It seems like between 1/4-1/3 of the time we go somewhere, she sends something back to be remade. In her defense, she is never rude about it and always both thankful and grateful to the staff. Now don't get me wrong, I'll send something back if it's burnt or wrong, but I feel like most of the times she sends it back for things that I personally wouldn't and I'm forced to either wait for my food to get cold or eat alone then wait for her to eat. Here's a few examples of reasons she's asked for her food to be remade in recent memory.
Hamburger wasn't seasoned enough.
Fries weren't as crispy as normal
Less sauce on her pasta than normal.
Not enough cheese on her cheesesteak.
In my mind, I don't expect food at a restaurant to be perfect every time. I honestly wouldn't care about her doing this if it wasn't happening as frequently as it is. At the same time, I want her to be able to enjoy our night outs. WIBTA if I gently brought it up?
Edit: Whoa I didn't expect my wife's picky eating to blow up this much. Just for some clarification, no I don't think this is some kind of power trip or her being a Karen. It just really bothers her for some reason when her food doesn't come out the way she expected. This plus a few other things I've noticed in our years together make me think she is slightly on the spectrum, but I know better than to ever say that to her. I'll try and gently bring it up sometime and maybe offer some alternative solutions. Thank you all.
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NTA - My mom does this and it can be embarrassing at times.
Especially if it's done multiple times at the SAME restaurant. Like, ok I get it you don't like the food so we'll just not come to this restaurant anymore.
For sure. I have a friend who this post made me think of immediately. He's gone off on wait staff twice at the same place (in a way that is much less chill than OP describes).
You'd think he wouldn't go back... But it's his favorite restaurant! He always wants to go there.
It's like he has this combination of high expectations and feeling like it has to live up to all the hype he gives the place... But it feels like I enjoy my food way more than him every time. I wonder if his experiences are different when he goes alone.
It's so weird!
I finally just quit going out to dinner with a friend of mine because I realized that her sending food back and complaining about it was just a simple power play. She was a clerk for her profession, just a common clerk, and sending the food back was the only time she got to feel important
That's the impression I get as well.
"There are people here meant to wait on me, and wait on me, they will! I will make them earn their job title!"
Some people just aren't satisfied unless they are making other people miserable. They get off on some weird kind of power trip.
This is exactly what it's about most of the time. Insecure people who think these people are paid to cater to their every whim. In other words " It's your job to make me feel like I matter."
Your friend has consumed a lot of server saliva. Don't tell him.
Eh, I'd rather tell him. It's a relatively new phenomenon, but he needs someone to tell him it's not okay to treat people that way!
Be a friend, even if its difficult and tell him to knock it off or people despise him
My parents owned a restaurant for 35 years and actually would fire customers over this. If we haven't made you happy ONCE in 5+ attempts then our tastes are not aligned.
Watching them get all indignant at being told that they can no longer access the food they claim was god-awful was fun.
This needs to happen more often. I get why it doesn't, but damn, it was cathartic reading your post.
Is there a possibility that sending food back has nothing to do with whether the dish is actually good or bad?
Maybe she’s just doing it for the sake of doing it, because returning dishes has simply become a routine part of her daily life 😂
Some people just love being difficult
This is why I don’t go out with this group of coworkers. They will be difficult when it comes time to pay and then complain about the waitress after.
I bet they want to split the check evenly, even though some got a lot more, & some less.
I went out with my coworkers as a send-off when I quit - my manager treated the waitress super poorly over tiny things. Yes, she was a career retail veteran who had drank the corporate kool-aid.
Some people love being waited on and catered to, and they just can't get enough attention from someone who is obligated to humor their demands. We all know someone who would max out their credit cards to buy a slave, if they could get away with it.
It's this. I worked in the service industry for 16 years and you'd be shocked at how many people think waitstaff is basically the same thing as having a personal servant. An example of some requests I've received from entitled guests:
-Cut their steak for them, this was an adult man
-Bring their car around. We had no valet, and I was a server
-Take their "service" dog out to go to the bathroom because their food had just arrived and they didn't want it to get cold
-Drive them home because they were drunk, I was the manager and they were a bar regular. This was at a time where Uber was a common tool and this dude was upper middle class
-Assist their elderly mother in using the toilet. I'm a male, and there were 4 other able-bodied adults in their party
I HATE people who abuse service staff!
People show just how much of a giant gaping asshole they are, if they treat servers like shit.
I treat servers, hosts, bartenders like they are doing me a favor (albeit for a monetary exchange) because they are. They are doing me the favor of not having to cook, make drinks, serve my own food or clean up after myself. No matter who it is, if someone treats a server poorly while I am out with them, it will be the last time.
I treat them with respect because my first job was in the service industry and I remember what it was like to be traded with general and inappropriate disdain.
I once had a woman complain to my manager about my "attitude" when she came to our high end raw bar restaurant and I had to let her know we didn't have a kids menu when she asked for one. I offered suggestions of items we sold that kids might like, but let her know we didn't have any kid specific items. She told the manager I should have been more accommodating, because she was a customer
😳😳😳
My MIL is like this. She really thinks service people are all her actual friends even though she is very much like OP’s wife. She was genuinely perturbed when we wouldn’t invite her PERSONAL TRAINER to our wedding. She’s also the “no but where are you REALLY from” lady whenever someone has a hint of an accent.
