I (17m) have a younger brother (8). He's our parents favorite and they don't really try to hide it. They have admitted to everyone who knows them that he was so easy to love and they felt like real parents when they had him because they were ready and had planned for him. I was the cryptic pregnancy for my mom and I was born 3 hours after she found out she was pregnant. And I've seen photos of mom days before I was born. She had no bump or anything so I believe they really didn't know.
I can't say I have a relationship with my parents. They pawned me off on anyone who would take me when I was too young to take care of myself. My brother was already born before they stopped pawning me off on anyone who'd take me and then I was in the house while they played happy family with him and I was on the outside.
Because of all that I don't have a relationship with my brother either.
My parents treat me like the unwanted roommate they need. We never eat together as a family or do anything as a family. They do stuff as a family with my brother and that's kinda it. I bounce around still whenever friends can let me come over and that's really it.
I work part time so I can save and get out of here. My parents know and they happily gave me all my papers a year and a half ago to do whatever the hell I want.
The last three months I was sick on and off and around the house more and I heard talk and stuff about this present my brother wanted for Christmas. My parents intended to get him that and a bunch of other stuff but they ended up not being able to afford it. Then a couple of weeks ago they told me they couldn't afford it and asked me for $250 toward it. It shocked the hell out of me but I said no and told them I wasn't helping buy anything for anyone. They tried to guilt trip me and maybe it would work if I had some kind of connection to my brother, if I loved him in some way, but I don't. There's nothing there for me. I feel the same about my parents too. I used to love them but we're basically strangers who live under the same roof.
My parents pushed back on my refusal but I didn't give in and then they brought up to my brother that he might not get it, but they backtracked because he got really upset. I heard all of it but still didn't care. They asked me to change my mind because I know how upset he'll be on Christmas Day when he realizes. They told me as late as last night that they can still get it if I give them $250 for it. But my answer's the same and I know he'll be upset and he might cry all day Christmas but still my answer is no.
Does that make me TAH?
If your little brother is their favorite and you seemingly get written off, you shouldn’t have to pay for a gift they want to get him. NTA. Props to you for standing your ground. The audacity they have.
They've spent 17 years making sure OP has no good feeling for them and 8 years making sure he feels nothing for his brother. They made their bed.
Exactly! They can sit there in their wrongness and be wrong and get used to it.
Add to that, he likely has other gifts and OP is likely not getting anything if they can’t afford the big gift they won’t buy OP his gift until they get the big ticket item
Tell them they can return all your gifts. That should net them $250 for his big present.
The question is, did they spend $250 total on presents for you?
Ohhhh! That is brilliant, a word people over use.
NTA but I am I understanding this right that $250 isn’t even the whole present. It’s only a part of the present?
WTF?? This sounds like an insane amount of money to me, especially for such a small child
Yeah, I'm not sure how much it is total. I think the $250 is a little under half of the overall cost. They always spend hundreds on him for Christmas and his birthdays each year. $250 is basically nothing compared to what I know they already spent and spend every other year.
Make sure your parents don't have access to your money. I have a feeling that if pressuring you doesn't work they might just decide to force the issue.
They don't have access to it. They might think they do but they really don't. I made sure I could keep it from them because I can't ever trust them to do right by me.
Lock down your credit so your parents don't get a credit card under your name. They already seem to feel entitled to your money, it's a short hop to borrowing money that you'll have to pay back.
17 year olds can get credit cards? That's nuts.
It is, but banks don't give a shit. In the US at least, all you need is the person's full name, DoB and social sec number. That's all.
Honestly, I'd love to see the rules around this tightened because I have a nephew I have not seen since he was a baby as his mother operates on a pay to play scale. I know for a fact his credit is absolutely hosed on account of his mother.
You can get a credit card with no check to see if you have the capacity to repay it? How do they set your credit limit? I'm genuinely curious how it all works now.
Once he turns 18 his credit is fair game if they get access. Lock it down anyways.
No one needs this credit bureau open all the time. I have our locked an only when needed and only the bureau they run it through.
Perfect! Good luck and stay strong!
Good for you. Your parents are disgusting people.
Why exactly do they think they have access to your money?
Probably because he's a minor
NTA. They care about your brother, but what about you? They're more worried about not upsetting your brother than caring about you. What are they getting you for Christmas, nothing? Your brother's present is their responsibility, not yours. God forbid your brother is disappointed. I'm sorry your parents suck. You really deserve better.
Why don't you just buy it???....... for yourself. 😂😂
Nar, im joking. Your are not responsible to fund their gifts to him. Keep saving you have worked hard and saved hard for your money. You dont have to just hand it over.
