I'm 18F and am paralyzed chest down from an accident three years ago. I live with my older brother, and this past week he hosted a big family reunion with multiple other relatives staying in the house, very little privacy. The last time I saw her, my aunt would not stop asking invasive questions about my body and my sex life. I told her multiple times to stop, and she laughed and said that since my care affects the whole family (it does not), it's "not really private." which is bullshit. Then on Saturday night she stayed over and wet the bed. I know because she asked my brother about laundry and he found out about it, and told me. No one else knew. I of course wasn't planning on telling anyone because obviously that's embarrasing for her and I above anyone know what it's like to not have full control of my body. But then yesterday the family had lunch with everyone, and she started with her bullshit again and joked that my boyfriend is more of a nurse than a lover.
I said that perhaps she needs a nurse so she stops pissing herself at night. That did not go over well. I know it's a mean thing to say but I feel like it's justified lowkey. My brother is fully on my side and had to keep himself from laughing his ass off. The rest of my family is not at all amused. From my perspective I set a boundary which was ignored, so I matched her energy.
AITA?
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Your aunt is gross. Why is she so interested in your reproductive organs?!?! NTA
Disability fetish
OP should start calling it that when other people bring it up 'Auntie's fetish is gross and I want no part of it.'
Aunt, yes I am 18 and legally allowed to have sex, but I will not be part of your weird disability fetish. I am not interested in having sex with you. Stop talking about sex with me. No means no. Respect my no and go find a different disabled teenager to pester about sex.
Brilliant 👏 👏 👏
"we get that you have a fetish for disabled people, but the incest is what makes it really fucking weird."
Ick! 😳🤢
So much ick! But if OP said that with a straight face in front of the entire family (aunt included), I bet her aunt would never bring up OP's sex life again.
It's why,well one of many reasons, I don't date but it's definitely a thing and as a wheelchair user I think not
I honestly think she just really wants me to have kids. She's very nosy but is usually nice otherwise.
did anyone in ur family try to stop her comments before? regardless of her intentions, the comment about ur partner being a "nurse" is genuinely so evil and cruel. that goes way beyond concern and nosiness. i'm sorry that u have to deal w this ableism from ur own family.
Nah but my family is pretty dysfunctional in general so the ableism is really water under the bridge
i say this as a fellow disabled person with a dysfunctional family... it really doesn't have to be water under the bridge, op. i'm not telling u to pick a fight or whatever, but it doesn't matter the circumstances. what ur aunt has been saying is reprehensible and it's disgusting how ur family has been letting her talk to u like this. u shouldn't have to tolerate that from anyone. i hope the other ppl in ur circle r treating u w respect and i hope ur aunt shits herself in public, honestly.
As a defective without a dysfunctional family... I'm in my 40's and I can count on my 4 fingered hand how many times an adult has ever asked me something personal like that... and none of them came off like OP's aunt. It was playful or genuine curiosity.
I'm with Cabbage Patch Kid on this.
Had to look up the word "dysfunctional", but now I get it why your family (re)acted that way.
The aunt was put in her place well deserved.
Not related to OP, but rock on for increasing your diction/vocabulary.
NTA. That is not "nice", sweetie.
She is mocking you with this. I know this because I know of many people who are "nice" yet say these things when they want to be, pardon my language, a c*nt without getting called out. Its uncomfortable to the people around them, but these people are just nice enough in other ways so that people tend to let it slide and eventually get used to it...except for the recipient, of course.
No, your sex life is nobody's business. The way she said the things you described also has nothing to do with wanting kids. It was a dig towards you.
My advice to you, keep doing this. Never start it, but always finish it, just like you did that night. Next time you see her can be a new day until she tries again. If she still acts butthurt, just say "Huh that's weird...I didn't run off crying every time she said those things to me..."
Auntie has a serious mean streak. She sounds like an ex-friend of mine. I think Op should avoid her as much as possible from now on.
I am sure that the overwhelming majority of people on the planet would want you to have kids if you want them.
But it’s none of our damn business. Or hers.
Her wants are not more important than your needs. Your needs include respect and a right to privacy.