Ppl like her and ops wife need to watch the movie Waiting
I really think this is it. My SIL is rude and picky and ungrateful in restaurants, and I genuinely believe it's because behaving that way makes her feel superior to the wait staff.
Exactly. And then they complain that no one wants to be around them.
That was my first thought. Maybe it makes her feel special, noticed, etc. TBH I'd find this super annoying and would not go out to eat with that person any more. But that's just me.
I have customers like this. It’s always for some minuscule nothing. I apologize and tell them I’ll order a new item of whatever it is, wait a week and give them back the item.
Love your work.
I think it could be. Less because of routine, but maybe more because she likes the control or validation or feeling some sort of power in doing it.
Exerting control in a world where they feel they have none?
By being an asshole to restaurant staff. I’d never go out to eat with someone like this.
If she has a habit of doing this and they frequent the same restaurants, I guarantee the staff hates seeing them come in (unless they spend a lot and tip well).
Source: I worked in hospitality for many years.
I never give anything back. Even if it's wrong I just eat it.
But in France I returned a chicken sandwich twice lol. They gave me that fucker 99% raw the first time (even raw by their standards), and then 95% raw the second time.
That second sandwich showed up in about 60 seconds so I should've known I was in for a cultural experience.
Restaurant owner here 🙋🏻♀️
We have customers like this. I dread seeing them come in.
Once in a while if you hesitate to fix a problem they’ll be like, I’m a very good customer of this establishment! And I’m thinking, we lose money every time you come in!
And they are the reason you fire customers
I need to get tougher because you are right!
Yes you do. If they do it more than a few times, the next conversation you have with them says something like "I am very sorry sir/madam that our establishment is obviously not up to your exacting requirements based on how frequently you send food back, I feel the best way to help you be satisfied going forward is to recommend and require that in future you dine somewhere more commensurate with your expectations."
You don't even need to be "tough" you just need to get used to the idea of having hard conversations, and the art of delivery.
Just practice a few phrases you can keep in your back pocket.
"I've heard you are unhappy with our product again. That's so unfortunate, I'm sorry you won't be back."
"At this point we've done what we can to satisfy you. Unfortunately I just don't think we can meet your expectations. We'll cover the bill, thanks for giving us a try"
Why do you keep entertaining them if they're losing you money anyways?
Ugh…I have a family restaurant that’s been around for generations. We wouldn’t want to embarrass her in front of her family and friends.
I did however have a woman who complained about EVERY “to go” order and I eventually told her, You know Miss Cindy, it makes me so sad but it looks like we are no longer able to please you any more and we think you might be happier at a different restaurant. She was shocked and all complaints stopped! Tough love I guess lol
Some people have absolutely no clue how ridiculous they are being until it's pointed out. Speaking up needs to be seen as less of a taboo issue.
In my former miserable existence as a restaurant manager for several decades the 10 to 1 rule was pounded into my head as a means to keep me under control and continue to collect paychecks. Potentially losing 10 customers for every one unhappy customer. This is why so many of us now/formerly in the restaurant business don’t go off on awful customers.
A lot of restaurants these days are chains or they’re owned by absentee people who hire a manager. i grew up in the ancient times when there were no chain restaurants in my area (not even Howard Johnson’s) and all owners were in their restaurants working. In those days, since there weren’t any chains, there were few restaurants. You did not want to get on the bad side of a restaurant owner because you could be banned. Being banned from a restaurant made you a social pariah. As a teen I worked in a German restaurant that was very popular.
One day a local businessman came into the restaurant for lunch with a woman who wasn’t his wife. The owner let them eat lunch and as they were leaving she said, “Oh Mr Smith come mitt me I vant to show you something.” She took his arm and walked into the kitchen with him and said, “You are velcome here mitt your vife and family. You are not welcome here mitt someone like that, yes? Of course you understand. Next time you come here, you come mitt your vife or you don’t come here at all.”
It would’ve been marital suicide if he got banned from the restaurant, so he never showed up with anyone but his wife after that.
But you can’t do that as a manager in a chain restaurant. It’s too bad, really.
I imagine in the year of our lord 2025 it's a big risk to fire a customer for something annoying but generally tolerable. The mob on my local Next Door loves nothing more than coming together as a community to attempt to destroy a business if the right person posts about it the right way.
My MIL does it every single time. I haven’t gone to a restaurant with her in about 5 years, and I haven’t seen her in about 3 years because she’s just all-around terrible. Thankfully my husband agrees.
Same with my Mom. No order is ever simple. Condiment changes, stuff on "the side". Drink with no ice with an extra cup of ice.
My mom has started to literally scream if something doesn't taste as expected. Not an angry scream, a loud sudden yelp like she just saw a spider.
Except it was just that she thought the sauce tasted like it had fish in it. Does she eat fish? Of course she does. And it doesn't really taste like fish anyways.
