So I 22f recently became friends with Jeremy 24m. Early on In our friendship I told him that I hate having guests who show up unannounced and I preferred if someone is visiting to tell me two days in advance (unless it's an emergency, my family and old friends know this and respect my boundaries).
Now yesterday I was at home lazing around after a long day at work, my house was a mess ( I usually clean at night). And was drifting off to sleep (I love sleeping). When I got a phone call and it was Jeremy.
He told me he was In my neighborhood, I said 'okay, have fun'. Then he was like I'm coming over to your place I asked him 'how come?' He said he just wanted to see me And I told him 'no thanks ' and cut the call and went back to my sleep.
A few minutes later I hear a knock and I think maybe it's my neighbor? Nope, it was Jeremy. He attempts to come in my house but I stop him, (mind you this is the first time he's visiting, I've never been to his place, we've met once in a group setting and only text and sometimes calls).
I told him I'm not in the mood for visitors and he didn't tell me prior so he can't come in and that he's making me uncomfortable. He tried to dismiss me and still enter but I stood firm till he left huffing and puffing. Now a day later I'm just thinking to myself if I went too far. (I haven't talked to him since) But did I go too far with my approach? AITAH?
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NTA. He was told no. That should have been it. He had no business showing up to your house and trying to come in.
šššI was stunned to say the least like Yoh
Remember this about him and warn your friends.Ā He doesn't take "No" well, and repeatedly tried to get in your house (where you were alone).Ā After that, still had the audacity to huff and puff.Ā Ā
Those are more red flags that a damn parade, how did he even know where you live?
Girl, if a man canāt handle ānoā and shows up at your place uninvited, thatās not a crush, thatās a walking red flag with WiFi; tell your friends and trust your instincts.
I couldn't agree more. Your comment triggered a memory of a terrifying moment that happened to me decades ago. My boyfriend and I got into a fight bad enough that I drove myself home. He called me to tell me he was driving over. I told him not to come over because I wanted him completely sober when we talked through everything the next day. At the time I had a roommate that didn't feel like locks were necessary and sometimes I would arrive home after a bartender shift at 2am and find the back door sitting completely open, not cracked, entirely open. So I had a keyed lock on my room door to feel a little safer in my home. I locked up and went to bed. The next thing I know, I wake up to a man in my room causing me to be terrified until my brain porcesseded that the voice sounded like my ex while I was working to get a light turned on so I could see him. (He knew where I hid the key because I had him stay at my place while I was out of town since I couldn't trust my roommate to keep the place safe. He is yelling and I tell him to leave and he tries to come at me. He only left after I jumped over to the other side of my bed and grabbed the phone to call for help. This man knew my struggles with feeling unsafe in my home, and knew about my sleep paralysis which could sometimes cause me to be unable to speak, or move, sometimes when I would wake up. So I couldn't fathom him ignoring my demands that he not come over, much less that he would enter my locked room without turning on lights before trying to wake me up to lower the chances of terrifying me.
IMO, this guy wouldn't think twice about doing the same thing to her if he got the chance. šæ
If I was in your situation, I'd have kicked him in the balls.
NTA. You said you recently became friends. How does he know where you live? You have no idea what his intentions were and what he's capable of. Anybody is capable of anything. All this, plus he tried to come in after you told him no.
I also was wondering how he knows where she lives, while she doesn't know where he lives.
So many š©š©š©š©
Good for you, and forget that guy- he is creepy af.
Donāt forget that guy. Flag that guy to every single one of your friends, men and women both.
This guy you just met tried to force his way into your house. That's scary as hell. What would have happened if he got in? He clearly doesn't respond well to "no". Warn your friends and anyone you live with if you have roommates/family around so they can keep an eye out if he comes back.
I got SA'd by a "friend" like this when I was 20. All our mutual friends said he was a nice guy and harmless. (All of these people were men who didn't have to worry about being violated by a straight man.) I thought he was creepy but I didn't want to be seen as a bitch, so I ignored my instincts and let him in my space anyway. Big mistake. Listen to your gut feelings about men like this! Don't give him the opportunity to prove your suspicions were right.