But that is on top of what they already bought him. Do they actually buy you anything for birthdays or Christmas at all?
You parents suck and their perfect child too. Yes he is 8, but still old enough to understand he gets what he wants.
I’m sure they will come looking for you someday when their need a kidney, or money or something to else.
Leave and move on.
Absolutely agree! I have around $100 worth of stuff for my 11 year old and since it's a tricky age l use it to get her some small useless crap she enjoys, some comic books and add some non essential clothes l know she loves. Similar at her birthday that was a month before. And even with that amount l feel like I'm overspending.
I can't even imagine what an 8 year old would have for such a huge amount of money, unless it's a phone, tablet, tv or designer stuff.
$250 says it's a Switch 2.
Tbf 250 is half of a gaming console (with game), which wouldn't be that weird as a present to a 8yo. Expecting a 17yo to pay that big chunk of it is wild tho
He's the spoiled golden child. The fact that he already knows about his gift, and will "cry all day" if he doesn't get it, even with everything else he's getting, at 8 fricking years old, says it all.
Aside from the obvious neglect, I think that gives OP another reason not to help. I think it's a GOOD thing if the little brat doesn't get everything he wants. His parents sure aren't teaching him anything. And a little lesson in humility will might really benefit him.
Then again, probably not.
Still NTA, OP. But your parents are the scum of the earth. Both for the way they treat your brother, and, MUCH more so, the way they didn't treat you. I'm so sorry.
[removed]
I fear they are going to make OP the bad guy when little brother has a major meltdown Christmas day.
…Which is no big change from the rest of the year, I’m guessing. OP, I say that you sleep over at a friend’s place, or head out first thing that morning to avoid getting screamed at or scapegoated. I’m so sorry your parents failed you, you deserve so much better. Good luck 🍀
Yeah, OP needs to be anywhere but home that day.
Absolutely NTA.
Jesus, even Harry Potter didn't have to pay for his cousin's presents. Your brother sounds like he is spoilt enough.
Stay strong and get out soon OP.
That is a really good point. They are literally acting worse than the Dursleys
Which is really saying something. 😖
NTA. He's your brother, not your child. You have zero responsibility for his lack of Christmas gifts. Good on you for getting your papers, a job, and saving up to move. I hope you find so much happiness once you can get away from that toxic dynamic 💛
NTA. Never give money to strangers.
Your parents are scum. You owe them and your brother nothing. You should have been valued and loved, and instead you have suffered because your parents are heartless bottom-feeders. They give you nothing for Christmas, but they have the audacity to ask you to pay for your brother’s gift? It’s unreal how twisted they are as human beings. I’m so sorry you were born into such shitty circumstances. Children deserve better. You deserve better.
NTA. It's not your problem. That $250 is a part of your ticket out of there. Every little bit counts.
NTA - I'm sorry you have crappy "parents". But please, please know that their behavior towards you has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.
YOU are enough, YOU are worthy of love, YOU can be a good person in spite of having aweful parents as models. And please know that not giving them the 250$ doesn't make YOU a bad person... AT ALL... It makes THEM bad people for even asking.
I hope your parents do not have access to your bank account. If they do... go to the bank today, asap, and close that account, open a new one and don't share any info about that account with them.
Continue saving money to get away from those toxic people.
Also, know that blood doesn't make a family... The family you choose is your family. I had crappy parents that didn't love me, I went no contact at 18 and now have an amazing boyfriend who loves me for me and I have a great circle of friends... THEY are my family. And it's even more meaningful as WE CHOSE eachother.
But also know that while you are NOT responsible for how your parents treat you, you ARE responsible for how you treat others. Meaning our crappy upbringing doesn't give us the right to treat others like sh1t or be mean to others.
But don't let your "parents" try and tell you that not giving them the 250$ makes you a bad person, it does NOT!!!
You will rise above all this crap and get out of it even stronger. I know it sucks and it's not fair to be forced into being strong, but sometimes that's the hand we are dealt.
I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it. Go live your life your head held high and be happy.
💯 ❤️❤️❤️
❤️💚❤️💚
I hope you realise it is all on your parents. Never think it is your fault they are assholes. You are not unlovable, so please never forget that. If you decide to go low or no contact with them, you are allowed to do so. It is also not your baby brother’s fault he is the favourite, so if you ever do decide to go no contact with him, please let him know why.
Nta please make sure your parents have no access to your bank account or if you keep your money in cash to that. You do not want them to just take it from you
NTA
Fuuuuuuck that. Hes 8 wtf could he possibly need or deserve at that age that requires and ADDITIONAL $250 for?? $250 ALONE should give an 8 year old the best Christmas ever.