When someone comes to ask her if everything's okay she'll say she was "just surprised" and expect them to offer to get her something new, which she'll kindly accept as she pushes the dish away with a disgusted look on her face.
I hate going out with her so much.
Have you told her how her behavior affects you? I know I wouldn't continue going out with someone like this.
I would tell her that changes in taste could be a sign of a brain tumor and she needs to get checked out because her reaction is not normal.
Or dementia.
Yeah, there is absolutely no way I would be going anywhere with this person.
Does she send it back when she comes over to eat at your house? So weird to expect something exactly as you had in mind.
My mom quit doing this when I told her I wasn't going out with her anymore, because she only did it because my dad used to, and I did want to eat whatever was put in the food after she did this.
My mom had an epiphany at some point that she was one of "these people". She didn't go to a restaurant for a year so she could teach herself to be more appreciative and less nitpicky. It hasn't been a problem since.
Can she do a TED Talk?
I would stay home. I would be so embarrassed.
If only she could hear the staff at every restaurant talk about her behind her back. I wonder if that would humiliate her enough to just cut it out.
My ex wife was like that....
I used to think "can't she EVER just order the #3???"
My mom’s coffee order: 1/3 cup of coffee and 2/3 cup hot water. She will drink 3 cups during breakfast. A steak that comes with a sauce on the side. She doesn’t want it on the plate or table. Everything is nitpicked to death. She loves attention and control. She does tip well, though, but it’s exhausting.
My parents did this and were rude to top it off. I'd secretly wish they'd spit in their food, because my parents deserved it. I'd also go to the "restroom" but then find our server and give them an extra early tip and I'd apologize for their behavior. Eventually I stopped going out to eat with them, free food isn't worth the embarrassment. They were also disgustingly maga and I went NC. They are now passed so that chapter is over now.
These people consume more spit than they realize. I don’t anger or offend those who touch my food when I’m not looking. I’m not crazy. But my mom is a recipe ruiner. Every damn dish is changed to her specs. Her sister sends things back frequently. I hate eating out with them. It’s always embarrassing.
"These people consume more spit than they realize" is an amazing turn of a phrase, and perhaps the one-day title of my memoirs.
Also, awesome handle.
You’re probably not wrong about the spit thing, unfortunately.
Your mom sounds like the type that gives an online recipe one star and puts in three paragraphs about how she changed it and how disappointed she is that it was not as described in the recipe. No kidding, Janet, your changes turns it into a completely different dish!
r/ididnthaveeggs
NTA. My ex bf did this a lot over small things. I ended up just eating my dinner as why should I eat cold food
And one notes he is an ex! In my experience people this fussy about food are often difficult and seldom content in general.
yeah idk how op ended up married to this situation lol. i would block a guy i'm dating if he kept doing this. its extremely annoying and embarrassing.
I am 1000% with you. Just eat the damn food!
Yes, but also waiting for her order to be remade delays when he can get home.
Her high-maintenance impacts him in more ways than one. I would be pretty frustrated, too.
Especially since most of those scenarios could be solved by just asking the server to bring you something extra on the side. Like extra sauce, cheese, or seasoning.
I'm not saying OP's wife is a bad person but she seems REALLY over the top lol.
The polite thing to do if you send food back is to say to the table “don’t wait for me”
NTA, if she's that picky she should make her expectations known upfront so the kitchen can know if they can accommodate her requests. Also, asking for more sauce just means getting a side of it, she doesn't need to send her whole meal back.
If this is a common problem I'd stop eating out with her. I eat out regularly in my very busy home city and all over the world and have legit sent food back maybe twice?
Yeah, I’m almost 50 and I have sent food back exactly twice. Once was a pancake that was goo in the middle and a pork belly taco that was a rectangle of fried pork fat, no meat, like it was whitish on the inside with a crispy golden outside. It reminded me of fried tofu.
Shivering in disgust over fried pork fat.
I’ll have to send things back maybe 1-2 times a year but it’s only when it arrives with something I’m allergic to and asked specifically for it to be excluded due to an allergy, or there’s something gross like a hair or broken glass in it. Basic decency stuff!
I don't think it's about the food, I think it's about the special attention. She doesn't feel like she's getting good customer service unless there's a problem being solved.
My SIL loved the attention and would keep the wait staff running. Every time they returned to the table, she would "need" something else: more tea, more napkins, extra order of fries to go, etc. It was like she didn't want the server to get bored or something. She always talked really loud in a baby voice. One time the server "accidentally" spilled an entire tray of sweet tea on her lol!
Hah, the whole tray???
"Oops" continues to pour additional glasses on your SIL
Yes lol! 6 big glasses of sweet tea hahaha! It was beautiful :)
Same. I sent food back once in China because I asked for no chilis and the dish came with peppers. If I'd not asked I'd have just dealt with it (I don't ask for replacements if my issue is a misunderstanding of the dish on my part), but because I had made the request I sent it back.
Husband sent back food once because it had a hair that was definitely not either of ours.
I can't imagine sending food back over something like a personal preference. Not enough sauce? Fries not crispy enough? That's typically a you thing and not something the restaurant is doing wrong. You can't expect things to be 100% catered to your tastes unless you're the one making it. Some people like softer fries. Some people like less sauce on their pasta. Deal with it.