Scream at her " stop asking about my fucking sex life. It's none of your fucking business you incontinent pervert"
And if she tries to say something in response, scream NO. REPEATEDLY till she gets the damn hint.
Nta
she's so into it that she pees her bed
Probably because even disabled, OP gets more action and attention than her and her bed wetting self
Tell her she’s a pervert
Seriously. OP is 18. She doesn't even need to have started having a sex life necessarily. It is straight up weird that auntie is obsessing over it.
Edit:typo
A bed pissing pervert.
Justified AH. She had it coming
She only had herself to blame.
If you had been there
If you had seen it
I bet you would have done the same!
Pop!
Cicero!
Lipschitz!
Sometimes I really love it here on Reddit. 😆🫶
it makes life worth living, Pee fetish for the win!!!
😂😂😂😂
Pop!
Piss
Six!
Squish!
Ah- Ah...
Six!
If you had smelled...the piss
Wake up, and smell the piss, Freeman
Tell her to piss down the drain. Urine.
And if you heard it, you would have done the same!
Chicago? Broadway? Love it!!!
Some guys just can’t hold their piss 😂
She's drowning in the shame of her own making
This. OP told her multiple times, in a nice way to stop but the aunt doesn't respect her as a person since she kept doing it.
OP only stood up for herself. If the aunt feels direspected for that, she should know that respect goes both ways. And that it's earned, not given.
The aunt must be twice as pissed now.
My Mom always told me "better to be pissed off than pissed on." Auntie doubled down.
Bravo!
[removed]
If she is going to start shit she better get ready to be hit with shit right back.
Yeah, she really pissed the bed on this one.
Completely justified and your brother is a real one. Honestly, if it were me I would no longer have any type of relationship with my aunt. She’s not only trying to embarrass you, but she’s putting you down and belittling you. Did the rest of the family hear what she was saying to you and they’re ok with that? It’s just wrong on so many levels.
Hi five
🙏
⬆️This!!! And props to you brother for taking your side.
yep she wouldn’t stop otherwise, typical bully behavior
NTA
“AUNT, WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH MY VAGINA? I THINK IT’S REALLY WEIRD — THIS OBSESSION WITH MY VAGINA. YOU ASK ABOUT MY VAGINA SO MUCH I CAN’T COME TO ANY OTHER CONCLUSION EXCEPT THAT YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH IT. MY VAGINA, I MEAN.”
[removed]
Lets not infantalise 18 year olds. The problem is a family member being repeatedly sexual towards another family member.
"MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT MY VAGINA AND START WORRYING A LITTLE MORE ABOUT YOUR OWN PELVIC FLOOR"
I just need to let you know the caps lock on top of the phrasing of this comment had my husband and I laughing our asses off for a good 3 minutes.
Nta
But next time she does it, ask her why she keeps think about you being naked and having sex
I think that's somehow worse lol
Gotta up the stakes!
Truamatize them back. (It's a great sub for other stories like this, just remove the spaces)
So people don't learn.
That's kind of the point!
NTA. But, I guess your aunt is pissed off as well as pissed on. Sorry, I just couldn't help it. LOL!
lmao that's a good one
Follow up for future interactions. “Brother don’t forget the rubber sheets for aunt.”
LMAO she made her bed now she gets to lay in it (with all its nasty contents)
Justified AH, definitely a low blow but aunt being super creepy wanting to constantly know details about your sex life so she FAFO
Exactly! Why is she so interested in your sex life? That's creepy AF
She got a weird aunt maybe she's fantasizing
Yuck 🤢
maybe that's why she keep asking
Omfg you said in the moment the kind of comeback that most of us only dream about, frustrated days later. She had that coming!
Completely! I'm on of those that think of the perfect response...at 3 a.m. a week later.
Not the AH. Your Aunt, is completely uncalled for and I’m very irritated that no one else in your family outside of your brother is supporting you.
Yeah, this was my take, too. If no one else stepped up to tell the Aunt she was being gross and out of line, they have no right to be upset at OP for her retaliation after years of being bullied.
You were an AH. But when someone else does not recognize the more polite warning signs, sometimes being an AH is the only option
Yeah fair enough. I hope she got the point at least and finally stops asking
If she does it again, you could ask her a bunch of questions about her sex life. Tell her you want to learn what she does so you can adapt it for yourself.
lmao I could not
Hmm, Depends.
