Sorry, it's a long one! I (26F) and my boyfriend "Leo" (25M) and I have been together for almost 8 years. Our relationship is genuinely very solid: we communicate well, we’re very affectionate, and multiple friends regularly tell us we’re “the healthy couple” and ask us for advice. Leo and I talk about marriage, he has told me he wants to propose, and we are very much in love.
My best friend of 15 years, Camille (25F), knows all of this and is part of the friends who come for advice.
A few weeks ago, we went on a short trip to an amusement park with Leo, our best friend Max, Camille, and one of her friends. Important context: I was quite sick at the time, and exhausted. I still pushed myself to go because I hadn’t seen Camille in a while and didn’t want to disappoint anyone.
On the drive there, there was a moment that later got blown completely out of proportion. I asked Leo to keep a water bottle with him in the front because there was no space in the back. Later, while driving, I asked for it because my head was killing me and I needed to take something. He then told me he had put it in the trunk.
I was tired, sick, and frustrated, and I reacted by saying something along the lines of “fuck babe, I asked you to keep it with you!”. I wasn’t yelling or insulting him, just clearly annoyed. Max said “we can stop the car if you want,” and I laughed it off and said “no no, it’s really not that serious.” We moved on immediately. I apologized to Leo when we arrived, and that was the end of it. He doesn’t even remember this moment.
The following Monday, my first day at my internship, Camille texted me at 8am saying: “Hey [My full name], are you available tonight? I’d like to talk about something.”
She knows that vague messages like this trigger my anxiety badly. When I asked what it was about because it was making me anxious, she dismissed my stress, said "the sun wasn't going to explode" and that my reaction was abnormal.
Before even talking to me, she then texted my boyfriend a long message about how my behavior was worrying, how our relationship could look toxic from outside, how I was manipulative without realizing it because of bpd, that it's abnormal to cater to my needs "just because I'm autistic", and how he was minimizing things. She made extreme comparisons (including domestic violence), and implied multiple times he was too blind to see it, and added that she saw a psychologist for a toxic relationship so she knows what she's talking about.
Leo was shocked. He called her and told her she was completely out of line, that talking about me like that was inappropriate, and that using my diagnoses against me was not okay. After that, he didn't want anything to do with her again.
Later, Camille and I finally spoke on the phone. With me, she was nice, asking about my day and such. But she also suddenly adopted a very condescending, pseudo-therapist tone and started telling me I had whatever syndrome, implying I project emotions onto others, and telling me I should “work on that with my therapist.” And no, she is not a psychologist. She then proceeded to make more comparisons like "if you saw my bf hit me and me laughing it off, would you not talk to him?" And i said no, that I would talk to HER first. She later admitted that our relationship is not toxic, but said it could look like it from outside...
What hurt me the most wasn’t just the judgment but the fact that she tried to convince my boyfriend he was wrong about his own relationship, and doubled down even when he told her she was wrong.
After that call, I told her I needed time and didn’t message her for a month. I reflected a lot and even felt ready to talk again calmly. I reached out twice, a week apart. No response. I tried calling once; she refused the call. Only the next day did she finally answer with a long message saying she stood by everything she said, that she no longer wanted to “fight for this relationship” (when I was the one always crawling back to her), that our values didn’t align and we just didn't see it before, and that she wanted to distance herself from us.
She also blamed me for saying things like “I don’t intervene if it’s not my problem” (when that's not what I said) and said she didn’t want to be a witness to things she found uncomfortable. She said her choice was final and demanded I respect it.
I didn't even know what to say, knowing that there was nothing I could say that wouldn't be turned around, so I blocked her and removed myself from shared group chats.
Now I’m left grieving a 15-year friendship and questioning everything, even though my boyfriend and friends fully support me and agree she crossed a massive line.
So… AITA in this situation?
NTA- she wants your bf
Oh yeah I guess I forgot to mention, shes been in a relationship for the past year, but another friend said the same thing lmfao
She might be in a situationship, but messaging your bf behind your back to trash your relationship? Yeah, she wants him. I'd tell her other half, seems like they should know what their partner is playing at.
This ^
This!☝️
NTA, she sounds condescending and manipulative. Sounds like she was making a play for your bf and it fell flat so now she’s dumping the “friendship”. Good riddance.
She always thought she was smarter than me emotionally and since she saw her psychologist, she was diagnosing everyone around her, I shouldve seen it coming lmao
So I should tell you something that I learned. Narcissist go to therapy to learn how to be more narcissistic. They learn, trigger words and phrases, and sound just smart enough to be believable, even when they’re full of shit. Make sure all of your mutual friends know exactly what she said, and did, and let them all know that you are permanently blocking her and that you don’t want to be around her. If there’s going to be a event where she’s invited, you’re going to skip it. This is ridiculous that she did this. And it’s a whole ass bushel of red flags.
None of my friends want anything to do with her again, they were already a bit unsure about her based on old stories of us, so they jumped on the byyyye bandwagon lmao thank you so much though, I will def keep that in mind
NTA. What she did was totally out of line, and not the behavior of any kind of friend. Keep her blocked and move on with your life.