Yeah, my husband likes his fries crispy. He tells the server when he orders that he likes them extra crispy. He also informs them that if they are not crispy, he WILL send them back. I think it’s only happened once or twice. If she does not communicate clearly, from the beginning, that she wants crispy fries, then that’s on her. The rest is just asking for sides of the item, ie extra sauce or cheese.
This. She needs to be explicit from the start. But if she still gets subpar soggy food after saying she wants it crispy, let it go and let her send it back. She wants food worth paying for.
I'm a bit of a foodie, over 20 years I've sent back once and only when it was legitimately inedible.
I waited tables in college at a steakhouse. My brother used to come in a couple times a month and each time he'd send his prime rib back. I finally told him that I wouldn't allow him to be seated in my section anymore because of it, it was that ridiculous.
Another time at the same restaurant I had a customer send their prime rib back 3 times, and the chef finally cut a new piece of prime rip and placed in a to-go container with fresh sides, then filled two soup cups with au jus and walked it to the table and set it down. When the woman asked what that was, he said, "It's a prime rib for you to cook at home since we clearly can't cook it to your standards."
Her husband looked like he wanted to die, and I thought she was going to allow herself to be swallowed by the floor.
Many moons ago, when I worked for Starbucks, I had a customer that wanted a cappuccino with a very specific proportion of milk to foam. We'd remake her drink 3 to 4 times every day. She'd stand at the hand-off plain and stir in her Equal and taste it and stir it and taste it and stir it and taste it. Then she'd decide she didn't like it, and we'd remake it.
Finally, I saw her come in a hopped on the bar. I made her a dry cappuccino (mostly foam) and handed her a cup of steamed milk. I told her that since we always messed up her drink, she could add her own milk to make it the way she liked it. Same ritual. That last round of milk, I could tell that she'd messed it up but didn't want to say so.
We never remade her drink again. She always got a dry cappuccino and a side of steamed milk for the rest of the time I worked there.
(For all you coffee folks, yes, the stirring does ruin the whole point of the cappuccino.)
Exact same scenario. But my manager stepped in after the third time I had remade it and tried to remake it herself, the exact same way I had just done three times. She told them they would be getting a refund since we clearly cannot make the coffee to her standards, and she was just wasting product at this point. Her husband was annoyed the entire time and I could tell he dealt with her bs often. They were old too. I can’t imagine dealing with that shit for 45+ years of marriage.
you would be surprised how many people put up with (and even enable) this kind of BS rather than exit the marriage. I will never understand it. Miserable existence.
Hah I love this. Idk what it is about some people thinking Starbucks employees are their personal chefs like … just take your drink and shut up GOD
The chef is absolutely genius, this is why I love Reddit.🤗👍👍🥰
We have a married couple we adore EXCEPT the wife’s picky eater. She does usually order clearly with the waitstaff, but it can be so embarrassing being out with her (and sometimes them both).
We were at a super fancy steakhouse when she ordered prime rib. She told the waiter she would send it back if it was even a little bit pink. (But but but that’s the point?!?!) She sent it back 3 times and I was just dying. Then she complained it was overcooked when it finally wasn’t pink. 🤦🏼♀️ I left an extra $20 cash tip.
I can't help wonder if this was the same couple. Haha because that's basically the same scenario.
Something like this happened in a town across the river from me some months back. The owner gave the woman raw steak and all the sides and told her to make it herself LOL
Lemme guess, he thought it was "undercooked"
Yeah, and then when they dipped it again, it was overcooked.
i had something similar with veal when waiting tables. I even waited for the woman to check it the second time. She said it was fine.
It was my last table and I was closing, so afterwards I went to do sidework. Came out and saw her talking to the manager. He later said to me, "She was a triple A bitch. I comped her meal.Not your fault." He was a sweetie.
That's awesome. He shouldn't have comped it, though. That's why these people do what they do.
I've worked for three restaurants, all mom and pop places, and they wouldn't play these stupid games if someone was clearly just angling for free shit. If there was a real problem with the food then that's different of course.
NTA but your wife should perhaps order fries crispy or ask for extra sauce on the side or mention that she likes her pasta saucy. If she is vocal when ordering things like this won’t happen as often. Also, salt and pepper from the table will remedy the burger issue
Good point. She should say she wants "fries, crispy", "pasta, extra saucy", "cheesteak, cheesy" and "hamburger, well-seasoned"
At this point of someone is picky about their food, they should help the staff instead of risking in throwing away food
I know i am ridiculous and well aware my desires go beyond the average bounds. I tell people “whatever you usually take as “extra sauce,” I need you to double that.” All my friends and family get to know my tastes preferences and some even chime in to say “no, she really means it.” I appreciate their acceptance.
Have a family member that's like this with pickles. On the random times I'm ordering for them have gotten in the habit of saying: "add as many pickles as your company will let you, if there's more pickles than burger you are approaching the ratio they like. Thank you!" lol
The staff usually giggle and so far have come through wonderfully.