Next time call the police. This person is not your friend, they are trying to push boundaries. They may be trying to steal from you..
This is how my friend's husband pushed inside my house and raped me.
Do not let this man into your home, OP. He has evil motives.
SA was my first thought, too.
Been there.
Survived that.
So sorry. Was my first thought as well.
NTA, OP. I forgot to say it, but this guy is problematic. Do not let him inside your house, never EVER.
Or worse
Yeah my first thought was not theft
Or buy pepper spray, if legal where you live, and use it.
Or a taser.
āSteal?ā ā¦ Dude. You know why he was there.
Girl he came over after you told him no like actually think about that this man refused your no came to your HOUSE and basically lightly tried to force his way in while you kept telling him no
Donāt be friends with someone who doesnāt respect your boundaries
I respect you so much for standing your ground.
How did he even know where you live?
I had to do a similar move on my in laws shortly after my husband and I moved in together. Felt bad at the time, but more than a decade later they give appropriate warning time and life goes on. If the interpersonal relationship is valuable enough then everyone gets over it, and if it's not then it never mattered
There were a few places where differences in personalities could have explained the situation and things could be smoothed over, allowing a great friendship or relationship to follow. Then he bulldozed over all of your valid boundries, and exposed sides of himself that should encourge you to run, not walk, away from any possibly of being alone with him.
Some outgoing people were raised in a friend group where stopping by was a normal part of the friendship. Two days ago, I was telling my son that everyone in our family wants to see him any time he has free time. That said, two members of our family will be able to enjoy visits much more if they get a phone call before arriving. Giving them time to quickly clean up or put on their "entertaining guests" mindset helps them. Otherwise, they could be excited to see you, but their brain would be trying to process not being ready for a visitor, causing them to not enjoy the first parts of the visit as much as a heads-up would have allowed for.
This man obviously remembered you wouldn't like him to show up with zero warning, but his decision to arrive after you said no thanks to him dropping by, proves that the phone call only happened so he could pretend he respected your feelings. If he thought you were joking when you said "no thanks" and hung up, that misunderstanding was cleared up when you were obviously surprised he still came. If he apologized, and said he would love to schedule a time to hang out in the future, then I could possibly say to not let this one situation keep you from getting to know him more. Some of us make mistakes when interacting with personalities that we haven't experienced before, and will adjust how we approach things in the future.
He painted the sky red when he didn't back off when you told him you were not in the mood to host anyone at this time. Then he had the nerve to try to set all the red flags on fire when he tried to physically intrude into your home as you told him he was making you uncomfortable. He shredded any type of grace someone could have given him when he then threw a toddler sized tantrum when you didn't allow him to bulldoze over your feelings and into your home. This man was unapologetically trying to force you to override your own comfort so he could get what he wanted in that moment. Someone that isn't embarrassed when they are told how out of line they are, will NEVER respect your feelings, your desires, or your needs, if they don't align with what he wants in that moment.
GTFO! You have no responsibility to teach him how to human, and if he hasn't learned that other people's comfort matters too, then I doubt he wants to learn it.
Iām guessing you have some neurodivergence in your house. When you said >will be able to enjoy visits much more if they get a phone call before arriving. Giving them time to quickly clean up or put on their "entertaining guests" mindset helps them. Otherwise, they could be excited to see you, but their brain would be trying to process not being ready for a visitor, causing them to not enjoy the first parts of the visit as much as a heads-up would have allowed for. That is a wonder we way to put my feelings to others.