They normally spend so much more than that on him. He gets a lot of stuff and it's usually expensive stuff he gets. My parents spoil him like he's their only, because I guess they feel that way about him. But $250 would cover so little of what he normally gets.
I get that, but the point still stands, he doesn't NEED that much. Hes also not your responsibility or problem. They had him, they literally created everything aspect of this current situation. Save your money and get out asap.
I totally agree but they want him to have everything he wants. He gets some of the craziest stuff for someone his age. But if he asks for it, he gets it.
He has been raised as an entitled little shit and as he grows up it will get worse. I feel bad for any future partner if he can find one that is even more of a future narcissist than he will likely become.
Is they're last name Dursley by chance? I feel so bad for you ive been there but nowhere to the extent you are.
My answer, “since I neither want nor expect crap from you for me for Christmas just spend the little you’d spend on me for it. But I’m not contributing to the spoiling of the more loved/wanted child in this house just to make you feel better”. Sorry you’re not made to feel wanted in this house, that’s their fault not yours. I mean really? Asking you to help provide for your brothers Christmas? I’m assuming here that if they’re asking you to help that they basically have nothing for you.
If they are in the habit of handing everything he wants, then this is a blessing for him really. He won't think so, and your ridiculous parent's won't think so, but sometimes kids need to hear the word no. If your parents' can't afford this one thing, then they will have to save for it on their own and get it for him for his birthday. All they are doing is raising an entitled kid. It's not healthy in any kind of way. NTA. Stand your ground, they are not going to pay you back, obviously or they wouldn't be trying to guilt you into this. This is your ticket out. Keep adding to what you have so you comfortably do this.
I can already tell they're going to be like "Sorry but your older brother decided you didn't deserve that gift" or some other shit so that they can put the blame on you instead of them promising something they can't do.
Oh yeah, I fully expect them to do that but it won't change anything for me. Another person disliking my existence won't change anything for me.
If you two are not totally hostile, you can get him on your side. Tell him what your parents tried to do, and that you're only a kid yourself, trying to move out, and can't afford it. If he's disappointed, it's on them -- not your job to be his parent.
He's too young to understand and/or care right now. It'll have to be a conversation a decade plus down the line when the little guy grows up and (hopefully) starts to wonder where the hell his brother has been.
And yet I can tell him he doesn’t deserve the gift if YOUR parents can’t afford it. After all you are their son too, but they ignore you.
'Mr and Mrs Parent, I can't help you with your son's present, because I need every cent I earn at my job. I can't trust you to not leave me homeless, come my 18th birthday, so I would very much rather feed myself, and find a roof over my head, than pay for your son's non-essential present. I can't earn more, because I am a child, so no, I can't help you. It's okay though, their son can learn to understand he can't always get what you want. I never did get it, and I turned out fine.'
Important: Your parents are probably able to access your bank account, since you're a minor. If you have grandparents you trust, talk to them about opening a new account, so you can keep your money safe.
In the meantime, terminals like paypal allow you to store your money quicky, and transfer back to your account, eventually, if you suspect they would take it from your account without your consent.
NTA
"How much have you spent on MY christmas present?"
Or even better " I'm happy for you to return my gift so you can put that towards it"
Makes him look kind while making the point they have spent Jack all on him
Beautiful. I approve.
That $250 is not yours to give. It's your future landlord's. Just because it's not already spent doesn't mean it's available to spend. Stand your ground. NTA
This is so sad. I’m sorry for you. NTA. Make sure they don’t have access to your money
They can't access my money. They might think I can but they can't.
NTA I am so sorry your womb and sperm donor are such massive AH. I hope you are soon free of them and have a happy life!
NTA. You are not his parent. As the saying goes, lack of planning on their part does not constitute an emergency for you, or something like that. Either way, the sooner baby brother realizes that he can't always get what he wants, the better off he will be.
This is literally like a Harry Potter sort of shitty parents/sibling situation. Screw them. Since they did not "plan" you, they also should not plan to use any resources of yours.
For the record, your brother is obviously not at fault here, he's a child. But he won't die if he experiences a disappointment. I mean – your entire history with your parents is a one big disappointment, and you're alive and are going to lead a good life regardless.
Don't bother with them. If they want to make their kid happy, they can plan and budget for it for the entire year.
I would hit them with "what did you get me for Christmas because if you are asking me to drop £250 on your other kid, I just want to see what sort of consideration you have for me."
When they obviously haven't done anything even close to that for you, just straight up tell them you aren't funding them playing favourites. They have two kids. Maybe if they remembered that from time to time you might actually care.
NTA
I'm guessing your parents haven't bought you anything for Christmas. The petty asshole in me would tell them to return whatever they got for me to help cover the cost of brothers present.
