Call me a trick or a pick me but it ain't tricking if you got it and isn't everybody tryna get chose?
Anyway, I am a 30 year old man and I just don't get it. What happened to the art of courting a woman? Seeing someone you find attractive and then tryna woo them?
Tbh, idc if she turns me down because im broke. At least she was honest and there's literally billions of other women out there for me to be salty I ran into 3 girls who want a $600 first date and I can only afford $50-100. Everybody has their own taste. Does it hurt my feelings or make me feel less than? Yes, it very much does, but it really is something miniscule that I wont mull over and will forget about once I am on my next , authentic, happy date.
Are there women out there who just go on dates for the free food? Probably, but in my opinion based on nothing but my own attitude I think its probably like 2-3 percent of women. Even if it dies happen...it happens. Sometimes we get played fellas, take it on the chin and learn for next time. Women get played, men get played, women deal with scamming, men deal with it. I think that's just part of the dating game. not saying its okay
Yes, we want sex, its great, but if you only want to pay with the guarantee of a sexual act after there is literally an entire profession of people willing to blow you for $50 instead of the workaround of taking them to a resturant.
Yes, some women are down to hookup on the first night as well, but just talk to the person you are interested in and what they are looking for and if it lines up with you.
However , I will say from experience there are plenty of women who will get absolutely filthy for you after you treat them like a human, talk to them, and laugh over the Applebee's 2 for $25 meal. Put in some effort, respect the game and just let life happen.
I'm not saying go broke tryna pretend. If you cant afford it be upfront. Some wont care, some might, find the one that works for you. Don't become a sugar daddy or get taken advantage of if it aint your jam
Lastly, yeah it could be said women can do all the same things and if she really wants to pay then she can, but I guess the way our American society formed itself , I take pride in the wooing and courting process. It won't always be on me but those first times im tryna get your attention I might as well be a bird with a pretty rock lmao.
u/SunsetBeachBowl, your post does fit the subreddit!
Whoever is inviting pays, that's usually how it goes.
If we're interested in actually seeing you, then a little bit of effort and maybe a cheap coffee date is all you need.
We're human too, and we do have needs. Dating is a brief period in which we get to see a small sliver of the person we choose to meet, and sometimes no matter how expensive the date itself is, people just don't "click."
Everything is expensive now, and most of us get it. Who has money to be dropping $100 on a first date that might not pan out?? Reasonable people will understand that, and greedy or unreasonable people don't "click" with you, so move on!
The flip side is no one wants to be stuck dating a "hobo sexual." Money is stressful, and trying to float someone that can't keep a job or isn't willing to contribute is something anyone should want in a long-term relationship.
This reads like someone told ChatGPT to "write something stupid using modern day slang"
i can only identify chat when it does these kinda sentence structures and the long hyphens, omg how can u tell (: ??
"that's not (negative thing), it's (positive thing)"
Eh, I don’t see it. A lot of rhetorical question is the only real red flag.
Reasonable opinion too. People on reddit don’t understand relationships have a lot to do with these little interpersonal dynamics.
Lol, you need a hug. Go to that /rhugs reddit.
I’m with you homie. In my day we treated women well because we were attracted to them and wanted to get close. Now dudes just whine that pussy doesn’t fall out of the sky directly on to their morning erection.
I’ve never taken someone on a first date that has cost me a collective of more than $30. Never dinner, never. Always a coffee or somewhere each of us can leave and not feel trapped. I mean trapped like you have to wait for a valet, taxi, or be driven home. Sometimes you meet for coffee, talk for 15 minutes and that’s it. No more. Sometimes coffee turns into brunch, lunch, or a movie later on in the day.
"Always a coffee or somewhere each of us can leave and not feel trapped"
This is actually so huge 10/10 much preferred over a dinner /movie date where you just have to pray you make it to the end not hating each other or needing to call your emergency backup friend for an early ride or something.
Its mostly just an online thing.
Noone really care a that much.
I always offer to split the check or pay for my meal. I dated a guy who said he appreciated the offer because it showed him I wasn't after his money. However, he insisted because he said he asked me on the date so he was paying. Fair enough.
I never understood why people don’t pay for themselves on the first date. That’s what I always used to do, unless one of us actually offered to pay the whole thing.
Dude straight people are so fucking weird.
I could get someone to blow me for $50 but god forbid I have to spend time with a woman /s like wtf is wrong with this person
If that's how you approach it, go for it. Nobody is saying you can't. Some women will love that, some will not, plenty of guys work that way, plenty don't.
No group is a monolith.