I have PTSD from unexpected visitors and I used to freak out, hiding upstairs, etc. now I will usually keep walking around and just ignore it. My dogs even stopped barking after a few barks when they see me ignore someone at my door. Phone calls with me need warning as well. If someone I donāt have time to talk to, donāt want to talk to, am not expecting to call, or donāt know calls my phone I donāt answer it. Knowing my reaction and that my front door is the barrier between the world and my children and my well being I started applying the same response to my door. A ring camera also helped. If they donāt have my number to text or let me know they were coming or something like that then they have no business knocking at my door much less being let in my sanctuary.
Is huffing and puffing a thing a lot people you know do? And what does other mean?
Like, visibly agitated. Angrily sighing and scoffing a bunch, trying to argue to get his way.
Wow, what a strange guy. NTA. You have very basic boundaries, you just met this guy and hes trying to barge into your home? So weird. Stay safe
Very strange I tell you....he should go touch grassšš
Preferably not your grass though
LMAO
Sometimes those who push the door boundary and succeed, start pushing other boundaries. Also watch your back,some people can get vindictive and/or dangerous when rejected.
NTA how did he get your address? Donāt let anyone into your home unless you want them there. His lack of understanding a clear ānoā is a giant red flag.
I live in the houses our workplace provides, so I'm guessing he asked the guard or my neighbors on my exact house coz I've never told him my exact house number..... creepy
If this is a coworker you need to report that immediately. Thatās not okay at all..
Luckily he's not a coworker, just a "friend" I met through other friends. Ooh my previous workplace was filled with creeps too, my current one is heavenš
Ahh okay when you said āourā workplace I thought you meant the two of you, but good to know you donāt have to see him every day. Does the guard where you live need to let people in? If so I would tell him not to allow this guy, he doesnāt sound safe.
Yes the houses are in a different fence near the office and there's a guard at the gate. I will definitely be telling all the guards to notify me if there's any visitor and never let Jeremy in.
Good! Please keep yourself safe. If your workplace allows you to, maybe install a security camera by the door of your house.
I will ask my supervisor tomorrow and if it's allowed then I'll do that as soon as I can. Thank you!!!
Also not for nothing but I would just be careful going to / from work to make sure you aren't followed or nobody is waiting there.
Buy a cheap wifi camera to put in your house with motion alerts so you will know if anyone goes in or out. This isn't just a little rude, this is next-level stalker behavior.
Current one isn't heaven if a gate guard gave your address to a random dude. That needs to be looked into.
Tell your friends about this guy. This is quite literally creepy stalker behavior. Donāt let him gaslight you to think otherwise. Who knows what danger you were in if he actually came inside. He sounds dangerous and his actions are predatory. His āhuffā about it is unhinged.Ā
It is really creepy and he should be reported. Do you keel your house locked while you are at home? Iām assuming itās locked while you are not at home. You need to keep your doors locked at all times.
Yes immediately I come back from work I lock myself inside Incase I want to sleep or just relax. Safety is my first priority
Yep definitely avoid him. He isnāt entitled to you or your home.
Every detail you provide just serves to make this guy sound worse and worse. Absolutely NTA, and you should put the word out the way he not only behaved, but the way he found out where you live without you telling him yourself. I would also invest in at least a basic security cam at your door. I would hope he's got the picture and will avoid you now, but that's not something you want to risk betting on.
That makes this MUCH more creepy! OP you did the right thing, no doubt about it
ETA: NTA
That right there is creepy af, that's definitely not ok, stay safe chicky
The was my question as well. How does he know where she lives.
WHY would you think youāre in the wrong??? š heās literally acting crazy šš
I'm a recovering people pleaser so sometimes I still feel badšš But thank you for the reassurance.
Just remember that people who make you feel uncomfortable are probably not a good fit in your life. Life is too short to be unhappy for the sake of others
Yes I will keep this in mind thank you. I will tell our other friends and distance myself from him.
He was banking on you being too nice and letting him in anyway. Sketchy behavior. Good for you for not letting him
This is bad. He does not like to take 'no' for an answer. Dangerous.
Ooh very dangerous, I'll be talking the security people of our neighborhood to keep an eye out. I was not thinking this far but now I can see him coming back.
