Personally, if it were me, I would attend and show support because I love my friend and I care about her. And if her life starts to completely revolve around her male partner, I would then start to distance myself.

There's a good chance this relationship could blow up or turn toxic very quickly, especially if they got engaged so fast, and there's definitely some serious red flags. A lot of women unfortunately have to experience firsthand how damaging relationships with men are before throwing in the towel, and for some of us it takes longer than others.

I had to marry a man to see it for myself. And I was incredibly thankful to have the support of my mom, my sister and my best friend (all of whom had given up on men long before I did) when my marriage became abusive and I left after less than a year of being married. But it's also understandable if you just don't have the patience or bandwidth for any of it and don't want to attend.

I've stayed in touch with most of my female friends after I went 4B, even the ones who are dating or married to men, because fortunately the majority of them have enough of an identity separate from their partners that they don't just talk about them all day long, it's the least interesting part of their lives and personalities.

I just do it. I like having friends; I like being invited to things. I like free food. I view my distaste for these sorts of affairs as a personal ethos rather than a moral failing of the friends who are interested. Though I can understand why someone may not want to partake in these events given the patriarchal nature of it all.

Apparently met at a family gathering

😬

I'm assuming this isn't an arranged cousin marriage type thing, right? With the added "cultural/religious" aspect, that's what came to mind.

I despise (strong word lol but it's true) all hetero weddings/engagements and everything that goes with them and, after the last one I attended (who I wasn't even close to??) i swore never again. I think I'm lucky to have escaped them though as none of my close friends have married, I live far from family so don't attend family ones, I've really managed to escape them my entire life. I'm at the stage where I can't fake enthusiasm or affection for an industry I hate, for an outdated ceremony based on the transaction of women from one man to another, I actually rolled my eyes through the vows of the last one i attended (the words "you complete me" were uttered). I don't see a declaration of "true love" I see the truth of it all, the woman is given this one day to be a wannabe princess before she starts her life of indentured servitude. but also, they're just so fucking BORING and predictable (at least straight western weddings are). They all follow the same shit script. Anyway - I hate weddings, I'm not happy about your engagement to Mr Doofus, don't invite me 😂 hit me up when you're contemplating that divorce.

I'd attend, if only to support a friend.

I feel like an unspoken tenet of 4B is being there for other women, and empowering them to make healthy choices. If you're worried about the nature of her relationship, the only way you can help is by being there in the moment instead of judging from a distance.

I hate it and avoid them like the plague.

I see marriage as modern slavery so it's a hard pass for me.

Is she indian? If so, there is a high chance it was arranged by family and they also pressured her to get married early.

Just because we know that living with men is a downgrade doesn't mean everyone else will be able to accept it. It's something they have to come to terms on their own. Meanwhile just go enjoy the food and party and wish your friend the best.

When I attend a loved one’s major life event, it’s about supporting my friend and showing love for them. It’s not about my feelings about the ritual unfolding on that day.

I mean, let’s say this is an arranged marriage under intense family pressure. Don’t you want to be there to be a get away driver should she decide to bail last minute? I’d go just in case

As much as you’ve made your choice for yourself, you have to let your friend make her choice for herself. You have some time to spend talking to your friend about her situation, but ultimately, you will have to decide if you support your friend or not. Attending the wedding doesn’t mean you’re compromising your beliefs (you’re not the one getting married). If this is what your friend wants, and you are a true friend, go and celebrate with her and keep your opinions to yourself.

I have never been to a 3 day wedding.

I pretty much consider the wedding, the last time I will ever see my friend. If the marriage doesnt kill the friendship, the children will.

Ive always been happy to help my friemds but they dont want a single, childfree woman around.

I found that I was a placeholder untl they found a man, and now they dont need friends anymore. 

I don’t

If someone I'm close to wants me to witness her getting married, I'll be there for them, but I generally dislike weddings to begin with. But if they're happy I'll support them, and I'll support them when their husband ends up being a constant source of friction and toxicity when the shine fades off the marriage

i go because wedding cake is so much better than birthday cake… but them meeting at a family gathering is concerning 😭

I didn't used to feel this way, but I definitely feel extremely weird about going to them now. 