Lmao. I got that
well done
“Auntie, do your partners not mind when you pee on them during sex or do you seek out partners into that?”
Auntie, does your partner take special showers?
Auntie, do you like giving or receiving golden showers?
well we know for a fact it makes her wet the bed, so she must be getting pretty excited.
Totally agree. Sometimes being an asshole is what the situation calls for. This is absolutely one of them.
Plus you were just playing by her rules. Her pissing the bed invited the family to have to be involved in her care because your brother was asked for help with the post piss laundry. Booyah
I think it sounds like Justified A. Holery
You speak from a place of privilege.
When you are paralyzed, you may judge.
OP was totally correct.
Agreed. Sometimes you need to speak a language they understand.
Sometimes, if even direct doesn't work, Scorched Earth will. NTA.
This is also coincidentally a reason why I won't use toilets or urinals that I encounter in my dreams.
What kind of insane family doesn’t eject an older family member sexually harassing a teenaged family member?!
You are NTA.
Your family has failed to protect you from an adult family member being sexually inappropriate with you. She is disgusting & is coming off like a pervy predator.
I said that perhaps she needs a nurse so she stops pissing herself at night.
absolutely hilarious. could never be the asshole
I missed my true calling as a sit-down comedian
🤣 honestly, with how witty you are I think you should totally do some open mic nights if they are accessible to you!
You sure did 🤣
NTA. She tried to serve you, but she got owned instead. Next time, she’ll mind her damn business and learn to show respect. I hope life turns out beautiful for you. Big ups to your brother btw. The rest of the family sure have a lesson or two to learn
I assume your aunt is probably one of your parents’ sister?? How come neither one of them stopped her from being so mean to you? Your aunt had it coming! If she can dish out the nasty questions then she should be able to take it.
Deceased hence living with brother
Ooh! I’m so sorry to hear about your parents. My apologies as that was not clear in your post. Either way, your aunt is super rude and deserved your remark.
Nah you're good, it didn't seem relevant to put in the post. (paralyzed and an orphan? pick a struggle)
Virtual hugs to you, honey! I’m so glad you have your brother to take care of you. You just let him know that we are so proud of him for stepping up for you! You don’t deserve mean questions from anyone. You deserve love and support!
Do you think your aunt would be asking those questions if your mom and dad were still around? Probably not because it’s super inappropriate and they wouldn’t be shy about letting her know so you have to handle it like your parents would have. I think they would be proud of you. Not that my opinion as a Rando on the Internet matters, but good job.
NTA She’s just pissed you called her out. Urine the right here!
NTA play stupid games win stupid prizes
F around and find out
NTA FAFO. You should post ths on r/traumatizeThemBack lol
NTA. Don’t start none, won’t be none.
My sisters partner is a pain in the arse and every time he sees me enquires about my love life (happily perpetually single)
Last time he asked I replied “great, how’s yours” and held eye contact til he blinked. Hes never asked again. I didn’t want to up it to the next level of “what’s yours and my sisters fav position” but thankfully he got the point….
If you live in a glass house, you shouldn't thr.... wet the bed in when the whole family can see.
NTA...
On a sidenote and I am not saying your wrong at all, but it may just be that she has one real issues she has never worked out and her curiousity may be a weird way for her to learn and find ways to better her own life. I think what you said was 100% justified but if she does really ever apologize perhaps you 2 could have a real talk and she can learn that opening up would have been a far option from day 1.
Yeah I'd be down to talk to her if she was nicer about it and less specifically nosy. Growing up she was always the fun aunt out doing cool stuff and I'd like to be on everyone's good side in the end
Why is your aunt interested in a 18 year olds sex life?!? I am not surprised she is wetting the bed, because she sounds really disturbed.
As a nurse I’ll just say the aunt should be seeking medical care for her bed wetting. It could be from a number of medical issues, not likely because she sounds disturbed. She has no business asking OP, or anyone else, about their sex life. None of her business.