Thatās stalker behaviour, definitely let your friends know he found out your address and tried to push his way into your home. Thatās not ok.
I'm absolutely going to....I'm sure our mutuals think he's a nice guy, I thought so too before this encounter I hope they believe me.
Also, get cameras and a security system. Do a background check on him. . He may have a record. I doubt this is the first time he has done this. Tell your family and friends. Tell everything. Safety first.
yeah, I wouldn't open the door to Jeremy ever again. His behavior is borderline. NTA
Now I'm thinking I should tell our other mutual friends, just in case
You absolutely should. And, be watchful. If he starts magically showing up places that you are at without having any reasonable way of knowing you'd be there, there's an issue.
Get Ring cameras!!
Yesss! He's so creepy.
Is he a glomper?
This isn't borderline. This is way over the line. Borderline would be he had a legit reason to be at the house and then wanted to come in, maybe the motive is innocent, tough to tell. This man made up an excuse to be in the area, didn't take no for an answer on getting together, had specifically already cased out where she lives (???????) and knew where to go AND went there to initiate a second attempt to get invited in and STILL tried to force his way in.
This man planned this out and didn't like that it didn't go to plan. Who the fuck knows what he will plan next. This is so far over the line.
It's not borderline. It's abusive.
NTA
NTA
NTA
Jeremy is not your friend.
He ignored you when you said you needed advance notice before entertaining visitors.
He ignored you when you told him over the phone that he could not come to your house.
He ignored you when you told him he could not come into your house (luckily, you were able to keep him out.
What other boundaries of yours do you think he plans to ignore?
Do you want this man to place his penis in one of your orifices? If you remain in contact with him, that is what will happen. He has made it clear he will ignore you when you say ānoā
Also this was not spur of the moment. This was planned.
This is a red flag.
Only bad people try to push their way into your home, and the fact that you already said No several ways makes it worse.
Definitely NTA. You told this dude over and over you didn't want him coming over, and he completely ignored you
Violating my boundaries ššcreep
He's lucky all you did was tell him no
Oh very luckyyy....when I get angry I'll throw the first thing I see at you and there was a wooden stool just behind the door LoL
There's also your knee which could've very easily found it's way to his crotch
Yesss omg you're so righttt I'm so keeping this in mind for my defense!!!!
Sounds like he tried to force himself in.
NTA.
Thats weird .... sure "he was in the neighbourhood". No one is that comfortable visiting if they never were invited before. Also how does he know your address? Seems like you guys are only casual friends?
So my workplace has houses near our offices just different fences but very near. He knows where I work and that I stay in one of those houses. So I'm guessing he asked the other residents or the guards for the exact house number. I doubt my other friends would have told him so that's my best guess... still very creepy and disturbing š
"I'm guessing he asked the other residents or the guards for the exact house number. "
Or he stalked you from your work to your house.. don't rule it out.
oh you did the right thing with setting boundaries that he ignored so you were right to show him the door.
NTA. Who does that? I don't think I'd want to remain "friends" with someone who tried to impose himself like that. He called, you said no thanks, and he still has the nerve to show up? Friendship over.
He's definitely not a safe person. He kept pushing past your 'no'. Anyone with good intentions and respect for you would have taken no for an answer. I would not be hanging out with them ever, definitely not 1 on 1.
Seems like he had other motives. Listen to your instinct. Keeping someone out is alot easier than getting someone out.
NTAH. No means no.
Thank you!!
NTA he sounds freaking obnoxious. He wasn't invited. He just invited himself. You said no and he ignored you and still showed up. Then he tried to force his way in anyway? I'd be very leery of being around this guy. Something's not right with him. Most people don't invite themselves, especially after being told no. And nobody tries to force their way into your home after being told no. That's really weird and not ok at all. Something's really off about him.
