. When he had his accident, he didn't talk about divorce, he talked about euthanasia, but I managed to convince him to live even if he's sometimes depressed. But yes, we sometimes have conflicts, but he doesn't have the fault he can't help around the family.
you are blessed to have each other. do you get bitter and depressed about what has happened to you. was you young when the accident happened to you?
Yes, I sometimes get deoressed about what happened widhing my husband could walk again. I was 22 when the accident happened.
wishing you a very happy christmas as a family and a good new year
Merry Christmas!
What level is your husband's injury? Is it a complete or incomplete injury?
C4 complete injury.
How many years of your life (from the end) would you trade to undo the accident?
As much as possible to have a happy life. But living in reality, there's nothing I can do. We have to accept the fact that he'll be disabled for the rest of his life, unless some miraculous medical advancement happens that can help him.
Damn I’m sorry to hear. Was there a chance you guys could have fought more in the lawsuit?
No unfortunately.
No questions really, just want to say you and your family are very strong ❤️ More power to you and much love to your kids. Merry Christmas and have a happy, healthy New Year.
Thank you. Merry Christmas to you too!
Do you work?
Yes.
How do you balance work and taking care of your husband and kids?
I have to tske care of my husband more. I already have my routine where I'll get my husband from bed in the morning, shower him, help him cath, changing his diapers, dressing him, and feeding him. I leave him home alone with accomodations, so he can stay safe and comfortable, and I drive my children at daycare, and then I go to work. When I come back, I give my husband dinner, and help him cath again. I also have to fidcipline my children.
He doesn't get a personal care attendant provided by Medicaid?
No.
There is another woman in one of my working mom groups whose husband is a quad and forces her to be his caregiver because he doesn't "want" any strangers.
ETA: I hope that you're not in her boat.
My husband doesn't like strangers, and to be honest me neither.
That's fair, I just feel for you having to do it all. :(
Are you in the US?
Yes.
You should be able to get some medicaid or assistance to help you with home health. you deserve it.
Does he not need to be repositioned every two hours?
Not every 2 hours, he can stay hours without repositioning, but his electric wheelchair also has a functionality to reposition him when he wants to.
Where are his parents or does he have siblings?
Both his parents have passed away and he has no siblings.
Do you think you would ever get into poly relationship and add a able bodied man in your lives? He could help you with the children and caregiving, and give you what your husband isn’t able to.
No. I feel like that's cheating, and it would break my husband's heart.
How long do you think you would be able to do this for? It seems like you aren't really living..
Do you also work outside the home? If not, what is your financial situation? This sounds so hard, I'm sorry to both of you that you're in this position.
Yes. I work outside home. My financial situation is not the best, I'm lower middle class, so it's hard to afford many things we need.
How does it work for him while you're working?
I leave him home alone on his wheelchair and make sure his wheelchair has enough power and that things are comfortable for him. He stays mostly on his room, sometimes doing tasks I tell him to do like making shopping lists for me, making lists about things we need to fix around the house, or receiving packages I request at home. And he also has an Alexa there which allows him to call me if he needs something or do emergency calls if he needs them which fortunately he never has needed to do.
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Next time I feel overwhelmed and frustrated with my 2 toddlers im going to think of your situation and shut my pie hole. Sending you best wishes and ongoing strength. Merry Christmas super mom
Do you still have a sex life?
No.
No question, just wanted to wish you and your family the happiest Christmas day!
It's actually Christmas day here.