I worked at Subway for a bit. You know that video where they go to Subway and they're just like "yeah, more olives. and then can I just get some more olives. yeah, extra.. extra olives.. more..." over and over, I actually had someone come through and ask how much I'm willing to give them. lol I used that video as an example, like I will empty this whole cambro if you want me to man, just say the word.
Subway never gives me enough olives!! I just don't go there anymore. If I say extra olives and they put three more slices of olives on I'm just not going to even notice three little slices of olives so what's the point...
I did this at Disney World and asked for "so many pickles you start questioning your own sanity and mine" and the waitress came back with an 8 oz soda cup filled to the brim with crunchy cold sliced pickles.
Best day of my life
I tell servers I want my sandwich with a disgusting amount of mayo. That both works well and usually makes them laugh.
That's funny, when we used to go to Subway my husband found that to be the best way to ask for his black olives. It's the only way that he ever got as many as he wanted.
Yes, the primary seasoning on a burger is salt and it almost always remedies the lack of seasoning issue. And a huge yes to your other points as well. Ask for extra sauce, ask for crispy fries. I would find her exhausting. NTA. Have a calm convo about it.
Exactl. I like my Thai food really really spicy. I tell them, you can’t over do it. Make it Thai hot then add 2 more spoonfuls of chilies. I promise I won’t ask for a refund if it’s too hot. I will eat it & love it
I had to convince my server that I really wanted a “Thai hot” dish. I not only ate every bite, I didn’t take more than 1 sip of water during my meal. I don’t expect to have an issue at my next visit, I seem to have made an impression, lol.
I saw a picture of a receipt from a Thai restaurant where it said “spicy” 8 times then said “make him regret ever being born”
Yes I’m someone who loves EXTRA EVERYTHING. Extra sauce. Extra seasoning. Extra flavor. I prefer exorbitant amounts of ketchup and BBQ sauce and so on on things. It’s just how I like stuff. Maybe it’s a mental condition, maybe it’s a tastebud problem, who knows. I like going to the same places regularly because they get to know me and I know I’m ridiculous compared to the average but I am appreciative and gracious and grateful when staff inevitably learn that I am how I am and can anticipate it. It makes in more convenient for us both when they get to know my “baseline.”
I order “extra” from the get go and I dont send food back if it comes out lacking something like sauce in the quantity I want, I ask for more to be brought on the side.
The only thing I guess I can understand is crispiness which requires more cooking. But seasoning and sauce? They’ll bring you more. You don’t have to make it so hard.
But if she asks for what she wants then she wouldn't get the attention and smug feeling of trying to make someone else feel bad and like they need to cater to her for making a "mistake".
In 3 out of the 4 examples listed, she could just get them to make her some fresh fries, bring her some extra pasta sauce, or bring her some extra cheese for her cheesesteak. None of these things should take long or prevent her from eating some of her food so that you don't have to wait. Also, they seem like VERY picky reasons to send food back. Regardless of whether or not she is being polite.
I would ask her if she would throw out and remake entire dishes at home for these miniscule reasons. If not, why is she causing a business to waste so much good food just because it's not "perfect"?
And number 4, just ask for some salt and pepper if you need
Not necessary to ask since it should already be on the table.
Imagine if you threw away dinner at home and told her to remake it
I’m 49 years old. I’ve maybe sent food back once in 25 years of eating out. Your wife sounds difficult or is very bad at communicating expectations. I would 100% have a conversation with her.
Also, never take your wife to dinner involving a tasting menu, she would be upset they didn’t cater to what she wanted or how she liked it.
Oh my god can you imagine lol
This woman would be incapable of enjoying fine dining
Food gets sent back if it is the actual wrong order or inedible.
Plus, ask for extra sauce or cheese after the fact!? Not send back. Put some damn mustard on the burger.
Teach her the word "extra", and to use it WHILE ordering.
Extra cheese, extra sauce, extra seasoning, extra crispy.
I prefer all of those things as well, which is why I ask for them when ordering. Extra is never the default.
Exactly! If you know you’ve go a preference, tell them up front.
Bet she would now send it back for being too crispy, over seasoned, too cheesy and too saucy. This sounds like a control or power issue that OP, and maybe even his wife, isn’t aware they have.
As a former server (quit a few months ago, so recently), NTA. Your wife is annoying and nitpicky and trust me, if you frequent these restaurants, the employees talk shit about you guys and servers likely argue over who is taking your table. Even if you aren’t a regular, the servers are shit talking you with the kitchen. She doesn’t need to send any of this back and the fact that she is is incredibly wasteful and annoying huge waste of everyone’s time.