NTA of course.
No, they never did.
Tell them you will spend that $250 on your own present since they don’t care to get you anything.
Fuck me OPs parents make the Dursleys look like saints!
NTA. Move out as soon as you can. Real parents would be asking you what would you like for Christmas not asking you to pay for your brother’s present. They are disgusting.
NTA, update us about the drama though. It's gonna be like a Christmas karma for the shit parents and their golden child.
Updateme
They are lying. They are just trying to get money off you. 100% that come Xmas morning, the little emperor will still get the present he wants.
NTA. Your parents are framing this entire situation for you to be the 'bad guy'. They aren't obligated to get him an expensive gift they can't afford. Them promising a gift had nothing to do with you.
Futher, a kid wanting something expensive and not getting is really just not a big deal. It happens all the time, and again its their responsibility to handle the disappointment.
Your brother is not unreasonable in being disappointed. He was let down, and kids could have big emotions. But its kinda just a fact of life sometimes, and in this case, caused by your parents promises they can't keep.
NTA - little bro sounds like a spoilt brat of your parents' making. Idk, maybe kids really have changed in the last 37 years, but I can't imagine being 8yo and even asking for something that cost that much, let alone throwing a fit if I couldn't get it.
OP, you are being parentified by them expecting you to support your brother's Christmas whims financially. You are not his parent. After the way they've behaved, you're barely his sibling. If they wanted you to care about him, they should have cared about you. As it is, you're a temporary lodger and they wouldn't be able to ask a lodger for $250 extra as a Christmas bonus for own version of Verruca Salt.
He is spoiled and he does like to get his way and he always asks for expensive stuff. My parents never ever have an issue with it. I guess because they treat him like he's their only.
He's going to get a rude awakening as an adult, when everyone doesn't treat him like he's the centre of the universe. Good luck for tomorrow.
You’re not the AH. He’s not your kid and you’re under no obligation to fund his Christmas present.
It’s a lot for a young kid, and if your parents don’t have $500 they can’t give him a 500 dollar gift. It’s that simple.
Your brother is old enough to know he can’t get everything he wants. My kid is 12 and would love a PS5, but he knows we can’t afford it.
And what are they getting you for Christmas OP? didn’t think so . Tell them to put the money front m your present towards the golden child’s present
NTA Tell your parents and brother they'll get their presents when you use the money you earned to move out.
I'm sorry you've got a "family" like this. I hope you find a "chosen family" and have a wonderful life.
Wait! Don’t tell them you’re moving. Just do it when you’re ready.
NTA!! That's not fair in any way. Borrowing it I would maybe accept. But on Christmas they should think about a present for you instead of asking you to pay so much for a gift for your brother. You deserve better and deserve to have nice things. Buy the present and just use it yourself 😂 jk but wtf do they think. None of that is your responsibility.
NTA. You’re under no obligation to finance their Christmas gifts for anyone.
That's such a large amount of money for part of a gift, dang. What are they doing, buying him ski gear??? (Jk I'm guessing Switch 2?? Which means you're still paying a lot.)
Nta, that's on them for not managing his expectations when they couldn't afford his big ticket item. Be prepared for your parents to be weird about this, and make sure your bank account doesn't have their names on it as join owners.
Are you close to any of your other family? Maybe spend time with them or one of your friends this season.
I can't even remember what they're getting him but he already has a Switch 2. He got that for his birthday with a bunch of games.
I'm not close to my other family members. I have tried to be but I suspect a lot of resentment built up over me being pawned off on so many people when I was younger.
Wow, that's an expensive gift right there, with the games?? Definitely a planning issue on your parents' part.
That absolutely stinks. I'm sorry. Make doubly sure your money is protected. If you want to develop that relationship with your wider family, it may take some time and may only come when you're older.
I really wish you well.
Honestly I'm not sure I'll even waste my time trying to have a relationship with people who are so obvious about having some kind of issue with me. It's not my fault I was born or that I was dumped on all of them.
That's understandable.
No it’s not your fault and the blame belongs to your irresponsible parents. Live a long and wonderful life away from them. Never let them get to you, life is what you make of it as you approach 18. If you want to attend college talk to your guidance counselors now to see what you can get as it’s clear no financial help will come your way.
If you want to learn a trade which frankly I wish I was skilled like that because people who can work with their hands have lots of opportunities.
NTA, you should have asked if you’re getting a similar priced gift lol
NTA. You will not be getting that money back.