You may want to process some of the grief around this with your therapist. If my best friend of years went all acid volcano on me like that, I may feel that it's good riddance, but I'd still need to grieve the memories.
We'll never know what that was all about. I do agree with some other posters that it feels like some kind of angle toward your BF. I'm so glad he had your back on this one - he sounds awesome!
Thank you, I am, now thats it's official, it makes it easier ngl. The waiting for an answer was the worst. And yeah my bf is the best for sure 🥰
You're both mid-20s, at 15 years that made you all 10 when you became friends. Very few friendships that begin at that age are going to make it through the 20s. You had a pretty good run. Friendships come and go, it's too bad this one had to end the way it did.
You hadn't seen Camille in a while before the amusement park, maybe there was already some drifting apart going on. And some long term rivalry on her part you were unaware of.
I can't get a feel if she was after Leo or not, she might just see him as the victim and wanted to reach out, inappropriately imo.
Yeah, I was proud of us and loved her like a sister. We used to call every day, but since we lived an hour away, we saw each other less often since uni started I really dont think she was, we've been together 8 years, and shes in a ltr so i really doubt it
NTA She's jealous. Let her go.
Updateme
Im afraid there wont be much to update, since i blocked her and unfollowed her everywhere, it seems our friendship is just over... just like that
BANG And the dirt is gone!
I'll see myself out...
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Sorry, it's a long one! I (26F) and my boyfriend "Leo" (25M) and I have been together for almost 8 years. Our relationship is genuinely very solid: we communicate well, we’re very affectionate, and multiple friends regularly tell us we’re “the healthy couple” and ask us for advice. Leo and I talk about marriage, he has told me he wants to propose, and we are very much in love.
My best friend of 15 years, Camille (25F), knows all of this and is part of the friends who come for advice.
A few weeks ago, we went on a short trip to an amusement park with Leo, our best friend Max, Camille, and one of her friends. Important context: I was quite sick at the time, and exhausted. I still pushed myself to go because I hadn’t seen Camille in a while and didn’t want to disappoint anyone.
On the drive there, there was a moment that later got blown completely out of proportion. I asked Leo to keep a water bottle with him in the front because there was no space in the back. Later, while driving, I asked for it because my head was killing me and I needed to take something. He then told me he had put it in the trunk.
I was tired, sick, and frustrated, and I reacted by saying something along the lines of “fuck babe, I asked you to keep it with you!”. I wasn’t yelling or insulting him, just clearly annoyed. Max said “we can stop the car if you want,” and I laughed it off and said “no no, it’s really not that serious.” We moved on immediately. I apologized to Leo when we arrived, and that was the end of it. He doesn’t even remember this moment.
The following Monday, my first day at my internship, Camille texted me at 8am saying: “Hey [My full name], are you available tonight? I’d like to talk about something.”
She knows that vague messages like this trigger my anxiety badly. When I asked what it was about because it was making me anxious, she dismissed my stress, said "the sun wasn't going to explode" and that my reaction was abnormal.
Before even talking to me, she then texted my boyfriend a long message about how my behavior was worrying, how our relationship could look toxic from outside, how I was manipulative without realizing it because of bpd, that it's abnormal to cater to my needs "just because I'm autistic", and how he was minimizing things. She made extreme comparisons (including domestic violence), and implied multiple times he was too blind to see it, and added that she saw a psychologist for a toxic relationship so she knows what she's talking about.
Leo was shocked. He called her and told her she was completely out of line, that talking about me like that was inappropriate, and that using my diagnoses against me was not okay. After that, he didn't want anything to do with her again.
Later, Camille and I finally spoke on the phone. With me, she was nice, asking about my day and such. But she also suddenly adopted a very condescending, pseudo-therapist tone and started telling me I had whatever syndrome, implying I project emotions onto others, and telling me I should “work on that with my therapist.” And no, she is not a psychologist. She then proceeded to make more comparisons like "if you saw my bf hit me and me laughing it off, would you not talk to him?" And i said no, that I would talk to HER first. She later admitted that our relationship is not toxic, but said it could look like it from outside...
What hurt me the most wasn’t just the judgment but the fact that she tried to convince my boyfriend he was wrong about his own relationship, and doubled down even when he told her she was wrong.
After that call, I told her I needed time and didn’t message her for a month. I reflected a lot and even felt ready to talk again calmly. I reached out twice, a week apart. No response. I tried calling once; she refused the call. Only the next day did she finally answer with a long message saying she stood by everything she said, that she no longer wanted to “fight for this relationship” (when I was the one always crawling back to her), that our values didn’t align and we just didn't see it before, and that she wanted to distance herself from us.
She also blamed me for saying things like “I don’t intervene if it’s not my problem” (when that's not what I said) and said she didn’t want to be a witness to things she found uncomfortable. She said her choice was final and demanded I respect it.
I didn't even know what to say, knowing that there was nothing I could say that wouldn't be turned around, so I blocked her and removed myself from shared group chats.
Now I’m left grieving a 15-year friendship and questioning everything, even though my boyfriend and friends fully support me and agree she crossed a massive line.
So… AITA in this situation?
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