Saw your comment about how she doesn’t want them to think she just wants free food, but that’s what she’s doing. The food she doesn’t eat goes to waste and servers aren’t allowed to eat it once it’s touched the table and been eaten by the customer, so it gets thrown away. Then the kitchen has to make a whole new batch of whatever the hell she’s complaining about instead of just asking for extra sauce or cheese or seasoning on her burger, because trust me, ALL of the burgers are seasoned the same, they’re made from the same batch of meat, not too sure why she’s complaining. It doesn’t matter how nice she is, it’s fucking annoying
edit post OP’s edit: her being on the spectrum doesn’t excuse it. i’m on the spectrum as well (adhd + autism, plus other things), and i don’t do this shit. obviously everybody is different and there’s no one way to be neurodivergent, but it’s not an excuse for your wife to be annoying as fuck and hold up everybody else just because she’s slightly annoyed by something that doesn’t majorly impact her at all. if the fries aren’t crunchy enough, tell the server the first time, don’t waste their time.
yeah, when i waitressed in 2007 i had really "nice" guests send back food for DUMB reasons politely [i guess] and i still wanted to punch them.
Did she not go to restaurants as a child? Her behavior at a diner is troubling. It is not going to taste like you made it at home.
I'll bet she has a parent or grandparent like this, she had to learn it somewhere right
It also makes it a lot harder to give good service to my other tables. I'm having to make extra trips to your table, bus your original plate(s), show chef/manager what is bring thrown out, need to speak to chef about rushing a re-cook, re-ring the food, speak to manager to explain & have the duplicate taken off the bill, then I don't know the timing of when the new one will arrive and I'll have to check on her again and make sure she's marked with clean silverware before the replacement arrives.
So now I'm leaving my dining room more, being away & unavailable to other guests. Much much easier to at least just order you new fries "extra crispy // rush" and have a manager comp it next time I see them while you're still eating, and then I only need one extra trip when the new fries get dropped off. Or just pop into the kitchen for an extra side of cheese sauce real quick.
Point of order, please. A billion years ago, I had a summer job as a waiter at the local country club. That's where I had my first order of scallops. Untouched shrimp was fair game, too. I was amazed & appalled by the amount of wasted food.
same! i used to work a fish restaurant and the amount of people who would paid $20 for fish and chips and took 2 bites of a filet and a few fries is astounding. food waste is no joke, why add to it by being nitpicky and obnoxious?
Yeah and "nice" ppl don't do shit like this soi doubt she's as nice as she thinks she is. I'll bet if she got a little pushback from the server she'd drop the "nice" act with a quickness
-Hamburger wasn't seasoned enough.
I guarantee the waiter was like "bitch, there's a salt and pepper shaker right there on the table."
NTA. Edited for clarity.
as a former server, yup. we judge you for being stupid
NTA she's probably on every server's "please not my table" list. They hate hyper-picky people like her. She's treating all the staff in the restaurant like her personal servants. None of those reasons are worth throwing a monkey wrench into the restaurant's operation. Honestly I'd refuse to go out with her any more. I'd be mortified if she sent food back for such petty reasons.
We had a couple like this that would come to the country club that I worked at forever ago. We would be in the back going "no way, I served them last time, it's your turn!"
My last day I straight up gave them a piece of my mind. It was very awkward because Roger Corman was sitting with them. I chewed them out and then turned to him, "I'm sorry Mr. Corman, I am a huge fan of your work."
Then I turned around and went to the office to turn in my work shirt lol
unless the servers know they tip well (no idea if they do, but I would if she regularly send food back)
They never do.
NTA
I understand that she isn’t being rude about it, but the examples given feel more like not living up to her personal preference that she should be requesting when ordering rather than something actually wrong with the food.
If she's that picky she should just stay home and cook for herself
You shouldn't wait while your food gets cold because she is picky. Not seasoned enough, ask for salt or something like steak sauce.
They can't put her fries back in the fryer, so they have to be thrown out.
Keep doing this in the same restaurant repeatedly and they may decide you waste too much food to be worth having as a customer.
Your wife is the AH
Eta. Fix typos
TBH, I worked in restaurants. I'd be careful if she keeps doing it at the same place. Especially if server doesn't think it's a legit reason. I never took out revenge, but did watch others do it.
I will say I would take a dish back to kitchen set it under heat lamp, go back so they saw me in dining room, then go back and grab same dish again and deliver it back. Funny how 2nd time it was perfect. 🤣
I’ve never ever done something actually gross to a person’s food (spit, for example).
But I will tell you. Something gets sent back for a dumb reason (“my fries aren’t crispy” when they are), I’m overdoing it. Those fries are gonna be CRISPY AS HELL.
If it comes back again the manager can either cook their food for them cus I’m not doing it or tell them to get out. And if I’m the manager, they’re getting a refund and they’re welcome to leave after I take the food away.
If she does it this frequently it’s a power trip, not an issue with the food. Or she’s an unbearably picky person.
If she’s this-level picky in other areas of your life, then it’s the latter. Otherwise it’s the former.
Your power-trip comment is bang on. I wonder if op's wife either feels a lack of control in her life and uses this as an outlet, or if she is a bit narcissistic and generally gets off on the customer-is-always-right (even when they are not) power trip.
Once every 3 years fine, once every three meals indicates something out of wack with this one.
Yes, my mom only likes eating at "sit down" restaurants because she enjoys the experience of having a waiter. She orders food she knows will consistently come out "wrong" (steak, it's always a steak) and sends it back 1-2 times.