In some states in America, you couldāve legally shot him. šŗšø š¤Ø
If someone, male or female, attempted to enter my home after I told them no TWICE, we are no longer friends. This guy doesn't respect you, period. I, personally, would be scared of this guy. May I strongly suggest you get a Ring cam. My husband and I insisted my daughter get one when she moved out.
This guy is going to gaslight you and try to make you feel bad. Girls are always told to be nice, or they're called a b!tch. Protect yourself. Cut him off. Take care.
How does he know where you live if this is his first time visiting and you have only met him once?
NTA He tried forcing his way into your home. Thatās some scary level sh!t. Call the cops if he shows again.
You told him no several times, you told him he's making you uncomfortable and he proceeded to try pushing past you and enter your home.
In no universe are you the AH here. Get rid of this creep.
Highly likely you saved yourself from a SA.
NTA
NTA. Get cameras. Install a deadbolt.
Absolutely NTA! This is exactly what some rapists do, just ram their way in and ignore all your boundaries and protests. I would never associate with him in a 1:1 setting, only in a public group setting, if then.
This is one of the biggest red flags I've seen in a long time. You did an excellent job of protecting your boundaries. Kudos!!
NTA and I think you're underplaying this! From what I understand, you had a man you've known only briefly, and never interacted with (in person) outside of one social setting, show up practically unannounced to your house after you told him not to, try to force his way in twice, and got all bent out of shape when you demanded he leave. Not to mention the fact you had to tell him, what, three times to gtfoā½ I would have a serious conversation with him (with mutual friends present) about boundaries and not crossing them. If he can't comply with that he may not be worth keeping in contact with.
NTA, Iām a big fan of the spontaneous drop by, but he was told no and showed up anyway. Thatās incredibly rude.
NTA. Your home is your temple, your sacred space. Anyone who doesnāt get it can fuck off.
No is a full sentence. Jeremy is the asshole.
On a frighteningly related note; Jeremy will eventually try to force his way into your pants the same way he tried to force himself into your home. This is certainty.
I have no doubt that was his plan, hence the huffing and puffing that he wasnāt allowed in the house.
OP, please let everyone know about Jeremy. Recovering people pleaser here as well, but honestly, itās better to be thought of as a *itch vs being the victim of SA.
Iāve been SAād by a āfriendā, Iāve thwarted a few more would-bes by trusting my gut and being a *itch. Iād rather see who gaslights me and blindly trusts the asshole(s) so I can cut them out of my life while Iām at it.
NTA and kind of alarming that he would try to force himself into your space after a firm no. Huge red flag and you for sure did the right thing. You can never be too careful in todayās world imo. Great job holding your boundaries!
NTA dude didnt respect your boundaries and frankly sounds like an unsafe person to be around alone.
So he has never been to your place and you only talked once in real life. You have a one month account. This feels like AI slop and you are most likely a karma farming bot
This is terrifying. How do you think you went to far?
A person you recently got to know more went to your house at night and tried to push his way into your house.
Please decide if this person you should be near or not.
Absolutely šÆ NTA, that man didn't respect your boundaries and didn't even respect you enough to not turn up in the first place after you already told him no. Big red flags my lovely. Hopefully he just leaves you alone now
NTA dude's a fucking stalker. Who TF just shows up unannounced to someone's home in the age of cellphones? Especially someone they don't know all that well and who has never invited them to their house (and it sounds like he got the address from someone else, not even OP herself šµāš«) AND then he tried to force his way in after you said no? Fuck that shit!!!
If I show up to a person's house I never even think about going in until I'm invited. This dude is a problem.
I've only met one guy who would have the audacity to do this, and he would only do so to friends he's know for years. Under no circumstance is this acceptable behavior.
This guy's a predator in the making. Stay faaaaaaar away. Let everyone else know what happened.
Donāt answer your door unless you are expecting someone you want in your home. It avoids all kinds of problems.