NTA it’s sad they would try to make that your responsibility
NTA
Do not give them anything. Make sure they can't access your money. Lock up your room and secure your valuables in case they try to retaliate by destroying or taking your stuff. With parents like these, you shouldn't take chances on what they might do. Like another commenter said, it'd be smart to not be in the house on Christmas, so you don't get blamed for their bullshit. Spend the time elsewhere without the drama. I'm sorry your family sucks 😔
F that noise, you can't always get what you want for Christmas. Your parents are AHs and your brother sounds spoiled AF. NTA
NTA. I mean seriously.
NTA
Tell them to take back the presents they got for you and use that money instead. Because we all know they didn’t get you $250 worth of presents and they can beat right off with their favoritism and horrible parenting.
NTA. Your parents created a “Dudley Drursley” on on their own so they can deal with the fallout.
You're 17, you're still a kid. The most your parents should be asking you regarding your brother's Christmas gifts should be along the lines of did you pick him up anything? If not, do you need some cash? (Goes without saying that they should have asked the same with him regarding your gift) My heart goes out to you, keep your money and look to your future.
Christmas isn't supposed to be about getting expensive gifts. Your parents are a failure in so many ways.
heya, fellow punted eldest kid who at least had parents that half gave a shit about me but were poor af - NTA
even if they cared and were halfway decent you would still be not the asshole, but nah they can deal with being a disappointment to their 'special boy' and get over it
as for you, youre doing everything right and I can confirm it feels so nice to have a space be yours without feeling like a burden for existing, and you'll be okay
keep doing you and know none of this is on you, that you deserve so much fucken better, and this rando aussie hitting 30 is proud of you
NTA. I suspect it's something to do with gaming whether it's a PS5 or a switch. Either is pricey. But yeah I love the comment somebody made to tell them to return all your gifts that they bought you and they can get the money that way. You know they're probably spent $20 on you not $250 which is pretty sucky. I really hope you have some good friends that can help you out once you're 18 so you can get out of there. Once you're done school go to trade school or something unless you want to go to college and go for engineering or something of that nature. But do something really useful and that you can support yourself with. Whether you become an electrician, a lineman for an electric company they will train you, and you'd make great money if you like being outside, Plumbing, HVAC. They'll come crying to you later in life if they can't put him in college or something and try and guilt you I'm sure but that's just a terrible thing that they've done and I really hope they regret it one day.
NTA. Your Christmas present to yourself is enjoying your brother’s misery.
You stick to your no. They failed you as parents and expect you to be responsible for their inability to communicate no to him.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. No child should go without loving parents. Please do not give in. They are raising your brother to be entitled.
NTA
I wouldn’t even do Xmas with those people mate. Are you able to organise crashing on a mates couch? Just some friendly advice, you need to find somewhere else to live, even share accommodation with some friends.. stay strong..
Nta. Make sure they cant get your money
Your money is an investment in your future. They won't help you with the costs of moving. I hope you'll find your own place soon.
Your parents should have saved money or they shouldn't have promised a gift they can't afford. I wonder what they got you if they're like my mother some items that were on sale from a cheap store.
Tell your parents to send back your Christmas gift and use the $250 from that to pay towards your brothers gift. Tell them that’s your gift also to them and your brother.
Are you able to stay with your grandparents or any other family members? You need to leave immediately.
I'm not. So I can't leave immediately. I need to wait until I'm 18.
NTA at all. Make sure they can't get to the money you earn from your job. Put it in a bank account and if it already is set up a password so they can't contact the bank pretending to be you.
Make sure they do not have ANY access to your money…seriously. Also see about freezing your credit so they cant access that.
You aren’t his parents. This isn’t your problem. Nta.
NTA
Its like dursleys asking Harry for money for the 33rd and 34th present for dudley
Hey, OP, of you happen to be in the U S., you can emancipate yourself through the court and apply to colleges as an independent so you won't need them to complete the FAFSA.
Very many colleges would then offer almost full-ride scholarships on those conditions- if college is something you want. A school counselor may be able to help you navigate that.
Otherwise, look into a trade so you can work your way up.
Best to you. Keep your head up, your heart open, your mind sharp, and you will do great.
Have your exit plan ready, as soon as you hit 18 I think they'll link you out. Dave your cash and get ahead of that "lovely" gift to you...
NTA so sorry you are going through this. Can you go live with grand parents or something?
Save your money because if you are 17 they may want rent starting at 18 as it is one of the bills you have to pay once you leave the house NTA the parents shouldn't make promises they cannot keep it why I never tell mine that I'll be around whenever they need me as one day I'll be dead , your parents shouldn't be excluding you for some things and including you in others they are the a holes.
NTA. If you don't feel a connection to your 'brother' or 'parents', why would you give them anything?
Also, why is what your parents were going to get your brother not a secret? Why did they tell him in the first place and then tell him he might not get it?