Refuse to go out to eat with her anymore, and tell her why
Oh I have. My husband has even warned her on several special occasions that she needs to behave if she doesn't want to have problems with me 😂
NTA if it's happening frequently, she sounds like someone who is just very difficult to please. She's being very inconsiderate to you if it's affecting your experience. It's her choice to send it back for minor reasons so stop waiting for hers to arrive a second time. Eat yours while its hot.
NTA
You need to sit her down and tell her that she needs to stop sending back food for reasons that are easily handled without asking for a new meal.
A hamburger not seasoned enough? Open it up and put on some salt and pepper (or ask for some BBQ sauce on the side). Not enough sauce? Ask for more sauce on the side.
It's time for you to be honest with her and tell her that going out to a meal with her has become an unpleasant experience for you because of the number of times you either end up eating without her or eating cold food, because she sends so much of it back.
Additionally, you should tell her that you have become extremely uncomfortable with this absolutely reprehensible waste of food. Every single thing she sends back gets thrown away. Everything. It would be a health code violation to even take food she has taken a bite of back to the prep area.
Also, you should let her know that if she repeatedly does this at the same restaurants, it is highly likely that she is getting a little unexpected "gift" in her food when it comes back.
If she continues to do this, I would discontinue going out to eat with her OR I would bring a book, eat my food when it arrives, and read my book over my dessert and coffee while she eats her new food. I would absolutely NEVER let my food get cold. And I would never give her my attention while she was eating her new food.
“Never rude” then proceeds to say how she send things back for the most minuscule of reasons and cause you to wait for you to enjoy your meal. Seems pretty rude and selfish to me. Sounds like an entitled brat that doesn’t consider anybody else’s feeling other than her own.
Your wife is being difficult, picky and wasting an evening out. She might get off on the attention, control - who knows. But I no longer eat/go out with people who do this. It’s annoying, interrupts the evening, and I don’t need to be liked by many people but GD does the restaurant hate you. She’s a nuisance diner. And an AH. For what, 16% tip or $6.85? I’d make this really clear, set some limits, and then stand by them if I were you. Send something back if it egregious. These are picky AF.
NTA. Your wife has eaten so much spit lol.
I hate to say that you're right, but you really are probably right... Especially if it keeps happening at the same restaurants. The staff is gonna have both of their faces memorized.
NTA. And I find it very hard to believe that this is the only aspect of her life where she acts like this.
NTA, I would be mortified to eat out with her.
NTA Those reasons don't need a send back.
Please bring me salt and pepper shakers or some Tony Chachere. Thanks
Just eat em. Unless they're fully soggy, fries are yummy.
Can you bring be a ramekin of the pasta sauce please? Thanks
Can I get an extra slice or two of provolone? Thanks
Dont mess with people who make your food
I eat out twice a week on average. I go out often. I have literally never sent food back to the kitchen. Sometimes i just don't like a dish and I'll order something else to eat.
Your wife is annoying and ridiculous and everyone hates her. Does she do this at people's homes? What's the price point of the restaurants you are eating at?
Would she be comfortable scraping a full plate of food into the trash to make a new hamburger if you had friends over for a BBQ and they didn't like it? Or tossing a whole bowl of pasta instead of just adding sauce?
Does she think those are acceptable ways for people to treat food in a world and economy where people are going hungry?
She sounds like a horrible person.
Your wife is rude no matter how polite she acts. Being pleasant doesn't cancel out being inconsiderate. Saying "go fuck yourself, please." isn't someone making a kind request.
It’s wild your wife asks to get food remade instead of asking for a side of sauce or cheese or using salt. It sounds like she just wants to be a pain. Certainly send good back if it’s wrong or raw or whatever, but if she needs food made in a very specific way that getting a side of something won’t suit then she needs to cook for herself.
She should stay home if she can’t be satisfied at least 25% of the time. And we all pay more now to compensate for her pickiness.
I work in a kitchen and we be absolutely dogging ppl like this.
Sounds tiresome. Attention seeking even.
The entitlement of some people to just waste food like that. Your wife kind of sucks.
NTA.
Some of these examples are usually part of the restaurant menu rather than a problem.
“Normal” seems to be her personal preference, not the restaurant problem.
If the food isn’t to my taste (unless knowingly wrong), I just don’t go there anymore rather than asking to make it to my taste.
NTA. Please tell her if she is doing that there is high likelihood that theyre spitting on her food so just learn to season things herself.
OP didn’t marry a good person.
NTA. She should stay home and cook meals to her specifications there instead.
NTA my mom did this for years and it always caused fights. She just was never happy, no matter the restaurant. Everything was dry, old tasting, not fresh, etc. We could always tell the minute she took a bite. We’d all groan and have to wait for her food to come out before we could eat.
For awhile, we didn’t eat out as a family because of it. We got to go or fast food. If we did go out to eat, it couldn’t be everyone except mom because she would give us hell for leaving her out. So we left my dad home a bunch when me and my siblings became teenagers and could afford our own bill.
Then she got a heavy dose of it while going out with some friends. These are the type of people to send everything back after they’ve eaten 80% of it and try to get it for free because they’re cheap. And they were the only people who would go out to eat with her.