May I respectfully ask how the accidental injury occurred? Spinal cord injuries are a fear of mine and I’m glad to hear you have an avid social and otherwise thriving life! Minus your cword aunt.
Car crash. Don't avoid the fun things in life in fear of consequence. Also don't hit by a drunk driver.
That sucks. Thanks for answering my question. I have another question about your sex life…kidding! Seems like you have a very healthy take on life and it’s wonderful to hear you’re not letting this event define your life
NTA if she can dish it out she has to take it as well
Sounds like OP really pissed her off.
depends.....
I’m with your brother, I’d laugh my ass off too! She’s invading your privacy and making uncalled for comments so even though the saying goes “take the high road” there is also one that’s “get a taste of your own medicine”.
When she makes these comments how is no one in your family piping up and saying how inappropriate they are? And if they are how is your aunt so dense? Like read the room! Is her s*x life so boring she has to live vicariously through you. Geez Louise!
NTA at all! I get her having the thought, hell I don't know why my brain thinks all the BS it comes up with. All she had to say is nothing. There are obvious complications living with certain disabilities. I want to hug you and your boyfriend. A friend of got into a relationship and things were going really well. At about the year mark his GF had a stroke. Her whole left side was paralyzed. He was there for her in a lot of ways, whatever she needed he helped as best he could. There was a go fund me and the updates were heartbreaking and amazing at the same time. all the milestones for the "little" victories. After a time, when things started to settle into routine, she said he didn't have to stick around. She loved all he had done for her but didn't want him to feel obligated as this couldn't have been what he wanted or planned for. All he said was one sec, walked towards the door, and pulled something out of his coat. he opened the little box with a ring inside. He said with everything going on, he couldn't think of the right timing to propose. That was awhile ago and he's still head over heels for her.
She should be glad all she got was embarrassed.
With comedy, nothing is off limits.
NTA - in this situation, but what you did was certainly an asshole move otherwise.
She deserved it for her insensitive comments and desire to embarrass you in public, it was tot for tat, so I have to give you some grace there.
Absolutely NTA. If she can dish it out but she can't take it, she ought to stfu
If not for pestering you about your private life, she definitely deserved it for the ableism.
She started it. You ended it. Case closed.
this is the post that should make it click with the mods that we need a “JAH” prefix. yes OP is an AH, but OP is also a justified AH
NTA. She fucked around and found out. You established a boundary.
I’m confused on why the family took her side?? Unless her medical life is public to them and hasn’t been to you, like they know something you don’t. She deserved it and no one should be putting up with her asking you those questions in my opinion
NTA. She earned that. I have a visible disability and have had it since birth. On the school bus in high school, someone asked me if I could have sex. I replied with, “Why? Are you propositioning me?” Turning it back on them some way whether it’s revealing something personal of theirs or a clap back really is the best way to handle it.
Some people need to figuratively "take a chair to the face" to understand. Hope lil miss piss pants leaves you alone.
To quote Sister Michael on "Derry Girls", "That was actually pretty funny."
NTA
NTA - Proud of you! She deserved this - what an awful human she is.
Good for you, she played with fire and got burned. Being handicapped isn't easy, you don't need someone being an a hole about it
I’m going to say NTA.
Way to deal with that piss-aunt
Hell No!! NTA! She deserved that clap back.
Neither of you is the good guy in this. However, I say she had it coming for being such a jerk. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
NTAH. quite frankly you’re my idol now
You did the right thing. Your aunt was being verbally abusive, and she deserved your remark. She sounds awful, and I'd want to keep away from her as much as possible.
NTA. Totally justified. Comes under play stupid game,win stupid prize.
It’s always the ones with the most to hide putting other peoples’ business out there like that. Good on ya, OP. Keep that grill on sear heat 👌
NTA, you asked her to stop, she didn’t so you said what you needed to say. She was clearly trying to get everyone to laugh at your expense and that’s not ok.
😂 I'm sorry...that's hilarious. Good for you. She deserved it.
NTA. That’s perverted and creepy.
"Why do you care so much about my sex life? It's honestly kind of sad. Do you not have one yourself?"
nope NTA! LOL you get what you give!
Smashing boundaries with inappropriate personal questions and pissing the bed?! Is your aunt a drunk?
Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house. NTA
She totally had it coming. NTA Legend- could’ve posted this in Traumatize them Back, too. I hope she has learned to back off!
✨PERIOD!!✨ that’s how you do it! If she wanted to keep bringing your business up, you matched and brought hers. NTA!
Justified AH. Some times the only way to get a bully to stop is to give it back.
If she can't take the heat, she needs to stay out of the kitchen. She might piss herself and create an OSHA violation.
Absolutely justified AH. Call her out for her disability fetish next time, tell her she’s a weird freak for being obsessed with your sex life, and remind her (and anyone siding with her) that anything happening in your bedroom is between you and boyfriend only. You’ve nothing to apologize for, a grown ass adult should know better!
You did well, it was very satisfying.
When people play stupid games, they win stupid prizes.
NTA, your aunt deserved it.
NTA. Maybe she'll learn from this!
Well they say two wrongs don’t make a right, but, yeah forget that nonsense.
In this case even if you might be just very slightly TA, I 100% support you and wish I had been there to choke on my milk when you said it!
Whenever someone asks you something that is clearly personal and inappropriate you look them dead in the eye and ask ‘why do you need to know?’ Repeat as necessary, putting the emphasis on a different word each time. WHY do you need to know? Why DO you need to know? Why do YOU need to know? Why do you NEED to know? ‘Oh, no answer then, Auntie? Frankly it’s none of your business.’ It’s between you, your partner, and your PCP. Start asking her inappropriate questions about her sex life, see how she likes it. Or just tell her, what a weird question and ask if she needs to make a mental health check in with HER PCP to discuss her fetishes.
No you are not. Your aunt sounds like a real piece of work. I'm happy knowing you called her out in front of everyone. Don't know what else she was expecting lol.
LMAO LMAO LMAO FUCK HER LMAO NTA
NTA. She deserved that shit.
When she started doing this, were you not yet 18? You are barely an adult.
Age aside, consider association. She is an older family member, so she feels entitled to do this to you, a younger disabled family member.
But if you remove the family association, the age, and the disability... (because all of these sort of cloud the issue)
If this was a coworker, it would straight up be considered sexual harassment. So imo she is sexually harassing you.
Sometimes you have to punch a bully in the nose to make them stop. Is it mean? Yeah, probably; but it's self defense and justified.
NTA. How rude and invasive she was.
NTH. If anyone asked an abled body 18F how she had sex it would be a wildly inappropriate question. It’s not any different for you. Only you can defend yourself and you voiced your boundaries and they went unheard/ignored. What happens after that is your aunts fault.
"She was pissed."
"She pissed."
Hahahaha.
NTA.
"don't start none, there won't be none"
NTA! Aunt is a total A, so well done for giving her a dose of her own. Your family should have been "not at all amused" when the A trampled all over your boundaries going on about your sex life like some obsessed pervert.
She had that shit coming, your aunt sucks
NTA. Also, why is the rest of your family not telling her to STFU? My mother would breathe fire on an aunt who did this. Your other relatives need to step it up. Make the bully the embarrassed one, not the targeted person.
And your aunt’s a bully. She deserved to have you match her energy.
NTA
Auntie FAFO
NTA bit you are Most Excellent. Your Aunt sure loves to dish it out but gets all butthurt when it's given back. She needs to stay the hell out of the kitchen if she can't take the heat and it sure as hell looks like she can't. Plus who the hell has any right to neg on somebody in a wheelchair for crying out loud?
NTA, she was taking the ‘piss’
Props to you and your brother. Can't understand the rest of your family "not being amused". Had they done their part and put your aunt in her place and shutdown her inappropriate comments it never would have happened. Keep up the good work. Text her some depends coupons.
Fight fire with fire. 🤷🏼♂️
NTA
YMH
You’re My Hero
NTA
FAFO. NTA.
Another case of FAFO. Good work OP! NTA
i hate that she tried to justify your sex life as being her business because your needed care effects the whole family (according to her), like hanging the provided care over your head, i would honestly just go no contact if possible, the weird obsession with your sex life and then hanging the care over your head, it’s all just weird especially coming from an aunt