For me, some of it came from the logical choice of looking back and evaluating my dating life which had been at best, miserable, and at worst, dangerous. For me dating men felt like a drug; I knew logically that it was hurting me but there was a highly addictive aspect to it that made it hard to quit.

But also acceptance helped a lot. I think many people have a "void" or a feeling that something is missing in life. I acknowledge the feeling and reaffirm to myself that I don't actually want to fill that void with a man.

Some days that's enough for me, and other days I analyse the feeling further. Is it loneliness (in which case I would work on expanding my social life), is it a need for validation that I could validate myself instead, is it a lack of purpose (in which case I look further into the areas of my life that I feel lacking)...

It also helps me to remember that as a child, before life under patriarchy programmed us to "need" a romantic partner, I felt like a whole and fulfilled individual. If it's possible then, it's possible again now.

Good luck!

I can share a few things I did that helped:

I shifted my energy to friendships. I stopped consuming media that centers romantic love. I spent time visioning a future where I’m uncoupled and totally fulfilled. I never forget my values and am simply unwilling to compromise them for anyone.

Men deprogrammed me. 

After several relationships, I realized that I did not enjoy being with them because it felt as if I was always working hard to gain a ration of crap—so when the relationships ended, I had next to nothing that I looked back on positively. 

The last guy I dated over a decade ago was such a snotty, high-maintenance princess that it firmly cemented the idea that I was no longer sexually attracted to men, so it was easy to snub dating completely and make myself happy.  (…and dogs. Dogs make me happier than any boyfriend ever did and they don’t piss all over my toilet.)

Dealing with men proved to be disappointing at best and dangerous at worst. Also on the spiritual path and wisdom like Carl Jung talks about solitude and individuation and self realization. Romance doesn’t make sense in that framework, only in the former framework of the ego and the world which I was heavily programmed with by the family - who were all extremely toxic. Solitude is proving to be a truly rewarding path with a depth that I don’t find with people

Well for me it happened after finally getting out of an abusive relationship. I find that focusing on yourself and achieving goals brings a lot more fulfillment in life. Majority of heteronormative relationships don’t bring peace, they create issues for you to solve as a distraction from your own personal ones. Getting therapy for any childhood trauma (or trauma in general) is important especially if you have attachment issues. Anyone who comes into your life is competing with the peace/happiness you have on your own. If they can’t match and add more to it then it’s not worth time-friendships included.

Being in relationships with men was what did it for me.

Take small steps if you’re struggling. Get used to doing small chunks of activities by yourself. Slowly you’ll get more comfortable and suddenly going solo becomes a preference rather than necessity. I’ve also developed a wide net of friends I can call on for random different things so if I feel like catching up I can reach out anytime

The BEST Breakdown of Why Romantic Love is The Greatest SCAM Ever Sold

Also middle-aged and I know what you mean. I have only recently gotten out of that mindset that “I don’t need a man, but it would be really nice to find the perfect man“ etc. What has completely shifted my life is doing dream work and solo travel. My new hobbies!

I have always had very vivid dreams and I have been working on dream recall and analysis. Using CGPT for the analysis, actually, and it’s making me an illustrated dream journal. (go figure, it’s incredibly good with Jungian analysis and archetypes.) All kinds of old stuff from my life shows up in my dreams and I am uncovering patterns and it’s just fascinating. I have also had some lucid dreams and incredibly joyful flying dreams. I can’t even describe in words how incredible they felt.

The thing about dreams… No one else will ever be there with you. It’s something you can only do by yourself. No one else will ever be inside our minds with us. Kind of like how we die by ourselves. Nobody goes with us.

Solo travel is joyful to me because I’m very particular about my travel and traveling with a man has always slowed me down. Or they just want to do something different than you do or not on your schedule. It has been incredibly joyful for me to navigate new places by myself, on my own schedule, picking my own hotels and restaurants.

So… I guess finding something that you can ONLY do by yourself or that is better by yourself, shifts your perspective that you ever needed someone else.

get twitter and see what males say

Once I realized that I was more likely to be abused in some way than not, it was an easy choice. Someone used an analogy: "You're thirsty, and there are 3 cups of water. Two cups are regular water, and one has been contaminated with poison. Although there is a chance of selecting one of the non-contaminated cups, most people would decide not to drink from any, as the risk isn't worth the reward."

I have no choice but to assume that ALL MEN do not view me as a full, autonomous human being, but something to extract from. Sure, it may not be "all of them," but that makes no difference to me.

I have suffered enough that 4B is the only logical choice. I refuse to jeopardize my physical and mental health any further than I already have. Along with 4B, I've deconstructed religious indoctrination as well. I'm finally free, and I have the wounds to remind myself never to look back.

Listen to men. Seriously listen when they speak. You’ll get the ick real fast. They’re such hollow empty vessels.

For me personally it was easy to see the difference in my own behavior, style, happiness and experiences: partnered vs not. It didn’t require a “deprogramming” process, for me

It takes time. Feels unnatural at first. It took about five years for me and I wasn’t purposely doing it, just impossible to meet someone these days. Then I watch how happy couple are, it especially amuses me when I see them bickering at the grocery store. Makes me happy to do what I want when I want and no one fucks with my program. No one ruins my day with their shitty attitude. Being single rocks