If they're that desperate to get it for your brother, tell them to split the payment (if buying in a shop) and put the $250 on a credit card. If they're buying on-line so many websites allow you to pay in installments, like PayPal's pay in 3. I've used that so much.
NTA
Not only are you NTA, but this may be a very important first realization for what is to come.
When your parents are older and need help, either physically or financially, who do you think they’ll expect to take care of them? IF they happen to have any assets upon their deaths, who do you think they will be left to? Between you and your brother, which one of you will receive help buying a first car or home—they will argue that it’s because you were already self-sufficient, but you know that will be BS.
Ask me how I know.
If you play your cards right, though, this is actually an opportunity to finally express your feelings about their treatment of you. Make sure it’s not in the form of an “emotional rant” because you already know that your tears don’t mean much to them. Speak very matter-of-factly about your feelings, and about any future expectations they might have.
However, perhaps you should keep it as “just the facts” in a way that won’t jeopardize any help they may be offering you regarding your higher education.
However, keep in mind that they could also try to use this whole situation against you—“You couldn’t even help with your baby brother’s Christmas present, but you still expect us to pay for college?” I’m not super confident that they’d even be able to help you anyway if they can’t even scrape together $250 between the two of them. Maybe they have a 529 for you, though?
Anyway, this may unfortunately be something to consider before you “officially” decline, and before (or at least as you decide how) you choose to verbalize your feelings about how much they’ve negatively impacted your life. If you think that may be the case (withholding tuition), you might want to consider “playing the game” for a while longer. I know “pride” and all that, but if you can get that help, take it—that’s the absolute least they can do for you.
I already know I won't be getting any help from them once I turn 18. As it is they do the minimum possible and there's nothing that would make them give more because they don't love me or even care about me in some tiny way. To them I'm the mistake who came as a surprise and wasn't supposed to happen. There's no college savings for me. There's never going to be a home for me with them if I end up on the streets.
Well then, tell them exactly why you didn’t help them. You seem to have nothing else to lose.
PS. My “origin story” is very similar to yours (except we’re only 4 years apart), and this treatment continued through our adulthood. Even though they’re both gone now, the “remnants” of some of their decisions continue to affect me in a very real way, emotionally and even financially. They’d give money to my brother, yet it was me who somehow ended up supporting my parents.
NTA
This is tragic and twisted. I can’t believe there are parents like this out there. My heart aches for you, OP. They owed you everything, and gave you nothing. You, as their child, owe them nothing and it seems like you never will.
You seem like a strong person, with a good head on your shoulders. Take care of yourself, and seek out good people to surround yourself with. And maybe find someone to talk to, because the way your parents treated you is messed up and will affect you until you can process it.
Ask them directly if they got anything one single gift for you.
No, tell them to return all the gifts they got for you and get him that.
Absolutely NTA. Your parents are. Just know that the failing is all theirs, not yours. You deserve to be loved. Merry Christmas sweetheart xx
One year more one year more my friend . Try to leave as soon as you can when you will be 18 and never ever contact them back .
If they love him more, they should make the $250 happen! They are so cruel, and I am so sorry you are looking in on your reality. Save that $250 for your move-out! He will never remember this specific year, and whatever he wants now will not matter in a matter of months. I am sorry you have built-up resentment for him as well. Though he won't know until he's older. How could you not? You were not treated fairly, and he was ALWAYS treated fairly. Just keep working on your success, and focus on keeping your assets in good standing! You are young and can prepare yourself for a solid future. Work on you :)
NTA
NTA, if you gave in this time, they would forever only see you as an ATM for their precious little boy.
HELLLLLLLLL NO YOU AREN'T.
You owe them nor their spoiled little brat spawn anything, much less your hard earned money. Fuck them and fuck him.
Do you have grandparents , aunts or uncles to stay with?
NTA op I think before you leave your house, sit down with your parents and have a heart to heart with them. Regardless on if they react in a good way or bad way, atleast they know how you feel so when you cut them off, they’ll know why. Save all your money.
NTA at all. He is 8, he will get presents just not that one in particular. One that will cost 250 or more, no 8 y.o. needs a gift this expensive. Very good opportunity for your parents to teach him that the world doesn't turn around his wishes.
NTA they’re gonna borrow money from you and not get you anything btw … lol not even close to ta
While I would like to say your mom didn’t know she was pregnant but you don’t miss your period for 8 months in a row and if that didn’t get her attention then once has to wonder.
Do you have a relationship with any extended family or is that a dead end. Horrible people who deserve nothing for Christmas except a burning bad of 💩 on their front porch.
Some people still have a light period when pregnant. Or if you’re irregular you’d never know. It’s been 6 months since I had my last one.