NTA, I had an ex friend do this. I moved into a house. Never gave her my address because we were starting to not talk to each other. She called me to tell me she was on her way to my house with her son. I for one, was leaving to my MIL house, and two I have animals. My house wasn't clean for a little baby. I told her so and that why didn't she even tell me? Her excuse? I wanted to surprise you. Um how? Let's just say she never saw my house and we are no longer friends.
NTA and woman to woman Iām damn proud of you! You stood your ground, set your boundaries and didnāt let some obviously creepy man overstep them. Donāt ever lose that power, you have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty for and you never should in that type of situation.
NTA and this is a warning sign do not trust him or ever let him in
NTA. This guy is a bit of a weirdo. I would be cautious around him.
NTA. Clearly he was making a move. But really gives r*pey vibes.
I have not had a guest in like 20 years. I despise people in my house, and if somebody shows up unannounced, I don't even answer the fucking door. They can knock all day
He's a creep.
I think the question you should be asking yourself is, "AITAH for posting a question on AITAH every month?" (see OP's post history)
Nope, we crossed boundaries. He would never be welcome at my home agsin
NTA and NOT a friend. Creepy AF behavior.
how does he know where sou live if he was never here befire? sounds fake tbh
I donāt think you went too far at all. I suggest cutting contact with him. That whole interaction seems intended for him to get you alone. His behavior screams predator.
Your told him no, twice, and he still tried forcing his way into your home. Sounds like someone needs to be completely blocked from your life. That's psycho behavior! NTA.
This one is the easiest NTA I've seen in a while. You told him advance that you don't want unscheduled visitors. You set the border early. You then made it clear several times, both before he showed up and during his attempt at crossing both the border and the threshold. There is one big A-hole in this story and anyone not agreeing is carrying just as many red flags as your "friend"
You did right. No means no.
NTA. He's not a friend. I think it's creepy that he tried hard to get into your home unannounced. He may have ulterior motives. Be safe and try to distance yourself from this person. They're no longer safe to be around.
guarantee you if you were a dude this would never happen. cant get anyone to show up for shit nowadays or even get a text
I donāt think Iād continue a āfriendshipā with a dude who wonāt take no for an answer when told he canāt come in your home. I feel like heās trying to push this past a friendship.
I'd recommend telling all of your male REAL friends exactly what happened, and you'd appreciate it if they'd help him understand that they themselves are very interested in making sure you aren't bothered in any way by anyone. Leave it up to them exactly how to convey this information to him.
NTA you set boundaries. His goal is to get you to not keep that with him, then he knows youāll never keep a boundary with him. Then he will be able to control you. Block him and tell your friends.
Thats not a friend, thats a creep nad somebody that has the potential to harm you
You're spot on. Setting boundaries is essential, and anyone disregarding them isn't worth your time. He's not a friend; he's a boundary pusher looking to take advantage of someone who's too polite. You did the right thing showing him the door. Trust your instinctsāthis behavior isnāt just rude; itās alarming. Share this with mutual friends for awareness, and protect yourself first and foremost.
Woah, your first instincts were spot on. The guy is creepy AF. Find out more about him, see if he has a criminal record. He's dangerous.
Nta. Total disrespect of you and your boundaries. I'd end the friendship now, honestly.
NTA.
You said no, he didn't listen. Hurt feelings are all his own fault.
First of all, who goes over to people's houses nowadays? And second, you clearly laid it out for him. I could understand wanting to shoot a quick text or something asking something like "hey I know you said to usually ask in advance, but I'm in the neighborhood and wanted to know if you'd like to kick it?" But then saying just a plain "okay" when being told no. He definitely went too far. Showing up after being hung up on is him purposefully ignoring your clear signal of "no". NTA
Hell no, his behavior is outrageous. Keep your boundaries.
Thats so many red flags. Maybe I listen to too much true crime, but thats really wierd, invasive behavior. He completely disregarded all of your boundaries. I would be outraged.