One night it came to a messy end. The couple was getting loud because the waitstaff knew they were frequent fliers and called them out after they tried to send back an empty soup bowl for “being cold” and the manager actually kicked them out in the middle of dinner for pulling their crap. Everyone in the restaurant states at them like they were grifters and my mom was so embarrassed she never saw those people again.
She doesn’t do that anymore unless it’s actually warranted now.
Oh yeah She is a Princess in the worst way man
How about you ask her to clearly define what she wants when she orders it. If she’s had a soggy fry in the last, have her tell the waiter exactly how she wants it.
No one should eat food they don’t like, but she can prevent most of it by specifically ordering how she wants it.
No, I have a friend like this and I have told her something. At the end of the day it’s her choice but me and my friend are close and respect each other that we can criticize each other to make ourselves better. But the point of a restaurant isn’t 5 star food, it’s supposed to be nice quality time with each other so you don’t have to cook lol if she wants it done right she can do it herself (with respect)
You know she eats so much spit, right?
As a 24 year food service veteran, it is my sad duty to tell you that spit lacks the imagination and pettiness of some of my fellows. Most are fine, but the ones that aren’t are not stopping at spit.
Tell her food is made by people, not machines. No shit it’s not going to be 100% the same every time
She likes attention. Stop taking her out to eat. It gets embarrassing and spoils your meal.
I am curious, how is she at home. If she cooks a meal and you complain because it's not as crispy as last time, does she remake it? Or if you cook a meal is she as picky about it being perfect and complain when it's not?
Is this a, "I only eat perfect food" or "I like the power and attention from people who server me"?
NTA. Your wife is exhausting and one of the many kinds of people who make the service industry thankless. She’s being petty and nit picky. You say she’s apologetic and grateful but I don’t buy that when she constantly finds fault. I’d refuse to go anywhere with someone who behaves like that. Edit for spelling.
She is acting like a toddler.
If I had someone in my life that sent food back that often, I would not go out to eat with them. Period.
I’m in my late 50s and I’ve only sent food back twice, ever (and one of them was when they brought a dinner that wasn’t the meal I ordered. )
Food isnt a scientifiy measured thing. Sometimes you’ll have more sauce, sometimes more seasoning. Sometimes the fries will be more crispy than others. I’d absolutely be having a word with the wife and refusing to go out and eat with her any more. Or eat yours and leave her there.
She’s being utterly ridiculous
As someone who's worked in food service, I hope you know that a lot of places make your server foot the bill, for sent back food. Furthermore, if she continues to do this at the same places, they can and will refuse you service, due to her being a difficult client.
NTA
That's so shitty! Servers shouldn't be responsible for that.
Agreed, but the owners don't care. They just want their money.
Isn't that illegal? Making servers foot the bill, I mean. I know that won't stop restaurant owners from screwing over employees, but I didn't know that happened.
I had to go way too deep into the comments to find this answer. You're absolutely right
Man, it must be hard to hear the internet basically say your wife is acting like a big douche bag.
I couldn’t stay married to someone like that.
I managed a pizza place (asst mgr) while I was in college. I have Friday and Saturday nights. One couple was coming in and the wife would complain about the food every damn time. I comped or remade it 4-5 times... When they came in the next Friday looking for a table, I told her that we weren't the restaurant for them and they could go elsewhere. She popped off and I told her that she clearly didn't like our food and should just find somewhere she likes better. Man she was pissed. Her hubs just stood there and then they left. Got a high five from both the servers tho.
If you’re sending food back that often to be remade the place either sucks and you should stop going or she’s being picky and that’s on her.
NTA. Fine line between getting what you ordered and being a picky customer. If you’re that picky about your food don’t let other people make it.
just eat your food without waiting, ask to split the check, pay your part, and then call a cab home. repeat as many times as needed.
I have a friend who does this. Finally told him I would no longer go to restaurants with him because of this behavior.
My MIL did this. It’s just a power play to feel important IMO. It’s degrading to the restaurant staff.
It doesn’t sound like your wife enjoys eating out. Maybe she should do that less.
I hope your wife never has to serve a guest in her home that acts the way she does in a restaurant
NTA. It's very inconvenient to have to wait for the meal to come back when it already most likely took around an hour to get to the table. You now have the choice of finishing all of your food and looking like a jerk or letting your food get cold to be polite. Also there weren't shakers at the table for the seasoning? I feel like even when I go to high-end restaurants they have at least salt and pepper on a table.
I read “asked for more cheese on her cheesecake” and almost fell out of my chair.
NTA. If she does this, regularly, for such trivial complaints, rather than the dish she was served being burnt or spoiled or literally not the meal she ordered, this is a power trip. It's not about the food.
Some people actually pride themselves on being hard to please in restaurants, as if it makes them look superior to others, or seem sophisticated. A more refined palate than the hoi polloi 🙄
I don't know what exactly is up with your wife, but she clearly enjoys complaining, and getting extra attention from restaurant staff, and isn't bothered at all by your having to wait to eat while her meal is remade.
I myself do not eat out with people who do this. It drives me up the wall, and yes, I've worked in restaurants, both in the kitchen and waiting tables.