NTA
You need to save ALL of your money for when you turn 18.
Because there's a decent chance they'll kick you out as soon as they're legally able.
So work hard, save hard, and make sure you have your documents/belongings ready to go if you need to leave in a hurry.
These people aren't really your family, so you don't need to worry about their problems. Once you're out on your own, you'll be able to create an actual family for yourself.
NTA. They’ve spent 17 years making sure you know that they don’t love you. They’ve also spent those 17 years making sure you don’t love them. Now they can deal with the consequences of their eldest not feeling anything towards their immediate family.
In my family, if we can’t afford it, we don’t get it.
NTA
NTA. They suck OP.
Your little brother is going to be an awful teenager and then adult if he keeps getting spoiled so much with no limits. Absolutely NTA. Once you're ready, get out of there and never look back as you go no contact. You're a strong person and I wish you the best.
NTA
Parents telling kids what present they're getting ahead of time (especially when they can't afford it) is shitty
where is the joy of surprise on christmas morning I ask you
If they have effectively written you off I don't know why you'd contribute anything to *their* gift. But probably, you should get your little bro something from you.
NTA, your parents downright neglected you, which is abuse, and played favourites with your brother, and now want YOU to pay for him when they never gave you a cent? Screw them, even if you had a good relationship with them, which you don't, he is THEIR son, not yours, THEIR responsibility.
Tell them that you won't contribute to your brother's gift because they made sure you would never feel brotherly toward him by the way they treated you. They're now reaping what they've sown.
NTA. You owe them nothing. They’re setting your brother up for a world of disappointment & disillusion. They may favor him, but the world doesn’t. He needs to learn he can’t have everything he wants. Save every penny you can & get the hell out of there & don’t look back.
NTA. Little brother should learn how to deal with disappointment while growing up. It’ll probably be the first time.
After all, you’ve had to deal with parents that constantly disappointed you!!
NTA, OP this is so sad and your parents are so fucking disgusting to try and guilt you when they are so dismissive of you ,your sperm and egg donor are diabolical to ask you for anything. Save your money in a safe place and move out as soon as possible when you are able. I'm sorry you were treated this way no child should be treated this way by their parents.
NTA
You are not the AH in any way but your parents certainly are. All your life they have treated you like someone else's kid that never went back to their own home except when they want some money for their "real" kid.
I think you have done an awesome job raising yourself without their help and their lack of input into your life has turned out to be your saving grace. As disgusting, hurtful and vile they are, they never got to break you. You are strong, resourceful, have a good work ethic and you will take those qualities to have a good future.
That will never happen for your brother. He is only 8 but already he is a spoiled brat. Nobody likes spoiled brats. That's 100% your parents fault. It might not seem to be this way for you right now, but I can assure you, both of you have been abused in very different ways.
NTA.
Sounds like your brother has been spoiled enough that he has turned into a brat. I had plenty of Christmas' where I didnt get the one thing I really wanted because it wasnt in the family budget. (I realize that now.) Was I disappointed at the time? Yes. But that never ruined my Christmas. I still had gifts to open each year and there was always something in there that I would end up loving.
If this gift is really THAT important, your parents will find a way to get it for him without your help. Like maybe not get him the other stuff they planned? If kid only gets to open one gift this year because it's that damn expensive, then so be it! Time for little Timmy to learn how the world works.
NTA.
Taking care of your brother is your parents' responsibility.
I could see them asking if they needed help to buy his insulin this month because he had diabetes, or something. But It isn't even something he needs! It's just a gift - and you're saving up for something important. You need to be able to take care of yourself as soon as you're a legal adult, because it's pretty clear your parents won't be helping you a second longer than they legally have to.
Even if you had a great relationship with your brother, this wouldn't be a reasonable request. As it is, it's completely off the wall.
NTA. Your parents are sick. Maybe they should work harder. You seem very smart and I’m proud of you for working hard and realizing you need to get out of there. Despite their terrible parenting, you clearly are a good kid. Sending you a virtual hug this holiday season and I hope you are able to get up and out soon kiddo.
If your brother would cry all Christmas Day because he didn't get what he wanted, it will do him good to NOT get it. Time for him to learn the world doesn't revolve around him.
As for you paying - hah! NTA. They shouldn't have promised something they couldn't deliver.
I'm so sorry these sorry excuses for parents have failed you once again.
NTA, that sux bud, sounds like you've got a real shitty family
Ask them what gift they’re getting you that they’re putting so much effort into
Nothing? Oh
Knowing they likely didn't spend much/anything on you, with a straight face tell them it's ok if they return SOME of the things they bought for you and use that money for him. As you're doing that, remind them that "stuff" isn't the meaning of Christmas, and they've taught you that very well.