NTA
NTA he was told what your boundaries are, he's been told that and its not your job to make him feel comfortable by saying yeah come in its great to see you , when all you want to do is go to sleep. He's got 2 choices suck it up and leave you in peace , or just leave you in peace and make plans 1st , its that easy
No you are NTAH. Ignore him forever. He doesnāt need you to do his job.
NTA.be very careful with a man who violates your boundaries. No is a complete sentence.
NTA at all. Not at all. This man is not your friend.
Move on. Disrespect is EVERYTHING. NTA.
NTAH
Last guy who tried to push through my door succeeded, and then he tried to assault me, he only stopped because he saw that I was uncomfortable (I was sexually abused as a kid, I've learned I have a freeze response) and he kept telling me how he's not a creep.
Only creeps don't take no and try to shove their ways through doors.
I'm glad you were able to stop him from coming in, he didn't have good intentions. Do everything you need to do to protect yourself, and to feel safe. I always keep something next to my door that can be used as a weapon if needed.
At minimum he's a creep. He tried to force his way in your home that you never gave him the address to. First thing you need to do is inform security and their bosses that letting this man know your address is unacceptable and you want him banned from the property after he attempt to force his way into your home after they provided him with your address. Reiterate how unacceptable this is. Then make sure you tell all your mutual friends and that you want nothing to do with him after he attempted to barge into your home despite your protests. File a police report but just no nothing will happen from it for now but it's good to start a paper trail. NTA
NTA! This is so wildly inconsiderate of him. I don't think anyone likes unexpected guests. Dropping by is bad enough, but expecting to come inside? LOL no.
Yup, I hate this 100%
And I literally experienced this myself.
As someone who is an introvert and also a homebody.
Home is my space and also there are boundaries that should not be disrespected or ignored. And especially friends.
I had a friend come over unannounced with a group of two others, and I was like, ya you guys have to go, you canāt just show up in a group like that without notice.
Itās not considerate, and taking advantage and a lack of respect.
Funny thing is, it got to the point where the next day I got a call from my friend and low and behold I hear him knocking, and it was him, and on another occasion he did the same thing and I sent him home.
Itās like it wasnāt registering for him.
NTA.
This is definitely a red flag. Not only did he ignore you when you told him not to come to your place, but he tried to still come into your apartment. That would be rude from anyone whoās a friend, but concerning from someone you only met once.
You might want to think about getting some kind of door chain or other device to keep your door from getting pushed open.
NTA
don't ever talk to this person again
A) NTA He was told to not come, fuck him.
B) 2 days heads up sounds crazy pants.
Jeremy is WEIRD. (and pushy for some reason)
Jesus no, NTA. This sounds psychopathic. He Should've stopped at no.
Jeremy is bad.
NTA. Dude wanted to get lucky.
Thatās not cool. NTA.
NTAā¦you told him in the beginning of the friendship that you are not into pop up visits, and then when he called you told him that you were not up for company.
people are INVITED into another person's home, by the person who resides there. it's that basic.
NTA but why does he already know where you live anyway? Keep your personal business to yourself
NTA, but how did he know where you lived if you said this was his first time visiting? I donāt understand why he even has your address
NTA
Creeper Jeremy can stay outside!
the fuckin gall dude good on you for setting a boundary some people are possessive as hell and try to use you in some way don't let them..
NTA. The flag is redder than my bedsheets once a month, he was pretty damn aggressive about wanting in. Who knows what would have happened if you gave in.
He basically tried to break into your house without consent. I donāt think youāre overreacting at all. Iād actually consider being friends with him especially if he doesnāt understand that no means no.
NTA. He did not respect your requests. HITA and a bit creepy.
Itās strange and creepy. NTA. Donāt talk to him please
You did the right thing. During college friends I knew well would occasionally drop in. Not very often but they did after I started working. No one ever dropped in and that's the way I like it
NTA. He knows you don't want people showing up without a couple days advance notice, you specifically told him not to come, and he pushed right past your boundaries and showed up and then tried to enter your home after you told him he couldn't come in. If you "recently" met him and he's already doing this, I can't imagine what else he would do. He seems creepy.