Marriage is just a tradition of the patriarchy, especially when it's a man and woman getting married. How can I be happy about misogyny and the patriarchy? How can I possibly congratulate an oppressor for now "owning" my friend? It's not a good thing. 

I haven't found a good way to deal with it, as no woman I know would be okay with it if I said I personally don't agree with the institution of marriage, and didn't feel comfortable attending. It would probably be a friendship-ender.

I personally think you should mention to her about the danger of falling for a man too quickly. Show her the stats of how married women are unhappy, plus the orgasm stats. Also get a feel for how he is. She might be in love, but he might not be that way.

So, my best childhood friend got married to someone she met online, while pregnant from him, and then they divorced almost immediately, about a year after the wedding. My thoughts on the wedding itself?

The wedding was for the bride and groom's parents, not necessarily for either of them. They planned everything, chose the venue, paid for everything also. My friend was nice enough to invite me and include my dietary restrictions (I'm a vegetarian) in the menu. My friend was also stressed, tired, and wanted to feel supported. Of course I came and wished her all the happy things I could even though deep down I knew they weren't made for each other. A wedding is a stressful and busy event and there's a lot of unfavorable people there, such as one of the guys from her extended family who touched me in ways I didn't want to on the dance floor.

Overall I think I will avoid these gatherings in the future or just leave early, because it's also customary to give gifts to the bride and so I needed to do at least that, because she could do with a bit of extra money at the time.

Mostly what weddings are for: photos, for memories, and an excuse to get drunk. I don't drink so that part is not relevant for me. Oh, and free food, but it's rarely actually free since it's expected to at least gift the newlyweds money which is fair enough. Overall I would suggest steer clear of the dance floor. My intention was to have fun for her and not just sit in the corner and brood but like I said it wasn't really worth it for the groping experience

I'm not going to an engagement party. Anyone can get engaged 🙄 I'll show up to the wedding, though. Free fancy food, I get to dress up and look cute. I've ran entire receptions before and it's fun setting up the venue. I don't care about marriages though; just invite me to the fun stuff and don't traumabond about your man to me.

Sound like and Indian or Muslim wedding if it's going on that long.

Culturally similar for these two is that weddings and parties are often "scouting" places for eligible bachelors & bachelorettes - usually done by the parents, but the eligible bachelor/bachelorette can also scout and pick out options. Is she is indeed from these cultures, it is quite normal.

But I do understand your concerns, someone who has had zero exposure with men blinding getting into matrimony is alarming. When inexperienced women do this, they pretty much find out things along the way and become disillusioned by life.

I do hope you and your friends have a chat with her on what she can experience in a marriage. Prep her good so that she is informed on what she would endure as a wife in this modern world, and eventually when she becomes a mother. Even how her relationship might look like with her in-laws. The two cultures I mentioned sometimes do view the girl marrying into the boy's family as "property". This is not to scare her, she probably very much wants her own family, but us ladies do have an womanhood pact to at least pre-empt her. Ultimately it will be her decision, but I'd rather not have someone I love be blind-slided when making such a serious decision.

A lot of tiktokers/youtubers made videos = "things I wish I knew before I got married", "things they don't tell you when you become a wife/mother", "What I wish I knew before I got married and had kids" etc.

Good luck to her and for her sake, I hope he is decent man that honours & respects her.

The only wedding/engagement I would attend is one that will reject 🤣 entertainment 🍿

have you tried having a conversation with her? why don’t you try meeting up with her and catching up on life and she might confide in you about how she really feels.

you mention she’s pakistani so i’ll assume she’s muslim too. women being married off by 23/24 at the latest is extremely common in pakistani/muslim culture, even if you live in a developed country. all the muslim girls i know from highschool are married.

i think the best you can do is be a strong supportive friend who she feels she can trust.