My petty ass would be running "the Grinch" and "Muppet Christmas Carol" on repeat, too.
OP probably doesn't get presents as it is, so why would he be expected to contribute that kind of money so the chosen child gets everything he wants. How rediculous of them to even ask.
NTA. You are 17. Get well, get a job and get out of there if you have to couch surf. Their job is to launch you as well as raise your brother. They cannot do that when they are siphoning off what you have saved for your younger brother, especially since they do not seem to have any plans to help you. They have failed. Been there done that. Make sure they cannot help themselves to your money and find a university or trade school financial counselor. Trade schools are faster and plumbers, mechanics, welders, etc pay well. You can go to college in a year or two at a two year or a night course. I believe in you. It is scary, I know. I chose the military. Do your homework about student loans. Do not go for convenience, but choose the one with the best interest rate and no predatory lending clauses. Be honest. There is no one to help in YOUR family. You have this. I made it, you will too.
Nta they have abusively neglected you and they don’t get to benefit from their victim now. It’s their own fault that they over promised him, their own fault they didn’t save up and budget for it and their own fault that you do not have any kind of relationship with him otherwise you might have happily donated to the cause. They literally bright this onto all three of them with their selfishness and abuse. Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
Pleeeeeeease never speak to these people again the second you are an adult and out of their house.
Updateme
Tell them to take the money they have for YOUR Christmas gift and put it towards your brother's gift. Bet they have nothing saved for you. NTA.
NTA
Please go no contact with these people the second you turn 18, I've read too many of these posts where for some completely bizarre reason I can never figure out the OP has stayed in contact with parents that treat them like complete shit, I will never understand it.
NTA. An 8 year old doesn’t need expensive gifts. Sounds like a wonderful character building opportunity for all of them.
I’m sorry for your life experience and you are NOT the AH. What kind of parent needs help from a teenage sibling for their other child’s Christmas! I’m a mother of age gap siblings and my almost 16yr old (on the 27th) doesn’t even spend his money on gifts for his brother, we buy them and we give him options and he picks the one he wants to give his 7yr old brother!!
NTA after what they did to you and then they just ask your hard earned money not even for something could be useful for them or you . its good that you didn’t have in
christmas is on the same day every year, if they weren’t prepared it’s their fault
When they ask again ask them what they're planning on giving you for Christmas. Then start going over past Christmases and what they got you. Then remind them if you're not good enough to be treated like their child then you're not good enough to loan them money. NTA
Updateme
You are not a third parent and they need to learn how to live within their means. That means they need to only buy presents they can afford and save up for them in the future. NTA.
Update me
Update me
How many Christmas and/or birthday presents did you want and not receive while you were growing up? How many normal kid gift items did you not receive? You can throw that rock at your parents.
Your brother would only be upset if he knew he what he was getting in advance. Also responsible buying and spending at Christmas is a thing.
NTA! Ur working to get yourself out of a toxic situation, and tbh ur 17 i cant do anything but praise that. Keep working hard because sometimes living with family is more toxic then staying
Updateme
NTA. Do they even buy you presents?
You are not the AH and if they continue to harass you for money, you should tell them exactly how you feel about their favoritism and piss poor parenting of you.
NTA That is a first step in financial exploitation. Keep your money where they can't access it.
Your parents have a lot more issues if they are asking $250 from you!
OP, I believe 2026 will be a great year for you, full of hope and happiness - which you deserve all day (and all year) long.
Be proud of your own resiliency and spread your wings the minute you get the chance. 🦅
NTA. Aside from everything else you wrote, parents should not expect their children who are minors to fun Christmas. They need to manage the other kids' expectations, and if they don't, then a whole bunch of upset on Christmas morning is their problem. I'm sorry they haven't been good parents to you.
NTA
……bruh…… this is actually insane. The AUDACITY. No you are NTA, clearly. The resentment, feelings, or lack of feelings, you have towards your brother and parents are completely valid. And the audacity they have to ask you, the child that they have never NOT neglected, the ‘roommate’ (op’s words), to fund the remaining gifts for the child they give all of their love and attention to JUST because they made a promise they can’t keep? That promise being to a spoiled brat who will have a melt down for an entire day because they don’t get ONE thing off their wishlist they were promised? WOW. So glad you stood your ground. Keep standing it- we are all behind you. The meltdown will be karma to your parents, but they probably won’t learn the many lessons they need to during this entire ordeal, which is so sad.
Pleaseeeeeeeee Updateme (hoping that nothing bad will come your way and it’s purely an update on your parents situation since it is not your own)
NTA
Nta! Updateme!