Why does this man know where you live? And this is how a woman gets killed
nta
sometimes Iād like to be able to be a telepath, to try to even imagine what the thought process of someone like him even is, as e.g. logic can not have been involved
stay safe, maybe even get a ring camera or something like that, a chain for the door, just in case he thinks his entitlement is more important than laws
Regardless of your boundaries, him showing up and pressuring you to let him in when you really dont know each other that well is a major red flag. Use caution around him in the future, people with good intentions don't do that.
What the fuck OP?
If you described this accurately Iād be significantly more hostile to him.
You said no, he showed up anyway, you said go away, and he kept trying to enter?
What the fuck was he there to do piss you off or assault you? Whereās the āfriendā aspect here?
I venture you giving a hard no protected you in more ways than one
NTA. Your instincts were so spot on. I'm SO glad you did not let that man into your house. You would think that some people have no shame, but something about the way he keeps trying to push himself in is extremely alarming.
Also, as women, I realized that we tend to feel guilty for setting boundaries and standing our ground even when the situation requires it... it sucks that you feel like YOU were in the wrong here, when it was that creepy man.
NTA. You politely told him you weren't up for visitors, and he blatantly ignored that. That's not respecting the answer NO and your boundary. Immediate red flag.
You are so NTA. You said no. You communicated your boundary. You reiterated it to his face. He is a pushy creep and youāre better off if heās so offended that he never speaks to you again. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
Bro invited himself over what a weirdo
regardless that heās a CREEP!!ā¦ itās your home. how rude of him! nta and n e v e r apologize for boundaries when it comes to your space. stay away from him
Sounds like he was planning to sexually assault you. Definitely donāt let him in ever. NTA
NTAH
Had a friend tell me about her college days and online gaming. Three different guys showed up at her dorm just wanting to hang out unannounced. From different states. No plan on what happens if they got rejected, hung out outside playing their Gameboy/PSP.
Not surprised this is still happening today, but so disappointed. What delusions of grandeur do they have in their head and how did they gain the confidence to play it out?
NTA. Did you go too far by not allowing an acquaintance into your private space and enforcing your very reasonable boundaries??? HELL NO! Your home is your safe place. Of course you should prioritize your comfort and safety over what this man wants. Boundaries only mean something if they are enforced. Never make yourself feel uncomfortable for a man.
I would do the same thing if this happened to me but I would have been more mean about it. It was creepy he tried to enter your home after you said no.
NTA. He obviously doesnāt respect boundaries and you need to find a new friend.
NTA. You made him aware of your rules, itās your home and this was an attempt at home invasion. Get a big dog.
NTA
Also DTMFA, even though you are just "friends." (Note: he is not your friend.)
Dude is NOT your friend. This is all extremely weird and concerning. Never once have I ever had anyone show up uninvited or try to enter my home without full approval. My best friend in the world has been around the corner and called/ texted with no approach unless invited to come.
NTA. Thatās super creepy and rapey.
Wtf did you open the door? Jfc are you stupid. Do you know how many women out there are assaulted, abused, kidnapped, etc. Survival instincts of a sunfish.
NTA but lock your doors.
Nah he crossed a boundary, you are in control of who comes in and out of your house. I donāt do pop ups, plan with me ahead of time or youāll be told to leave.
You did perfect. He obviously wasn't respecting your boundaries, nor was he listening.
Nta. You told him no. End of discussion.
No you didn't go too far, you set a very reasonable boundary and he tried to stomp all over your boundary. Luckily you have a strong, shiny spine and stood up for yourself and enforced your boundary. Good for you, this internet stranger is proud of you, and I hope you never doubt yourself again in this type of situation. NTA
NTA this was creepy. He doesn't respect your boundaries, but he wants to come into your house with you alone? He's not a friend, he's a creep.
NTA. You may want to reevaluate the friendship
nta you told him no and he came over anyway.