In my eyes, communication is the key there, establishing the terms that everyone is happy with early (I'll get this one / wanna split xyz, etc.) - and it's worth trying to avoid making everything feel transactional, on purpose or not.
I don't know any man that wouldn't pay on the first date. They might do something cheap to try and sus out the girls interest, but they pay.
If both dates split the bill it means the man has more money to go on more dates.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Each should pay their fair share
I think men are just tired of being told they have to continue maintaining their traditional responsibilities when it comes to dating and for women there's virtually no rules whatsoever
What “traditional responsibilities” would that be? Paying for the first few dates?
Dating isn't even traditional. People used to be set up by their parents or have arranged marriages but dating is relatively modern
Everyone's 'tryna get chose' ? Maybe work on your spelling and grammar, and you'd be more successful with the ladies who have a brain.
I hate that argument
"If you got it, it shouldn't be a problem".
Nobody's complaining about the act itself. Men are tired of women telling us what we "should" do because of "traditional" values that nobody whining about them on either side actually follow.
I don't care if I had unlimited money. The act of acting entitled to my stuff and shaming me for not spending my money on you just because you have a vagina that you aren't required to even give up if a man does pay, turns off any self respecting man
But that’s kind of the point of the post. Everyone has different wants and tastes and if you don’t want that kind of attitude in a partner, find a different partner. I agree it’s an entitled attitude, but it’s not every woman and there are plenty of men who do want to pay for those women. My partner and I have always swapped off paying for each other.
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...so your argument is "do it because you just gotta"?
That's super unconvincing.
No... He clearly said "do it if you wanna". Don't do it if you don't want to play the game. As simple as that. I don't think anyone should need convincing to find a mate and I don't think he was trying to convince you of anything. He just shared how he does it and how he thinks people should handle it.
Because they started wanting equality =]
What’s up fellow youngsters ahh post
Yeah the redpill stuff has gotten out of hand.
That being said, I think women tipped their hands a little bit because, yk, 6'5 slayer gorgeous super model guy can rail a chick without having to even go on a date with her. I think this promotes a lot of feelings of inadequacy among guys, like, what's the point of trying to develop a relationship with a woman, go on a date with her, when I could just lose her in a second? When she doesn't respect my feelings for her anyway? To be sure, this worldview really does compress women down to only their sexual impulses. But again, some women ARE really just totally subject to their sexual impulses - happy to throw away relationships and long-term happiness for a chance to get railed by a hot guy. I think it happens. So the trust that went with dating - like, I'm going to blow $50-100 on a date with you, we're going to feel it out, chat, get to know each other, flirt and try to gauge if we're going to be physically compatible - is gone. There's no point in "investing" in a future relationship because she could ditch you in a second.
I hate thinking about relationships in this gambling / transactional way, but we also need to be honest about the world we live in.
Ik it's probably implied but I gotta point out that guys do the exact same thing you described too.
I think another factor is that everything costs more and people are not rolling in cash
Thats true, but men are more likely to throw things away re: an established relationship. I think one of the problems we have is that the expectation is still (typically!) on the man to initiate, pursue, and develop the relationship, hence the first date problem being discussed here. A guy being unable to believe that a woman's boundaries for them is the same as her boundaries for hot guys is just this big disincentive to date.
And yeah the economy is another factor for sure. But again, I think if there was more trust between the sexes the expenses of the dates would just mean more to men and they'd be more willing to make sacrifices - like lots of people, even in this economy, have *ahem* discretionary spending on onlyfans, doordash, ubers, etc., which have even less possibility of rewarding you with a relationship - but everyone's just wired on the HERE AND NOW OR NEVER compulsive fearful monkey mindset, and there's just so little room - and so little ability to believe in - the idea that it's worth it to develop relationships over time, with consistently applied effort, with one person, over like, a year.
Nobody cares
I cared enough to post it! 🎅🏿
You didn’t care enough to proof read it, so you didn’t care a lot.
I cared and replied and the whole thing. I don't care about your comment though lol.
Then why’d you comment? Thought you didn’t care?
Why pay for a woman when God knows how many men got to be with her for free?!
Women today use men for free meals, and there's no point anymore to getting married until we have serious reforms.
Incels say the darnedest things.
Awwww I must be an incel awwwww. You can't say any racist or homophobic words, so incel is the go-to. Awww how cute!
Theres no need to be racist or homophobic. You said a classic incel line; therefore, we found the angry incel man 😂 yall sell yourselves out
Nope. Try again. Found the entitled wombyn! Yay wombyn yayyyyy